Clergy Training SessionClergy Training Session

Sexual Violence Sexual Violence and Our Church Familyand Our Church Family

Hope for Healing.OrgHope for Healing.Org

ObjectivesObjectives

Through this training you will:Through this training you will:

Understand the cycle of domestic Understand the cycle of domestic violence. violence.

Discover who it effects.Discover who it effects. Learn what you can do to help stop the Learn what you can do to help stop the

cycle within your congregation.cycle within your congregation.

What is domestic violence?What is domestic violence?

Also called Family Violence or DV, Also called Family Violence or DV, domestic violence is all forms of domestic violence is all forms of violence between 2 people who violence between 2 people who have a relationship or past have a relationship or past relationship with each other. relationship with each other.

Who are the victims?Who are the victims?

Domestic violence crosses all Domestic violence crosses all socioeconomic, racial, socioeconomic, racial, religious, ethnic and gender religious, ethnic and gender boundaries. Victims may be boundaries. Victims may be rich or poor, female or male, rich or poor, female or male, young or old, Christian or non-young or old, Christian or non-Christian. They may be any Christian. They may be any nationality or ethnicity and nationality or ethnicity and are found in all backgrounds are found in all backgrounds and professions. and professions.

In 2001, the Tennessee Bureau In 2001, the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation reported that of Investigation reported that 63,802 domestic violence 63,802 domestic violence incidents- incidents- including murder, including murder, assaults, and sexual offenses -assaults, and sexual offenses - occurred throughout the state occurred throughout the state of Tennessee. of Tennessee.

Source: Source:

TBI Crime in Tennessee 2001TBI Crime in Tennessee 2001

Nearly Nearly one-third of American one-third of American womenwomen report being physically report being physically or sexually abused by a or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. point in their lives.

Source: Family Violence Prevention Source: Family Violence Prevention FundFund

Approximately Approximately oneone in fivein five female high school students female high school students reports being physically and/or reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating sexually abused by a dating partner. partner.

Source: Source: TN Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual TN Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual

ViolenceViolence

Worldwide, at least Worldwide, at least one in one in every threeevery three women has been women has been beaten, coerced into sex or beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her otherwise abused during her lifetime. lifetime.

Source:Source:

Family Violence Prevention FundFamily Violence Prevention Fund

Men are victims too.Men are victims too. In 2001, men accounted for In 2001, men accounted for

approximately 15 percent of victims. approximately 15 percent of victims.

Source: Source: TN Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual TN Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual

ViolenceViolence

In 2003 – 2004, Due to limited In 2003 – 2004, Due to limited funding, 2,609 women, 1,028 funding, 2,609 women, 1,028 children, and 192 men were children, and 192 men were unableunable to be sheltered in to be sheltered in Tennessee. Tennessee.

Source:Source: Tennessee Department of Finance and Tennessee Department of Finance and

Administration Office of Criminal Administration Office of Criminal Justice Programs Family Violence Justice Programs Family Violence Shelter Services 2004 Annual Report.Shelter Services 2004 Annual Report.

Victims live, work, play and worship Victims live, work, play and worship like everyone else – except they like everyone else – except they live with the terrible knowledge of live with the terrible knowledge of having been victimized. having been victimized.

Some will seek help. Others will Some will seek help. Others will carry the abuse with them forever carry the abuse with them forever and never seek help. and never seek help.

What You Need to What You Need to KnowKnow

“I think everyoneknew he was beating

me. Nobody knewwhat to do.”

Rebecca

“When I lived with my husband, the only place he let me go without him was church.”

Elizabeth

“The day my church board voted to cancel my membership was the day

I knew God would never love me again.”

Ruthie

“The secret has been with me for 70 years. Now, I feel like someone might understand.”

Dot

““My father never hit my My father never hit my mother. She was the one mother. She was the one who hit. We were all afraid who hit. We were all afraid of her.” of her.”

DannyDanny

Are they in your congregation?Are they in your congregation?

These victims of domestic These victims of domestic violence are or were involved violence are or were involved with their local church. with their local church.

What You Need to Know: Domestic What You Need to Know: Domestic ViolenceViolence

Rarely is there one incidence of abuse Rarely is there one incidence of abuse in a domestic violence relationship. in a domestic violence relationship.

Domestic violence is an escalating Domestic violence is an escalating pattern where the abuser controls a pattern where the abuser controls a victim through emotional intimidation, victim through emotional intimidation, financial exploitation, physical or financial exploitation, physical or sexual abuse. sexual abuse.

Domestic Violence: The CycleDomestic Violence: The Cycle

To better help victims it helps to To better help victims it helps to understand the stages of the understand the stages of the domestic violence cycle. domestic violence cycle.

Stage I: Tension BuildingStage I: Tension Building

Tension in the relationship begins to Tension in the relationship begins to mount. Controlling behavior and snide mount. Controlling behavior and snide remarks may manifest and escalate. remarks may manifest and escalate. “Nothing” the victim says or does may “Nothing” the victim says or does may be “right” in the eyes of the offender. be “right” in the eyes of the offender. Stress builds. Stress builds.

Stage II: BatteringStage II: Battering

Domestic violence that results in Domestic violence that results in the release of the tension from the the release of the tension from the pressure building stage. The pressure building stage. The violence ranges from smaller violence ranges from smaller hidden injuries to a full beating or hidden injuries to a full beating or completed rape. completed rape.

Stage III: HoneymoonStage III: Honeymoon

This is the stage of the cycle that keeps This is the stage of the cycle that keeps many victims in an abusive relationship. It many victims in an abusive relationship. It is a false recreation of the honeymoon is a false recreation of the honeymoon period that normally happens in the period that normally happens in the beginning of a relationship. During this beginning of a relationship. During this stage, the batterer claims to be sorry for stage, the batterer claims to be sorry for harm causing actions. Flowers, candy and harm causing actions. Flowers, candy and expensive gifts may be lavishly showered expensive gifts may be lavishly showered upon the victim. To keep a victim from upon the victim. To keep a victim from getting help the abuser will promise to getting help the abuser will promise to never do it again. never do it again.

Unfortunately, it is a promise never kept. Unfortunately, it is a promise never kept.

What you need to know:What you need to know:

Often, the pastor will Often, the pastor will onlyonly see the batterer during see the batterer during the honeymoon period. the honeymoon period.

When a victim comes forward the first thing the When a victim comes forward the first thing the pastor sometimes thinks is “This great person pastor sometimes thinks is “This great person could never do something like this.”could never do something like this.” Pay attention to the symptoms of domestic violence and take all allegations seriously.

Symptoms of Abuse in Symptoms of Abuse in VictimsVictims

Injuries that do not match the explanation.Injuries that do not match the explanation. Long sleeved or high neck clothing worn in Long sleeved or high neck clothing worn in

hot weather.hot weather. Frequently “checking in” with family Frequently “checking in” with family

member.member. Isolation of the victim from friends and Isolation of the victim from friends and

family.family. Attempts by an abuser to control a victims Attempts by an abuser to control a victims

behavior with put downs or inappropriate behavior with put downs or inappropriate actions.actions.

Mental Health Issues: depression, anxiety, Mental Health Issues: depression, anxiety, ptsd, substance abuse, alcoholism.ptsd, substance abuse, alcoholism.

Who batterers?Who batterers?

Batterers, like victims, come from all walks Batterers, like victims, come from all walks of life and in every socioeconomic and of life and in every socioeconomic and social strata. social strata.

Batterers have included:Batterers have included:

Movie Stars, Politicians, Clergy, Police Movie Stars, Politicians, Clergy, Police Officers, Doctors, Fishermen, Nurses, Officers, Doctors, Fishermen, Nurses, Football Players, CPA’s, Construction Football Players, CPA’s, Construction Workers, Waiters, Waitresses, Janitors, Workers, Waiters, Waitresses, Janitors, members of Armed Forces and more. members of Armed Forces and more.

The Battering PersonalityThe Battering Personality

Personality traits of a battererPersonality traits of a batterer

JealousyJealousy Quick InvolvementQuick Involvement Controlling BehaviorControlling Behavior Unrealistic ExpectationsUnrealistic Expectations IsolationIsolation Blames Others for ProblemsBlames Others for Problems HypersensitivityHypersensitivity Cruelty to AnimalsCruelty to Animals Verbal Abuse Verbal Abuse Rigid Sex RolesRigid Sex Roles Breaking or Striking Force or Breaking or Striking Force or

ObjectsObjects Any Force During an Argument Any Force During an Argument

Hamilton CountyDistrict Attorney General's Office

Courts Building 600 Market Street, Suite 310

Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone: (423) 209-7400

http://da.chattanooga.net/domvio07.html

Why victims stayWhy victims stay:: SpiritualSpiritual EconomicEconomic ChildrenChildren EmotionalEmotional Fear of the abuserFear of the abuser LoveLove Society PressuresSociety Pressures ReligionReligion She doesn’t know She doesn’t know

how to leave. how to leave.

Domestic Violence: Effects on Domestic Violence: Effects on ChildrenChildren

Refusal to go to school or reluctant to go home from Refusal to go to school or reluctant to go home from school or church.school or church.

Sleeping difficulties such as bedwetting or Sleeping difficulties such as bedwetting or nightmares.nightmares.

Isolation from friends or family.Isolation from friends or family. Acting out behaviorally or ideal student. Acting out behaviorally or ideal student. Poor hygiene.Poor hygiene. Difficulties in relating with others. Difficulties in relating with others. Anger, depression, suicidal behavior or drug use.Anger, depression, suicidal behavior or drug use. Symptoms of child abuse. Symptoms of child abuse. Choosing an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend.Choosing an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend.

What you need to know: Effects on What you need to know: Effects on ChildrenChildren

Just because a child exhibits a behavior does Just because a child exhibits a behavior does not mean that domestic violence or abuse is not mean that domestic violence or abuse is involved. Children may exhibit any of the involved. Children may exhibit any of the symptoms listed for a multitude of reasons. symptoms listed for a multitude of reasons.

Look for patterns of behavior and trust your Look for patterns of behavior and trust your instincts. If you feel something is wrong it instincts. If you feel something is wrong it probably is. Check with local and state probably is. Check with local and state resources regarding child abuse reporting resources regarding child abuse reporting requirements. Be prepared to report and requirements. Be prepared to report and follow through as necessary per your local follow through as necessary per your local state laws. state laws.

Safety PlanningSafety Planning

It is critical that a victim create a safety It is critical that a victim create a safety plan before leaving an abuser. plan before leaving an abuser.

When creating a safety plan with a victim When creating a safety plan with a victim write as little down as possible. This will write as little down as possible. This will keep the abuser from learning that an keep the abuser from learning that an escape is being planned. Help the victim escape is being planned. Help the victim memorize local help numbers and identify memorize local help numbers and identify potential needs (such as a safe place to potential needs (such as a safe place to stay) before leaving. stay) before leaving.

Some needs of the victim may Some needs of the victim may include:include:

Cash, not credit cards. Cash, not credit cards. KeysKeys Legal paperwork such as; marriage, divorce, Legal paperwork such as; marriage, divorce,

custody, immigration papers etc.custody, immigration papers etc. A safe place to stay, A safe place to stay, notnot at the home of a at the home of a

friend or relative (often the first place an friend or relative (often the first place an abuser looks). abuser looks).

Clothing, medicines and personal care items Clothing, medicines and personal care items for the victim and children.for the victim and children.

Clothing, diapers, formula, schoolbooks, Clothing, diapers, formula, schoolbooks, comfort items for children.comfort items for children.

Clergy Traps to AvoidClergy Traps to Avoid

Disbelief.Disbelief.

Instant forgiveness.Instant forgiveness.

Leaving abusers in perceived Leaving abusers in perceived positions of authority or power positions of authority or power in the church.in the church.

Justification.Justification.

Minimizing.Minimizing.

Taking sides. Taking sides.

Being pulled into the middle. Being pulled into the middle.

What clergy can do.What clergy can do. ► Be educated. Learn about domestic violence so Be educated. Learn about domestic violence so

you can teach about domestic violence. you can teach about domestic violence. ► Talk about it! Include prayers during corporate Talk about it! Include prayers during corporate

worship, preach against violence from the pulpit. worship, preach against violence from the pulpit. ► Create a safe atmosphere within the Create a safe atmosphere within the

congregation so that victims feel safe enough to congregation so that victims feel safe enough to come forward.come forward.

► Encourage your congregations to support Encourage your congregations to support battered women’s programs with time and battered women’s programs with time and money.money.

► Give a speaker from a shelter time during your Give a speaker from a shelter time during your main worship service.main worship service.

► Make safety planning information available to all Make safety planning information available to all congregation members.congregation members.

““I was set free when my I was set free when my pastor told me I didn’t pastor told me I didn’t have to live like this have to live like this anymore.” anymore.”

TanikaTanika

Hope for Healing.OrgHope for Healing.Org

153 E Broadway Blvd., #113153 E Broadway Blvd., #113

Jefferson City, TN 37760Jefferson City, TN 37760

Office (865) 933-8769Office (865) 933-8769

Toll Free (866) 401-HEALToll Free (866) 401-HEAL

If you know our name, you know help is If you know our name, you know help is as close as your computer as close as your computer www.hopeforhealing.orgwww.hopeforhealing.org