children and divorce. objectives telling your children reassuring self blame and fault basic needs...
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Children and Divorce
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Objectives
Telling Your ChildrenReassuringSelf Blame and FaultBasic NeedsHow to live apart with childrenHelping Children CommunicateCustody and VisitationLife After Divorce
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Telling Your Children
Always tell age appropriate truthChildren need to know whyTell them how it will impact their lifeParents should tell them togetherKeep it simple
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Reassuring
Reassure them that you will try to make things as normal for them as possible, but it will be different
Give children opportunity to voice their opinion
Limit reassurances to what you can control
Make sure you let children know you still love them and that has not changed
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Self blame and fault
Simply telling kids “it was not your fault” will not convince them – they need to talk about it
They need to talk about how they feel
They may have fantasy of their parents getting back together, make sure you address this honestly
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IDEAL WORLDIDEAL WORLD NON-IDEAL WORLDNON-IDEAL WORLD
Both parents stay involved
Fighting endsIssues focus on
needs of children
Do the best you canAcknowledge
difficultyGet supportExplain it to your
children without putting down the other parent
Basic Needs of the Child
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How to live apart with children
My house my rules – your house your rulesAgree on major parenting issuesDo not micromanage or interfereLearn to let goAllow children to establish
and manage their relationship with each parent separately
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Helping Children Communicate
Listen, listen, listenYou are not the talkerIt is ok to be awkwardLet them struggle and work through it - the
process is more importantLet them be honest and express their angerDon’t stop an urge to cry, let them cry – just
be there for them
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Custody and Visitation
What is in the children’s best interestKeeping siblings togetherWhat will be the most regular scheduleWhat can you live withEqual does not have to be equitableBe creativeThink to the future
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Life After Divorce
Accept that life will changeIf you are happy your children will be happyYou must work on your happiness
Dating Health Finances Career Personal growth/volunteerism Friends and family