conflict management kainaiwa. feb 2015 1

F E B R U A R Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 51 0 : 3 0 A M - 1 2 : 0 0 P M

2 0 1 5 K A I N A I W A C H I L D R E N ’ S S E R V I C E S C O R P O R A T I O N C O N F E R E N C E

C H R I S H Y L T O N

Conflict Resolution

Disclaimer2

Information presented to you today is considered to be general best practices and is not intended to provide

legal counsel or legal advice.

Learning Objectives

Perceptions, root causes

Conflict is normal

What we can learn from nature

Win win conflict resolution techniques

Communication techniques

Conflict examples

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This is your show4

What type of conflicts are you experiencing?

With Conflict What Do we See5

With Conflict What Do we See6

Perception7

Perception8

Perception Issues9

Perception:Would you say polar bears are white or black?

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What colour is a polar bear’s skin?11

Any ideas?

Polar bears have black skin under which there is a layer of fat that can measure 4.5 inches (11.5 centimeters) thick. On land (or on top of the sea ice) the polar bear's thick fur coat—not its fat—prevents nearly any heat loss.

How do dog’s sort out the world, avoid conflict?

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Any ideas?

How much more sensitive is a dog’s nose than ours

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A dog's sense of smell is said to be a thousand times more sensitivethan that of humans. In fact, a dog has more than 220 million olfactory receptors in its nose, while humans have only 5 million.

They use it to avoid conflict find out what is happening, they can smell one week’s history with their great nose

How do you go about finding out the real story?

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What can we learn from horses about conflict management

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Any horse people here?

How do you walk with a horse, tight rein or loose rein?

Respect with animals16

What do we, humans, want need17

Anyone want to share what Maslow told us?

What does Maslow have to do with Conflict?19

Has anyone heard of resiliency?

You may be here20

Your clients may be here21

How can I change workplace culture?22

Some clues from a great book

The Gallup organization has polled thousands or employees in hundreds of organizations over 40 years to find out what employees want in the workplace

Gallup Organization 12 Good Questions23

12 Good Questions24

Easy to reduce conflict in your workplace25

Revise your job descriptions – employee focused

Revise policies – employee and client focused

Conduct employee satisfaction surveys

Conduct client satisfaction surveys

Become an Employer of Choice

Engage Employees

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/employee-engagement-42966417

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/employee-engagement-42966417

Mental health issues in the workplace?26

Is it the role of a Manager to solve his or her employee’s mental health issues?

Any ideas?

Best to leave this to the professionals, on reserve or perhaps you have an EAP for off-reserve more confidential counselling.

We are pleased to have been providing EAP services to Siksika Child and Family Services for many years

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/eap-15034221

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/eap-15034221

How can we see below the water line?27

How can we Listen Better?28

What word can we make with letters in

L.I.S.T.E.N.?

S I L E N T

Active Listening... Some Helpful Hints29

focus totally on the speaker.

Repeat tentatively, in your words, your understanding of speaker's meaning.

Feed back feelings, as well as content.

Probe, if appropriate e.g. ''How do you feel about that?" or "How did that affect you?"

Active Listening30

Challenge powerlessness / hopelessness subtly (e.g. instead of "It is hopeless'' try "It seems hopeless to you right now.” Try ''You can't find anything that could fix it?” instead of “There’s nothing I can do”).

Allow silences in conversation.

Notice body shifts and respond to them by waiting. Then, e.g. ''How does it all seem to you now?"

Things to Avoid – Active Listening31

Avoid talking about yourself

Reject introducing your own reactions or well intentioned comments

Try not to ignore feelings in the situation

Avoid advising, diagnosing, baiting, reassuring, encouraging or criticising

Avoid32

Avoid parroting the speaker's words or only saying "mm" or ''ah, hah''

Don't pretend that you understand if you haven't

Avoid letting the speaker drift to less significant topics

Avoid33

Avoid fixing, changing, or improving what the speaker has said

Don't change topics

Resist filling in every space with your talk

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If we react defensively by attacking or withdrawing, conflict often increases. If, instead, we respond appropriately, we can help to bring the emotions to a level at which the issue can be dealt with

Try the following:

Receive Listen and say nothing for the moment. Don’t try to tone them down, defend, explain yourself yet.

Give the other person room to discharge their pent-up emotions

Respect the other person's communication of feelings.

Dealing with Inflammation

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Notice Observe your own reaction.

Centre Tune into yourself, breathe deeply.

Listen again Ask yourself what you are picking up from the communication. Separate feelings from content. Strain out what is valid and if you can, let some irate remarks pass you by without reacting.

Reflect back Reflect both feelings and content.

''Let me check with you if...''

''Is that what you are saying...?''

Dealing with Difficult Emotions in Others

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Clarify and Explore What are the other person's needs and concerns? Explore what is behind the words being used. Ask questions to shift the focus from anger to exploring the issues. Focus on connecting to the other person and turning this into a safe and constructive conversation.

Repeat the cycle. Ensure that both feelings and facts are mutually understood.

Move Clarify and acknowledge needs and concerns. Consider the next step e.g. acknowledge your contribution to their problem, develop options, make an "I" statement, take time out.

Dealing with Difficult Emotions in Others

Conflict Resolution Technique

U S I N G T H E W I N / W I N A P P R O A C H

The Win/Win Approach

The Handshake Exercise choose a partner roughly the same size as

themselves. Both partners will lock hands in the form of a

handshake. You score a point every time you get the other

persons hand to your hip. The aim of this exercise is to win as many points as

you can. You have 1 minute for this exercise.


The Handshake Exercise

Who scored more than 30?

Who scored less than 20?

Who scored less than 10?

How did you interpret “you” in the instructions? As an individual, a pair or a group?


The Handshake Exercise

Did the idea of “winning” imply “losing” as well?

Who discussed it with their partner? If you discussed it, what was discussed? Did anybody change strategy during the exercise and if so, why?


When we are in conflict with someone else, do we frequently approach it thinking that one person will win and one will lose?

Examples of this might be…”I told him”; “I put her in her place”; “I showed him who was boss”; “I didn’t let her get the better of me”; “I got my way”; “I always lose out in these sorts of problems”.


A Win/Win approach is a co-operative effort that will maximize the benefits for everyone.

A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all involved.

Win Win43


Now we will discuss the concept of Fight and Flight Behaviours when dealing with conflict.


Some examples of Fight behaviours include:

Screaming

Physical Violence

Refusing to listen

Manipulation


Some of the main messages and intentions behind Fight behaviours are:

I’m right / you’re wrong

To blame or punish

To threaten

I’m OK / you’re not


Fight = I Win / You Lose

This is considered an Aggressive behaviour


Some examples of Flight behaviours include:

Sulking

Crying

Avoiding

Pretending it hasn’t happened

Giving in


Some of the main messages and intentions behind Flight behaviours are:

I’m right / you’re wrong

To avoid conflict

To let the other person win

I’m not OK / you are


Flight = I lose / you win

This is considered a Passive behaviour.


It is obvious that neither Fight or Flight are optimum tools for handling conflict as someone always loses.


Now we introduce a slightly different set of behaviours that fall in between Fight and Flight.

Lets call them Flow behaviours.


Some examples of Flow behaviours can include:

Discussing the issue

Listening to others

Taking time out

Explaining one’s own perspective and needs.

Compromising


Some of the main messages and intentions behind Flow behaviours are:

There must be a way to solve this

To sort out the problem

To respect others

To make sure everyone is satisfied with the solution

I’m OK / you’re OK


Flow = I Win / You Win

This is considered an Assertive behaviour


During Flow behaviour, the intention is to solve the problem while at the same time respecting everyone in the conflict.


Here is a little story:

There are two social workers in coffee room and only one orange.

Both of them want the orange.

What could they do?


They decide to compromise, and cut the orange in half. One went to the juicer and started to

squeeze himself a drink, which turned out too small to satisfy.

The other began to grate the rind on her half of the orange to flavour a cake for the upcoming staff party. She then threw out the rest of the orange.


Both had only half of the orange, in effect, they could have had the whole orange.

Had they talked out the problem, listened to each other and found out what each one wanted and/or needed, the solution would have been more practical for each.


Compromise

Compromise is sometimes considered the same as a Win/Win approach.

Some of the reasons that we so often use it are:

Any ideas?


Compromise

It may seem to be the simplest, easiest and fairest thing to do.

It means that when we can’t make a bigger pie, at least everyone is sharing what is available.

It results in both parties having some of their needs met.


Compromise

It does have some disadvantages, such as:

It often requires one party to give more, and then they will be less committed to the solution.

It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.

It has been described as an acceptable form of Lose/Lose.


Compromise

BUT compromise has disadvantages

If we settle too quickly for compromise, we can sell ourselves short.

It may even be that we decide on a poorer quality solution than we would have if we had adopted a Win/Win approach.


In conclusion

Different types of behaviour are appropriate in different situations

If one does not work try another

The more flexible we can become, the more choices we have about how we relate to others and the more opportunities we have to resolve conflict

New tools to help you see below the water65

Family Group Conferencing Sharon Steinhauer Blue Quills

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Circles / Restorative Justice / Flow Model67

In old world the village would have a circle to figure out what to do. We have created a western world imposed structure, old way not given respect, now coming back, not just about a placement or child behaviours, it is about how do we restore families to health.

Children and parents have equal voice and understand how decisions happened as they were there.

Used in New Zealand, so successful no need for foster homes

Manager – Employee Conflict68

Do we have any managers in the room?

Can you describe any conflict among the staff that you have to deal with?

Are there any employees in the room?

Can you describe any conflict with your Manager that you have to deal with?

Conflict with Chief and Council ?69

What type?

Chief and Council70

Sometimes some elected officials are accused of meddling in your business?

They want to help community members by intervening

But according to policy, they have no more rights than any other community member

What impact does this intervening have on you?

What is the solution?

Chief and Council 71

They have a need to be popular

They need to be re-elected

Who do they rely on for advice?

How can you make their job easier?

You are the eyes and ears of the community

Your advice as to your professional area is invaluable and worthy of respect

You can make the elected officials jobs easier.

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/community-engagement-hyltonyv-rb

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/community-engagement-hyltonyv-rb

Preparing for difficult group meetings72

You are in charge of hosting a meeting with a number of strong community members who you know will be seeking to grandstand, monopolize the discussion and derail the meeting

What do you do?

How do you prepare the weeks or week before the meeting? Any ideas?

Conflict with Youth74

What is the fastest rising demographic group?

How many of your population are under 35?

How many of this group is at risk?

What do they want?

What are their issues?

Youth conflict75

Need to belong

Search for meaning

Search for family

Solutions

Sports

Culture camps, Samson Model

Language, Self Esteem, a new better gang for them

Secret weapon: Elders

Horse Culture Programs77

Kainaiwa programs

Piikani - Sunday evenings at Pincher Creek Community Arena

Tsuu T’ina - Dodging Horse Arena

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/afcc-horse-culture-program

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/suicide-prevention-thru-horse-culture-program (Pikanni)

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/afcc-horse-culture-program

http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/suicide-prevention-thru-horse-culture-program

Conversations with different cultures78

Cultural background

Common ground bridge to areas of conflict

Respect

Mutual gains

Celebrate diversity

Partnership opportunities

Celebrate success, removal of land mines Kosovo Prime Minister of Canada

Conversations with Government Agencies79

Negotiating from strength

Stick to your plan, track results

Find ways around contentious issues, if you can work better with new ways of organizing your services, Agencies will support you,

You win, gov’t wins, clients win.

Seeking Funding from Foundations80

Failure is first step to success

Foundations have as much difficulty giving away money, as do organizations like yours applying successfully for it

Credit

We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials we have adapted in the creation of this presentation.

Conflict Resolution Network

PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: [email protected]: www.crnhq.org

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.crnhq.org/

Great books82

About Us

Our services

Employee benefit plans

Team building

HR and Salary grids

Policy review

Employee wellness

EAP and Employee mental health

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Thank you!

#517-7620 Elbow Drive SW

Calgary, AB T2V 1K2

403-264-5288 www.hylton.ca

800-449-5866 [email protected]

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conflict management kainaiwa. feb 2015 1

Leadership & Management

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