Veronica Louise Mendoza #204585803

Professor Michael Suman, TA Yoomi Chin

Communication Studies 10

1 September 2015

What to Expect When You’re Expecting (A Gift)

“You can always tell what kind of person a man really thinks you are by the earrings he gives

you.” - Audrey Hepburn

The nature of gift-giving is a complicated yet simple analysis of human behavior. There

are people who panic at the thought of giving a gift for someone’s birthday, people who think

critically before gifting an item, and people who frankly do not care enough and show up to the

party with a gift card they purchased the day of. The many factors that go into gift-giving are, in

a way, common sense. For example, everyone knows that it is out of courtesy to give a gift when

invited to a big event, like a birthday party or a baby shower. But, people often struggle with

what and how much is appropriate, what to give, and how it will be emotionally received. The

role of the gifter is to compliment the receiver, but also give an item that they believe the re-

ceiver would like and/or need. On the gifter’s end, gifts are physical symbols that reveal how

much a person values another, reflect the public self of the giver, and promote human intimacy.

However, as receivers, gifts can perpetuate certain expectations based on the relationship and the

social and economic status of both parties.

We live in a world where money drives practically everything. People pride themselves

in comparing the monetary value of a material “thing.” As a child, we are told that this toy is “too

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expensive” and are encouraged to take advantage of sales, yet gawk at someone with a pure gold

Rolex. After all, capitalism enforces the idea that money is an easy calculator of success, at least

for most people. While we were in the womb, some of our mothers listened to Mozart to give her

baby a supposed “head start” in life. Once we are born, we follow stages of education with the ul-

timate goal of learning about the world and getting into a prestigious university. Follow this up

with the idea that after college, we should have a stable job as we enter the world of adulthood,

and so on until we save enough money to be comfortable, settle down, and raise a family. It is

only natural to associate money with success, and when it comes to purchasing gifts for others,

the monetary value of the gift makes a public statement to the world about your financial situa-

tion. When the youngest member of the Kardashian Klan, Kylie Jenner, received a six-figure

sports car for her birthday from her beau, it made headlines and even was a trending topic on

Facebook and Twitter. People care so much about celebrities and Hollywood because we idolize

the glitz and glamour that comes with being rich, which people believe celebrities are. People

obsess over the fact that an 18-year-old young adult received a $320,000 Ferrari because this is

Tyga’s profession of how much she is worth to him.

This is not the first time we have seen this. Many TV shows and movies depict the reality

of getting a car once you become of legal driving age. The reality show My Super Sweet 16 usu-

ally showcases lavish teen birthday parties featuring celebrity appearances and such. At the end

of the party, as if that were not enough, the parent brings out a new automobile and the teen

bursts out in tears of joy. The truth is, cars are expensive. Not everyone can afford a new car, let

alone high-end Mercedes or Range Rovers. The expression of love is symbolically demonstrated

through the price tag.

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But, receiving a monetarily cheap gift does not necessarily mean that the giver does not

value the receiver any less than a person who gifts costly items. People understand that not ev-

erybody can afford iPhones for their best friends for Christmas; we would all be broke by now if

we did that to every single friend we had. Opting for the cheaper “gag” gift that reminds you of

an inside joke is bound to be more memorable, anyway. In fact, another determinant to gauge

what another person thinks of you is by how much time and effort it took into making/purchasing

the gift. For example, I am a very emotional person, who enjoys penning my thoughts into

words. I write very personal letters to friends whom I haven’t seen in a while and special people I

love. My best friend knows how much I appreciate getting heartfelt letters, and so for my birth-

day, she wrote me a four-page letter that was completely unexpected. I was so touched by this

action because, knowing that writing was not her favorite subject, I realized that she went out of

her way to do this for me. I knew that it would have been much easier for her to pick out a ran-

dom clothing top at a store and put it in wrapper paper, but instead I received a letter. Yes, the

cost is virtually nothing compared to a new shirt, but my value of the gift is much more signifi-

cant to me than a material item. Other instances of this would be when someone writes you a

song or dedicates a book to you. Sometimes, it really is the thought that counts.

One can argue that the Ferrari that Tyga gave to Kylie was to express his profound love

for her. This may be a factor, but by gifting such an overpriced, highly-desired sports car, Tyga

used Kylie’s 18th birthday as a public platform to exude his wealth and bolster his girlfriend’s

wealth/celebrity status. The entire Kardashian-Jenner family has their life documented for the

public eye in the reality series, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. It is no coincidence that social

media outlets lit up once they heard Tyga publicly displaying his affection through gifting this

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car. Not only does this car say a lot about the kind of financial situation Tyga is in (enough to

splurge on $320,000 for his girlfriend’s birthday), but it also indicates what kind of relationship

him and Kylie have. With the knowledge that Kylie comes from a wealthy background, by not

gifting her an embarrassing or lousy gift, Tyga uses this gesture as an opportunity to give her an

extravagant, over-the-top gift. Thus, exceeding her and the general public’s expectations. It is

making a clear statement that, when celebrities make a big deal out of attending events and such,

they know that the media is watching. Tyga uses this to his advantage and to further flaunt his

luxurious lifestyle. However, if Tyga were to gift her something anything less than a car, Kylie,

her fans, and the community, could have taken this as offensive due to her high social status.

Naturally, there are other expectations that receivers have, but we will get more into this later.

There are also situations where giving too much or too little is inappropriate. If a re-

spected member of the community, say CEO of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg, receives a gift of a

$25 Starbucks gift card after presenting a motivational talk at a successful start-up, people would

be up in arms about how rude this gift may seem. It would appear as though Mark Zuckerberg’s

time was only worth $25, and would seem petty compared to his achievements. Yes, it is a free

gift, but it may seem more professional if the company were just to express their thanks with a

flattering introduction and a handshake. By putting an exact number on the gift, it gives off the

idea that there is a limit to their thanks. There is also the possibility that Zuckerberg may be of-

fended by this action. Note how I also said the company was a successful start-up. If the general

public knew the net worth amount the company makes, and if the gift does not add up to the

company’s reputation, it will be taken as a distasteful, unprofessional gesture, similar to how

people would not react well if Tyga had not given Kylie a pricey gift.

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There is also the question on what is appropriate nowadays. If we are living in a world

where you are scrutinized for not giving a ridiculous excessive gift, but also criticized for being

too frugal, where is the middle ground? As a gifter, you hold a responsibility to assess the rela-

tionship and know not to give your coworker a Tiffany ring for Christmas. People tend to save

these incredulously expensive gifts to people they deeply love. If that coworker were your

spouse, then it would make perfect sense to do so.

Gifts, one way or another, allow humans to build intimacy in a relationship. By giving a

gift, someone shows that they have put in effort into thinking about the other person enough to

put time into purchasing, wrapping, writing, carving, etc., said gift. Gift-giving is an action that

brings people closer together: the receiver now has a shared item which will serve as a reminder

of the giver.

This also has its negative effects. Say a boyfriend gives his girlfriend a painted portrait of

her for their anniversary. She loved it so much that she hung it above her bed. When they broke

up, the girlfriend burned the portrait out of anger and because she could not stand to be reminded

of her ex every time she went inside her bedroom. At the end of a romantic relationship, people

tend to throw out or give back the gifts their exes had gifted them. The mere sight of the gift is

too painful, and the act of disposing the gift allows peace of mind for the owner. Now that the

gift is gone, it is like the saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.

A social norm in today’s American society is sending a “thank-you” note after receiving a

gift. It is done out of etiquette and gratitude and is generally a short, handwritten, personalized

note saying how much the receiver enjoyed the specific gift. This acknowledgment of the gift

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can now serve as proof that there is exclusive information (the gift) shared between the two, sort

of like an inside joke.

Because human beings are social, interdependent creatures, we crave intimacy. Humans

thrive on connecting with others. In the four stages of intimacy, gift-giving would apply to the

shared activities stage. We use gifts as physical representations of our affection to one another.

They are acts of nonverbal communication, serving as artifacts, showing how each individual

wants to come across as and exhibit how we feel about the receiver. Some people think about

how gifts can be perceived consciously and subconsciously. With Tyga’s social status and

celebrity spotlight, we can deduce that he wants to come across as a loving, affluent boyfriend.

However, using the benefit of the doubt, we can assume the hypothetical company that gave

Mark Zuckerberg $25 most likely did not think of the repercussions and thought that they meant

well by giving a gift. This is proof that there can be miscommunication when it comes to giving

gifts, both on the giver and receiver’s end.

Similar to how gifts reveal certain traits about the giver, there are also specific expecta-

tions receivers are bound to. Like I said, gift-giving is a complex art. Not only does it reflect the

character of the giver, but it also complicates the entire process for the receiver. When we host

an event where we know we will be receiving gifts, like a wedding, there are traits we know

about each of our guests. Obviously, each person is close to us to have been invited to the wed-

ding, so we have already established a strong friendship and relationship with each guest. Part of

what we know already is their socio-economic status. If we had a relative who comes from a

struggling area, we expect the gift to be modest and perhaps something homemade. But if we in-

vited the Queen of England, for example, we would expect her to give nothing less than a fully-

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paid-for honeymoon, but nothing too excessive, like an uncharted, getaway island in the Carib-

bean.

With the Mark Zuckerberg example, we can assume that he was inherently disappointed

with the gift once he saw the cost and informality of the gift card. His expectations are much

higher than your average Joe because, in our community, he is a person of importance, wealth,

and high social status. Switch this around, too, and we get something similar to the Tyga-Kylie

Jenner situation. If Zuckerberg were to give a gift to a company and present a $25 gift card, there

would be hot press in judging this motion.

Changing lanes, we can trace this kind of communication and expectations back to the

biblical times. In Mark 12:42-44, an impoverished widow comes to the church and gives the only

money she has left — two copper coins. Jesus commends her for this and says, “Truly I tell you,

this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their

wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on,” (1). Here, Jesus

knows that the widow has nothing more to give, yet she gives all she has. He knows that based

on her socio-economic status, the two coins, though not a large amount of money, signify high

respect and worth.

The 21st century has made life much easier in following what a person would like for a

gift. With the media keeping track of everything that we like, dislike, find interesting, and search,

it makes researching for a gift idea easier yet more difficult. The infinite options the Internet pro-

vide allow for people to know that the person they just met during orientation enjoys the band

Green Day and dislikes cats. It can also cause an information overload with how much they can

know about a person based on their social media profile. Most of the time, though, it helps us un-

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derstand one another and assists us in predicting what kinds of gifts to expect. The media may

also be used as a forum where people can publicly display their gifts, thus reaffirming their status

as the giver or receiver.

Until we achieve another means of expressing how we feel about each other through

inanimate objects, gifts will remain as symbols that indicate another person’s value, reflect a pub-

licized self of the giver, and bring both parties together. In a more convoluted sense, receivers

base their expectations on the gift through the socio-economic status and the relationship of the

receiver and giver.

Resources:

1. Mark. Biblegateway.com. Biblica Inc, n.d. Web. 31 Aug. 2015.

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