Dealing with a ‘dark season in your life or in the lives of your

loved ones

Kgomotso Sekhokho

Seasons of lifeOur theme is based on the Scripture: • Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 4 For everything, there is a season: A

time to be born, And a time to die; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;

• Nothing lasts forever

• Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Dealing with a negative seasonWhat may cause it?

• Not always sin even though sin can cause it• Amongst others it may be

– Relationships (Being betrayed, divorce, rejection, jealousy,

– Il- health especially prolonged or / and incurable diseases – Long waiting - conception, marriage, job, – Death- family, friends, colleagues ,– Failure- exams, set goals,– Lack – Love, money, appreciation

Dealing with a negative season

• All these can lead to stress / grief

• What is Stress? It can be defined as the way the body

responds to the demands of your life-style, meaning the effects of “wear ad tear” on your body. Stress is not a mental state, but very largely a physical condition.

Dealing with a negative season• What is grief? Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the

emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away.

The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.

• Grief may lead to stress but will be using these terms simultaneously

Red Flags Stress Signals

These act as red lights to warn us that action is needed to prevent more serous problems from

developing.

Red FlagsPhysical• Changes in breathing rhythm• Headaches• Changes in appetite• Low lobido

Mental• Lack of concentration• More frequent mistakes• Tendency to over-react.

Red Flags

Emotional• Irritation: short temper• Nervousness. • Emotional outburst: crying. Behavioural• Increased eating, drinking.• Absenteeism.• Clumsiness.

Can you identify your stressors and reactions to them?

These signals are alarm bells. Pay attention to them whenever they occur and do something constructive to enable yourself to live more easily with your stress levels.

Theories of dealing with grief• Everyone grieves differently• There is no “normal” way, timetable and

approach for grieving : It is a personal and highly individual experience.

• How you grieve depends on many factors:– personality and coping style, – life experience, – the nature of the loss and– faith,

Stages of dealing with grief

1. Shock• When you first learn of a tragedy, your initial

reaction may be one of disbelief. Many people experience a numb or surreal sensation.

II Corinthians 1:3-4 – Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles,.

Stages of dealing with grief2. Denial• As the shock diminishes, you may feel anxious

with what has happened. You may refuse to believe that anything has happened and deny the truth. This stage may feel like acceptance as you pretend nothing has changed.

• Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by

prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God

Stages of dealing with grief3. Anger• Once the reality of your loss has set in, you will begin

to become emotionally attached to the experience. In many cases, anger is the first emotion people feel. You may blame yourself or others. You may become frustrated with the injustice of your loss and rail against the powers that be.

• Ps 4: 4 Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still

• Eph 4: 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

Stages of dealing with grief4 . Physical Distress• As emotions take over, your body may begin to

show signs of distress and anxiety. ( weak, tired, short of breath or develop ulcers)

• 2 Samuel 16:14 Now the king and all the people who were with him became weary; so they refreshed themselves there

• Isaiah 40:29 He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength

Stages of dealing with grief

5. Guilt• Many people feel guilty or somehow

responsible for the events that have transpired. You may blame yourself for what has happened and feel heavy with the burden of responsibility.

• Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,

• 1 John 1: 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness

Stages of dealing with grief

6 Bargaining• In a final effort to erase the tragedy, you may try to

compromise or bargain with others. For spiritual people, you may try bargaining with a higher power, promising good behavior, for example, in exchange for the return of a loved one.

• Christ paid it all (Christ paid the debt He didn’t owe, He did that so that you may owe no man but love!)

Stages of dealing with grief7. Depression• When you finally become emotionally engaged in your loss,

depression will set in. You may isolate yourself and become introspective. As you reflect on what has happened, you may feel a deep sense of sadness. The darkness of depression can hold people for a long time as they struggle to find a way out

• Proverbs 12: 25 Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.

• Psalm 143: 7- 8 Answer me speedily, O LORD; My spirit fails! Do not hide Your face from me, Lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear Your loving kindness in the morning, For in You do I trust; Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, For I lift up my soul to You

Stages of dealing with grief

8. Testing• As you emerge from depression, you will begin trying out

methods of activating your life again. Have faith, hope and believe that you CAN

• Colossians 1:27 ... Christ in you, the hope of glory.• Isaiah 54: 4“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;

Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore

• Romans 9 :33 ... And whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.

• Romans 10:11For the Scripture says, Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”

Stages of dealing with grief

8. Testing

Ways of Managing Stress

Awareness of stress• Be aware of your stressors and your stress signals

so as to time your intervention. Analysis and treatment of the actual stressors.• You can improve your situation by clarifying for

yourself the characteristics of your stressors• Do not ignore them: The sooner you deal with

them the better

Strategies of dealing with stress

Withdraw• Do not go to events that may cause a trigger– Funerals– Weddings

• If you have to go, find someone to accompany you who understands your situation

N/B this must be temporal

Strategies of dealing with stress

Physical fitness• Keeping fit can lengthen your life, have a positive

effect on your brain and increase your capacity to cope with more stress.

A healthy diet• It is beneficial to eat healthfully e.g. less fat, higher

fiber food, etc. Excess caffeine and nicotine can increase stress levels.

Strategies of dealing with stress

Relaxation• Relaxation is vital for your body to cope with stress.

Take short rest breaks during the day• Your body needs variation in its working rhythm, not full

spread ahead all day. Prepare and organize your work• Prepare yourself thoroughly in your work and private life e.g.

Strategies of dealing with stress

Take Action• Read relevant scriptures• Pray relevantly • Talk to someone• Open windows• Do not compensate by eating, spending,

talking.......it may come back to you at a bigger price