continuing to care

GOOD SHEPHERD HOSPICE | 1

CONTINUING TO CARE

From The Bereavement Department

The Seasons of Grief

Grief can be an overwhelming experience. Much like the change of seasons, grief is cyclical. Seasons in nature represent change, when light and dark and heat and cold struggle to find equilibrium. With good days and bad, grief is not a linear journey but, like Autumn, can be a time to reestablish balance. For those who are acutely grieving, finding a balance may at times feel impossible. However the creation of a new normal will occur in time.

The subtle changes that signal the approach of a new season observed by others may be overshadowed by your grief right now. The smells and colors of the season, the new beginnings of the school year, shorter days, cooler nights and the holidays being right around the corner can trigger a “grief burst.” You may experience many different feelings including increased feelings of isolation, sadness, fear, loneliness, anger, guilt and shock, just to name a few.

Just as Autumn is a transitional time, so is that after the death of a loved one. Be patient with yourself during this fall season.

Seasons change, but love never dies.

IN THIS ISSUEFrom the Bereavement Dept ................... 1Secondary Loss .......................................... 2Bereavement Services .............................. 2Child Life Corner .........................................3Walk On For Hope ..................................... 4Spotlight On ................................................ 5Nominate Your Favorite Caregiver ........ 5Bereavement Staff Takes Action ........... 6Living the Mission ..................................... 6Honoring My Loved One ......................... 7Inspiration From Pastoral Care ............... 7Announcements ........................................ 8

Board of TrusteesHon. Angie Carpenter

Chairperson

Bernadette Curry, PhD, RN Vice Chairperson

Robert Doyle, Esq., Treasurer

S. Dolores Wisniewski, CIJ, Secretary

Donato Balsamo, DO Douglas CelibertiJennifer HoffmanBrian Kerley, Esq

Msgr. Thomas MulvanertyDiane Sweeney

Peter Wright

Foundation BoardMary Lou Boyle

Philip FavaRalph Ferrara

AdministratorsJoseph Tomaino

Chief Executive Officer

MaryEllen Polit Chief Administrative Officer

Dr. Kerrianne Page Chief Medical Officer

Geraldine Manginello Chief Clinical Officer

Karen EstradaChief Financial Officer

September 2013 • Issue 4

2 | CONTINUING TO CARE

Secondary Losses - One Loss Isn’t Enough??

In the weeks and months that follow a death there can be a sense that we are losing even more than our loved one. The world is turned upside down and suddenly it can feel like everything is changing or disappearing. This snowball effect stems from the fact that a death does not just create a single hole in one’s heart. Instead, the loss can impact many areas of one’s life, creating a ripple effect of losses from that “primary loss.” Though it is easy to think that your grief is solely the grief of losing the person you loved, your grief is also the pain of the other losses that were the result of the death. These losses are referred to as “secondary losses.” This is not to say that their impact is secondary, but rather that they are a secondary result of the primary loss, the death of your loved one. Secondary loss is a normal part of grieving and may not be experienced for weeks or months after a death.

Secondary losses can include, but are not limited to:• Loss of Role – Who am I now? • Loss of Self Confidence• Loss of Financial Contribution or Financial Security• Loss of Life Style • Loss of Feeling Safe• Loss of Known Family Structures• Loss of Intimacy – Physical and/or emotionally• Loss of Hope for the Future• Loss of Faith/Belief System

Secondary losses are often overlooked and therefore, never grieved. As you grieve the death of your loved one, it is important to identify what secondary losses are related to this death and how it is impacting you. Remember that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Be compassionate and patient with yourself as you grieve all your losses.

Bereavement Services of Good Shepherd Hospice

Our Mission at Good Shepherd Hospice is to provide comprehensive and accessible bereavement support and education to families in both Nassau and Suffolk counties. The caring and support of Good Shepherd Hospice continues after the death of a loved one. As part of our commitment to provide exceptional ongoing Hospice services, extensive bereavement support and education will be provided for a period of 13 months after the death of your loved one. Bereavement services are available at no charge and opened to anyone in the community, as it is not a requirement that your loved one have been on our Hospice Program.

Hospice families and caregivers will receive the following services as part of our ongoing care:• Bereavement mailings of support and education for 13 months• Event mailings – you will be notified of upcoming Bereavement events and special programming• Individual and Family Bereavement Counseling Services• Bereavement Support Groups• Bereavement Volunteers• Annual Memorial Services• Lights of Love – Holiday Memorial Program• Grief Holiday Workshop Series• Referrals to community resources that you might benefit from


Child Life Corner: “Remember the Helpers”

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.~Theodore Roosevelt

As the school year gears up into full swing, most parents and caregivers who are experiencing grief and loss in their family may wonder why their children struggle with going back to school, especially during the first month or first few months.

This struggle is normal. Children are adjusting to new routines and getting to know new teachers at the same time that they are learning how to incorporate the death of a loved one in their lives. Common themes for children and teens during the school year after the death of a loved one are difficulty focusing on their school work, changes in grades and overall performance, social withdrawal or lack of interest in activities including sports, and possible acting out.

It is important to share with your child’s teacher that there has been a death in the family. It can also be helpful to let the school social worker or guidance counselor know about the death of a loved one. This information can help the staff and teachers to be sensitive to the possible reasons for the changes in behavior or performance.

Grieving children often have difficulty focusing in school after the death of a loved one. This is usually temporary. However if this persists you might think about requesting additional support and counseling.

One wise 6 year old child shared with us that he had trouble concentrating in school because his loved one would pick him up at the end of the day. This was not only a major change in his routine but he had to find a way to deal with his feelings about grief and loss. Supportive teachers helped by supporting this child and being sensitive to his need for a new way to deal with the end of the day change in routine.

If you notice that your children are struggling with completing their work or a drop in their grades it might be helpful to change or create a new homework routine. You can make homework and studying more interactive and fun by making a game out of it. Make sure to connect with the teacher or counselor because can provide other helpful suggestions and ideas for making school work and homework a success during this challenging time.

Consider these thoughts for the back to school season:

1. Kids do best when they know what to expect.

2. Recognize the challenges.

3. Practice open, healthy communications.

4. Engage a wide system of support.

5. Model patience and flexibility, for your child and yourself.


walk on for NOV 3, 2013PORT JEFFERSON, NEW YORK

A community walk/run to benefit Good Shepherd Hospice

REGISTRATION

WALK ON FOR HOPE is a community walk supported by many area schools and students that will benefit the Child Life program at Good Shepherd Hospice. Our Child Life program is unique because we provide this valuable service, usually hospital-based, through the collaboration of our inpatient center, patient homecare team, and the many hard working men and women of CHSLI.

DATE Sunday, November 3, 2013

TIME Sign in begins at 8 am Walk/Run to start at 9 am

LOCATION Parking Lot Across from St. Charles (Old Crayon Building) 200 Belle Terre Road, Port Jefferson

ROUTE 4.5 MILE WALK/RUN through Belle Terre and Port Jefferson

PRE-REGISTRATION: $20

REGISTRATION THAT DAY: $25

T-shirts for all participantsMake a team, get your friends to sponsor you, bring your family!

Can’t make it that day? We would still appreciate your support! Make a donation!

Use the QR code on the right or register online at http://www.islandrunning.net/search/event.aspx?id=22909 For more information, please call Community Relations at 631-465-6350

SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIESSponsorship DEADLINE October 21, 2013

(NO EXCEPTIONS can be made due to production restrictions)

c Running Sponsor - $10,000· Premium location of company name &

logo imprinted on the sleeve of the “Walk” T-shirts

· Premiere listing on all signage with company name and logo

· Registration for 10 walkers/runners

c Sprinting Sponsor - $5,000· Company name & logo imprinted on the

back of the “Walk” T-shirts· Listing on all signage with company

name and logo· Registration for 6 walkers/runners

c Speed Walking Sponsor - $2,500· Company name imprinted on the back

of the “Walk” T-shirts· Company name listed on all signage· Registration for 4 walkers/runners

c Power Walking Sponsor- $1,000· Company name listed on all signage and

on the back of the “Walk” T-shirts· Registration for 2 walkers/runners

c Healthy Breakfast Sponsor - $500· Company name imprinted on the back

of the “Walk” T-shirts


Spotlight On Hospice Volunteer | Ruth Dubas

A Hospice volunteer’s presence, capacity to listen and companionship can be a remarkable source of support to both hospice patients and their families. Ruth Dubas was introduced to the world of hospice not only as a Licensed Practical Nurse working with critically ill patients but when her husband became a patient of Good Shepherd Hospice after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Ruth has been a hospice volunteer for the past one and a half years.

When asked why she volunteered for hospice Ruth explained that when her husband was a patient of Good Shepherd Hospice she witnessed the compassionate, caring spirit of the hospice team. Ruth stated “my ministry has always been to care for the very ill and this is a perfect opportunity to give back what hospice gave to me.” Ruth notes that she has

found being fully present to someone who needs support in a very difficult situation is an opportunity to make a difference in the lives of individuals and families.

Ruth has been particularly active with our Bereavement Department. She has had the opportunity to co-facilitate bereavement support groups, provide bereavement follow up calls to our families, make home visits as well as participate in bereavement workshops offered by Good Shepherd.

CHS Caregivers Fund

CHS has a Caregivers Fund that supports worthwhile organizations that deliver health care to those in need. Each year, a CHS committee of past Scollard winners reviews grant applicants and distributes funds. This year, they would like to have an even greater pool to assist. Please use the copy below in emails, posters, newsletters, fliers and other ways you see fit to encourage more organizations to apply.

Nominate Your Favorite Caregivers!

Do you know a worthy organization providing health care to those most in need? Can the group use a little help from fellow caregivers? Catholic Health Services (CHS) operates the CHS Caregivers Fund for that purpose!

Established in 2007, CHS employees initiated this fund to further alleviate the distress of the suffering, near and far. With all administrative expenses donated by CHS, 100% of donations goes to recipients. In addition, CHS matches employee contributions dollar for dollar to maximize the impact.

Recent recipients have included St. Mary, Star of the Sea, a hospital in Cite Soleil, Haiti, through the St. Luke Foundation for Haiti, with the assistance of the Congregation of the Infant Jesus. The Dominican Sisters of Amityville also were recipients, enabling them to purchase two additional patient lifts for the care of the elderly sisters in the congregation’s motherhouse.

Nominate your charitable caregivers of choice by visiting http://caregiversfund.chsli.org, where you can download the grant application form and learn more about the CHS Caregivers Fund.


Alzheimer’s Disease and Grief-Bereavement Staff Takes Action!

More than 5 million Americans have Alzheimer’s disease. It is the 6th leading cause of death in the US. Each year nearly 15.4 million caregivers begin the grieving process from the day they find out that their loved one is diagnosed.

Grief is a reaction to loss, any loss. Grieving the loss of someone with Alzheimer’s begins even before a loved one dies. Often times, we think of death as the beginning of our grief. When someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s our grief begins from the day they are diagnoses and ebbs and flows as the disease progresses. It is painful when the person we love and care for no longer recognizes us, has personality changes, and can’t engage in meaningful conversations anymore.

The ongoing loss experienced as we lose the essence of what who our loved one is little by little can undoubtedly be overwhelming. Feelings of fear, anxiety, guilt, sadness, anger and loneliness are common not only upon diagnosis, but also after a loved one dies. It is also not uncommon to experience relief after a loved one dies from Alzheimer’s.

Both personally and professionally, the fight against Alzheimer’s is near and dear to our staff’s hearts. Recently Maribeth McKeever, LCSW and Michelle Graff, LMSW, both Bereavement staff members who are personally impacted by this disease, raised over $6,000 for the Annual Walk To End Alzheimer’s held in North Babylon. Their team, The Forget Me Nots, included staff from all departments of Good Shepherd Hospice, family and friends.

Good Shepherd Hospice Honors Two Employees for Living the Mission

Two Good Shepherd Hospice employees, Valrie Brown-Prince, Home Health Aide and Dr. Linda Carmosino, were recently presented with the Catholic Health Services (CHS) Living the Mission Award for exemplifying the CHS mission values of respect, justice, integrity and excellence. Ms. Brown-Prince, a Bay Shore resident, and Dr. Carmosino, a resident of Merrick, were nominated by their colleagues for their outstanding qualities and were chosen from among many nominees.

Ms. Brown-Prince was nominated by a co-worker because of comments from a family in our community. “Valrie gave superlative physical care but she also gave of herself. At the time she spent in the patient’s home, she would sit with the patient, hold her hand, speak with her, giving 1:1 presence and honoring the individual.”

“Dr. Carmosino is …. eager to teach us all, and respecting our roles in each category. I have learned medical information, that can only be accomplished with an ongoing dialogue with all disciplines…. She is such a wealth of information and I learn something every time I speak with her. She always has time for my questions and is very supportive…I believe Dr. Carmosino is “Living the Mission” in many ways.”

Ms. Brown-prince has been with Good Shepherd Hospice for 5 months while Dr. Carmosino joined the Good Shepherd Hospice team in 2008.


Honoring My Loved One

It is said that honoring a deceased person elevates that person’s soul. It also helps us feel connected, especially if the manner in which we are honoring the person was important to him/her during their life. These can also become healing rituals for the survivors.

Here are some ways of honoring a loved one:• Volunteer your time• Say a prayer on the anniversary of death• Work in nature. Plant a tree or flowers• Light a candle• Create a sacred space commemorating your loved one’s memory• Share stories about your loved one, keeping memories alive• Keep a journal• Burn a CD of his or her favorite music• Celebrate your loved one’s birthday

Inspiration From Pastoral Care

Remember Me

Remember Me:To the living, I am gone.

To the sorrowful, I will never return.To the angry, I was cheated,

But to the happy, I am at peace,And to the faithful, I have never left.I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.

So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea - remember me.As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty - remember me.

As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity - remember me.Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, your memories of the times we loved,

the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.

Margaret Mead, American writer and poet (1901 - 1978)

INTERFAITH MEMORIAL SERVICES

The Staff of Good Shepherd Hospice Cordially Invites You, Your Family and Friends to Attend an Interfaith Me-morial Service In Honor of Your Loved One.

You are welcome to attend any of the following:

Infant Jesus Charles, St. Charles Hospital ......Port Jefferson Wednesday October 16, 2013 ....................... 7:00 - 8:30 pm

Chapel at Mercy Medical Center ...............Rockville CentreThursday, October 24, 2013 .......................... 7:00 - 8:30 pm

Vincent DePaul Chapel, Good Samaritan Hospital ...West Islip Monday, October 28, 2013 ........................... 7:00 - 8:30 pm

Formal invitation to follow If you have any questions please contact the

Bereavement Department at 631-465-6262/516-465-6262

THIRTEENTH ANNUAL LIGHT OF LOVE CHRISTMAS TREE & MENORAH LIGHTING

Astoria Federal Savings 180 West Main St., Babylon Village 11702 Tuesday, December 3, 2013 .......................................6:00 pm

Astoria Federal Savings 1047 No. Country Road (Route 25A), Stony Brook 11790Wednesday, December 4, 2013 .................................6:00 pm

Astoria Federal Savings 3887 Merrick Road, Seaford 11783Thursday, December 5, 2013 .....................................6:00 pm

COMPASSIONATE SHEPHERDVOLUTEERS NEEDED

Join us for an informational session at theGood Shepherd Hospice Inpatient Center

200 Belle Terre Road, Port Jefferson, NY

Call (631) 828-7611 for more information

110 Bi-County Blvd., Suite 114 • Farmingdale, NY 11735

NON-PROFIT ORG.US POSTAGE

PAIDPort Jefferson, NY 11777

Permit #32

continuing to care

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