chapter 2 fcs...infatuation, happy, foolish love ... • romantic love (young couple) • conjugal...
TRANSCRIPT
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Love in Relationships
CHAPTER 2
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“I got within feet of her and I got goofy. I couldn’t talk. She’s sunshine. She sure is. She completes my life like no other woman I’ve met.
– Brad Pitt of his relationship with Gwyneth Paltrow (Before he met Angelina Jolie)
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According to the text
51% of undergraduates areEmotionally involved withOne person
Let’s take a poll
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DiscussionWhat are some ways we show love?
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Ways of Conceptualizing Love
LOVE: is about deep abiding feelingsLUST: is about sexual desireINFATUATION: is about emotional feeling based on little actual exposure to love object
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LudicLove
Juggle partners
Love ‘em and
leave ‘em
“Hook Up”
Manipulative & uncaring
Love Styles
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Pragma
Logical
Rational
Economic Security
Love Styles
Patty
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Eroslove
Love Styles
rom
ance
Passion
Most common for College Students
Sexual love
Juan
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ManiaLove
Love Styles
Posses
sive
Dependent
Out of contr ol
Stalker
Gehring
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StorgeLove
Love Styles
Calm
Soothing
Non sexual
Love between persons long married
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Agapelove
Love Styles
Love between parent and child
Selfless Love
Giving love
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Romantic Love Love at first sight
Infatuation, happy, foolish love
Individuals who fell in love fastHad similar marital happiness asCouples who fell in love gradually.
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Romantic Love?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmO93kQvtjs
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Realistic Love or Conjugal (Married) Love
less emotionalcompanionship calmnesscomfortsecurity
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Romantic vs. Realistic love
This photo illustrates • Romantic love (young couple)• Conjugal love(older couple)
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Love Attitude ScalePage 39
On the back write
Do you tend to rule in a relationship with your HEAD or your HEART?Explain Page 67
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Personal Choices
Do you make relationship choices with your heart or head?
• 59.6% of 1,319 undergraduates agreed with the statement, “I make decisions more with my heart than my head.
• 12% of those undergraduates reported that they make relationship decisions with their head rather than their heart.
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Triangular View of Love by Sternberg 1986
3 basic elements to love:Intimacy, Passion & Commitment.
Nonlove
None of the above
Romantic love
Intimacy & Passion
Conjugal Love
Intimacy & Commitment
Liking
Intimacy only
Fatuous Love
Passion & commitment
Intim
acy
Commitment
Passion
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The Need for Intimacy
Intimacy is experiencing the essence of one’s self in intense intellectual, physical, and/or emotional communion with another human being.
Not in book
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Why stay in a relationship
People stay in relationships • Because their needs are being met• They have no other place to go• They have made the investment
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Arranged Marriage
40 % of the worlds population arrange marriage (China, India & Indonesia)
The linking of two familiesLove expected to follow95% are the same race.
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Love in Medieval Europe
Love in the 1100s was a concept influenced by economic, political, and family structure.Marriages of the sons and daughters of the aristocracy were arranged with the heirs of other states with whom an alliance was sought.
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Theories on the Origins of Love
Evolutionary TheoryLove has an evolutionary purpose and creates a bond between parents when their offspring are dependent infants.
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Theories on the Origins of Love
Learning TheoryEmphasizes that love feelings develop in response to certain behaviors occurring in certain contexts.
Ex: doing thing for your partner
Holding hands, kissing, texting, buying gifts,
All of these examples can encourage the
development of love.
High & lowSocial Allergy
What are some words of endearment used?
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Theories on the Origins of LoveSociological Theory
– love develops in stages, like a wheel
1. rapport: knowing someone, feeling comfortable w/someone
2. self revelation: each partner reveals intimate thought about yourself, partner, the relationship.
3. mutual dependency: partners are happy being together & their happiness depends on the other.
“I’m the happiest when I’m with you!
4. personality need fulfillment: the desire to love and be loved, to trust and be trusted, to support and be supported.
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Theories on the Origins of Love
Psychosexual Theory (Freud)Love results from blocked biological sexual desires.
In reverse – once you had sex love dies
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Theories on the Origins of Love
Biochemical TheorySuggests that there may be a biochemical basis for love feelings.Oxytocin is a hormone that encourages contractions during childbirth and endears the mother to the suckling infant
Referred to as the ‘cuddle chemical’
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Theories on the Origins of LoveAttachment TheoryEmphasizes a primary motivation in life is to be connected with other people.
AND emotional development of infants
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Society promotes love through popular music, movies, television, and novels. Probability of being in a relationship is influenced by the cultural ideal of physical appearance.
What are some of today’s standards of beauty for women and men?
Falling in LOVE
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The individual must be physiologically aroused.
Self-esteem and self-disclosure are associated with the development of healthy love relationships.
Falling in LOVE
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Benefits of Self-Esteem
1. It allows one to be open and honest about both strengths and weaknesses.
2. It allows one to feel generally equal to others.
3. It allows one to take responsibility for one’s own feelings, ideas, mistakes, and failings.
4. It allows for the acceptance of strengths and weaknesses in one’s self and others.
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Benefits of Self-Esteem
5. It allows one to validate one’s self and not to expect the partner to do this.
5. It permits one to feel empathy
5. It allows separateness and interdependence, as opposed to fusion and dependence.
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8 dimensions of Self-Disclosure 1. backgrounds and history2. feelings toward the partner3. feelings toward self4. feelings about one’s body5. attitudes toward social issues6. tastes and interests7. money and work8. feelings about friends
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Love as a Context for Problems
Destruction of Existing relationshipsSometimes the development of one love relationship is at the expense of another.
Office romanceOlder manFamily disapproval
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Simultaneous lovesSome people report being in love with two people at the same time.
Abusive relationshipsSome are in love with someone who is emotionally or physically abusive.
BachelorBachelorette
High hopes it will bet better
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Abusive/Stalking RelationshipA repeated malicious pursuit that
threatens the safety of the victim. It may involve following a victim;
threats of physical harm to the victim, one’s self, or another person; or restricting the behavior of the victim, including kidnapping or home invasion.
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Unrequited or Unfulfilling love RelationshipsThe intensity of love may vary between partners.Is it better to be the partner who loves more or less?
Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain was deeply hurt that his love interest, Ennis Del Mar, would not make time for their covert meetings.
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Jealousy Types of Jealousy
An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship
• Reactive: coming home late, texting former lover
• Anxious: alleged infidelity – miserable
• Possessive :attack others who is allegedly cheating, or attack the other man /woman
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External Causes of JealousyThe behaviors the partner engages in that are interpreted as:Emotional and/or sexual interest in someone (or something) else.
A lack of emotional and/or sexual interest in the primary partner.
Dancing w/another woman
Talking to a previous partner
Talking about a previous partner
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Internal Causes of Jealousy• Mistrust (perceived as cheating)• Low self-esteem (lack self-worth)• Anxiety• Lack of perceived alternatives(will be alone)• Insecurity (length of time)no
commitment from their partner
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Desirable consequences of jealousy
Undesirable consequences of jealousy
Signify that partner is cared for
Learn that development of other romantic & sexual relationships is unacceptable
Assess partners commitment
Make individual miserableCause a negative evaluation in the relationship experienceAttacks can cause partner to end relationshipLead to stalking or violence.
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Polyamory
A relationship style in which people openly conduct sexual relationships with multiple partners.Polyamory means "many loves," (or one love shared among many people).http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP_hZBLlTtE&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PK6MUiSmOGU
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Transitional Page
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