coaching using the grow model · web viewasking questions) to help them work out their own answers...

British Society of Gastroenterology Mentoring Programme Portal

BSG MENTORING PROGRAMME

ContentCoaching Using the GROW Model........................................................................................................3

Career Conversations...........................................................................................................................8

Work Life Balance..............................................................................................................................14

Managing Stress and Other Emotional Responses..............................................................................27

Questioning and Listening Skills.........................................................................................................38

Giving and Receiving Feedback...........................................................................................................45

Maximising your Development..........................................................................................................55

Social Styles.......................................................................................................................................66

Situational Leadership........................................................................................................................73

Resources..........................................................................................................................................79

www.developingpeople.co.uk Page: 2


Coaching Using the GROW Model

The GROW model is a key tool used in mentoring and coaching; it is useful for all leaders, mentors and mentees. This section explains the model and how it works.

Learning or developing a new skill or behaviour, or creating or improving the desire to do something new or better than before, generally involves four stages:

1. Someone identifying what they want to achieve2. Comparing that with where they are now to get an idea of the size of the task3. Deciding exactly how they will close the gap and what help they need to do that4. Committing to actually getting on and doing it!

Coaching is simply asking someone good questions (and only asking questions) to help them work out their own answers in each of those four areas. The best-known model of coaching, and one that will help you to cover all four stages of the conversation is called the GROW model. GROW stands for Goal – Reality – Options – Way Forward. Coaching is a key part of mentoring and leadership.

Goal – What do you want to achieve?

Reality – What is happening now?

Options – What could you do?

Way Forward – What will you do?



A Coaching Conversation might flow like this:

Utilise any feedback you have to ask questions that help the mentee identify a good Goal.

Once a goal has been agreed, work through the other stages of GROW, asking open questions to get your mentee to work out how they can best approach achieving the goal.

Make sure the mentee ‘owns’ the development – particularly during the ‘Will’ stage Offer support as you think appropriate, but don’t take ownership of the development

– your mentee needs to take the initiative and responsibility for achieving the outcome. Do however give feedback and review progress each time you meet or speak.

Keep in mind that everyone needs time to learn and apply new skills, behaviours and motivations, as well as the right opportunities. You may be able to suggest new or different opportunities for your mentee to try out new skills and behaviours, as well as encouraging them and providing further feedback.

Some GROW Coaching Questions


GOALS WHAT DO YOU WANT TO

ACHIEVE?

REALITY WHAT IS HAPPENING

NOW?

OPTIONS WHAT COULD YOU DO?

WAY FORWARD WHAT WILL YOU DO?


GOAL

What would you like to talk about in this conversation? What would be a good goal for you to aim at? How will you know when you have got that/done that? What would that look like, sound like or feel like when you have achieved it? What would success look like? When do you want to achieve it by? How will you measure progress on the way? What might be a good short-term goal on the way? How important is this goal to you? What makes it important How will you feel if you achieve it? How will you feel if you don’t? What is meaningful to you about it? On a scale of 1 – 10, where are you in relation to achieving this goal? What outcome would you like from this conversation?

Listening tips: Listen especially for the big picture, specific details, values, possibilities, potential, emotional depth or resonance, meaning (to the mentee).

REALITY

Where are you now – in relation to this goal? What do you have to work with? What have you tried so far? What results did that produce? What do you need? What is missing that could help you? What obstacles do you see? What do you have that you're not using? What's holding you back? What are you avoiding? What are you resisting? What is really going on? What resources do you already have? What skills and abilities can you bring from elsewhere? Who do you know who could help?

Listening tips: Listen for what is happening in the mentee’s inner world, as well as in their external world, things that might be holding them back even when they say they want to move forwards, resources they say they do or don’t have available, patterns of thought, values, beliefs, paradigms, obstacles and opportunities.



OPTIONS

What could you do? What else could you do? What other options do you have? What other options could you create? Is there another way? What other possibilities are there? What would you do if time, power, money, etc were no object? What would you do if you absolutely knew you could not fail? What is the most creative option you can think of? What is the silliest option you can think of? If you could ask anyone at all for help with this who would it be? Where could you get help? Where else could you get help? What would another answer be? What have you seen other people do?

Listening tips: Listen for emotions - positive and negative, old patterns, new possibilities, creativity, enthusiasm, connection to the goal, awareness of reality, new patterns, new thoughts or beliefs, blockers or limiting thinking, resources that could be used or acquired.

WAY FORWARD

Which option or options do you like best? To what extent does that meet your objective? How comfortable are you with that? What would make you more comfortable? What are your criteria for success? When will you start? What could hinder you in taking these steps? What personal resistance do you have, if any, to taking these steps? What could you do to eliminate those factors? Who needs to know what your plans are? What support do you need and from whom? What will you do to obtain that support and when? What could I do to support you? On a scale of 1 - 10 how committed are you to this? What would make it a 10? Is there anything else you want to talk about now?

Listening tips: Listen for the thinking process around action steps, action and procrastination, what they are creating, anywhere they sound discouraged, fun, excitement, delight, distractions, levels of commitment, intentions.



The GROW ModelThe GROW model has its origins with Graham Alexander who pioneered executive coaching in Europe some 30 years ago. Alexander had become a devotee of Timothy Gallwey’s ‘inner game’ approach to firstly tennis and then golf and applied the same methods to business coaching. The model was popularised by John Whitmore in his book Coaching for Performance. Whitmore’s chief assertion was that the method of only ever asking questions ensured that each conversation created awareness in the coachee, and generated their responsibility for achieving their goal, while the four-part model created a usefully structured conversation.

Jonathan Passmore and Stefan Cantore have suggested that one argument against behavioural-based approaches such as GROW is that their goal nature excludes the potential to explore more philosophical aspects of life. Thus, GROW may be very well suited to working in goal-directed areas of sports or business but may be less well suited to careers conversations or life-coaching conversations.

Nonetheless the model provides an excellent framework for those new to mentoring or coaching and does allow, at the discretion of both parties, for surfacing and discussion of values, beliefs and where people find meaning in life.

Resources Coaching for Performance, John Whitmore (Book) The Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy Gallwey (Book)


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Coaching-Performance-Principles-Leadership-ANNIVERSARY/dp/1473658128/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1529933341&sr=1-1&keywords=coaching+for+performance


Career ConversationsCareer conversations often take place within a coaching or mentoring relationship. This section will help mentors have career conversations with mentees. It is also useful for mentees to read in preparation for having this conversation with their mentor.

Career conversations are generally forward looking, although it can help to start with a look at the past. The aim is to find out what the mentee really would like to do going forward, and if necessary help them to formulate their thinking more clearly. Try to distinguish between information that fits with their background and career to date, and statements which may derive from their need to see themselves in a certain way, or to give the answer they think you want to hear. Here are some useful questions to get a Career Conversation started:

Are there any things that stand out for you from your school or university career that have had a particular impact on your working life?

What was your first full real job after full-time education? Why did you choose to do that? Did you have any long-range goals or ambitions in mind at that time? What major changes have taken place in your career as you changed jobs or employers? Who initiated these changes? What were the reasons for them? Looking back are there any particular changes or points in your life that seem especially

significant in your progress towards your current role? Looking back what were the times you have enjoyed most? What made those times the most enjoyable? Have you ever refused a job or promotion, if so why? Looking back, what do you think you have been really good at? Have you got what you wanted from your career so far? Have you tried to hold on to any particular set of values in your career?

Moving on to look into the future, here are some useful questions about career aspirations:

How would you describe your long-term goals? Looking ahead over the next few years in your career what are you particularly

relishing? Why are those things particularly appealing to you? What do you think your next role will be? And the one after that? What other changes do you think will happen over the next five years of your career? Have you accomplished what you wanted to in your career so far? Do you see yourself making any major career changes over time? Going forward, are you more interested in climbing the ladder as far as you can, or in

re-defining the work that you do? What would you need to do over the next five years to meet your own definitions of

success?



Career success is generally a combination of ability and motivation plus opportunity, so career development might come about through any of the following:

Learning about, improving, or perfecting a skill or behaviour Getting to know enough about a subject or being exposed to an experience that

makes you motivated to do more of it, know more about it, get more involved in it, or simply work harder at it

Being inspired by someone or something to want to know more or get more involved Seeing an opportunity for you to pursue something you are good at, have always

wanted to be involved in, or want to try out for the first time Seeing someone else succeed at something that has made you realise that ‘I could do

that’.

In addition to the above the following are excellent tips for career development generally, and can be given as relevant advice, or turned into questions, to further a Career Conversation:

Updating one’s CV/profile at least every 6 months Knowing one’s strengths and development areas in relation to career goals Building and maintaining a wide network of useful contacts Searching out role models – in career management and for future roles Keeping abreast of changes that might impact one’s career Developing personal adaptability and flexibility skills Determining one’s career goals and having a written career plan Working on a list of career action steps each month Requesting feedback on one’s skills and performance from others Actively seeking opportunities Keeping a development diary or log Discussing one’s career goals with partners, family or friends Identifying transferable skills Increasing one’s visibility and exposure to others

Here are nine areas for people to consider when thinking about developing their career. You can turn any or all of these into conversation topics by prefacing each one with: “How good would you say you are at …”

1. Taking control of what happens to you2. Getting what you want3. Creating your own future4. Getting things done5. Learning quickly6. Having good ideas7. Planning your time8. Getting on with other people9. Embracing the Unknown.



A useful questioning technique can also be to ask: “On a scale of 1 to 10, how good would you say you are at ….?” That question can then be followed by: “What would make it a [and name a higher number]?” That often easily leads on to what the person would have to do to be better in that particular area.

NetworkingNetworking is an important issue for anyone seeking to develop their career, but it is an area many people feel uncomfortable with and approach with trepidation. In fact, most people already have wide-ranging networks. Most people, if pushed, can write down the names of 250 people they know without having to search for Facebook friends or go onto LinkedIn. In fact, the average number of ‘friends’ on Facebook is now quoted at 338 (although the mean is closer to 200), LinkedIn does not publish data, but researchers estimate more than half its users have over 500 contacts. This could be important because of ‘the strength of weak ties’.

In the 1970s, Mark Granovetter studied how people in a Boston suburb found jobs. Almost 56% found out about the job connection through a personal connection, and of these: 16.7% saw that contact often, 83.3% saw that contact occasionally or rarely. He concluded: “In many cases, the contact (through whom a respondent got their job) was someone only marginally included in the current field of contacts, such as an old college friend or a former workmate or employer with whom sporadic contact had been maintained… It is remarkable that people receive crucial information from individuals whose very existence they have forgotten.”

Here are some ideas that could help a mentee to build their profile

Talking at events. Being part of a panel event. Meeting up for coffee with internal or external people. Working out what forums to join, and what networking events to attend. Joining and attending relevant professional bodies, groups, and conferences. Writing Blog posts or articles and responding with comments on online forums such

as LinkedIn. Using Twitter by commenting or following others or seeing who others are following. Keeping your LinkedIn profile up to date and writing articles or sharing articles or

information that you like.

Also remind mentees that internal networks are just as important as external ones in career development, sometimes because people within an ‘internal network’ go elsewhere they may offer new opportunities to people with whom they have built a good relationship.

Here is a useful resource about managing networks: https://www.fullcontact.com/blog/maintaining-relationships/


https://www.fullcontact.com/blog/maintaining-relationships/


Here is a process to help a mentee define their career path:Ask them to define what they like, what they are good at, what their strengths are, what are their values and what they do not like doing. Have them think about and articulate what works best for them in terms of work environments, location, type of work, culture, people and managers. You can refer to the career conversation questions provided.

Ask about how they want their work to balance with their out of work aspirations and goals, particularly with regard to family (see the chapter on work/life balance to compliment this section). This will help them to work out how important their career is, relative to other interests, and how much time you want to dedicate to it. For example, someone might want a very senior role but only want to work 9-5 and not take-home work or think about work outside those hours. Realistically they would have to weigh up which is more important to them and make decisions accordingly.

Suggest that they might discuss their thinking with colleagues, managers, a partner, friends, or people in their network. Often speaking to lots of people can help generate new ideas and different options.

Check that they have started to research the careers and types of work available, without shutting down whole lines of enquiry before they have investigated them.

Help them brainstorm different options of careers or that might deliver the things they want most.

Work through the pros and cons of all of the options with them.

Some other useful questions to ask around career paths:

As you look back over your career and life so far, do you see any major transition points, times when the change seemed more routine? Please describe each of these times.

When were you most happy or what have you most enjoyed? Were there times that you especially did not enjoy? What was it about those times

that made them not enjoyable? How will you now describe your long-range goals? As you look ahead in your career, what are the things you are especially looking

forward to? As you think over your answers you have given what patterns or themes do you see?

What reflections do you have? What do you want your life to look and feel like? What do you value most? What’s important to you? What matters most at this point in your life? What would you like to be able to say about your life on reflection at the age of eighty

(a bit like a eulogy)?



How do you want your life to feel on a day-to-day basis? What would you like people’s perceptions of you to be? When you were young what did you want to be when you grew up? Of all the things you have done in your life, what has given you the least satisfaction

or pleasure? If you no longer had to work, how would you spend your time? And with whom? What is missing from your life or do you find yourself wishing for things and if so what

are they? What motivates you to perform above and beyond the call of duty?

Career AnchorsThe concept of Career Anchors was developed by Edgar Schein, a former professor at the MIT Sloan School of Management. It is something that many people have found very helpful in understanding past career choices and planning effective new ones. Schein defined a Career Anchor as: “A constellation of self-perceived attitudes, values, needs and talents that develops over time, and which when developed, shapes and guides career choices and directions.”

The eight Career Anchors Schein defined are:

General Management – Integrating the efforts of others, management per se Technical Functional – Being an expert, love of the work for itself Autonomy/Independence – Being able to do things one’s own way Entrepreneurial Creativity – Being able to create new products, services or ideas Pure Challenge – Overcoming obstacles, whether physical or intellectual Security/Stability – Safety, tenure Service/Dedication – Aligning with a Cause, matching personal values to work and

career Lifestyle – Balancing work and non-work, or finding work that feels like play

Career Anchors works by using a questionnaire and a structured interview to help users understand the factors which contribute to successful career choices. The interview is intended to be conducted by a colleague, friend or family member who asks the questions and notes down the answers. These are combined with the questionnaire results to indicate a first preference of Career Anchor, with the others ranked in descending order.

The tool is available online or in hard copy and both formats include a wealth of information about each Career Anchor including the underlying motivators of each, and the preferences someone is likely to have around pay, promotion and recognition, depending on which Career Anchor comes out on top for them. This can be extremely valuable in avoiding career choices which do not sustain in the long term.

Links to both the online tool and the hard copy version are given below.

Resources



Here is a useful resource about managing networks: https://www.fullcontact.com/blog/maintaining-relationships/

The Career Anchors tool can be used online here: www.careeranchorsonline.com or by purchasing the self-assessment booklet, which is available from Amazon here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Career-Anchors-Changing-Careers-Assessment/dp/1118455762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529923019&sr=8-1&keywords=career+anchors or from other booksellers.

What Colour is My Parachute, Richard Bolles (Book) and online resource, http://www.jobhuntersbible.com


https://www.amazon.co.uk/Career-Anchors-Changing-Careers-Assessment/dp/1118455762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529923019&sr=8-1&keywords=career+anchors


http://www.careeranchorsonline.com/



Work Life BalanceOften work life balance is a key learning objective for many mentees. This section explains the concept and provides a process to help people build a better work life balance.

For people to be able to perform well at work and be productive over the long run they need a level of resilience. A key part of this is having a work life balance and ensuring that they get the right levels of sleep, nutrition and exercise. This can be a complicated balancing act for people in the medical world because of the demands of work. Below is information on work life balance and how to improve your work life balance or those of the people you are coaching, managing or mentoring. This area, like many others, is difficult to help others with if you have not thought about it for yourself.

Definition of work/life balanceThe dictionary definition of work life balance means the amount of time you spend doing your job compared with the amount of time you spend with your family or friends and doing things you enjoy. This description splits us almost into 2 beings and so for a genuine work life balance we need to bring the two together and think more about how we integrate both.

Different people will have different ideas of what this integration or balance looks like and one person’s work life balance could be another’s nightmare. It is important to work out your individual blend (both at work and outside of work) and then decide how you can achieve that given the realities of life that there are only 24 hours in a day (minus what you need to sleep to be productive).

Knowing when something is wrongIf you answer yes to several of the following questions and would prefer the answer to be no you probably need to reassess your work life balance. We often continue with the way things are purely as we are used to it. To make changes, even if they are small steps, the first thing is to realise that things are not working as well as they can and then believing that we do have control to do things differently.

I spend much time away from work looking at my work emails, blackberry, messages etc. including when I am with my friends or family.

I find it hard to switch off from work when I am not there. I do not sleep well as worry about work. My friends and family say that my work gets in the way of me being there for them. I would like to spend more time with friends and family, but work gets in the way. I find it hard to take breaks and holidays from work. I often feel stressed and overworked. I would like to exercise but cannot find time to do so. I would like to do more hobbies or have more interests, but work gets in the way.



Technology a help or hindrance to creating a work life balanceA good work life balance is about being able to concentrate well on the task in hand whether at work or out of work. For example, being out with your friends for dinner and being in the moment with them whether that is talking, listening and/or having fun.

Technology is driving many changes in our working practices. These days you can often work anywhere, meet virtually, work across multiple time zones and companies are actively encouraging employees to work from home. This is causing our work and out of work lives to blur into each other. It is even more important to use technology to aid our working practices not turn us into 24/7 working beings who cannot use the off button.

In this day and age, we cannot rely on work to set our boundaries in terms of time. Many organisations are becoming better at measuring output rather than input (hours worked) so the emphasis is on us to set our own parameters.

Research shows that the term multi-tasking is incorrect. We do not multi task; our brains are not set up to do so. What we do is switch our attention and this takes up much energy plus we lose our focus. Email grazing (or all other attention wavering activities) makes us less productive. Here are some tips to better manage your technology so you can focus better whether at work or out of work:

Plan the hours you are going to work in a week to get through what you need to. Work out the best times to do emails and check messages (remember that for most people you do not need to be on your devices 24/7 and chunking reading emails is more efficient than grazing).

In the time you are not working (when possible) switch off work devices or do not look at work emails and messages.

Work out with colleagues, your manager and direct reports when you are not available. Try and ensure that on holidays you have time off from work. If you need to check

emails limit this to a specific time per day. Remember to question if you cannot switch off for more than a day.

Ensure you are delegating and handing over work if you can when you are off. Remember that a good manager will be up-skilling their team to make themselves redundant.

To be really effective at work you need breaks (and this includes breaks from your devices) and time off otherwise your brain (prefrontal cortex) and body will not be functioning at their full capacity.

Have technology monk days or period of the days or even monk weeks! (Monk days are when people switch off from all technological devices to have a proper break and boost their productivity plus creativity).



Health and welfareOur physical and emotional wellbeing is at the heart of our resilience and ability to perform well in the long term at work. When we work too hard, for extended periods, most people will experience a variety of side effects that reduce their ability to stay cool under pressure or think clearly. Within your work life balance, it is important to think about looking after your physical and emotional health to build your muscles, so they can perform better and so help with your performance at work.

Relaxation and breaks build resilienceWorking too many hours without breaks has been proved to reduce the ability of our brains:

Our emotional brain is more likely to run riot. For example, after a bad day, you get home and your children have made a large mess in their bedrooms; on other days you may have the capacity to laugh it off or talk it through with them, after a bad day you shout and tell them how inconsiderate they are.

It is harder to make decisions. We cannot think as clearly and are less likely to use facts and data and be more driven by feelings and assumptions.

Our creative and problem-solving capacities will be limited. Break through thoughts or ideas rarely come out of stressed or over worked times. Often when our brains are left to wander (maybe whilst out on a run or in the shower) we get moments of inspired thinking.

It is harder to hold information. Our memory cannot hold too many things so when over worked things fall through the gaps; our brains will forget things that otherwise would not happen.

It is harder to resist urges to eat rubbish, drink too much caffeine or alcohol. The part of our brain that inhibits our knee jerk reactions finds it hard to function when over tired, stressed or over worked.

To be resilient and function to the best of our abilities we need our brains to be well fuelled and rested. A more balanced approach to our lives that involves better eating, exercise, breaks, rest and play will increase our ability to effectively perform whether at work or out of work.

Having control and creating meaning At the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is “self-actualisation”, the ability to realise our full potential. As Maslow quotes “What a man (person) can be, he (they) must be”. This may be very different for a variety of people however, the process of working out your work life balance helps people define what this means to them and create a path to get there.

When we feel like we have more meaning in our lives, have control over our destiny, and are spending time on the things that we want, we are more likely to feel fulfilled and consequently resilient. Having a balanced life where we work out what our focus should be helps us feel motivated, energised and in the zone (where we can work effortlessly). We may not be able to



function in this way all the time but taking control of our work life balance means we are more likely to have this more of the time.

Benefits of work/life balanceSteward D. Friedman a life coach and trainer quoted these results from his programmes that help people create a better work life balance.

Workshop participants assess themselves at the beginning and the end of the program, and they consistently report improvements in their effectiveness, as well as a greater sense of harmony among the once-competing domains of their lives. In a study over a four-month period of more than 300 business professionals (whose average age was about 35), their satisfaction increased by an average of 20% in their work lives, 28% in their home lives, and 31% in their community lives. Perhaps most significant, their satisfaction in the domain of the self—their physical and emotional health and their intellectual and spiritual growth—increased by 39%. But they also reported that their performance improved: at work (by 9%), at home (15%), in the community (12%), and personally (25%). Paradoxically, these gains were made even as participants spent less time on work and more on other aspects of their lives. (Quoted in Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life Stewart D. Friedman on Forbes website)

Creating Your Wheel of LifeWheel of LifeThe wheel of life is a useful tool to help you balance your work/life and consider how important your career/job is to you; this is helpful when considering your career development. It allows you to consider all the different factors in your life and work out what is important to you, what your priorities are and provides a process for you to improve the areas you want to focus on. It can also help you ensure you are looking after the different areas in your life that are important: health, emotional welfare, sleep, food, support/relationships, learning new things, contributing or volunteering in community or charitable work.

This is what you need to do to create your own wheel of life: Create Your Wheel of Life Using the Template Below.

Select Segments i.e. the areas in your life that are important to you (choose only those that are relevant to you) e.g.:

o Work and Careero Relationships or Partnero Family or Childreno Social Lifeo Financeso Health and Welfare (please include this as is key to wellbeing)o Interestso Spirituality or Community



Prioritise each area in terms of how important they are to you giving a number 1- x where 1 is most important.

For each segment rank out of 10 (where 10 is this segment is great) in terms of how happy you are with this area. E.g. if you are really enjoying your job and have high work satisfaction you would give it a 10/10.

Plot this information on your wheel (see below). The space at the outside of the circle are for your segment titles e.g. Career (priority 2). Then plot your happiness scale for that segment. See below for an example. Please note that you may have not have 8 segments or even could have more.



Answer the questions below for yourself or the person you are mentoring or coaching:

Looking at your wheel of life answer the following questions:

What does your wheel of life say to you? What segments are you happy with? What segments would you like to improve? What would it take to increase the scores of the segments you would like to improve? Does your wheel of life include things that make you feel in the “flow” (flow means things

that you love, you have the skills to do and provide the right amount of challenge to stimulate but not stress you)? If not, what can you do to improve this?

Does your wheel of life allow you to focus on the things you are good at and interested in? If not, what can you do to improve this?

Does your wheel of life focus on your values (the things that you believe in)? If not, what can you do to improve this?

Does your wheel of life help you to be as productive as possible, look after your physical and emotional health and try and boost the ability of your prefrontal cortex?

Looking at all the things you could do to increase your scores, what can you do in terms of time and resources, what are quick wins that will not take up much time or resources that you can just do, are there things that could have an impact on a number of segments e.g. going out running with my partner, what things do you need to give up on and are there other ways you could achieve them?

NB: Make sure your actions fit into your schedule and do not make you too busy/or stressed.

Write down your actions to improve your work life balance below with deadlines or times:

Creating A More Balanced Wheel of LifeConflicting priorities and demandsThe issue for many people is that they want to have it all; sometimes this is not possible. You need to earn a certain amount of money and this means you are tied to a ten-hour day, which does not allow you to create a balance in the week. In fact, after your one and a half hour commute each way it is enough to relax and eat before going to bed.



Are there ways of combining exercise and health? Can you walk from the station every day? What could you do at the weekend? How can you hone in on what is really important and give up on the parts that just do not fit in a 24-hour day where you need a certain amount of sleep? (7-9 hours are the average amount an adult requires.)

Often, we also find that increasing activity in one area of life has an impact on another. To take this into account you have to weigh up how much of a priority the segment is to you, what you may need to stop to do it and is this worth it overall. For example, Chris’ finances are low down on his priority, they also score 5/10 in terms of his happiness of how much he earns. He could work more hours to increase the score of this segment. However, the knock-on effect will be to reduce other higher priority segments. For example, working longer hours means Chris will not be able to train and run the marathon, something that is really important to him and he thoroughly enjoys. Chris needs to weigh all of this up.

Remember we are not super human and there are only a number of hours in a day. The wheel of life is hard, as we have to work out the things that are most important.


One CEO races performance sports cars on weekends. Another works out vigorously early every morning and adds a walk around Central Park on weekends. Yet another would end a grueling day of work listening to jazz on a professional quality sound system installed in the

basement. Such executives recognize that these moments of relaxation are critical to maintaining resilience: their ability to rebound from obstacles and setbacks whether it’s an

unplanned marketplace event, the resignation of a key staff member or a promotion decision that didn’t go their way.

Quoted in The Myth of Work-Life Balance John Beeson.

Working at a second-phase start-up has lots of ups and downs. To get the team through those peaks and valleys, we tend to keep it wacky with things like football bracket

tournaments, workouts during lunches, meetings held while walking around the block (weather permitting) or even sharing travel disaster/hilarity photos from afar with the team.

Ian Aronovich


Ideas for creating a more balanced wheel of life

Job/CareerReview what you want to do with your career and what steps you need to take.Meet with your manager and discuss ways to increase your skills, development and responsibility in your job.Take on a new project or area that increases your skills.Get a mentor.Go on relevant training.Family and PartnerWork flexibly; speak to manager about working a day from home.Spend more time together on shared interests or pursuits. Plan date nights.Take children to school or pick up once a week.Read to children before they go to bed.Have video and popcorn nights with kids/family or find programmes you all enjoy.Call your parents once a week.Schedule in family holidays.Interests and HobbiesLearn something new.Read a book a month.Read the papers once a week.Listen to a TED talk once a week.Join a group (book group, amateur dramatics etc.).Go on a holiday focusing on an interest e.g. horse-riding holiday.Learn to play an instrument.FinancesSpeak to a personal financial consultant.Audit your expenses and incomings and work out how to spend less.Work out how much you want to earn and what you need to do to get that.Take on more shifts at work.Reduce debt on credit cards.Find cheaper ways to buy what you need e.g. change grocer or utility provider.Save money each month by putting into a savings account.SpiritualityVolunteer.Become more involved in religious, community or spiritual groups.Go to religious or spiritual classes or lessons.Meditate or do mindfulness exercises.Give to charity.Health and WelfareStart therapy.Go to the gym. Run once a week. Play tennis. Walk to work once a week. Cycle rather than drive. Go for a long walk once a week. Go to yoga. Meditate. Get a dog. Have walking meetings.CommunityVolunteer. Become school governor.Join park group.Campaign to keep the local post office open.Organise a street party.



Maintaining My Work Life Balance Is it balanced over the long term?Nigel March How to make work-life balance work TED talk discusses his perfect day:

Get up have breakfast with family Take kids to school Go to work Work 3 hours Play squash with friend or have lunch with colleague Work 3 hours Have dinner with family Sit down and watch good film with family.

He then laughs that this is rare and that finding a balance is great if you can achieve the above or your version of it but realistically often it is more about creating it over a longer time period. For example, over a week are you able to do the work you want, see your family, do a bit of exercise and something for yourself.

Sometimes our priorities may mean that we neglect certain areas. For example, you are an entrepreneur and decide that you want to give work your all whilst you set up. You may take the hit in all other areas of your life but decide that this will be for the first year.

Or you are working to secure a consultant position. You decide that for the next few months this is the focus.

Balance may have to shift depending on the circumstances and priorities in your life. The key is to be conscious of the decisions and choices you are making and that they are well thought through across the different areas in your life.

How to stay focused Like all plans putting your actions from your wheel of life in to practise can be hard with many good intentions falling by the wayside. Habits can take 6-9 months to embed so what can we do to ensure we stay focused and stick to our plan? Here are some tips (Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habits is helpful in how to introduce good habits into your life).

Ensure your wheel of life is informed by your values, what makes you happy, your interests and the things you need to feel fulfilled. Once you have finished your plan step back and ensure that it meets your requirements.

It is a good exercise to do or review on a regular basis especially if your circumstances change. Reviewing every quarter and re doing annually will help ensure it is up to date.

Get support from your friends, family, colleagues and manager. Ensure you have worked out who you need on side to achieve your plan. Also have someone who will call you to account if you are not doing what you wanted.


https://www.ted.com/talks/nigel_marsh_how_to_make_work_life_balance_work


Keep in mind what you will gain from doing this and the benefits it will provide. We are meaning seeking creatures so the more your plan feeds into the things you need to feel happy, fulfilled, and resilient the more likely you are to stay committed to the plan.

Ensure you have some quick wins so you can see some progress early on.If you slip from your plan do not give up. This is not failure. Work out what happened and how you can best prevent slippage again. Think of the grand plan and one week of not doing stuff is no reason to give up.

Entrepreneurs do not need balance?How do busy people create some balance? Here are some examples of how busy people cope with a demanding work life and try and find breathing space. What do you think about their ideas for maintaining a balance and what can you do?

In 2007 I started a Chamber of Commerce management company - now we’re also a social media agency, and while the team has expanded to take on more tasks, my work hours range between 75 and 90 per week. Here’s how I manage stress:

a) Joined a running club. I run 3 times per week, roughly 15 to 30 miles total. It’s been a life-changer.b) I visit the chiropractor regularly (no aches or pains, just maintenance)d) Treat myself to a documentary once per week for brain stimuluse) On Sundays we have family day with the extended family (roughly 6-8 hours) and back to work at nightf) I meet with a small group of entrepreneurs and we cook, drink, and discuss ideasg) And last, but not least, once per year I, sometimes with others in my network, deliver computers to some of the poorest parts of the world where access to online customers could make the difference to entire villages.Doing social good puts life and business into perspective and provides fuel to cope and plow ahead.”

-Edgar Mejia, Conexion

As entrepreneurs, we have zero sense of balance. We’re all in, all the time. It doesn’t matter if it’s day or night, weekday or weekend — each of us focuses on our vision with a single-minded passion. I even know an entrepreneur nearing retirement age who plans on working 80 hours a week until he dies, at which point he says he’ll cut his hours in half. He’s not alone. Many of us skip meals, showers, and social gatherings, meaning we avoid anything that diverts our attention from turning our visions and passions into reality. We’d probably work in our sleep if we could. In fact, I bet some of my more creative colleagues actually do… I may be an entrepreneur, but in my family our kids come first. I don’t leave the house before they wake up and I am home every night to put them to bed — without exception. I have been in board meetings and walked out to tuck my kids into bed. I make this clear from the beginning and people respect my family time. On the flip side, just about everything else falls by the wayside. I don’t really watch sports, play games, or have hobbies. I don’t do anything, really. Except of



course, work — which I truly love with a zeal that is as sincere as my love for my kids. My work is my passion; my kids are my passion; everything else be damned.

Extract from Entrepreneurs Don’t Need Work-Life Balance Jeff Stibel Huffington Post

To deal with stress our company does frequent corporate outings like fishing trips, rifle range experiences, Mets games, and Tuesday movie nights. These excursions get all of us out of our regular work environment and help everyone relax and socialize with each other in a different setting. We also try to go out to lunch once a week all together in the summer and have beer and wine.

Even working outside on a beautiful day from our laptops or by the window at Starbucks is a great change of environment and can really improve anyone’s attitude about a stressful situation. An occasional change in scenery is always good for stress relief.”

-Nicole Yelland, Livio Radio

I went through a period of about six months where I had to work 80+ hour weeks. I really struggled with it, because I need more sleep than most people and count on having a couple hours of downtime in the evenings to recharge. I have no idea how people maintain that schedule permanently, but here are some things that helped me get through:

1. Laughing. Working 80-hour weeks just isn’t enjoyable, no matter what kind of work you’re doing. Think of the most fun thing in the world, and it will still suck if you have to do it 80 hours a week. Finding something to laugh about from time to time can really break the boredom and make work a little more fun, at least for a few minutes at a time.

2. Walks. If I was feeling worn out and had a meeting scheduled with one or two other people, sometimes I’d ask if we could have a walking meeting instead. Going out for a little exercise in the fresh air really helped make me feel more alert than anything else. And many times, the meetings were a whole lot more productive as a result of the environment.

3. Lunchtime naps. I used to move my car up to the top of the parking ramp and just sleep for an hour. Afterwards, I’d eat my lunch at my desk.”

-Kevin Spence, Career Thoughts

I bike to work as much as I can. It takes 30 minutes by bike, and 20 minutes by car. This commute helps me arrive at work calm & relaxed (having just spent time closer to nature hearing birds, feeling the wind, seeing green). I am ready for the day. I arrive home relaxed also — because my bike commute home helps me to transition to my personal life. I wish I lived in a climate where I could do it all year long!

-Sally Palaian, Licensed Psychologist

Taken from and read more at The Grindstone.com


http://www.thegrindstone.com/2012/05/08/work-life-balance/how-do-you-cope-with-100-hour-work-weeks-10-stressed-employees-tell-us-the-truth-384/9/#ixzz3UXtO6Moo


Resources Don’t Need Work Life Balance, Jeff Stibel (article) https://hbr.org/2012/04/work-life-

balance-is-overrated The Myth of Work Life Balance, John Beeson (article) https://hbr.org/2011/12/the-

myth-of-work-life-balance How to make Work Life Balance Work, Nigel Marsh (TED talk)

https://www.ted.com/talks/nigel_marsh_how_to_make_work_life_balance_work The Power of Habits, Charles Duhigg



https://hbr.org/2012/04/work-life-balance-is-overrated



Managing Stress and Other Emotional ResponsesWhen coaching, mentoring or managing others it is helpful to understand how to deal with stress and other emotional responses like disappointment, anger, feelings of failure plus many others. In this section we explain the difference between our rational and emotional brain, how emotions are formed and how we can change our responses to better manage our emotional responses. There are also tools and techniques to help people manage their emotions and reduce stress.

Our Emotional and Rational Brain

Human beings whether at work or outside of work have emotional responses to most things that happen. When we get emotionally triggered; when we feel extreme emotions like anger, frustration, crossness, stress and many others it reduces our ability to perform to the best of our abilities and think properly. Freud talks about the benefits of helping people to feel “ordinary unhappiness” rather than “misery”, this means that if we did not get a job that we really wanted it would be appropriate (ordinary unhappiness) to feel disappointed. However, if we went into a terrible long-lasting mood where we felt useless, rejected and unable to get another job (misery) then this is about something else not just the current situation. If we can understand this we are more likely to be able to better manage our emotional states, so they do not affect us so negatively.

Parts of your brain that affect your ability to regulate your emotional responsesAmygdala: Your brain’s alarm system. It senses threats and other emotionally significant information and initiates the stress response.



Hippocampus: It stores and retrieves conscious memories previous stressors you’ve experienced, how you responded, and resulting outcomes.

Prefrontal Cortex: This is your rational brain. It is slower to activate than your amygdala, is more rooted in the here and now, and uses data to make decisions. It has a short battery i.e., it can only focus for short periods of time before needing a break and food to recharge. It is like a small stage that when it gets crowded with actors stops working. We all know how we feel when we are well rested, have eaten and not feeling negative emotions. This is what mindfulness and meditation look to build and research show it is a muscle and a skill that we can develop.

When we get emotionally triggered our amygdala, our older brain is activated, and our prefrontal cortex shuts down. This is the area that is a bit like our alarm system. It responds to emotional triggers as serious threats to our survival almost as if there is a tiger about to eat us (as would have been a threat to our ancestors). We produce cortisol and adrenaline that gets us ready to fight or to take flight. If we produce too much then we freeze (this is the body’s attempt to stop us feeling pain if we feel we cannot avoid the threat). When we get emotionally triggered our amygdala speaks directly to our hippocampus that is the centre of our memories and past experiences. For example, if we have been in a car accident and we are in a car that brakes suddenly it is likely our amygdala will speak to our hippocampus and respond based on our past experience. If a patient shouts at us and we feel upset, we are not just responding to the here and now. It is likely that we are responding to other times when we have been shouted at, what it brings up for us about how we feel about ourselves and a whole host of other baggage.

Responding in flight, fight or freeze mode is not helpful unless we are under proper threat. At work we are rarely under actual threat and what we need to operate effectively is our prefrontal cortex. This allows us to think clearly, use data to make decisions, not be clouded by our past experiences, be empathetic, see other’s views, ask open questions, not make judgements, listen, and a whole host of other important functions. When our amygdala is activated we should metaphorically go home as we are not responding just to the current situation.

Managing StressStress at work is a major issue. It is the single largest reported cause of all work-related illnesses. 526,000 workers suffering from work-related stress, depression or anxiety (new or long-standing) and 12.5 million working days lost due to work-related stress in 2016/17.

(http://www.hse.gov.uk/statistics/causdis/stress/). However, this does not have to be the case as there are a number of tools and techniques to help manage and reduce stress.



A dictionary definition of stress is “physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension” or “a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilise.”

Research has demonstrated that persistent stress can cause heart attacks, strokes, kidney disease, rheumatoid arthritis and ageing.

As illustrated, increased stress results in increased productivity – up to a point, after which things go rapidly downhill. However, that point or peak differs for each of us, so we need to be sensitive to the early warning symptoms and signs that suggest a stress overload is starting to push us over the hump. Such signals also differ for each of us and can be so subtle that they are often ignored until it is too late. Not infrequently, others are aware that we may be headed for trouble before we are.

Any definition of stress should therefore also include good stress. For example, winning a race or election can be just as stressful as losing, or more so. A passionate kiss and contemplating what might follow is stressful, but hardly the same as having a root canal procedure.

As noted, stress is difficult to define because it is so different for each of us. A good example is afforded by observing passengers on a steep roller coaster ride. Some are hunched down in the back seats, eyes shut, jaws clenched and white knuckled with an iron grip on the retaining bar. They can’t wait for the ride in the torture chamber to end so they can get back on solid ground and scamper away. But up front are the wide-eyed thrill seekers, yelling and relishing each



steep plunge that race to get on the very next ride. And in between you may find a few with an air of nonchalance that borders on boredom. So, was the roller coaster ride stressful?

The roller coaster analogy is useful in explaining why the same stressor can differ so much for each of us. What distinguished the passengers in the back from those up front was the sense of control they had over the event. While neither group had any more or less control their perceptions and expectations were quite different. Many times, we create our own stress because of faulty perceptions we can learn to correct. You can teach people to move from the back of the roller coaster to the front, and, as Eleanor Roosevelt noted, “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

It is worth noting that different things stress different people. In the book Quiet by Susan Cain it talks about how introverts and extroverts experience the world differently (extroverts are those that get energy from others and introverts those who get energy individually). This means that they would get stressed over different things. Often introverts can find parties or all-day team events stressful if there is no time to refresh alone. Introverts can often find open planned offices more stressful too. Extroverts may get stressed if they had to tackle a project individually with no help or support. They may also find it more stressful having to hibernate to do quiet work that requires much concentration and time alone.

From: http://www.stress.org/

Understanding what causes stress Here are some common stress factors

Lack of control or autonomy. Not feeling like we have control over situations or the ability to change them can lead to increased stress. There is a saying that everyone has to have a boss but if your boss can get you to do what is needed and provide you with a sense of autonomy over how you go about it then you are likely to feel much more empowered and motivated. Managers and organisations should focus on outputs so that employees have control in how they go about their tasks.

Lack of support. When people feel that there is little support from their manager, colleagues, peers, friends, family or direct reports they can not only experience high levels of stress but will also be more likely for stress to be unmanageable. Often someone who can listen, show empathy and concern can help people reduce their stress levels.

Change. Intrinsically many people do not like things being changed, as they have to adapt their ways of thinking, and operating. It means that all changes should be well planned, communication thought through and people involved in the process, so they feel they have more control over the process.

Lack of clarity of role. Often people can struggle with ambiguity or lack of clarity over what they are meant to do or expectations (this can differ, and some do relish a white paper in which to work things out). It is key, that organisations, and managers provide


http://www.stress.org/


SMART objectives (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time scaled) that articulate what someone needs to do in a job to be successful. Failing that employees should ask for clarity if this is important to them.

Demands too much for hours of work. People often think that there is a magic formula for working out how to fit in a job that requires more hours than there are. Once you know what you have to do and have worked out when it can be done, if it does not fit then either you need to reprioritise or take something away. However, stress depletes the rational brain, which is needed to do this type of activity.

Relationships. Often arguments, conflicts, lack of harmony, overly competitive or dishonest relationships leave people feeling stressed by the impact of this and on top of this it may be harder to get help if relationships are suffering.

Responses to StressWhen we experience stress, it can come out in a variety of ways. These impact on our performance, productivity and welfare. Stress requires a large amount of energy, which can lead to us becoming ratty, depressed, tired, and unable to think clearly.

Physical Responses:

Heartbeat accelerates Hard to breathe, this can lead to hyperventilating. Sweating Feeling sick Loss of appetite Over eating Headaches Reduced immunity Illnesses Sleep issues.

Emotional Responses:

Go into denial mode Stop thinking rationally or cannot think Exaggerated or catastrophic thinking Poor memory Unhappy, sad, depressive feelings Low self-esteem and confidence Irritable and angry.

ABC Model to Managing Stress and Other Emotions



The physical and emotional responses that we experience due to stress or other strong emotions are within our control to change as they are dictated by the messages we tell ourselves and often we are not even conscious about what these are.

When we get stressed or emotionally triggered we often produce adrenaline and cortisol. We know this, as all the physical responses to stress are the result of our bodies producing these chemicals. A bit of adrenaline and cortisol can be good for us; can produce “good stress” that gets us going or focuses us on performance. However, once we start feeling sick, or our rational brain disengages (see below) we know that we are producing an amount that is unhelpful.

It is an odd response as in an evolutionary sense we used to produce adrenaline and cortisol when there were external threats. For example, a tiger is about to eat us, we produce as much adrenaline and cortisol that is needed for us either to freeze, fight or run very fast. Nowadays we produce adrenaline and cortisol when we are under internal threat as well as external threat. This is when our brains tell ourselves awful things. We may not be conscious of these things, but we know this must be happening otherwise we would not be producing masses of these chemicals.

A good example is when people present. Some people can feel sick, find it hard to breathe and race through their presentations in a state of heightened anxiety. However, it is not a lack of competence as they can talk very eloquently in small groups or out socially. So, something has happened or more to the point we have told ourselves something that feels catastrophic. This can be due to people feeling exposed and vulnerable when in front of a group and some of the things they may be telling themselves are “I am going to do a rubbish job, everyone is going to think I cannot do my job, I am useless, they are going to sack me ….” This would account for adrenaline and cortisol being produced in this way. We tell ourselves terrible things and then our body responds accordingly.

The A B C Cognitive Behavioural Tool is useful in working out what happens when we get stressed or have emotional responses like anger, frustration and irritation i.e. when we are emotionally triggered. It is a useful tool for coaching and mentoring others or to do as self-practice.

Example



A: Activating Event Presenting to a group of senior managers

B: Beliefs and assumptions (we make about life that cause our physical and emotional responses. This is often our internal voice or inner critical voice that many of us are not even aware exists).

I am rubbish at presentations, the last one I did was terrible and everyone is going to be bored and think I am useless. If this happens then they may think I cannot do my job and get rid of me. If that happens then I will lose my house and possibly everything.

C: Consequences i.e. our physical, emotional and behavioural responses to the Activating Event

Physical ConsequencesI feel sick, am sweating and have an accelerated heartbeat.Emotional ConsequencesI feel stressed and worried.Behavioural ConsequencesI go out with friends and get drunk to not think about the presentation and then I do not prepare.

Often people deny that their beliefs cause stress and think it is purely due to the Activating Event e.g. My workload is so heavy that it is no wonder I am stressed.

We need to better understand our internal voice and when it is being fired by our amygdala talking to our hippocampus (alarm system connecting with our past experiences, memories or our historical evolutionary wiring). If we can do this, we increase our emotional awareness and we will deal better with work situations and a whole host of other times when we need our prefrontal cortex to do the work.

Activating Event: Think of 1 example where you or your coachee/mentee etc. were stressed

Consequences: What were your emotional, physical and behavioural responses



(see model above for examples)?

Beliefs: What are you telling yourself or what beliefs are in place that are causing your responses to stress?

Re-scripting your internal self-talkAnother useful tool is to have a positive script that you tell yourself to counter the negative internal script, errors in thinking or inner self talk that you are telling yourself that causes you to produce adrenaline and cortisol.

E.g. when you next feel stressed about a heavy work load start telling yourself:

I know I am telling myself something terrible as my adrenaline is beginning to be produced. This is not rational. I do have control over my work and I know that I do a really good job. I just need to think about what I need to do, see when I can fit it in and if I cannot then I can speak to my manager. I know that I am good at planning and prioritising and if I do this there is no reason for me to be stressed. I am going to put it all down on paper and see if it fits and if not, I will do something about it. I do not have to be superhuman.

How can you rescript your internal self-talk into a positive script to help manage stress using the examples above?

Changing our thought process



Martin Seligman states “moods like anxiety, sadness and anger don’t just descend on you without you having any control over them but that you can change the way you feel by what you think”.(Quoted by Dan Goleman pg. 246 Emotional Intelligence.)

Similarly, feelings like negativity, pessimism, and stress can be changed by working out the thoughts that are driving them. This has an impact on our performance and by changing our thought process we can be flexible in the light of setbacks.

Answer these questions to get more understanding of your responses to events.

When was the last time you felt emotionally triggered at work?

What was the trigger or the activating event? (This could be an event, what someone said etc.)

What physical responses were you aware of?

What were you thinking and feeling?

Review these thoughts and see if any were coming out of your emotional brain e.g. were they catastrophic thinking, or other errors in thinking like generalisations, judgements, blaming self or others, predicting the future or mindreading?

What could you do to engage your rational brain and what facts might dispute your more emotional thinking?

If this happened next time what could you do to change or manage how you are feeling?

ExamplesNitaNita was given a piece of negative feedback in her review. She was told that she had not delivered one project, and this had had an impact on the performance of her area.

Nita felt devastated. She thought her manager thought she was rubbish and could not do anything. She thought she was under intense pressures this year and there was nothing that she could do to change this. In the meeting she felt like she wanted to cry, her heart was beating faster, and she could not concentrate on what her manager was saying. She felt she was rubbish and that perhaps they were trying to get rid of her.



What can Nita do to manage her response and reengage her prefrontal cortex? Once Nita had calmed down she could review her thoughts and feelings. She realised that her manager was not trying to get rid of her and otherwise her review was highly positive. Her manager seemed to be interested in why this happened, but Nita was so upset that they cut the meeting short. Nita realised that she could do something to change it, plan better and say when there is too much on. Nita knows that she works hard, has had some great results this year and is not rubbish overall.

Nita can see that when she gets feedback she takes it as evidence that she is useless and that this is not accurate. She does know that when stretched she does not always plan well and then things can slip. Nita can go back and speak to her manager to explore with her how she can develop her planning and ability to say when things are getting too much.

GabrielGabriel is feeling really stressed at work. What practical ideas could you give him to help with his stress?

Answer

Sit down and do this breathing exercise: breathe in for 4 and out for 6. This will help you re-engage your rational brain and help you breathe properly (which we often do not do when we get stressed and then it is not surprising that we cannot think clearly).

Do physical activities that you enjoy like tennis, or swimming or running. They quieten your mind and produce chemicals that make us feel good.

Meditate or do yoga that helps quieten the mind and stops negative self-talk. Take breaks at work and get outside in the fresh air, eat lunch not at your desk etc. Ask for help from colleagues and your manager. Take holidays and factor in that this will mean a few hours either side to

prepare/handover things and catch up. If you get stressed plan what you need to do, schedule when you can do what you need

to do to ensure it fits in your schedule, turn the unknown into the known and see whether it fits. If not reprioritise and/or ask for help.

Do not have your digital devices constantly on. Turn everything off at points in the day when concentrating on a piece of work e.g. turn off phones and do not browse emails or at weekends.

Talk to others to get things off your chest. Listen to classical music or something that you enjoy. Perform tasks away from interruptions.

What is the impact of the following responses to stress?



Trupti: Work is really stressful at the moment. I have three projects on and all have to be delivered in a month’s time. I was aware that during a meeting my heart started beating really fast, I got breathless and can you believe it I was sweating though it was a perfectly cold day. I decided that I needed to work out what was going on. My colleague was going for lunch and asked if I wanted to talk things over. I jumped at the chance. We worked out that I was stressed as I thought if I told my manager that I was stressed they would not think I was coping and would think I was incapable. That was really helpful as it made me realise that yes, I have lots on but it is more that I think that if I cannot cope then as a person I am useless. Anyway, I also realised that in my panic I had not done all the things I usually do to plan my time. I had convinced myself that because of the time pressures I just needed to get on with things not waste time on planning but I wonder if that just propelled me into a greater panic. Tonight, I am going to go away and write a to do list, work out when I can do all these things and see if they fit. If they do not I am going to ask for help, delegate or go back to my manager and see if they can provide some support or advice on how to prioritise. I realise that if I do this alone then I am going to fail or get sick with feeling so awful and on top of that my brain is just not functioning. I felt much better after lunch and my colleague did not even say very much she just listened and asked what I thought I needed to do. Think I would have punched her if she had told me to do a to do list!

Answer: Trupti is managing her stress well and working out how she can take better control of what is going on. She is questioning her emotional response and challenging it. This allows her to reengage her rationale brain and work out a plan of action.

Resources The Biology of our best and worst selves, Robert Sapolsky (TED talk)

https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_sapolsky_the_biology_of_our_best_and_worst_selves

Why you think you are right even when you are wrong, Julia Galef (TED talk) https://www.ted.com/talks/julia_galef_why_you_think_you_re_right_even_if_you_re_wrong

The Brain at Work, David Rock (Book) The Stress Proof Brain, Melanie Greenberg (Book) Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman (Book) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Action, Windy Dryden (Book)


https://www.ted.com/talks/julia_galef_why_you_think_you_re_right_even_if_you_re_wrong





Questioning and Listening SkillsQuestioning and Listening skills are fundamental in building relationships so are an important part of mentoring, coaching and leadership. The following gives an overview of the importance of questioning and listening and how to do it well.

QuestionsThe Power of QuestionsWe are not programmed to ask open questions. It is something that rarely comes naturally to people unless their parents/teachers have modelled this from an early age. People find it difficult to put this skill into practice even when they understand it intellectually; it is almost as if we are battling against our blue print of not wanting to find out more or challenge our ways of seeing things. When we are triggered (experience heightened emotions) our emotional brain takes over and initiates our fight/flight/freeze response. This shuts down our prefrontal cortex. We need our prefrontal cortex to ask questions, listen and show empathy.

Good questions open up our understanding of our world and others. It challenges our beliefs, assumptions and ways of thinking about the world. Open questions can get us to think differently, work out better ways to do things, think about what drives our behaviour and find solutions or ideas to many things.

They are one of the key skills in communication and are key in performance management, coaching, mentoring, managing relationships, patient care, negotiating and much more.

We often hide our own views and opinions in questions as we want to give people the things we think they should do or have already come up with an answer or are not assertive enough to say what we want. Examples of this are “Why did you do that?” when what we want to say is “I did not like that for xxxx reasons, what I would like you to do is xxxxx, what do you think?” Or “Do you think if you went to bed earlier you could get up on time?”

Mastering open questions will allow you to find out much more about your mentees and their worlds. This in turn will help them develop, keep them motivated and engaged, show you are interested and increase their performance.

Asking closed questions leads to a dull existence where we mostly find out what we already think and believe, we do not involve others and we do not increase our knowledge or allow others to do the same.



Different Types of Questions:Closed questions:The respondent can only answer with a yes or no response. These can be used in verifying, confirming, or getting decisions between two alternatives. Closed questions control and direct a conversation and may miss what is really important. E.g. Can you get this done by Thursday? They do not find out much about what it will take to do the task or whether someone is motivated. Avoid closed questions unless you want to confirm something or are using them to summarise what the other person is saying.

Open questions:Are ones that allow the respondent to answer fully and you to get the complete picture. E.g. What, how, who, where: I would like you to do this task by Thursday. How does that sound? What do you think about doing the task? Try and use more open questions, here are some that will help:

Tell me, what do you think about that? What is it you like about the idea? What are the reasons that you suggest that? How do you plan to achieve that? What do you think will happen now? How would you change things? What do you want to happen? What’s causing the problem? What’s the best-case scenario? What would happen if… I wonder… What do you think about… In what way… Tell me about… What would you do… How can we… How did you… How do you feel about… What are the reasons? What do you mean? What if… Explain more about… Can you elaborate on… Tell me more about…



Probing questions:Are ones that seek out further information and provide a broader technicoloured picture. They are used to gain more information especially when the first answer to a question is insufficient or the person is being evasive. Probing questions are useful to increase and gain more information to get to the bottom of the issues.

E.g. What do you mean by that? What specifically has been the problem? What did the patient say? You say the report was rubbish. I’d really like to understand the specifics behind your feedback so that I can make changes. Tell me more about why you feel that way?

Hypothetical questions:Are ones that get someone to use their imagination and to identify the alternatives. “What if” questions, begin to get the person to see things in a different way. E.g. What would you do if you had an extra day a week at work? How would we manage if another team member went sick? How could we do this differently?

Questions to overcome deletionsA deletion is when people delete nouns and verbs and so you do not have all the information. Challenge by asking who, what, which, how.

E.g. Hear: I don’t understand. Ask: What don’t you understand? Hear: I can’t do that. Ask: What exactly can’t you do?

Questions to overcome distortionsThere are 2 types of distortions

1) Necessity-statements which infer that something must occur or is necessary.

E.g. Hear: I have to do it like that. Ask: Why do you have to do it like that?

2) Possibility-statements that infer something is impossible or can’t be done.

E.g. Hear: I can’t finish this Ask: What prevents you/stops you?

GeneralisationsStatements which include words like: none, always, most, no-one, all, any.

E.g. Hear: She never helps. Ask: Do you really mean…...? Can you think of a time when she did help? Hear: Nobody understands me. Ask: Who specifically/in what way?



ListeningSimilarly, to open questions listening is a key skill for coaching, mentoring and leadership. Below are areas that will help improve this area.

Barriers to ListeningWhat thoughts were running around in your head as you were listening? Did you find yourself doing any of the following as they are common barriers to listening?

Listening for opportunities to say something clever or insightful Listening for a chance to share your experience Listening to external distractions Listening to your own thoughts Listening to see how you can help Listening to understand the problem Listening to how the other person is feeling Listening for a hint that your solution might be a runner Listening for a way in which you can benefit Listening to prove a point to yourself Listening for a subject that feels safe Listening for an opportunity to give advice Listening for what is really going on for this person Listening to your own thoughts and the question you would like to ask next Listening for something you have in common.

Work out what happens for you when you are listening, and this can help focus on the person and what they are saying as well as what they are not saying (omission of words, body language, a sigh etc.)

The Five Levels of Listening

Interrupting is when you interrupt someone by talking over him or her. The difference between this and hijacking is that interrupting is not related i.e. you are not listening to them and take over the conversation to say something that you want to talk about.

Hijacking is when you take over the conversation often by interrupting to talk about something related to what the other person is talking about e.g. Ali is talking about his holiday in France and you interrupt to talk about the time you went to France.



Advising is when you give advice when you have not been asked e.g. your friend tells you that they are struggling with their workload and you say, “why don’t you just talk to your boss and tell them to take some work away from you”. We often want to make things better for others and so find it hard to sit with their feelings and let them work out what to do.

Attentive Listening is when you listen but do not say anything whilst someone is talking. If they finish you leave a pause to see if they say something else. If not, you could say, “is there anything else you were thinking?” or “what other thoughts do you have about it?”.

Active Listening is when you listen by:

Summarise or paraphrase e.g. so what you are saying is ... it sounds like... Show empathy (summarise or reflect emotions) e.g. it sounds like you have had a really

tough time with no one to help out. Ask open questions to find out more though do limit them as if you ask too many it is

hard to listen. Show you are being attentive (good body language and eye contact; though if you are

listening this will come naturally for most). Hold back on what you want to say and the judgements you jump to. Practice Carl

Roger’s Unconditional Positive Regard (observe your judgements; work out what you know factually and what you do not).

Try and remain as an Attentive or Active Listener.

What we miss if we are not active listeners... A whole other world that is hidden below the iceberg. People often only reveal the top

of the iceberg and if we are not listening or asking open questions we miss the important things that drive what we do.

We will only be left with our own way of seeing the world the mental models/judgements that we have already formed.

We will not understand what people are really saying e.g. they say I hate that or that book will not work, we do not know what has lead them to say that or the evidence they are using to base their judgements.

Listening to what is really being saidCentral to good mentoring, coaching and other conversations is the ability to understand your own thinking process and the skill of teasing out the assumptions made by others. The ladder of inference1 shows how we can leap to conclusions when we are listening to someone, usually without being aware that we are doing so.

1 The Ladder of Inference is taken from The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook by Peter Senge et al, published by Nicholas Brealey Publishing, and is based on the work of Chris Argyris and Robert Putnam.



You can improve your ability to hear what is really being said by:

Being aware of your own thinking patterns Articulating your thinking and reasoning to others Asking others about their thinking, their assumptions and how they arrived at the

conclusions that they are sharing with you. For example. Nita is telling you about not prepping properly for an interview and you jump from her not prepping to her not being committed or a bit lazy, which is an assumption you have. You will miss the opportunity for Nita to explore what has contributed to her doing this and what she can do next time.

The IcebergThe Iceberg describes how we often only see the things others and ourselves, do and say (our behaviours). To understand what drives our/others behaviours we need to think about what is below the surface (what is not visible); our/others values, attitudes and beliefs. When things go



wrong or we/others do not do as well as we would like, it is useful, rather than beating ourselves/others up or being judgemental, to get curious about what is driving our/others behaviour. Once we understand why we do what we do, we are then in a better place to make changes.

Here are some questions you can ask people to help them understand more about what is driving their behaviour. For example, they hand in a piece of work late.

What could you have done differently? What factors caused this to happen? How could prevent this happening in the future? What do you need to learn or find out about to prevent this?

Help your mentees, coaches etc. become curious non-judgemental detectives not their harshest critics.

Resources A More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger (Book) Time to Think, Nancy Klein (Book)

Giving and Receiving FeedbackIn this section we look at giving and receiving feedback. Both mentors and mentees will need skills in this area as they will be expected to provide feedback for each other to ensure the


BEHAVIOUR


mentoring relationship works well. In addition, it is a key part of developing ourselves and others.

‘Feedback’ in general describes what happens when the outputs of a system are fed back in to the input end. For example, the autopilot on a plane is set to hold a certain course. If it detects the plane going off that course (an output), it adjusts the controls (inputs) to bring it back on course. In the world of people, rather than machines, ‘feedback’ is often served up in an amorphous soup of comment, criticism, judgement and unhelpful suggestions.

Effective feedback occurs when people accept insight into their actions and the consequences of them, and when the input of someone else highlighting the difference between the intended and the actual result provides an impetus for positive change. The challenge is to do this in a way that genuinely helps the other person and is acceptable to them. So constructive feedback offers someone the possibility to learn and develop, what was successful can be reinforced, repeated and further improved, and any problem areas can be highlighted and avoided in the future.

Most of us have some ‘blind spots’ about our behaviours, skills and abilities. We are not always aware of the impact we have on others, and good, honest feedback, well delivered, not only helps all of us but builds and enhances relationships.

A useful definition for feedback at work is:

“Relevant information that increases someone’s awareness and understanding and helps them make informed choices about what they do, or how they should behave.”

Some approaches to feedback are unquestionably counterproductive. Whilst we might expect that feedback conveying personal judgements is poorly received (“You are too impulsive,”) and that feedback fails completely when people receiving it feel insulted, demoralised, blamed or rejected, it is as well to be aware that feedback based on different values, ideals or goals to that of the other person will not succeed, and that generalised praise (rather than praise attributed to specific actions) usually fails, and can be seen as patronising. (Hewson MG, Little ML. Giving feedback in medical education: verification of recommended techniques. 1998)

In much of medical education, Pendleton's rules have been adopted as the conventional method of feedback. Slightly re-worded for our context of Mentoring, they are:

1. Check that the other person wants feedback and that now is the right time.2. Let them comment or give the background to whatever is being discussed.3. Have them say what they did well.4. You say what was done well.5. Have them say what could be improved.6. You say how it could be improved.7. Make an action plan for improvement together.



In a Mentoring relationship it may well be that you are asked to give feedback about an incident, (a conversation, a meeting or anything else the mentee has been involved in) where you were not present. In that case your feedback cannot be entirely objective since you are relying on the mentee’s account for all of the information. In these circumstances you may be able to advise from your own experience on what may not have gone as the mentee intended, but it may be that taking a coaching approach (ask the mentee through open questions to think about what they would do differently) to elicit the Mentee’s own thoughts and insights may be more helpful.

In general feedback works well when the intention of the feedback giver is first and foremost to help the other person, and the feedback giver has the courage to convey the message without ‘sugaring the pill’ too much. Here are some good rules to follow:

Speak honestly Be specific Keep it timely – very soon after any specific incident Be objective – feedback information on behaviour not on personality, attitude or

character Focus on what is missing, rather than what is wrong. Praise and acknowledge generously, but don’t flatter Present feedback as an opportunity Don’t give negative comments, be constructive – create alternatives.

The OSCAR ModelThe OSCAR Model is a good way to make sure that a feedback conversation stays on track. It stands for:

Observe Specific Consequences Ask Reasons

Here it is in a little more detail:

Observe: Note what you are seeing and hearing from the other person during the conversation and in particular ‘listen’ for what is not being said. Work out what you already know that will help the other person and what you still need to find out.



Specific: Feedback about specific actions or behaviours, not your judgements about them. This also includes ‘time-binding’ your statements – be clear and specific about when something happened. As far as possible it is best to avoid generalisations whenever you can.

Consequences: Explain the consequences of their behaviours or actions so that they understand the impact those things have on others, and how they might rebound.

Ask: Ask open questions to find out more. This may help them understand more about what is driving their behaviour, and therefore how to change it most easily. Try to do this in a spirit of ‘appreciative inquiry,’ that is recognising the best in other people, building on strengths and focussing on what is working. In doing this you will also find out if they agree with you, what they think about making any changes you are suggesting, and much more.

Reasons: Either give your own reasons or, by asking good questions, get the person to think about their own reasons for wanting to take the feedback on board and change their actions or behaviour.

Example:

Mo’s manager has noticed him coming in late to work and is irritated that this is happening. He thinks it is because Mo just does not like doing what he is asked and is out too much. He notes his judgements and works out the specific behaviours i.e. what specifically Mo is doing.

Manager: Mo I wanted to talk to you about the time you arrive into work. I notice that you have been coming in at 10.15 most days when the team starts at 10am. It makes it harder to get everyone in on time and this can have an effect on the day e.g. having team meetings or getting back to people at the beginning of the day.

What are your thoughts? Or what are the reasons?

Mo: I know the trains have been really bad recently and I do always stay later if I am in later.

Manager: I know you do stay later and can appreciate that the Northern Line is not that reliable. I want you to get in most days at 10am for the reasons I have given. What would it take or what would you have to do to do this.

Mo, I suppose I could leave earlier (sigh).

Manager: You do not sound that convinced. What could you get out of coming in on time?

Mo: You are right I do hate getting up in the morning but when I do get in early I get through more and could leave earlier which would mean more time for myself later in the day.

Manager: So, though it may be hard at the beginning of the day it could mean you do more that you enjoy later. Let’s catch up to see how it is going next week. Thanks.



FeedforwardThe concept of ‘Feedforward’ was created and popularised by American leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith. Instead of teaching people to ask for, and accept, feedback, Goldsmith experimented with having people name an area in which they wanted to improve and ask others for feedforward – that is, suggestions for the future, and then to listen and to learn as much as they could. The results were dramatic. Reactions to the exercise were almost universally positive with people using words such as “great”, “energising”, “useful”, or “helpful” to describe the experience.

Feedforward works because:

We can change the future, we can’t change the past. It is more productive to help people learn to be “right,” than prove they were “wrong.” People do not take feedforward as personally as feedback. Feedforward can cover almost all of the same “material” as feedback. Feedforward tends to be much faster and more efficient than feedback. People tend to listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback.

Because of the point made above that in mentoring relationships Mentors are often asked for ‘feedback’ about a situation they have not seen first-hand, feedforward is an extremely useful tool. It enables Mentors to say: “Because I wasn’t there, I can’t really comment on that situation specifically, but next time you might try …”

Try Feedforward Instead of FeedbackAdapted from Leader to Leader by Marshall Goldsmith

If you prefer to watch Marshall explain this himself go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFX74GIxca4

“Providing feedback has long been considered to be an essential skill for leaders. As they strive to achieve the goals of the organization, employees need to know how they are doing. They need to know if their performance is in line with what their leaders expect. They need to learn what they have done well and what they need to change. Traditionally, this information has been communicated in the form of “downward feedback” from leaders to their employees. Just as employees need feedback from leaders, leaders can benefit from feedback from their employees. Employees can provide useful input on the effectiveness of procedures and processes and as well as input to managers on their leadership effectiveness. This “upward feedback” has become increasingly common with the advent of 360-degree multi-rater assessments.

But there is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: it focuses on the past, on what


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFX74GIxca4



has already occurred – not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future. As such, feedback can be limited and static, as opposed to expansive and dynamic.

Over the past several years, I have observed more than thirty thousand leaders as they participated in a fascinating experiential exercise. In the exercise, participants are each asked to play two roles. In one role, they are asked to provide feedforward – that is, to give someone else suggestions for the future and help as much as they can. In the second role, they are asked to accept feedforward – that is, to listen to the suggestions for the future and learn as much as they can. The exercise typically lasts for 10-15 minutes, and the average participant has 6-7 dialogue sessions. In the exercise participants are asked to:

Pick one behaviour that they would like to change. Change in this behaviour should make a significant, positive difference in their lives. Describe this behaviour to randomly selected fellow participants. This is done in one-on-one dialogues. It can be done quite simply, such as, “I want to be a better listener.”

Ask for feedforward – for two suggestions for the future that might help them achieve a positive change in their selected behaviour. If participants have worked together in the past, they are not allowed to give ANY feedback about the past. They are only allowed to give ideas for the future.

Listen attentively to the suggestions and take notes. Participants are not allowed to comment on the suggestions in any way. They are not allowed to critique the suggestions or even to make positive judgmental statements, such as, “That’s a good idea.”

Thank the other participants for their suggestions.

Ask the other person what they would like to change.

Provide feedforward - two suggestions aimed at helping the other person change

Say, “You are welcome.” when thanked for the suggestions. The entire process of both giving and receiving feedforward usually takes about two minutes

Find another participant and keep repeating the process until the exercise is stopped.

When the exercise is finished, I ask participants to provide one word that best describes their reaction to this experience. I ask them to complete the sentence, “This exercise was …” The words provided are almost always extremely positive, such as “great”, “energizing”, “useful”, or “helpful.” One of the most commonly-mentioned words is “fun!”

What is the last word that comes to mind when we consider any feedback activity? Fun!



Eleven Reasons to Try FeedForwardParticipants are then asked why this exercise is seen as fun and helpful as opposed to painful, embarrassing, or uncomfortable. Their answers provide a great explanation of why feedforward can often be more useful than feedback as a developmental tool.

1. We can change the future. We can’t change the past. Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past. Athletes are often trained using feedforward. Race car drivers are taught to, “Look at the road ahead, not at the wall.” Basketball players are taught to envision the ball going in the hoop and to imagine the perfect shot. By giving people ideas on how they can be even more successful (as opposed to visualizing a failed past), we can increase their chances of achieving this success in the future

2. It can be more productive to help people learn to be “right,” than prove they were “wrong.” Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in “let me prove you were wrong.” This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender. Even constructively delivered feedback is often seen as negative as it necessarily involves a discussion of mistakes, shortfalls, and problems. Feedforward, on the other hand, is almost always seen as positive because it focuses on solutions – not problems

3. Feedforward is especially suited to successful people. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals. They tend to resist negative judgment. We all tend to accept feedback that is consistent with the way we see ourselves. We also tend to reject or deny feedback that is inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. Successful people tend to have a very positive self-image. I have observed many successful executives respond to (and even enjoy) feedforward. I am not sure that these same people would have had such a positive reaction to feedback

4. Feedforward can come from anyone who knows about the task. It does not require personal experience with the individual. One very common positive reaction to the previously described exercise is that participants are amazed by how much they can learn from people that they don’t know! For example, if you want to be a better listener, almost any fellow leader can give you ideas on how you can improve. They don’t have to know you. Feedback requires knowing about the person. Feedforward just requires having good ideas for achieving the task

5. People do not take feedforward as personally as feedback. In theory, constructive feedback is supposed to “focus on the performance, not the person”. In practice, almost all feedback is taken personally (no matter how it is delivered). Successful people’s sense of identity is highly connected with their work. The more successful people are, the more this tends to be true. It is hard to give a dedicated professional feedback that



is not taken personally. Feedforward cannot involve a personal critique, since it is discussing something that has not yet happened! Positive suggestions tend to be seen as objective advice – personal critiques are often viewed as personal attacks

6. Feedback can reinforce personal stereotyping and negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Feedforward can reinforce the possibility of change. Feedback can reinforce the feeling of failure. How many of us have been “helped” by a spouse, significant other, or friend, who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous “sins” that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings. Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, “this is just the way you are”. Feedforward is based on the assumption that the receiver of suggestions can make positive changes in the future

7. Face it! Most of us hate getting negative feedback, and we don’t like to give it. I have reviewed summary 360-degree feedback reports for over 50 companies. The items, “provides developmental feedback in a timely manner” and “encourages and accepts constructive criticism” both always score near the bottom on co-worker satisfaction with leaders. Traditional training does not seem to make a great deal of difference. If leaders got better at providing feedback every time the performance appraisal forms were “improved”, most should be perfect by now! Leaders are not very good at giving or receiving negative feedback. It is unlikely that this will change in the near future

8. Feedforward can cover almost all of the same “material” as feedback. Imagine that you have just made a terrible presentation in front of the executive committee. Your manager is in the room. Rather than make you “relive” this humiliating experience, your manager might help you prepare for future presentations by giving you suggestions for the future. These suggestions can be very specific and still delivered in a positive way. In this way your manager can “cover the same points” without feeling embarrassed and without making you feel even more humiliated.

9. Feedforward tends to be much faster and more efficient than feedback. An excellent technique for giving ideas to successful people is to say, “Here are four ideas for the future. Please accept these in the positive spirit that they are given. If you can only use two of the ideas, you are still two ahead. Just ignore what doesn’t make sense for you.” With this approach almost no time gets wasted on judging the quality of the ideas or “proving that the ideas are wrong”. This “debate” time is usually negative; it can take up a lot of time, and it is often not very productive. By eliminating judgment of the ideas, the process becomes much more positive for the sender, as well as the receiver. Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination and will tend to accept ideas that they “buy” while rejecting ideas that feel “forced” upon them.

10. Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with managers, peers, and team members. Rightly or wrongly, feedback is associated with judgment. This can lead to very negative – or even career-limiting – unintended consequences when applied to managers or peers. Feedforward does not imply superiority of judgment. It is more focused on being a helpful “fellow traveller” than an “expert”. As such it can be easier to hear from a



person who is not in a position of power or authority. An excellent team building exercise is to have each team member ask, “How can I better help our team in the future?” and listen to feedforward from fellow team members (in one-on-one dialogues.)

11. People tend to listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback. One participant in the feedforward exercise noted, “I think that I listened more effectively in this exercise than I ever do at work!” When asked why, he responded, “Normally, when others are speaking, I am so busy composing a reply that will make sure that I sound smart – that I am not fully listening to what the other person is saying I am just composing my response. In feedforward the only reply that I am allowed to make is ‘thank you’. Since I don’t have to worry about composing a clever reply – I can focus all of my energy on listening to the other person!”

In summary, the intent of this article is not to imply that leaders should never give feedback or that performance appraisals should be abandoned. The intent is to show how feedforward can often be preferable to feedback in day-to-day interactions. Aside from its effectiveness and efficiency, feedforward can make life a lot more enjoyable. When managers are asked, “How did you feel the last time you received feedback?” their most common responses are very negative. When managers are asked how they felt after receiving feedforward, they reply that feedforward was not only useful, it was also fun!”

Quality communication – between and among people at all levels and every department and division – is the glue that holds organizations together. By using feedforward – and by encouraging others to use it – leaders can dramatically improve the quality of communication in their organizations, ensuring that the right message is conveyed, and that those who receive it are receptive to its content. The result is a much more dynamic, much more open organization – one whose employees focus on the promise of the future rather than dwelling on the mistakes of the past.

Dr. Marshall Goldsmith was recently named winner of the Thinkers50 Leadership Award (sponsored by Harvard Business Review) as the world's most influential leadership thinker. Along with being recognized as the #1 leadership thinker, Marshall was listed as the #7 greatest business thinker in the world.

Giving positive feedbackOddly people often find giving positive feedback difficult for a whole host of reasons; people worry it will sound insincere, they feel uncomfortable, it is someone’s job so why do you need to give positive feedback etc. There is a body of research that shows that people (and children)



flourish when given positive feedback; it helps them deal with constructive feedback and if they are not given positive feedback they can behave badly as any attention is better than none.

Giving positive feedback should be done using specifics in the same way as constructive feedback. The reason for this is that

A) you want to reinforce the behaviours that are positive e.g. if someone presented well rather than saying your presentation was really good you should say your presentation went really well and people gave positive feedback. The structure and content of your presentation was clear, interesting and was tailored to the audience plus the videos that were interspersed made it engaging and reinforced the key points you were wanting to convey.

B) Often people do not hear positive feedback or think you are just being nice if it is not specific so rather than saying to someone I think you are a really good manager say I think you are a really good manager because your people always say how well you communicate to them and keep them involved in key decisions, they all seem motivated and are clear about what a good job looks like, what they need to do to move on and all have clear plans to get there.

They say it takes 10 pieces of positive feedback to negate the effects of constructive feedback. The more positive feedback people have in their banks the more likely they are to be open to constructive feedback.

Receiving Feedback:Here are some tips for receiving feedback:

Listen carefully.

Monitor your emotional reaction (i.e. have you been triggered, are your negative beliefs being activated).

Don’t generalise or take the feedback as a sign that you are always incompetent.

Ask for more information to ensure you fully understand the feedback.

Say what you do or don’t agree with (if this is appropriate).

Say what you will do differently.

Admit what you are feeling about the feedback if appropriate.

Say thanks if it is positive feedback.

Resources Dc Marshall Goldsmith’s presentation on Feedforward (YouTube)





The Art and Science to Giving and Receiving Criticism at Work, Fast Company (Article) https://www.fastcompany.com/3039412/the-art-science-to-giving-and-receiving-criticism-at-work


https://www.fastcompany.com/3039412/the-art-science-to-giving-and-receiving-criticism-at-work



Maximising your DevelopmentTo develop ourselves and others effectively it is helpful to understand our preferences in how we learn. In this section you will learn more about the different learning styles, how to define your learning preferences and how to better plan your learning interventions. It can be used to develop others or for self-development.

Learning styles: Honey and Mumford

We all have preferences in the way we learn. Understanding these can be helpful to help us find learning opportunities that work best for us or for the people we are developing (our mentees, coaches, direct reports etc.).

Do the learning styles questionnaire to establish your learning preferences and then read more about the different styles and how you can tailor learning opportunities to work best for you. You can use this tool to also helps others work this out.

There are no right or wrong answers. All the learning styles are preferences and the best scenario is that we all learn to do a bit of all the styles but focus on what we do most naturally and find most rewarding.

Learning QuestionnaireThere is no time limit to this questionnaire, it will probably take 10-15 minutes. The accuracy of the results depends on how honest you can be. There are no right or wrong answers. If you agree more than you disagree with a statement put a tick by it. If you disagree more than you agree put a cross by it:



Be sure to mark each item with either a tick or a cross:

1) I have strong beliefs about what is right and wrong, good and bad.

2) I often act without considering the possible consequences.

3) I tend to solve problems using a step by step approach.

4) I believe that formal procedures and policies restrict people.

5) I have a reputation for saying what I think, simply and directly.

6) I often find that actions based on feelings are as sound as those based on

careful thought and analysis.

7) I like the sort of work where I have time for thorough preparation and

implementation.

8) I regularly question people about their basic assumptions.

9) What matters most is whether something works in practice.

10) I actively seek out new experiences.

11) When I hear about a new idea or approach I immediately start working out

how to apply it in practice.

12) I am keen on self-discipline such as watching my diet, taking regular exercise,

sticking to a fixed routine, etc.

13) I take pride in doing a thorough job.

14) I get on best with logical, analytical people and less well with spontaneous

“irrational” people.

15) I take care over the interpretation of data available to me and avoid jumping

to conclusions.

16) I like to reach a decision carefully weighing up many alternatives.



17) I’m attracted more to novel, unusual ideas than to practical ones.

18)I don’t like disorganising things and prefer to fit things into a coherent pattern.

19) I accept and stick to laid down procedures and policies so long as I regard

them as an efficient way of getting the job done.

20) I like to relate my actions to general principles.

21) In discussions I like to get straight to the point.

22) I tend to have distant, rather formal relationships with people at work.

23) I thrive on the challenge of tackling something new and different.

24) I enjoy fun loving, spontaneous people.

25) I pay meticulous attention to detail before coming to a conclusion.

26) I find it difficult to produce ideas on impulse.

27) I believe in coming to the point immediately.

28) I am careful not to jump to conclusions too quickly.

29) I prefer to have as many sources of information as possible; the more the

better.

30) Flippant people who don’t take things seriously enough usually irritate me.

31) I listen to other people’s point of view before putting my own forward.

32) I tend to be open about how I’m feeling.

33) In discussions I enjoy watching the manoeuvrings of the other participants.

34) I prefer to respond to events on a spontaneous, flexible basis rather than plan

things out in advance.



35) I tend to be attracted to techniques such as network analysis, flow charts,

branching programmes, contingency planning etc.

36) It worries me if I have to rush out a piece of work to meet a tight deadline.

37) I tend to judge people’s ideas on their practical merits.

38) Quiet, thoughtful people tend to make me feel uneasy.

39) I often get irritated by people who want to rush things.

40) It is more important to enjoy the present moment than to think about the

past or the future.

41) I think that decisions based on thorough analysis of all the information are

sounder than those based on intuition.

42) I tend to be a perfectionist.

43) In discussions I usually produce lots of spontaneous ideas.

44) In meetings I put forward practical realistic ideas.

45) More often than not, rules are there to be broken.

46) I prefer to stand back from a situation and consider all the perspectives.

47) I can often see inconsistencies and weaknesses in other people’s arguments.

48) On balance I talk more than I listen.

49) I can often see better, more practical ways to get things done.

50) I think written reports should be short and to the point.

51) I believe that rational, logical thinking should win the day.

52) I tend to discuss specific things with people rather than engaging in social

discussion.



53) I like people who approach things realistically rather than theoretically.

54) In discussions I get impatient with irrelevancies and digressions.

55) If I have a report to write I tend to produce lots of drafts before settling on

the final version.

56) I am keen to try things out to see if they work in practice.

57) I am keen to reach answers via a logical approach.

58) I enjoy being the one that talks a lot.

59) In discussions I often find I am the realist, keeping people to the point and

avoiding wild speculations.

60) I like to ponder many alternatives before making up my mind.

61) In discussions with people I often find I am the most dispassionate and

objective.

62) In discussions I’m more likely to adopt a low profile than to take the lead and

do most of the talking.

63) I like to be able to relate current actions to a longer-term picture.

64) When things go wrong I am happy to shrug it off and put it down to

experience.

65) I tend to reject wild, spontaneous ideas as being impractical.

66) It’s best to think carefully before taking action.

67) On balance I do the listening rather than the talking.

68) I tend to be tough on people who find it difficult to adopt a logical approach.

69) Most times I believe the end justifies the means.

70) I don’t mind hurting people’s feelings so long as the job gets done.



71) I find the formality of having specific objectives and plans stifling.

72) I’m usually one of the people who puts life into a party.

73) I do whatever is expedient to get the job done.

74) I quickly get bored with methodical, detailed work.

75) I am keen on exploring the basic assumptions, principles and theories.

76) I am always interested to find out what people think.

77) I like meetings to be run on methodical lines, sticking to laid down agendas

etc.

78) I steer clear of subjective or ambiguous topics.

79) I enjoy the drama and excitement of a crisis situation.

80) People often find me insensitive to their feelings.



Scoring the Learning Style QuestionnaireFor each tick circle the appropriate number and total the columns

246

1017232432343840434548586471727479

713151625282931333639414652556062666776

138

1214182022263042475157616368757778

59

111921273537444950535456596569707380

Total: Total: Total: Total:Activists are people who learn by doing. They like to involve themselves in new experiences and will ‘try anything once’. They tend to act first and consider the consequences afterwards.

Reflectors learn by observing and thinking about what happened. They like to consider all the possible angles and implications before coming to a considered opinion. They spend time listening and observing and tend to be cautious and thoughtful.

Theorists like to understand the theory behind the actions. They need models, concepts and facts in order to learn. They like to analyse and synthesise and feel uncomfortable with subjective judgements.

Pragmatists are keen on trying things out. They look for new ideas that can be applied to the problem in hand. They like to get on with things and tend to be impatient with open-ended discussions; they are practical, down-to- earth people.



Based on 1302 people you have a very strong preference if you score the following:

Activist Reflector Theorist PragmatistScored 13-20 Scored 18-20 Scored 16-20 Scored 17-20 Very strong

preference Scored 11-12 Scored 15-17 Scored 14-15 Scored 15-16 Strong

preferenceScored 7-10 Scored 12-14 Scored 11-13 Scored 12-14 Moderate

preferenceScored 5-6 Scored 9-11 Scored 8-10 Scored 9-11 Low preference Scored 0-4 Scored 0-8 Scored 0-7 Scored 0-8 Very low

preference

Activists learn best where: There are new experiences, problems and opportunities from which to learn. They can engross themselves in short here and now activities such as business games,

competitive teamwork tasks, and role-playing exercises. There is excitement, drama, crisis and things chop and change with a range of diverse

activities to tackle. They have a lot of the limelight and high visibility, i.e. they can chair the meeting, lead

the discussions, give presentations etc. They are allowed to generate ideas without constraints of policy or structure or

feasibility. They are thrown in at the deep end with a task they think is difficult, i.e. bouncing ideas

off them, solving problems as part of a team. It is appropriate to have a go.

Reflectors learn best where: They are allowed or encouraged to watch/think/chew over activities. They are able to stand back from events and listen/observe, i.e. observing a group at

work, taking a back seat in a meeting, watching a film or a video. They are allowed to think before acting, to assimilate before commenting, i.e. time to

prepare, a chance to read in advance background information. They can carry out intricate research, i.e. investigate, assemble information, probe to get

to the bottom of things. They have the opportunity to review what has happened and what they have learnt. They are asked to produce carefully considered analyses and reports. They are helped to exchange views with other people without danger i.e. by prior

agreement, within a structured learning experience. They can reach a decision in their own time without pressure or tight deadlines.



Theorists learn best where: What is being offered is part of a system, model, concept or theory. They have the chance to question and probe the basic methodology, assumptions or

logic behind something i.e. by checking a paper for inconsistencies. They are intellectually stretched, i.e. by analysing a complex situation, being tested in a

tutorial session, by teaching high calibre people who ask searching questions. They are in structured situations with a clear purpose. They can listen to or read about ideas and concepts that emphasise rationality or logic

and which are well argued, elegant or watertight. They can analyse and then generalise the reasons for success or failure. They are offered interesting ideas and concepts even though they are not immediately

relevant. They are required to understand and participate in complex situations.

Pragmatists learn best where: There is an obvious link between the subject matter and a problem or opportunity on

the job. They are shown techniques for doing things with obvious practical advantages, i.e. how

to save time, how to make a good first impression, how to deal with awkward people. They have the chance to try out and practice techniques with coaching/feedback from a

credible expert. They are exposed to a model they can emulate e.g. a respected boss, a demonstration, a

film showing how it is done. They are given techniques they can apply to their job. They are given immediate opportunities to implement what they have learnt. The exercises are true to life e.g. they relate to their work. They can concentrate on practical issues e.g. drawing up actions plans with an obvious

end product or result.

Learning through Understanding More about BehaviourOften when we cannot do something, start the learning process or make a mistake we can self-flagellate or become very critical. This stops us understanding what has happened which can help inform what we do differently next time. If we do not know something or have not done it before then we cannot know what to do.

A key part of mentoring is about becoming really curious about our development areas, gaps and the mistakes we make in a non-critical way. This will be at the heart of a good mentoring relationship.

Here are some questions you can ask people to help them understand more about what is driving their behaviour. For example, they hand in a piece of work late.



What could you have done differently? What factors caused this to happen? How could you prevent this happening in the future? What do you need to learn or find out about to prevent this?

Your mentor will help you become curious non-judgemental detectives not your harshest critics.

Resources An exhaustive review and resources to many different learning style diagnostic tools,

https://www.thoughtco.com/learning-styles-tests-and-inventories-31468



Social StylesIn this section we describe the different social styles; how we interact with others and our preferences in how we communicate and work. It will help to build self-awareness in mentors and mentees by defining their social preferences and provide ideas about how to influence and build relationships with others. Also, you can use the social styles questionnaire to help inform how to work best together in a coaching or mentoring relationship.

One thing we can all agree on is that people are different. Many ways of defining those differences have been developed but one particularly useful one for dealing with other people in the workplace was researched by two psychologists, David Merrill and Roger Reid, who wanted to understand whether they could predict managerial and leadership performance. To do this, they explored how people behave in social situations. They chose not to concern themselves with why people behave as they do. The model was later popularized by Robert and Dorothy Bolton and is sometimes referred to as ‘Bolton and Bolton’.

Social Styles forms a way of looking at people that focuses on our outer behaviour, rather than the inner person. Its founders described it as ‘the you that’s on display’. Starting with BF Skinner’s ideas of behaviourism and James Taylor’s structured list of behavioural descriptions, Merrill and Reid discovered that people’s behaviour can be mapped onto two dimensions, which they labelled: assertiveness and responsiveness. Assertiveness is the way in which a person is perceived as attempting to influence the thoughts and actions of others, whilst our Responsiveness is the way in which we are perceived as expressing feelings when relating to others. From these two dimensions, they defined four behavioural styles that we each display. As with other models, we each have our preferences, but can display all of the styles from time to time. The value of the model lies in learning to spot the Social Style other people are presenting and knowing how to get the best from people presenting each of the four Styles.

Personality and BehaviourResponsiveness and Assertiveness may be to some extent personality traits. Personality traits are usually fairly well defined by the age of about six and are generally difficult to change. So, for example if someone generally gets their energy and their ideas from being around other people we are likely to see them as an Extravert personality, even though they may on occasion like to spend time thinking alone. Extraversion or Introversion are examples of traits which are difficult to change - without major trauma or therapy!

To some extent the degree to which any of us is responsive to others or assertive with others may be changed by training or affected by other things in our lives. So, for the purposes of this model it is simpler to work with observation. Rather than saying “Mia is an Amiable” it will help



us be more accurate if we phrase sentiments such as “I see Mia behaving mostly like an Amiable”. In other words, we stick to describing Mia’s behaviour, as we see it.

Indicators of AssertivenessIndicator Less Assertive More AssertiveAmount of talkingRate of speakingVolumeMovementEnergyPostureForceful gestures

LessSlowerSofterLess, softerLessLeaning backLess

MoreFasterLouderMore, fasterMoreLeaning forwardMore

In a nutshell, more assertive people are characterised by three words: MORE – FASTER- LOUDER; less assertive people by the words LESS – SLOWER – SOFTER. More assertive people are sometimes characterised as having a ‘Tell’ style, while less assertive people spend more time in ‘Ask’.

Indicators of Responsiveness

Indicator Less Responsive More ResponsiveFacial animationVoice modulationFlowing gesturesOpenness

LessLessLessLess

MoreMoreMoreMore

In general, whether you are looking at facial expressions, voice or gestures more responsive people tend to use MORE VARIETY and show MORE ANIMATION. Less responsive people tend to use LESS VARIETY and show LESS ANIMATION. More responsive people tend to show their feelings more, people at the less responsive end of the scale tend to control their emotions more.

Self-assessment1. In the table below, identify the behaviours in terms of how characteristic of you they are. In each row assign 4 points to the behaviour that is most characteristic of you; assign 3 points to the next most characteristic behaviour, then 2, and finally 1 point to the behaviour that is least characteristic of you

Example: 3 Directing 4 Influencing 1 Steady 2 Cautious



2. Total the numbers in each of the four columns. (As a check, when all four columns are added together, they should equal 50.)

The column with the highest score indicates your preferred Social Style.



So …

If your highest column total is under column 1, you probably behave predominantly like a Driver.

If your highest column total is under column 2, you probably behave predominantly like an Expressive.

If your highest column total is under column 3, you probably behave predominantly like an Amiable.

If your highest column total is under column 4, you probably behave predominantly like an Analytical.

Drivers tend to: Measure success in terms of tangible results. Work to shape their world in order to achieve their goals. Focus on task – and getting it done. Rely on control and dominance for security. Make judgements based on likely benefit and risk. Dislike emotional issues. Be independent and strong willed. Seem cool, calculating and competitive in pursuit of their goals. Enjoy challenge, welcome having authority. Be impatient with slower paced people. Be at their best working alone – and not good team players. Be entrepreneurial, with a strong preference for action. Like to be in control. Need to see results.

Analyticals tend to: Dislike change and personal attention. Measure achievement by precision and accuracy. Want the detail. See task as a priority, with method and detail vital. Be serious, orderly, persistent and cautious. Set high standards for themselves and others. Prefer to work alone and like organisational structures. Keep work spaces neat and tidy. Use charts and graphs a lot. Keep lists. Like mementoes of past achievements.



Want to think about things

Amiables tend to: Place emphasis on relationships. Like getting to know people and building trust. Measure their personal worth by the responses they get from others. Like to support others by listening, being warm and accepting. Be switched off by pushy or aggressive behaviour. Be steady, agreeable and calm. Like informality. Be slow and relaxed in movement. Make decisions only after careful consideration. Want little change and seek security and appreciation. Want to maintain and strengthen relationships. Be anxious that a wrong decision might expose them to criticism. Have family or group photographs and personal items near at hand. Be informal and welcoming. Make others feel relaxed.

Expressives tend to: Measure personal status by acknowledgement and recognition from others. Be fast paced in manner, but place emphasis on relationships. Seek person to person situations and like to join in. Like to be the centre of attention. See themselves as visionaries. Be enthusiastic and optimistic – and charismatic in leadership. Not like detail. Be disorganised, and sometimes impractical. Jump to conclusions. Like storytelling. Go for friendly open environments. Work in clutter. Like personal achievement awards and motivational slogans. Need spontaneity.

Using Social Styles1. Identify - your style and practice recognising other people’s2. Flex your behaviours and approaches towards other people’s styles – just act a little

more as they do.3. Try using different behaviours and approaches with people, see what the effects are and

make ‘mid-course corrections’ if needed.4. Review – what worked, what didn’t and why.



Influencing people displaying each of the Social StylesHere are some hints and tips for getting the best out of people displaying each of the styles:

Influencing people displaying a Driver style

Use a fast and decisive speaking style Be assertive, well briefed and succinct Offer a range of options giving them the choice Frame proposals so that by agreeing, they will move towards their goals and enhance

their control Have a one page summary of your idea with back-up material separately Know the risks and benefits Be professional, business-like and efficient Stick to the facts, focus on bottom line results and benefits Avoid qualifiers in speech (‘perhaps’, ‘might’, ‘maybe’) Push for a decision on the spot.

Influencing people displaying an Analytical style

Don’t be over friendly, respect their need for personal space Be formal, logical and to the point in presentation Speak slowly and deliberately Present logically - they will need to be able to justify supporting you, and that means

logic Make sure your proposal will work in practice and that it will enhance their credibility Expect questions and deliberation Be specific and detailed in reply Cover both sides of the issue to show that you have done your homework Do not expect an immediate decision

Influencing people displaying an Amiable style

Give them your full attention Talk slowly and easily, be warm, likeable and informal Focus on the positive, and how your proposal will show them in a good light with others. Offer reassurances and guarantees Involve them – ask for their contribution Be patient and give them time Get to know them, allow them to know you, and build trust.



Influencing people displaying an Expressive style

Match their style – formal or informal Be friendly, maintain a fast, spontaneous style of speech Be lively, stimulating and energetic Frame proposals that will enhance their status Present boldly, focus on originality and imaginativeness Provide examples and especially testimonials Stimulate and excite them with your ideas Allow them time to talk, link their ideas to yours and your ideas to their goals and

ambitions Press for a decision on the spot – ideally when they are most enthusiastic.

The most challenging relationships are usually those that are diagonally opposite in the diagram. But clashes can occur when two people have the same style to a strong degree. So, two Driving Styles may tip rapidly into conflict, each convinced they are right, two Analyticals may disappear into the detail, each deeply afraid of getting it wrong by not checking enough. Two Amiable Styles may focus so much on the relationship that the task is forgotten, and two Expressives may jump to a right answer without checking its practicality, and then socialise to celebrate their success!

Back-up behaviours – Social Styles under stressWhen tension mounts, Drivers want to take control. Taking charge reduces personal tension but may be seen by others as autocratic. Analytical Styles will ease personal tension by withdrawing from the situation, which can be seen as opting out. Expressives way of reducing personal tension is to attack or confront, which can be seen as aggressive. Amiables reduce tension by acquiescing, or giving way, which can be seen as weak. These ‘back-up behaviours’ show up when people feel unable to act in their preferred style, because tension or stress is affecting them.

Resources For a quick overview of the Social Styles Model go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=wRBx8IkV-kQ&t=13s Or to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li4mCDH0eUE


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li4mCDH0eUE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRBx8IkV-kQ&t=13s



Situational LeadershipSituational Leadership is a model that helps develop people and can be used to help others or yourself. It is a useful tool to help mentees and coachees to work out what is needed to achieve their learning objectives. It also allows leaders, coaches and mentors to adapt their style to best meet the needs of the person they are managing/developing. This section explains the model, how to define development levels for tasks and learning objectives and how to adapt your leadership style to help people move to high performance.

Introduction to the ModelThe premise is that if people have the competence (the skills and behaviours) plus the commitment (motivation and confidence) to do a task then they can perform to the best of their abilities. Where there is a performance issue or development area, if you can identify what is not in place or needs building then you can move anyone through to high performance. It also is a tool that can be used with people, to involve them in the process of their development to help them take responsibility to move forward.

It is a non-judgemental way of thinking about performance or development areas and mostly if people want and there are the resources, then they can move to excellent levels of performance. See the model below.



2

Development LevelsCompetence

Ability to do a task or objectives. You will know when they have demonstrated they can do a task.

Transferable skills. This is the other skills they have that they bring to a task e.g. they are really good at solving issues which they have showed they have done on a previous task.

Questions to ask: What experience do you have of doing this task? What other experiences do you have that will help you with this task?

Commitment: Motivation: How motivated, interested or excited are they to do the task? Confidence: How well can they realistically assess their capabilities to do this task e.g. if

they have presented well previously they should know that they have this as a skill.

2 Ken Blanchard Situational Leadership



Questions to ask: How do you feel about doing this task? What will you get out of doing this task? How motivated/interested/enthusiastic are you about this task? How confident do you feel about doing this task?

D1 Low competenceHigh commitment

D2 Low competenceLow commitment

D3 Medium competence Variable commitment

D4 High competence High commitment

CharacteristicsHopefulInexperiencedCuriousUnskilledOptimisticExcitedEager Enthusiastic

DemotivatedNot performingOverwhelmedNot happyMay be stressed and anxious

Can be self-criticalCautiousTentativeIs performingLacks confidenceCan be bored or demotivated

ConfidentPerforming wellExpertAutonomousSelf-directedSelf-assured

NeedsClear goals and rolesTraining (step by step)Timelines and prioritiesExamplesFrequent feedback

Clear goals Frequent feedbackPraise for making progressOpportunities to discuss concerns and share feelingsEncouragementExplanation of the why

Support and encouragement to develop problem solving skillsPraise and recognitionHelp in looking at experience and skills objectively so confidence is built

Variety and challengeAutonomy and authorityTrustOpportunities to share knowledge and skills with others



Exercise: For your coachee, or mentee or yourself, ask yourself for any learning objective what is your competence (skill), what is your commitment (motivation and confidence) and therefore what is your development level (see the development levels above). Then see what you can do to build your competence and commitment (motivation/confidence).

Mentee/coachee objectives or area of development

What is your competence?What is your commitment?What is your Development Level?

How can you build your level of competence and motivation/confidence?

Delivering presentations on research paper

Competence: Low as never done previously however have done presentations as part of Uni. Course.Commitment: Low as really worried about it.Development Level: D2 as low competence and low commitment

Go on a training workshop, prepare presentation with input from colleague, practice in front of colleague, talk through what is causing the stress and how to minimise this, talk to colleague about how to manage nerves on day.

Leadership StylesTo be a successful and effective coach, mentor or leader you need to be able to adapt your leadership style based on the needs of the person. Dependant on where they are in terms of the Development levels will mean they need a different leadership style. E.g. if someone has never given a presentation before they will need much more input than if they have experience in this area but for example, they just want to increase their impact.

The 4 Leadership styles are based on Directive and Supportive behaviours. Directive behaviours build competence, skills and ability to do the job e.g. are more effective when people have low competence and Supportive behaviours build commitment, motivation and confidence e.g. are more effective when people have low commitment (motivation and confidence).



Directive Behaviours Sets goals and objectives Plans and organises work in advance Clarifies roles Teaches the person how to do a task Evaluates how the person has done Establishes a timeline for when work needs to be done Identifies priorities

Supportive Behaviours Listens and summarises what the person has said Praises and encourages Shares information about the organisation, goal or task Shares information about self where appropriate Gets person to come up with the answer or solution by asking open questions Ask the person what they think to get their input Provides the why for a task so the person understands the why.

Once you have identified the Development Level of a person then you can adopt the appropriate Leadership style. Keep in mind that when people move development levels you match them by moving leadership style.

If someone is a D1 on a task or an area of development you need to be in Leadership Style 1

If someone is a D2 on a task or area of development you need to be in Leadership Style 2

If someone is a D3 on a task or area of development you need to be in Leadership Style 3

If someone is a D4 on a task (technically you cannot be a D4 and it be an area of development) you need to be in Leadership Style 4

Leadership Styles

Leadership Style 1 Leadership Style 2 Leadership Style 3 Leadership Style 4High Direction Low SupportDefiningPlanning and prioritizingTeaching, showing and tellingChecking and monitoringGiving feedback

High Direction High SupportExploring and askingExplaining and clarifyingRedirectingSharing feedbackEncouragingPraising

Low Direction High SupportAsking and listeningReassuringCollaboratingAppreciatingEncouraging feedbackFacilitating others to solve problems

Low Direction Low SupportAllowing and trustingConfirmingEmpoweringAffirmingAcknowledgingChallenging



Resources Leadership and the One Minute Manager: Increasing Effectiveness Through Situational

Leadership II, Ken Blanchard (Book) To find more information about Situational Leadership go to

https://www.kenblanchard.com/Products-Services/Situational-Leadership-II



ResourcesThe GROW Model

Coaching for Performance, John Whitmore (Book) The Inner Game of Tennis, Timothy Gallwey (Book)

Career Conversations Here is a useful resource about managing networks:

https://www.fullcontact.com/blog/maintaining-relationships/ The Career Anchors tool can be used online here: www.careeranchorsonline.com or by

purchasing the self-assessment booklet, which is available from Amazon here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Career-Anchors-Changing-Careers-Assessment/dp/1118455762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529923019&sr=8-1&keywords=career+anchors or from other booksellers.

What Colour is My Parachute, Richard Bolles (Book) and online resource, http://www.jobhuntersbible.com

Work Life Balance Don’t Need Work Life Balance, Jeff Stibel (article) https://hbr.org/2012/04/work-life-

balance-is-overrated The Myth of Work Life Balance, John Beeson (article) https://hbr.org/2011/12/the-

myth-of-work-life-balance How to make Work Life Balance Work, Nigel Marsh (TED talk)


Managing Stress and Other Emotional Responses The Biology of our best and worst selves, Robert Sapolsky (TED talk)


Why you think you are right even when you are wrong, Julia Galef (TED talk) https://www.ted.com/talks/julia_galef_why_you_think_you_re_right_even_if_you_re_wrong

The Brain at Work, David Rock (Book) The Stress Proof Brain, Melanie Greenberg (Book) Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman (Book) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Action, Windy Dryden (Book)

Questioning and Listening Skills A More Beautiful Question, Warren Berger (Book) Time to Think, Nancy Klein (Book)










http://www.careeranchorsonline.com/



Giving and Receiving Feedback Dc Marshall Goldsmith’s presentation on Feedforward (YouTube)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFX74GIxca4 The Art and Science to Giving and Receiving Criticism at Work, Fast Company (Article)


How Different People Learn An exhaustive review and resources to many different learning style diagnostic tools,

https://www.thoughtco.com/learning-styles-tests-and-inventories-31468

Social Styles For a quick overview of the Social Styles Model go to https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=wRBx8IkV-kQ&t=13s Or to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li4mCDH0eUE

Situational Leadership Leadership and the One Minute Manager: Increasing Effectiveness Through Situational

Leadership II, Ken Blanchard (Book) To find more information about Situational Leadership go to

https://www.kenblanchard.com/Products-Services/Situational-Leadership-II


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=li4mCDH0eUE






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