Chapter Four

Love, Intimacy,

and Sexual Communicati

on

Historical Perspectives

Arrange Marriages• Dowries

BundlingMarriage for Love and Intimacy

Establishing Early IntimacyField of EligiblesPhysical Attractiveness• The “Beautiful is Better” Bias• The Effect of Media• The Matching Hypothesis

Proximity• Proximity Effect• Mere Exposure Effect

SimilarityFlirtingReciprocity of Attraction

John Lee’s Styles of Love

The Six Styles• Eros Love• Ludus Love• Storge Love• Mania Love• Pragma Love• Agape Love

Combining Love Styles

John Lee’s Styles of Love (cont.)

Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

The Three Components

• Intimacy• Passion• Commitment

Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Possible Combinations of the Three Components

• Liking (I)• Infatuation (P)• Empty Love (C)• Romantic Love (I & P)• Fatuous Love (P &C)• Companionate Love (I &C)• Consummate Love (I, P & C)

Applying the Triangular Theory

Communication In Love Relationships

Self-Disclosure: How Much Should You Reveal About Yourself?

Behavioral Attributions: Why Did You Do That?

• Relationship-enhancing Attributions• Distress-maintaining Attributions

Patterns of Effective Communication• Validating Communication• Volatile Communication• Conflict-avoiding Communication

Communication In Love Relationships (cont.)

Communication Warning Signs• Criticism• Contempt• Defensiveness• Stonewalling

Improving Communication• Understanding Intimate Communication: Six

“Simple Truths”• Enhancing Intimate Communication: Five

“Rules”

Sexual Communication

Sexual Self-disclosure• Barriers

– Lack of Information– Embarrassment– Insecurity About Using the Right Words– Sexual Taboos– Fear of Judgment– Fear of Rejection

• Strategies for Improving Sexual Communication

Losing Love: Ten Reasons Why Relationships Fail

1. Lack of Self-knowledge 2. Acceptance of Sexual Myths and Stereotypes3. Ineffective Communication4. Imbalances of Decision-making Power5. Low Self-esteem, Insecurity and Lack of Self-

confidence6. Isolation7. Failing to Keep Promises, Lying, or Cheating8. Excessive Jealousy (Normal vs. Delusional)9. Control Issues10.Violence

Abusive and Violent Relationships

Types of Relationship Abuse• Physical• Verbal• Emotional

In Touch with Your Sexual Health: Signs of Relationship Abuse

• Signs That You May Have an Abusive Partner• Signs That You May Be an Abusive Partner

Abusive and Violent Relationships (cont.)

The Cycle of Violence and Abuse

• The Honeymoon Phase and/or the Beginning of the Relationship

• The Tension-building Phase

• Explosion• Return to the

Honeymoon Phase

Getting Out and Moving On

Leaving a Violent RelationshipThe Temptation to Go BackSelf-Discovery Your Criteria for a Healthy,

Nonabusive Relationship• What Qualities Do You Require?• What Characteristics Are Unacceptable?

Loving Again