coaches, mentors and the risk of ‘rescuer syndrome’ · the coaching kaleidoscope: insights from...
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Ideas for Leaders #240
Coaches, Mentors and the Risk of
‘Rescuer Syndrome’
Key Concept
Coaching and mentoring are increasingly seen as integral to effective
leadership development. Like all ‘therapeutic’ interventions, however, they
carry risks. Some executives are attracted to the mentoring role for
complicated personal reasons and may form ‘co-dependent’ relationships that
do more harm than good. Organizations need to take steps to protect mentors
and the people they’re trying to help from ‘rescuer syndrome’.
Idea Summary
As ambitious executives seek guidance, and senior executives realise the
importance of helping the people who work in their organizations reach their
full potential, the practice of leadership coaching and mentoring is becoming
mainstream.
Shared knowledge and experience can help people achieve their goals and
solve problems. Mentoring can add significant value to organizations,
improving everything from communication to technical know-how. It is not
without its risks, however. One of them is ‘rescuer syndrome’.
Some mentors will have complicated personal motives for wanting to help and
will be unable to differentiate between their own needs and those of the
people they are mentoring. This can foster an unhealthy and inappropriate
dependency relationship. While not an officially recognised disorder, rescuer
syndrome is a widely acknowledged phenomenon, and it can manifest itself in
a compulsive, almost addictive, need to help others.
Rescuers will feel unable to separate from those they are helping and will try
to prolong the mentoring relationship because it meets their own emotional
needs. They will find it very hard to accept that the ultimate goal of mentoring
is to make the mentor redundant and the ‘mentee’ more self-reliant.
The problem is usually compounded by lack of self-knowledge. Unlike
psychoanalysts, psychotherapists, counsellors and other clinical practitioners,
business mentors are not usually trained to prevent their own needs clouding
their relationships with ‘clients’. Rescuers may genuinely believe they are
acting in the interests of others and that their interventions are for the better.
As with most disorders, rescuer syndrome has a ‘spectrum’. Some people fall
into the role because of particular and/or temporary circumstances. In these
cases, there will usually be a crisis point, followed by a period of recovery,
during which the rescuer realises their mistake. For others, the problem is
more extreme, and manifests itself in repetitive and serial behaviour.
Authors
Kets de Vries, Manfred F. R.
Institutions
INSEAD
Source
INSEAD Knowledge
Idea conceived
October 2013
Idea posted
October 2013
DOI number
Subject
Emerging Leaders
Coaching
Executive Development
Mentoring
Psychology
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Unable to function in equal relationships, serial rescuers are constantly on the
look out for people who need to be helped and might make them feel better
about themselves. Their compulsion can do serious damage — to both others
and themselves. Serial rescuers may, for example, lose any sense of
‘boundaries’ and commit sexual transgressions. Or, martyrs to the mentoring
‘cause’, they may simply burn out. Exhausted from the continual effort of
having to meet other people’s expectations, they may lose sight of their
professional purpose and become tired or apathetic at work.
All this makes stopping or preventing rescuer syndrome essential for
organizations.
Business Application
Anyone who is struggling with personal or professional issues should remain
vigilant when their role includes helping or mentoring people and look out for
warning signs of rescuer behaviour. The following checklist provides a useful
reference:
Do you find it difficult to make time for yourself?
Do you find it hard to stop thinking about other people’s problems?
Do your colleagues and co-workers sometimes feel like family members?
Are you inclined to make decisions on behalf of someone who has asked for help?
Do you offer to help people who appear not to realise they have a problem?
Do you feel uncomfortable receiving help from other people?
The more often someone answers ‘yes’ to these questions, the higher the
risks of rescuer syndrome.
The challenge for organizations is helping people face up to and address the
problem of co-dependency. Once this initial hurdle has been crossed, there
will be several steps on the path to change.
Paradoxically, the helper will need to learn to be a bit more selfish and to put
their own needs first, rather than disguising them through rescuer behaviour.
They will also, if they are to continue in a mentoring role, need to learn to
think rationally, objectively and dispassionately so they can prevent their own
emotional health affecting those they aim to help.
Therapeutic support and peer interchange can be critical: mentors need to be
mentored; helpers helped.
Further Reading
Mentor or Martyr? Beware the Rescuer Trap. Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries. INSEAD
Knowledge (October 8, 2013).
Coach and Couch: The Psychology of Making Better Leaders. Manfred F. R. Kets de
Vries, Konstantin Korotov & Elizabeth Florent-Treacy. INSEAD Business Press (2007).
The Coaching Kaleidoscope: Insights from the Inside. Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries,
Laura Guillén & Konstantin Korotov. INSEAD Business Press (2010).
Tricky Coaching: Difficult Cases in Leadership Coaching. Konstantin Korotov, Manfred
Kets de Vries, Andreas Bernhardt & Elizabeth Florent-Treacy. INSEAD Business Press
(2011).
Further Relevant Resources
Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries’ profile at INSEAD
INSEAD Executive Education profile at IEDP
© Copyright IEDP Ideas for Leaders 2013
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