UBC, Vancouver (AP)

Gordon Campbell, premier of BritishColumbia, was apparently a cardcarrying member of the Radical

Beer Faction until today when it wasannounced that his membership would berevoked.“We never really liked him, but as long as

he was paying his dues, we figured whatthe hell,” stated RBF spokesperson BarneyGlotz in a brief moment of clarity. “I meanit was an extra case of beer at the executivemeetings.”Party insiders state that Mr. Campbell’s

recent arrest in Maui for drunk driving hasbroken one of the slate’s central tenents.“We are all for a blood alcohol content of

0.149, but you’re not supposed to drive. Itshows either great stupidity or an unwill-ingness to stay the course and drink untilyou pass out and the bartender has tothrow you in a cab,” continued Mr. Glotz.“If he is going to do things like that hebecomes a liability not only to himself, butalso to his party and anyone else who isdumb enough to associate with him. Wehad to cut him loose. We waited for his

membership dues to arrive first, ofcourse.”The decision was apparently not an easy

one.“The kegger . . . I mean, meeting, lasted all

night and into the early hours of the morn-ing. Man am I hosed,” Ralph Klein, recov-ering leader of the Albertan branch of theRadical Beer Faction, weighed in. “Youknow, people like this ruin it for the rest ofus alchoholic premiers. No wonder wecan’t get any breaks.”When asked what this means for the

future of B.C. politics, Gordon Campbellresponded, “No, oshifer, I dident habanythig to drunk except watuh. The lineson da road jus’ kep’ movim back and fo.’”Government insiders have stated that

Gordon Campbell has come out strongly infavour of increasing public transport, nowthat he no longer has a valid driver’slicense.Benjamin Warrington, editor of the 432,

stated, “I know we’re beating a dead horsehere, but I couldn’t help it . . . the stupidbastard got caught driving drunk.”

VOLUME SIXTEEN ISSUE EIGHT 21 JANUARY 2003

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“I have to say that, in a darkened room, a flaming toilet has a strange kind of beauty that can only be described as‘a strange kind of beauty.’”

-Dave Barry

BC Government ConsidersLegalizing Marijuana

Pot Smokers Respond Mellowly

(Vancouver, Reuters)

Protesters had a sit-in in Victoria yes-terday when plans to not onlydecriminalize but actually legalize

marijuana were announced by the BC gov-ernment. Talks have been in the works forseveral months now, but the recent leakthat it was going to go through has somepeople fuming.“This is illegal, immoral, and irresponsi-

ble,” said one concerned individual. “Theydon't have the legal right to do this to thecitizens of B.C.. I'm from Vancouver, andthis is going to destroy my neighbourhood.Right now, I've got a nice, mellow relation-ship between myself and my tenants, butwe're in a low-income neighbourhood anda lot of people on our block smoke. Cur-rently, I pay $8 a gram. I can't afford $4 oftax on top of that! Citations about every sixmonths already cost me $80/year. I sure ashell can't afford $4 more a gram . . . $48 aweek . . . 52 weeks . . . almost a thousandbucks a year! Screw that! I'm not going tobe able to split a bowl with my renters any-more—it'll be too expensive. They'll proba-bly get miffed and move out, and then

where'll I be? Expensive weed, no incomefrom renters—this new government initia-tive is going to ruin my life! Keep weedillegal!”Amidst the cries of, “don't fine, don't tax,”

placards crying, “The americans revoltedover tea—make my plants illegal,” andother seemingly senseless slogans, a fewpeople seemed to stand out. Through thesea of tents, pipes, and hemp sweaters,organizer and professional protesterMessy Deckhart waded, spewing quoteafter quote.“Yes, I believe people should have the

fundamental right to smoke. No, I don'tthink that it should be made legal. Becauseof taxes, and because we don't need anymore stop-smoking ads on TV.”He finally stopped talking to his hand,

and replied to our questions.“Yes, I think that the cost to society would

be huge. The average person spends twohours a day watching television; duringthat time they see an average of five stop-smoking ads. That's not counting the myr-iad patch, gum, and alternative methodads. Now, assume that there are just as

many stop-smoking-weed ads; suddenly,people have five ads a day. That's two anda half minutes. There's three million peoplein BC: That's over five and a half MILLIONwork days used per year, in BC alone, justbecause they went and made it legal? Whata waste of human resources!” He contin-ued his ramble as he strolled along.Students are especially affected by the

new legislation. The appearance of being arebel by smoking pot won't be as firm, andmany are expected to turn to new, harderdrugs to maintain their “hardcore” image.This could potentially lead to social

acceptance of the harder drugs, result-ing in them, too, being legalized.“A few years down the road, the

potential tax revenues could reallyturn our economy around.” GaryCollins, BC Finance Minister, project-ed. “Once we are able to tax the reallyexpensive drugs, our financial prob-lems will be solved. There will be plen-ty of money for such things as pavingthe premier’s driveway and reopen-ning hospitals. Of course, the hospitalswill probably fill up with overdoses,

but that’s not my problem.”With even the remotest possibility of mar-

ijuana being both socially acceptable andlegal, the University administration hasalready begun the long process of banningit from campus.“We envision the smoke disappearing

shortly after the alcohol and shortly beforethe fun,” an anonymous insider related.“After that it will be pure emotionlesslearning. Hooray!”“Whoa, my hands are huge,” stated

Martha Piper.

Gordon Campbell KickedOut of Radical Beer FactionCensored by AMS Elections

Censored by AMS Elections

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Censored by AMS ElectionsCensored

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Page Two THE FOUR THIRTY TWO 21 January 2003

VOLUME SIXTEEN

ISSUE EIGHT

21 JANUARY 2003

EditorBenjamin Warrington

the432@hotmail.com

Assistant EditorWill Chao

ContributorsAnna-Marie Bueno

Kyrke Gaudreau

Gill Gunson

Miyako Hewett

Vanessa Kay

Jo Krack

Hedy Lam

Kevin Nottle

Annes Song

Reka Sztopa

Ben Tippett

Eric Tong

Sameer Wahid

Benjamin Warrington

Dan Yokom

Eggy Yuh

Chris Zappavigna

Printed byCollege Printers, Vancouver, BC

Legal InformationThe 432 is published fortnightly

from the pancreas of the (Colonel)Klinck Building. All views expressedin this issue are strictly those of theindividual writers, and as such arenot the responsibility of the 432,The Science Undergraduate Society,or the Faculty of Science. Writersand cartoonists are encouraged tosubmit their material to the 432.Submissions must meet the require-ments of making the editor chuckleat least thrice, and contain theauthor’s name and contact infor-mation.

We would like to encourage readerfeedback. Be it nasty, perverted, orjust plain mean, we still want tohear it. Especially if it is perverted.

Contact us at: the432@hotmail.com

Remember views expressed arethose of the contributors. Don’t likeit? Then contribute.

Over the last two weeks I have watched Editor dig himselfdeeper into his stress pit full or marking, research paper,thesis work, homework, the 432. So, I have taken up the

task of writing a 432 token rant.Seagulls: Too many seagulls. I was attacked by three of them last

week while attempting to make my way across campus withpizza. The bad thing is, is that I can't do anything backto them or I'll get lynched by those animal rights people.These birds attack anything with food, including themisshapen squirrel with the bagel chunk that got chasedand dive-bombed all the way down agriculture road.B-lots: There isn't enough. UBC Parking and security

have been dumb enough to let cars park right at theentrance of B6, albeit one parking stall, large enough tolet small cars in, trapping in any vans, pick-ups or larg-er than compact cars. Every morning is a mad rush toget parking spaces. Where have all the parking lotsgone? Faculty and staff housing. Meanwhile the ratio ofavailable housing to students on campus has decreasedleading to the increase of rent off-campus. Slum land-lords are providing shittier accommodations and higherrent.Student loans: Not enough. By the time you've paid for

tuition and books, you're left with $500 to live on. Unfor-tunately, that's only enough for rent (if you're lucky).Part-time job will feed you, provided that you don't eatout. By the time you're finished studying and working,there is no time left to relax and socialize. Also creates adebt.Part-time work. Necessary to feed yourself. Wearing

clothes is nice sometimes. Unfortunately during theschool year the part time job falls back to tutoring,housecleaning, and retail. All for shitty pay. It is partic-ularly frustrating when you have previously worked atbetter places for better pay such as in labs, governmentjobs, and research positions.The 432: Not enough articles and help. If you would

like to get involved and learn writing and publishingskills, here is your opportunity. I find that even in fourthyear, people still can't write worth shit. The majority ofpeople can't format things to look nice, or even have an

inkling on how to graphic design. Here's a tip for you: employerslike to see writing experience and are even more pleased whenthey see the publishing experience. Even lab supervisors. Thesethings are important.Extracurricular activities: Need to do more. I can't stress enough

the importance of doing anything else aside from studying, andcooking and cleaning your place. Not only do such activities suchas music, sports, and clubs better round you but they maintainyour sanity and keep you motivated.Sanity: Lacking. See above sections on extracurricular activities,

student loans, and part time jobs. If you can not identify with allthe above sections, consider yourself lucky. Real lucky.

Substitute Ranting

You just have to love the leaders we have to day, and thegreat example they set for all us up and coming go getters,who want to follow in their footsteps. With such great

examples as Bush’s pacifism and diplomacy, Campbell’s personalsense of responsibility, and Chrétien’s development and supportof successors, you just know we can’t go wrong.I figure we could nominate Bush for a Nobel peace prize and

make it stick, the way things are going he’s not going to fighteither the PRK or Iraq. There are so many countries being bulliedinto stomping on Saddam that his own people will kick him out ofoffice before the first US soldier can step over the border. As forthe DPRK (aka North Korea), they’ll just wait until the entire USmilitary might is farting around in the desert, and then nuke DC.It should only take a few more months, by which time Rumsfeldwill have every single soldier, sailor, airman and marine in theGulf, too far away from Asia to retaliate when Kim Jom-il drops afew nukes on Bush. The entire US chain of command will disap-pear, so no one can order the grunts anywhere, and the last super-power is gone. So while it would be a posthumous award, we could still give

Dubyah a Nobel for preventing war with Iraq and the DPRK, solong as we don’t mind Alfred Nobel spinning in his grave for eter-nity. Now we get to the greatest leader in Canada since General Jean

Boyle blamed his subordinates for things he was responsible for,Jean Chrétien. He’s inspired absolutely amazing loyalty among hiscaucus, and near idolation from his right hand man of almost 10years, to the point that Martin takes every chance he can to stab hisboss in the back. He exemplifies the high ethical standards weexpect of politicians today, after all, he only gave his riding a fewmillion, unlike his cabinet ministers who’ve lost track of billions.But his greatest accomplishment has to be turning the choosing of

the next PM into a Canadian version of the US primaries.One of the greatest accomplishments of the process the US goes

through to choose their ultimate bosses, is that it lasts for at leastone year, and this time around the Democrats have started thingstwo years poll day. Chrétien has actually managed to beat Ameri-can’s usual standards by initiating a one and a half year long race.Now we can enjoy the Liberal party’s top people chopping intoeach other for the next 10 months. Celebrity death match will havenothing on us.You just have to love it when a countries leaders undermine each

other in a public arena.While not about to plunge the world into nuclear winter by pure

stupidity, Gordon Campbell doesn’t inspire like a good leadershould either.After lambasting every NDP minister that got so much as a park-

ing ticket, and proclaiming to the skies they should resign, nowthat he is in line for a criminal conviction, drunk driving isn’t sucha big deal. Our current Premier has consistently held elected offi-cials in BC to very high standards. The slightest hint of impropri-ety was grounds for dismissal from cabinet or the governing party.No mistake was too small to feel the blast of the leader of the offi-cial opposition. He even forced one of his own backbencher’s to sitas an independent after the bloke was investigated by the RCMP.Now we find that once again, the greatest moralist is really the

biggest hypocrite. Campbell refuses to resign, claiming that whathappened in Hawaii was a purely personal matter, and had noth-ing to do with his job as Premier. I have to take exception withthat, drunk driving is a sign of poor judgment on a fairly basicmatter, personal survival. If the head of the Provincial govern-ment can’t demonstrate he understands something so black andwhite, how can we trust that he’ll steer the proper course throughall the difficult matters this province faces?For once it would be nice to have a political leader who actually

lives up to the standards he preaches.Seriously people, this is scary, can’t we get anyone good to lead

us before things go down the crapper for real?

A Lovely Lack of LeadershipKevin Nottle

Lost and Aimless

SUS & BIOSOC Presents…

SCIENCE WEEK BZZR

GARDEN

Date: Thursday, January 30th

4 – 7 pm

Location: Biol. Sci. Bldg. 2449

Cost: (includes FREE MUG)

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Questions? biosoc@shaw.ca

Miyako Hewett

A true student

21 January 2003 THE FOUR THIRTY TWO Page Three

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Now that I’ve been in Japan for fourwhole months, I’m amazed at allthe stuff I never knew I never

knew! I’d hate for my loyal readers toremain as ignorant as I once was, so I’vedecided to use this issue’s column to bringyou all up to speed. You can thank melater, really. 1. Dessert is made of rice and beans. And

all this time I thought those were dinnerfoods! Oh, how wrong I was! Rice can bepounded into a sticky paste (known as“mochi”), and then sweetened. Red andblack beans can be made into paste andthen added to bread, mochi, ice cream, orwhat-have-you. I wonder what they’llthink of next! I suppose it isn’t that strangeto turn dinner staples into desserts—afterall, if healthy European staple foods (pota-toes) can be turned into junk food (wantfries with that?), then I suppose makingmeat ice cream is just around the corner.Mmmmm! 2. Corn belongs on pizza. I really have no

idea how Pizza Hut missed the ball on thisone. Corn is actually quite tasty on pizza—I’m definitely sold on that topping. Couldsomeone over there in Vancouver please

call up Pizza Hut and see if you can getcorn added to the menu? They may hangup on you the first few times, but eventu-ally they’ll realize the growing demand fornon-traditional pizza-veggies. Mayon-naise, on the other hand . . . oh, pleasedon’t go demanding mayonnaise, unlessyou’re Quebecois. It really overpowerseverything else on the pizza, and can makeit soggy to boot. Thumbs down on mayon-naise pizza. I have no idea where theJapanese came up with that idea. 3. Hello Kitty is God. Well, more specifi-

cally, Sanrio (Japanese company that ownsHello Kitty, along with much of the cutestuff in Japan) is God, and Hello Kitty isthe device through which Sanrio commu-nicates to the masses. Wait, does that makeHello Kitty Jesus? I’m not going to get intothat. Anyway, Hello Kitty reigns supremehere. Always has, always will. Since the1970s, the mouthless feline has gained acult-like following of the cute-fetishists ofJapan. I’ve even heard tales of people whohave decorated their entire homes a laHello Kitty. Which is really not that hard todo, given the sheer scope of Hello Kittyproducts out there. Just the other day, Ifound a pink Hello Kitty toaster in a sec-ond hand shop. And of course, I’m suremany of you have heard of the infamousHello Kitty vibrator (I’ve seen pictures of itbut haven’t felt the urge to go trackingdown the real things . . . I’m kinky, but not

that kinky!). So now you know: don’t messwith Hello Kitty. 4. Only Japanese people live in Japan.

Now, I’m pretty sure I’m not Japanese, andI’ve seen some others over here who defi-nitely weren’t either. But for some reason,the locals seem to think that we non-Japan-ese are some sort of optical illusion orsomething. I’m sure the reason they stareat me wherever I go is that they’re sure thatat any moment, I might pull off my maskand reveal my true Japanese face — andthey definitely don’t want to miss it! I cansee no other logical explanation. After all,English movies starring real-live non-Japanese people are popular over here, andsometimes non-Japanese people appear onTV or in the papers or yes, even out thereon the street. So they can’t be staringbecause they’ve never seen a non-Japaneseperson before. Whatever the reason, I’vefound myself starting to do it too: whenev-er I see a non-Japanese face, I find myselfstaring, trying to figure out where on earththat strange-looking person came from. I’mbeginning to have trouble with mirrors,too, which is a real problem. So if, this Sep-tember, you see a distinctly non-Japanesegirl staring at you, it’s probably just me,adjusting once more to the multiculturalcity that is Vancouver. 5. There is no such thing as noise pollu-

tion. Before, I used to think that neigh-

bours who decided to rev their motorcy-cles over and over again at 3 AM wereinconsiderate. Now I understand thatman-made noise is as natural as the soundof rain. My education in this area beganwith a blaring siren at 8 AM one morning.No, no, it wasn’t an ambulance. It was asmall truck that was slowly drivingthrough residential areas, blaring anadvertisement for something. I heard aloud siren (think air horn), then a loud jin-gle (eerily enough, sung in a child’s voice),and then a loud announcement of why Ishould buy a particular brand of tofu. Thismessage was then repeated, over and overand over and over . . . So of course I feltthat my personal space had been invaded,considering that the truck’s message wasabout ten times louder than the ice creamtruck music I’m used to at home. But whenI talked to my Japanese friends about it,they didn’t seem to understand why I hada problem with being woken up at 8 AMby a tofu jingle. So I must conclude thatnoise is not considered invasive, even if itsvolume is loud enough to penetrate con-crete walls. I seem to be running out of room, so I’ll

save the rest of my discoveries for the nextissue. Until then, feel free to email me atgimmekrack@hotmail.com with your opin-ions on bean desserts, corn on pizza, HelloKitty, or whatever else strikes your fancy!

Japanese PrimerJo Krack

Worships the Kitty

Let me be the first to say that I’m tech-nologically challenged. Yes, I can useMicrosoft Office and abuse email as

well as anyone else. But as far as the icq,messenger and music downloading ragethat seems to have become ubiquitous overthe past couple of years…not so much. It’snot that I wouldn’t like to become a part ofthe uber-wired world and (a) meet peoplehalfway across the world who say thatthey are something that they’re probablynot - i.e., young, and not a pedophile, (b)“talk” to people that I see on a daily ornear-daily basis, or (c) get stuff for free,because free stuff is good. It’s not that at all.Most of it has to do with the fact that I ameasily distracted, and would likely spendall of my time on the internet, talking aboutrandom things with random people andtherefore spend even more time procrasti-nating than I already do. But mostly it hasto do with the fact that I still connect to theinternet through a modem, and a slow oneat that. So, you’ll have to forgive me if it seems

like I’m behind the technological times.Since when does everyone have a palm

pilot/PDA? (What the hell does PDA standfor anyway? Progressive demonic agita-tion? Penitent distributive analysis?) Asidefrom the fact that it’s infinitely difficult towrite anything normal on a PDA - what’swith the crazy hieroglyphics? - I’d bescared to lose the bloody thing. My dayplanner is on four sheets of paper, one foreach month from now until the end ofterm. I don’t lose it because it’s cheap; if Ihad a PDA, I would lose it within a week(some sort of inverse relationship betweenan object’s monetary worth and the likeli-hood that I will lose it). And consider whatwould happen if you lost your PDA: theperson who found it would have access toyour entire phone book (and thus your cir-cle of friends and not-friends), and yourscheduled activities for however long thatinformation is stored. Fallen into thewrong hands, this could be disastrous. For all you know, it’s all part of an alien

plot (clearly, the aliens already live amongus or are controlling us, as seen by theintervention of the Raelians) to slowlyreplace us all. Conveniently plant thesepalm held devices in a population of tech-nology-obsessed creatures, and then trickthem into becoming entirely dependent onthem. Then, when the time is right, removethe person, replace them with a clone, andupload the information into the clone. In

theory, the clone has all of the short-termmemory of the person that they replaced,and no one would be any wiser. Then there’s the whole issue of messaging,

et cetera. While it’s somewhat silly to bemessaging someone that you see fairlyoften (why not just use the phone? Is themulti-tasking aspect of communicationreally that necessary?), it’s another issue tobe meeting people on the internet. Internetrelationships are unlikely to be successful;aside from that, they’re creepy. What kindof person resorts to meeting peoplethrough electronic media rather than actu-ally talking to them face to face? A friend ofmine (let’s call him Bruce) meets girlsexclusively through the internet, presum-ably because he doesn’t have the courageor means to meet them otherwise. Heseems like an otherwise normal person:he’s capable of carrying on a decent con-versation, and while he’s not anythingspectacular to look at, he’s not foul either.And yet he meets all of these girls on theinternet, who are, in turn, willing to meethim in person. Don’t these people watchDateline or Oprah? And the girls that he meets (or at least, the

ones that are acceptable enough for him tobring out into public) are generally nice,but somehow slightly pathetic. Or are theyslightly pathetic because I know that

they’ve met my friend over the internet?Not sure. In any case, they seem delightedwith Bruce, presumably because he isn’t acreepy old pedophile. Are internet datingstandards lower than those of the face-to-face world? Bruce would never get noticedin a bar, club, or even Starbucks. He justdoesn’t stand out much, and he doesn’t domuch to change it. But in the land of inter-net dating, he’s almost studly. Big empha-sis on almost. An optimist would say that the internet

allows someone to express his or her per-sonality before appearance colours any-thing. In theory, when you meet the personwhom you’ve gotten to know so well, theway they look should be trivial, becauseyou’ve already fallen for their brilliantsense of humour and acute knack forquirky observations. Or maybe for theirmastery of aromatherapy and its applica-tions to quantum mechanics. Whatever. Ormaybe it’s just that the people who aresearching for love on the internet areexpecting the absolute worst (I quoteanother friend: “if she’s looking for some-one on the internet, she must be a dog,”and I presume it goes the other way.) andso when you get something that’s sub-par,it seems like heaven. Dammit, I’m so going to hell.

Eggy Yuh

Going Straight to Hell

Technology is Overrated

Page Four THE FOUR THIRTY TWO 21 January 2003

Last month at my birthday party afriend taped a 25-cent coin to mybirthdaycard and wrote, “Welcome

to the quarter-century club”. Crap. Whendid I become an adult?But having reached such a milestone in

my life, I have been looking back upon myyears, pondering what has made me, uh,whatever it is I am today. Strangely, thefirst five years seem to have had a greateffect, despite the twenty I spent after themrecovering.Of course, my life was pretty limited in

those days. Highlights include the one jokewe would tell in the bathroom in preschool(“Knock knock,” “Who’s there?” “MickeyMouse’s underwear!” somehow neverstops being funny when you’re 4), and get-ting a bald spot from handing another girlsome scissors and saying, “now we canplay ‘haircut’ for real!”My home life, however, was far less enter-

taining. This was before I could read, and Iwas an only child. So my off-hours werespent in front of the TV. I seem to remem-ber the shows more vividly than anythingI actually did myself, sadly.Here, then, are some of the “educational”

shows that sucked the first five years of mylife away from me. Strange how they allhave the human-puppet interaction goingon . . .

Today’s Special: 1981-87TV Ontario is responsible for this one, set

during the night hours of a departmentstore. I’m not surprised that a government-supported media network would budget ashow that encouraged consumerism at an

early age. Anyways, the show starred a mannequin

named Jeff who comes to life thanks to amagic hat that surprisingly matches therest of his outfit. Other characters include awindow dresser (a chick with the sort ofafro you wish you had at Discotronic); twopuppets playing the security guard and in-store mouse; and the store computer. Nooffense to those of the shorter persuasion,but even back then I figured that an elder-ly man less than 4 feet tall was hardly aneffective night watchman. And the mouseonly spoke in rhymes; even I find that dif-ficult at times. The computer was quite an advancement

in the field of artificial intelligence, havingboth a personality and emotions. Thiswould only prove to confuse me later inlife when my father brought home his firstIBM. My greetings of “hello computer”typed into the command prompt onlyreceived responses about syntax error.

Sesame Street: 1969 ‘til hell freezes overVarious humans and Muppets living and

interacting on some street with studiolighting and no traffic. I remember findingit rather boring a good portion of the time,if only because The Muppet Show (1976-80) was so much better. And it was oddthat Kermit the Frog never mentions TheMuppet Show during Sesame Street, orvice-versa. Reporter by day, variety showhost by night. No wonder Miss Piggy wasjealous.And the whole existence of Mr. Snuffleu-

pagus was quite distressing. Prior to 1985,only Big Bird ever saw him and everyoneelse on the Street believed him to be animaginary friend. Now, I can understandthat the idea of a woolly mammoth enter-ing and leaving the neighbourhood unseenmight seem a bit implausible; but the factthat it’s coming from an 8-foot-tall talkingbird should’ve then warranted it some con-

sideration. In any case, I ended up beingmad at Mr. Snuffleupagus for always run-ning away before anyone other than BigBird showed up (he should’ve known howBB was looking the fool), and mad at theneighbourhood people for not believingBB in the first place. I mean, who keeps animaginary friend for 14 years? Unless theyhave psychological problems and later winthe Nobel Prize and have a movie made oftheir life. However, that’s hardly Bible beltapproved subject matter for a children’sshow.

Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood: 1967-2001“It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood,”

sings Mr. Rogers as he enters his house,changing his shoes for slippers and his coatfor a cardigan. I never could understandthis clothing swap of his. Aren’t you sup-posed to wear less clothing at home thanoutside? My mother told me at the timethat he was from a generation that didn’toften have central heating, but I stillthought it was weird. At some point in the show the enigmatic

Trolley would show up and we’d follow itto the “Neighborhood of Make-Believe”where hand-puppets and humans wouldinteract as if there was nothing strangeabout there being a good portion of thepopulation larger than any of its buildings.As if that wasn’t trippy enough, there’s apuppet named Henrietta Pussycat with thesort of speech impediment that obscuresmeaning: “Meow meow meow kill, meowmeow your meow, meow parents meow.”I actually ended up meeting the man who

played Officer Clemens when his gospelgroup came to UBC to sing with the ChoralUnion. Not surprisingly, a lot of us remem-bered him.

Polka Dot Door: 1971-?I don’t even remember, really, what this

show was about. There would always be

two adults, and four stuffed toys namedHumpty (egg with appendages), Dumpty(same), Marigold (girl-doll) and Bear (whata stupid name). And there was the Door.Whenever we were to be subjected to someeducational segment the camera wouldzoom in on one of the big dots on the Door,which would then open and we’d go“through” the dot. As the door had a han-dle (at least, I think it did), I never couldsee why we couldn’t just use it like normalpeople.The highlight of the show was when

Polkaroo, a species- and gender-ambigu-ous creature, would show up in the back-yard (why it didn’t come through the Door,nobody knows). I don’t think it could sayanything besides its own name, but thehumans could understand it anyways.Obviously Polkaroo wielded some sort ofmind-control ability for this to happen,and to not yet be locked up in some sort ofinstitution. Mind you, Luke Skywalker andC3PO could understand R2D2 . . .I did discover, while researching this arti-

cle (ha), that in 1996 a new show called“Polkaroo and Friends” or some such non-sense started airing, and Polkaroo can nowtalk. With a man’s voice. Well, they had topick one.

You know, after thinking about these pro-grams I used to watch, I really wonderwhy nowadays we make fun of shows likeTeletubbies and Barney & Friends. Noth-ing seems to have changed; we still havethe characters with uncertain sexual orien-tation, gigantic puppets looking like theystepped out of a Tide commercial, andstrange journeys through illogical portals(whether they be too-small door flaps orTV screens surgically implanted intoabdomens). Face it: the toddlers of todayare watching the same things we did. Andthey’re going to turn out exactly like us.Now, does that make you feel any better?

Polka Dots on the DoorGill Gunson

Turned out TV

Health Care is Taking a new Direction

Consider a career in Alternative and Complementary Therapies!

CAREER FAIR Wednesday, January 29th 2003

9am – 3:30pmUBC Student Union Building PartyRoom

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MONDAY, JANUARY 27

Keynote Lecture (Norm Theatre, 12:30-2pm) – Dr. Goef-frey Scudder from the department of Zoology speaks aboutthe nature and importance of biodiversity with discussionon the past, present and future threats. Current conserva-tion planning for the South Okanogan will be used as anexample. This will be precluded by a talk by Bill Warehamfrom the David Suzuki Foundation, “Careers in conserva-tion science: working in the non-profit sector in BC.”

Dr. Scudder is a Professor Emeritus at the University ofBritish Columbia, having served as Head of the Departmentof Zoology (1976-1991) and Interim Director of the Centrefor Biodiversity Research (1993-1995). He is a zoologist, withspecial interest and experience in entomology, biosystemat-ics, biogeography, biodiversity, conservation biology andevolution. He is a world expert in the systematics of seedbugs. He has published over 250 scientific papers, and hasedited two books. He was involved in the formulation of theCanadian Biodiversity Strategy, serves on the BiologicalSurvey of Canada, and was an rigorous proponent ofimprovements to the recently passed federal Species at RiskAct. He is active in biodiversity conservation planing in theSouth Okanagan. He currently serves on the Board of Direc-tors of the Nature Trust of British Columbia, and advisorycommittees of Environment Canada, the EntomologicalSociety of Canada, and the BC Ministry of Water, Land andAir Protection. He is a fellow of the Royal Society of Canada,and a member of the Order of Canada, and is still activelyinvolved in research and public education.

Professor Talent Show (Norm Theatre, 5:30-6:30pm) –Come see some of your Science Professors perform or dis-play their unique talents outside of the classrooms. Everwanted an opportunity to just chat with your professor?This event will give you the opportunity to discuss topicsother than school!! This will be an awesome evening ofentertainment, no doubt.

Movie Night (Norm Theatre, 7-8:30pm) – “Weird Science”Hosted by the Intergrated Science Students Association, thisis an 80’s cult classic, starring Bill Paxton, Robert DowneyJr., Kelly LeBrock and Anthony Michael Hall, “Weird Sciencecombines two great traditions in popular entertainment:Inflamed male teenage fantasies and Frankenstein’s mon-ster. Then it crosses them with a new myth, that of theteenage computer geniuses who lock themselves in theirbedrooms, hunch over their computer keyboards and writeprograms that can change the universe.” (Ebert, 1985)

FREE to everyone including free pop and popcorn. Comerelax and watch a great movie.

Science WScience WSCIENCE WEEK CHARITYThis year the Science Undergraduate Society has proudlychosen the David Suzuki Foundation (DSF) as the ScienceWeek Charity. Donation boxes as well as a raffle draw willbe set-up with all proceeds going to DSF.

Since 1990, the David Suzuki Foundation has worked tofind ways for society to live in balance with the natural worldthat sustains us. Focusing on four program areas – oceansand sustainable fishing, forests and wild lands, climatechange and clean energy, and the web of life, the Foundationuses science and education to promote solutions that helpconserve nature. Check out www.davidsuzuki.org for moreinformation.

SMURFING STATIONSWatch out for Smurfing Info Stations all over campus, hand-ing out information about all our events and generallyspreading the Science love! Paint your face with ScienceBlue!! Show your spirit!!!

CLUB BOOTHSAll of our clubs will have a booth in the SUB all week, socome check out the cool things they do, funky displays, awe-some demonstations, fun games, and get info about upcom-ing events. You can furthermore network with students whohave the same interests. There will also be a SUS SalesBooth which will be selling great SUS merchandise, ColdFusion Tickets, and tickets to our raffle draw with 1 GrandPrize of a Princton Review MCAT Hyperlearning Course and1 Grand Prize of any available Kaplan Course includingMCAT, GRE, DAT, LSAT, and more.

SCIENCE WEEK EVENTS,www.ams.ubc.ca/sus

27-31 JANUMondayGeneral Info

Editor: Benjamin WarringtonCover: Sameer WahidContent: Dan Yokom

FRIDAY, JANUARY 31

Science Olympics (SUBSouth Plaza, 12-1pm) –Teams of 6-8 people competein fun games to win greatprizes. These games include“Spin State” (mini-trikraces), “Electron-TransportChain”, and more. Teamswith Professors, and TA’s areencouraged, and teams fromother faculties we would par-ticularly enjoy beating. Lookfor registration sheets on theback of this page and in theSUS Lounge, LSK 202.

Barbeque (SUB SouthPlaza, 11-1pm) – Hosted bythe SUS First Year Commit-tee, come enjoy cheap yettasty eats and beverages,and even tastier company.

COLD FUSION – (SUB Ball-room, 6:30-11pm) – Featur-ing Wide Mouth Mason, andStabilo Boss. If you missedWMM at last year’s MainEvent Carnival, they are notto be missed again. TheBallroom will provide theperfect atmosphere for arocking concert. Further-more, Cold Fusion has a his-tory of hosting big namebands, before they were bignames, including Our LadyPeace, and Nickelback. Thisyear should be no exceptionas Stabilo Boss comes toopen. These guys are amaz-ing and should definitely bechecked out. Cold Fusion2003 is going to be an awe-some concert, with ticketsselling at only $10 at Sub-cetera, SUS Lounge, LSK202, or at the Science WeekSales Booth in the SUB.Everyone must be able toproduce identification at thedoor, sorry.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 30

Chemistry Magic Show(Chem B150, 1-2pm) –Hosted by the Undergradu-ate Chemistry Society, comewatch undergraduate Scien-tists perform unbelievablefeats of chemistry beforeyour very own eyes.

AIMS Lecture (Norm The-atre, 12:30-1:30pm) – Host-ed by the Alternative andIntegrative Medical Soci-ety, Christina Awramspeaks in the OutrageousHappiness Series, “LightenUp and Live It Up.”

Life Sciences Career Fair(SUB Ballroom, 5-8pm) –Hosted by the Faculties ofScience and Agricultural Sci-ences, this is an opportunityfor life science students tolearn about work experienceand network with potentialemployers. Science Stu-dents can get tickets fromthe Dean of Science Office.

Cheese Making (Wesb 238,4pm) – Hosted by the Micro-biology and ImmunologyStudent Association, learnhow to make cheese with Dr.Smit. Generally a huge voidin the lives of most people.

Bzzr Garden (BioSci 2449,4-7pm) – Hosted by the Biol-ogy Society, come drink, andrelax, why not, it’s a Thurs-day.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 28

Open House (SUS Lounge,LSK 202, 9am-12pm) –Come relax, watch a movie,hang out and meet some coolpeople in your SUS Lounge.Enjoy donuts and coffee.

Beyond First Year (SUBBallroom, 12-1:30pm) –Hosted by the Faculty of Sci-ence this event is designed toenlighten first year studentsabout all their opportunitiesafter their first year of Sci-ence at UBC. Each depart-ment will be represented, sothis will be a great opportu-nity to get all your questionsanswered as well as networkwith people in your fields ofinterest.

Chemistry Magic Show(Chem B150, 1-2pm) –Hosted by the Undergradu-ate Chemistry Society,come watch undergraduateScientists perform unbe-lievable feats of chemistrybefore your very own eyes.

WWeek 2003eek 2003WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 29

Pancake Breakfast (GeoBuilding Basement, 9-11am) – Hosted by theGeography Students Asso-ciation, come out andenjoy a cheap pancakebreakfast.

JELLO WRESTLING (SUBBallroom, 12-1pm) – SUS’2nd annual risqué eventmatches up your AMS Exec,Board of Governor Reps,Student Senators, Con-stituency Exec, and Jr. ResAssociation Presidents in600L of Science Blue JELLOin a battle of wits, balanceand strength.

Beyond the B.Sc. (Wood 1,5-6:30pm) – Hosted by theFaculty of Science thisevent is designed for grad-uating students to attendworkshops about what lifeis like after they obtaintheir Bachelor of Science.

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21 January 2003 THE FOUR THIRTY TWO Page Five

Gordo Versus Clint Eastwood -bn

The January 15th AMS meeting wasshort compared to the marathon ses-sion at the end of last term, but many

important issues were discussed last meet-ing. Here's a recap:

Tuition Report and ConsultationUBC Vice-President Students, Brian Sulli-

van, gave a presentation reviewing lastyear's tuition increase, and spoke brieflyabout the proposed increases for next year.Key spending areas from last year's tuitionincrease included salary settlements forfaculty, funds to sustain the current learn-ing environment, and a 15% increase tostudent financial aid. While the number ofbursaries given out this year has not risenmuch this year, the average amount hasincreased by almost $1000. On the acade-mic side, the university has been able tokeep the student-faculty ratio and averagesection size at the same levels as last year,which is an achievement considering theconstant increase in these numbers inrecent years. Next year's planned tuitionincrease is earmarked to continue salarysettlements (which have accumulated dueto the tuition freeze), attempt to decreasethe student-faculty ratio and average sec-tion size, and provide $5 million for "newstudent and learning support allocations".The tuition proposal is supposed to bevoted on in the January Board of Gover-nors meeting, but may be postponed toFebruary due to the lack of student consul-tation until now.

U-PASS!Well, you've all heard the rumours of a

University Bus Pass, which are true! TheAMS has been working on a deal withTranslink for the past few months, and isnow bringing the question before studentsin a referendum. The current deal is aeight month bus pass (Sept. - Apr.), whichwould cost $20 per student, and $15 forstudents in UBC Housing. The pass wouldbe valid for all transit use within theGVRD, with the exception of the WestCoast Express (which would be at a dis-counted rate). The deal ensures that nofare increases would occur in the first twoyears of the plan, and also provides forincreased bus service along major routes tomeet the higher demand. Furthermore,students would have access to better end-of-trip facilities for those who choose alter-native transport (bike, rollerblade, etc.).While this deal brings a $63 bus pass downto $20, the downside is that the pass wouldbe mandatory for all students (except thosein co-op outside the GVRD, or those onexchange at another university). The refer-endum is scheduled to occur on Feb. 10th -14th, so stay tuned for more info, or surf tohttp://www.ams.ubc.ca/upass/index.html.

AMS ElectionsThe AMS Elections are happening right

now!!! This year marks a first in AMS Elec-tions - Online Voting! The AMS is pushingfor a higher voter turnout, and the bestway to help is to VOTE! Positions on theballot are the AMS Executive, Board ofGovernors, Senate (at-large), Student LegalFund Society, and Ubyssey PublicationsSocieyt. So, when after reading the paper,go VOTE online athttp://www.ams.ubc.ca/elections.

AMSAccess

Sameer W. & Dan Y.

AMS Correspondents

Page Six THE FOUR THIRTY TWO 21 January 2003

Fluffer: Well if it isn’t my good friendSparknuts the dog. Tell me Sparky, how areyou doing here at UBC?Sparknuts: Actually, dear Fluffy, I’m

enjoying my science education with greatgusto. In fact, just today, I learned thatWater is a liquid, and if you jump out of abuilding, you fall down. What about you?Are you enjoying bastardizing people?Fluffer: In fact, I truly am. Commerce is

such a great Faculty to be in, for that veryreason. I mean, how can someone in com-merce accuse me of being evil when theyare surely far more evil than I am. More-over, I am simply a cat, and therefore it isin my very essence to be evil.Sparknuts: I guess you have a point there.

I mean, when you shit on some poor kid,chances are he’ll die, and I mean, how canyou be blamed for something that is inyour very nature?Fluffer: Exactly my point dear Sparky.

Whereas you, on the other hand, will getput down the first time you bite a poor lit-tle boy. But I guess that’s the major differ-ence between Commerce and Science any-ways. You get blamed for many of thethings we profit from. It is for this very rea-son that I pity you outrageously.Sparknuts: Please don’t worry about pity-

ing me. I firmly believe that there is a high-er power that we all answer to, be it God ofNature, and I know that at the end of theday, my wife doesn’t hate me. And such iswhy you are only hurting yourself. Try toremember that we scientists are man’s best

friend.Fluffer: You? Man’s best friend. You’re

nothing but a stupid mutt who licks hisown balls and pees on everything in sight.Sparknuts: Lick my own balls? I’ve seen

more cats doing it than anyone else. You’rejust a stupid pussy who tries to act toughbut just runs away and jumps out of a heli-copter at the first sign of trouble. Your ownmother disowned you, because you triedto sell her. Every time you take a shit,you’re really spawning.Fluffer: You fucken rabic dog. You would-

n’t have a job if it weren’t for me. You callme evil, but no one puts the gun to yourhead and forces you to make a bomb. Youdo it out of your own volition and call itscience. I call it genocide. Suddenly, Lance the Squirrel pops out of the

tree right next to where Sparknuts and Flufferare discussing.Lance: Hey you two assholes. Why don’t

you shut the fuck up: I’m trying to mergewith this tree.Sparknuts: Fucken AgSci students,

they’re all just a bunch of fucken moronswho sit in trees and chitter on about nuts.God I hate them. Fluffer: True that. And talk about rabies,

they spread it more than anyone else.Sparknuts: Anyways, I have to go take a

piss, and that fire hydrant over there lookspretty promising. It was nice to talk to youdear Fluffers.Fluffer: You too dear Sparky, always a

pleasure. I hope to run into you anotherday.

I apologize profusely for this, but it made mechuckle, so I felt obligated to print it.

-ed.

A Trilogy in 1 Part

Kyrke Gaudreau

Fluffer Nuts?

The Adventures of Fluffer, aCat, and Sparknuts, a Dog.

Sarah opened her door a crack andpeered down the cluttered Vanierhallway. The coast was clear! She

grabbed her umbrella and hurried towardsthe stairs.Much to Sarah’s dismay, her roommate

Molly was bouncing up the stairs towardsher, clinging to the arm of the newboyfriend destiny had delivered at the pre-vious weekend’s kegger.“Morning, Sare-bear!”, Molly squeaked

enthusiastically. “Wanna come shoppingwith me downtown? My student loan justcame in and I totally need some new silvershoes for the Christmas formal!”Tempted as she was by the prospect,

Sarah held fast to her purpose. “I can’t”,she replied firmly, “I’ve gotta go.”“What’s wrong?” shrieked Molly. “Just

skip your class! C’mon!”“I can’t,” Sarah sighed. “It’s not a class, it’s

a …doctor’s appointment. Sorry, but I’malready late. Gotta go!”She flew by Molly and sped furtively

away to her secret solace: the Poetry Soci-ety.It was unlike her to lead a double life.

Lying to her floormates and drinking bud-dies caused acute shame to burn in herhonest heart. But there was simply noother way. For the sake of her faculty’spride, no-one must know that she, anupstanding Chemistry student, had resort-ed to writing melodramatic, inexact poetry.Most importantly of all, no-one must sus-pect her foolish and doomed passion for aman who clearly cared nothing for her.Poetry was her only comfort, the only out-let for her tortured feelings. Ever since shehad set eyes on beautiful, brooding Mike,her soul had burned with an intensityimpossible to release elsewhere.Her first stop was a dingy Buchanan

Building basement bathroom where shewould encounter nobody from her regularlife. She removed a black turtleneck fromher backpack and switched clothes. LikeSuperman before the invention of the cellphone, she efficiently transformed into heralter ego then emerged from the stall,smudging black eye shadow oversparkling rosy lids.She made her way to the meeting, grateful

for the shelter and anonymity afforded bya mangled UBC umbrella. Today in partic-ular, her heart was aflutter and she reeledwith self-consciousness: the theme oftoday’s poetry reading was “PostmodernLove” and she was about to share a veryheartfelt piece.By the time it was her turn to stand and

recite, Sarah’s nervousness had becomeoverwhelming. She knew the poem likeshe knew her own emptiness, but keepingher eyes glued to the paper helped her for-get the room full of Arts students watchingher. Breathing deeply in a futile attempt togain composure, Sarah struggled to herfeet and began to recite in a shaky voice:

I ride my bike and dream of Mike

Mysterious, forceful in the night,A cowboy molecule’s brave trajectoryLeaving me, a volatile element.Leaving me:(a) voidLeaving me his broken toy.

She collapsed in her seat, still shakingfrom the emotion of this confession. It wastrue. She loved Mike and her life was notworth living without his sweet company.But she also knew beyond a doubt thatthey could never be together. His gruffbehavior in class Monday morning, hisdevil-may-care attitude towards missedmidterms, his casual disappearance thenight of their coffee date: these were allunmistakable signs that he was a dark anddangerous genius, far too worldly for asimple girl like her. She sighed woefully, acrystal tear escaping her brimming eyes.So grief-stricken was she that she scarcely

noticed the enthusiastic clapping that fol-lowed her reading, nor the next poetbeginning to read. Nothing penetrated hergloom until she heard her own name spo-ken. Another moment passed before sherecognized the familiar gentle eyes twin-kling from under the poet’s leather beret.Mike paused, his deep and melodious

voice catching briefly before he resumedhis recitation:

Incomparable Sarah,Math becomes meaninglessBefore the sweet unsolvable equationsOf your infinite eyes

Our intersecting arcsCould rise exponentiallyOur love is a proofNot of mathBut of physics, of gravityAnd animal magnetism.

As he finished reading, his words rangwith certainty for Sarah. Happiness andfulfillment were hers and she stood, gaz-ing rapt into his electric face.Suddenly, the sound of giggles shattered

the tension. The hoard of black-clad artybastards were laughing at Mike’s poem! Atfirst she felt furious, but soon Sarah beganto laugh as well, realizing that she wouldno longer need this outlet for torturedemotions. From now on it would be noth-ing but brainless love songs for Mike andher.Sarah rose and crossed the room to

embrace her beloved, never once breakingtheir gaze. Mike’s firm grip was on hershoulders and they kissed long and pas-sionately before the gaping crowd of poets.“So long, suckers”, shouted Mike as he

and Sarah turned to leave the Poetry Soci-ety once and for all. Then they ran hand inhand to the Pit where they drank like foolsand danced all night in each other’sunsteady arms.This is the end of the 432 harlequin. May it

rest in peace. All four authors have been com-mitted to asylums. Nobody knows what hap-pened to “Mike” and “Sarah.”

Harlequeen (Part V)Vanessa Kay

Royalty, Really

“Black holes are where God divided by zero.”- Steven Wright

21 January 2003 THE FOUR THIRTY TWO Page Seven

The Drawers of SUS

Hi Everyone. It has been a reallybusy first term so I haven’t had achance to write too much for the

432, but great things have and still are hap-pening with SUS. If you ever have anyquestions, concerns, comments or sugges-tions - please feel free to contact me at rsz-topa@interchange.ubc.ca.Okay. So there are two important things

coming up in the next little while that Ihope you get involved with.The first is Science Week, happening from

January 27th-31st. There is absolutely NOREASON for you to not come out to atleast one event during Science Week. Thereare academic events, social events, funevents, events to participate in, events tojust watch or you can even just walk alongthe SUB concourse and check out all of thegreat things that Scienc clubs have to offer.Wear blue. Show your spirit. Make sure tocheck out the posters that will be around

campus soon.The second thing - which you may have

heard about in the Ubyssey article thatcame out on January 14th - is the ScienceStudent Social Space that we are workingon. So here is the deal. First of all, it’s aboutfreakin’ time that we started looking intosome more social space for Science stu-dents. There is a proposal for 7600 squarefoot building to be built between HebbTheatre and the Chem/Physics building.This space would include office space,meeting space both large and small, andlots and lots of social space. There is asteering committee that is working on thedesign and plans for the building as well ason a referendum question for the referen-dum we will be running along with ourMarch executive elections. We are workingtogether with the AMS, the university andthe Faculty of Science on this project and itis shaping up to look excellent. I will usethe 432 to update you on what is happen-ing in the next few months - so stay tuned.This is a very exciting project for SUS andwe hope that you will want to get informedand involved throughout the next term!

Reka SztopaPresident

The term has started and I am bored.Yes, fellow science students, pleasegive me some excitement.

Anyways, as I’m sure you’ve noticed,AMS elections are now in full swing. Fret

not young ones, my seat is not contestedduring this election. The senate seat occu-pied by yours truely will not be contesteduntil this March with the “other” SUSexecutive positions. The January senate meeting agenda has

been appoved, but I haven’t recieved it yet.By the next 432 issue is published I willhave more news for you. Hopefully I’ll beless bored by then as well.

Chris ZappavignaSenate

Hey everyone, registration dead-lines are coming up:

WinterFest: Jan 21stRainFest: Jan 31stTable Tennis Championship: Feb 7th Survivor Team Challenge: Feb 7thKeep in mind you guys are entitled to a

rebate possibly up to 50% off if you guysregister under UNIT as a SCIENE team!

Hedy LamSports

Your friendly, neighbourhood PROhere… I hope you all enjoyed yourholidays, and are ready to tackle

another term. Here’s what’s been going on:

Charity EventsLast term’s Kiss the Pig charity drive was

a great success! Eight professors from thefaculty participated this year, and raisedover $600 for the Canadian Gene CureFoundation. Congratulations go to thisyear’s winner, Dr. Craig Berezowsky,whose classes raised over $200 and watchtheir prof share a kiss with Petunia the Pig.Thanks to all who participated this year.

Social SpaceThere was recently an article in the

Ubyssey regarding the current social spacecrunch in Science, and possible actions toremedy the situation. The dashing youngman in the photo is none other than me

<insert ego boost here>.

Grad InfoThe Grad Class Council met recently and

is starting preparations for the May Con-vocation. If you are like me and are luckyenough to be graduating this year, staytuned for more information on events suchas the Tree Planting Ceremony, Grad BzzrGarden, and more.

Canadian MemorialChiropractic College

Unfortunately, the CMCC seminar wascancelled on account of the speakers notbeing on the right flight into Vancouver.Apologies to those of you who came to theseminar - if you would like more informa-tion on the CMCC, please e-mail JonathanNghiem at jnghiem@cmcc.ca.

Other stuffI’ve only got one term left here at UBC!!! I

know that probably isn’t newsworthy, but Iget to sneak tidbits into my exec report,right Ben? (He can’t say much - he’s gradu-ating too…)

Sameer WahidPublic Relations

Science Week and theScience Student Social Space

rsztopa@interchange.ubc.ca

WATCH OUT! SCIENCE WEEK ISCOMING!!

-got time? got a pen? well start writing forsus leadership award!!-That’s right! Starting January 27th, Blue

colour will be dominating the whole UBCCampus, and make everyone fall in lovewith Science!Along with very exciting activies (yes yes

yes there’s jello wrestling!!), we have a lotof informative and interactive career fairsand workshops. Faculty of Science is host-ing career fair, Beyond First Year, andBeyond BsC. First Year Committe (fys-sus@hotmail.com) will be assisting theAdvising office to organize and promoteBeyond First Year event. If anyone elsewould like to participate in Beyond FirstYear or Beyond BsC, please email Annes(annes1202@hotmail.com) and I will beglad to help you out. Also FYC will behosting a Science BBQ on the last day ofScience Week (Jan. 31st--”THE DAY OFCOLD FUSION”). It will run from 10amtill 2pm, so please come out to the SUB forLUNCH!! It wouldn’t be hard to findwhere we would be~ since the aroma ofjuicy bbq patties will guide you to wherewe are.

With that in mind, Academic Committehas finalized the nomination forms forboth SUS Leadership Award, and SUSTeaching Excellence Award. The nomina-tion forms will be available on our website(www.ams.ubc.ca/sus) or in our sus lounge(LSK 202). For the leadership award, themain criterias are that the candidate needsto have a minumum academic average of60%, has to be a full undergraduate sciencestudent, and a non- sus council member.We will be also asking the candidate tosubmit his or her resume along with theapplication. For the teaching excellenceaward, you are welcome to nominate morethan one professor, and he or she doesn’thave to teaching this term. The deadlinefor the nomination form submission is onMarch 3rd, 2003 at 4:32pm in the SUSOffice.If you can’t find a drop box for the forms,

please feel free to place your form in AnnesSong’s mail box. If you have more ques-tions, email susawards@hotmail.com. Lastly, Science Olympic is on JAN 31st!If you would like meet new people, here’s

a great chance to do so!! You will be givenan opportunity to make a team and com-pete on various games. The forms will beavailable soon! So keep your eyes WIDEOPEN for the scheduled posters and talkto your Club, Department, or ProgramRepresentative for live updates on ScienceWeek!! That’s it from VP internal. Happybelated New Years everyone!

Annes SongVP Internal

Okay . . . here it is: my first execreport. Yay for me! I’m steadily get-ting a grasp of the SUS exec ways,

so please pardon the absence of any SoCoreports since my appointment. I knowyou’d love to hear all about this mysterygirl who from nowhere conveniently stum-bled into a SUS council meeting and wasappointed SoCo. And I’m sure you haveunanswered questions like what on earthpossessed this crazy girl to throw herselfinto a mess of SUS stuff. But I prefer tomaintain this mysterious identity and assuch will refrain from divulging too muchinfo about myself. Besides . . . this isn’t mypersonal column or livejournal or anythinglike that. So I guess that means . . . on toSUS business. First and foremost, I am very privileged to

have a hand in bringing to you the everpopular, the ever anticipated pinnacle ofScience Week otherwise known as COLDFUSION to be held Friday, January 31. Incase you’ve been living under a rock, ColdFusion has brought to UBC the likes ofNickelback, Bif Naked, Our Lady Peace . . .and . . . well . . . the list goes on. This yearwe’re proud to present WIDE MOUTHMASON. And of course, to get the partystarted, we’ll be getting some help fromSTABILO BOSS. Yahoo! This is an eventyou CANNOT miss. Oh . . . and of course,beverages and such will be made availableto quench your thirst. If I’m feeling extranice, I’ll see to it that special Jell-O is pro-vided just for this special event. Now . . .tickets you ask?? You can purchase them at

the Sales and Promotions Booth in the SUBconcourse throughout Science Week (Janu-ary 27-31). GETCHUR tickets ASAP. Don’ttell me I didn’t warn you. While you’rethere you may want to check out some ofthe very phat SUS gear that you can floss atCold Fusion. Okay . . . now that my most important

announcement is out of the way, I can bab-ble on about some the other wonderfulevents that will be put on throughout thisterm. I’m already giving you a heads up, somark it on your calendar NOW . . . noexcuses. I want to see YOU there. Okay sobzzr gardens are set for Friday, February28 and Friday, March 14. We’ve got somepretty exciting plans for these bzzr gardensso you can’t miss out. Ethanol - my firstbzzr garden - well, that was just the start . .. I promise you great things. Movie nightsare also in the works. Dates for these nightsare currently tentative, but they will, forsure, be happening very soon. Movies willbe showing in the comfort of your veryown SUS lounge in LSK 202. That meansyou can pop some popcorn in the 2 lovelymicrowaves, lounge on the big comfycouches, and basically just kick back andcatch a flick . . . all for free . . . how sweet isthat? Uh-huh!These are just a few of the events lined up.

The social committee has plenty of fun instore for you this term, so keep an eye out.If you’re interested in lending a helpinghand with these events or just plain bored,send me an email @ ai_vi@msn.com. Last but not least, I’m pleased to let you all

know that I will be sitting on the AMScouncil for the rest of this term. YAHOO!

. . . So there it is. My first report. What doyou think? An A+?? Thanks!

Anna-Marie BuenoSocial Coordinator

ai_vi@msn.com

annes1202@hotmail.com

cjzappav@interchange.ubc.ca

hedy_11@hotmail.com

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