closing the gap. watch this!
TRANSCRIPT
CLOSING THE GAP
WHAT DID YOU LEARN?
HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO YOU?
HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO YOU?
1. I am a keen lepidopterist
HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO YOU?
1. I am a keen lepidopterist
2. I love drawing pretty pictures
HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO YOU?
1. I am a keen lepidopterist
2. I love drawing pretty pictures
3. I am determined to improve my writing
I SAW WONDERFUL EXAMPLES OF:① A variety of sentence openings being used within paragraphs e.g. subordinate
clauses, adverbial phrases which contributed to emphasis and effect
② Different narrative voices being used to show different characters
③ Original turns of phrase which demonstrated an appreciation of Doyle’s style
④ Super spelling (including ambitious, uncommon words)
⑤ TIPTOP paragraphs
⑥ Distinctive voice established through well judged detail, phrasing or plot
⑦ Effective punctuation: correct use of commas, speech-marks, semi-colons and/or apostrophes
⑧ Skillful control of the reader as the narrative voice revealed different feelings or events of the plot
Can you find any of these in your partner’s work? Underline what you have found and label it with the number.
① Sloppy spellings of common words e.g. their/there/they’re or to/too/two) or mis-spellings of complicated words (see PPT slide for clues)
② No TiPTOP paragraphs (this made me sob, Year 8, SOB!)
③ Narrative voice changes mid-paragraph which confuses the reader
④ The order of events makes it difficult for the reader to understand
⑤ Punctuation needs work: apostrophes, semi-colons, speech marks or apostrophes
⑥ Organisation of words/phrases within a sentence is confusing
⑦ Make sure clauses in complex sentences are clearly punctuated using commas
⑧ Phrases repeated instead of using pronouns e.g. someone was running over; he looked up to see who was running over
⑨ Lack of variety of sentence openings
⑩ Tense is not sustained which becomes confusing for the reader
Did you find any of these? Use the numbers to show what needs to be improved in the second draft. Be specific with No. 5.
s
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Level 6c Level 7c
bearing Definitely
completely
desperately