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Companion Website

Chapter 9

Teaching Writing: Helping Students to Play the Whole Range

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Sample Prompts for a Variety of Types of Analytical/Expository Essays Comparison/Contrast Essay Prompt: A Comparison and Contrast of Mariana and Miss Havisham

After carefully analyzing Tennyson's poem "Mariana" and Dickens' portrayal of Miss Havisham in Great Expectations, compare and contrast the way the two women respond to their adverse circumstances. How is the response of Mariana and Miss Havisham to being abandoned/rejected similar? In what ways do the two woman differ? Refer to specific images and symbols in the setting of both works that Tennyson and Dickens use to reveal the state of mind of their characters. Consider how each author uses tone to influence the reader's response to the characters. What is your attitude toward the two characters (are you more sympathetic to one than the other?) and what have you learned from them?

Your paper should be written in analytical/ expository form: introduction, main body, and conclusion with ample transitions and supporting evidence from the text. Use descriptive language to enrich your interpretation and follow the conventions of written English, including quoting from the text accurately.

Interpretive Essay Prompt: Character and Culture in Amy Tan's "The Moon Lady"

In the opening of Amy Tan's short story "The Moon Lady," Ying-ying says that she wants to tell her daughter that they are both lost. She goes on to say, "I did not lose myself all at once." However, a memory which she says she has kept hidden for many years--a childhood memory of becoming lost at the Moon Festival-- now comes back to her. This marks the place in her life when she first became lost, both literally and symbolically. In fact, although her parents did find Ying-ying eventually, she never believed her family "found the same girl." In a well organized essay, describe how the incident at the Moon Festival affects Ying-ying.

• How and why did she change? • How did Ying-ying's culture contribute to her transformation? • How did she allow herself to become lost symbolically?

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The best papers will move beyond a factual account of the story to a true analysis of Ying-ying's character, the change in the way she perceives herself, and the way her culture perceives her role in society. Refer to specific images and symbols in the text to support your character analysis. Use direct quotes when applicable. Your paper should be written in standard expository form (introduction, main body, and conclusion). Be sure to use precise, apt, descriptive, figurative language to show and not just tell about how the incident in Ying-ying's life affected her character. In other words, make your writing as vivid as possible for your reader. Your paper should also correctly follow the conventions of written English, including following the rules for accurately quoting from a text.

Controversial Issue Essay

Prompt: How Guilty is Macbeth? What do you think would happen if Macbeth were arrested and tried for the murder of Duncan in twentieth century America? Would he be given the death penalty? Life in prison? Could a skillful attorney plead to a lesser charge because of mitigating circumstances or get him off with an insanity plea? To what degree, if any, might his wealth and status influence the outcome of a trial? Closely analyze Macbeth’s actions in the play and decide to what extent you believe he is responsible for and should or should not be punished for the murder of Duncan. Then, write an essay justifying your decision. Your essay should: • Begin with a brief synopsis of his crime to create a context for your

argument. • Decide whether Macbeth is guilty of first degree murder. If he is not

guilty of first degree murder, then how would you classify the crime: second degree murder, voluntary manslaughter, involuntary manslaughter, or not guilty by reason of insanity?

• Cite ample evidence from the text about Macbeth’s motivation and his actions to support your classification of murder (or insanity), including direct quotations, where appropriate. (Note: You may refer to Macbeth’s actions later in the play as part of your argument but your focus must be on how this evidence supports your assessment of how Macbeth should be charged for the murder of Duncan.)

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• Acknowledge opposing points of view and overcome those points of view with logical reasons.

• Close by stating what type of sentence Macbeth should receive based on the charge you have determined and explain why that sentence is appropriate.

Your paper should be written in standard expository form. Follow the conventions of standard written English, including correct paragraphing, punctuation, grammar, and spelling throughout, as well as quoting from the text accurately. Speculation on Causes and Effects Essay Prompt: Speculating About Master Harold In Athol Fugard's play Master Harold..and the boys, Hally has lots of problems that cause him great frustration. We've looked at his problems and how he has dealt with them. We've seen that he has had Sam to guide him -- to teach him as well as to learn from him. When Hally becomes so frustrated by his father that he has to strike out, he strikes at this guide. Brutally, he insults Sam and turns on him. In one sense, Hally has broken his ties with Sam and now is alone. Even though Sam has forgiven him, Hally walks out. Why do you suppose he does this? Why can't he make up with Sam? Do you think he will want, or be able, to reestablish his relationship with Sam? What do you predict he will do? What do you know about him thus far that helps you make this prediction? Write an essay in which you speculate about Hally's relationship with Sam after the curtain falls. Do you think he will be able to repair their friendship? Explain your prediction clearly and support it with a strong analysis of Hally and his past relationships (both to Sam and to his father), as well as his motivations for making the decisions he makes. Approach writing speculation as you would any expository essay of argumentation. Begin your essay by stating your prediction and defining the context or situation from which your speculative claim arises. Your interpretation of Hally's character must be based on logical inferences about his motivations. The body of your essay must offer your analysis of your prediction. Any situations in the plot that might appear to work

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against your claim must be considered and explained. The tone of your speculation should be authoritative, convincing the reader that you have thought through the subject thoroughly. Convince your readers that your ideas are plausible, and that you have seriously considered the question of Hally's potential for reconciliation with Sam. Write in analytical/expository form (introduction, main body, conclusion) and follow the conventions of standard written English.

(Simpson, 1996, p. 25) Evaluation/Persuasive Essay Prompt: Who is a Tragic Hero? Tragedy and the Common Man Using Arthur Miller's concept of tragedy and definition of the tragic hero in his essay "Tragedy and the Common Man" as a point of reference, write an evaluative and persuasive essay in which you establish a case either for or against the character of Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman as a tragic hero. If you feel that there are convincing arguments for both perspectives, you may present both pros and cons; but you must, ultimately, side with one position or the other. In developing your argument, be sure to explain Miller's criteria for the tragic hero and assess Willy Loman against that criteria. You may want to consider these questions:

• What is the essence of Willy's dream? What is he searching for? • Who or what is responsible for Willy's present state of mind? • In what ways do Willy's sons reflect his values, his deficiencies,

his frustrations, and his dreams? Be sure to document your main points with evidence from the play. Refer to specific scenes, quote from the text, consider relevant symbols, image patterns, stage directions, etc. Your job is to persuade your reader that your evaluation of Willy as meeting or failing to meet Miller's criteria for a tragic hero is valid. Your essay should be in standard essay format: introduction, main body, conclusion with ample transitions and logical development. Follow the conventions for standard written English including the rules for accurately quoting from the text.

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Reflective Essay Prompt: We Are Many We have been talking and thinking about how and why people have many selves. You have explored your own experience and studied the experience of the poet Pablo Neruda as described in his poem "We Are Many." You have also created images to help look at what these experiences might symbolize in the world. Combine all of these experiences and your thinking into a reflective essay about people and their many selves. Remember, reflective writing often begins with a specific event and then moves into an abstract reflection about it. One in-depth personal experience or several brief, yet specific, experiences may stimulate the writer to reflect. Reflective writing is personal, often informal, exploratory, perhaps inconclusive. In it you ponder, wonder, and move toward a fresh awareness of a truth about human nature. Write an essay in which you reflect on people and their many selves. You may want to begin by writing about your own experiences-- either literally or in terms of the image you created to represent them-- and how they compare to the ideas Neruda wrote about in his poem "We Are Many." Then, explore whatever ideas occur to you as you think about what these kinds of experiences tell us about how people behave and what we can learn about human nature in general from them as examples. Be sure to show the process of your wonderings and ponderings.

(Simpson, 1996, p. 398)

References Simpson, J. (1992). Justifying a decision. In C.B. Olson (Ed.), Thinking/writing: Fostering

critical thinking through writing (pp. 365-378). New York: Harper Collins. Reprinted with permission of the author.

Simpson, J. (1996). Reflecting about our many selves. In C.B. Olson (Ed.), Reading,

thinking and writing about multicultural literature (pp. 388-411). Glenview, IL: Scott Foresman. Reprinted with permission of the author.

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Seashell Poem

As I gaze into First it is And then it is And then it is like And then it is like And then it becomes And now it is And now it is And now I am

Author

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Models of Autobiographical Incident Writing

Cisneros, S. (1984). The House on Mango Street. New York: Vintage. Campbell, B.M. (1989). Sweet Summer: Growing Up With and Without My Dad. New York: G.P.

Putnam’s. (See especially Campbell’s description of her trip south, pages 40-43.) Cruickshank, J. (1990). Life Lived Like a Story. Lincoln, NE: University of Nebraska. Harris, A. (Ed.) (1987). Portraits of Southern Childhood. Chapel, Hill, SC: University of North

Carolina Press. (All of these reminiscences are based upon photographs.) hooks, b. (1996) Bone Black: Memories of Girlhood. New York: Holt and Co. McBride, J. (1996). The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother. New York:

Riverhead Books. Petrakis, M. (1996). “A Whole Nation and a People.” In C. B. Olson (Ed.), Reading, Thinking,

And Writing About Multicultural Literature. Evanston, IL: Scott Foresman. Soto, G. (1990). A Summer Life. New York: Dell. (See especially “The Haircut.”) Soto, G. (1995) “The Jacket.” In M. Frosch (Ed.), Coming of Age in America: A Multicultural

Anthology. New York: W.W. Norton Tan, A. (1997). “Fish Cheeks.” In X.J. Kennedy, D. M. Kennedy, and J. E. Aaron, (Eds.) 6th ed.

The Bedford Reader. Boston: Bedford-St. Martins.

Note: Several of these titles were recommended by Dan Kirby, former Professor of Education, University of Colorado, Denver.

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Prompt for the Memory Snapshot Paper Select a photograph that you associate with a significant memory. It can be a picture of you at any age, of another family member (or the whole family) or other significant person, of a vacation, an important event, a special place, etc. (Note: If you have a vivid mental snapshot inside your head that you do not have a photograph of, but that you very much want to bring to life, this is OK.) Think about why you chose your snapshot (tangible one and/or the mental one). How and why did the experience it contains make a lasting impression on you?

Your task will be to create a written mental snapshot which captures your photograph in words and creates a You are there feeling in the reader. Use the “magic camera” of your pen to zoom in on your subject and create rich sensory details (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, and movement). Remember that you can make you snapshot a “moving picture” by adding action and dialogue. Also, give the reader more panoramic views of thoughts, feelings, and big ideas to create a frame for your specific details.

You will be writing an autobiographical incident about your memory/snapshot. An autobiographical incident focuses on a specific time period and a particular event that directly involves you. Your goal is not tell about your event but to show what happened by dramatizing the event. You may write in present tense, as if your event were happening now, or in past tense, to describe your incident as a recollection.

Your Memory Snapshot paper will have a setting that leaves the reader with a dominant visual impression, a plot or story line, and characters. However, the nature of your memory may cause you to place your emphasis on one these elements over the others. Throughout your paper and, particularly in your conclusion, you should show (and not tell) the reader why this memory is so significant for you. The most effective papers will: • Open with a strong hook that draws the reader into the incident and makes him/her

want read on; • Use a consistent “I” point of view; • Contain rich sensory/descriptive details (i.e. written snapshots ) including sight,

sound, taste, smell, touch, and movement) that create a picture in words;

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• Contain a clear sequence of events (not necessarily in chronological order) that helps the reader follow the story line;

• Use strong, interesting verbs to create action that keeps the reader engaged; • Include well described characters (unless the writer is alone and, in this case, the

writer may want to use flashbacks to bring characters in) and dialogue to show characters interacting;

• Reveal the character’s inner thoughts through interior monologue/thoughtshots; • Leave the reader with a dominant visual impression even if the writer uses a focused

“photo album’’ technique (i.e. a series of snapshots) rather than just one snapshot; • Use all of the above elements to create a You are there feeling in the reader; • Create a satisfying conclusion that shows and doesn’t just tell why the memory is

significant; • Correctly follow the conversions of written English (spelling, grammar, punctuation,

and sentence structure).

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Sound

Smell

Sight

Touch

Taste

Movement

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VOCABULARY OF THE SENSES

The Sense of Sound babble bang bark bawl bay beat bell bellow blab blabber-mouth blare blast blubber boom bray buzz cackle caw chant chatter cheep cheer chime chirp chuckle clack clamor clang clank clink cluck converse coo crackle crash creak croak croon

cry deaf deafening din drawl drone dumb eavesdrop echo fizz gab gabble giggle gobble gong gossip groan growl gruff grumble grunt gurgle harmony hear hiss hoarse honk hoot howl hubbub hullabaloo hum hush jabber

jaw jeer jingle knock laugh laughter lecture lisp listen loud low melody melodious mew (meow) moan monotone monotonous moo mum mumble murmur mute mutter neigh noise noisy overhear pad patter peal peep pitch plunk

preach purr quack quiet racket rant rap rasp rattle rave recite rhythm ring ripple roar roll rumble rustle say scream screech shriek shrill shout silent silence sing singsong siren sizzle slam smack snarl snort snuffle song sonic boom

soundless speak speech speechless splash splutter squall squawk squeak squeal stammer stereophonic swish tap tattle thud thump thunder tick tinkle tool tom-tom tone tongue-tied toot tread trill trumpet tune twang twitter undertow uproar vocal voice volume

warble weep whimper whine whiney whinny whisper whistle whoop yap yell yelp yip yodel yowl

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crow crunch

jangle pop prattle

sound wail

(From the Garden Grove Unified School District Instructional Services Center.

Reprinted with permission.) The Sense of Sound--Some Useful Classifications

to hear - eavesdrop, hear, listen, overhear to talk - blab, chat, chatter, converse, drawl, gossip, jabber, lecture, lisp, mumble,

murmur, mutter, prattle, preach, rant, rave, recite, say, shout, speak, stammer, stutter, tattle, whisper

to express grief or sadness - bawl, blubber, cry, groan, moan, wail, weep, whimper to express happiness - cackle, chuckle, giggle, laugh, roar, squeal, whoop a loud or penetrating noise - bang, bellow, blare, blast, boom, bray, cheer, clamor, clang,

crash, din, howl, racket, roar, scream, screech, shriek, shout, slam, squeal, thunder, uproar, wail, whistle, whoop, yap, yell, yelp

a soft or low noise - buzz, chirp, chuckle, creak, croon, drawl, fizz, giggle, groan, growl,

gurgle, hiss, hoarse, hum, jingle, mew (meow), moan, mumble, murmur, purr, rumble, rustle, sizzle, snarl, squeak, swish, thud, tinkle, undertone, warble, whimper, whisper

animal noises - bark, bay, bleat, bray, cackle, caw, cheep, chirp, cluck, coo, croak, crow,

gobble, growl, grunt, hiss, honk, hoot, howl, mew (meow), moo, neigh, peep, purr, quack, screech, snarl, squeak, squeal, twitter, whimper, whinny, yap, yelp, yip, yowl

a confused noise - babble, buzz, cackle, shatter, din, hubbub, hullabaloo, hum, racket,

twitter, uproar an angry noise - bellow, growl, grumble, grunt, jaw, jeer, mutter, roar, shout, snarl,

snort, splutter, yell a musical sound - chant, chime, harmony, hum, jingle, melody, peal, plunk, rhythm,

song, trill, tune, volume, yodel musical instrument - bell, chime, drum, gong, tom-tom, trumpet, whistle

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bell sounds - boom, chime, clang, peal, ring, tinkle, toll percussion sounds - bang, beat, boom, clang, rattle, rumble, thump, thunder wind instrument sounds - blare, bleat, toot, trumpet stringed instrument sounds - plunk, strum, twang inexpressive sounds - drone, monotone, sing-song pleasant sounding - harmonious, melodious unpleasant sounding - deafening, monotonous, sing-song, whiney not hearing - deaf noiseless - dumb, mute, quiet, silent, soundless, speechless, still, tongue-tied

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admire appear appearance array attractive auburn beautiful beauty becoming binoculars black blank blare blaze blazing bleached bleary blind blindness blink blond blot blue blur blurred bright brighten brightness brilliance brindle brown brunette clean clear color colorful colored colorless

dazzle dazzling dim dingy dirty discolor discolored distinct drab dusky dye eye eyewitness fade faded faint fair farsighted flash flashy flicker foggy freckled gaudy gawk gaze glance glare glasses gleam gleaming glimmer glimpse glint glitter glittering glisten

glow glowing goggle good-looking gorgeous gray green grimy homely hue illusion image indistinct invisible light look looking glass magnify microscope mirage mirror misty mottled murky nearsighted notice observe observant observer observation ogle orange pale pastel

perception picture pigment pink polished pretty purple radiance radiant recognize red reflect reflection reflector reveal review scan scene scrutiny see shade shadowy sharp sighted sheen sheer shimmer shimmering shine shining shiny show showy sight smeared smudged soiled sooty sparkle

splotched spy squint stain stained stare streak streaked stripe striped sunny survey tarnish tarnished telescope tinge tint transparent twinkle twinkling ugly ugliness unattractive view viewpoint visible vision vista visual visualize watch watchful well groomed white witness yellow

The Sense of Sight

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crystal dappled dark darken

glistening gloom gloomy gloss glossy

peek peep peer periscope perceive

sparkling speckled spectacle spectator spectrum

The Sense of Sight -- Some Useful Classifications

to see or look at - admire, eye, gawk, glance, glare, glimpse, goggle, look, notice, observe, ogle, peek, perceive, recognize, review, scan, see, sight, spy, squint, stare, survey, view, watch, witness

to show or reflect - glaze, brighten, dazzle, flash, flicker, glare, gleam, glimmer, glint,

glitter, glisten, glow, reflect, shimmer, shine, sparkle, twinkle to alter or change color or clarity - blot, blur, brighten, darken, dim, fade, flicker,

magnify a look at something - glance, glimpse, look, observation, peek, peep, survey color or an aspect of color - auburn, black, blond, blue, brunette, dye, gray, green, hue,

orange, pastel, pigment, pink, purple, red, spectrum, tinge, tint, white, yellow

one who sees or looks - eyewitness, observer, spectator, spy, witness brightness - blare, blaze, brightness, brilliance, dazzle, flash, flicker, glare, flint, gloss,

glow, light, radiance, sheen, shimmer, shine, sparkle, twinkle darkness - blindness, gloom, shade, tarnish instruments of seeing - binoculars, glasses, looking glass, microscope, mirror, periscope,

reflector, telescope attractive looking - attractive, beautiful, becoming, good-looking, gorgeous, handsome,

pretty, well-groomed unattractive looking - homely, ugly, unattractive easy to see - clear, distinct, transparent, visible hard to see - bleary, blurred, dark, dim, indistinct, invisible, murky

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unable to see well - blind, nearsighted, farsighted able to see well - observant, sharp sighted, watchful bright - blazing, bright, brilliant, dazzling, flashy, gaudy, gleaming, glittering,

glistening, glossy, polished, radiant, shimmering, shining, shiny, showy, sparkling, twinkling

dark - black, dark, dim, dusky, gloomy, murky, shadowy, sooty colorless - blank, bleached, drab, faded, pale mottled - bleary, blurred, brindle, dappled, freckled, mottled, speckled, spotted,

streaked, striped discolored - dingy, dirty, discolored, grimy, speared, smudged, soiled, sooty, splotched,

spotted, tarnished

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alive blush blushing bristly brush bumpy caress chill chilly coarse cold coldness contact cool crawly creepy crisp cuddly dab damp deadened downy dull dry dusty feathery feel feeling feverish firm flabby flat fluffy flush flushed fondle fumble furry fuzzy

greasy gritty gummy hairy handle hard heavy hit hot humid itch juicy jumpy lifeless light limp lukewarm lumpy massage maul moist numb oily pat peck pet pinch powdery prickly pull push rough rub

shudder shuddering shuddery shove silky slap slick slimy slippery smooth soft solid spongy springy squashy squeeze stiff sting stinging stretchy strike stroke sweaty tag tap temperature tepid texture thorny tickle ticklish tingle touch tough toughened uneven velvety vibrate vibrating

The Sense of Touch

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gooey grab grasp grainy

sandy scratch scratchy sharp shiver

warm warmth wet woolly

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The Sense of Touch -- Some Useful Classifications

to touch something - brush, caress, dab, feel, grab, grasp, handle, hit, pat, pinch, rub,

scratch, smooth, squeeze, strike, tag, tap, tickle to respond to a stimulus - blush, chill, cool, flush, itch shiver, shudder, tingle, warm a touch - brush, caress, contact, dab, hit, pat, pinch, rub, scratch, squeeze, sting, strike,

stroke, tag, tap, tickle a feeling (as a result of being touched or affected by something) - blush, chill, coldness,

feeling, flush, itch, shiver, shudder, tingle, warmth

warm or hot feeling - blushing, feverish, flushed, hot, humid, lukewarm, sweaty, warm cool or cold feeling - chilly, cold, cool, crisp, shivering shuddering dry feeling - dry, dusty, hot, powdery wet feeling - damp, humid juicy, moist, squashy sticky feeling - gooey, gummy, sticky, sweaty oily feeling - greasy, oily, sharp, silky, slick, slippery, smooth, velvety smooth feeling - flat, greasy, oily, sharp, silky, slick, slippery, smooth, velvety rough feeling - bristly, coarse, dull, grainy, gritty, hairy, lumpy, rough, sandy, scratchy,

uneven soft feeling - downy, feathery, flabby, fluffy furry, fuzzy, limp, powdery, silky, soft,

spongy, squashy, velvety, woolly hard feeling - crispy, firm, hard, solid, stuff, tough springy feeling - alive, flabby, jumpy, shuddering, spongy, springy, squashy, stretchy,

vibrating solid feeling - firm, hard, solid, tough

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light feeling - downy, feathery, fluffy, light, powdery heavy feeling - heavy, solid feeling full of movement - alive, jumpy, shivering, shuddering, vibrating feeling without movement - chilly, cold, dead, lifeless unclean feeling - greasy, gritty, gummy, slimy, sticky, sweaty uneasy or uncomfortable feeling - chilly, cold, crawly, creepy, feverish, flushed, jumpy,

shivery, shuddery unable to feel - cold, deadened, numb, toughened responsive to touch - jumpy, ticklish

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The Sense of Taste

acid appetizing biting bitter bland curdled delicious distasteful flavor flavored flavorless flavorsome gingery green

high-seasoned honeyed hot insipid luscious mellow nauseating palatable peppery ripe rotten

salty savor season seasoned seasoning sharp sip sour spice spiced spicy spoiled stale sugary sweet tainted tangy

tart taste tasteless tasty unappetizing unflavored unpalatable unripe unseasoned untainted vinegary yummy

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The Sense of Taste -- Some Useful Classifications

to taste something - savor, sip, taste to give taste to something - flavor, season, spice a taste - flavor, savor, taste an agent to alter taste - flavor, seasoning, spice sweet tasting - acid, curdled sharp tasting - bitter, salty, sharp, tangy, tart, vinegary hot or spicy tasting - biting, gingery, hot, peppery, spiced, spicy bland tasting or tasteless - bland, flavorless, insipid, tasteless, unflavored, unpalatable,

unseasoned ripe tasting - mellow, ripe unripe tasting - green, unripe spoiled tasting - curdled, rotten, spoiled, tainted good tasting - appetizing, delicious, flavorsome, luscious, tasty, yummy

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bad tasting - biting, bitter, distasteful, nauseating, rotten, sour, spoiled, stale, tainted, tasteless, unappetizing, unpalatable, unripe, unseasoned, vinegary

having a taste - flavored, high-seasoned, seasoned, spiced

The Sense of Smell

aroma aromatic bouquet deodorant deodorize deodorized deodorizer fragrance fragrant fumes incense moldy musty

rancid rank reek scent scented smell smelly sniff snuff spice spicy stench stink stinky strong-scented strong-smelling sweet-scented sweet-smelling

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odor odorless perfume perfumed pungent putrid

whiff

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The Sense of Smell -- Some Useful Classifications

to smell something - scent, smell, sniff, snuff, whiff to give out a smell - perfume, reek, smell, stink to add to or disguise a smell - to deodorize, perfume, scent, spice a smell - aroma, bouquet, fragrance, fumes, odor, perfume, scent, smell, stench, stink,

whiff an agent to add to or disguise a smell - deodorant, deodorizer, incense, perfume, scent sharp or spicy smelling - moldy, musty, putrid, rancid bad smelling - rank, smelly, stinky, strong-scented, strong-smelling lacking in smell - deodorized, odorless

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Open Mind

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Directions for Responding to the Memory Snapshot Paper (These annotations go directly on the text)

Pointing

• Use yellow highlighter to point to the writer’s golden lines.

• Write: great line, nicely put, super image, etc.

Telling

Tell how you are reacting to the piece.

• We thought this was really funny.

• Wow! We loved this scene.

• This kept us in suspense..

• We were with you here.

• We got lost at the point where…

Summarizing

• Summarize what you think the writer was trying to convey at the bottom of the

response page.

• Write: So what you’re saying is…

The main theme of your piece seems to be…

One word that summarizes your paper for us is…

Other Helpful Notations:

?-Put this where you are confused as readers.

Show more—Put this where the writer could use more showing writing.

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Too much—Put this where the paper is overwritten and where paring away some of the

descriptive language will actually help highlight the most effective words and phrases.

Also make suggestions like:

Try to dialogue here; add a thoughtshot; add more details; try a metaphor here; how about a flashback here; etc.

Peer Response Sheet for the Memory Snapshot Paper

Responders:

To the author of:

We gave your paper an in progress score of:

We feel the strengths of your paper are:

Our favorite part was:

We felt/didn’t feel like we were there with you because:

As you revise your paper to hand in for evaluation, we would suggest the following:

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In terms of your handling of the conventions of written English (spelling, grammar,

sentence structure, etc.), your paper appeared to:

ο Have many errors ο Have a few errors ο Be error free

Overall, we thought what you were trying to show was:

Scoring Rubric for the Memory Snapshot Paper 6 Superior A 6 paper is clearly superior—well written, vividly described, insightful, and technically correct. A 6 paper will do most or all of the following well: • Open with a strong and compelling hook that draws the reader into the incident and

makes him/her want to read on. • Use a consistent “I” point of view. • Contain especially rich sensory/descriptive details (i.e. written snapshots) including

sight, sound, taste, smell, touch, and movement) that create a picture in words. • Effectively portray a clear sequence of events (not necessarily in chronological order)

that helps the reader follow the story line. • Use particularly strong, interesting verbs to create action that keeps the reader

engaged. • Include well described characters (unless the writer is alone and, in this case, the

writer may want to use flashbacks to bring characters in) and effective dialogue to show characters interacting.

• Insightfully reveal the character’s inner thoughts through interior monologue or thoughtshots.

• Leave the reader with a dominant visual impression even if the writer uses a focused “photo album” technique (i.e. a series of snapshots) rather than just one snapshot.

• Use all of the above elements especially effectively to create a You are there feeling in the reader.

• Come to a satisfying conclusion that effectively shows and doesn’t just tell why the memory is significant.

• Correctly follow the conventions of written English (spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure) with few if any errors.

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5 Commendable A 5 paper is still impressive and well written but may lack the impact that a 6 paper has on the reader. A 5 paper will do most or all of the following well: • Open with a relatively strong hook that draws the reader into the incident and

makes him/her want to read on. • Use a consistent “I” point of view. • For the most part, contain rich sensory/descriptive details (i.e. written snapshots)

including sight, sound, taste, smell, touch, and movement) that create a picture in words.

• Contain a clear sequence of events (not necessarily in chronological order) that helps the reader follow the story line.

• Use some strong, interesting verbs to create action that keeps the reader engaged. • Include relatively well described characters (unless the writer is alone and, in this

case, the writer may want to use flashbacks to bring characters in) and dialogue to show characters interacting.

• Reveal the character’s inner thoughts through interior monologue or thoughtshots. • Leave the reader with a relatively dominant visual impression even if the writer

uses a focused “photo album” technique (i.e. a series of snapshots) rather than just one snapshots.

• Use all of the above elements reasonably effectively to create a you are there feeling in the reader.

• Come to a reasonably satisfying conclusion that, shows and doesn’t just tell why the memory is significant.

• Correctly follow the conventions of written English (spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure.) May have a few errors but none that interfere with the writer’s message.

4 Adequate A 4 paper is adequately written but lacks the overall impressiveness of the 5 or 6 paper. A 4 paper will do most or all of the following: • Open with a some sense of a hook that draws the reader into the incident and makes

him/her want to read on; • Use a consistent “I” point of view; • Contain some sensory/descriptive details (i.e. written snapshots) including sight,

sound, taste smell, touch and movement) that create a picture in words; • Contain some sense of a sequence of events (not necessarily in chronological order)

that helps the reader follow the story line; • Use some interesting verbs to create action that keeps the reader engaged;

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• Include characters (unless the writer is alone and, in this case, the writer may want to use flashbacks to bring characters in) and dialogue (but which may not be particularly effective) to show characters interacting;

• May or may not reveal the character’s inner thoughts through interior monologue or thoughtshots;

• Leave the reader with a less dominant visual impression than an 5 or 6 paper. • Does not come to as strong of a You are there feeling in the reader as a 5 or 6 paper. • Create a conclusion that shows more than tells why the memory is significant; • Contain some errors in the conventions of written English (spelling, grammar,

punctuation, and sentence structure), some of which may begin to interfere which the reader’s concentration.

3 Barely Adequate A 3 paper will satisfy the requirements of the prompt but only in a very marginal way. A 3 paper will do most or all of the following: • Open with a weak hook that does not draw the reader into the incident. • May not use a consistent “I” point of view. • Contain little sensory/descriptive details (i.e. written snapshots) including sight,

sound, taste, smell, touch, and movement) that create a picture in words. • Contain a less clear sequence of events; may be difficult to follow. • Use few interesting verbs to create action that keeps the reader engaged; • Include poorly described characters (unless the writer is alone and, in this case, the

writer may want to use flashbacks to bring characters in) and no dialogue or ineffective dialogue to show characters interacting;

• Fail to reveal the character’s inner thoughts through interior monologue or thoughtshots;

• Does not leave the reader with a dominant visual impression; • Does not create much of a You are there feeling in the reader; • Just tells why the memory is significant rather than shows or fails to even tell why

the memory is significant; • Contain many errors in the conventions of written English (spelling, grammar,

punctuation, and sentence structure), many of which hamper the reader’s understanding.

2 Little Evidence of Achievement A 2 paper is an insufficient attempt to write to the prompt. It has all of the weaknesses of a 3 paper but they are compounded by serious technical errors that interfere with the reader’s understanding of the writer’s narration of the memory.

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A 2 paper: • Fail to open with a hook. • May not use the “I” point of view. • Contain telling instead of showing and uses few, if any, sensory details. • Fail to create a You are there feeling in the reader. • Fail to narrate the memory clearly or show why it is significant • Contain serious errors in the conventions of written English that interfere with the

reader’s understanding of the text. 1 Minimal Evidence of Achievement A 1 paper fails to respond to the text and says so little so poorly that the reader cannot decipher the writer’s message.

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Student Model: Saturation Report

Female Mud Wrestling

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to KRAZ’s YOU ASKED FOR IT. “Dave Meltzer reporting live from McChonahay’s in Costa Mesa. Tonight, my crew and I are going to broadcast a most unusual spectacle -- FEMALE MUD WRESTLING.

“Excuse me, sir, would you mind telling the viewers what your occupation is and why you are attending this event tonight?”

“Not at all,” he said. “My name is Jim Jacobsen and I’m a Professor of Psychology at the University of California at Irvine.”

“That’s very interesting, Jim. Are you conducting some research?”

“Are you kidding?” He smiled as he spoke. “I’m here for the same reason that most people are here --having a good time.” (Shrugging my shoulders…) “Well, so much for our system of higher education.”

“Excuse me, Why are you here?”

A young man with blonde hair, wearing a cowboy hat replies, “To watch the chicks wrestle in the mud.”

“You look like an attractive lady. Why are you here?”

“To find a man, honey.”

“In that case, try the blonde with the cowboy hat.”

Bob Barison, the master of ceremonies for female mud wrestling, enters the room. “Bob, over here.

From C. B. Olson (Ed.). (1997). Practical ideas for teaching writing as a process at the high school and college levels (pp. 138-142). Sacramento, CA: California Department of Education. Reprinted with permission.

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“Ladies and gentlemen, this is Bob Barison, this evening’s master of ceremonies. Bob, how did

you ever get involved with this crazy event?”

“Well (slight pause), it began about four months ago when I was travelling across the Midwest. I

happened upon a little bar in Kansas that was displaying a banner advertising Thursday night female

mud wrestling. My curiosity got the better of me and so I decided to stick around and watch. I was truly

amazed at the way the girls really put their all into mud wrestling and at the crowd’s reactions. I thought

to myself that it would go over big in southern California. When I returned to California, I approached a

number of bar owners about my ideas, but McChonahay’s was the only one willing to listen. We decided

to give it a try. There you have it. Business has tripled so far, and there’s no end in sight.”

“That’s very interesting, Bob. Do you enjoy this line of work?”

“You bet,” he answers. “Where else can you drink for free, say and do anything you want while

the customers scream for more, see beautiful ladies wrestle, and be able to collect a paycheck for it?”

“I have to admit, it sounds great. Thanks for spending a few minutes with us, Bob.”

The “grounds crew,” as they are called, start preparing the ring. The ring consists of four foam

blocks approximately six feet long and one foot wide that are hooked together by nylon straps to form a

square. Inside the square the “ grounds crew” lays some more foam and covers it with plastic. Then the

whole area inside the square is filled with cool, slimy mud. A bathtub arrangement is located off to the

right, where the girls will be washed off after the match.

“It is time for tonight’s main event.” (The cameras turn to Bob who is making the

announcement.)

“Awright! Awright!” he yells. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to

McChonahay’s for a very, very crowded Tuesday night. Let me introduce myself. I am Bob Barison, your

emcee for the evening. I will give you folks the play-by-play action until the very end. Are you ready for

female mud wrestling?” (The crowded starts chanting “mud, mud, mud.”)

“Awright! How many of you here tonight have seen female mud wrestling before?” (Lots of

whistles and yells from the audience.) “How many of you are here tonight for your first time? (About

half the crowd raise their hands while the rest continue chanting “mud, mud, mud.”)

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“For those of you do not know what this is, this is female mud wrestling.

“We have three different weight categories: the lightweights, the middleweights, and the

heavyweights. The lightweights we call the Cream-puff Cuties, the middleweights are called the

Middleweight Ms., and the heavyweights are called the Hefty Hunnies.”

“Awright! Awright!” the audience yells.

“This is an audience participation sport. Your cheers, boos, and financial support are all greatly

appreciated. Let me give you the rules and regulations of Female Mud Wrestlers Association of Southern

California:

“Rule Number 1 -- The ladies must be in the mud at all times.” (The crowd begins whistling and

chanting to start.)

“Rule Number 2 -- The ladies cannot remove each other’s clothing.” (The crowd begins booing

and chanting, “Skin to win, skin to win!”)

“Rule Number 3 -- No scratching, no pulling of each other’s hair, and no biting.” (Crowd

continues booing.)

“Rule Number 4 -- There will not be any men allowed in the mud (still more boos) unless, of

course, they are invited.” (Crowd begins whistling and cheering.)

Bob yells, “Are you ready for female mud wrestling?”

The crowd screams, “We are ready. Skin to win.”

“Is that the best you can do? Are you ready for female mud wrestling?

“Ladies and gentlemen, to start things off this evening, we will begin with the Hefty Hunnies.”

(The crowd begins chanting, “Here come hunnies; here come the hunnies.”)

Bob introduces the challenger for the event. “Our first lady is reminiscent of those wonder

women, bionic women, and other strange looking chicks --Wild Wilma.” (As she enters, the disc jockey

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starts playing the song by the group Queen, “Sheer Heart Attack.”) She makes her way to the ring

dancing, taking off bits and pieces of her Wonder Woman outfit until all that’s left is her wrestling suit,

which consists of a one-piece bathing suit and some dark-shaded nylons.

Bob says, “Awright, let’s have a big hand for the challenger. Now it is a great honor to introduce

to you the champion for the past five weeks, Smooth Movin’ Sam.” (The crowd begins chanting, “Sam,

Sam, Sam.”) As she makes her entrance, the D. J. starts playing the song by Foreigner, “Cold as Ice.”

Sam goes through a similar routine, collecting the money and stripping down.

“Okay, ladies, in the mud,” Bob says to them.

“Are you ready? Let’s count it down -- everyone together. You’ve got 5…4…3…2…1…mud

wrestle!”

Right away Wilma’s in trouble. The champ has her shoulders in the mud. She is trying

desperately to free herself from the champ’s powerful grip. All of a sudden, Wilma throws her legs up

and catches Sam around her neck. The whistle sounds.

Bob yells, “Did you see that? Wild Wilma got out of that mess smooth as silk. Can she upset the

champ tonight? We will have to wait and see. Are you ladies ready? Wrestle!”

Sam charges at Wilma, pulling her power play, trapping the challenger in a full body press

between her powerful shoulders and thighs. Wilma doesn’t stand a chance.

“She is down; it’s a pin.” The referee sounds the whistle.

In the second round, Wilma tries desperately to gain some points after that last pin but to no

avail. But in round three, Sam is beginning to show signs of fatigue. Wild Wilma is all over Sam, toying

with the champ as if she were a rag doll.

Bob announces, “The champ is in trouble now. Wilma has Sam on her back. She is positioning

for the pin. 3…2…1…It’s a pin!” (The whistle sounds, signaling the end of the match.)

The crowd is going crazy -- screaming, hollering, and throwing dollars into the air. Someone

from the audience yells, “One more round.”

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Bob asks, “How many of you work overtime for nothing? You want another round? Then give

these girls some encouragement. Let’s see those greenbacks.” (The crowd begins to cough up the

dough.)

“Thank you, folks. No, we don’t accept VISA,” Bob chuckles.

“Well, that’s it for tonight, ladies and gentlemen. We’d like to stay for that extra round, but

we’ve got to get back to the studio. Thank you for tuning in tonight. This is Dave Meltzer, live at

McChonahay’s for FEMALE MUD WRESTLING, signing off.”

Dave Meltzer Irvine Valley College

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“The Stolen Party”: Student Papers

CODE: 22115 I think Rosaura feels excited about going to the party. Rosaura's mom doesn't really want Rosaura to go to the party because she thinks only rich people are going. Rosaura is very excited about seeing the monkes. Rosaura's mom thinks monkeys at a party is nonsense. Rosaura's mom scrath her Christmas dress so she could wear it. Rosaura thought she looked terribly pretty with her white and glossy dress and glossy hair. When Rosaura got to the part Señora Ines also seemed to notice how pretty she looked. Señora Ines wanted Rosaura to serve the drinks because she was the only one who wasn't boisterous at the party. I think Rosaura felt angry with Rosaura's cousin because she was saying that she wasn't Luciana's friend. I also think Rosaura was feeling a little nervous because all the questions she was asking. When Rosaura was passing the cake out and she was giving big slices of cake and give Luciana a thin piece that you could see thrue. Rosaura feels a little nervous when the magician chosed her to help him. Rosaura feels happy when the magician tells her thank you. When Rosaura was going home Señora Ines wanted to giver money. Rosaura felt sad because she though she was going to the party because she was a friend not because she was going like a slave. Rosauras feelings change a lot at the end

Note to readers from Carol Booth Olson. Color-coding is an art and not a science. Individual teachers may not always agree on how to code every sentence. The discussion regarded why people disagree is actually very valuable. Overall, I find that color-coding does give students a helpful visual re: whether they are simply retelling or also interpreting and providing evidence.

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because at the beginning she's excited about going to the party and at the end she's sad.

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“The Stolen Party”: Student Papers

CODE: 22115 I think Rosaura feels excited about going to the party. Rosaura's mom doesn't really want Rosaura to go to the party because she thinks only rich people are going. Rosaura is very excited about seeing the monkes. Rosaura's mom thinks monkeys at a party is nonsense. Rosaura's mom scrath her Christmas dress so she could wear it. Rosaura thought she looked terribly pretty with her white and glossy dress and glossy hair. When Rosaura got to the part Señora Ines also seemed to notice how pretty she looked. Señora Ines wanted Rosaura to serve the drinks because she was the only one who wasn't boisterous at the party. I think Rosaura felt angry with Rosaura's cousin because she was saying that she wasn't Luciana's friend. I also think Rosaura was feeling a little nervous because all the questions she was asking. When Rosaura was passing the cake out and she was giving big slices of cake and give Luciana a thin piece that you could see thrue. Rosaura feels a little nervous when the magician chosed her to help him. Rosaura feels happy when the magician tells her thank you. When Rosaura was going home Señora Ines wanted to giver money. Rosaura felt sad because she though she was going to the party because she was a friend not because she was going like a slave. Rosauras feelings change a lot at the end because at

Note to readers from Carol Booth Olson. Color-coding is an art and not a science. Individual teachers may not always agree on how to code every sentence. The discussion regarding why people disagree is actually very valuable. Overall, I find that color-coding does give students a helpful visual re: whether they are simply retelling or also interpreting and providing evidence.

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the beginning she's excited about going to the party and at the end she's sad.

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CODE: 50142

"It's a rich people's party," was what her mother told her, but Rosaura could not understand the differences between the rich and the non-rich. After all, she was invited by the family and was friend of their daughter, Luciana. So, despite her mother's protest in the beginning, Rosaura attended the party with wonderful enthusiasm. She seemed proud to be able to help out with the drinks, the cake, and even the magic act; for the first time in her life, she felt special. However, Rosaura's view of herself was quickly, and callously shattered by Señora Ines's small token of thanks. Rosaura considered herself a good friend of Luciana because "they would both finish their homework while Rosaura's mother did the cleaning" everyday after school. They would have tea in the kitchen and even told each other secrets. It was only natural that Rosaura was beguiled by the nature of the invitation. "I'm going because it will be the most lovely party in the whole world," she had said. Indeed, it was a lovely party. Dressed up in her Christmas dress, Rosaura felt "terribly pretty." She was made even more proud by Señora Ines's compliment, "How lovely you look today, Rosaura." As she stepped into the galla event, she did not consider herself as "the maid's daughter," but as a guest. She felt uniquely special to be chosen to serve drinks and pass out cakes. She won the sack race, nobody caught her while playing

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tag, and her instant popularity while playing charades made her beam with happiness. Her proudest moment came when the magician picked her out of the crowd to assist him in his magic trick. She was fantastic and very brave. The heavy applause won her over and made her feel like she truly belong. The only sour incident during the party occurred in the beginning when the girl with the bow grilled her about her identity, but Rosaura was prepared for it. However, she was not prepared for what occured at the end of the party. Feeling as high as a kite, Rosaura greeted her mother at the front entrance. "I was the best behaved at the party," she told her mother with pride. Then Señora Ines came over and bestowed a great compliment on her that made both her and her mother proud. Rosaura waited anxiously for her little gift, but instead, she was handed two bills by Señora Ines. Rosaura's ego was destroyed. She came to the party thinking she was a welcome guest, but discovered that she was used as a maid. Her view toward herself changed at this moment as well as her view toward rich people, especially Señora Ines. "Rosaura's eyes had a cold, clear look that fixed itself on Señora Ines's face." She feels less important now, and not special at all. Señora Ines, someone whom she loved and respected, made her feel like a servant instead of a friend. After that incident, Rosaura didn't feel that great about herself or about Señora Ines. The last paragraph in the story described a sort of barrier between the rich and the non-rich. "An infinitely delicate balance" is the line that seperates Rosaura from Señora Ines's

209

world. Rosaura finally realized that she could not, and would not be allowed, to cross that perfectly drawn line.

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CODE: 50142

"It's a rich people's party," was what her mother told her, but Rosaura could not understand the differences between the rich and the non-rich. After all, she was invited by the family and was friend of their daughter, Luciana. So, despite her mother's protest in the beginning, Rosaura attended the party with wonderful enthusiasm. She seemed proud to be able to help out with the drinks, the cake, and even the magic act; for the first time in her life, she felt special. However, Rosaura's view of herself was quickly, and callously shattered by Señora Ines's small token of thanks. Rosaura considered herself a good friend of Luciana because "they would both finish their homework while Rosaura's mother did the cleaning" everyday after school. They would have tea in the kitchen and even told each other secrets. It was only natural that Rosaura was beguiled by the nature of the invitation. "I'm going because it will be the most lovely party in the whole world," she had said. Indeed, it was a lovely party. Dressed up in her Christmas dress, Rosaura felt "terribly pretty." She was made even more proud by Señora Ines's compliment, "How lovely you look today, Rosaura." As she stepped into the galla event, she did not consider herself as "the maid's daughter," but as a guest. She felt uniquely special to be chosen to serve drinks and pass out cakes. She won the sack race, nobody caught her while playing

211

tag, and her instant popularity while playing charades made her beam with happiness. Her proudest moment came when the magician picked her out of the crowd to assist him in his magic trick. She was fantastic and very brave. The heavy applause won her over and made her feel like she truly belong. The only sour incident during the party occurred in the beginning when the girl with the bow grilled her about her identity, but Rosaura was prepared for it. However, she was not prepared for what occured at the end of the party. Feeling as high as a kite, Rosaura greeted her mother at the front entrance. "I was the best behaved at the party," she told her mother with pride. Then Señora Ines came over and bestowed a great compliment on her that made both her and her mother proud. Rosaura waited anxiously for her little gift, but instead, she was handed two bills by Señora Ines. Rosaura's ego was destroyed. She came to the party thinking she was a welcome guest, but discovered that she was used as a maid. Her view toward herself changed at this moment as well as her view toward rich people, especially Señora Ines. "Rosaura's eyes had a cold, clear look that fixed itself on Señora Ines's face." She feels less important now, and not special at all. Señora Ines, someone whom she loved and respected, made her feel like a servant instead of a friend. After that incident, Rosaura didn't feel that great about herself or about Señora Ines. The last paragraph in the story described a sort of barrier between the rich and the non-rich. "An infinitely delicate balance" is the line that seperates Rosaura from Señora Ines's

212

world. Rosaura finally realized that she could not, and would not be allowed, to cross that perfectly drawn line.

213

How to Structure Analytical/Expository Writing

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From C.B. Olson (2003). The reading/writing connection: Strategies for teaching and learning in the secondary classroom (companion website). New York: Allyn & Bacon/Longman.

Table of Contents

The Structure of Analytical/Expository Writing..........................................................1 Sample Paper: "The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman" ......................................2 Organizing and Planning a Composition .....................................................................5

Finding a Focus: Clustering and Freewriting ..........................................................5 Considering Your Audience........................................................................................6 Should You Use “I” in Your Paper? ...........................................................................6 Determining an Appropriate Tone.............................................................................6

Formulating a Writing Plan.........................................................................................7 Microtheme ....................................................................................................................8 Writing Your Introduction ...............................................................................................9

Generalization ............................................................................................................. 10 Thesis Statement.......................................................................................................... 10 Outline of Structure .................................................................................................... 10 Quotation ..................................................................................................................... 10 Description................................................................................................................... 11 Asking a Question....................................................................................................... 11 Narration ...................................................................................................................... 12

• Anecdote.............................................................................................................. 12 • Dialogue .............................................................................................................. 13 • Interior Monologue............................................................................................ 13

Analogy ........................................................................................................................ 14 Sharing Your Introduction ..............................................................................................15

Writing a Hook............................................................................................................ 15 Comparing Two Versions of Your Introduction .................................................... 15

Developing the Main Body of Your Composition ....................................................17 Organizing the Main Body ........................................................................................ 17 Distinguishing Between Summary and Commentary .......................................... 17 Quoting From the Text ............................................................................................... 18 Showing, Not Telling.................................................................................................. 19 Using Figurative Language ....................................................................................... 20 Unifying Devices......................................................................................................... 21

• Subheadings ...................................................................................................... 21 • Repetition of Key Words and Phrases........................................................... 21 • Consistency of Tone ......................................................................................... 21 • Transition and Signal Words .......................................................................... 22

Writing Your Conclusion................................................................................................ 23

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Summarizing Main Points of an Essay .................................................................... 23 Asking a Question....................................................................................................... 23 Drawing a Final Conclusion...................................................................................... 24 Coming Full Circle...................................................................................................... 24 Aha ................................................................................................................................ 24 Proposing a Solution .................................................................................................. 24

Criteria for an Effective Analytical/Expository Composition ................................. 26

Content ......................................................................................................................... 26 Style............................................................................................................................... 26 Form.............................................................................................................................. 26 Correctness................................................................................................................... 26

Sharing and Peer Response............................................................................................ 27

What I Really Mean Is... ............................................................................................. 27 Revision ............................................................................................................................. 27

Adding.......................................................................................................................... 27 Deleting ........................................................................................................................ 28 Rearranging ................................................................................................................. 28 Rearranging for Clarity .............................................................................................. 28 Rearranging for Impact .............................................................................................. 28 Rearranging for Style.................................................................................................. 28 Sentence Combining................................................................................................... 28

Editing ................................................................................................................................ 30 The Importance of Drafting and Practice .................................................................... 30

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The Structure of Analytical/Expository Writing Analytical/expository compositions are usually designed to explain, analyze, interpret, speculate, evaluate, persuade, or reflect. But, regardless of what they are about or their intent, analytical/expository compositions usually have a three-part structure consisting of an introduction, main body and a conclusion. The introduction orients the reader to the writer’s purpose and focus as well as indicates something about what the reader can expect to find in the remainder of the essay. Most introductions contain a thesis statement which communicates the point the writer intends to make -- although some writers may choose to let the reader infer what their thesis is or to include it at the end of the composition rather than at the beginning. In the main body, the writer explores and develops the controlling idea or ideas presented in the introduction point by point by providing examples, details, and facts, by giving reasons, and by relating incidents. The conclusion reminds the reader of the essay’s main point by summarizing, coming full circle, exploring the significance of something, asking a question, offering new insights, etc. In order to give you a sense of what the structure of an analytical/expository composition looks like, the following essay, “The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman” by a community college student is included on the next page. The students in this freshman composition class were asked to read Arthur Miller’s definition of a tragic hero in his essay “Tragedy and the Common Man,” and then, applying Miller’s definition to his play, Death of a Salesman, write a persuasive essay arguing whether the main character, Willy Loman, does or does not qualify as a tragic hero

1

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Introduction

This sentence ties in with

the title

Reference to Miller’s definition

of the tragic hero

Part 1 of the Main Body-- Phase 1

The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman

Every person on earth is a precious resource--one of a kind and special. Any object known to man which is the only one of itskind is priceless. Once lost or tarnished, it disappears forever; and that is a true tragedy. The same sense of tragedy and loss hold truefor the life and death of Willy Loman, the main character in Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman. Willy’s whole existence was spent behind a fortress of lies and illusions that mounted until the misconceptions were too high to control and the walls of his fortress came tumbling down. His tragic life seems to have three phases. In the first phase, Willy misrepresents himself because of his shortcomings or, as Arthur Miller identifies it in his essay “Tragedy and the Common Man,” his “tragic flaw.” In the second phase, Willy fears being torn away from his illusions of himself and the philosophy he lives by--so much so that in his final phase he is willing to die for the same beliefs that proved misleading and damaging not only in his own life but in that of his sons. In essence, he puts a price tag on his own life.

From the time Willy’s sons were born, he must have felt he was a failure. This tragic flaw, as Miller called it, hounded him to the point where he contrived false ideas about himself to convey to others. His popularity in New England is something he constantly brags about: “I can park my car on the street and the cops watch it as if it were their own.” Like most fathers, Willy wanted his sons to grow up reflecting his ideas and beliefs. This would be their key to success. Unfortunately, Willy didn’t genuinely believe in himself and often doubted the ideas he professed. He projected counterfeit ideologies in order to raise his feelings of self-worth as well as to benefit his sons.

The idea of being well-liked is the pivotal point in Willy’s plan for success. He feels a terrible shortcoming in this department; as a result, he overemphasizes the importance of his possessing such a quality. He demonstrates his blind faith in popularity when he says, “And when I bring you fellas up, there’ll be open sesame for all of us, ‘cause one thing boys, I have friends.” These types of illusions mount and develop as Willy enters phase two--living with his lies in fear of

Writer offers her own

definition of tragedy

Outline of essay’s

structure

This sentence will tie in with the

conclusion

Transition to Phase 2

2

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being torn away from his illusions.

Part 3 of Main Body-- Final Phase

All of Willy’s illusions have been created at this point but he now has the problem of juggling them so as not to destroy his fantasy world. Because he works in New England, Willy imposes a large distance between his work and his family. This allows him to stretch the truth about his successes in New England with the peace of mind that he cannot be found out and exposed.

The character of Charley plays a central role in this phase of Willy’s life. Charley is not an advocate of Willy’s theories and yet he is a success. This is why Willy resents him. Willy feels that being well-liked is crucial but Charley is only liked. He also pays no great attention to his son as Willy does to his; and yet Bernard becomes successful while Biff and Happy are both somewhat losers. Charley is a thorn in Willy’s side. It is doubly humiliating that Willy must look to Charley for a loan at the end of each month to pretend to Linda that he has been making commission on his sales. This segment of Willy’s life leads into the most tragic part of his existence.

Here in the final phase of Willy’s life, “the woods are burning.” He realizes that time is running out on him and he feels compelled to make his mark--to proclaim to the world that Willy Loman existed. This is very important to him--something concrete and lasting. His attempt at a carrot garden is really a symbolic gesture indicating Willy’s desire to make something grow and flourish.

Willy compares his life to his older brother, Ben, in this phase. Ben walked into the jungle of life poor and exited a rich man; he beat the jungle. Willy feels he has lost the battle to the jungle and now must exit the only way left open to him--suicide. In “Tragedy and the Common Man,” Miller says that the tragic hero “is ready to lay down his life,” for his beliefs. In the end, Willy Loman is such a man. He strongly believes that his sons--especially Biff--are well-liked and clings to the dream that with a little money they could make something of themselves. Therefore, with his illusions still strongly implanted in his mind, Willy takes the car and his illusions to his death.

Part 2 of

Main Body-- Phase 2

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Conclusion

Return to Miller’s criteria

Thesis Statement II

According to Miller’s definition, the character of Willy Loman is by all means a tragic hero. His life was a play in which he acted the role of someone he would like to have been but was not underneath. His tragic flaw, or the shortcoming he felt about himself, made him develop false ideas and philosophies. These concepts, in turn, were passed on to his sons who were hurt by them. Willy clung to his dreams, refused to be torn away from them and, eventually, carried them all the way to his death. While Miller may see Willy’s suicide as heroic, I see only the tragic dimensions of his actions. I say it was a tragic death because Willy compromised a priceless life for a twenty thousand dollar insurance policy.

Thesis Statement I

Summary of paper

Return to writer’s

definition of tragedy

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Organizing and Planning a Composition It is not enough to know what you want to say in an analytical/expository composition. You also have to carefully consider how you want to say it. In other words, generating and planning go hand in hand in an effective piece of writing. Here are some planning or what are often called prewriting and/or precomposing strategies to help you organize your thoughts and translate them into a written text. Finding a Focus: Clustering and Freewriting Finding a focus for your composition involves not only generating ideas but deciding which ideas are “kernel” ideas, the ideas that get at the heart of what you want to say. One way to find your focus is to cluster and then to freewrite about your essay topic. Clustering1 is a brainstorming activity that generates ideas, images and feelings around a topic or stimulus word. For example, this is what the student who wrote “The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman” clustered when she pondered whether Willy Loman was a tragic hero.

1For more information on clustering, see Gabriel Rico’s book, Writing the Natural Way (Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, Inc., 1983).

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Willy Loman

Tragic Flaw

Carrot Garden

Has Illusions

Fears of Failure

Brags

Nothing Succeeds

Lays down his life

Heroic?

Wrong Values

Be well liked

Price Tag

Biff

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Once you have clustered a number of ideas about your subject, taking five minutes to freewrite as quickly as you can about that topic, without censoring yourself, can often help you discover an “Aha” that will give you a focus for your paper. For instance, when the student wrote “The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman,” she discovered that although Willy fit Arthur Miller’s definition of a tragic hero, she did not agree. She felt he was just tragic and not heroic:

Hmm. Is Willy a tragic hero? Well, he certainly has a tragic flaw. He cannot accept himself for who he is and he is petrified of failure. But what’s heroic about that? I guess he is willing to lay down his life for what he believes in -- material success. But this belief has been his downfall. And his sons are infected with the same diseased illusions. Maybe Miller thinks this is heroic but I just think it’s tragic. Willy believed in the wrong values. He sold himself short.

Considering Your Audience Upon completing your paper, your reader should be able to paraphrase (put into his/her own words) the basic premises of your composition. You need to carefully consider what your reader needs to know in order to be able to write such a paraphrase. This will include determining: who your audience is (the teacher, peers, students at a different grade level, an elected official, etc.); what your audience can be presumed to know or not to know and what they need to know in order to understand your argument; what your purpose is relative to your audience (to inform, persuade, refute, etc.); and whether your audience is likely to be sympathetic to your ideas or be likely to come up with objections to and/or questions about what you have to say. It is important to keep your reader in mind as you write. Should You Use “I” in Your Paper? The issue of whether to use “I” in an analytical/expository paper is a controversial one. It is best to check with your instructor regarding his or her preferences. In professional articles, you will often encounter a phrase like, “In this paper, I will argue that...” However, you will rarely find a professional writer who says, “I think...” Determining an Appropriate Tone In addition to keeping what your audience does or doesn’t know about your topic in mind, it is important to determine what kind of tone you will adopt. The tone of a piece of writing communicates the author’s attitude toward his or her topic and reader. Tone may also be referred to as the writer’s voice. How would you characterize the tone of this excerpt from Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book?

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The Leman Tribe and How We Grew

To give you a quick look at the three “typical” birth order positions, bear with me while I introduce you to the family I grew up in. (You’ll meet my own family, wife Sande, daughters Holly and Krissy, and son Kevin II a little later.) Mom and Dad Leman had three children: Sally - first born John. Jr. (Jack) - middle child, born three years later 6 Kevin (“Baby Cub”) - born five years after Jack I’ll explain the “Cub” business later because it remains my nickname to this day. But first a look at my sister, Sally, a classic first born who lives in a small town in western New York. I usually take my wife and children to visit Sally’s immaculate house just about every summer vacation, and the first thing we all notice as we come through the front door is the clear vinyl runner which leads to every room in the house. The message is loud and clear: “Thou shalt not walk on the blue carpet, except where absolutely necessary.”

What does the fact that Leman assumes a conversational, humorous tone tell you about the kind or relationship he wishes to establish with his reader as well as the perspective he wants to place his topic in? As you formulate your writing plan, begin thinking about the tone of voice that will be best suited to your audience and purpose. Formulating a Writing Plan Before you begin writing, develop an informal writing plan or microtheme2 to help you shape the structure of your composition and to identify key points you want to make along the way. Look at this writing plan as a general road map to where you’re going rather than as an explicit set of directions you have to follow. Divide a piece of notebook paper into three sections. At the top, write INTRODUCTION; in the center write MAIN BODY; and toward the bottom write CONCLUSION. Under INTRODUCTION, sketch out two different ways you could open your paper that will orient the reader to the topic as well a engage his or her interest. You might begin with a description, an anecdote, a pertinent quote, a statement of fact, a question, or a number of other introductory strategies. Your audience for your writing plan is yourself. So, use any form of writing that will help you think on paper. In you MAIN BODY section, brainstorm a list of main points that you intend to make. Under each main point, list at least one example that you can use to support what you have to say.

2 For more information on the microtheme, see Bean, Drenk and Lee, “Microtheme Strategies for Developing Cognitive Skills” in New Directions for Teaching and Learning, ed. C. E. Griffin (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, Inc., 1982).

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Finally, to generate ideas for the CONCLUSION, reread the freewrite you engaged in to find your focus and freewrite again for five minutes beginning with the statement, “One key impression I’d like to leave the reader with is...”

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Microtheme Introduction: I could begin my paper one of the following ways ... Ideas for Version 1: Ideas for Version 2: • • • • • • *Thesis: The claim I want to make and support in my essay is as follows: Main Body: Main points I want to make: Specific references from the text to support my main points:

• • • •

• • • •

• • • •

• • • •

• • • • Conclusion: A predominant feeling, impression or message that I want to leave my reader with is ...

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*Note: A thesis does not have to be stated in the introduction although writers usually make their claim early-on in the essay.

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Writing Your Introduction The introduction to an analytical/expository composition orients the reader to the writer’s purpose and focus as well as indicates something about what the reader can expect to find in the remainder of the essay. Most introductions contain a thesis statement which communicates the point the writer intends to make -- although some writers may choose to let the reader infer what their thesis is or to include it at the end of the composition rather than at the beginning. There are many approaches one can use in writing an introduction. Several of these approaches are described for you below. Generalization One way to open a paper is to begin with a generalization about the topic at hand and, in the remainder of the essay, to qualify and support that generalization with specifics. Notice how this paper on birth order theory begins by offering a generalization about a topic and then supports that generalization with further details.

According to psychologists, being the first, last or middle in anything influences people in fairly predictable ways. This is particularly true of the order in which we are born into our families. Since the turn of the century when Freud’s student Alfred Adler introduced the concept, psychologists have been exploring the ways in which birth order influences personality traits and they have noticed that the oldest, only, middle or youngest children in any family will share certain common tendencies or what Adler called a “lifescript.” Despite the general characteristics that often apply, “birth order isn’t a simplistic 1-2-3 system that says all firstborns are one way, all second children are another, and lastborns are always just like this or that,” as Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book notes. There are a number of variables in birth order theory which may account for why individuals can and very often do exhibit traits attributed to more than one birth order. “The real point,” according to Leman, is that there are “dynamic relationships existing between members of a family.” Birth order may help us look at those dynamics and give us “clues as to why people are the way they are.”

Notice that while this paragraph begins with a generalization, it ends with the thesis statement -- that birth order may help us look at our family dynamics and give us “clues as to why people are the way they are.”

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Thesis Statement Many analytical/expository compositions begin directly with the thesis statement. The thesis is the key proposition or argument to be supported, advanced or defended by the writer throughout the remainder of the paper. This paper on One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest begins directly with the writer’s thesis statement about the novel.

The novel One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey is just as much the story of Bromden’s recovery as it is of McMurphy’s sacrifice. Bromden’s progress from a paranoid-schizophrenic posing as a deaf-mute to a liberated man was not because of his treatment in a mental institution, but because of McMurphy’s representation of freedom, his leadership, and his self-sacrifice. As a result of McMurphy’s losing his sanity, Bromden is able to face reality and becomes aware of his own identity.

Outline of Structure Very often, introductions present the problem or topic to be discussed and then outline the structure of the essay to follow. Notice how this student combines descriptive language and dialogue to get the reader’s attention, then presents the problem/topic (a comparison/contrast of two cars) and then outlines the structure of the essay to follow. As readers, we can and should anticipate that the writer’s main body of the essay will cover all three subtopics thoroughly before arriving at a decision.

Cough, cough, sputter, clank, boom! “Damn it,” I screamed. “This is the last straw!” That was three days ago when my 1963 Rambler went to the great salvage yard in the sky. During the past few days, I have narrowed my choices of a new car down to two: a sporty Mazda RX-7 or a functional Datsun pick-up truck. Now the problem is which to choose. I have to consider styling, practicality and economy.

These are just a few of the many approaches to writing introductions to analytical/expository compositions. You are limited only by your imagination and what kind of approach is suitable for your topic. Consider several options and then choose the one that best fits your topic, your audience and your purpose for writing.

Quotation Quotations from a book, song lyric, poem, etc., are often an attention-getting way of opening a paper. In the paper below, this student uses an especially appropriate quotation from one author to introduce his generalization about the main characters in two other literary works.

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“One sorrow never comes but brings an heir that may succeed as his inheritor.”

This line, written by William Shakespeare, could have been written for Mariana in Tennyson’s poem. Surprisingly, it could be applied equally well to Miss Havisham in Dicken’s Great Expectations. Both women are bitten by the serpent of unrequited love and neither one is able to overcome the effect of its toxicity. Through examining each character’s long standing affliction caused by being abandoned, we can compare and contrast how Tennyson and Dickens reveal the personalities of Mariana and Miss Havisham.

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Notice how descriptively this student makes his generalization, using the metaphor of the serpent’s bite, and then moves from the generalization to a statement of the paper’s purpose. Description In order to engage your reader’s interest, it is often effective to lead into analytical/expository writing with a descriptive passage. This is the introduction to a paper on Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar:

She looked as wary as a dog who is kicked every time its owner passes by. Her complexion was a yellowish-color and her hair, limp as seaweed, dripped from her head. She wore this full-type skirt, of an obtrusive pattern, which made your eyes go crazy if you looked at it too long. And her once white blouse was now some color in between grey and khaki, with pale yellow crescents staining her armpits. Esther Greenwood, former golden girl and winner of countless scholarships and prizes, stood at the door of Dr. Nolan’s office, hesitating to take that crucial step inside.

Asking a Question Opening a paper with a question is another good way to engage a reader’s interest. Here is another paper on Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar:

Why, one wonders, did Sylvia Plath choose only thirty years to live? She was young, beautiful and talented. Seemingly, she had everything to live for. The first stanza from Erica Jong’s poem, “The Critics (For everyone who writes about Sylvia Plath including me),” aptly describes some of the torment and promise of Sylvia Plath’s short life:

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Because she was clamped in the vise of herself because she was numb because words moved slowly as glaciers because they flowed from her mouth like wine because she was angry & knotted her hair & wore sand in her bra because she had written herself into a corner & then got burned because she invented the stars & watched them fall. . . 11

Sylvia Plath, the great American poet and novelist, who allowed words to flow from her mouth like wine and then silenced those words by her own hand in 1963, in many ways, remains a mystery.

Notice how this writer moves from a question, to a quotation and then concludes with a generalization. Narration Very often narration can be used as a framing device for a piece of exposition. Some narrative techniques you might consider are anecdote, dialogue and interior monologue. Here are examples -- all from analytical/expository compositions on birth order theory.

• Anecdote An anecdote is a short narrative of an interesting, amusing or biographical incident.

This student opens her birth order essay with a personal reminiscence:

Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday, dear Ann Happy Birthday to you!

This was the fifth time this song had been sung to me. I just sat there basking in glory, watching the movement of multi-colored, pastel balloons bobbing in bunches from strings everywhere in the patio. My birthday presents had been opened and my wish list had been answered: a baby doll with extra clothing, a china tea set, and a book of paper dolls,

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complete with a pair of sharp, shiny, silver scissors. Even the cake and ice cream were my favorites -- chocolate. The day had gone perfectly, until shortly after clean-up, when my parents adjourned to the living room with their friends, leaving me and my eight guests alone in the patio. Being the first born child in my family, and naturally gifted with the talents of a leader and entrepreneur, I successfully convinced all eight party-goers that they were in need of a hair cut and for a promissory nickel I would use my new birthday scissors to do the job. My guests were delighted with their new looks, but not so their parents -- or mine. I spent the remainder of the day in my room with several clear imprints of my mother’s hand on my back end. It was a memorable birthday, but not in the way I had expected.

It was not until I read Dr. Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book that I recognized the influence of birth order theory on my own life and how I have exhibited classic first-born traits even as a small child.

• Dialogue Another element of narrative writing that can lend itself to an analytical/expository

paper is the use of dialogue. This student took an imaginative approach to his birth order paper by setting up the introduction as if it were the opening scene in a play:

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SCENE 1 Curtain opens on a rectangular formica-topped table. A family of five sit engaged in both conversation and dinner: Dad at the head of the table; oldest son at opposite end; mother and youngest to Dad’s right; sister across from them. Dad: (in a low voice) Don’t reach. You know better than that. Mark: (apologetically) Yes, Dad. (pause) Pass the butter please. Mom: What happened at 4-H, sis? Laurie: (apathetically) Oh, not much. We learned what to feed the horse

and how to groom the mane. She gets so upset if we don’t do it just right.

Mike: (bouncing up and down smashing vegetables with the fork) Learned to clean up with the pooper-scooper yet?

Laurie: (sarcastically) Very funny. Mark: I get to direct the pep band at tonight’s basketball game against

Monticello. I think we’ll win. Dad: From drummer to conductor, huh? Good for you, son. (glancing

up from his dinner to give a wink of approval) Mom: Is the band any good?

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Mark: Ah, we’re okay. We need more practice. Are my pants clean? Mom: (smiling) Yes, and ironed. Mark: Great! Thanks, mom. (exit stage left) Laurie: You iron his jeans? Oh, brother! Mom: By the way, what took you so long to get home from 4-H? Laurie: Julie and some other friends came by and we hung out for awhile. Dad: I don’t know about that group... Mike: (interrupting) Can I go to the game with Mark? Mom: You’ll have to ask him. Mike: (getting up from the table, calling through a pretend megaphone)

Mark...

How can three children with the same parents in the same house grow up to be so different? Well, according to birth order theory it’s relatively simple -- just be born!

• Interior Monologue An interior monologue is a conversation which goes on inside someone’s head.

Let’s listen to Deedee Hathcock’s debate concerning whether she will or won’t finish her birth order paper before taking off for summer vacation:

Oldest Voice: No, I have to do the paper tonight. Youngest Voice: You are being ridiculous. You have too many

things to do for your trip even if you had two full days ahead of you, instead of just tonight.

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Oldest Voice: I said I would do it, and I will. I can’t go back on

my word. I must finish what I start. Youngest Voice: You will make dumb mistakes. The world can

turn without you, you know. Do what is best for you. Two nights of being up until three isn’t it.

Middle Voice: Hang on there. There is always a way. Get up

early, but go to bed by twelve. Spend just one more hour on the paper, do the best you can, and finish the rest later.

This argument was bouncing off the inside walls of my brain on the freeway as I rushed home after class yesterday, stopping for two last minute errands on the way, adding to the overwhelming feeling of drowning because I had not even taken the suitcases out of the closet to

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pack them for my summer vacation that was due to begin right after class the next day. Suddenly, I realized that here was a living example of the mixture of birth order traits I had discovered within my personality during this past two weeks. Birth order theorists have grouped traits most often shared by people born as oldest, youngest, or as a middle child in their families.

Analogy An analogy is an extended comparison between two things which correspond or resemble one another in some way. In the following paper, the student compares herself to a cinematographer and uses the analogy of the camera lens to represent the reader’s perspective of a work of literature. She begins the analogy with the title “What the Lens Reveals.” Her opening lines read as follows:

If I were a cinematographer called upon to delve into the very emotional center of Tennyson’s Mariana and Dickens’ Miss Havisham, I would surely portray my subjects in quite different lights. Let’s let the camera lens reveal to us the plight of the 19th century lovelorn so indelibly presented to us by a poet and prose writer.

Note that an analogy must be a sustained comparison. So, the student continues...

With the widest possible lens and smallest aperture opening, our camera would first focus on the domicile of Mariana. Here all is black and white. There is no life to portray. All is decay and neglect with no hope of a living flower arising from the broken flower pot.

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Sharing Your Introduction Most people wait until they have completed a first or even a final draft of a paper before seeking feedback from an outside reader. But it is often helpful to get responses to your writing while it is still in progress. One advantage of writing two sample introductions to a paper is that you can get an immediate sense of what will engage your reader’s interest. Writing a Hook Effective writers often consciously use an anecdote, a bit of description, a question, or other attention getting strategies as a hook to grab the reader’s attention. Once you have this perspective from an audience regarding what made them want to read on, it is much easier to develop the remainder of your composition. Put Version #1 and Version #2 on the top of your two introductions and share them with at least three peer partners. Each partner should select his or her favorite version and give reasons why. Comparing Two Versions of Your Introduction Here are two versions of a paper on birth order theory and other students’ responses:

Version #1 Dr. Kevin Leman, psychologist and author of The Birth Order Book, contends that there is a definite pattern of personality traits for each member of the family depending on their birth order -- oldest, middle or youngest. The oldest child is usually goal oriented, high achieving, and a perfectionist or little adult. The middle child never gets the attention of the first born and is also not treated as permissively as the baby of the family. This child is usually the negotiator, not really fitting in, being sandwiched in the middle. Middle children often mediate between older or younger siblings. The youngest child in Leman’s family dynamics is precocious, seeks attention, wants to be center stage and sometimes lacks discipline. I guess you could say I’m lucky because I have had the unique experience of being in all three birth order positions. Let’s look at my life to see if Leman’s predictions about patterns in personality traits hold up. Do you remember the “Leave it to Beaver” show? I was surprised when this show came out. It was special because the kids were the main characters. It was also special because I was the first Beaver!...

Version #2

“Hey, Wally?” “Yeah, Beave.”

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“What’s it like being an older brother?” “Gee, I don’t know. What makes you ask me something stupid like that?” “I don’t know. I just wondered.” “Well, you always have to do stuff first and the grown-ups yell if you don’t always do your best.” “Yea, I know. Grown-ups love to yell.” “Then you’ve got your little brother always asking questions and tagging along, and being a pest. And if you try to ditch him or hit him, then you’re really in for it!...You know what Beaver?”

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“What Wally?” “You’re a real pain!” The pillow is thrown in jest; “The Beaver” ducks in the nick of time. And, sitting in my living room in the world outside the televisions set, I duck too. How true this show was for me then -- because I really was the youngest brother and I really was the first “Beaver.” But more on that later. As Beaver would say, what is it like being an older brother? For that matter, what are the implications of being the oldest, middle or youngest child of any gender in a family? Dr. Kevin Leman, psychologist and author of The Birth Order Book, contends that there is a definite pattern of personality traits for each family member depending on their birth order. The oldest child is usually goal oriented, high achieving, and a perfectionist or little adult. The middle child never gets the attention of the first born and is also not treated as permissively as the baby of the family. This child is usually the negotiator, not really fitting in, being sandwiched in the middle. Middle children often mediate between older or younger siblings. The youngest child in Lemon’s family dynamics is precocious, seeks attention, wants to be center stage and sometimes lacks discipline. I guess you could say I’m lucky because I have had the unique experience of being in all three birth order positions. Let’s look at my life -- or you might say my three lives -- to see if Leman’s predictions about patterns in personality traits hold up. Which of the two versions do you think had the best hook and made you want to read on? The writer’s response partners had this to say about the two opening versions of his paper: • I’d have to cast my vote for #2! It’s great and I think you could weave in your

own connection to it with no problem. That show to me epitomizes BOT. • Version #2 is my favorite because it gets the reader’s attention immediately.

Suggestions: load the dialogue to show more birth order traits in each child. • #2. I like the use of dialogue to illustrate the roles of the oldest and youngest

child. A couple of places the quotations got muddled for me.

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Developing the Main Body of Your Composition

Organizing the Main Body Once you have decided upon which of your introductions to use, go back to your writing plan and see if the main points and the specific examples you jotted down will logically follow from your introduction. Most introductions either directly or indirectly indicate the structure of the main body of the essay that will follow. For example, in the paper on “The Tragic Life and Death of Willy Loman,” the writer indicates that Willy’s tragic life seems to have “three phases.” The reader can reasonably anticipate that the main body of her essay will have a three-part structure -- one for each phase. Go back over your writing plan and sequence your main points and examples in the order that will be most helpful to your audience. Then, reread your chosen sequence and your introduction to determine if they are consistent with one another. Distinguishing Between Summary and Commentary3 If you are writing a literature-based analytical/expository essay, most likely, your paper will combine plot summary, supporting details and commentary. (In non-literature-based essays, plot summary might be replaced by factual statements or by commonly accepted generalizations.) Whereas plot summary reiterates what is obvious and known, and supporting detail illustrates or elaborates upon those summary statements, commentary offers opinions, interpretations, insights, analysis, personal responses, and so forth. Commentary goes a step beyond summary and support to remark upon the significance of something. In general, successful analytical/expository essays should include significantly more commentary than summary. In the example below, note how the student successfully interweaves plot summary, supporting detail and commentary to make her point about an incident in Liliana Heker’s “The Stolen Party.” 1 Plot Summary 2 Supporting Detail 3 Plot Summary 4 Commentary

1At the end of the party, Rosaura is expecting to receive a present of either a yo-yo or a bracelet, like all the other party guests. 2In fact, because she was the most helpful and “the best behaved at the party,” serving the cake and performing with the magician, Rosaura secretly believes she will be given both presents. 3Instead, Señora Ines hands her two dollar bills. 4This is a slap in the face of Rosaura. 5Señora Ines has

3For more information on the teaching of commentary, see Jane C. Schaffer’s Teaching the Multiparagraph Essay, (San Diego: Jane Schaffer Publications, 1995).

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5 Commentary 6 Commentary 7 Supporting Detail 8 Commentary 9 Commentary 10 Commentary 11 Commentary

treated Rosaura like the hired help instead of like a guest. 6To make matters worse, 7Señora Ines says, “Thank you for all your help, my pet.” 8 This is a second slap which adds insult to injury. 9Rosaura is no better than the trained monkey who performs at the party. 10Señora Ines treats her like she is less than human. 11What a devastating blow!

Quoting from the Text In most analytical/expository compositions, whether or not they are literature-based, it is customary to quote from the text or other source material to support your argument. The most effective papers feature relevant quotes which are woven into the writer’s own prose smoothly and logically. Here are some conventions to keep in mind when quoting from the text. All the examples are from the essays on character and culture in Amy Tan’s “The Moon Lady” which is in The Joy Luck Club: • Make quotations part of your sentence or set them apart as independent clauses.

• Quotations can be woven directly into your sentence without punctuation. Example: Ying-ying discovered too late that she “wished to be found.” • Quotations can be introduced with commas. Example: At the beginning of the story, Ying-ying describes her life by stating,

“All these years I kept my true nature hidden, running allong like a small shadow so that nobody could catch me.”

• Quotations can be set apart as an independent clause and introduced by a colon. Example: The following lines from the story introduce Ying-ying’s attachment to her

shadow: Standing perfectly still like that, I discovered my shadow. At first it was just a dark spot on the bamboo mats that covered the courtyard bricks. It had short legs and long arms, a dark coiled braid just like mine. When I shook my head, it shook its head. We flapped our arms. We raised one leg. I turned back around quickly and it faced me. I lifted the bamboo mat to see if I could peel off my shaodw, but it was under the mat, on the brick. I shrieked with delight at my shadow’s

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own cleverness. I ran to the shade under the tree, watching my shadow chase me. It disappeared. I love my shadow, this dark side of me that had my same restless nature.

• If a quotation is over four lines long (as in the example above), indent ten spaces from the left hand margin. Do not use quotation marks. Shorter quotations that are four lines or less should be put in quotation marks.

• Commas and periods go inside quotation marks. Semi-colons and colons go outside

quotation marks.

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• End punctuation like exclamation points and question marks go inside the quotation

marks if they are part of the text being quoted and outside the quotation marks if they are not part of what is being quoted but rather part of the writer’s sentence.

Examples: Ying-ying is petrified as the men check her over as if she were a piece

of merchandise, saying, “Is it too small. Shall we throw it back? Or is it worth some money?”

Why is woman “yin, the darkness within, where untempered passions

lie, and man yang, bright truth lighting our minds”? • Don’t string a bunch of quotations together in a row. Weave them logically into

your own prose. • Don’t pad your essay with quotations. Be selective. Showing, Not Telling4 In order to get an idea across clearly, accurately and concisely, you often have to do a lot of telling in analytical/expository writing. In other words, you need to state things explicitly and directly to ensure that your reader is well-informed by what you have to say. But, to illustrate those telling statements, you can often use vivid, concrete examples that show the reader what you mean. For example, instead of saying “The student was bored,” you might say, “While the teacher droned on like a broken record, the student played imaginary drums on his desk, winked at any girl whose eye he caught, and then yawned, open-mouthed, before drifting off to sleep.”

4For more information on showing, not telling, see Rebekah Caplan’s Showing Writing: A Training Program to Help Students Be Specific (Palo Alto: Dale Seymour Publications, 1984).

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Showing, not telling -- which is primarily a descriptive writing strategy -- can be used to enrich analytical/expository writing. Consider, for example, the way this student shows you that she is a perfectionist before she tells you that she has this personality trait. My friend, Kathy, sat on a high stool talking on the telephone. As usual, I was in

the kitchen cleaning up. I tore off a paper towel to dry a bowl. To my discomfort, it tore off unevenly. While Kathy looked on in amazement, I tore off the remaining piece to even it up.

“Mom, you’re not going to believe what Anne just did! She tore off a new towel so it would be even!” Kathy exclaimed, laughing into the receiver.

This small incident serves to illustrate just one dimension of my personality, a need for order and structure. Perfectionism is a trait that I share with others in my position as a first born in a family.

As you consider which examples from your own life you will use to illustrate your main points, select the ones that will enable you to show as well as tell. 19 Figurative Language Notice that in the previous discussion of showing, not telling, the telling sentence, “The student was bored,” was converted into a showing sentence, “While the teacher droned on like a broken record, the student played imaginary drums on his desk, winked at any girl whose eye he caught, and then yawned, open-mouthed, before drifting off to sleep.” Notice that the expression, “like a broken record,” is an example of figurative language. When we speak figuratively, we speak non-literally. In other words, we identify or compare one thing in terms of another. While the majority of the prose in an expository composition should be literal and straightforward, a well-turned figurative expression can often have a powerful affect on the reader. • Simile A simile states a comparison between two things using like or as. Here are two examples from a description of the main character in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar:

She looked as wary as a dog who is kicked every time its owner passes by. Her complexion was a yellowish color and her hair, limp as seaweed, dripped from her head.

• Metaphor

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A metaphor is a direct comparison of two things on the basis of a shared quality--as if the one thing were the other. Here is an example from the student essay on Death of a Salesman at the beginning of this packet:

Willy’s whole existence was spent behind a fortress of lies and illusions that mounted until the misconceptions were too high and the walls of his fortress came tumbling down.

• Analogy An analogy is a comparison between two things which correspond or resemble one another in some way which is extended, elaborated upon and sustained over time. For an example of an analogy, see page 16 in your packet. • Allusion In an allusion, the writer compares some present event, situation or person to someone or something from history or literature. Usually, an allusion is a brief reference that the audience is presumed to be familiar with. Here is an example from an essay on Death of a Salesman:

Like Sisyphus, Willy seems doomed to set out each day in search of material success only to return empty-handed and discouraged. The rock forever rolls downhill.

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Unifying Devices To promote unity within an analytical/expository composition, it is important to order your main ideas and support information in a way that progresses logically and which builds toward your conclusion. Several devices can be used to connect this information -- between introduction, main body, and conclusion, between paragraphs and between sentences within paragraphs -- and give it a sense of overall coherence.

• Subheadings

Subheadings are often appropriate in a long composition as guideposts for the reader to follow along the way.

• Repetition of Key Words and Phrases

By repeating a key word or phrase, you can reinforce links between different sections of a composition.

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• Consistency of Tone By maintaining a consistent tone throughout your paper, be it serious or humorous, you can convey a clear sense of your attitude toward your topic and toward the reader.

• Transition and Signal Words

Transition and signal words and phrases help the reader see how your thoughts are progressing, emphasize the connections between sentences and paragraphs, and guide the reader through your composition. Here is a selected list of transition and signal words:

Writers’ Transition and Signal Words

Time/Sequence Words

after afterwards ago already always at last at that time at the same time before during eventually finally first first of all following further immediately in the first place in the meantime much last lastly later meanwhile next now once presently second secondly several sometimes soon soon after some subsequently

Place/Direction Words

above across from adjacent to ahead around away from below beneath between beyond close to down far farther here horizontally in close proximity inside near nearby next to on the opposite side opposite outside over parallel there under underneath vertically within

Cause and Effect Words

accordingly

Order of Importance/ Listing Words

additionally another at first also and as well as besides first former furthermore in addition last latter likewise many moreover much next primarily second secondarily several some the following then third

Connecting Words

again also and at length besides in addition

Comparison/ Contrast Words

although but by comparison compared with conversely despite differing from even though equally important however in comparison to in contrast in like manner in the same way just as like likewise nevertheless on the contrary on the other hand otherwise rather than similarly still unfortunately unlike yet Summary/Conclusion

Words accordingly as a result as has been noted as I have stated

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suddenly then thereafter third to begin with today until while

Conditional Words

even though as though whereas unless

Illustration/ Example Words

for example for instance namely that is to illustrate

as a result as if as though because consequently for that reason hence in order to it follows that on account of provided that since so so that then therefore thereupon thus

Emphasis Words

certainly indeed moreover obviously of course

in any event indeed in spite of for instance further moreover to this end with this in mind

Additional Thoughts Words

and moreover further furthermore also likewise similarly too in like manner again in the same way besides

consequently for this reason hence in brief in other words in short it follows that in fact on the whole so that is that is to say therefore thus to conclude to summarize to sum up

Writing Your Conclusion

A well written conclusion will not only reinforce the main point of the essay but add to the power of its message. Here are just a few approaches to writing your conclusion: Summarizing Main Points of an Essay One way to conclude an analytical/expository composition is to summarize or restate the main points you have made in your essay. For a more powerful effect, you should avoid simply repeating yourself. Instead, use your conclusion to highlight a key idea (or ideas) that you would like to leave your reader with.

In Like Water for Chocolate and Romeo and Juliet, Esquivel and Shakespeare show how traditions conflict with love and how these conflicts might lead to tragedy. The traditions hindered the development of relationships between people who truly loved each other. Unfortunately, the “star-crossed” lovers learned that “love doesn’t conquer all.” In these cases, it couldn’t conquer tradition and customs, especially when it was up against a mother like Mama Elena, and a father like Lord Capulet.

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Notice how this writer summarizes the main point of the essay but then goes on to add a closing reflection.

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Asking a Question Sometimes, asking a question can be an effective way to frame and focus your closing remarks. This essay, which focuses on whether or not the main character, Willy Loman, qualifies as a tragic hero in Death of a Salesman, closes by asking a series of questions and then implicitly answers them.

The crucial question is, Does Willy Loman find himself? Was there ever a possibility of “victory” for Willy? According to Miller, a possibility of victory must exist or the play will only achieve pathos. Is Willy strong enough to fight his oppressive home environment, his failure to achieve success in his working environment, and his own mentally dysfunctional state? In Death of a Salesman, the reader can only feel pity and compassion for Willy and pessimism about the environment and the society that oppresses him.

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Drawing a Final Conclusion Sometimes, the close of a paper is a dramatic place to draw one final conclusion. This writer has been comparing two characters from works of 19th century British fiction. Notice how he uses his conclusion to point out some important differences between the two characters.

Tennyson seems to portray Mariana as much more alone than Dicken’s Miss Havisham. Mariana is so totally wrapped up in her tightly woven cocoon, that it seems doubtful she will ever change. I believe Miss Havisham, although in her own little world, has learned how to use her situation to attract pity and attention from others. She, at least, is not cut off from the rest of the world, as is Mariana. But neither has the hope of anticipation that must have filled every young bride. And pity is a poor subsitute for the true love both Miss Havisham and Mariana sought in their early life.

Coming Full Circle

All good conclusions should leave the reader with a sense of completeness. But some conclusions will very explicitly create a sense of ending where you began. Notice how this writer establishes closure by addressing her reader as an intimate friend who has just come to the end of a long conversation:

Well, you’ve met my family, and through them been introduced to birth order theory. The theory intrigues me. I’ve found it applicable to my family. Through knowledge of it, I feel I’m a bit more understanding of people, and of why they behave as they do. Maybe, after having read this paper, you can begin to make your own applications.

Aha...

This phrase refers to a sense of insight that has been achieved through the act of writing. The emphasis in this kind of conclusion is on the significance of what the writer has learned. This writer was offered a position as a television journalist if she would agree to have cosmetic surgery. Her conclusion reveals her decision as well as an important insight she made.

Despite the fact that Marcia’s story was-and still is-heartening, the particulars of her case are different from mine. She apparently never accepted her nose and was, in that sense, convinced that she should undergo surgery. As for me, even as ambivalent as I am, I don’t think I rejected my nose. Whether it is viewed as socially acceptable or not, it remains my nose. It does what it’s supposed to do. And the more I’ve thought about cosmetic surgery, the more I

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equate it with a violation of the unique characteristics of my nose. Noses such as mine may someday become fashionable--even ideal. I think I’ll just accept my own standards which means accepting all of me.

Proposing a Solution

Conclusions also provide writers with opportunities to solve problems. This writer had been struggling with what car to buy after his “1963 Rambler went to the great salvage yard in the sky.” After examing the pros and cons of two cars, he opted for a third choice:

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After giving it a lot of thought, a Ford Ranchero sounds better and better.

The front half of the car is luxurious and spacious and comes with the optional equipment available for the Mazda; the rear half is similar to the pick-up truck allowing for transportation of passengers and work equipment. Surprisingly, the price is just half-way in between the two cars. But, most important to me, is that I am getting the advantages of both the RX-7 and the Datsun all wrapped up in one package. How can I lose?

As with writing introductions, there are numerous ways to bring one’s composition to a close. As you write your conclusion, make sure that your remarks are a logical outgrowth of the ideas you have presented and developed throughout your composition.

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Criteria for an Effective Analytical/Expository Composition The criteria for an effective analytical/expository paper will differ according to the purpose of the writing. However, here are some general criteria that apply to most types of analytical/expository writing. CONTENT • Clearly explains the writer’s thesis, claim or main premise. • Supports ideas and opinions with evidence such as specific examples and quotes

from the text. • Keeps audience in mind. Reader should be able to paraphrase writer’s main ideas

after reading the paper. • Goes beyond summary to interpret, comment and offer insights. • Explains, interprets or argues authoritatively and logically. STYLE • Integrates elements of descriptive and narrative writing into exposition. • Uses vivid, apt or precise diction. May use figurative language. • Engages and sustains the reader’s attention through lively examples which show as

well as tell. • Maintains a consistent tone and conveys a sense of the writer’s personal voice. • Varies sentence structure and length to give the prose fluency. FORM • Is written in standard analytical/expository form:

• Introduction--Introduces topic and contains indication of what is to come. • Main body--Develops ideas point by point with vivid examples that show as

well as tell. • Conclusion--Either summarizes, comes full circle, explores significance, asks a

question, goes beyond the explanatory scope of the essay to offer new insights, etc.

• Ideas flow logically. • Contains ample transitions which tie ideas together and facilitate the flow of the

paper. CORRECTNESS • Has few, if any, errors in the conventions of written English (spelling, punctuation,

grammar, sentence structure) that interfere with the writer’s message. Keep these criteria in mind -- particularly as you get ready to share your first draft with a partner to get feedback that will aid you in revision.

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Sharing and Peer Response Sharing a first draft of your paper with a partner may enable you to see the affect of your words on an outside reader.

What I Really Mean Is...

Before exchanging your paper with a classmate or peer group, take out a piece of paper, write “What I really mean is...” as an opening statement and then restate in a few sentences or a paragraph the central thrust or overall message of your composition. This strategy will help you to refocus on the controlling idea of your essay and sum up your thinking on your topic. If you communicated your main ideas clearly, your partner should be able to paraphrase your paper by writing a “What I think you really meant to say” statement. Keep your WIRMI (What I really mean is...) statement so that you can compare what you really meant to communicate with the message your reader came away with.

Revision

British novelist E. M. Forster once said “How do I know what I think until I see what I say?” In other words, writing is a process which enables us to discover what we think about a given subject. You can‘t expect your writing to automatically be “perfect” and “finished” at the first draft stage. Rather, the first draft gives you an opportunity to get your ideas out on the page. Once you have completed a draft, you need to take time to reflect upon what you have written -- to rethink, re-see and reshape words and ideas. Use the feedback you gained during sharing and peer response to take a second look at your composition. What are its strengths? What needs to be improved? What information is coming across loud and clear? What have you neglected to mention? Basically, revision involved adding to, deleting from, or rearranging what you have written. Adding

If the responses you received to the first draft of your composition indicate that you have not presented enough information to enable someone who is unfamiliar with your topic to paraphrase its premises or if the responses indicate that your examples are not vivid enough to give the reader a clear picture, then you will need to add information to your composition. Carefully consider what specific details are necessary to give the reader a more in-depth perspective on your topic.

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Deleting

Although more first drafts suffer from not enough rather than too much information, it is also possible to overwhelm the reader with examples that detract from the overall effect of the paper by belaboring the point. Too much showing writing, for example, or long extended anecdotes or dialogue may take the reader’s attention away from the controlling ideas of your composition. Similarly, repeating yourself too often can lessen the impact of what you have to say. Review your paper to see if you can zero in on your argument by paring away anything that is extraneous or overdone.

Rearranging

There are at least three reasons why you might want to rearrange elements of your paper: to promote clarity, to heighten the impact of your remarks and to enhance the style of your composition.

Rearranging for Clarity

Once you have seen what you’ve said by generating a first draft and get a better idea of what it is you think about your topic, you may discover that it would make more sense to present certain ideas in a different order. If your computer is not on the computer, you may have to actually get out scissors and tape to shift your paragraphs around and see what organizational pattern follows the most logically. Remember to use the unifying devices discussed earlier to weave the newly arranged composition back into an integrated whole.

Rearranging for Impact

In your original draft, you may have stated your thesis up front and spent the rest of your essay supporting it. After receiving response from an outside audience, you may find that you will engage your reader’s interest more by withholding your thesis until your conclusion. Again, you will need to move elements of your composition around to see what has the greatest impact upon your reader.

Rearranging for Style

You may also want to rearrange words, phrases or sentences to enhance the style of what you have written and make it more pleasing to the reader. One strategy for promoting flow and readability in writing is sentence combining. Sentence combining is one approach to improved fluency in sentence structure. It is mainly a putting together (synthetic) rather than a taking apart (analytical) activity that involves combining short, kernel sentences into longer, more fluid wholes.

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For practice, try combining these short sentences into one longer, more fluid version:

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Sentence Combining Exercise They surged about her. They caught her up. They bore her. She was protesting. Then she was pleading. Then she was crying. They bore her back into a tunnel. They bore her back into a room. They bore her back into a closet. This is where they slammed the door. This is where they locked the door.

Then compare your version with the original by Ray Bradbury in his short story "All Summer in a Day." See the bottom of the next page in this handbook for two samples of sentences combined by students and the original by Ray Bradbury. Once you have practiced sentence combining, review your paper and see if there are sentences within your own composition that might be enhanced through sentence combining.

Editing

For many writers, editing is a process that occurs automatically as one composes. For those writers, the editing stage is simply proofreading for minor errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, sentence structure, etc. For students who have not acquired the conventions of written English, it requires more conscious attention to correctness. Review your paper, either individually or with a partner, to ensure that your final draft is as error free as possible. Analytical/expository compositions often involve quoting from a text (usually a work of literature) to support your point of view. Review the rules for quoting from a text in this packet.

The Importance of Drafting and Practice

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If you are new to analytical/expository writing, you may find that it’s a difficult task. Don’t be discouraged if your first attempt isn’t perfect. Good writing takes time to evolve. Be sure to organize your schedule so that you have an opportunity to write more than one draft. Good writing also takes practice. As you begin to experience writing the different types of analytical/expository papers required in secondary school and college, you will begin to internalize the essay structure and writing analytical/expository papers will become easier and more familiar for you. Good luck! Sentence Combining Exercise for “All Summer in a Day” Students’ versions:

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They surged about her, caught her up, and bore her into a tunnel as she was protesting, pleading, then crying, and put her in a closet where they slammed the door and locked it.

Surging about her, they caught her up and bore her into a tunnel, a room and then a closet where they slammed and locked the door while she was protesting, pleading, then crying.

Bradbury’s version:

They surged about her, caught her up and bore her, protesting, and then pleading, and then crying, back into a tunnel, a room, a closet, where they slammed and locked the door.