class 11 attachment theory, sleep, and...

Class 11 Attachment Theory, Sleep, and Nutrition

© 2014 by bebo mia. All rights reserved

Attachment Parenting and Healthy Family Sleep

OBJECTIVES: By the end of this module participants will be able to;

Understand the basics of infant sleep Distinguish popular sleep training methods Understand the impact and consequences of “cry-it-out” Realize the benefits of an “Attachment Parenting” approach Demonstrate gentle ways to get a newborn to sleep Support families postnatally

FACILITATOR: Brandie Hadfield RECOMMENDED READING LIST:

The Baby Book by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N.

The Baby Sleep Book by William Sears, M.D., Robert Sears, M.D., James

Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N.

The Breastfeeding Book by Martha Sears, R.N. and William Sears, M.D.

The Attachment Parenting Book by William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears,

R.N. Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, M.D. (DVD

or Book) The Aware Baby by Aletha Solter, Ph.D. Tears and Tantrums by Aletha Solter, Ph.D. The Attachment Connection by Ruth Newton, Ph.D

The above books not only help to provide an excellent foundation of knowledge for your postnatal care, but you will also find yourself referencing them often, looking up questions from your clients, and possibly even lending them to clients.

ATTACHMENT THEORY & ATTACHMENT PARENTING Attachment theory in psychology originates with the seminal work of John Bowlby (1958). In the 1930’s John Bowlby worked as a psychiatrist in a Child Guidance Clinic in London, where he treated many emotionally disturbed children. This experience led Bowlby to consider the importance of the child’s relationship with their mother in terms of their social, emotional and cognitive development.


Specifically, it shaped his belief about the link between early infant separations with the mother and later maladjustment, and led Bowlby to formulate his attachment theory.

John Bowlby observed that children experienced intense distress when separated from their mothers, despite being fed by other caregivers. These findings contradicted the dominant behavioral theories of that time. Bowlby proposed that attachment can be understood within an evolutionary context in that the caregiver provides safety and security for the infant. Attachment is adaptive as it enhances the infant’s chance of survival. Babies have a universal need to seek close proximity with their caregiver, and that increases when under stress or threatened. Most “Sleep Trainers” take a behaviourist stance, rather than a developmentalist stance. “Crying-it-out”, in less than 20% of cases, could change behaviour in the short-term but could also be detrimental which becomes apparent in the long term. We will discuss more when we go through all the popular sleep-training programs.

Bowlby defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”.

Characteristics of Attachment

Bowlby believed that there are four distinguishing characteristics of attachment: 1. Proximity Maintenance - The desire to be near the people we are

attached to. 2. Safe Haven - Returning to the attachment figure for comfort and safety in

the face of a fear or threat. 3. Secure Base - The attachment figure acts as a base of security from which

the child can explore the surrounding environment. 4. Separation Distress - Anxiety that occurs in the absence of the

attachment figure. Stages of Attachment by Rudolph Schaffer and Peggy Emerson (1964)

Up to 3 months of age - Indiscriminate attachments. The newborn is predisposed to attach to any human. Most babies respond equally to any caregiver.

After 4 months - Preference for certain people. Infants they learn to distinguish primary and secondary caregivers but accept care from anyone

After 7 months - Special preference for a single attachment figure.


The baby looks to particular people for security, comfort and protection. It shows fear of strangers (stranger fear) and unhappiness when separated from a special person (separation anxiety). Some babies show stranger fear and separation anxiety much more frequently and intensely than others, but nevertheless they are seen as evidence that the baby has formed an attachment. This has usually developed by one year of age.

After 9 months - Multiple attachments. The baby becomes increasingly independent and forms several attachments.

Dr. Gordon Neufeld 6 Stages of attachment Dr. Gordon Neufeld is the leading proponent of attachment from pre-school to teen years, and how to re-establish damaged attachment. His book, "Hold On To Your Kids" is award-winning for his groundbreaking work exploring the phenomenon of peer-orientation (when kids attach to peers or icons). Dr. Neufeld helps parents keep their children attached appropriately, to avoid possible outcomes like bullying and even homicide and suicide, which we are sadly seeing more of every day.

1. Senses - Physical proximity; sensing the person they are attached to through smell, sight, sound. Begins in infancy but never goes away completely.

2. Sameness - Usually begins in toddlerhood, can be seen in mimicking as the child learns to walk and talk.

3. Belonging and Loyalty - If all is unfolding as it should, the third stage also debuts in toddlerhood when the child shows signs of “possessing” the parents or siblings, and perhaps even jealousy.

4. Significance - The feeling of having an important role in the family. 5. Feeling - The actual warm and fuzzy loving emotions being felt towards

the attachment figure. 6. Being Known - Showing and sharing who you really are is the deepest

form of intimacy. Many people sadly never get to this stage with anyone in their life. It is when you share who you truly are that you are most susceptible to being hurt.

Similarly to Maslow’s Hierchy of Needs, if one does not healthily attach through each stage, they will get “stuck” in a more primal stage until this need is met, or come into “defensive detachment” wherein the risk of hurt is too much to bear, the child resists proximity when one should be pursuing it. This can “look” like independence, however it is a defense mechanism for survival.


The Attachment Classification Continuum

The security of attachment in one to two year olds was investigated by Ainsworth and Bell (1970) in the 'strange situation' study, in order to determine the nature of attachment behaviors and styles of attachment. http://www.simplypsychology.org/mary-ainsworth.html

Attachment Pattern Child Caregiver

Secure Uses caregiver as a secure base for exploration.

Protests caregiver's departure and seeks proximity and is comforted on return, returning to exploration. May be comforted by the stranger but shows clear preference for the caregiver.

Responds appropriately, promptly and consistently to needs. Caregiver has successfully formed a secure parental attachment bond to the child.

Avoidant Little affective sharing in play.

Little or no distress on departure, little or no visible response to return, ignoring or turning away with no effort to maintain contact if picked up.

Little or no response to distressed child. Discourages crying and encourages independence.


http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplypsychology.org%2Fmary-ainsworth.html&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNGL7t2L049AeyKIpOt2EduSvvoK2g

Treats the stranger similarly to the caregiver. The child feels that there is no attachment; therefore, the child is rebellious and has a lower self-image and self-esteem.

Ambivalent/Resistant Unable to use caregiver as a secure base, seeking proximity before separation occurs.

Distressed on separation with ambivalence, anger, reluctance to warm to caregiver and return to play on return. Preoccupied with caregiver's availability, seeking contact but resisting angrily when it is achieved. Not easily calmed by stranger. In this relationship, the child always feels anxious because the caregiver's availability is never consistent.

Inconsistent between appropriate and neglectful responses. Generally will only respond after increased attachment behavior from the infant.

Disorganized Freezing or Lack of coherent Frightened or


rocking. attachment strategy shown by contradictory, disoriented behaviours such as approaching but with the back turned.

frightening behaviour, intrusiveness, withdrawal, negativity, role confusion, affective communication errors and maltreatment. Very often associated with many forms of abuse towards the child.

WHAT IS ATTACHMENT PARENTING? The essence of Attachment Parenting is about forming and nurturing strong connections between parents and their children. Attachment Parenting challenges us as parents to treat our children with kindness, respect and dignity, and to model in our interactions with them the way we'd like them to interact with others. Rooted in attachment theory, Attachment Parenting has been studied extensively for over 60 years by psychologists and child development researchers and, more recently, by researchers studying the brain. These studies revealed that infants are born "hardwired" with strong needs to be nurtured and to remain physically close to their primary caregiver, usually the mother, during the first few years of life. The child's emotional, physical, and neurological development is greatly enhanced when these basic needs are met consistently and appropriately. These needs can be summarized as proximity, protection, and predictability. Common myths of Attachment Parenting:

Attachment parenting creates dependency - The opposite is true. Children of attachment parents build a secure base from which to explore. The constant availability of their parents builds trust in the environment


and themselves,and this trust fosters healthy independence.

Attachment parenting creates spoiled children - Healthy attachment to parents acts as a physiological umbilical cord that enables healthy maturation into adulthood. When children are securely attached to their parent, they will, as children and teens, look to the parent as an example and role model. If insecurely unattached, they will search for someone else to attach to, often peers. This "peer orientation" is what leads to problems down the road, such as teenage rebellion.

If a parent constantly responds to a baby’s cries, the baby will learn

to manipulate the parent and cry more to get what he wants - When a mother (parent, primary caregiver) attends to her baby's needs, it creates more security in their relationship and they trust that their needs will be met. One study (Hunzinger & Barr 1986) showed that children who had more responsive parents were more sociable, could easily sooth themselves and cried less (50% less).

Attachment parenting is exhausting, especially for the mother -

Attachment parenting is short term ‘pain’ for long term gain. This style of parenting takes patience and stamina but learning and connecting with your child early makes parenting easier later. Showing symptoms of being overwhelmed or being unable to cope are signals that it may be time to bring in extra support.

If I am an attachment parent I will have to use cloth diapers,

refuse vaccinations and homeschool my children - These are all personal choices, not covered in the 8 principles of attachment parenting.

Attachment Parenting is not possible for working parents - Many

working parents find that reconnecting through the philosophies of Attachment Parenting is a phenomenal way to strengthen the child-parent bond when separation is unavoidable.

8 PRINCIPLES OF ATTACHMENT PARENTING 1. Prepare for pregnancy, birth & parenting - Educate yourself around your birth options and create a birth plan that works for you. Set yourself up for immediate bonding/breastfeeding after birth and create a strong support system for the early weeks.


2. Feed with love and respect - A parent should respect their child’s hunger cues, offer healthy foods and model healthy eating habits. Breastfeeding satisfies an infant's nutritional and emotional needs and continues to do so even past one year of age. If a mother is bottle feeding, she can model breastfeeding behaviors while bottle feeding to create a healthy bond (feed on demand, hold baby close, eye contact). 3. Respond with sensitivity - Pick up your baby when she cries. Babies do not cry to manipulate, they cry to communicate a want or a need (there is very little difference between a want and a need before the age of one). Responding to your baby will create strong communication and trust between parent and child. Babies are unable to soothe themselves, it is up to parents to regulate their emotions. Eventually, through consistent responsiveness, children learn to sooth themselves.

4. Use Nurturing Touch - Skin-to-skin contact throughout infant-hood while nursing, bathing and massaging has immense benefits for baby. Touch meets baby's needs for affection and contact, as well as helps to regulate body temperature and heartbeat. Babywearing is another fantastic way to fulfill baby’s need for touch, while also being a convenient way for mom to bond while on the go (and is much easier than lugging a stroller onto public transit!).

BABY WEARING DEMONSTRATION: Wrap, Ring Sling, Carrier - Safety & Benefits. 5. Ensure safe sleep, physically & emotionally - Babies spend around 60% of their day sleeping, and their needs do not stop just because it is bedtime. Babies wake up for a variety of reasons and need caregivers to help them. Co-sleeping, or “sharing sleep” is a way for parents to attend to their babies needs while getting the best quality sleep themselves. When done so safely (see Safe Co-Sleeping handout), studies show that bedding close to baby provides numerous benefits, even reducing the risk of S.I.D.S.

Safe Bed-sharing http://cosleeping.nd.edu/safe-co-sleeping-guidelines/

Maximizing the chances of Safe Infant Sleep in the Solitary and Cosleeping (Specifically, Bed-sharing) Contexts, by James J. McKenna, Ph.D. Professor of Biological Anthropology, Director, Mother-Baby Sleep Laboratory, University of Notre Dame. Below I have summarized and highlighted some of the issues to be


concerned with as you make your own decisions about where and how your infant should sleep. What constitutes a "safe sleep environment" irrespective of where the infant sleeps? Safe infant sleep begins with a healthy gestation, specifically without the fetus being exposed to maternal smoke. Breastfeeding significantly helps to protect infants from death including deaths from SIDS/SUDI and from secondary disease and/or congenital conditions. Post-natal safe infant sleep begins especially with the presence of an informed, breastfeeding, committed mother, or an informed and committed father. Infants should sleep on their backs, on firm surfaces, on clean surfaces, in the absence of smoke, under light (comfortable) blanketing, and their heads should never be covered. The bed should not have any stuffed animals or pillows around the infant and never should an infant be placed to sleep on top of a pillow. Sheepskins or other fluffy material and especially bean bag mattresses should never be used. Water beds can be dangerous, too, and always the mattresses should tightly intersect the bed-frame. Infants should never sleep on couches or sofas, with or without adults wherein they can slip down (face first) into the crevice or get wedged against the back of a couch. Bed-sharing: It is important to be aware that adult beds were not designed to assure infants safety!

Bottle-feeding babies should always sleep alongside the mother on a separate surface rather than in the bed.

If bed-sharing, ideally, both parents should agree and feel comfortable

with the decision. Each bed-sharer should agree that he or she is equally responsible for the infant and acknowledge that the infant is present. My feeling is that both parents should think of themselves as primary caregivers.

Infants a year or less should not sleep with other children siblings -- but

always with a person who can take responsibility for the infant being there.

Persons on sedatives, medications or drugs, or is intoxicated or

excessively unable to arouse should not co-sleep on the same surface


with the infant.

Excessively long hair on the mother should be tied up to prevent infant entanglement around the infant's neck -- (yes, it has really happened!)

Extremely obese persons, who may not feel where exactly or how close

their infant is, may wish to have the infant sleep alongside but on a different surface.

It is important to realize that the physical and social conditions under

which infant-parent co-sleeping occur, in all it's diverse forms, can and will determine the risks or benefits of this behavior. What goes on in bed is what matters.

6. Provide Consistent and Loving Care - Put the baby or young child’s need for a consistent, loving caregiver as top priority. Ideally, a family member who is bonded with the child is their primary caregiver, but this is not always possible, especially in our current western society. Choose an alternate caregiver who understands and respects the parent’s parenting style, and ensure this person has taken time to first bond with the child. Take the necessary steps to keep separations as stress-free as possible for the child.

7. Practice Positive Discipline - There is always a reason for bad behaviour. Dealing with the behaviour without uncovering the underlying cause is like giving medication for the symptoms and not treating the illness. Positive discipline avoids guilt and shame, and instead strives to empathize with the child. Communication is healthy and open, and in turn the child’s strong conscience is developed. Take into account where the child is developmentally and never impose adult expectations onto a child. Anticipate possible bad behaviour by ensuring all basic needs are met - for example, if your child is tired and hungry, don’t cart them off to Wal-Mart!

8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life - Being a parent is the most challenging (and rewarding) job there is. You cannot possibly be all things to all people - particularly when your baby is in their first few years and their needs are so intense. The old saying, “It takes a village to raise a child” still rings true today! This is why creating your own “village” is so important. Know your own limits and take time for yourself to recharge.


LIVE RIGHT NOW: Make a smooth transition from pregnancy to motherhood workbook created by Dr. Sears

SECTION 1:

The Seven Baby B’s of Attachment Parenting*

Wall journaling activity On the flip chart ahead you will see the following headings: Advice from others, baby crying, partner’s role, baby crying, breastfeeding, bonding, sleep, balance and self-care Please write any question or concern that comes to your mind as you read these headings. We will discuss how these questions and concerns can be answered through Dr. Sears “7 Baby B’s”:

1. Birth bonding 2. Belief in the signal value of your baby’s cries 3. Breastfeeding 4. Babywearing 5. Bedding close to baby 6. Balance and boundaries 7. Beware of baby trainers

Popular Sleep Training Methods The most popular sleep training plans out there that you will see are:

Cry It Out (Extinction). This is considered the “quickest” of all the sleep training plans, where you leave your baby at bedtime, and you come back at 7am. If they need anything, well it’s too bad. They can cry until they realize it is wasted energy. Babies are smart, they want to thrive, and they will cease to cry after a few nights. Now don’t confuse “cease to cry” with “self soothing”. This is a very popular myth.


True emotional regulation is done with the part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex. This part of the brain is not fully developed until age 5 (and that is with optimum attachment) Some easier-going infants may soothe with a “lovey”, but this may not last, especially during developmental milestones.

Controlled Crying ("Ferberizing") This takes a little while longer, and it is to let your baby cry for increased intervals of time. It feels less cruel than completely abandoning your child. You let them cry for 5 mins, then 10, then 15, and so on, checking on them in between.

Sleep Sense method This involves crying, but consoling and then slowly moving out of the room. So you begin in a chair beside the bed, and then move the chair a bit further and further, til you are out of the room. You are also given the option to stay out of the room all together, which many parents end up choosing, because baby is often crying harder from seeing you there and not picking them up.

Babywise Method (Scheduling) This is one of the most popular “parent led” methods of scheduling. You feed your baby every 3-4 hours, and when nap time comes, baby goes down, no “if ands or buts”. They claim that baby becomes so used to their schedule that they go down easy. The problem with it is actually quite stressful to follow a strict schedule where babies are concerned! That, and there was actually a big controversy in the late 90’s when a number of pediatricians noticed that Babywise babies were failing to thrive. So the author then re-released the book with some softening of the edges. The bottom line: Your baby's well-being comes first, no matter what any schedule says. Never withhold food or sleep when your baby seems to need it because it's "not the right time yet."

Baby Whisperer Method (Combo of controlled crying and scheduling)

Tracy Hogg, who has since passed away from skin cancer, wrote a series of books called “The Baby Whisperer”. She has very specific advice based on what she did as a pediatric nurse. Part of this is scheduling, and a series of events called “EASY” (always going in the same order of eat, then play, then sleep, and


you-time). The idea is that your baby doesn’t get hooked on nursing to sleep, and that they always know what’s coming next. It sounds easy indeed, but all you have to do is google “Baby Whisperer” forums to see all the moms struggling with making it work like it says it will in the book. In terms of nights, she has a gentler approach of strategies that help you to respond to your baby without giving in to what they are actually asking for. Imagine your partner told you to stop drinking peppermint tea at night, because he didn’t want you to get hooked on it as a “prop”. OK if you had to have whiskey every night before bed, that would be an unhealthy sleep association. But nursing is the most natural way for a baby to settle. There are other options than refusing what the baby is asking for.

Professional Baby-Trainer services There are some people out there who will offer services to help you in training your baby to sleep through the night. They have a range of options, with simply emailing you a sleep training plan to follow, to actually coming to your home while you stay in a hotel, and train your baby for you. You get to feel guilt free because your problem is seemingly solved, but you didn’t have to listen to your child scream out for you for hours on end.

Pro’s and Con’s of CIO We went through a few pros and cons of each method as we discussed them, but to summarize, CIO “works” (depending on your definition of the word “works”), but not without a cost. The negative effects of CIO which have been scientifically proven are:

it usually has to be repeated (illness, teething etc.) it is quite hard on parents, sometimes resulting in post traumatic stress there are well documented repercussions for baby, such as flooding of

cortisol to the brain resulting in anxiety later in life, brain injury, cardiac issues, depleted energy reserves and oxygen, increased heart rate and blood pressure, and interuppted mother/infant interaction...

*Dr. Sears states that these are TOOLS, not RULES to create an optimal bond with your baby in the early days. This bond then helps you create the parenting style that is unique to you. There are as many styles of parenting as there are parents in the world!


HOW ATTACHMENT RELATES TO SLEEP

Babies need to be “parented down” to sleep. Think about how you get ready for a good night’s sleep - you might have a bath, make a cup of tea, read a chapter of a book... you have a ritual most likely, that prepares your mind and body for a night of slumber. It takes many years to get to the point where a person can do this for them self, and in the meantime, they need help. There are many various techniques in getting your baby to sleep, and by learning them ahead of time, or perfecting these skills, you can get your baby to sleep in less time and with less frustration for all. We do some great hands-on practice of this in our upcoming workshops, geared at expectant parents beginning in January. Or you can contact bebo mia for a one-on-one consultation. Babies sleep cycles differ from adults. Believe it or not, even we as adults, wake up multiple times throughout the night - we just usually don’t remember. As adults, we go through several “sleep cycles” lasting 90 minutes or so. Between each cycle we go through a light phase of sleep, called R.E.M. (rapid eye movement). It is during this phase that we might get up to use the bathroom, or just toss and turn and readjust our blankets. Infants have sleep cycles as well, but they are much shorter than adults, for the first few months it takes them much longer to get into a deep sleep. These short, hour (or less) sleep cycles serve a purpose. The blood flow to the brain during R.E.M. sleep for example, helps your baby’s brain development and regulates breathing. As well, more frequent periods of lighter sleep helps baby process everything that happened in their day, which makes them smarter. Forcing them to sleep unnaturally deeply early one, can stunt all this amazing development. Sleeping near you baby helps your milk supply. Sleeping near your baby means that you WILL wake up more often to nurse, because of baby’s tiny stomach, the ease at which breast-milk is digested, and the warm inviting breast being so close by. That said, if you decided to breastfeed because of the numerous benefits, than one way to make the nursing


relationship as successful as possible, is to bed close to baby, at least for the first 6 months. Nighttime nursing increases mother’s milk supply and also decreases baby's daytime needs. Babies wake up through the night for good reason. Why do babies wake up? They are too cold, too hot, need a diaper change, hungry, thirsty, lonely, scared, want a cuddle. They also can wake up to for survival reasons too. Interestingly, in Japan where most every family co-sleeps, the incidence of SIDS is lowest. This is due to the mother being able to save baby in the unfortunate instance he or she stops breathing, for example. As well, a mother acts as nature’s pace-maker, and regulates the baby’s heart beat during sleep. Babies have different “sleep personalities” As any second or third time mom will tell you - there is no way to guarantee what kind of sleeper you are going to get. Your baby may drop off to sleep easily and sleep through the night by four months. Then like Dr. Sears and his wife Martha, you may be blessed with a “high-needs baby” (their fourth child, Hayden),who refuses to sleep anywhere but beside a warm body. Regardless of your child’s temperament, bebo mia has customized solutions to ensure your whole family gets the rest and rejuvenation they deserve.

DEVELOPMENT/CHALLENGES (sleep through the stages)

Age Hours of Sleep Explanation

0-1 mo 16-17 hrs, spread equal between night and day.

May sleep 3-4 hour stretches. Wake mainly due to hunger at this age.

1-2 mo 15-16 hrs Sleep begins consolidating into shorter at day, longer at night. Most wake 2-3 times a night. Start waking from wanting closeness in addition to hunger, as their awareness increases.

3-6 mo 15 hrs, (2-3 naps and 11-12 at night)

At 6 months, some babies STTN (5 hrs), REM cycle gets shorter.


6-9 mo 14 hrs (2 naps and 11 hrs at night)

Some may sleep 7 hr stretches, some can self-soothe now, many still wake up several times. Previous “good” sleepers may start night waking (developmental milestones, teething pain, seperation anxiety)

9-12 mo 13-14 hrs, 1-2 naps, one nap usually short, and some 10-12 hrs a night.

Most still want a feeding 1-2 times at night.

1-2 yrs 12-13 hrs (1 long nap or 2 short ones and 10-12 at night)

Between 12-18 mths, babies begin waking due to separation anxiety. Between 18 mths and 2 yrs, “person permanence” clicks in, enabling babies to fall asleep on their own because they can now understand their parents are there when not in their sight.

2-3 yrs 11-13 hrs (nap might be dropped at some point)

Most graduate from crib to bed. Night terrors may begin, previous “good” sleepers may become fretful sleepers as phobias kick in (fear of the dark etc) due to active imaginations and past stress.

3-4 yrs No naps and 11-12 hrs at night

Sleep patterns more closely match adults.

Feeding: Demand VS. Schedule - from AskDrSears.com More-frequent requests to nurse usually mean that your baby is going through a growth spurt. These occur around ten days to three weeks, six weeks, and three months of age. Think of these as "frequency days" when babies want and need to nurse "all the time" because they are growing very quickly. After a day or two of "marathon nursing," your body will begin to make more milk, and baby will need to feed less often. It's the supply and demand principle of milk production at work--only the demand part comes first, followed by the increase in supply. When baby steps up his feedings, you need to cut back on your other commitments, at least for a few days. Just settle in and nurse your baby and don't worry about the housework or other commitments. Trying to do too much will quickly lead to exhaustion, and being exhausted will interfere with your body's ability to make more milk. Give yourself the opportunity to let biology work for you. The more often your baby nurses, the higher the level of milk-making hormones in your body. These will help you to relax during these


potentially stressful days. A baby is a baby for a very short time, so take advantage of this time to enjoy holding and nursing your baby. No one's life or growth is going to be affected if the housework doesn't get done. Hands-on practical homework: 1. Read the following benefits of Attachment Parenting: http://www.askdrsears.com/?q=topics/attachment-parenting/7-benefits-ap 2. Empathy Exercise Select a reasons for babies waking up (too cold, too hot, poopy diaper, gas, hurting, clothes uncomfortable, want a cuddle, scared, etc). Close your eyes, and envision being in this situation. Write down the ideal response they would hope from their caregiver The idea behind this exercise was to have you experience having “belief in babies cries” by seeing through their eyes. This will be a skill that will need to be drawn upon every day (and night) as a parent of a new baby.

LIVE RIGHT NOW: Make a smooth transition from pregnancy to motherhood workbook created by Dr. Sears

SECTION 2: Postpartum Nutrition and Exercise (P. 41-53) Balanced nutrition is the best preventative medicine there is, and will make a world of difference in your ability to handle the stress of motherhood and interrupted sleep. When you are getting ample nutrients from clean eating, and enough fruits/veggies, protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats, what you are doing is loving yourself and your family by equipping yourself to best handle what comes your way. Dr. Sears says we should take an Omega 3 supplement daily if we can’t get 2 servings of fish (preferably wild salmon or tuna) per week. Other than that, he says a whole foods supplement like Juice Plus+ really helps bridge the gap between what we are able to eat, and what we do eat each day. I can tell you from personal experience that being happy to greet my baby after being woken up every 45 minutes during teething, is way easier because I nourish my


http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.askdrsears.com%2F%3Fq%3Dtopics%2Fattachment-parenting%2F7-benefits-ap&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNHXLwUdqdSKcQv3YAy75aNEiGeDTw

http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brandietakesjuiceplus.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNHq8JQ-LtWVCV4_AqiC1FVNJP_ZvQ

http://www.google.com/url?q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.brandietakesjuiceplus.com&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNHq8JQ-LtWVCV4_AqiC1FVNJP_ZvQ

body as I deserve. Meal Plan for Mama! Breakfast Oatmeal with fruit and your choice of milk (cow, goat, soy, almond, coconut, rice etc) Snack Apple with cottage cheese or a hard-boiled egg Lunch Big salad with chicken or tofu Snack Dr. Sears Smoothie for Moms and Moms-to-be: (recipe makes 4 servings) 3 cups of your choice of milk 1 1/2 cups yogurt 1 banana 1/2 avacodo 1 cup frozen blueberries 1/2 cup other fruit of your choice 4 tbsp ground flax 4 oz tofu 1 tbsp cinnamon 1 serving of a chocolate or vanilla flavoured multi-nutrient supplement 1 tbsp natural peanut or other nut/seed butter 1/4 cup raisins 1 tsp wheat germ Dinner Veggie chili or Minestrone Soup with whole grain toast with coconut oil spread on top Snack Grapefruit and glass of your choice of milk Additional Tips:

1. Have your partner, friend or family member help you by bringing by a meal 2. Take time a couple times a week to wash and cut fruits and veggies so they

are ready to grab in your fridge


3. Add ground flax to cereal, yogurt, smoothies etc to get your Omega 3’s in every day

4. Keep boiled eggs on hand as a great snack. For the perfect boiled egg, bring eggs to a boil, then cover, remove from heat, and let stand for 20 minutes

To learn how I lost my 55 lbs of excess baby weight, and to see what I snack on every day, visit my blog at www.withlovefrommom.ca Exercise. New moms might be thinking, “Are you crazy! How can I exercise when I am getting no sleep?!”. However being active has many wonderful benefits, including improved quality of sleep. You are also more readily able to relax. Commit to doing one thing a day – a walk to the park could be all you are up for. But as your body permits, take a fitness class or go for a jog. I love going to “Belly Boot Camp” or Baby & Me Fitness and recommend you try a class! Such a great way to do something for yourself while spending quality time with your baby. Remember to get clearance from your doctor before starting any fitness program. SECTION 3: TLC for New Moms (pg. 55-69)

OUR ROLE IN PROVIDING SUPPORT Will bebo mia help you get your baby sleeping through the night? Yes and no. We will first make absolutely sure that this is indeed the correct remedy for your specific struggles. We already talked about how night-waking has many benefits to the baby. So if they are not truly ready to make the leap to sleeping through the night, we offer a ton of strategies to make the situation of nighttime one that takes ALL members of the family’s optimum wellness into consideration. 1. Managing Expectations (Before Birth) -

Our “Dream On: Science of Sleep” class Life looks different now... hard for many Flexibility Can’t be all things to all people Building a village (see below)


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How to recognize the signs of postpartum depression and when to offer help

2. How our Customized Sleep Strategy Packages work At bebo mia, we really feel that the best solutions are based out of LOVE as opposed to fear. We don’t want you to avoid having your baby cry it out because you are afraid of the negative effects in doing so... we want to help you be a confident parent who is sharply in tune with your instincts. We want you to feel connected to what your heart is telling you, and to guide you along the path that YOU know is right for your family. We will never pressure you to ignore your instincts. When you have your consultation with us, we don’t just look at what your baby’s perceived sleep issues are. We really look at the BIG PICTURE. We look at your diet, your environment, your stress levels, in addition to your baby’s habits. We take a holistic approach that considers overall health and wellness of the whole family. What you get, is a customized Sleep Strategy Package for your family, that provides you with insight into your situation from a professional, specific action steps for you to take, and some sleep plan options for you to choose from. We also provide ongoing support for up to 2 weeks after receipt of your Sleep Strategy Package, to offer any guidance through its implementation. 3. Building your Village The most prominent reason for all the books and Baby Sleep experts, is that our current society is just not conducive to having a baby, plain and simple. We work harder, longer hours, we consume more and more “stuff”, and all our free time is sucked out with technological advancements as we send a text message instead of interact with our children, or check Facebook when we should be getting some shut-eye ourselves. We have more convenience food out there, full of chemicals and additives that wreak havoc on our bodies and brains. Did I mention we have less TIME than ever before? But babies have not changed one bit They remain helpless, primal creatures, hard-wired to ensure all their needs are met.


How to deal with the demands of baby? In other cultures around the world, they still abide by the philosophy of taking a village to raise a child. Well, you could train your baby or you can question our Western mindset and be flexible to a more holistic approach, including building your own village. Get out of the Supermom mindset - it is not possible to be all things to all people, without burning out. You need HELP is what you need, and what your baby needs most is a healthy, happy mother.

Prenatal/Postnatal Nutrition Overview Pre/Postnatal When you are growing and breastfeeding a baby it is important to get adequate nutrient intake. This will protect your health because your baby will take what she needs and leave you depleted of nutrients. A wellbalanced diet will keep you healthy while allowing your baby to grow and develop. Food Groups The basics of good nutrition are based around the different food groups. Incorporate a variety of foods from each to cover your nutrient needs and build reserves so you don't become deficient. Include plenty of whole grains, lean protein, dairy, fruits, vegetables and healthy fats. These foods offer complex carbohydrates for energy, fiber for healthy digestion, vitamins A and C to protect immunity, healthy fats to promote heart health, calcium for your baby's bones and teeth and protein to keep your muscles healthy and promote the growth of your baby's muscles. Options for protein sources include skinless poultry, lean beef and egg whites. Highvolume, lowcalorie foods, such as popcorn and grapes, are snacks that will satisfy the urge to eat when mothers feel bored or ravenous. Strategy Breaking daily calorie allotments into several minimeals during the day helps keep the metabolism revved and constantly supplements the milk supply. Eating every few hours also promotes more stable blood sugar levels, leading to even energy and temperament. Postnatal hormones already provide enough fuel for irritability, so mothers do not need extreme hunger to contribute as well. A wellstocked pantry that includes numerous healthy, convenience foods, such as wholegrain spaghetti and tomato sauce, deli turkey, wholegrain cereal and canned beans, discourages tired moms from giving in to the urge to go to the drivethrough. DHA DHA is a type of omega3 fatty acid and plays a role in healthy brain and eye development.


Many obstetricians recommend women take a DHA capsule throughout pregnancy and while breastfeeding. This is to supplement what you may be getting in your diet, which likely is not enough. According to Pregnancy.org, a 2003 study conducted by the journal Pediatrics concluded that mothers who increase DHA intake during pregnancy are likely to see children with a higher IQ score than children who did not receive the DHA. DHA also reduces the risk of postpartum depression. Continued intake of 200 mg per day during breastfeeding supports the continued growth of your baby's brain. Including foods with DHA offers additional benefits. Good choices include organ meats and fatty fish, such as salmon or tuna. Drinks Part of a healthy meal plan is including the right drinks. During pregnancy Aim for eight 8ounce glasses per day (64 fluid ounces) of fluid, plus one 8ounce cup for each hour of light activity. Milk, juice, decaffeinated drinks, and caffeinated drinks all contain plenty of water and "count" toward your fluid intake. You should be drinking about 16 cups of fluid each day while breastfeeding, but opt for water most of the time (breastfeeding moms are very thirsty, have water on hand). If you are breastfeeding alcohol and caffeine could affect your baby's sleep patterns and your ability to effectively care for your baby. Limit yourself to about 300 mg per day, the amount in about 12 oz. of coffee. Soda, tea and chocolate also contain caffeine. Calories Pregnancy & Breastfeeding requires additional calories to support the energy it takes to produce breast milk. Pregnant women need an additional 300 calories per day. Nursing mothers need about 500 extra calories per day, which equates to as much as 2,700 calories in one day. The amount you need depends on your current weight, how much exercise you get each day and whether you supplement breastfeeding with formula. If you nurse only some of the time, your calorie needs will be lower than a mother who nurses exclusively. Mothers should obtain these calories by sticking to healthful foods rather than highcalorie junk food. Weight Loss Considerations Postnatal A meal plan that promotes a slow rate of weight loss, about 1 lb. per week is the safest strategy. It took nine months to put on the baby weight, and it will take at least as long to shed it. Diets that limit complete food groups (such as lowcarb diets or rawfood diets) or that reduce calories below 1,800 per day should be strictly avoided. Warning Restricting calorie intake during the first six weeks postpartum could interfere with the establishment of a mother's milk supply and ability to heal from childbirth. An occasional serving of fish is a smart, leanprotein choice. Because mercury may be passed through breast milk, breastfeeding mothers should limit the intake of those fish high in mercury, such as mackerel, swordfish and shark.


A Guide to Healthy Daily Food Choices

Key Nutrient Important Functions

Major Sources

Protein (3 servings) 1 serving of meat = approximately 3 ounces or the size of a deck of cards 1 serving of nuts = 1/3cup 1 serving of legumes = 1/2cup

Experts recommend 75 to 100 grams of protein per day. Protein in your foods positively affects the growth of fetal tissue, including the brain. It also helps your breast and uterine tissue to grow during pregnancy, and it plays a helping part in your increasing blood supply.

Fish, seafood, liver, chicken, lean beef, lamb, pork, nuts, tofu, split peas, red & white kidney beans, black beans, navy beans, blackeyed peas, chick peas (garbanzo beans)

Calcium/Dairy, ext (34 Servings)

Daily requirement of calcium is around 1000 milligrams during pregnancy. Calcium helps your body regulate fluids, and it helps build your baby’s bones and tooth buds.

1 cup milk, one egg, 1 cup yogurt, 1.5 ounce cheese, 1/2 cup tofu, 1/3 cup black strap molasses, 1/2 cupwhite beans, 1/3 cup almonds, 3 ounces salmon, 1 cup broccoli, 1/2 cup tahini/sesame paste, 1/2 cup amaranth

Iron (27 milligrams) 1 serving leafy greens = 1 cup 1 serving of whole grains = 1/2 cup or one slice 1 serving of lean protein = approximately 3 ounces or the size of a deck of cards

In combination with sodium, potassium, and water, iron helps increase your blood volume and prevent anemia.

collard greens, turnip greens, mustard greens, parsley, spinach, lettuce, cabbage, whole grain bread, cornmeal, cereals, oatmeal, beef, seafood, poultry

Folate/Folic Acid (600800 micrograms) 1 serving leafy greens = 1 cup 1 serving of fruit = 1/2 cup 1 serving of whole grains = 1/2 cup or one slice 1 serving of legumes = 1/2 cup

Folic acid plays a key role in reducing the risk of Spina Bifida.

collard greens, kale, spinach, beet tops, asparagus, peas, cauliflower, root vegetables, corn, swiss chard, cabbage, orange, strawberry, lemon, mango, tomato, grapefruit, kiwi, melon, avocado, banana, raspberries, watermelon, bread, cornmeal, cereal, oatmeal, split peas, red


& white kidney beans, black beans, navy beans, blackeyed peas, chick peas

Vitamin C (85 milligrams) 1 serving of fruit = 1/2 cup

Fruits and vegetables rich in Vitamin C will help with wound healing, tooth and bone development, and promotes metabolic processes.

orange, strawberry, lemon, mango, tomato, grapefruit, kiwi, melon, potato, peppers

Facts & Myths

It is a wonderful fact your body will gain weight during your pregnancy! As you watch your weight begin to increase, take it as proof that your body is nurturing your growing baby. By the time you are ready to give birth, your total blood volume will have increased by as much as 60%. Your breasts will have filled with milk. Your uterus will have grown to accommodate your baby and has filled with amniotic fluid; your baby has grown to weigh 6 to 10 pounds (on average). To accomplish all of these productive changes, your body needs approximately 300 extra calories per day during your 2nd and 3rd trimester of pregnancy. Every woman should discuss her individual nutrient needs with her health care provider. Do not neglect your baby’s health by neglecting your own! Myth: Now that you are pregnant, you should be eating for two. Fact: It is true that your nutrient needs increase, but energy requirements only increase about 300 calories per day for the second and third trimester of pregnancy. Myth: Gaining less weight during pregnancy will make delivery easier. Fact: Mothers who do not gain enough weight during pregnancy place their babies at risk for severe complications such as premature birth, which can cause lung and heart problems. Myth: If you gain the right amount of weight during pregnancy, none of it will be fat gain. Fact: A healthy pregnancy includes fat storage. Your body uses this excess fat as energy during labor and breastfeeding.


Myth: Pregnant women only crave the foods their bodies need. Fact: Pregnant women can crave foods of any type. Cravings should not be the sole indicator of nutritional needs. Myth: A pregnant woman who is healthy will not experience discomforts. Fact: Nausea, heartburn, and constipation are not biased! They will afflict women regardless of healthy living. However, women who regularly eat healthy, wholesome foods, drink plenty of water, exercise regularly, and avoid excess sugar and fat may significantly reduce these uncomfortable symptoms.

Postpartum Considerations Moms need to be taking care of themselves as well as the baby; if the mom is malnourished/not eating properly, she won’t be able to feed or care for her baby to her full potential. Breastfeeding moms need more calories than when they were pregnant; exclusive breastfeeding burns 500700 calories per day to make an adequate milk supply. That means that moms need to be consuming those calories somewhere whether it’s in an extra meal or a few snacks between meals throughout the day. Moms will feel hungrier and thirstier than when pregnant. It is recommended to eat to hunger and drink to thirst. It is not recommended to deprive a mom’s body of anything at this crucial time of milk production. That being said – healthy choices are always recommended; whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies, high protein, high iron to restore what is lost from birth (both vaginal and surgical), high fibre. Do not restrict calories to get a prebaby body back – this will happen eventually but should not be a focus within a woman’s breastfeeding career. Caloric restriction WILL affect milk supply. Mothers always wonder if what they are eating is affecting their baby, or making the baby gassy. Caffeine can have an affect on the baby, making them irritable and giving them an upset stomach. They should try to avoid caffeine to the same degree that they did while pregnant; a small dose (up to 300mg) should be fine but if a bad reaction from the baby is noticed, moms should cut it down or out altogether.


In general, babies may get gassy because of the foods their mothers eat – however women can drive themselves crazy trying to avoid certain foods because the list seems endless. Basically, foods that make the mom gassy are also going to produce gas in the baby, therefore the mom may wish to avoid foods that make her as an individual (different for every person) gassy if her baby is being affected. Site for recipes for moms with a baby who is sensitive or allergic to soy and milk products: http://www.nursingmomrecipes.com/


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class 11 attachment theory, sleep, and...

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