Chuck Norris Facebook Status Updates

By John Bluffwww.johnbluff.com

Like many other people who value their lives, I like to know what Chuck Norris is doing at all timesso I can stay clear of him. Fortunately, ever since he created the universe, Chuck Mr. Norris hasbeen posting his status on Facebook, giving us innocent civilians a clue to his whereabouts and adecent chance to escape. Here is a selection of his updates.

Chuck Norris is right behind you.Now – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is accepting the nation’s first Medal of Honor for manslaughter.July 3, 2007 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is vacationing along the Pakistan-Afghanistan border.December 31, 2005 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is joining a gang to find safety in numbers. The gang is ChuckNorris and his fists. February 9, 1995 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is making a Chuck Norris-sized leap for Chuck Norris-kind.July 20, 1969 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is using the word “irregardless” correctly.March 1, 1965 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is achieving nuclear fusion by smashing atoms together with hisfists. July 16, 1945 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is accepting Germany’s unconditional surrender.May 8, 1945 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is hurling Chuck Yeager through the sound barrier.October 14, 1947 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is demonstrating to Gandhi the flaw in the concept of nonviolentresistance. April 22, 1935 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is convincing the League of Nations to recognize the spacearound him as a sovereign state. August 1, 1924 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is endowing us with certain inalienable rights.July 4, 1776 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is winning support for his Chuck Norris-centric theory of theuniverse. April 1, 1616– Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is circumnavigating the globe. Wait…he’s done.September 6, 1522 – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is explaining his theorem to Pythagoras.2,570 years ago – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is putting the many heads of Hydra in a headlock.2,610 years ago – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is teaching language to early humans. Their first word is“roundhouse kick.” 20,000 years ago – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is ending the reign of dinosaurs.65 million years ago – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is showing Jedi knights how pathetic the Force is.A long time ago – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Chuck Norris is creating the universe.The dawn of time – Chuck Norris says you have no comment.

Image courtesy of Flickr / Brent Nelson.