chanhyuk.docx

8/10/2019 Chanhyuk.docx

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To: Lee Chanhyuk

By: Hong Siyoung

Word Count: 1,748

th


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This essay is solely dedicated to Lee Chanhyuk (), and it shall pertain to asserting his value of

friendship in Hong Siyoungs () mundane life. Although this article may appear to seem more like

a practice for persuasive writing as opposed to its intended purpose to convince; in actuality, its just an

assignment to see how much ass-kissing and buttering up of a specific someones character I can

manage in a three-pager.

There are several things the reader should take note of before proceeding that everything stated here

would be nothing but the absolute truth, so should anything be deemed as offensive or cause potential

sentimental crop-ups (e.g. nostalgia), itllbe of the norm. More often than not, there will be references

made to past happenings, and as distasteful as it sounds, explicit mentions of sexual/rated material, so

reader discretion is advised. This essay is fundamentally an evidence-based one, incorporates both

textual and pictorial evidence more often than not a mixture of both to strengthen its purpose of

convincement; and inevitably confusion may arise, so there will be annotations provided at the bottom

of each page throughout this piece to aid the reader.

Fear not if you did not bother to read about how fuckboys are seemingly attracted to senpai-like

oppositesyou may chose to disregard anything written before this, but the next sentence is incredbly

important, extremely crucial: please be convinced that this was not written under sufferance (in fact, it

was written at the request of the abovementioned subject1). In short, Im saying that Im writing this of

my own accord, and after all, nobody can coerce me into doing something Im unwilling to do, so the

intended reader(s) may sit back, rest easy, and resume studying this immaculate conception of

convincement.

Heres the thesis statement: Chanhyuk is, and will continue to be, the best friend to Siyoung. If that

doesnt sound remotely convincing, my job is to try and convince you otherwise.

1Lee Chanhyuk


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Hes quite literally one in seven billion, and its only by fate that yo u two get to meet. Not that you

chose to let him into your life, but rather, he choses to slot himself into yours. He could be a passerby

brushing past you on a regular Tuesday morning when youre on your way to work, the disgruntled

customer complaining about the lack of coca cola at the restaurant hes at, or that fuckboy youve heard

a lot about who whines a lot during sex.

And well jump into the personal perspective as someone Ive known for quite a long period of

time, I can very honestly tell you that Chanhyuk one of the crassiest, rudest boy that youll ever meet.

Do notlet his polite demeanor fool you into thinking that hes as demure as he looks. Hes been trying

too hard for that old school, nerdy look, with the large glasses and high-waisted suspenders, but he acts

nothing like that. The phone permanently fused to his hands and the number of selfies he has in storage

of said device is enough to convince otherwise that hes probably living in episode 203 of Mean Girls2.

And damn, that boy has a mouth fouler than the sewers have you ever seen him on a swearing

spree?

Right, and now that you know he utilizes such words like fuck way too often, its not too hard to

guess that hes getting itonce in a while, as well. I bet you readers are imagining how hes sounding

like with a wiener up his ass no? Our lovely friend here might only be eighteen; still well-within

the duration where his tadpole hormones are at their most active, but he probably has got the mind of a

sex maniac. That shall bring us to the conclusion that hes a perpetually horny person, for I can gather

that one does not simply talk to him, and not talk about having sex with a certain being. If you tried

searching the word sexual in the dictionary, youll find a picture of his dick. And speaking of dicks,

Chanhyuk lovesdicks; he fantasizes about older men screwing him on a nightly basis. If youre of the

2It doesnt even exist at all.


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female species, youre stuck at level platonic. If youre anything thats beating with a pulse and has a

dick, chances are hes going to be imagining how good youd look on top of him.

Theres probably nothing more interesting than talking about sex day and night, but that can get boring,

as well. Im not sure what other people think, but from my perspective, Chanhyuks probably one of

the best people around to spend time with should

you have an extraordinary surplus of it. Be it a

long paragraph about who owns whose bucket

hats or a one-liner idle chat, youre bound to get

lots of fun from it. And take it from the Giris

mouth, that damn! That boys definitely a

dreamer, with a strong imagination. Hell go far

in life. And no, Im not being patronizing at all.

Im being genuinely truthful, because Ive never had someone make me double over and laugh so hard

in a matter of 10 seconds about tomatoes or a soft drink. Those late night trips where we went

Christmas shopping, restaurant hopping, were one of the

best things Ive ever had. And if youre looking for a good,

semi-lit roleplay, Chanhyuks the guy, with great English

and simple yet hilarious plots. 10/10 would recommend, but

too bad hes already MY roleplaying partner.

Moving on, there are a lot of questions that are still left unanswered about him, and to name a few: Do

you also have any idea how much of a wimp he is? Have you ever heard of someone who lifts their

legs on a daily basis? Sleep with their contact lenses left in their eyes? Call older men things like

senpai and daddy? Why is he rendered defenseless in the face of emotional hurt? Where is the coca

cola? Where are you bringing me to dinner tonight? Does he like the friends that I have introduced to

him? Have I really fulfilled my duty as a best friend? Does he really like drinking green tea, following

the weeaboos3, banking on aesthetic to pay the bills? Does he truly have brains? Is he trying to

3Im not even sure if its a legit word.


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influence me into becoming a flower4? Has he been channeling his emotions to someone else just

because I dont seem to be in the best of moods to listen to his troubles? Is he really happy with

Taehyungor would he just become another Sebby or Bobby? And most importantly, is he happy?

One very distinct, obvious character trait of Chanhyuk would be how he is usually seen to be sassy, but

the good kind of sass. Even the most annoying of people can

never faze him, hell still smile and take in his stride, and at

most hed only tell me about them and advice avoidance. He

has a particular knack for skirting around tough situations,

lightening up the mood in face of a complexity. Hes actually brutally honest as well, wouldnt hesitate

to tell when youre being mean, when youre trying too hard to be nice and doesnt that make him a

mind reader? Maybe, but hes certainly and expert at reading me. It just takes him a few words to

deduce if Im in a rancid mood, or when Im feeling sad, and all the time hell attempt, regard less half-

assed or not, to offer his consolation. He may be a fuckboy, but hes got a heart, hes loyal and real to

his best friend.

Everyone might be wondering, whats it in a friendship where two guys constantly make dick jokes,

bully each other, where one is mean while the others doing nothing to stop it? Is there really

something valuable in the late-night conversations, the constant go to sleep nows that we exchange

on a day-to-night basis? Ive had people question how does our friendship survive w hen all of our

conversations are misspelled, at times monosyllabic replies when best friends are supposed to tell each

other everything (which obviously expands well above a paragraph). And Ill tell them, its not actually

what we talk about, but more of how we chose to interact with each other. I mean, therell be times

where Ill not come online, therell be times where Chanhyuks giving one-worded responses, and

therell be that stage of constant spams of inbox of you suck and suck my ass, but hey, at least

theres the thought. We think of each other once in a fair while, and thats good enough. Weve had our

share of rocky roads, times where weve drifted apart or kept silent, but its all always okay in the end.

4Jungkook told me about the flower-themed rp directory.


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If theres anyone that knows me better than myself, itll be him, Lee Chanhyuk. After all, Ive known

him for quite a long while, for a little bit more than a year since October 2013, and hes since followed

me around whenever I jumped accounts, switched faces. Hes the only one I can ever imagine leaving

behind, because he is that important to me and without him my ego would deflate, leading to my

eventual death. Yes, I get this is all about him but we should also talk about how Chanhyuks life

directly affects Siyoungs as well a more succinct way of emphasizing his importance on the latter. I

actually feel like Im writing a character reference but Im not , though if he were an employee hed

definitely receive the best worker of the century and would receive an immediate pay rise to buy his

stupid tacos.

I know its getting late and youre probably tired of reading all of this gooblydegook but rest assured,

youve alreadycome to the end of this thing written in homage of Lee Chanhyuk, the best friend of

Hong Si Young. Im tired of dictating any more bullshit and if I say anymore itll come out forced.

Please keep this letter well and swallow it whole so your ego will be satisfied. Okay, just one more. If

people could reincarnate and have second lives, I would want him to be my best friend, I want nobody

else takes that place.

P.S. Youre disappointed that I didnt say it, right?5

5I less than three you.

chanhyuk.docx

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