ct 410 advanced interpersonal communication struggling in relationships
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CT 410 Advanced Interpersonal Communication Struggling in Relationships. gardening metaphor for relationship. Miller: assertive message. concrete behavior interpretation feelings consequences. Do interests converge or diverge?. Negotiations (Steve’s version). Competitive bargaining - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
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CT 410 Advanced Interpersonal Communication
Struggling in Relationships
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gardening metaphor for relationship
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Miller: assertive message
• concrete behavior
• interpretation
• feelings
• consequences
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Do interests converge or diverge?
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Negotiations (Steve’s version)
• Competitive bargaining
• Collaborative bargaining
• Interpersonal bargaining
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Goals
• to win
• mutual benefit
• greater good, transformation
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Bargaining Approach
• competitive
• outcomes interdependent
• cooperative, ecologically interdependent
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What Counts as Evidence?
• what we want/need
• objective criteria
• emotions, reason, empirical evidence, community values
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Communication Style
• formal, no trust, hostility
• collegial, substantial trust
• dialogic, significant trust & vulnerability, caring
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Assumptions about Communication
• communication as container of meaning
• communication as linkage• communication as performance,
voice, narrative
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Assumptions about Structure
• hierarchical, authority based
• hierarchical, input encouraged
• egalitarian, democratic
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Leadership Behaviors
• directive• participative
• flexible, servant leadership
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Standpoint or Location
• traditional self-interest• enlightened self-interest
• feminist, communitarian
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Perspective on Bargaining
• discrete event
• processual during bargaining process
• processual, continuously ongoing
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Question Pious Assumptions
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use a perspective by incongruity
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Become aware of your illusions
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known to self
not known to self
known to others
not known to others
open
hidden
blind
unknown
johari window
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Bochner: self disclosure is a highly overrated activity.
personal values - Magritte
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Bochner: long term relationships are maintained by illusions of truth, exaggerations of goodness, and less than full communication
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Kaminer: we live in a cult of victimage
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Are we entitled to be happy?
. . . life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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relationships need a spirit of improvisation.
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When might we not be direct, honest and straightforward?
• hurt feelings
• cause anger
• damage relationship
• lose face
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equivocation operates under conditions of uncertainty.
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Julia Wood #2
assertive yielding
constructive
destructive
exit neglect
loyaltyvoice
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Gender differences in conflict
• females talk to maintain relationships
• males become aggressive
• females enable conversation
• males get higher blood pressure
• females are trained to be sensitive
• males use exit and neglect strategies
• females use loyalty and voice strategies
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Harriet LernerWho is responsible for what????
Kilmann and Thomas Conflict Management Model
concernfor self
non-assertion
assertion
concernfor other
non-cooperation cooperationavoid accomodate
compete collaborate
compromise
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identify personal preferences for fight patterns, and discuss this in relationships.• avoid
• accommodate
• compete
• compromise
• collaborate
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• avoid - avoid
• avoid - accommodate
• avoid - compete
• avoid - compromise
• avoid - collaborate
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• accommodate - accommodate
• accommodate - compete
• accommodate - compromise
• accommodate - collaborate
• compete - compete
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• compete - compromise
• compete - collaborate
• compromise - compromise
• compromise - collaborate
• collaborate - collaborate
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We place responsibility for what happens in a relationship either in ourselves, the other person, or perhaps in the luck of the situation.
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ponder these:your parent calls and asks how you are doing in your classes. You don’t think you are doing as well as he/she would like you to do.
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your roommate asks what you think of the bright posters they’ve just put up around the room. You think they are a bit tacky.
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Your romantic partner asks how many other people you’ve really loved before you met her/him. You don’t want to be truthful.
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Your boss at work wants to know what your plans for the future are. You plan to leave as soon as you find a better job.
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Your mother asks you about what your brother/sister has been up to lately. They have been doing something she wouldn’t be happy to hear.
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Your romantic partner wants to know why you are spending so much time with your other friends. You have been bored with the relationship lately.
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Gottman - two marriages: his and hers• men have a harder time
recovering from being upset - blood pressure & heart rate rise higher and stay high longer.
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• physiologically men don’t need to relate to people as much as women . . .
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a relation ship . . . who tends to be in-charge?
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In order to keep a man engaged in a difficult discussion, a woman often raises the intensity to keep the man responsive.
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