communication secrets of powerful people workbook by...
TRANSCRIPT
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
Copyright © 2013 Joshua Uebergang. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or distributed in any form whatsoever, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the author.
DISCLAIMER AND/OR LEGAL NOTICES
This report is for informational purposes only and the author, his agents, heirs, and assignees do not accept any responsibilities for any liabilities, actual or alleged, resulting from the use of this information. The report is not “professional advice.” The author encourages the reader to seek advice from a professional where any reasonably prudent person would do so.
While every reasonable attempt has been made to verify the information provided here, the author and his affiliates cannot assume any responsibility for errors, inaccuracies or omissions, including omissions in transmission or reproduction. Any references to people, events, organizations, or business entities are for educational and illustrative purposes only, and no intent to falsely characterize, recommend, disparage, or injure is intended or should be so construed.
Any results stated or implied are consistent with general results, but this means results can and will vary. The author, his agents, or assigns make no promises or guarantees, stated or implied. Individual results will vary and this work is supplied strictly on an “at your own risk” basis.
NOTE
I frequently and actively browse the Internet for people who violate my work. People who illegally publish my works without authorization can expect to be caught and contacted by my attorney. If you illegally received this book, do yourself a favor by firstly destroying the illegal copy. Secondly, go get a legal copy at http://www.realcommunicationsecrets.com because having illegal material attracts scarcity and a painful attitude into your life. Having an illegal copy of this book destroys its purpose of tapping into the innate, unlimited supply of power within the world and yourself. The world is an abundant place and it will give you what you want if you give unto it.
Table of Contents
Part I: Using This Workbook................................................................................................................1The Three Parts of This Workbook..................................................................................................1From Learning to Being...................................................................................................................1Defining What You Want and Being Self-Motivated......................................................................2Will You Commit?...........................................................................................................................2Your Commitment Plan...................................................................................................................3
Part II: Exercises...................................................................................................................................4Exercises for Chapter 1: Criticizing – A Spec in Their Eye is a Log in Yours................................5Exercises for Chapter 2: Labeling – Canning People......................................................................5Exercises for Chapter 3: Diagnosing – Amateur Psychology..........................................................6Exercises for Chapter 4: Praising – When the Good Turns Bad......................................................7Exercises for Chapter 5: Ordering – Order is Disorder...................................................................8Exercises for Chapter 6: Threatening – Terrorizing Communication..............................................9Exercises for Chapter 7: Questioning – A Questionable Destruction............................................10Exercises for Chapter 8: Moralizing – Mixing Black and White Gives Nothing..........................12Exercises for Chapter 9: Advising – When Giving Outweighs Receiving....................................13Exercises for Chapter 10: Reasoning – Emotional Ignorance.......................................................14Exercises for Chapter 11: Reassuring – Problematic Ignorance....................................................15Exercises for Chapter 12: Deflecting – Shifting the Spotlight......................................................16
Part III: Your 30 Day Journey.............................................................................................................18The End – But Not of Your Journey...................................................................................................49
Part I: Using This Workbook
This workbook is designed to complement the book I have written titled: Communication Secrets of Powerful People: How to Smash the 12 Communication Barriers of Relationships to Be a Charismatically Persuasive People Magnet. The workbook is intended for any individual that has read the book and wants to get the most out of the communication barriers. You can get away without completing the workbook, but doing it will speed up the learning process and transform you from learning to being the information you have learned.
The Three Parts of This Workbook
The workbook is divided up into three parts. The first part discusses a general approach to the workbook and some psychological principles to get the most out it. The second part discusses several techniques to help you get the most out of the exercises, totaling 41, which I have designed to get you practicing the skills taught in the book. The third part is a journal for 30 days where you will write down your use of the 12 communication barriers on yourself and other people.
When you combine the three parts together, you will go from an intellectual understanding of the communication secrets of powerful people to a deeper understanding throughout your body. You will see common nonverbal signals, you will feel certain emotions, you will give and receive predictable reactions. By learning how to get the most out of the workbook, doing the exercises, and monitoring your use of the barriers for 30 days on yourself and other people, you will see, understand, and have the communication secrets of powerful people.
From Learning to Being
The general purpose I had in developing the workbook was to get you from reading to doing, thinking to doing, learning to doing, and finally doing to being. As I state in the book's “Final Words” section:
I strongly encourage you to go beyond reading this guide to applying it in your life. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Thoughts are the seed of action.” The knowledge you have gained through reading this book are only seeds. Those who are determined to improve their life, those who want more than what they already have, will plant the seeds given in this book by taking heavy action. Before any communication secret will make your life flourish, you must act on the thoughts and feelings imparted to you throughout this book. It is only by putting the skills into continual practice will you become a persuasive and influential people magnet.
I have heavily discussed how change begins from within and that this is only the beginning of what great potential lies ahead for you. Your outer world will only adjust to how you think and feel once you act on those thoughts and feelings. Fertilize the seeds in your mind with action to grow a powerful life you were born to have. It is only through action – and not reflection – will you truly know what is within yourself.
Though the book and this workbook is a great plan for building powerful communication in your relationships and life, it is only just that: a plan. Your success in relationships,
1
happiness, personal magnetism, and any area of life will come once you have a purpose and a commitment to your purpose with passion and persistence. “There is one quality that one must possess to win,” said Napoleon Hill, “and that is definiteness of purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it.”
Defining What You Want and Being Self-Motivated
I cannot emphasize enough what Napoleon Hill said. From my personal experience, I got amazing results in anything when I knew what I wanted, why I wanted it, and had a burning desire to get it. You cannot wander through life with a vague purpose of “wanting people to like me”, “better relationships”, or “to be more happy.” These examples lack a definiteness of purpose.
Wanting better relationships means nothing! Why do you want better relationships? With who do you want better relationships? Do you really desire better relationships? What will better relationships do for your life?
Wanting people to love you means nothing! What must a person do to show they love you? What must a person not do to show they love you? Are there specific people in your life that you would like to feel loved by? Are you the one who actually needs to love people?
Wanting to persuade people means nothing! Who do you want to persuade? Why do you want to change their mind? What feelings and emotions are driving your desire to persuade these people?
Saying you want better relationships, people to love you, or to persuade people is wandering through the artificial reality I described at the start of the book. You may sense something else is out there and desire something greater, but you never put “rubber on the road” and work towards your desires. There is little purpose in knowing a greater reality exists without having an exact plan to free yourself from it.
With a plan must come a desire. However, for successful people, it is the other way around: a plan will come with a desire. An army fighting for its freedom and survival will kill its enemies more often than an army fighting for nothing. Without a desire, your plan is useless. By reading the book and doing the workbook, it is evident you have a desire to do and be what you have learned. The book and this workbook is your plan to fulfill your desires.
I have written an article titled “On Achieving Goals”, which is a two-part comprehensive guide to defining what you want and building an emotional desire to get what you want. To learn more, you can read it at: http://www.towerofpower.com.au/on-achieving-goals-part-1-defining-what-you-truly-want . I also encourage you to read another article I have written at http://www.towerofpower.com.au/setting-smart-achievable-personal-goals titled “Setting SMART Achievable Personal Goals”. Lastly, read the chapter on moralizing in the book if you are wondering how to be self-motivated. Being self-motivated is easy once you understand it is a matter of manipulating pain and pleasure to make the two principles work for you instead of against you.
Will You Commit?
2
Whether you are actually going to supercharge your communication to become a powerful person in your relationships will be determined by your commitment to the plan in this workbook. The 30 day workbook provides you with a plan, but you are still responsible for manifesting it into reality.
I will admit the worksheets may appear like they require a lot of effort, but you need to ask yourself, “What price am I willing to pay to achieve the goals I desire?” You are responsible for your life. Nothing can replace a definite purpose, the knowledge of what one wants, and a burning desire to possess it. No plans, templates, guarantees, or other people can do it for you. You must take radical responsibility, follow a plan, and take massive determined action.
Make the full-hearted decision to commit to this program by ticking the box below, read Communication Secrets of Powerful People if you have not already done so, and take massive action over the 30 day period. Doing these things will make you focus on your communication goals with a purposeful intent and a daily desire to persist until you get what you want.
What you think about, what you desire, and what you focus on will be created in your life if you follow the workbook. You will be influencing people with your charismatic communication skills. Your new communication skills will bring a personal magnetism that will attract people, relationships, happiness, and success in your life. You will have the communication secrets of powerful people.
So what are you waiting for? Get cracking! You will be emailing me your success story in 30 days or less for others to see!
Your Commitment Plan
Fill out the details below. It may seem unnecessary, or even silly, but filling out the simple form below will be physical evidence of your commitment to the Communication Secrets of Powerful People program.
Full name: _____________________________
Today's date: __ / __ / __
3
“Yes! I am making the commitment right now to follow the Communication Secrets of Powerful People program so I can have the communication skills that will attract relationships, happiness, and success into my life.”
Part II: Exercises
As mentioned before, the purpose of the exercises and the workbook is to fertilize the seeds planted in your mind. The exercises will have you communicating or observing with a purpose to power up your communication.
Often we communicate and do things reactively instead of responding. This results in destructive, habitual behavior. We do what we have done to cope with the world. When a situation arises, chances are you will respond the same way you have done so for years. The neural pathways in your mind have paved rail lines that dictate your behavior.
By doing the exercises, you use another, though weaker, rail line in your mind. Where you would normally respond destructively, the exercises will lift you from the destructive habit by having you try skills designed to empower you. The exercises may feel uncomfortable, because you are fighting your body at a neural level, but overtime you will strengthen the new paths set by the exercises which will direct you to more charisma and power with people. Eventually, the skills will become you. You will naturally be charismatically persuasive.
This brings up questions dealing with the exercise. How often should you do each exercise? How should you approach the exercises? What techniques and psychological tricks can you use to maximize the learning process?
Firstly, the frequency and intensity you do the exercises will moderate how quickly the new rail line develops and makes the behavior a part of you. A tennis player who plays socially once a week will unlikely improve at the sport because the frequency and intensity is absent. On the other hand, a tennis player who practices several times a week with, an intense focus to improve and a mentor beside him or her, will become a better tennis player. If you do the exercises as often as you can and do them with an intense focus (which you can develop by reading the first part of the workbook), you will quickly remove the communication barriers from your communication and use more empowering skills to build your charisma and change people's minds.
As with anything activity, like going to the gym or playing a sport, you can increase the enjoyment and chances of sticking to a plan by practicing with someone else. If you are married, some exercises are great to do with your partner. I can guarantee you that if you do just a few exercises with someone, not only will you help yourself, but the process of doing the exercises will have the two of you talking about things you have never discussed. The intimacy you can build through the exercises is mind-blowing.
You will also find it helpful to review the preface I wrote for the book. In it I give you some good learning strategies to get the most out of the book. It provides you with effective mindsets and strategies to approach learning for greater success and enjoyment in anything you want to achieve.
Another good piece of advice to maximize the benefits you will receive from doing the exercises is to review the chapter's summary before, during, and after implementing the chapter's exercises. I included the summaries and exercises at the end of each chapter to make it easy for you to learn the chapter's main points anytime you choose to refresh your mind on the topic.
4
If something is not clear to you in the exercises, refer to the summary. If something is not clear to you in the summary, you can go yet another step back and refer to the chapter's content. Yet another step back is contacting me directly.
One last suggestion I have for you in doing the exercises is to do one exercise per day. Why? Focus and attention. You will get a lot more out of the exercises by zoning in on one exercise. A point of focus gives you a definite purpose. There is no “ifs” or “buts”; you just do it. The result will be a deeper learning process, a better understanding, and realizations from often a more frequent use of the exercise (making it an empowering habit). With that all said, let's get kicking into action.
Exercises for Chapter 1: Criticizing – A Spec in Their Eye is a Log in Yours
Exercise 1: Pick Out the Spec in Your Eye. When you catch yourself criticizing someone, because it is bound to happen, take some time out to ask yourself, “Am I actually the problem here?” Be very honest with yourself because I know it is tempting to blame your mood and a bad situation on someone else. Each time you ask yourself this powerful question, you will begin to see your biases and a lack of information polluting your understanding of the situation. You will come to realize that the spec you see in someone's eye is a log in your own eye.
Exercise 2: The Failure of Criticism. Jog your memory back to an event in your life where you desperately tried to change someone's behavior. You saw the person's problems and tried to help them through criticism. The person could have been overweight, an alcoholic, addicted to gaming, or unemployed. Think of the hurtful criticism you gave and put yourself in their shoes. They did not see you trying to help them improve. All they thought about was how you made them feel inferior and out of control. I want you to be able to see why your criticism failed to change their behavior and how it created tension between each of you.
Exercise 3: Indirect Criticism. Take out a pen and paper, or open a word document on your computer, and create two columns. In the first column, write down a list of people's behaviors that you have been really tempted to criticize on. It could be the way they eat, drink, or sleep. In the second column, write down indirect ways you can “criticize” the behavior. Use your creativity to come up with ideas. You will often need time to prepare indirect ways to “criticize” before engaging in a conversation you plan to give feedback in because indirect criticism can be a time-consuming technique.
The best indirect method that I know of is to focus on how you can reinforce positive behavior. Let's say you dislike food that is cooked too much. You know if you criticize the person's cooking, they will explode and tell you to cook. One option you could use is to compliment the person on how the food is nicely cooked when it is cooked to your preference. Also, perhaps you could give them a reason to change their cooking by negotiating that you will take on other work in the house. Give people a benefit for their change so they want to change.
Exercises for Chapter 2: Labeling – Canning People
Exercise 1: Manifestation of Labels. This exercise will have you identifying the labels you
5
use o see their influence on yourself and other people. Take out a pen and piece of paper that you feel comfortable carrying around with you for an entire day. Draw two columns on the paper. What you are going to do is write the labels you give to yourself and other people throughout the day. In the first column you can write down the labels you give yourself, while in the second column you are to write down the labels you give people.
As you catch yourself thinking and saying a label about yourself or another person, write down the label. Take notice of how the labels you place on yourself influence your self-image and the labels you place on others pollute your judgments towards people. Becoming aware of the labels you use will assist you in tearing off labels that are squandering your mind's powerful resources.
Exercise 2: Tearing Off Labels. Once you have completed the first exercise in identifying the labels you use, go through the seven reasons people label (habit, bias, ease, humor, aggression, poor self-concept, and social proof) and pinpoint the reasons why you label. Reread the section on tearing off labels and work on the solutions provided to eliminate your labeling habits.
Exercise 3: The Tombstone Game. Play “The Tombstone Game” with someone you know fairly well. Make sure you have enough rapport with the person and that you are in a fun mood, otherwise the game will seem forceful. Once you have communicated your shadow image and extracted the person's shadow image, talk about whatever you want. When approximately two weeks has passed, compliment the person using the shadow image you have gathered from the game and watch the person quiver in pure excitement as they finally feel understood by someone.
Exercises for Chapter 3: Diagnosing – Amateur Psychology
Exercise 1: How to See a Person's Positive Intentions. The first exercise for this chapter will have you seeing a person's positive intentions behind even hurtful behavior. The next time you get into a disagreement with someone, have a “freeze-out”. Ask the person if you can have a few seconds to reflect on what they are saying. This healthy silence is one that will have the two of you reflecting on what has been said.
During the “freeze-out”, take a few deep breaths and think about the person's needs which he or she is trying to fulfill. They may not be doing the best thing to fulfill the need, but the power is in identifying what need they are trying to fulfill. Once you have identified the positive intention behind the person's behavior, you will be equipped to effectively communicate in a people-magnetic, calm, and understanding manner.
Exercise 2: pH Test. Doing a pH (personal hypothesis) test is simple. The next unimportant conversation you are in, notice your assumptions. Make it an unimportant conversation because you will not be listening very well when doing a pH test for the first time. Ask yourself, “What am I hypothesizing about the person? What am I assuming to be true? How do I know this is actually true?” Next, remove any bondages you have to these judgments. The better you get at doing pH tests, the more effective you will get at listening to the outside world while noticing the internal messages going on inside of you. Your internal communication is not right or wrong, it just exists.
Exercise 3: Wear Someone's Shoes. The sole focus of this third exercise is to get you
6
understanding a person's point of view in a conversation. The next important conversation you have, I want you to have no other goals in this one conversation other than to understand the person by knowing what they feel and think about the issue(s) at hand. Be quiet but responsive, limit assumptions through a pH test, cut your ego by focusing on the person, look for nonverbal observations, and try to emotionally understand them by looking at the relational layer of communication. If it helps to prevent you from making judgments, use the secret of questions only. Unify yourself with the speaker by putting yourself into his or her shoes. It does not matter if you do not like their shoes or if you think their shoes smell; once you put yourself in the person's position, you will come to understand the person and increase your power with people.
Exercises for Chapter 4: Praising – When the Good Turns Bad
Exercise 1: From Manipulation to Admiration. Poor praise can be manipulative, and ultimately damaging to a person's self-esteem even when the praiser thinks he or she is doing something good. An effective praiser knows that one's intentions behind giving praise does not matter if the praise is communicated poorly.
Positive intentions do not make good praise, but good praise is made by positive intentions. While positive intentions does not equal good praise, you do need positive intentions to give effective praise. You cannot have the manipulative intention of boosting a person's self-esteem – when you do not believe the words you are giving – and have your praise received in excitement. Believability helps sincerity.
Find something you really admire in someone. Truthfully believe something about a person that needs to be praise. Then use the tips in this chapter to effectively give the praise. If you cannot find something in a person that you believe deserves a compliment, you are not looking hard enough. People always have something that deserves to be praised. Our focus on criticism makes us overlook positive aspects in people. As a last resort, you can admire a person's positive intentions behind their hurtful behavior. See the third chapter on diagnosing for more information in understanding positive intentions behind every behavior.
Exercise 2: A Day of Praise. For an entire day, thank people for doing things you take for granted. Pull yourself out of the habit of not appreciating the little things by complimenting people on the things you frequently overlook. During the entire day you will notice the amazing energy in people and yourself. You will see so much good in people that you usually cannot see. Your personal magnetism will begin to radiate with enormous power.
Exercise 3: Transforming Criticism Into Praise. In the first chapter on criticism, you learned that giving praise is more effective than giving criticism in changing a person's behavior. Praise reinforces good behavior; criticism reinforces bad behavior. What you focus on expands.
The next time someone does something you do not like, do not worry about it. Overlook the issue. Removing criticism is easy once you have self-control and when you know it is ineffective at changing behavior.
When the person does the very action or behavior you like, praise the person with a specific reason. In the first exercise, you learned how to identify behaviors that deserve
7
praise. There are plenty of things that people do which earn the right to be praised. Praise the small behaviors, even when the desired behavior is done momentarily, to reinforce more good behavior. When an unproductive employee does something productive, even for a minute, compliment the person straight-away by stating what they did well. If an employee packs shelves at a supermarket, you could say, “You put the bottles of Coke in the shelves very well then at the expected speed.”
Exercise 4: Exercising Your Praising Muscle. Here is an exercise to help you praise more and criticize less. Write down on a piece of paper, the names of several important people to you. These people will probably be direct family, best friends, or close co-workers. Do not concern yourself with getting everyone's name down, just a few of the most important people to you. You can do the exercise about other people later on.
Next, write besides each person two things that you admire or appreciate about them. Here are a few questions to help you come up with good compliments: What have they recently done that made you feel good? When do you most appreciate what they do? What is one time the person really helped you? What is something they do which you would like to be able to do?
Once you know what it is you admire or appreciate about the person, communicate it. Go give the person your praise this very moment. This exercise is about getting you to workout your praising muscle. Your praising muscle will get stronger with more use. Refer to the tips on giving successful praise at the end of the chapter to help you give praise and come up with more ideas on praising to complete the exercise.
After you have done this exercise with yourself, I encourage you to do it with your family. Sit down in the lounge room and write two things you admire about each family member. This is a great exercise for opening communication in your family and perhaps talking about things the family usually avoids. It is not unusual to experience a little fear in doing this exercise, but you have nothing to be afraid of because people want to hear words of appreciation.
The majority of people who do this exercise get stumped in thinking of good compliments. Perhaps you struggled to think of a compliment because you are used to seeing problems in other people. The need to criticize is the criticizer's problem. We prefer to judge people and find it difficult to give effective praise.
The goal of the exercise is to shift your focus on the negativity we all are tempted to see in other people and to help you begin praising. When you praise in combination with minimizing criticism, you: change behavior, create an abundance of positive energy in your life, and amplify your personal magnetism.
Exercises for Chapter 5: Ordering – Order is Disorder
Exercise 1: Army Intelligence. Ordering may not be a communication barrier in every relationship, yet there are usually a few people in a person's life who constantly get ordered around. Parents may habitually order their children, supervisors may order certain staff, and teachers may order specific students. Use your intelligence to identify when you give orders to people and treat them like your battalion. This allows you to eliminate the nasty communication style. It is time to stop friendly fire and converting your allies into
8
enemies.
Exercise 2: Witness the Backlash Effect. Because of the importance in understanding the backlash effect in psychological judo, this exercise will get you to see the effect take place. The next time you hear someone give somebody else an order, take notice of how resentful, defensive, and resistant the person being ordered becomes. Notice how their freedom is reduced and see what they do to regain their freedom. You will see the person do silly things, that you were previously unaware of, to reestablish lost freedom.
Exercise 3: Practice Persuasive Assertion. The next time you want someone to do something and you have determined ordering is not a good option by having asked yourself, “What would happen to the person, me, and the situation if I did/didn't order or become aggressive?” use the BFEQ technique and reflective responses. Use the BFEQ outline of “When I see/hear [behavior]... I feel [feeling]... because [effect]...Would you be willing to [question]?” As you get good using this technique you will find your own variations that work. Be sure to use reflective responses by actively listening and becoming truly interested in knowing how the other person feels. Reflective responses boosts your persuasive abilities and helps you not persistently resist the world.
Exercise 4: Daily Cruise. Stop resisting the negative events that occur in your daily life and in conversations. What you resist persists. Welcome pain and be accepting of people's poor behavior because you know the only thing that matters is how you respond to the world. Take an emotional cruise for a day. Say “yes” to everything the world gives you by accepting what happens. At night time, you will notice how much easier the day went by as you reflect on the many instances when people liked you for not resisting them. It is much easier to change an object's direction once you work with the forces it gives you. A charismatically persuasive people magnet welcomes whatever is bestowed on the self. When this day is over, you may want to do this exercise everyday because it is more than an exercise – it is a skill.
Exercises for Chapter 6: Threatening – Terrorizing Communication
Exercise 1: Investigate Your Likability. The 12 communication secrets of powerful people are tools and techniques for increasing your charisma and persuasion. Psychologists have known for decades that likability increases charisma and persuasive power while decreasing resistance with the likable person's request. Likability in long-term relationships is more about using these 12 communication secrets rather than doing the shallow, manipulative “nice” things most of us have been taught by so-called “experts”.
Put on your investigator's hat and ask people what problems they often experience during conversations with you. Ask them to give examples to build your understanding; not so you can argue with them to prove them wrong, but to expand your awareness. Be sure to avoid defensiveness while using the listening skills you have learned to encourage their input. Listen to see if they feel threatened, criticized, or labeled for example. This may be no easy task, but I do know for sure that if you put in the effort to do this exercise, you will know how those people who are important in your life feel towards your communication. It may not be pretty, but it will be liberating. The tough conversations in life are those that determine our success.
Exercise 2: Defuse an Emotional Bomb. The next time someone argues with you, or when
9
you see an argument that you think you can mediate, use the seven listening skills for crisis negotiations: minimal encouragements, paraphrasing, emotion labeling, mirroring, open-ended questions, “I” messages, and effective pauses. Focus on using the seven attentive listening skills to build understanding so that your influential, persuasive, and charismatic power dramatically increases. Your anti-terrorizing communication will defuse an emotional bomb. Having alertness, patience, credibility, adaptability, perseverance, and demeanor will also help you in these crisis negotiations. Once you have defused the emotional bomb, you can begin making your persuasive requests to change the person's mind.
Exercise 3: Immunization Against the Victory Disease. The victory disease occurs when you begin to feel arrogant or complacent about a victory or success. When you have changed someone's way of thinking, it is then that you need to be most alert. Do not stop using the communication skills that have worked well for you because “it's over”. A people-magnetic person is always using the powerful communication skills that got him or her there in the first place because “it's never over”. Every conversation you have is either raising or lowering your charisma; increasing or decreasing your likability; building or demolishing the relationship. The world is dynamic. What happens in the future is determined by the present.
Exercises for Chapter 7: Questioning – A Questionable Destruction
Exercise 1: Celebrity Heads. Close-ended questions are a powerful persuasive method, and generally a great conversation tool, that needs to be used by the people-magnetic person. Problems arise when you use a close-ended question that causes you, or the person you are talking with, to suffer from the constrained response. If you need to build understanding, empathy, or just encourage the person to talk, use open-ended questions.
This exercise is a version of the “Celebrity Heads” game so you will need at least two people. Seeing that most people should know this game, I will briefly describe the exercise. Person A needs to ask a series of questions that only elicit a yes or no response to discover the identity of the well-known person assigned to the person on a headband or just in person B's memory. Person B can only say yes or no. If the well-known person is Mother Teresa and person A asks, “Am I alive?”, person B would only respond with a closed response of “no”. This close-ended question and answering process continues until the well-known person is guessed.
Once you have done this game, contrast the results you got with the results you would get from asking open-ended questions. (You may want to do the game with open-ended questions, but the results you get are obvious as this type of questioning destroys the game.) You can see the “funneling process” of close-ended questions can be annoying as excessive questioning is irritating. Nonetheless, close-ended questions are useful conversational tools. We need to ask good questions, which include close-ended and open-ended questions, to get good responses.
Exercise 2: A Question-Expression Session. There is somebody, or probably several people, in your life right now who would like to tell you something, but they are not talking to you because they fear judgment. Take a few minutes to think who this person could be and make it your goal for today – not tomorrow – to conduct a question-expression session with this person. In this session you need to start the conversation with a few open-ended
10
questions, like: “What's the most important thing you would like to tell me today?” to get the person exploring – and willing to discuss – the issues concerning them. You could give them a reason, such as, “I'm trying to better understand those important to me because I realize I've ignored people like yourself in the past”, to encourage them to answer your open-ended question and explore their feelings. This will set the stage beautifully for the exercise.
Once you have used an open-ended question or two and explored the person's feelings, use the better everyday questioning tips and simple statements that do not pass judgments provided in this chapter to continue encouraging the person to talk. Your goal is to get the person expressing themselves so you will find it a great help in the conversation to use the active listening skills provided throughout the book. Play verbal tennis by concentrating on always returning the ball to the person's side of the court.
Once you have completed this exercise, you will be liberated by understanding someone who would otherwise have continued to ignore the issue(s) and resented you. When a person knows they can discuss tough issues with you, without you passing judgments or sending solutions, your personal magnetism will be amplified to amazing levels.
Exercise 3: Change Your Mind in a Week. This could very well be the most important exercise for your happiness, personal power, and self development that you can ever do. I mean it. For each day of the week, I want you to use one of seven reframing techniques: counter example, criteria and values, ecology, necessity, outcome, positive intention, and specificity. So for today you could use counter example framing, tomorrow you could use criteria and values framing, etc.
If your partner yells at you today, for example, instead of interpreting it as, “He/she doesn't respect or like me”, you could counter-frame your interpretation as, “He/she respects me and likes me because yesterday we did something nice together” or “Hey, I sometimes yell at people and I still respect and like them”.
If in two days time you are using ecology framing, instead of trying to lift your mood by beating yourself over your bad mood, think of what put you in the bad mood and ask yourself, “How does being in a bad mood limit my abilities? Is this bad mood what I want? Do I want [the event or person] to keep me in this bad mood?”.
If on the seventh day you are using specificity framing, instead of trying to motivate yourself into action by saying, “Come on. I should do this. I can't keep procrastinating. Focus.” break down your current state and desired state into specifics by asking yourself, “What is stopping me from working? Could it be my fear of failure? What am I thinking and doing that is different between my current state of procrastination and desired state of action? What specific steps can I do to take action?”
Your mood, emotions, and thoughts are all dependent on your interpretation which you have complete power to change. In seven days when you have completed this exercise, provided that you have used the framing techniques several times each day, you will have a changed mind. The way you look at anything will be permanently different than how you interpreted anything one week ago. You will have more happiness, charisma, and personal magnetism.
11
Exercise 4: Frame a Masterpiece. The fourth exercise is a combination of the second and third exercises. You will use the framing techniques on someone during a conversation to change their mind. During a conversation when you would like to change a person's mind and deem it is appropriate to reframe, you can select the reframe you think would be most appropriate based on what you have learned in this chapter. You can also use successive reframes to strengthen the change. It is important that you pace the person by using your active listening skills and the various skills for better everyday questioning before reframing their statements otherwise you risk rushing and frustrating the person.
Doing this exercise will not only get someone doing something you want, but you can transform a person's limiting thoughts and beliefs into empowering skills. We all have amazing abilities which just need to be unlocked. Effective questioning is one way of enabling a person to act in a very resourceful manner. Good questions are a powerful secret of powerful people.
Exercises for Chapter 8: Moralizing – Mixing Black and White Gives Nothing
Exercise 1: The Wrong in Right. The first exercise to better understand moralizing and the communication secrets of motivating people, could take a few days to experience. The exercise involves observing someone being moralized to so that you can witness moralizing's demoralizing effect. Take note of the person's guilt, resentment, and counter-arguments. You may even want to ask the person what they felt about the conversation to which they will likely reply, “Frustrated and angry”.
If you want to experience the manipulation in moralizing more quickly, instead of having to wait for the right moment to occur, you can moralize to someone in your family about an important issue. You can tell them how wrong they are to do something. Once you have moralized to the person, watch them become frustrated as they resist your solution. Just be sure it is not serious enough to permanently hurt the person or your relationship. The whole purpose of the exercise is to have you experience the problems of moralizing discussed throughout the chapter.
Exercise 2: Stimulate Then Motivate. Forget being a motivational speaker to permanently change people. Most motivation is temporary, built from feeling good. Also, do not bother motivating people with moralizing because it can be demoralizing.
Every powerful person needs to motivate people, and you can do this by making people want to change. The next time you want to motivate a person, listen to them to see what they really want. Extract their shadow image (see chapter 2 on labeling). Come to understand their problems, their fears, their wants, their desires. Create in them an awareness to initiate the change. Have a conversation about the benefits and pleasures they will receive in transforming to what it is you are trying to achieve. Also, be sure to remove the 12 communication barriers that prevent people from changing.
Exercise 3: Power-up Your Words. Stop telling yourself you “have to” do whatever it is you “have to” do. Powerful people do not have to do anything. Powerful people choose to do whatever it is they do. The next time you feel you have to do something, eliminate the powerless talk and depressing guilt – and use powerful language by saying you choose to do it. Identify underlying reasons for doing whatever you are try to do and you will be more
12
self-motivated.
Exercise 4: Build Your Identity and Change Yourself. Our identity is who we are. When we fail to change ourselves, the thing we tried to change is usually in conflict with our identity. Morals, or other behaviors, that are in conflict with our identity get avoided because we do not see ourselves as the person who does such actions.
Build an identity so that you see yourself as the person who does what you are trying to achieve. Visualize. Dress in a way that is congruent with the identity. Stick up pictures related to your goals around your workstation. Hang around people who have achieved what you want to achieve. Act “as if” you are that person you want to be. Also, do whatever you can to see this future you desire in a way that is as great as possible. Make this an everyday ritual.
Once you build a strong identity that is congruent with who you want to become, there will be no doubt – just pure certainty – about doing what you once struggled to achieve. There is no question about doing the task because you will be the person who does what you once struggled to do. You will just do it.
Exercises for Chapter 9: Advising – When Giving Outweighs Receiving
Exercise 1: A Viral Problem. Due to the extent advice is given throughout society, and seeing that you have just been introduced to this problem, the first exercise aims to make this problem apparent to you. It is a viral problem infecting everyone.
For this exercise, you are to observe and participate in conversations so you notice advice being given left, right, and center. Talk with, and observe, family, friends, and coworkers. You will see how common the communication barrier is, the problems it creates, and the need to stop being a part of this widespread disease. Seeing the problem widespread before your eyes is more powerful than me just telling you about it.
Exercise 2: Receive What People Want to Give. We love to give advice, but we hate receiving it. Reverse this around so that you hate to give advice and prefer to receive it. You can then decide whether you act on the advice or not. By choosing to receive advice, you will make people feel important. They will like you because you value what they say. You will grasp power from a gift that nobody wants to receive, but everybody wants to give.
Exercise 3: Get Brilliance, Build Resilience. Difficult experiences shape ourselves. Without problems, we would be emotionally weak beings traumatized by simple difficulties. It is through our personal struggles that we grow into better, stronger beings. Brilliance cannot be achieved without resilience. And resilience cannot be achieved until a difficulty challenges you.
To do this exercise, put yourself in a situation that tests your fear, pushes your skills, and makes you feel uncomfortable. For example, do a presentation that you would normally turn-down. By the end of the presentation, you will feel more confident and powerful had you skipped the opportunity. Even if you fail miserably at giving the presentation, welcome failure because you will be more knowledgeable and prepared for next time. By expanding your comfort zone one test at a time, you will become a powerful person that believes anything can be achieved if you want it bad enough.
13
Exercise 4: Mirror Somebody's Concerns. Stop forcing your judgments and solutions into a person's reality, and at the same time avoid getting sucked into their reality by giving them advice. Rarely do we like to be controlled and having our reality negated by someone with their judgments and solutions.
The next time you feel compelled to give advice, or when you hear somebody experiencing a problem, practice mirroring the person's concerns. Reflect their reality. Doing this will make people see you as their double soul. You will make them feel good, which gives you emotional wealth with people. Play psychological judo by working with what people give you and you will never have to worry again how a person reacts to you. A all that will matter is controlling how you respond.
Exercises for Chapter 10: Reasoning – Emotional Ignorance
Exercise 1: Illogical Logic. Reasoning and other types of logic during conversations are not entirely logical. It may seem that figuring-out “what really happened” is the rational way of solving a problem, though emotions drive our conversations and cause what seems logical to be illogical. Even if your reasoning completely dominates the other person's reasoning to clearly prove they are wrong, they will not admit the logical facts. Emotion will drive their logic as they attempt to maintain feelings of importance and stick to their point of view.
The next conversation where conflict takes place that you either see or participate in, take a look at the logical dilemma. Notice how people are expressing facts that appear logical, but deep down they are illogical because of the emotional drivers behind their words. Listen how people reason about logic, and see how it is often illogical. While people are talking about facts that are often irrational, the exercise will have you transcending the reasoning conversation and seeing what is really taking place – people blaming others, defending themselves, and feeling emotionally ignored – as the communication secret reveals to you what others cannot see.
Exercise 2: Get Some Action with Attraction. Most of us are taught by “experts” and members of society to be nice to someone with whom we want to develop an intimate relationship and they will love us in return for our generous gestures. Nothing can be further from the truth. Attraction is an emotional process only created by focusing on the emotional conversation and not by doing the logical things like being nice and giving gifts.
Attraction is an illogical process so it is important to put the counterintuitive principles into action and see for yourself the powerfully direct communication that can take place. It is important to experience first hand that reason cannot always control what the heart feels.
This exercise is useful for anyone, whether you are single or in a relationship because attraction is important in any intimate relationship. Use the 10 counterintuitive principles on someone of the opposite sex. Be bad, limit giving compliments, tease, avoid contact, avoid commitment, show disinterest, remove what is liked, send mixed signals, be mysterious, and challenge tests. If you are single, use them on someone of the opposite sex you are interested in. If you are already in relationship, do this exercise on your partner by using most of the principles (do not use the “avoid commitment” principle) and you will strengthen your relationship.
Sex in a long-term relationship often dwindles from several times a week to less than once
14
a month because the attraction dies over time. Once you spark the attraction back upwards, you can invigorate any relationship. Understanding the emotional connection of attraction will do your intimate relationship with your partner more good than focusing on logical processes.
Exercise 3: From Reasoning to Emotion. We saw in the diagnosing chapter that in every conversation there are two levels of communication taking place: content and relational. While the first layer of communication, content, focuses on the actual words being spoken; a relational focus looks at the more subtle signals being sent through verbal and non-verbal communication. Focusing on the relational layer of communication shifts your awareness up a level that is above the hypnotic distractions of content.
Engage in a conversation and notice the two levels of communication. Shift your focus from reasoning to emotion and notice the power you will have developed. Use the quick-guide to higher emotional intelligence to connect with the person at the emotional level. Think emotions, accept emotions, accept physiological reactions, avoid taking responsibility for people's emotions, welcome discomfort, live in the present, develop self-awareness, differentiate thoughts and feelings, read non-verbal communication, empathize, and maintain composure. Use this quick-guide and you will have an experience difficult to describe as you powerfully connect with someone at an emotional level.
Exercises for Chapter 11: Reassuring – Problematic Ignorance
Exercise 1: Endure Instead of Reassure. In the advising chapter, we saw the important role resilience and experience plays in shaping one's ability to be powerful. Experiencing an uncomfortable situation and successfully getting through it makes you stronger. Sometimes we need to put ourselves “out there” and go through a difficult moment to realize that something we previously worried about is an attractive option to frequently purse. As a result, experiencing the uncomfortable can make you comfortable and more successful.
It is life-changing to realize that the most important conversation you can have is the one you fear the most. Have that conversation and endure it. Whether the conversation is about a problem you would normally reassure someone on, and hence avoid the discomfort of working through the difficult issue, you need to have the conversation for you happiness and success. If the conversation is one you have had in the past where you reassured the person and avoided the problem, avoid following your compulsion to reassure someone and instead endure the problem. Stop using the avoiding barrier of reassurance to ignore the problem and face your most important conversation today. (See the recommended resources section at the end for a book I recommend to learn more about these difficult conversations. It nicely ties in with the barriers in Communication Secrets of Powerful People.)
Exercise 2: Expand Your Comfort Zone. If you know how to listen to your body by noticing your physiological changes from hormones, chemicals, or sensory information, your body can tell you a deep, meaningful message about your current state. Your body responds extremely fast to your experiences so it is possible to observe your physiology to control your psychology.
15
A shot of adrenaline can gush through your body and cause you to realize your perceptions of a fight-or-flight situation. Though a release of adrenaline does not equal a flight-or-flight response, because the hormone gets released in other instances such as when standing-up, it can tell you a lot about your body's reactions.24 An awareness of the adrenaline released into your body, allows you to identify its cause. If you initially perceive a fight-or-flight situation and there is no cause for such responses, you can control yourself. Noticing your physiological response allows you to change your thinking patterns and better adapt to the moment.
The next time you are in a conversation talking about a difficult issue with someone who needs your support, notice if your eyes move away, your body language closes as you shun yourself from the moment, or your heartbeat increases to name a few possible physiological reactions to feeling uncomfortable. It is possible you follow a predictive pattern when you feel uncomfortable, and recognizing these bodily reactions allows you to better cope.
This exercise has tremendous potential to not only increase your power with people, but also for generally making you more aware of your body's messages. Do not think that this exercise is limited to reassuring or supportive communication. I encourage you to go through the exercise again, except this time do it for something you fear to notice what your body is telling you during the fearful encounter. By better understanding the forces within your body – even gravity – you can become more aware of your reactions, and dynamics to situations, to control them because what was once hidden gets put into your awareness.
Exercise 3: Don't Evade Your Chance to Aide. This exercise is similar to the past two exercises in that it will make you feel more confident and successful in conversations, except this exercise is more about other people. The next time someone comes up to you with a difficult issue, do not use the avoiding barriers to free yourself from the conversation; rather, use the eight constructs of supportive communication to let the person in your foxhole and fight with them. Make sure your communication is problem-oriented not person-oriented, specific not general, owned not disowned, aligned not misaligned, conjunctive not disjunctive, validating not invalidating, nonjudgmental not judgmental, and two-way not one-way.
Whether you care about the person does not matter because the purpose of the exercise is to get you practicing the eight constructs of supportive communication. When you practice your communication skills in situations you think are not important, you become ready for situations that are important so that you can perform at your peak.
Exercises for Chapter 12: Deflecting – Shifting the Spotlight
Exercise 1: Loopy Conversations. This exercise will have you observing what leads to deflecting in a context of diverting the conversational topic. Deflecting is more than changing topics, but for this exercise you are to focus on people changing topics in a conversation.
The Velcro theory of memory states that our brain contains many loops. The loops are vulnerable to being snared by hooks in various stimuli. In this exercise, observe people's loops snagged by hooks in a conversation. Notice what hooks people into deflecting the
16
topic. By seeing the large number of loops getting snared by hooks in a conversation, you will come to realize the frequency of the deflecting communication barrier and the tremendous potential given to you to increase your charisma and power via having a positively focused interest in people.
Exercise 2: Where's the Spotlight? In the chapter I encouraged you to go to a party or some social event to observe people's degree of attention towards others. If you have not already done this exercise, do it. Where do people put the spotlight in their conversations?Notice the people that put the spotlight on themselves versus the people who put the spotlight on others. Contrast these people's body language and you will identify the nonverbal signals that show interest and disinterest. Notice their differences in their statements and questions. By doing this exercise, you will gather lessons to teach yourself what you can increase, decrease, or remove altogether in your conversational skills to exercise a focus on people.
Exercise 3: Workout to Lose Some Conversational Fat. You may have played a game called “Spotlight!” when you were a kid. The game involves a group of people hiding in the dark trying to avoid being seen by somebody that runs around with a torch.
The next time you are in a conversation, think of the conversation as a game of spotlight. No, do not try to avoid the person, but try to keep the conversational spotlight off yourself by putting it on the person you are talking to. Practice exercising a focus on other people to lose conversational fat because, as you have learned, it is just a matter of choice. You may also want to try the storytelling technique to build empathy. Also, having done the second exercise, you have equipped yourself with a few extra exercises that you can use in your workout to lose conversational fat.
17
Part III: Your 30 Day Journey
The third part of the workbook is a 30 day process that involves you recording your experiences with the 12 communication barriers. The worksheets act like a personal journal for the information taught in the book.
Whether you do the worksheets while reading the book is entirely up to you. However, once you have read a chapter from the book, you will have several skills floating in your mind that you have not put into action. Because of this, I recommend you start the worksheets while reading the book. You will be conscious of the skills you learn in the book throughout the day so you have the opportunity to put them into action. If an event comes up where you can practice these skills, you are going to practice these skills.
The worksheets are simple. They are divided into two columns. One column is for your use of the communication barriers on yourself. The second column is for your use of the communication barriers on other people. At the end of each day, you are to write your personal experiences in each of the communication barriers.
The self column will be your self-talk. If you criticized yourself, then in the cell for the criticizing row and the self column you are to write down what criticism you said to yourself. If you reassured yourself by saying, “Things are going to be okay”, then in the cell for the reassuring row and the self column you are to write down your reassuring statement. You will also find it helpful if you provide a brief description of who and when you used the communication barrier. Do the same for the “Other People” column.
Doing this “journaling process” for both columns will have two profound effects. Firstly, it will reveal the matrix to you. You will see a hidden world that has always existed as you realize the communication barriers being used in most conversations. You will be surprised at the frequency we judge, solve, and avoid each other. (See the book's introduction for more information about the hidden matrix of the communication barriers.)
The second major benefit you will receive from doing the worksheets will be the patterns you detect. Maybe you keep criticizing people, maybe you manipulate people through your praise, or maybe you threaten yourself with a specific statement. You will detect your patterns and become aware of the rail lines that lead you to destructive actions and reactions.
One last point about the worksheets is the notes section at the bottom of each page. The notes section can be used to jot down any thoughts, about the information you learned in the book, for that day to help you improve your communication. Did you feel great during the day, which lead to a compounding effect, where you received more great, positive results? Did you lose your job and, as a result, argue with loved ones? Were you tired? Did someone die? Did you make a new friend? Write down whatever you think needs mentioning in the notes section that you feel will help you improve your use of the communication secrets of powerful people.
18
Day 1
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
19
Day 2
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
20
Day 3
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
21
Day 4
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
22
Day 5
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
23
Day 6
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
24
Day 7
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
25
Day 8
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
26
Day 9
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
27
Day 10
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
28
Day 11
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
29
Day 12
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
30
Day 13
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
31
Day 14
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
32
Day 15
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
33
Day 16
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
34
Day 17
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
35
Day 18
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
36
Day 19
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
37
Day 20
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
38
Day 21
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
39
Day 22
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
40
Day 23
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
41
Day 24
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
42
Day 25
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
43
Day 26
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
44
Day 27
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
45
Day 28
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
46
Day 29
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
47
Day 30
You Other People
Criticizing
Labeling
Diagnosing
Praising
Ordering
Threatening
Questioning
Moralizing
Advising
Reasoning
Reassuring
Deflecting
Notes:_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
48
The End – But Not of Your Journey
If you have completed the Communication Secrets of Powerful People Workbook by finishing the exercises in part two and done your 30 day success plan by filling out the sheets in part three...
Congratulations!
You have entered a very elite group of people. Very few people smart enough to invest in this program will finish this workbook. You have proven to yourself your true power. You can accomplish a lot with a definite purpose, a plan, and a desire to possess your purpose.
Though you have completed the workbook, success with the communication secrets of powerful people is a journey. It is an ongoing process. Do not let your journey end here. Each person you touch with your words will be influenced by you. Make your influence on people a powerful one by using the communication secrets of powerful people.
Again, if you have not done so, please read the “Submit a Testimonial or a Story” section at the end of the book.
To your new powerful self,
Joshua Uebergang aka “Tower of Power”TowerOfPower.com.au
49