Inside  Are prisons zoos?

Ofek’s music section

Ask Ron and Amit

Exclusive interview with Nimrod Michaeli

Zebrandia By Oded Tzuri

There was once a great big continent known as Zebrandia. Zebrandia was cluttered, filled with vast amounts of Zebras. There were all types of Zebras in Zebrandia: White Zebras with black stripes, Black Zebras with white stripes, and even Republican Zebras with Democratic stripes. Zebrandia was a rich nation, a nation where instead of the white Zebras with black stripes controlling all of the wealth, and faking a trickle down economic society, the black Zebras with the white stripes controlled most of the wealth, producing a far great democracy. And so it was, that one day, a female, blond with brown roots, Democratic Zebra by the name of Zillary Zlinton ran for Zebredency, and ruled Zebrandia and lead Zebrandia to its golden calf years.

 

 

 

2014 Aleph Godol, My Brother Alephs, 2014 was the year that I:

• Got my license (yes, we all know that) • Started “college” • Got the pleasure having the show 24 return to TV for a bit • Got fairly involved with Friendship Circle • Started opening up to some people in JSZ • Became the captain of a high school sports team (Fremont Tennis) • Got more than 100 likes on a Facebook status and picture! • Found a way to rediscover the wonder of AZA and bond with the chapter again • Rediscovered how great action movies can be (X-Men: Days of Future Past is insane) • Started gaining confidence again (partially thanks to hip hop) • Wrote a short story for the first time • Continued unhealthily procrastinating • Failed to accomplish some really important, personal goals for myself

Best songs I discovered in 2014: 1. Coldplay/Frank Ocean – Strawberry Swing

Fun fact: “Strawberry Swing” was actually voted the 5th most relaxing in a poll done by some British institution. Awesome mindfuck music video, really happy tune and theme, and the ending of the song is probably the best minute of music I had ever heard... like I literally smiled like hell when I heard that last part of the song. 2. Kanye West – Hey Mama Yes, I'm sure many of you are already familiar with this song. Unfortunately, I didn't discover this song until earlier this year. I can tell you, though, that this song not only made me cry, it made me realize how grateful I need to be with my mom and actually improved our relationship. You should not only check out this song, but also read up on Kanye's relationship with his mom and watch him break down when trying to perform this song right after his mom died – it ALWAYS makes me cry and adds a whole new dimension to the song. 3. The Cranberries – Linger It's just a great song. Kinda slow and melancholy, but still wonderful and powerful. 4. Neon Trees – Sleeping With a Friend 5. Coldplay – U.F.O Another great Coldplay song, and it really captures the spirit of the album (Mylo Xyloto). Also a fairly slow song, but still really amazing. 6. Kanye West – Paranoid Really catchy, and easy to dance to. Best TV shows I discovered in 2014:

1. House Best Movies I Watched in 2014

1. Pi Mindfuck for days. Just an insane movie. 2. X-Men: Days of Future Past Best superhero movie I've watched in like, 3 years. 3. Don Jon Really good and funny movie. Honestly, it's perfect for dudes like us. 4. Man on Fire Denzel Washington is a BEAST!! 5. Coach Carter 6. The Bling Ring

Reports

 

 

Nimrod Michaeli Interview *throughout this entire interview, nimrod was touching various things in ronzy’s room and saying random things* Been in chapter years 2006 -2009 22 years old Where do you live? Moved back to Israel when i was 16 What do you do? Navy in Israel Most memorable moment? The havdalah The best hummus is made only by cousins (Arabs). Advice? Go on board be active as much as possible and just chill and have fun. Mushy or crumbly brownie? What the fuck is that Sports team? 49er’s motherfucker (pushes over ronzy) Asked about ronzy black belt, and proceeded to kill him Favorite color? Blue Least favorite Arabs? Despises the one who tried to kill us What if Putin took over South Africa? It would be awesome Did you play silent football? What’s that? The one where you can’t tell the rules. Oh yeah! Board positions? Was a Katav and historian shotare, 3rd Katav ever Hacky sack or Frisbee? Frisbee!!!!!!!! continuously sung: baby are you down? when is the movie barzy? in an hour What video games did you play back then? exact games in ronzy room back them, Super Smash Bros!!!!!!!!! you are so tiny! Guy hadas was tiny made ronzy cry in 1st grade favorite fast food? in n out is favorite fast food how long have you been in America? for a week and a half how do you eat chipotle? burrito what was school like? hyde, 8th grade in ELD for first half of year, went right into regular. what high school? homestead medic in the navy Most memorable event? Most memorable event was the one with the galaxy planned by Bmutz and Tal Tal Bar Hor and Bmutz inductions, holocaust inductions, Laser quest lockdown event that you planned? planned an event called teamwork sunday. Tour De France event about bikes at west valley elementary what was jsz like? did you see them at sphds? JSZ met at beth david smacks ronzys ass with the black belt, ronzy managed to tackle him and they made a truce very very israeli, more foreign than ori!!!!!! what they closed loehmans and safeway? what color was your backpack in high school? I don’t remember what is the question that you most desire to not answer? shakes his head Which cat in the hat book is your favorite, number 1 or number 2? number 1 if you had blue paint, a soccer ball, and a monkey, what do you do? make dr. suess do you like the evil mario or the regular one? neither remembers Barzy cheers did you watch how I met your mother? some Which karate kid is better? the blonde one why did you come back after your first event? really fun, nice people

Long Live Dr. Seuss  

Alumni interview

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Note from Editor

Upcoming events:

France night Community service

Marwin/lhs event Crazy Sunday w/ jsz  

WHAT THE FUCK IS A ZOO ?!?!?! by Ron Levy

A zoo is a facility in which animals are confined within enclosures, displayed to the public, and in which they may also be bred. The term zoological garden refers to zoology, the study of animals, a term deriving from the Greek zōon and lógos . The abbreviation "zoo" was first used of the London Zoological Gardens, which opened for scientific study in 1828 and to the public in 1857. The number of major animal collections open to the public around the world now exceeds 1,000, around 80 percent of them in cities. The abbreviation "zoo" first appeared in print in the UK around 1847, when it was used for the Clifton Zoo, but it was not until some 20 years later that the shortened form became popular in the song "Walking in the Zoo on Sunday" by music-hall artist Alfred Vance. Relatively new terms for zoos coined in the late 20th century are "Conservation Park" or "biopark". Adopting a new name is a strategy used by some zoo professionals to distance their institutions from the stereotypical and nowadays criticized zoo concept of the 19th century. The term "biopark" was first coined and developed by the National Zoo in Washington D.C. in the late 1980s. In 1993, the New York Zoological Society changed its name to the Wildlife Conservation Society and rebranded the zoos under its jurisdiction as "wildlife conservation parks."  

 

 

 

Execs Trip to Point and Click Room

The clock’s hands above have been swapped, find the correct time and plug it into the lock

HHMMSS in order to receive the wifi password. This is the first thing we saw when a regional board members, representatives from every chapter, and I entered the “field trip” part of execs. While the 3 days and 2 nights of execs have made at least 4 great memories, the point and Click room, or whatever this is called is a once in a lifetime experience. The best way to describe what it is, is to imagine a thinking video game, where you can point at things and get closer until you find a hint, that will get you to have to find something else, and then using a code to open a door and get away. Well imagine that, but in real life, rather than hovering with a mouse and seeing what highlights up, you need to look around a room and think which one of those numbers might we need to plug into the lock. The challenge was amazing, we needed to look around the room and find how to turn on a laser and using two mirrors, point it at one of 10 images of sunset with a hole inside the sun. We needed to put two exact weights on a scale in order to open a door to a secret room, which I’ll be honest I was scared to be there alone. The creativity and the challenge was great, let alone we had to do all of that in 1 hour, but surprisingly the only thing I’ll remember out of this night, is fighting with Jill over who will look at a telescope first, and winning.

Fraternally submitted with undying love to my heart and home, Ramon AZA #195, I will remain, and always remain, Aleph Ori Klein, your Aleph Godol for the 2014-2015 Winter term board.  

Is It Spelling? By Roey Meitav

Hey guys, want to hear something interesting? I know you do. Well, You’re going to have to wait for it, like a monkey in a zoo waiting for food (I made a zoo reference) I fit the theme!. Anyway…*waiting time*... Live is evil spelled backwards. Love is evol spelled backwards, which sounds like evil. conclusion: spell things the right way. That’s right, you should spell things the right way. You know why? Because I told you too, and you need to RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH. And as someone wth MAH AUTHORITAH, I am telling you to spell things the right way. Why? Because spellling thingz da wrogn way isnt kool. You want to be cool right? Well if you want to be cool then do what I say and spell things correctly. totes. -Roey Meitav

Articles

Christmas By Edo Builer

So today’s the last night of Hanukkah (Channuka? Hannuka? Hanukah? Hanukka? Whatever...) so logically, let’s talk about Christmas (one spelling only). Christmas in general confuses me starting with Christmas eve. On Christmas eve, I think I think everyone just goes last minute shopping and wraps presents… “Yay! It’s christmas eve, I finally get to spend time wrapping presents and going last minute shopping!” Christmas day is weird too. All I know of Christmas day is you open presents in the morning, and have dinner in the evening. What else do you do! “It’s Christmas day! Time to open presents!” Five hours later… “So do I just sit here until dinner?” Christmas music may just be the strangest thing. Basically, there are two types of Christmas music: ones written by Jewish people, and other ones written by other Jewish people. Seriously though, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, White Christmas, You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch (The words were actually written by Dr. Seuss), Rudolf the red nosed reindeer, Let it Go-Snow! I said Snow!, this is getting ridiculous. The reason there is pretty much no English songs about Hanukkah is because all the Jewish people really got into the christmas spirit. Damn it! I need to relate this to zoos… um…... uhh…… hmmmm…………….. I guess um… the malls are zoos around this time because everyone is buying Christmas presents.

The ZOO!!!

By Amit Klein dawn of the planet of the zebra’s the zebra’s were mostly the most mistreated animals on the planet. everybody looked at their naked bodies, at their long necks, and even at the way they sleep. The zebras were the most hunted animals because of their big necks. everybody could just bite at it. one day the zebra king stood up and said “hagbrluprelph” which translates into “no more shall we live in fear of humans. so after the apes took the chemical compound the zebras stole it and rampaged through the streets of africa. the humans were unprepared for the attack by the zebras so they perished under their laser beams attacks. the zebras used their long necks to cut people. the zebras were extremely drawn to big cities since they had less people. the zebras stole everything and then they destroyed the thing the stole and ate the things they destroyed. the zebras were a menace. at last the zebras grew tired of africa so they traveled to san francisco. at san francisco they fought a great battle with the apes but lost because the apess just ate their humongously necks.

THE END!!! My Ideal Zoo: A Jail

By  Ron  Barzilay  

Fact: zoos are a weird topic. Fact: I didn’t know what to write about. Fact: the first fact was actually an opinion. Fact: 99% of zoos are actually zoos. What’s the other 40% you ask? Why are you asking me?

Okay I’m back so I did some research and found out that the other 55% of zoos are actually prisons. Who are prisons? Why are prisons? Welcome to the this article show where you can find out all about your favorite prisons. What about your least favorite ones? FUCK THEM. FUCK THEM RIGHT IN THE ASS.

Okay, Ronzy here. I’m hella tired because Friendship Circle and I had a really good idea for an article on Saturday, but then I forgot it. So I’m just gonna mess around for a couple more minutes and then give this to Amit. Cool? Cool.

Prisons are really great zoos because obviously in every single way, humans are the master species. I mean if you take out the man in human, you get hu like Hugh Jackman, who has a master body if you know what I mean *wink*. I mean that he’s a very attractive man. Speaking of attractive men, jails have a lot of gay people. Do animal zoos have gay animals? FUCK NO! MAN, FUCK THE POPE! Dude the current pope is so awesome, like he’s barely even the pope. He’s more like ‘sup, jesus is cool and stuff and then he goes to hang out with Obama and hella rabbis with women.

Damn, too many tangents. When I was little tangent reminded me of tangerines. And that sounds like tambourine, which is a pretty good instrument. Speaking of music, why are nipples even sensitive? I don’t even see a reason for nipples to be sensitive. I CAN’T EVEN RIGHT NOW. You know, I think white girl stereotypes are really overdone and are not that funny anymore. I like the occasional white girl joke, but enough is enough.

Hey, you know what’s funny? Men in prison getting shanked. Like you need a Scheinkman to make that not funny. Sorry if this was weird/bad. kthxbi!

Ofek’s Song Analysis

Walden West: Shooting Star

Please won’t you catch, a shooting star for me, And take it with you on your way. Though it seems like we just met, You’re the one I won’t forget, Hope some kind wind blows you back my way. And I was thinking maybe somewhere later down the road, After all our stories have been told, I’ll sit and think of you, a dear friend I once knew, Shot through my life like a shooting star. Sometimes I know, that a part of you will show, Deep in my eyes or in my smile. There will always be a part of you, deep inside my heart, And I’ll know just when to let it go. And I was thinking maybe somewhere later down the road... You are so dear, you’re my light and shining star, You brighten up my each and every day. You are so near, but soon you’ll be so far, So why not just hold my hand today? And I was thinking maybe somewhere later down the road...

This song is one of the few songs in english that I really really like. This makes me tear up each time I think about it, and I don’t cry easily. (my eyes are already very wet) Please take a part of me with you when you go on with your life, Although we can look back at our time together like it was just an instant, I will never forget you. I hope that someday we’ll cross paths. Someday, when the excitement in our lives is in our past, and we are old and lonely, I’ll sit and think of you, a dear friend I once knew. Shot through my life like a shooting star. A part of you is always with me, you changed who I am. Sometimes I will be reminded of you by my own actions (and I’ll probably tear up again) You make me smile. Right now, we’re chill, I can chat with you no problem, I see you several times a week; but soon, you’ll be so far. So why not hug me today?

You should read my analysis at least once to see that you aren’t missing anything, but other than that, the song is pretty self-explanatory.  

 

   

  White List

 

 

Amit  Klein  

Ron  Levy  

The  Zookeeper  

Oded  Tzuri  

Ofek  Gilla  

Ronen  Burd  

Ronzy  

Roey  Meitav  

Ori  Klein