celebrate duggars cover story

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Mother Michelle

Michelle Duggar, 42, is truly an extraordinary woman. She is the wife of

Jim Bob Duggar of Springdale, and she is the mother of 18 children

— yes, 18! — the youngest of whom, Jordyn-Grace, is now nearly five

months old, and the oldest, Joshua, is 21, married last September and just

recently announced his wife, Anna, is expecting their first child. So Michelle,

surely one of the most famous mothers in the United States if not the world

— the family’s television show, “18 Kids and Counting,” has aired on TLC

and Discovery network television channels all over the world — is about to

be a grandmother. But she might not be through having kids of her own.

Michelle, the baby of seven children herself, is originally from Ohio but

moved to Northwest Arkansas when she was just four. She attended

Springdale public schools, was a tomboy and a cheerleader, and graduated

from Springdale High School in 1984. She met Jim Bob while in high

school, not long after accepting Jesus Christ as her savior at the tender age of

15. He and a friend from church were on church visitation, and he says now

that when he knocked on Michelle’s door, “the most beautiful girl I’d every

met came to the door. I was really shy, so Fred did all the talking and I just

sat there,” he recalls. “That night I prayed that she could be mine and that I

could become her spiritual leader. She was a beautiful sweet girl...”

Michelle, as Jim Bob is telling this story, lovingly gazes up at his eyes and

mouth, watching him talk, smiling from ear to ear at a story she’s heard him

tell dozens of times. It’s clear they are still very much in love.

Springdale’s Michelle Duggar talks about raising 18 kids, the lessons she’s learned, and the possibility of having more

by Kristal Kuykendall photos by Jason Hudson of Hudson Photography, the Duggar Family and TLC

62 ce!ebrate arkansas MAY 2009

MAY 2009 ce!ebrate arkansas 63


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“We found in His word that children are a gift and a blessing and a reward, and we want to receive all that He has to give us. We’re so thankful for each one of them!”


That in itself begs the question: How do they do it? How do they raise 18

children? How do they keep their relationship in tact and healthy, even, with

so many other people in their lives? And, if you’ve ever watched their TV

show, you probably want to know what we wanted to know: Why do they

live the way they live — so protective of their children and lifestyle, almost

as if they are a society in and of themselves?

So, as Mother’s Day approaches, Celebrate Arkansas Magazine decided to sit

down with Michelle at her home outside of Springdale and get to know this

truly remarkable and infamous mother, and learn all we can from the lessons

she’s learned along the way. This is what Michelle had to say...

Celebrate Arkansas Magazine: What are some of the values

your parents instilled in you that are important for you to instill in your

family now?

Michelle: “My Dad and Mom, Garrett and Ethel Ruark, had such a love

for family, and seven kids was a large family back then. My Mom and Dad

had a hard childhood; Daddy was in an orphanage, and Mom’s mom died

when she was young. Both realized the importance of family because they

didn’t get to enjoy that as children due to the tragedies that hit. They did a

good job of making it a happy home for us. Birthdays were a special time for

us; Momma would make a birthday cake, and there would be a theme, and

we’d invite all our friends. As a family we’d go camping or fishing and take

vacations. It wasn’t like we were rich, but they would just budget that in.

“Looking back now, I realize how much work Momma did. She probably had

it down to a science by the time I came along. Just packing and unpacking

to go on trips, was a lot of work! I realize how much work it is now, being

a mom. Like going camping — talk about packing your whole home and

moving out there! Wow!”

Celebrate: What are some memories of childhood that you have?

Michelle: “Memories I have from my childhood are very good memories,

and I know that’s because my parents purposed for it to be that way; they

worked hard. Birthdays, Christmas, camping, swimming out at the lake.

My Mom always liked to fish and I liked to swim. So she’d be fishing from

the bank, and a little ways down I’d be swimming. We always went out to

Horseshoe Bend on Beaver Lake.”

Celebrate: Was having sit-down dinners together important in your

family when you were growing up?

Michelle: “Oh yes. Mother was an expert at sit-down dinners together.

Probably because of having such a large family she fixed large portions, large

quantities. She always fixed breakfast, and I can always remember coming

home and smelling supper cooking and it was such a good feeling —

especially when you’re starving right after school. ... We’d always be around

the table. I laugh now because I feel like I eat out of cooking pots all the

time, but my mother was so good about setting the table and having separate

dishes you serve in versus dishes you cook in. She did a lot of dishes! She set a

good example for me — not that I follow it as good as she did!”

Celebrate: When you were a young girl, did you play house and pretend

you had a lot of children?

Michelle Duggar in her cheerleading outfit from her days at Springdale High School.

Michelle as a young girl with the family dog.

“It wasn’t until I was 15 or a little later that I started thinking about being a wife and mother.”


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Left: Jim Bob & Michelle on their wedding day, July 21, 1984. Above: Their wedding invitation

Michelle with her family on her wedding day.

“My Mom started managing a frozen yogurt place and Michelle came in and applied for a job there. I told Mom ‘You need to hire her!’ We were married a year later right after I graduated high school, July 21, 1984.” - Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar


Michelle: “I had some dolls, and I would name them, but not really. I

was more of a tomboy. I tended to be climbing trees and riding my bike

and I always wanted to go catch crawdads in the pond at the park. I was

very busy. I had a lot of energy. I was always doing something, skating,

bicycle riding, I just liked to be busy. I also was a speed skater at the

Springdale roller rink, and in junior high and high school I was a gymnast

and cheerleader.

“It wasn’t until I was 15 or a little later that I started thinking about being

a wife and mother. My life really changed drastically at that age when I

began to focus on what was most important in life, when I got saved. I can

remember there was a whole new perspective in life; I was so excited about

the things of God and wanting to learn more about the Lord. At that point

I began to focus in on wanting to be a wife and mother.”

(Here, Jim Bob enters the living room for a few minutes to listen in on the

interview. He interjects politely, excited to tell the story of how he met Michelle,

and how beautiful he thought she was at first sight.)

Jim Bob: “I met Michelle a month after she committed her life to God.

About a year later, my Mom started managing a frozen yogurt place and

Michelle came in and applied for a job there. I told Mom ‘You need to

hire her!’ A few weeks after she was hired, I was about to graduate from

high school, and I asked her to go to my junior/senior banquet with me.

She probably said yes because I was her manager’s son. Afterwards, we sat

in her parents’ living room and talked about the things of the Lord. And it

was that night that the Lord really knit our hearts together.”

Michelle: “We had a four-hour conversation, and I was like, ‘Is this The

One?’ We were married a year later right after I graduated high school,

July 21, 1984.

Celebrate: What were your first years of marriage like?

Michelle: “We really wanted a business so that we could work together,

so we started a used car lot, and Jim Bob worked a full-time job during

the day at first while the car business was getting off the ground. That was

funny because I knew nothing about cars. So I was the car salesman during

the day. I would call him and say ‘There’s someone who wants to buy a car,

what do I say, what do I do?’ And they would come back after he got off

work from the grocery store and test drive the car.

“In our off time, we’d go shopping for cars we could fix up and turn

around and sell. We didn’t do a lot of camping, hiking, or biking when we

were newly married. It was more we were building a business and having

fun working together. So we’d take trips to Tulsa or Little Rock to look

at a vehicle and then we’d drive a car back that we’d purchased. I drove

everything from small sports cars to stick-shift trucks to be able to get the

vehicles where they needed to be. I remember many times we’d be bringing

vehicles back and I’d be following Jim Bob on the way home, and he’d

be driving probably the car we’d just bought and I’d be behind him and

it’d be getting late, coming back from Little Rock, going over the Boston

Mountains, hoping and praying the car he was driving would make it all

the way home, so we could fix it up. Many times I remember we’d have to

stop and get something and the car wouldn’t start, and I’d get the jumper

The Duggars restaurant style kitchen.

“Sometimes it’s date afternoon (laughing). Sometimes we meet for lunch and have a date or go out for dinner together and sit and talk. We’ve always tried to have a date time.”


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cables out and I’d be trying to help him jumpstart the car. Always the

word around our house was ‘Have Jumper Cables and Will Use Them!’

We were always ready to use them. Those were fond memories. We were

doing something that was beneficial for our family.”

Jim Bob: “We had a doctor friend who counseled us not to have a

TV or a pet our first year of marriage, so we didn’t. After the first year,

we got a pet, a rabbit. Then we got a TV set up. We immediately were

shocked at how horrible television had become — our show wasn’t on

yet!! — and we noticed after three weeks that all we did was watch TV

and our communication had drastically dropped off. So we got rid of it

and have not had broadcast television in our home since. That was some

of the best advice that anyone ever gave us.”

Celebrate: How long were you married before you had your first child?

How many children did you set out to have, in the beginning?

Michelle: “We were married four years, and I was 21 when we had

our first child. At first, we didn’t really have a ‘set number.’ I was on the

pill at first, and after our first child I went back on the pill. Then I got

pregnant again while I was on the pill, and I had a miscarriage. It was

heartbreaking. So we searched the scriptures and found that the Bible says

‘children are a gift from the Lord’. We prayed, ‘Father, give us a love for

children like You love children. If You want to bless us with more gifts,

we want to receive them.’ We stopped taking the pill, and right after that

God blessed us with twins, and then another one and another one...”

Celebrate: Do you blame yourself for being on the pill for the

miscarriage? Do you have guilt still from that?

Michelle: “I realized at that point I had not read the fine print on my

contraception pills that I was taking so I was not aware, when I realized I

had lost the baby and later I read the fine print and realized you might not

be able to carry a baby to term (if you’re on the pill when you conceive),

and that the complications from having been on the pill probably caused

the miscarriage. We walked through that, it was a very tough time — we

really had to reevaluate what we were thinking, our whole perspective on

children. The guilt and grief we were walking through at that time was

very heavy. We were holding one baby in our arms and were just elated

about that baby but were realizing we had just lost one.

“We found the verse ‘My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.’

We realized it was our lack of knowledge and understanding — the birth

control pill and different aspects of that — that saw our baby destroyed.

It was painful. But God says He will give us mercy. He loves us so much

He will extend mercy to us, and we can know we are forgiven. We have

turned away from that and don’t want to go down that path again. God

is faithful. I don’t carry the guilt anymore; I know that I am forgiven.

The joy of that is that He has chosen to bless us with more children. We

found in His word that children are a gift and a blessing and a reward,

and we want to receive all that He has to give us. We’re so thankful for

each one of them!”

Celebrate: Do you teach your children that birth control is wrong or

right in the eyes of God? Or do you believe it is an individual choice?

The Duggar family growing through the years.

“I tell them often, ‘You’re each other’s best friends, treat each other that way.’”


Michelle: “We have shared our testimony. Our children have heard us

share from a broken heart the testimony we walked through personally,

and they’ve heard our response from what we went through. God brought

us to that place in our heart where we believe it is not right for us. Now

as far as our children are concerned, they are going to have develop their

own personal relationship with God and ... so when they marry, between

them and their spouse, they’ll have to know how the Lord wants them to

walk. When they meet their life partner they’re going to have to talk those

things through and decide what to do for themselves.”

Celebrate: How have you had your children, naturally, or with

epidurals, or Caesareans?

Michelle: “All of the above. I had an epidural with the first one, then

a C-section, then the next 11 children were V-backs (vaginal births after

C-section), then another C-section with the 15th child because he was

transverse, then two more V-backs, and then the most recent one was a

C-section, another transverse baby.”

Celebrate: What is the most difficult thing about having so many

children?

Michelle: “Keeping up with their hearts, because each is so different and

so special. It takes time to invest in their lives and hearts. I’m with them

all the time, but it’s making time and purposing to ask them how they’re

doing, what’s going on in their life and allowing them to share their heart.

That is the most challenging, most rewarding, most important thing is to

reach into their hearts and express to them that they are loved and special.

“If you have won a child’s heart they’re not going to struggle as much

with the peer pressure thing. Whoever praises them is going to be the

one who has their heart. I’ve heard it said to praise your child ten times

as much as you correct them. So that’s what we purpose to do. We try

to build strong, positive relationships with each of them. We’ve learned

that when you purpose to ask them how they’re doing and listen and give

them the opportunity to share, knowing they have a safe place to share,

and that we’ll pray together and we’ll help and encourage them, it really

helps build that relationship. You’re going to have conflicts, but we try to

deal with it in the right manner. We always tell them to treat each other

the way you want to be treated, and we never allow them to mock each

other, say hurtful or cutting words.

“I tell them often, ‘You’re each other’s best friends, treat each other that

way.’ And I stress learning how to quickly humble themselves and ask

forgiveness. When they are young, at first, we would help them with

the wording, for example, ‘I was wrong for being selfish and taking your

toy away, will you forgive me?’ and then we allow the other child who’s

been offended to have the time to forgive them and make things right.

Purposing to do this before the sun goes down. It may not be totally

resolved (before the sun goes down) but at least we’ve started. Those are

some pretty powerful lessons we’ve learned about keeping their hearts

protected.”

Celebrate: How do you deal with the inevitable misbehavior and/or

bickering that children get into?

Top: Michelle and Jim Bob with nine of their children. Above: Michelle welcomes their 18th child, Jordyn-Grace Makiya. Below: Johannah Faith bonds with mom and dad.


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Michelle: “First, we feel it’s important to have the right response

ourselves. Anger was another big thing we’ve learned was detrimental.

We are trying to teach our children to have self-control and to exhibit

good character, but we can undermine everything we are trying to teach

them if we don’t lead by example. We’ve heard young people share how

devastating it was when their parents would explode or get angry or

would never praise them, and how it caused them to feel they could

never measure up.”

Jim Bob: “I jokingly remark, I didn’t have an anger problem till we

started having children! At one point, I remember my boys spray-painted

the garage floor, and I raised my voice at them as I got onto them. They

had marked up the garage floor, but I scarred their hearts. I had to ask

forgiveness myself for my wrong response and eventually gave my family

permission to come up and whisper in my ear if they ever sensed Daddy

crossing the line of talking with sharp words or getting angry.

Michelle: “It’s like pouring ice-cold water on a hot head; that

accountability really helps. Another thing is a soft answer turns away

wrath. Choosing to lower my voice instead of get louder. Apart from

God’s help I don’t think I’d have been able to do that.

“As far as bickering among themselves, I realized early on that I would be

constantly playing the referee if I didn’t find an answer. Matthew 18 in

the Bible had the answer to my problem. I taught them that if they were

arguing that they were to do what Matthew 18 said and talk nicely to one

another and try to work things out. If that didn’t work then they would

come to Dad or I for help. If we had to get involved usually someone or

both were going to be corrected for not doing what was right, and often

if both were having wrong attitudes, they would lose whatever privilege

or toy that they were arguing over and both would be corrected! They

learn very quickly to get along nicely and treat each other the way they

would like to be treated, and there is not all the constant bickering or

tattling going on anymore!

Celebrate: What are some of the most important lessons you can

teach your children when they’re young that will make a difference later

on in the way they are brought up?

Michelle: “When I talk to young moms with little children, I stress

teaching little ones two important character qualities, attentiveness and

obedience. My children must be able to pay attention to Mommy’s

voice and look me in the eye and answer me (so I know they have heard

me and there are no excuses) with a cheerful, “Yes ma’am,” as I teach

them to obey. And there are four points of obedience: instant, cheerful,

thorough, and unconditional. We make it fun to learn to obey by playing

the obedience game. It also helps them learn attentiveness and teaches

them to follow instructions. We might say ‘Go out and jump on the

trampoline ten times and come back and sit down next to me.’ These are

training moments so that when we are out and about and maybe there

is a car coming and I say ‘James, come here right this instant,’ he will

come right to me.

“In older children, I would say over and over you will be a success in

life if you do these two things, Number One if you love God with your

The Duggars at Disneyland.

The newest member of the Duggar family, Jordyn-Grace Makiya

“The most difficult thing about having so many children is keeping up with their hearts, because each is so different and so special. It takes time to invest in their lives and hearts.“

The Duggars at Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, Texas.

The Duggars in front of their home in Springdale, Arkansas.

APRIL 2009 celebrate arkansas 71

heart, soul, mind, and strength, and Number Two, if you love others and

look for ways to serve others.”

Celebrate: What are your top concerns when it comes to your children

and what they learn from you?

Michelle: “I can in answer that in one statement, which is actually a

scripture, III John 1:4 that says ‘I have no greater joy than to hear that

my children walk in truth.’ The whole meaning behind it is that after

they’re grown and they’re not here with Mom and Dad, the whole test of

their raising starts at that point. The joy that comes from knowing that

our children have blessed others as they are following God and walking

in His truth, that would be the greatest joy of my life — it doesn’t matter

their vocation, whether they are a dump truck driver or a doctor, if they

are serving others and loving God, they are going to be a success and will

make a difference for good.

“As we walk through life with our children, we’ll be the first to admit we

make mistakes, every day. The good thing about God’s love is if God can

love us we surely can love each other and encourage one other to become

more like Jesus every day. It’s not about being perfect. That would be

impossible. But it’s really about learning to work through our mistakes,

learning to love each other right where we are, and encourage each other

that with God’s help we can do better tomorrow.

Celebrate: What is the best Mother’s Day gift you’ve ever received?

Michelle: “I’ve gotten a lot of really special things through the years.

One year all the children went in together and got me the Bible on

CD narrated by Alexander Scourby, and that was really wonderful. But

probably the best things are the handmade little love notes from my

children. I keep them in a box and every once in a while I look through it

and I probably treasure those more than anything — with the backwards

letters or upside-down letters saying ‘I love you Mommy,’ ‘Thank you for

taking good care of me, or whatever.”

Celebrate: How would you describe your family’s religion?

Michelle: “We come from a Baptist background. I was saved in a

Baptist church. We were married at First Baptist Church in Springdale.

We’re evangelical Bible-believing Christians learning and growing in our

walk with God each day.”

Celebrate: What do your teenagers do for fun?

Michelle: They enjoy playing broomball at the Jones Center ice rink.

It’s like a poor man’s hockey. Camping and bike riding are some other

favorites! They also enjoy shopping; thankfully they are good shoppers

and budget their hard-earned cash wisely by shopping at thrift stores

and pawn shops.

“We have a projector and watch old TV shows on video that are more

family friendly as a treat when we’re finished with all our school, maybe

once a week, shows like ‘Gomer Pyle’ and ‘Andy Griffith.’”

Celebrate: What do you say to people who think you are too strict

“I don’t think our kids think we’re too strict...they help us set guidelines, and we purpose to incrementally release them as they grow in responsibility.”


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on your teenagers? For example, requiring a chaperone when they just go

out to dinner? What is the reasoning behind that?

Michelle: “I don’t think our kids think we’re too strict. We’ve talked

with them from the time they were little. They agree with us when we

discuss things with them; they help us set guidelines, and we purpose to

incrementally release them as they grow in responsibility, so I have teen

drivers that are 16 and 14-year-old drivers in training, and I’m thrilled to

allow them the privilege to drive when they are ready.

“I don’t view protecting their heart and keeping them from getting into

a situation that would not be healthy for them as being too strict. I view

that as being wise. The reasoning behind it is to protect their heart, to

put a safety net of protection there to guard their heart till they are able

to stand alone for what is right in any given situation.

“There are three parts to a relationship: spiritual, mental, and physical. In

getting to know someone as a potential life partner, you want to get to

know them on the mental and spiritual levels first, figuring out their likes

and dislikes, praying together and talking about life goals. Then when

you know it’s the one God has for you as your life partner — and after

you make your vows before God and everyone — on your wedding day

then you enter into the physical part of the relationship.

Celebrate: Do you and Jim Bob still make time for date nights? If so,

what do you like to do together?

Michelle: “Definitely. Sometimes it’s date afternoon (laughing).

Sometimes we meet for lunch and have a date or go out for dinner

together and sit and talk or get an ice cream and just visit. We try to do

it weekly. We’ve always tried to have a date time. I love to talk, talk, talk,

talk, and he’s become a very good listener! So just getting to be alone

with him and not having interruptions — even though we have our cell

phones and the children may call us a number of times while we’re out

— it’s still an important time.”

Celebrate: What’s something funny people say about your family?

Michelle: “We have been compared to ‘The Sound of Music!’ We actually

once sang one of the tunes with different words, ‘Edelweiss,’ but we

definitely do not sound like the Von Trapp family! We got to meet some of

them though, the grandchildren, and wow, can they sing! We also have had

people mention the original ‘Cheaper By The Dozen’ movie, so we bought

the old version of the movie and we really enjoyed it.

Celebrate: You have been on television now in one manner or another

(documentaries first, and now the series) for about five years. How much

longer will you be on TV?

Michelle: “We’re not real sure how long this will go. We will go through

this season. We’re just kind of praying about it and taking it one day at

a time. Right now we’re all at home, but I would be surprised if it went

for a long duration just because I would think people would lose interest

after the children start to move out and start their own families and it

won’t be that interesting when there aren’t as many children under one

roof.”

The Duggar family, (minus Josh) welcome Jordyn-Grace.

Anna and Josh Duggaron their wedding day.

The family orchestra

“It doesn’t matter their (her kids) vocation, whether they are a dump truck driver or a doctor, if they are serving others and loving God, they are going to be a success and will make a difference for good.”


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Celebrate: Are you looking forward to being a grandmother? In what way?

Michelle: “I have heard it’s really wonderful! You get to enjoy them but

don’t have all the responsibility, like you don’t have to get up in middle of

night to feed them. My experience will be somewhat like my mother’s. In

my family, I was the youngest of seven children; my Mom was still raising

her family when my older siblings were having their families. I spent a lot

of time with my nieces and nephews when I was young. It was a blast. It

was a lot of fun for my Mom and my sisters too. My older children really

are some of my closest friends. So it’ll be fun having grandbabies around

my little guys growing up together. My grandmothering will be a little

different because of it.”

Celebrate: Any plans to have more children of your own?

Michelle: “I would love to, but I’m 42, and I may not be able to have

any more. I definitely would love more. We’ll just wait and see what the

Lord has in store.”

Celebrate: Anything else you would like to share with our readers?

Michelle: There is so much more that can’t be shared in a brief article, so I

encourage readers to go to our family Web site at www.duggarfamily.com,

where we have some great links that have encouraged our family along

life’s way. For more curious readers, you might read our book which shares

in more detail our family’s story, ‘The Duggar Family: 20 & Counting,

Raising One of America’s Largest Families, How They Do It!’ •••

“My older children really are some of my closest friends.”

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