CREATING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

Presented by Military & Family Life Counselors

OBJECTIVES

• Discuss the myths of marriage

• Examine the stages of marriage

• Understand the behaviors that lead to and intensify

marital conflict

• Learn the keys to creating and maintaining a healthy

marriage

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MARRIAGE MYTHS

What are some common myths about marriage?

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MARRIAGE MYTHS

A Great Relationship:

• Depends on a great meeting of the minds

• Requires a great romance

• Requires great problem solving

• Requires common interests

• Is always a peaceful one

• Lets you vent all of your feelings

• Has nothing to do with sex

• Cannot survive a flawed partner

• Requires you to do things the “right way”

• Requires you to straighten your partner out

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STAGES OF MARRIAGE

• Romantic Love

• Disillusionment/the Power Struggle

• Cooperation

• Acceptance

• Transformation

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Reference: Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks

BEHAVIORS THAT INTENSIFY CONFLICT

• What are some of the behaviors we engage in

that cause or intensify conflict in our marriages?

• What are some of the behaviors we engage in

that can help reduce conflict?

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BEHAVIORS THAT INTENSIFY CONFLICT

• Criticism

• Contempt

• Defensiveness

• Stonewalling

• Flooding

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Reference: Gottman & Silver, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

DEALING WITH DIFFERENCES & CONFLICT

• Set boundaries

• Clearly communicate your needs

• Learn the art of negotiation

• Identify and own your feelings

• Check out your assumptions

• Consider your spouse’s point of view

• Create win-win solutions

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PRINCIPLES FOR CREATING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

• Have a solid friendship

• Know your spouse

• Strive for emotional intimacy

• Make time to be together

• Let your partner influence you

• Solve the solvable issues

• Create shared meaning

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TOOLS FOR MAINTAINING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

• Active listening

• Nonverbal communication

• Own your messages

• Keep anger contained

• Remember to have fun

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LOVE…

… is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

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- H.L. Mencken

QUESTIONS?

RESOURCES

• Military Community Services

• Chaplain and Local Clergy

• Military OneSource (800) 342-9647

• TRICARE www.Tricare.mil

• Behavioral Health Services

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REFERENCES

Internet • www.familydigest.com

• www.relationshipjourney.com

Books • Barnett, Doyle. 20 Communication Tips for Couples: A 30-Minute

Guide to a Better Relationship. New World Library.

• Gottman, John M & Silver, Nan. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.

• Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want. Owl Books.

• Stone, Douglas, Patton, Bruce, Heen, Sheila, & Fisher, Roger. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin, USA.

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THANK YOU