CHOOSING TO MARRY

Maturing as a person

SIGNS OF READINESS FOR

MARRIAGE

AGE

• The older the two people are at the time of marriage, the more apt the marriage is to be stable.

INDEPENDENCE

• People who can not stand on their own are not able to support someone else

PARENTAL APPROVAL

• Marrying against parents’ wishes puts stress on all the relationships involved

KNOWING EACH OTHER

• Partners who had known each other for at least five years before marrying were the happiest. The point is to know your partner well before making a lifetime pledge. This is essential to the success of a marriage.

SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY

• Families must meet the family’s physical needs for food, clothing, and shelter, and emotional needs. Fore a marriage to succeed, partners must be willing and able to take on these responsibilities .

WARNING SIGNS IT MAY NOT WORK

ABUSE

• Abuse has NO place in a loving relationship.

SUBSTANCE ABUSE

• Alcohol and drug abuse can lead to a troubled relationship. These people often have emotional problems and emotional problems make it hard for both to stay committed to the relationship, decreases self control, and more prone to acts of cruelty or physical abuse

JEALOUSY

• this shows a desire to possess and control another person. They show a complete lack of trust in their partners. Most jealous people are not comfortable with themselves.

• Common early in the relationship, but with committed couples, feelings of jealousy should be rare

ARGUMENTS

• If couples spend much of their time arguing they should seriously rethink the relationship.

• Argument is different from discussion.

• Discussions are honest, thoughtful, respectful and sticks to the subject.

• Arguments are emotional, poorly reasoned and can be hurtful or lead to physical abuse

• Arguments do not solve problems, they create them

BE REALISTIC

•

• Love alone is not enough to solve the problems married life brings.

• Some people have unrealistic expectations by expecting too much from themselves or from their partner.

• Choosing the right partner is only the first step toward a successful marriage

POINTS TO HELP YOU THINK REALISTICALLY ABOUT

MARRIAGE AND POTENTIAL MARRIAGE PARTNERS

• LOVE IS MORE THAN SEXUAL ATTRACTION

• MARRIAGE IS NOT A CURE-ALL

• WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

• DON’T EXPECT A PERFECT PARTNER

CHOOSING TO MARRY

LEARN ABOUT EACH OTHER

• Engagement period provides time for couples to discuss important issues and expectations.

• Both with have expectations for each other, for children, for relating to their families, and in other areas of their shared lives.

DEVELOP TEAMWORK

• Couples often choose complementary roles. That is each person takes on a role that supplies what the other person lacks.

• Some couples choose role sharing. They learn to work together to carry out a task. They keep in touch with each others thoughts and feelings while sharing roles.

ESTABLISH NEWRELATIONSHIPS

• What family obligations does each spouse have? Will they celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays with family members? Good relationships with families can strengthen a couples relationship.

• Discuss personal and joint friendships. Discussing expectations about friendships before marriage can decrease conflicts in this area.

SEEK ADVICE

• Some couples seek premarital counseling before marriage.

• Most counselors recommend an engagement period of six months to two years. This time depends on several factors: how well the couple knows each other, if they can handle the responsibility of marriage, and if they can support themselves financially

BROKEN ENGAGEMENTS

• Engagement is a time of preparation for marriage. For most couples this is a happy time as they prepare for a new life together. Through this process the couple may also discover that they are not ready for a marriage

• Reasons to break an engagement: poor communication patterns, inability to make decisions together, doubts about relationship, need to grow personally.

• This is hard to do, but a broken engagement is better than an unhappy marriage

QUALITIES OF A STRONG MARRIAGE

COMMITMENT

• MARRIAGE COMMITMENT: THE DESIRE TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK.

• A strong commitment means that partners put each other first. Before work, extended family, and even their children

• Schedule time together as a couple and always take care of this relationship

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

• An expectation is a belief or mental picture of the future.

• No one is perfect. It takes two partners working together to create a strong and happy marriage

ACCEPTANCE

• Partners in a strong marriage accept and value each other for who they are.

• They see that both have strengths and weaknesses and are tolerant of the differences between them.

FLEXIBILITY

• You and your partner will change. Those who accept change and learn to make the most of it have a better chance of keeping a strong relationship.

THOUGHTFULNESS

• This involves more than giving gifts, it also includes showing empathy and concern when your partner has a problem. Making a special effort to support your partner.