1ACT ONE

Prologue

A gate area of a large, ultra- modern airportcirca1960s.

Lights fade up. We hear the sounds of JETS takingoff and landing.

ANNOUNCEMENTS murmur throughout. Courtesyphones, pages for passengers, calls for specificairlines and flights, mentioning long-gone airlineslike TWA, Braniff, and Pan Am.

VOICE OVER ANNOUNCEMENTWelcome to Miami Dade International Airport. Braniff flight 663 service to New Yorks IdlewildAirport is now boarding.

PASSENGERS hurry back and forth, to and fromtheir flights.

FRANK ABAGNALE, JR. has been sitting on anairport chair reading the newspaper. FBI Agentsenter, revolvers drawn: BRANTON and DOLLAR.They mistakenly pursue an airline passenger runningfor his flight.

BRANTONThere he is! Hold it right there!

DOLLARStop or I'll shoot!

AGENT CARL HANRATTY enters from StageRight. As with the other agents, we don't see muchbeneath the fedora.

HANRATTYHold your fire! Where the heck is he? Hes not giving us the slip this time.

Frank Junior, carrying a suitcase, rises from the chairand quickly runs up the aisle.

Hanratty looks off stage, then notices Frank Junior exiting inthe house.

Frank Junior, still carrying his suitcase, quicklyreverses course and jumps up onto the stage withAGENT COD on his tail. The Agents chase him.

Wait a minute, Men. There he goes! Thats him! Goddangit thats him!

2BRANTON

Don't move!

DOLLARI'll shoot! I will shoot!

Frank Junior hesitates ...

CODAnd he's a really bad shot.

... then takes off again. Hanratty gives chase.

HANRATTYDammit!

COD(overlapping)

There. There he is!

BRANTON(overlapping)

No you dont!

DOLLAR(overlapping)

I'm gonna shoot!A deafening SHOT stops everyone in their tracks.

The Passengers all stop and stare. FRANK, JR.drops the suitcase which falls open, exposing itscontents. Large quantities of cash.

HANRATTYFor the love ofDollar, what does "hold your fire" mean where you come from?

DOLLAR(proud)

I fired a warning shot, Agent Hanratty!

COD(squints at ceiling)

I think you shot down a plane.

FRANK JUNIORThat was close! You could hurt someone.

HANRATTYCome on, Frank. I'd rather take you alive than dead.

FRANK JUNIORCan I at least make a statement first?

HANRATTYAt the airport? No.

FRANK JUNIORI'm sure these people want to know why you're shooting at me.

(Looks to them: they kind of do)I think they should know who I am and what I did and why I did it.

3HANRATTY

This is one of your tricks. Men!(Jerks his head to the Agents, who close in)

You're not going to fool me again, Frank, like you did in that hotel room in L.A. You'renot putting on a show for these people.

FRANK JUNIORA show?

(MUSIC: A figure from the orchestrawe'll call itour STINGER.

Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)

A show.

(Frank Junior snaps his fingers.

MUSIC CONTINUES with a huge timpani roll.

A sudden reveal shows a lavish backdrop andtuxedoed ORCHESTRA on a jazzy bandstand.)

We need some lights.

(He waves his arm. Lights change.)

CODThe hell is he doing?

FRANK JUNIORA studio audience.

HANRATTYMisdirection. It's a con. That's the technique.

FRANK JUNIORCameras. And the Frank Abagnale Junior Orchestra!

(He waves to the Orchestra, the CONDUCTORacknowledges, and launches into the song proper.)

HANRATTYFrank, what the hell are you doing? Branton, Cod, get everyone out of here.

(As the other agents hurry the passengers to the exits,Hanratty edges upstage to check out the orchestra,keeping his gun on Frank Junior ...

... who crosses downstage to us.)

FRANK JUNIORMy name is Frank William Abagnale ... Junior. This is my story.

HANRATTYThese people have musical instruments.

4FRANK JUNIOR

I was a millionaire twice over and half again before I was twenty-one. I stole every nickel of it. I flew almost fivemillion miles as a Pan Am pilot, practiced medicine at a top Atlanta hospital, and worked as a prosecutor for theState of Lousiana, all under assumed names. Mister Hanratty thinks he has all the facts, but only I know just how Idid it. And I did it in style.

(He sings to us. As he does, Hanratty comesdownstage and notices us, and tries not to be toounsettled.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR

FRANK JUNIORLIVE IN LIVING COLORLET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIDEYES, I'M LIVE IN LIVING COLORSO SIT BACK AND LET ME BEYOUR T.V. GUIDE!

(The groove kicks in. Hanratty points the gun atFrank Junior.)

HANRATTYAll right, thats enough. Frank, you're coming in. Now.

FRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty, when that shot rang out, my whole life flashed before my eyes. I saw it all! Well I mean, thehighlights. Like on a television special or something. Like we used to watch, mom and dad and me.

HANRATTYYou think your life is a T.V. special?

FRANK JUNIORI know. Modesty has never been one of my virtues.

HANRATTYVirtue has never been one of your virtues.

FRANK JUNIORTrue story.

(sings)I GOTTA STORY I'D LIKE TO TELLBUT I'M GONNA NEED HELP TO TELL IT WELLI GOTTA STORY ABOUT FAME AND MONEYAND IT'S GOT MORE CURVES THAN A PLAYBOY BUNNYI WANNA LIVE NOT JUST SURVIVEI WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVEAND IN LIVING COLOR!

(The ENSEMBLE has entered, and Hanratty findshimself surrounded by dancing bodies ...)

ENSEMBLE(on Frank Junior's "color")

LIVE IN LIVING COLOR

5(... and he ducks, flails, and fights his way out to oneside, as Frank Junior continues. The Ensemble dressFrank Junior for the show, and bring in the set.)

FRANK JUNIORSOMETHING SPECIAL'S UP TONIGHTYES I'M

FRANK JUNIOR + ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLOR

FRANK JUNIORLIFE AIN'T LIVED IN BLACK AND WHITE!

(speaks)Ladies and gentlemen, the Frank Abagnale Junior Singers and Dancers!

(Hanratty fights his way through the Frank AbagnaleJunior Singers and Dancers and speaks to us.)

HANRATTYHold on, Folks, listen, by the time this guy was twenty years old, he had stolen almost one-point-eight milliondollars. He's a con man, plain and simple. Has been since the age of sixteen, when he bilked twenty grand from hisfather's Mobil card to buy presents for girls. When he got caught his only excuse was

FRANK JUNIORI like girls.

HANRATTYHe likes girls. Tell the folks, Frank, how "I like girls" becomes "I'm wanted on five continents."

FRANK JUNIOROh, you mean like the story of how Superman became Superman?

HANRATTY(half beat)

Your ability to pull myth from manure is truly impressive.

FRANK JUNIORThank you!

FRANK JR. + ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLOR

FRANK JUNIORAND IT'S BROUGHT TO YOU BY MEYES IT'S LIVE IN LIVING COLOR

ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLOR

FRANK JUNIORTHIS WON'T FIT IN YOUR T.V.!

(speaks)Also starring my parents, Frank and Paula Abagnale!

6(MUSIC CHANGES.

FRANK SENIOR and PAULA enter in a sweep, andbegin to dance together, beautifully. They aremirrored by two other dancing couples. Stunning andromantic.)

My parents met in France. A little village called Montrichard. After the war. My dad was a GI. My mother wasyoung and beautiful.

FRANK SENIOR(To us)

All the people in that little French village were so happy to see Americans that they decided to put on a show for us.So they crammed two hundred soldiers into a tiny social hall and the first person to walk on stage is your mother,and she starts to dance ... The men are literally holding their breath. And I turned to my buddies and I said

FRANK SENIOR + FRANK JUNIORI am not leaving France without that woman.

PAULAI always get into trouble when I dance with you.

(They dance. Frank Junior watches.)

FRANK JUNIORWhen I was a kid, I could watch them dance all night.

(Hanratty steps in.)

HANRATTY[continuing as needed]

Frank, come on, I interviewed both your parents, don't try to sell me [some sentimental picture of domestic bliss]

(Frank Junior plows forth as MUSIC CHANGES.

Frank Senior sweeps Paula off her feet, and theydance off with the other couples.

FRANK JUNIORAlso starring Playboy's Playmate of the Year, Cheryl Ann ... Something!

(Lights on CHERYL ANN, who's pissed.)

CHERYL ANNI'm surprised you even remembered my first name. Listen, you no good sonofabitch

FRANK JUNIORThank you, Cheryl Ann! And introducing the Strong family, featuring the beautiful, sweet, faithful and true BrendaStrong, R.N.!

(Lights on BRENDA, with ROGER and CAROLSTRONG behind her)

BRENDAHi, Frank!

7FRANK JUNIOR

Hi, Brenda. Listen, I've got this show to do and you're gonna be in it. In fact, youre one of the stars.

BRENDAFrank, I wouldnt do this for anyone but you.

FRANK JUNIORYou're gonna be great. Now, will you wait for me over there? I'll let you know when it's time.

BRENDAFrank. I love you.

(Brenda exits with her parents, Frank Juniorwatches. And says, to himself:)

FRANK JUNIORI loved you, too.

(Hanratty has had enough.)

HANRATTYAll right, Frank. I've heard all I can hear. I don't want to hear any more.

FRANK JUNIORI dont believe you. I think you want the rest of the story.

HANRATTYI know the whole story All right, wait a minute, theres something that still bugs me. Howd you pass the barexam? In New Orleans? Howd you cheat the bar?

FRANK JUNIORAll right Mr. Hanratty Ill make you a deal. You let me finish, and Ill tell you anything. We owe each other thatmuch, dontcha think? Ill get to tell my story. And youll have a full confession.

HANRATTYOkay, deal. Frank. Or whatever you're calling yourself today wait where am I going?

(Hanratty disappears down the center elevator lift)

FRANK JUNIOR ENSEMBLEWHAT'S IN A NAME?

SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPJUST WINDOW DRESSING

SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPEVERYBODY KNOWS THAT IT'S THE CLOTHESTHAT MAKE THE MAN

CLOTHES THAT MAKE THE MANPLAY THE GAME

SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPJUST KEEP 'EM GUESSING

SHOO-BEE DOO-WOP, BOP-BOPMIX AND MATCH METRY TO CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

OH, I GOTTA STORY THAT'SSTRANGE BUT TRUE

8I GOTTA STORY THAT'SSTRANGE BUT TRUE

SO COME FLY WITH MEFOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW

SO COME FLY WITH MEFOR A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW

I'VE GOT THE WORLDAT MY COMMAND

I'VE GOT THE WORLDAT MY COMMAND

AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MANDISNEYLAND

AND I'LL BE YOUR ONE-MANDISNEYLAND

I DONT WANNA WAITFOR THE COPS TO ARRIVEI WANNA TELL MY STORY LIVEAND IN LIVING COLOR

LIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'MLIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYES AND I'LL BE GONE, YES I'MLIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ON, YES I'MLIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYESBLINK YOUR EYES BLINK YOUR EYESAND I'LLBE GONE BE GONE!

SONG ENDS.

(MUSIC begins again. The ensemble break theirtableaux and dance in the background as FrankJunior speaks to us our host.)

FRANK JUNIORLadies and gentlemen, our story begins on Christmas Eve, 1964, New Rochelle, New York. The Abagnale home. Abeautiful house on the best street. The house everyone wanted, and the family everyone wanted to be.

(Frank Junior goes, and the Ensemble comesforwardand set the stage for the Abagnale home.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (TAG)

ENSEMBLELIVE IN LIVING COLORTUNE ME IN AND TURN ME ONLIVE IN LIVING COLORBLINK YOUR EYES AND ILL BE GONE

(As we complete the TRANSITION TO ...)

9Scene 1: Living Room, The Abagnale House, NewRochelle

(... and the dancers move to the background and thendisappear.

Paula opens the Christmas Tree.

Frank Senior watches her.

Frank Junior is watching a small color television set,and the SINGERS fade from house speakers to thetelevision setthey're on the show Frank Junior iswatching.)

ENSEMBLE (ON TV)LIVE IN LIVING COLOR LIVE IN LIVING COLOR

SONG ENDS.

PAULAIt truly is a beautiful tree, Frank.

FRANK SENIORIts the genuine spirit of real Christmas, right there - one hundred percent acrylic.

PAULABut so that I understand you left this morning with a Cadillac and two hundred dollars and come home with aChristmas tree, a television set, and a used Ford?

FRANK SENIORCan I strike a bargain or what? I left those guys with their heads spinning.

PAULAI think I know the feeling.

FRANK SENIORIts that Abagnale magic. Cmon dance with me.

PAULAFrank, I DO have dinner going-

(But she starts to dance with him. Frank Jr. is stillwith the television.)

FRANK JUNIORWow Dad, you're righteverything is better in color.

FRANK SENIORHow about that thirteen-inch screen?

FRANK JUNIORIts like Andy Williams is right here in our living room.

10FRANK SENIOR

Nothings too good for my boy or my bride.

FRANK JUNIORBut Dad, didnt those guys know you were getting away with something?

FRANK SENIORPeople only know what you tell them, Frankie. Its all a dance swap the Caddy for the Ford, use the extra cash topay the mortgage, use the mortgage to leverage the bank loan, use the loan to tide the business over until you can getthe Caddy back. Theres always another move to make.

PAULA(pulls away)

I really should see to dinner.(She goes.)

FRANK JUNIORThats great you got the loan, Dad.

FRANK SENIORShh. I didnt get the loan.

FRANK JUNIORYou didnt but I thought you said-

FRANK SENIORI got something better.

(hands him a checkbook.)Fifty checks. The account's in your name. I put twenty-five dollars in it so you can buy whatever you want. Don'ttell your mother.

FRANK JUNIORThanks, Dad. But if they didn't give you the loan, why did you

FRANK SENIOROne day youre gonna want something from these people. A house, a car. They have all the money. And this meansfrom this day on, you're in their little club.

FRANK JUNIORBut why didn't they give you the loan?

FRANK SENIORAh, its just a technicality. They won't loan to anyone under I.R.S. investigation.

FRANK JUNIOROh.

FRANK SENIORListen to me. You remember this story. Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave upand drowned. The second mouse wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream intobutter

FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIOR and he climbed out.

FRANK SENIORAnd who are we?

11FRANK JUNIOR

We're the second mouse.

FRANK SENIORDamn straight we are. We're gonna be fine. As a matter of fact, you know what ? We're going downtown to buyyou your Christmas present. A brand new Botany 500 suit.

FRANK JUNIORDad, thats too expensive.

FRANK SENIORFrankie. You know why the Yankees win all the time? It's not the Mick. It's not Joe Pepitone. It's the uniform.

(MUSIC.)

The other teams just stand there, staring at the pinstripes, mesmerized. The Dodgers were so scaredthey had to leave town.

SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE

FRANK SENIORWHEN YOUR MOTHER WALKED INTOTHAT DANCEHALL IN MONTRICHARDWHAT DID SHE SEE?THROUGH THE HAZE OF CHAMPAGNE DID SHE NOTICE MY BRAINOR MY COLLEGE DEGREE?

KID, WHAT SHE SAW WAS THE UNIFORM!THROUGH THE DIRT AND DEBRISYEAH, THOSE LADIES GAVE THANKSTO US VISITING YANKSCAUSE THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE

(Frank Senior is joined by a bevy of BEAUTIFUL GIRLS inYankee pinstripes. Frank Junior comes downstage: our host.)

FRANK JUNIOR(to us, pausing as needed)

Ladies and gentlemen, the smartest man I know. The man with all the moves, my dadFrank ... Abagnale ...Senior!

FRANK SENIOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLSWHEN A PILOT WALKS ONTO THE PLANEALL THE PASSENGERS SMILE AND RELAX

DO THEY SEE HES STILL TIGHT FROM THAT PARTY LAST NIGHTAND THE BACK TO BACK JACKS?

OOOOOOOH

SMILE AND RELAXSMILE AND RELAX

STEWED TO THE MAX

FRANK SENIORNO!, WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORMHOW IT FITS TO A TEELIKE THAT VISITING TEAMTHAT THE YANKEES WILL CREAMTHE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE

12(The Beautiful Girls surround Frank Junior, and heemerges dressed smartly in his prep-school blazer.)

IF YOU WANNA BE A SOMEONEYOU CANT LOOK LIKE A BUMA BOOKS JUDGED BY ITS COVERTHATS THE FIRST RULE OF THUMB

I WANNA SEE YA TAKE OFFSTRAIGHT TO THE TOP FLOORSTART DRESSIN TO IMPRESS EMSON YOU'LL STROLL IN THE FRONT DOORA KID IN A MANS CANDY STORE

(As Frank Junior speaks to us, Jack Barnes and Paulaenter, not quite separately.

Jack goes to Frank Senior and shakes his hand. Paulacomes to Frank Junior. MUSIC CONTINUES as weCONTINUE TO:)

13Scene 2: New Rochelle High School

FRANK JUNIOREverybody loved my dad. Jack Barnes, the head of the Chamber of Commerce, called him

FRANK JUNIOR AND JACK BARNESthe most popular businessman in New Rochelle!

PAULAFrankie, you don't have to wear your school blazer. You're going to public school now.

FRANK JUNIORI'm used to it. And, I mean, what's the Flash without his suit? Anyway, public school is only for now. Dad'll getback on his feet and I'll be back at St. Francis before you know it.

PAULAMy brave little soldier. You aren't afraid of anything.

FRANK JUNIORIll be fine, Mom. You do what you have to do.

PAULAWell, you do look handsome. Comme tu es beau!

(She sighs, kisses him on the cheek, and goes.Frank Junior heads to school.He is met by a JOCK and a NERD)

FRANK JUNIOR'Scuse me, is this room 17 French?

NERD(checking his outfit)

Who wants to know? The F.B.I.?

(The two students LAUGH and move past him, the Jockaccidentally-on-purpose bumping Frank Junior and sendinghim stumbling.)

JOCKYeah. He looks like a ... like a substitute teacher or somethin'.

(STINGER.

Frank Junior looks at us and smiles.)

FRANK JUNIORShouldnt you boys be in class? Depechez-vous. Vite. Vite. Vite.

(Lights change.

Frank Senior and Paula are with a dour female PRINCIPAL.)

14PRINCIPAL OWINGS

Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, I regret to inform you that for the past week, Frank has been teaching Mrs. Glaser's Frenchclass.

PAULAHe what?

PRINCIPALYour son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher. Lecturing the students, giving out homework. Your sonheld three teacher-parent conferences yesterday, and was planning a class field trip to a French Fry Factory inTrenton.

(Frank Junior waits, nervously, outside thePrincipal's office.)

PAULAYou have to forgive him. There's been so much change. We lost our house

FRANK SENIOR(smoothly cuts her off)

Principal Owings, on my way in from the outer office, I found this necklace on the floor. Is it yours?

(He pulls a locket necklace from his pocket.)

PAULAFrank, please.

FRANK SENIORYou must have dropped it. Looks like it was made for you.

PRINCIPALWell. Mister Abagnale.

(But she takes it. As Frank Senior shakes hands with thePrincipal, who exits opposite, Paula goes to Frank Junior.)

PAULAFrankie Je ne peux pas.

(She shakes her head again and goes. Frank Seniortakes her place, putting on his hat. Looks at his son,who slowly meets his gaze.)

FRANK SENIORFrench fry factory?!

(Finally, Frank Senior LAUGHS. And Frank JuniorLAUGHS.)

FRANK SENIOR AND FRANK JUNIORYEAH, WERE GONNA HIT THE HIGH-LIFEWEVE ONLY JUST BEGUNWERE GONNA BE TOGETHERFRANK SENIOR AND SON

DINE AT THE LATIN QUARTERA NIGHTCAP AT TOOTS SHORYEAH, WERE GONNA BE AT RINGSIDELIFE WILL BE BETTER THAN BEFOREFOR TWO KIDS IN A MANS CANDY STORE

15(Frank Senior claps his son on the shoulder and goes.Frank Junior moves to follow, but sees BETTY.)

FRANK JUNIORHi.

BETTYHi. Is the Principal in her office? I need to give her this note from my mother, excusing me from sixth period.

FRANK JUNIORYou should fold it. It's more believable that way.

BETTYNo, this really is a note from my mother.

FRANK JUNIORWhat's the first thing you do when your mother hands you a note? You fold it up and put it in your pocket.

(A half-beat, and Betty folds the note.)

BETTYThanks. I'm Betty.

FRANK JUNIORFrank.

BETTYNice jacket.

(She plants an impulsive kiss on his cheek, and goes.He swoons and sings.)

WHAT THEY SEE IS THE UNIFORMJUST ASK ONE MAITRE DOR A TAILOR IN PARISGO ASK ROGER MARIS!THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE

(Frank Junior dances his way home as we TRANSITION TO ...)

16

Scene 3: The Abagnale Apartment, Downtown New Rochelle

(... and as Frank Junior dances right on in the door,his mother and father dance on opposite. But with aturn, in an instant, we see that it's not his father. It'sJACK BARNES. And Frank Junior sees this, andthey see him.

MUSIC STOPS suddenly.)

SONG ENDS.

FRANK JUNIORMom, Dad I met this girl

PAULAFrankie! You remember your father's friend, Jack Barnes?

FRANK JUNIORHello.

JACK BARNESFrank. Good to see you. Paula I Take care.

(He grabs his hat and goes. Frank Junior is silent.)

PAULAAre you hungry, Frankie? I'll make you a sandwich.

(Frank Junior doesn't move.)

Frankie?(No answer.)

You're not going to tell him.

FRANK JUNIORNo.

PAULAThat's right. There's nothing to tell. I'm going out for a few hours to visit some old friends from the tennis club, andwhen I get back, we'll all have dinner together, right?

(Frank Junior rubs his eyes. Paula gets herpocketbook.)

Do you need some money, Frankie? A few dollars to buy some comic books? Here, take two.

(She stuffs two dollar bills in his pants pocket. Hedoesnt acknowledge her. Then )

FRANK JUNIORTwo hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall, and you ... you ...

PAULAI was sixteen years old when I met your father. I was your age. How could I know what I wanted? Dites donc?

17FRANK JUNIOR

You wanted him.

PAULAI did, once. And I wanted to get out of France. And I wanted to have a child.

(She reaches for him, but he pulls away.)

(considers him, then)It was a long time ago, Frankie. Believe me, one day you'll look at yourself, and you won't be who you were.

(He turns away from her and walks into his bedroom:piles of comic books, a "Flash" bedspread. He takeshis jacket off and tosses it.)

SONG: SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN

FRANK JUNIORTHERES NO PHONE BOOTHTHERES NO CAPETHERES NO STEVE MCQUEENTO HELP ME MAKE MY GREAT ESCAPE

HOW CAN I FLYLIKE A HERO IN THE SKYBE A SHOOTING STAR OUT IN THE STRATOSPHERE

WHERES THE SHADOW?HE MIGHT KNOWWHERES THAT SEARCHLIGHT IN THE SKYTO POINT THE WAY TO GO?

THROUGH SOME NEW CLOUDTO DISAPPEAR INTO THE CROWDTHOUGH THE FUTURES DARKTHERES ONE THING CRYSTAL CLEARTHAT THERES NO HOME HERE

(MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)

18

Scene 4: Family Court and Train Station, New Rochelle

(The Family Court Judge appears with Frank Seniorand Paula ...)

JUDGESon, listen to me. We just need a name. Your mother or your father.

(... and as the bedroom goes away, Frank Juniorcomes downstage for that "break-in-a-ballad"confessional moment.)

FRANK JUNIOR(to us)

One day the principal pulls me out of class and drives me to the Courthouse. Doesn't tell me why. I walk in and I seemy parents up front, with their lawyers, and the judge.

JUDGEIt can get very expensive, people fighting over their children.

PAULANobody's fighting. Frankie, Look at me. Nobody's fighting.

(The adults continue, overlapping, as Frank Juniorsings to us.)

FRANK JUNIORSO MANY VOICES TELLING ME TO CHOOSE

JUDGEThe court can decide these things, but it's better if the family does.

FRANK JUNIORITS LIKE A GAME WHERE EITHER TEAM I LOSE

FRANK SENIORFrankie, just give them a name, and this will all be over. It's going to be okay.

FRANK JUNIORTHIS KINDA NOISE JUST MAKES ME WANNA SHOUT

PAULAMy brave little soldier. Do what you have to do.

FRANK JUNIORID LIKE TO BUY A ONE-WAY TICKET OUT

FRANK SENIORIm sorry, Frankie. Ive got no room to move here.

FRANK JUNIORRULES OF THE ROAD SAY DONT LOOK BACKEYES STRAIGHT AHEAD, DONT JUMP THE TRACKTRY A NEW GAMEAND PRAY THAT I CAN WIN

19'CAUSE I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINESO I'LL SLIP NOWINTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN

(And as the music hits a driving groove, Frank Juniorturns and runs.

The Family Court disappears. Frank is on the street,COMMUTERS hurrying to and fro.)

COMMUTERSHOO-HOO, HOO HOO

(The RAILROAD AGENT appars and Frank Juniorapproaches. He holds out a couple of crumpled bills)

FRANK JUNIOROne for Grand Central Station, please.

RAILROAD AGENTRound trip is five dollars. One way is three. You have two.

(The Railroad Agent holds up the bills. MUSICCHANGES. Lights change, isolating Frank Junior.He looks at us, and speaks rapidly, without pause, asthe Railroad Agent continues as if Frank Junior isstill just in the scene with him.)

FRANK JUNIOROkay, so I didn't really know what I was doing, I just knew I had to get out, and I'm not proud of this but myinstincts took over. Misdirection. Maintain eye contact. Keep talking. And I take my money back from the ticketseller and I make it disappear

(He does, using a nifty bit of sleight-of-hand. MUSICCHANGES.)

and I spin some tale about meeting my grandmother at Idlewild while I ask for my change, even though hedoesn't owe me any change

RAILROAD AGENTWait, what?

FRANK JUNIOR but I keep talking, and waiting for my change, or in this case my money back, and in his confusion he thinks heowes me change, and he gives me two dollars, so now I have four dollars which is enough for my one way ticket toManhattan, because I don't plan on coming back

(The Railroad Agent takes the money from FrankJunior, who turns to go, but:)

RAILROAD AGENTHold it!

FRANK JUNIORWhat?

20RAILROAD AGENT

Your ticket.

FRANK JUNIORThanks.

Like I said, I'm not proud of it, but you do what you have to do. I had to find a way out, and this is the way I found.

(MUSIC STARTS TO BUILD as hecontinues.)

They wanted me to choose ... and I chose. The New Haven line. Track Two, the ten-fifteen to New York City!

FRANK JUNIORRUN DOWN THE STREETRUN OUT OF TOWNI'M GONNA RUNFROM THE HOME TEAMAND NEVER TOUCH DOWN

RUN FROM THE BOOKS'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKEI'M GONNA RUNFROM THE CHOICESTHAT I DON'T WANNA MAKE

SCHOOL'S NOT OUT BUT I CAN'T WAITIT'S THE PERFECT TIME TO GRADUATETODAYI'VE GOTTA RUN AWAY NOWI'VE GOT TO RUN AWAY

I KNOW THEY'LL SEE THE TRUTHWHEN I MOVE ONTHEY'LL NEED EACH OTHER MUCH MOREONCE I'M GONE

AND WHEN I'M FLUSHAND HE'S BACK ON HIS FEETI'LL PICK HIM UP AND RIDEDOWN EASY STREET

NO TIME TO CRY FOR ALL THE YEARSA RUSTY GAS TANKFULL OF TEARSGETS YOU NOWHERENOT THE PLACES I WANT IN

AND I JUST DON'T FEEL AT HOME IN MINESO I'LL SLIP NOWINTO SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.

COMMUTERSRUN DOWN THE STREETRUN OUT OF TOWN

RUN FROM THE BOOKS'CAUSE IT'S ALL BEEN A FAKE

AH AHAH AHTODAYHOO-HOOHOO-HOO

OO-OO-OO

FULL OF TEARS

AH-AH AH-AHAH-AH AH-AHSOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.SOMEONE ELSE'S SKIN.

(MUSIC CONTINUES as we TRANSITION TO:)

21Scene 5: Chase Bank, Manhattan

(On applause from SOMEONE ELSES SKIN,Frank Junior comes downstage to speak to us.)

FRANK JUNIORAnd now, ladies and gentlemen, a word from our sponsors!

(He gestures, and three ATTRACTIVEASSISTANTS come dancing in.)

These great products can help you survive your first few weeks in New York with just fifty checks and a driver'slicense.

(Three ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANTS bring in theproducts as Frank describes them. A FOURTHATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT holds Franks briefcasefor him)

Swiss Army Penknives can help you alter the age on your driver's license. Because a sixteen-year-old cashing acheck or opening an account by himself

SWISS ARMY KNIFE ASSISTANT(with Swiss Army knife)

gets a lot of questions!

FRANK JUNIORHiggins brand Genuine Original India Ink flows easily through your pen or brusha few dabs on your license,you're ten years older.

INDIA INK ASSISTANT(with bottle of ink)

And no one can tell the difference!

FRANK JUNIORElmer's Glue is perfect for the craftsperson of any age who needs to change their name. With a pair of scissors youcan cut and paste names from other documents, and you're officially Frank Taylor Junior. And if Frank Taylorwears out his welcome

ELMERS GLUE ASSISTANT(with Elmer's Glue)

You can be Frank Adams!

ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #2 Or Frank Conners.

ATTRACTIVE ASSISTANT #1Or William Taylor.

SWISS ARMY KNIFEA SNIP,

INDIA INK

A DAB,

ELMERS GLUE

A TOUCH OF GLUE

THREE ASSISTANTSAND YOULL BE GOOD TO GO

FRANK JUNIORBIG THANKS TO ALL OUR SPONSORS!

22

THREE ASSISTANTSNOW, RIGHT BACK TO THE SHOW!

(As the Assistants dance off Stage Left, Hanrattyenters from Stage Right)

HANRATTYI know, I know. Very entertaining. Very good.

FRANK JUNIORLadies and Gentlemen! Its our very special guest star, Mister Hanratty.

HANRATTY(Hanratty comes downstage to us.)

What hes leaving out folks, in his charming fashion, is the fact that in just a few short months this guy had soakedjust about every branch of Chase Manhattan in the five boroughs and in northern New Jersey. He opened accountsall over the tri-state area, and dropped rubber in just about every hotel, grocery store, and dry cleaners from here toHoboken. He was the Johnny Appleseed of fraud.

FRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty, thanks for stopping by, were going to be seeing him of him in just a bit but right now theres amuch more exciting turn of events.

(He escorts Hanratty toward the wings, then leaveshim to join a BANK TELLER. But Hanratty staysand keeps speaking to us.)

HANRATTYHe didnt know his bad checks were on my desk. He didnt know his mother had filed a missing-persons report. Hedidnt know that his clock was ticking.

(Frank Junior is before DIANE, the Bank Teller at acounter.)

DIANE, BANK TELLERI'm sorry, Mister Taylor. We cant cash this.

FRANK JUNIORSay, Diane, I found this on the sidewalk out front, and I think it might be yours

HANRATTYIt's not.

BANK TELLERI'm sorry, Mister Taylor, we have new restrictions on cashing checks.

HANRATTY(shows us)

Seems someone put out an F.B.I. bulletin.

BANK TELLERIf you'd like to leave us your home phone number, we can hold on to this

(Frank Junior drops the necklace in his valise, slidesthe check off the counter, backs away.)

23FRANK JUNIOR

You know, thank you, but I'm late. For an appointment. With my stockbroker.

(He backs away, but Hanratty stops him.)

HANRATTYHes going to try six more bankssame story. We were on him.

FRANK JUNIORThen why didnt he catch me?

HANRATTYOnly a matter of time.

(Hanratty freezes.)

FRANK JUNIORMister Hanrattys jumping ahead. He and I dont even meet face to face for months yet. Right now, hes still stuckat his desk.

(comes down to talk to us)

Trying to put it all together. See, when my first fifty checks ran out, I bought a little printing press and I made myown. While I was producing more rubber than a tire factory, Mister Hanratty and his team were trying to find mytrail.

(MUSIC. Frank Junior sings.)

LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (Reprise)

FRANK JUNIORAND THOUGH IM LIVE IN LIVING COLORAT THE FBI THE SHOWS IN BLACK AND WHITE.

(He drops a colorful check, and a load of black and whitechecks rain down from the flies, onto Hanratty and into theopen elevator traps.

24

Scene 6: F.B.I. Office

The elevators begin to lift the FBI office into view. AgentsBRANTON, COD, and DOLLAR are drowning in checks andwe hear:)

CODDollar! What have you done!

BRANTONYeah, Dollar, the next time we tell you to move file boxes, and you stack them ten high, could you make sure youreunder them when they fall?

DOLLARWhoops!

HANRATTYLeave the kid alone.

BRANTONCome on, Hanratty. We always give the rookies a hard time. Dont you remember how they razzed you?

HANRATTYYes, and its an experience I see no reason to repeat. Now listen, we have three or four major-league paperhangerssomewhere in this mess, so we are going to sort it out, even if it means we drop dead at our desks and our fossilizedbones are discovered in some archeological dig in the twenty-first century.

CODCmon Hanratty its 4:45. Its Thanksgiving.

HANRATTYListen We do the job because it's the job and as long as I'm Interim Second Assistant Special Agent in Charge ofthe Bank Fraud and Forgery Subdivision, North Atlantic region thank you very much we will do the job untilits done. Thanksgiving or no Thanksgiving.

BRANTONThats easy for you to say, Hanratty. Some of us still have wives.

HANRATTYLow blow, Agent Branton. And, by the way, go home for lunch one of these days, unannounced, and see how thatworks out for you.

(The men laugh.)

DOLLARHe got you there.

BRANTONShouldnt you be in another department? Like maybe daycare?

DOLLARI was auditing background checks for the Library of Congress and I asked for a transfer. I requested somethingwhere I could use my gun. I like guns. And cars. Anything loud or fast, basically.

HANRATTY(shudders)

How about Shelley Winters? Shes loud and fast. Come on, Dollar, I know that this job is not as exciting asfieldwork, or counter-intelligence

25COD

Or a long, slow death.

HANRATTYand maybe nobody knows you're down here. But he does. Oh yeah, he does. The one you're after. He knows.And the day you catch him, and you will, the day you slap those cuffs on him and watch them haul him away (musicunder) oh, now this is interesting (more music under). This is very, very interesting.

BRANTONI know you think so, and thats the sad thing.

HANRATTYLook at these two. Hes changing the MICR numbers on the checks.

DOLLARMicker? Micker Mouse?

CODWho the hell is Micker Mouse?

HANRATTYMICR! MICR! M-I-C-R. Magnetic Ink Character Recognition. Jiminy Christmas, Frank Taylor must've got hishands on a MICR encoder.

(looks at the other check)And Frank Williams too. Look here. If you change a zero-two to a one-two, a check that was cashed in New Yorkgets rerouted all the way to San Francisco and its weeks before the bank that cashed it knows theyre bad.

DOLLARYou mean those numbers at the bottom the check actually mean something?

HANRATTYThey mean that Frank Taylor and Frank Williams and William Franklin are the same person. They mean that he canstay in one place and write bad checks for weeks and weeks. And that means there must be thousands more checksjust like this out there more bum checks than a Prague prison!

(A second load of checks drops.)

BRANTON, COD + DOLLARNooooo!

HANRATTYAnd that means no Christmas for you MICR mouse.

(He points at Cod.)And no Hanukah either.

(MUSIC. Frank Junior returns and the men sweepthe checks onto the lifts as we TRANSITION TO:)

26

Scene 7: Outside the Tudor Hotel, Manhattan, and in the Skies

(As soon as the deck is clear, the elevators begin tosink out of sight. And Frank Junior )

FRANK JUNIORWell, that should keep Mister Hanratty busy for a while. But unfortunately he was right. My clock was ticking. I'dalways wanted to be good at something. Now I was really good ... at passing bad checks. I was a crook, nothingmore, and the shelf life was getting shorter. But then one day, I went walking past the Tudor Hotel on 42nd Street,and destiny came walking out those revolving doors.

(MUSIC.

He almost collides with a beautiful young Pan AmSTEWARDESS emerging, travel bags in hand.)

FRANK JUNIOROh!! Excuse me.

(He takes her measure.)

STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)Thats quite all right.

(She continues past him, as Frank watches, agape. ASECOND STEWARDESS comes through the door.)

STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY)Excuse me.

FRANK JUNIORKinda late to be checking out, isn't it?

STEWARDESS #2 (MINDY)We all have evening flights.

FRANK JUNIOR"We all. ..?"

(A parade of STEWARDESSES, all in the same PanAm outfit, march in through the door, satchels inhand. He bobs and weaves as they move through.)

FRANK JUNIOROh, Iexcuse mewhoops!hello, there ...

(to us)Are you seeing this?

(STEWARDESS #3 bumps him on her way by ...)

STEWARDESS #3 (LINDY)Oh! Excuse me.

27FRANK JUNIOR

No ... excuse me. Um. Who are you all waiting for?

THE STEWARDESSESThe pilots.

(Frank Junior blinks.STINGER.He smiles at us, then at her.)

Excuse me, miss ... I've been training as a pilot. Is Pan Am hiring?

STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)Aren't you sweet. Here.

(She pulls a business card from her bust. It's thewrong one. She pulls another; then the third time'sthe charm:)

Here it is. Talk to Jerry Taylor, VP of personnel. Tell him Cindy sent you.

FRANK JUNIORThank you, Miss Cindy. Tell meis flying everything it's cracked up to be?

STEWARDESS #1 (CINDY)The only thing better than flyingis what happens on the ground.

(Frank Junior steps downstage: our host.)

FRANK JUNIOR(to us, our host:)

Ladies and gentlemen, Cindy, Mindy, Lindy, Kelly, Shellie, Nellie, Sherrie, Terri, Karrie, and Jane.I like to call them ... "The Jet Set."

SONG: THE JET SET

CINDYWOKE UP IN BROOKLYNWITH A FROWN UPON MY FACE

(One by one, the other Stewardesses join her, tellingFrank Junior how it is.)

MINDYJUST LEFT WISCONSINWHERE THERE'S CHEESE ENOUGHTO START THIS RAT RACE

CINDYBUT THANKS TO THE BROTHERS WRIGHT

CINDY + MINDYWE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'LL SLEEP TONIGHT

28CINDY

YEAH, I'M A BIRD IN THE SKIES

MINDYAND TOMORROW WHEN I RISE

LINDYI'LL WAKE UP IN PARISWITH A NEW LOVE IN MY HEART

JANEOR MAYBE GERMANYWITH THAT BRAND NEW PETI MET IN STUTTGART

KELLIESKIES THE LIMIT, TIME TO PLAYI'LL PUT DOWN ROOTS SOME OTHER DAY

SHELLIENO NEED TO BE A LONELY JOE

STEWARDESSESTHE JET-SET IS THE

SHELLIEONLY WAY TO GO

(One Stewardess pulls a pair of horn-rimmed glasses from hersatchel and puts them on Frank Junior. Another Stewardessopens her satchel, and he takes out a camera and a notebook.A PAN AM EXECUTIVE enters.)

PAN AM EXECUTIVESo you're the kid writing the article for the school paper?

FRANK JUNIOR(turns to him, now a high school kid)

Yes sir. Frank Black from Monroe High School. I want to know everything there is to know about being a Pan Ampilot. For instance, what does it mean when one pilot says to another pilot, "I've been on the same equipment allweek, jumpin' puddles for the weak and weary?"

PAN AM EXECUTIVEMeans they've been flying the same plane, short flights, mostly commuters.

FRANK JUNIORAnd what about those I.D. badges that I've seen pilots wear?

PAN AM EXECEvery pilot has to have it with him at all times. It's an airline personnel badge, like this one here from Pan Am.

FRANK JUNIORThank you for your time, sir! Can I get a picture?

PAN EXECOh, sure.

29(Frank Junior points the camera right at his ID badge.FLASH.)

FRANK JUNIORGot it!

(The Executive goes and the Stewardesses are back.)

STEWARDESSESWOULDJA LIKE NEW MUSIC AND MYSTERYEACH AND EVERYDAYLOSE THE SAME OLD MUSIC AND HISTRYMAKE A NEW FRIEND THENFLY AWAY

(One Stewardess brings Frank Junior an in-flight cartwith familiar sponsor products: Penknife, scissors,glue, India ink. Frank holds up a blank piece ofpaper, and goes to work making a Pan Am Badge.)

STEWARDESSES (CONT'D)AND WAKE UP IN TEXASWHERE THEY TREAT THEIR WOMEN RIGHTAND THEN TRY HOLLYWOODWHERE THE STARS GET LITOUT IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

ANY CITY, NEAR OR FARFEELS TWICE AS GOOD AS WHERE YOU AREWHEN YOURE SICK OF THE STATUS QUOTHE JET-SET ISTHE ONLY WAY TO GO

(Frank Junior holds up his completed badge.)

FRANK JUNIORMy Pan Am pilot's badge! How cool is that?

A TAILOR enters, measuring tape and note pad inhand.

TAILORAwfully young to be a pilot, aren't ya?

FRANK JUNIORI get that a lot. I'm just a co-pilot.

TAILORWhy so nervous?

FRANK JUNIORHow would you feel if you lost your uniform your first week on the job?

30TAILOR

Ah, I hear you. That'll be one forty-three ninety-seven.

FRANK JUNIORCan I write you a check?

TAILORNono checks, no cash. Just need your employee number.

(He pulls out a form and begins to fill it out. Franktries to read it upside down, to count spaces fornumbers:)

FRANK JUNIORSure. It's. Six. One. Four ... Three.(?) Four (?) Five.(?) S

(But before he gets the next number out, the Tailornods, finished, and Frank Junior pulls it back.)

TAILORGreat! I'll bill Pan Am, they'll take it out of your next paycheck.

FRANK JUNIORThats why Pan Am will always be around.

(Frank Junior and the Tailor go as the PILOTS enterwith Stewardesses.)

ALL PILOTSWOULDJA LIKE A SLEIGH RIDE, A HAYRIDE?THEN KIDDO, JUST STAY HOMEBUT, IF YOU WANT JET-SET THEN GET SETTO LEAVE BEHIND KANSASTHERES NO PLACE LIKE ROME

ALL STEWARDESSESWAKE UP IN RIOHAVE YOUR COFFEE IN BRAZIL

EVERYONEWHEN REAL LIFE GETS YOU DOWNTAKE A FAR-OUT, ONE-WAYTRIP TO SPLITZVILLE

ALL PILOTSSWEDISH, GREEK OR JAPANESE

ALL STEWARDESSESA STEWARDESS IS TRAINED TO PLEASE

ALLSO IF YOUVE GOT WHAT IT TAKES BELOWWELL THEN FLY THIS BIRD LIKE CUPIDS BOWCAUSE THE JET SET'S JUST A HOLIDAYYEAH THE JET SET GOESUP, UP AND AWAY ... SO FLY!

(Frank Junior joins them, his uniform at last perfect,cap and aviators on. A stunning sight.)

31FRANK JUNIOR

RIGHT DOWN TO IT'LY FOR LA BELLA FEMINAJUMP IN A FOUNTAIN

STEWARDESSESWOO!

ALLFOR A BIG DOSE OF LA DOLCE VITA

FRANK JUNIORIF YOUR TASTES RUN MORE RISQU

TWO STEWARDESSESWELL THEN, WE KNOW A JOINT IN OLD BOMBAY

ALLSO HANG ON TIGHTLETS LOOP DE LOOPITS TIME TO FLYTHIS CHICKEN COOP

SO PACK UP YOUR SUITCASECHECK YOUR WORRIES AT THE GATECOME OUT AND PLAY BOYCRUISE THE WORLD TO FINDYOUR PERFECT PLAYMATE

FRANK JUNIORTHINGS LOOK BETTER FROM ABOVESO BUCKLE UP, NEXT STOP IS LOVE

ALLFROM TIMBUKTU TO TOKYOFROM MOZAMBIQUE TO MEXICOTHE JET SET IS THEONLY WAY TO GO

FRANK JUNIORBABBADA BOP BOOP BAH BADOOBA DOO-OH!

SONG ENDS.

(MUSIC begins again. As the others exit, Frank comes downcenter to take the elevator down. The doors open and offsteps Cheryl Ann getting off the elevator of the St. RegisHotel.

32

Scene 8: The St. Regis Hotel, Manhattan

CHERYL ANNNice uniform.

FRANK JUNIORDont I know you from somewhere?

CHERYL ANNMaybe. I was on the cover of Seventeen ... a few years ago.

FRANK JUNIORSure you're that model! Cheryl Annsomethingin the Plaza. Could I get your autograph?

CHERYL ANNDo you have a pen ... in your room?

FRANK JUNIORI think I do.

(As they head up the stairs, she starts removing herouter garments.)

CHERYL ANNSo. Captain.

FRANK JUNIORCall me Frank.

CHERYL ANNFrank. Are you going to make me an offer?

FRANK JUNIORI'm sorry an offer for what?

CHERYL ANNA man like you can buy anything he wants. What's a night worth? With me?

FRANK JUNIORI gosh, I really don't know, Cheryl. Um. Three hundred?

(She closes her coat and heads back to the elevator.)Five hundred?

(She gets on the elevator)A thousand dollars?

(She stops the elevator doors from closing)

CHERYL ANNOne thousand dollars.

33FRANK JUNIOR

I have to cash a check.

CHERYL ANNYou think this hotel is going to cash a thousand dollar check at three a.m.?

FRANK JUNIOR(pulls one out)

They've done it for me before. It's a cashier's check.

CHERYL ANN(inspecting it)

Endorse it over to me.

FRANK JUNIORIt's for fourteen hundred.

CHERYL ANNYou give me the check ...

(pulling cash from her bust)... and I'll give you four hundred dollars.

FRANK JUNIOREven better.

(MUSIC. She hands him the check and the cash asthey disappear together down the elevator lift)

34Scene 9: A Firing Range, FBI Training Ground, Quantico, VA

(As Frank Junior leaves with Cheryl Ann, Hanrattyand the men enter. Hanratty takes aim and fires. )

BRANTONHanratty, why the hell'd you drag us out to Quantico? This guys a pen and ink man. A paperhanger. He probablydoesnt even carry a gun.

HANRATTYWere getting closer to this guy and you need to bone up on some of the skills youve let slide sitting in thatbasement sipping peppermint schnapps out of your coffee cup.

BRANTONBut we can't fix a location on him. One day he's in Dallas. The next he's in Stuttgart. Rome. Barcelona.

CODHes gone global. The last bad checks came from Liechtenstein. Where the hell is Liechtenstein?

HANRATTYThe principality of Liechtenstein is a landlocked alpine country in Western Europe bordered by Switzerland to thewest and south and Austria to the east. And if our UnSub thinks he can hide there hes sorely mistaken.

BRANTONIts just forgery, Hanratty. Theres no way the Bureaus gonna give us travel money for Liechtenwhatsit.

HANRATTYThis guy's just a forger like Mickey Mantle is just a hitter. He's not playing the game, boys. He's making the rules.No. No. He's a true talent.

CODJesus, Hanratty. You want to arrest him or hire him?

HANRATTYI see him in my sleep. Sixtyish, salt-and-pepper, tall. He's Old School, a virtuoso. He's been honing his craft foryears. Years I tell you. But they always make a mistake. It's the overconfidence. Or the wine. Or the women.

(Bullets WHIZ and DING and they duck for cover.)

BRANTONWhat the hell!

DOLLAR(entering)

You know, if shooting people is anything like target practice, it's very disappointing. I didn't feel a thing.

HANRATTYJudas Priest, Dollar! This job is not about shooting at people. Its not about punching the clock waiting forretirement, or sneaking off for quickies with the secretaries on three. This job is about just one guy. Frank Taylora.k.a. Frank Williams a.k.a. William Franklin. Hes out there somewhere, he is toying with me. He is taunting me.

CODCmon, Hanratty. He doesnt even know you exist.

HANRATTYHe will. Believe it. He will.

35BRANTON

Okay, okay. Stay cool.

HANRATTY

I will not stay cool. I have never been cool and I dont intend to start now.

BRANTONHanratty, were you always like this?

HANRATTYLong as I can remember.

(MUSIC.)

I think I was born this way. Other kids wanted to play cops and robbers. I only wanted to play cops.

(Frank Junior appears ...)

FRANK JUNIORLadies and gentlemen ... Carl Hanratty.

(... and disappears.)

SONG: BREAKING ALL THE RULES

HANRATTYIT STARTS VERY EARLYONCE THE BABY TOYS ARE GONEA KID ON THE PLAYGROUNDHAS TO CHOOSE WHAT SIDE HE'S ON

IT'S THE BULLIES OR THE GOOD GUYSBOY, THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUNDTHOUGH HOODLUMS TRY TO BLUR THE LINEAND TWIST THE TRUTH AROUND

THEN THEY CALL THEMSELVES A WINNERBUT THEY'RE SELF-DECEIVING FOOLS'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNINGIF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES

THE LAW IS LAYED UPON USWHEN AS KIDS WE FIRST ASK "WHY?"OUR PARENTS SET THE RULESWHEN "'CAUSE I SAID SO," THEY REPLY

AND THOUGH I THOUGHT I HATED THEMAND SCREAMED WITH ALL MY MIGHTTHE NEXT TIME THAT I HAD A CHOICEGEE WHIZ! I DID WHAT'S RIGHT

NO, I NEVER SNUCK A DRINKI NEVER STOLE A PACK OF "KOOLS"'CAUSE THE GAME AIN'T WORTH WINNINGIF YOU'RE BREAKING ALL THE RULES

36HANRATTY

OR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WEST

GODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TEST

YOU THUMB YOUR NOSERIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE

BUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE.

IT STARTED BACK WITH MOSESWHEN HE LED AROUND THE JEWS

AND CLIMBED WAY UP THAT MOUNTAINTO PICK UP GODS DAILY NEWS

HE SCHLEPPED UP OLD MT. SINAICRIED AND BEGGED ON THEIR BEHALF

HE ALMOST DROPPED THOSE TABLETSWHEN HE SAW THAT GOLDEN CALF

NOW WE TEACH THE TEN COMMANDMENTSEVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLS

CAUSE THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNING IFYOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULES

I GUESSTHE CONSTITUTION, BOYS,TO SOME IS TOO COMPLEX

THEY THINKOUR FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHTSO THEY COULD FORGE SOME CHECKS

THEY SEE THEMSELVESAS ROBIN HOODSTEALING FROM THE RICH

NOT PAYING BACKTHE THINGS THEY TAKEWELL PAYBACK IS A BITCH

CAUSE THE WORLD AINT SHERWOOD FORESTYOU CANT GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELSAND THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGIF YOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULES

OR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WEST

GODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TEST

MENDONT BREAK THE RULES

DONT BREAK THE RULES

DONT BREAK THE RULES

THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE.

THE JEWS

TELL ME THE NEWS

OH LORD!

WHAT?

EVERY SUNDAY IN OUR SCHOOLS

AND BABY I GUESS

THEY THINK

THEY SEE THEMSELVES

DONTCHA KNOW THEYRENOT PAYING BACK

POW!!!

YOU CANT GIVE AWAY THOSE JEWELS

DONT BREAK THE RULES

DONT BREAK THE RULES

37

YOU THUMB YOUR NOSERIGHT AT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE

BUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE!

WHEN YOU STEAL SOMEBODYS MONEYSCREW HIS DAUGHTER OR HIS WIFE

YOU DONT THINK OF REPERCUSSIONSAS YOU TAP DANCE THROUGH YOUR LIFE

THOUGH YOU SMILE LIKE YOURE A HEROYOURE AN OUTLAW

BUT THE ODDS ARE IN MY FAVOR, MANAND ONE DAY ILL CATCH YOU

SO, GO SNEAKINTO A MOVIERUN A RED LIGHT, SELL SOME POT

ITS ALL THE SAME TO MEYOURE EITHER GUILTY OR YOURE NOT

IF WE ALL DID WHAT WE WANTEDEVERY TIME WE FELT THE URGE

THE WORLD WOULD BEIN TOTAL CHAOSITS ALREADY ON THE VERGE

CAUSE, ITS LAWS THAT KEEP US HUMANCAUSE WITHOUT THEMWERE JUST MULESANDTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGI SAYTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGOH OH OHTHE GAME AINT WORTH WINNINGIF YOURE BREAKING ALL THE RULES

OR ELSE WERE LIVINGIN THE WILD, WILD WEST

GODS KEEPING SCOREAND YOU DONT WANNA FAIL THAT TEST

YOU THUMB YOUR NOSEAT THE LIFE FOR WHICH I STRIVE

THOSE LAWS

THOSE LAWS, BABY

DONT BREAK THE RULES

BUT THOSE RULES, THOSE LAWSKEEP US ALIVE!US ALIVE!OOH-OOH

WOPOOH-OOH

BOP!OOH-OOHYOURE AN OUTLAWTHROUGH AND THROUGH

AND ONE DAY ILL CATCH YOU

SO, GO SNEAK

DOO-WOP, DOO-WOP!

DOO-WOP, DOO-WOP, WOW!

THE WORLD WOULD BEIN TOTAL CHAOS

BOP!

CAUSE WITHOUT THEMWERE JUST MULES

THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNING

THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNING

THE GAME AINT WORTH WINNING

DONT BREAK THE RULES

DONT BREAK THE RULES

DONT BREAK THE RULES

BUT THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS

THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS

THOSE RULES THOSE LAWS

38KEEP US ALIVE! KEEP US ALIVE!

BOP!

SONG ENDS.

HANRATTYAll right, back to work. Crime doesnt take a holiday.

(The FBI Agents scatter.

Frank Junior enters with his suitcase. A lovelySTEWARDESS enters with a clipboard.)

STEWARDESSGood morning, First Officer. Are you my deadhead today?

FRANK JUNIORYes, maam. Been on the same equipment all week, jumpin puddles for the weak and weary.

STEWARDESSFirst class is full, but Ive got the jump seat open. Come on aboard.

FRANK JUNIORThanks!

STEWARDESSBe sure to watch out for that Skywayman.

FRANK JUNIORSkywayman?

(The Stewardess hands him a newspaper, opened andfolded to an article. Frank Jr. scans it.

Branton and Dollar enter opposite.)

BRANTONYoure dangerous, kid. Who the hell taught you to shoot?

DOLLARMy daddy taught me how to turn a mister into a missus at a hundred yards.

BRANTONYeah ... I dont really want to know about that.

(Hanratty enters, and Cod follows him in, with aflyer in hand.)

CODHanratty. I'm gonna regret this, but look at this field bulletin.

(Hanratty grabs and scans it.)

HANRATTY + FRANK JUNIOR(overlapping; not in unison)

The Skywayman. All the airlines are after him ... posing as an airline pilot ... flying all over the world ...

39STEWARDESS

They don't know how he does it.

CODMaybe he forged some credentials?

FRANK JUNIORThe Skywayman.

HANRATTYMaybe he's a master con artist.

FRANK JUNIORLike a superhero.

HANRATTYMaybe ... he drops rubber everywhere he goes.

FRANK JUNIORCrazy world we live in. I'll have to look out for him.

(Frank Junior gives the paper back to the Hotel Clerkand exits. She follows.)

HANRATTYNice work, Cod. All right, boys. We're checking every airport hotel, motel, cafe, and commissary on the Easternseaboard. We just became front page news.

(MUSIC. Hanratty and the boys exit and we go right to theLatin Quarter.)

40

Scene 10: The Latin Quarter, New York City

(A floor show is just finishing, with the girls dressedin pinstripes.)

SONG: THE PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT THEY SEE (REPRISE)

SHOWGIRLSUNDERNEATH IS MY UNIFORMALL IN SILK, FROM PAREEA MAN CAN MAKE PASSESOR USE X RAY GLASSESBUT! PINSTRIPES ARE ALL THAT HELL SEE!

SONG ENDS.

(Frank Senior makes his way through the beautifulgirlswho give him a little love. Frank Junior, inuniform, waits at their table.)

FRANK SENIORThis place ... something else. They have a guy to give towels to the guy who gives you towels.

FRANK JUNIORI heard about it in Paris. I thought it might be just the place to take you when I got back to the States.

FRANK SENIORMy son the birdman. Where're you flying that plane tonight?

FRANK JUNIORWell, I don't really fly. I'm sort of just a copilot.

FRANK SENIORWhere?

FRANK JUNIORLos Angeles.

FRANK SENIORHollywood.

FRANK JUNIORYeah.

FRANK SENIORLook at us, Frankie. On top of the world.

FRANK JUNIORDad. I went by the store today.

FRANK SENIORI had to close the store for a while. It's all a matter of timing, Frank. The goddamn government knows that, they hityou when you're down. I wasn't going to let them take it from me. So I just shut the doors myself. Called their bluff.Sooner or later, they'll forget about me.

41

(Frank Junior slides a thick envelope across thetable.)

FRANK SENIORWhat's this?

FRANK JUNIORLet's open up the store, Dad. Pay off the Feds. Get things back the way they were. I can help out now.

FRANK SENIORKeep it. You got your own worries.

FRANK JUNIORI'm fine. There's plenty more where this came from, believe me.

FRANK SENIORThat's fine, Frankie. Take good care of yourself.

FRANK JUNIORBut maybe if Mom saw

FRANK SENIORDo I look like I need your help?

(A moment.Frank Sr. to bartender.)

Double Bourbon.(Back to Frank Junior.)

Don't worry about your mom and me. She's stubborn, always has been. She's a formidable woman. But I won't lether go without a fight.

FRANK JUNIORIf she saw you had the store back

FRANK SENIORTwo hundred soldiers in that tiny social hall, watching her dance. I didn't speak a word of French. And six weekslater, she was my wife.

FRANK JUNIORShe could be again.

FRANK SENIORI don't know, Frankie.

FRANK JUNIORListen, Dad, everything's different now. I got this great job. I make lots of money. I can have breakfast in Rome,lunch in Miami, and dinner in San Francisco. I can snap my fingers ...

(He raises his hand, snaps his fingers twice. MUSIC.)

and strike up an orchestra.

FRANK SENIORAnd here I thought you were just a copilot.

FRANK JUNIORI can be anything you need me to be. Because I learned from the best.

42SONG: BUTTER OUTTA CREAM

FRANK JUNIORREMEMBER THAT STORY I LEARNED AT YOUR FEETWELL NOW ITS MY TURN, TAKE A SEAT

TWO LITTLE MICE OF GREAT RENOWNFELL IN SOME MILK AND ONE PROCEEDED TO DROWNTHE OTHER ONES STILL THE TOAST OF THE TOWNCAUSE HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM

HE LOOKED AROUND, DEDUCED HIS PLIGHTSAID THIS IS NO WAY TO SPEND A SATURDAY NIGHT!BUT HE HAD THE STYLE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHTSO HE MADE BUTTER OUTTA CREAM

HE KICKED HIS LEGS UPHE TOSSED AND TURNEDSO NOT TO END UP A GHOSTHE DID THE HOKEY-POKEYTILL THE CREAM WAS CHURNEDTHEN BABY, HE WALKED RIGHT OUTAND BUTTERED HIS TOAST

NOW HES ON TOP FOR GOODNESS SAKESYEAH, HES THE BIG CHEESE UP AT LAND O LAKESHES LIVING PROOF THAT POP ALL IT TAKESIS A SCHEMESO IF YOU LAND IN THE GUTTERJUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM

FRANK JUNIORYour turn, Dad.

FRANK SENIORNahyoure doing great.

FRANK JUNIORThis is a duet. Its Frank and Dean. Its not a solo act.

FRANK SENIORWell, you know ... there is one you havent told you.

FRANK JUNIORReally?

FRANK SENIOR.THERE WAS A COCKROACH IN BRAZILGOT DRUNK AT THE LOCAL COFFEE MILLHE THOUGHT HIS TIME WAS UP UNTILHE MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS

WHEN HE CAME TO HE HEARD SUCH A SOUNDMUCH TO HIS SHOCK WHEN HE LOOKED AROUNDHE HAD BEEN SCOOPED AND WAS ABOUT TO BE GROUNDSO, HE MADE COFFEE OUT OF BEANS

43FRANK SENIOR (CONTD)

HE MARCHED TO THE SOUTHAND HE STOMPED TO THE NORTHHE HAD TO RACE AGAINST FATEHE DID THE CUCARACHA WHILE THOSE TEARS POURED FORTHTHEN SEOR, THINGS BEGAN TO PERCOLATE

HE HELD HIS BREATH AND SWAM TO THE TOPHE BORROWED BEANS FROM HIS MOM AND POPAND OPENED UP HIS OWN COFFEE SHOPOUT IN QUEENS!WHEN HIS LIGHTS WERE ALMOST OFFHE JUST MADE COFFEE OUTTA BEANS

FRANK JUNIORLets bring this one home, Dad!

FRANK SENIORAll right, Son!

BOTHSO THINK OF THOSE TWO WHEN LIFES THE PITS

FRANK SENIORTHE BUG

FRANK JUNIORAND THE MOUSE

BOTHAT THE END OF THEIR WITSTHEY KNEW THE KEY TO LIFEIS THAT ITS WHA CHA DREAMSO IF LEMONS CLOG YOUR SINK UPDONT JUST STAND AROUND AND SCREAMSPIKE SOME LEMONADE AND DRINK UPAND MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM

FRANK SENIORJUST MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM

FRANK JUNIORMAKE SOME BUTTER OUT OF CREAM

FRANK SENIORI HEAR WHAT YOURE SAYING, SONILL MAKE BUTTER OUT OF CREAM!

SONG ENDS

44

Scene 11: Idlewild Airport Motel, Room 135

(Hanratty, Cod, and Dollar inspect a much-usedmotel room: comic books, junk-food containers,crumpled papers. Branton appears at the door.)

BRANTONHanaratty! The manager says he just checked out three hours ago. Was here for almost a week. No forwarding.

CODLooks like he left in a hurry.

HANRATTYOkay fellows. Impress me.

(They begin to pore over the room, opening drawers,lifting cushions, inspecting furniture.)

Mister Taylor, real name unknown, left us a goldmine.

DOLLAR(holds up a comic book)

The Flash. He likes comic books.

COD(holds up a pizza box and a jar of peanut butter)

He lives on junk food.

BRANTON(holds up a Playboy)

He has a breast fetish.

CODOh my god! It's Hanratty!

HANRATTYThat's funny, Cod. That's very funny. I'll make a note to laugh later, when you're dead. Come on, people. What's hisnext move? What goes on in the mind of an obsessive loner?

BRANTONWhy don't you tell us?

(Hanratty glares at Branton, then picks up thewastebasket, and dumps the contents on the floor.)

HANRATTYA man's secrets are in his trash.

(The other agents look at the trash, then at Hanratty.)

BRANTONI'll take your word for it.

HANRATTY(sighs)

Branton, Cod, go canvas the other guests. Dollar, get license plate numbers on every car in the lot. I'll process theroom.

45COD

(as the men leave)Right. Say, Hanratty. You ever look at your own garbage?

(The other agents go.)

HANRATTYNo, no, no. Something doesn't jive here. The Flash? Peanut butter? Maybe he's got a kid?

(Hanratty goes to work, picking through thegarbage.)

All right, Mister Taylor. I know you're in here somewhere.

SONG: THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES

HANRATTYA COMIC BOOKA MISS JULYA MATCHBOOK FROM "THE FLAME"SOME CHEWING GUMA MISMATCHED PAIR OF SHOES

A LETTER HOMETHAT WASNT MAILEDA CHECK WITHOUT A NAMEYEAH, THEY'LL BE MY GUIDETO THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES

(Lights on Frank Junior, in another hotel room, onthe phone. A RING.

Elsewhere, Jack Barnes and Paula, in night clothes.Paula on the phone.)

PAULAHello? Hello? Frankie is that you?

JACK BARNESIs it him again?

PAULAFrankie?

JACK BARNESPaula, give me the phone.

PAULAFrankie, are you there?

(Frank Junior abruptly hangs up. Paula looks at Jackand shakes her head. Lights fade on all three.)

HANRATTYA BOBBY PINTWO BASEBALL CARDSSOME DAY-OLD CHINESE FOODTWO TICKET STUBSTHE RED SOX ALWAYS LOSE

46A VALENTINETHAT WASNT SENTA SCENT TO SET THE MOODWHEN I TAKE A RIDEWITH THE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES

(Lights on Frank Junior, in yet another hotel room.)

FRANK JUNIORHi Miss Room Service, I'd like to place an order. I know it's lateI just flew in from Ireland. Have you been there?It's so beautifuloh, yeah, sure. I'll hold.

(Lights fade on him.)

HANRATTYDO NOT DISTURB IS ON THE DOORTHE MAID, SHE NEVER COMESHE LOCKED THE DOORBUT I DON'T NEED A KEY

THERE'S ONLY GARBAGE ON THE FLOORTO OTHERS, THEY'RE JUST CRUMBSTHOSE CRUMBS LOOK LIKEA FIVE-COURSE MEAL TO ME

(The other agents return.)

BRANTONAnything?

HANRATTY(hands him a crumpled sheet of paper)

Pan Am stationery.(reads)

"As a Pan Am pilot, my family flies for free. The two of you should come out to Los Angeles with me.Maybe then --"

(looks up)Unfinished.

BRANTONThe two of who?

HANRATTYWho knows? But we know he's going to Los Angeles. And so are we.

DOLLARFantastic.

COD(as he and Branton turn to go)

Now that's the best idea he's had yet.

BRANTONHe could use the sun. If he were any more pale, he'd be transparent.

(The men exit. Hanratty moves to follow, but stops,and returns to the room.)

47HANRATTY

I'VE LOOKED INTO SO MANY LIVESBUT NEVER AT MY OWNTHE TRAIL I LEFT IS SUCH A DAMN CLICH

THE LONELY WIFE, THE HOUSE FOR SALEA MILLION NIGHTS ALONETO WISH YOU HAD THE THINGS YOU THREW AWAY ...

LIKE A FRONT DOOR KEYA HOME COOKED MEALTHE HAPPY BRIDE AND GROOMTHEN LIFE KICKS IN AND MAKES YOU PAY YOUR DUES

AND THEN YOU FINDYOU'RE BY YOURSELFIN A SINGLE MOTEL ROOMTHAT'S BEEN OCCUPIED ...BY THE MAN INSIDETHE CLUESTHE MAN INSIDE THE CLUES.

SONG ENDS.

48

Scene 12: A Motel (Patio and Room) in Los Angeles.

Hanratty and men enter the patio with the MOTELMANAGER. We see Frank, Junior laying on his bedin his room, listening to the radio.

RADIO ANNOUNCEMENTKRLA Its currently a summer sixty five degrees here in Los Angeles

MOTEL MANAGERHe wrote three checks. They all cleared. I was gonna deposit this one today. I dont want any trouble.

HANRATTYThere wont be any trouble. Ill just take this check and be on my way.

MOTEL MANAGERGood. I dont want my customers harassed.

HANRATTYYou mean hes still here?

MOTEL MANAGER(hesitates)

Two-oh-one.

HANRATTYI take the lead. You guys back me up. Dollar takes the exit.

(Hanratty draws his gun. Dollar eagerly follows suit.)

Put it away.

(Dollar complies, glumly.)

If youre good little boys, Ill buy you all a Good Humor bar.

MOTEL MANAGERYou said there wouldnt be any trouble.

HANRATTYRelax, mister, youll get one, too.

(Hanratty proceeds, cautiously, gun drawn, to room201. The rest exit, in other directions.)

Hanratty bursts in through the door ...)

HANRATTYF.B.I.!

(... but the room is empty. Hanratty slowly moves in,looking over a bureau and table filled with theimplements of forgery.

From the bathroom, a FLUSH. Hanratty points hisgun.)

HANRATTYF.B.I.! Come out with your hands on your head.

49

(Frank Junior calmly emerges from the bathroom.Nods at Hanratty. He's in a different, black suit.)

FRANK JUNIORGuy's got a MICR encoder, can you believe that?

HANRATTYDont move. Put your hands on your head or Ill shoot.

(Frank Junior ignores the gun pointed at him and walks to the desk.)

FRANK JUNIORHes got about two hundred checks herea gallon of India ink, drafting gluehe even makes little payrollenvelopes addressed to himself from Pan Am.

HANRATTYKeep your hands where I can see them.

FRANK JUNIORRelax, buddy, youre late. The name's Allen, Barry Allen, United States Secret Service. Your man just tried to climbout the windowmy partner has him in custody downstairs.

HANRATTYWhat are you talking about? Keep your hands on your head.

FRANK JUNIORYou think the F.B.I. are the only ones tracking this guy? Hes been dabbling in government checks. Weve beenfollowing a paper trail for months. We almost had him in New York, then in a motel outside D.C. near Dullesairport. Would you mind taking that gun out of my face? It makes me nervous.

HANRATTYLet me see some identification.

FRANK JUNIORHere, take my whole wallet.

(tosses him wallet)You want my gun, too?

HANRATTYNo, no. I wasnt expecting Secret Service on this.

FRANK JUNIORDont worry about it. Whats your name, anyway?

HANRATTYHanratty. Carl Hanratty.

FRANK JUNIORYou mind if I see some ID, Carl?

HANRATTYSure.

FRANK JUNIORSCant be too careful these days.

50

HANRATTYSure, sorry. Im just a little

(Hanratty indicates nerves with his hands.)

Here. Right here. (Hanratty hands Frank Junior his business card)

FRANK JUNIORTough luck, Carl. Five minutes earlier and you would have landed yourself a pretty good collar.

HANRATTYThats okay, ten seconds later you would have been shot.

(They laugh, then stop laughing. Frank Junior goes toa pitcher of water and pours himself a drink andonly we can see he's trembling.)

Hey, let me ask you something. What does he look like?

FRANK JUNIORHe's a handsome son of a bitch.

HANRATTYYeah? I had him figured for an older guy.

FRANK JUNIORHe is pretty damn old. He must be your age at least.

HANRATTYOkay. I asked for that one!

FRANK JUNIORJust do me a favor. Sit tight a minute while I get some of this evidence downstairs. I dont want anyway walkingthrough my crime scene.

HANRATTYSure.

(Frank Junior picks up the MICR machine and heads for the door.)

FRANK JUNIORYou know, some maid comes in here and starts making the bed. I hate when that happens.

HANRATTYWait.

FRANK JUNIOR(freezes, turns)

What?

HANRATTYYour wallet.

FRANK JUNIORHang on to it till I come back for the rest of the stuff. I trust you.

HANRATTYYou shouldnt. That was a joke.

51FRANK JUNIOR

You got me, Carl.(Frank Junior smiles at him and goes.)

HANRATTYNice guy.

(unable to contain himself)We got him!

(He does a little victory dance.)

I love my job. I love it, I love it, I love it.

(He stops. Thinks a minute. Opens the wallet.Fingers through the ID cards within.)

Frank Taylor. Frank Black. Frank Williams. Frank Fuck!

(The other three agents rush into the room.)

CODWhere is he?

HANRATTYI had him. He was right there!

BRANTONWhat are you talking about?

HANRATTYI let him convince me he was someone else. Barry Allen from the Secret Service.

DOLLARBarry Allen? The Flash?

HANRATTYWhat?

DOLLARBarry Allen is the alter ego of the Flash.

HANRATTYOh, Jesus Christ.

DOLLARWe all make mistakes, sir, it happens to the best of us.

HANRATTYNot to me. Not to me.

(Lights. Frank Junior in a spot. To us.)

FRANK JUNIORThat was close, wasn't it? Misdirection. Maintain eye contact. Keep talking.

(He shrugs.)

Mister Hanratty and his men caught the next plane back to DC. And I ... I caught the one after that. I don't knowwhy. I guess I always wanted to see our nation's capital at Christmas. The best time of the year.

52Scene 13: A Hotel Room and the FBI Building, both Washington, DC

SONG: CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR (PARTY VERSION)

(The Stewardesses and Pilots party as Frank Juniorlooks on.)

PARTYGOERSANGELS SING, THE SOUNDS SUBLIMELISTEN TO THOSE CHURCH BELLS CHIMECHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

(A few of the Stewardesses approach Frank Junior.)

LINDYWhats the matter, honey?

CINDYYou look pooped!

MINDYYou need a good long layover.

FRANK JUNIORI'm just going to get some air.

(Frank Junior struggles to extricate himself and getoffstage to get his letter jacket on.)

(The Stewardesses and Pilots dance off as weTRANISTION TO Hanratty's office. He's poringover documents with a loupe. Branton enters.)

BRANTONHanratty, come on. It's Christmas Eve. You're not going to redeem yourself with the boys upstairs by having amiserable holiday.

HANRATTYYou're wrong.

(checks his watch without looking up)It's not Christmas Eve. It's Christmas.

BRANTONYou want me to stay?

HANRATTYNo. You've got kids. Go home.

BRANTONMerry Christmas, Hanratty

(He goes. Hanratty's phone RINGS. He picks up.)

HANRATTYThis is Hanratty. Merry Christmas.

(Lights on Frank Junior at a pay phone.)

53FRANK JUNIOR

Hello, Carl.

HANRATTYWho is this?

FRANK JUNIORIve been trying to track you down. Merry Christmas.

HANRATTYBarry Allen, Secret Service! What do you want?

FRANK JUNIORI want to apologize for what happened out in Los Angeles.

HANRATTYYeah? Screw you.

FRANK JUNIORCarl, Im sorry if I made a fool out of you.

HANRATTYGoddamn it, you don't feel sorry for me. The fact is, I knew it was you. I did. Maybe I didnt pull the trigger but Iknew.

FRANK JUNIORPeople only know what you tell them.

HANRATTYThen tell me something: how did you know I wouldnt look in your wallet?

FRANK JUNIORI didnt.

HANRATTYYoure gonna get caught, you know that, dont you? One way or another. Just like Vegasthe house always wins.

FRANK JUNIORI didnt think Id get you in. Its Christmas. I thought maybe you had a family?

HANRATTYNo. No family.

FRANK JUNIORMe either.

SONG: MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

HANRATTYYEAH, DONTCHA LOVE THE YULETIDE FUNTHERES JOY AND CHEER FOR EVERYONEI WAIT FOR SANTA WITH A GUNYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

FRANK JUNIORSOME SUGAR PLUMS I HAVENT KISSEDBUT MISTLETOE I MUST RESISTCAUSE IM ON ST. CARLS MOST WANTED LIST

54BOTH

YES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

(Lights on Frank Senior and Paula, separately.)

HANRATTY, FRANK JR, FRANK SR, PAULAAND THERES A HOMEWHERE YOU CANT GOAND THERES A LIFE THATS FULL OF LOVEYOU USED TO KNOW

HANRATTYFOR ME ITS TRUE

FRANK SENIORBUT KID, NOT YOU

PAULACAUSE YOUR FAMILYS HERE

FRANK SENIOR & PAULAYEAH, THEYRE STILL YOURS TO HOLDIF YOU

FRANK SENIOR & PAULA & HANRATTYCOME IN FROM THE COLD

(Lights fade on Frank Senior and Paula.)

HANRATTYSO, IF TOMORROW SANTAS FLOWNTHE TREE IS DOWN AND YOURE ALONEI'M ALWAYS HERE, RIGHT BY THE PHONE

FRANK JUNIOR & HANRATTYYES CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

HANRATTYWait a minute. Wait a minute. You didnt call me to apologize, did you?

FRANK JUNIORWhat do you mean?

HANRATTYYouve got no one else to talk to.

FRANK JUNIOR(half beat)

I have to go.

HANRATTYFrank! Wait!

(Frank Junior almost hangs up the phone. But stops.While Hanratty waits on the other end of the phone,Frank Junior covers the mouthpiece and turns to us.)

55FRANK JUNIOR

Mister Hanratty was right. It was a lonely life. But I was about to meet someone, and she was gonna changeeverything. Everything.

(Lights on Brenda. She stops and looks in ourdirection, dreaming.)

But right now ... Tonight ...

HANRATTYFrank?

(Brenda fades. Frank Junior turns back to the phone.)

FRANK JUNIORI'm still here.

HANRATTYSooner or later you'll get tired of running.

FRANK JUNIORSooner or later you'll get tired of chasing me.

HANRATTYNo I won't.

FRANK JUNIORLook out the window.

HANRATTYWhy?

FRANK JUNIORJust do it.

(He sings.)ILL CALL YOU SOON, BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN

HANRATTYAND, FRANK, I HOPE WELL MEET AGAINLIKE WHEN YOURE SERVING EIGHT TO TEN

BOTHYES, CHRISTMAS IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

(Hanratty sees Frank Junior in the pay phone booth.Frank Junior jumps off the stage and disappears upthe aisle of the theatre.)

HANRATTY(to himself)

Hes a kid.(to us)

Hes a kid.SONG ENDS.

END OF ACT ONE

56ACT TWO

Scene 1: The FBI Building, Washington, DC

(As the Entre' Acte ends, we see Hanratty and histhree men, huddled in a hallway.)

HANRATTYLook, it's simple. We know he's a kid. We find out who's responsible for the kid. So we check out every runawayteen and missing student in the tri-state area over the past three years.

I pulled a list from the mainframe.(He pulls out a sheet of paper, which just keepscoming.)

We just go to each address and ask to see a family photo.

DOLLAR (voice over)How long will that take?

HANRATTYAs long as it takes. Let's go, men.

(Hanratty exits, the long list trailing behind him. Themen follow. The last agent stays behind, whippingoff his fedora and RayBans to reveal ...

... Frank Junior. He waves.)

FRANK JUNIORGood luck with that!Poor Agent Hanratty. I think that's gonna take a while.

My career as a pilot was pretty much done, and I'd wrung out every bank in the Northeast, so it was time for me tolay low for a while, live off my savings. I moved to the Riverbend Apartments in Atlanta, Georgia, a real nicecomplex, full of professionals, the perfect place to keep things quiet.

(PARTY DOCTORS and NURSES enter at astumbling run, drinks in hand.)

ALL PARTY DOCTORS + NURSESWoo-hoo!

FRANK JUNIOROf course, a few years later, Riverbend would be written up in Playboy as the address for swinging singles. But forright now, I just had to keep a low profile. No more cons, no more high living, no more lies.

(The PARTY DOCTOR approaches Frank Junior as we CONTINUE TO:)

57

Scene 2: The Riverbend Apartments and Atlanta General Hospital, Atlanta

(The PARTY DOCTOR throws an arm around him.)

PARTY DOCTORSo, Frank, what brings you to the Riverbend complex? I thought it was just us doctors and nurses here.

FRANK JUNIOR(works the problem)

Oh. Well. You know. I'm a doctor.

(Frank Junior shoots us a despairing look. Why do Ido this every time?)

PARTY DOCTORWhat do you do, surgery? Orthopedics?

FRANK JUNIORPediatrics?

PARTY DOCTORSnot-nosed little kids? You can have 'em. Listen, I'll find out if there's anything open down at Atlanta General. Begreat to have you there!

(He goes.)

FRANK JUNIOROh, no, thank you, I ...

(Frank Junior turns to us.)

What am I doing? I can't be a doctor. Why do I do this every time?

(MUSIC.

The NURSES rise into view, sexy legs first. FrankJunior looks at them ... )

Oh yeah.(... then back to us.)

Ladies and gentlemennurses.

(The NURSES seduce Frank Junior into the medicalprofessiondressing him as a doctor in the process.)

SONG: DOCTOR'S ORDERS

NURSEHEY DOCTOR, ARE YOU ON CALL?I'M NOT FEELING SO WELL AT ALLI KEPT THINKING ABOUT YAAS I COULD NOT SLEEP A WINK LAST NIGHT

NURSEI TOSSED AND TURNED THE WHOLE NIGHT LONGKEPT FEELING LIKE SOMETHING'S WRONGI NEED A CHECKUPTO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT

58ALL NURSES

SO I ...

NURSEMADE THIS APPOINTMENT

NURSEAND I CLEARED YOUR AFTERNOON

ALL NURSESYES, I ...

NURSENEED ME A LITTLE "T.L.C."

THREE NURSESAND I GOTTA GET SOME SOON ...

ALL NURSESLET ME TELL YA THAT

NURSEMAYBE I NEVER LISTENED GOODI NEVER DID THE THINGS I SHOULDBUT I'M READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS!

NURSEBABY, I NEVER FELT SO BADI NEED SOMETHING I NEVER HADAND I'M READY ...TO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS!

ALL NURSESOOH OOH ...

(The Nurses leave him, the last one handing him aremote.)

FRANK JUNIORHow am I going to get through this? Medicine? But, now that I think of it, Ben Casey always made it look easy ontelevision.

(He snaps his fingers and a Ben Casey episodeappears.

Frank Junior watches as Ben Casey makes adiagnosis, standing over a patient with anotherdoctor.)

BEN CASEYI think what we have here is advanced third-degree encephelomarginalia. Do you concur, doctor?

OTHER DOCTORYes, I concur. What do you recommend, Doctor Casey?

BEN CASEYLet's not jump to any conclusions. We'll run every test we can. We'll find out what's ailing you, son.

59FRANK JUNIOR

(clicks it off, speaks to us)Thats gonna come in handy. I could pick up a few books at the Emory bookstore. But there's the little matter of amed school degree

(He's joined by DOCTOR WANAMAKER. Slightlydoddering, he's the head of Atlanta General. He'sinspecting a parchment document.)

DOCTOR WANAMAKERHarvard University! Very impressive, Doctor Connors. And you actually brought in your diploma.

FRANK JUNIOR(to us)

Act Two is brought to you by parchment paper, calligraphy, and press-on-letters.

DOCTOR WANAMAKERAnd we also have your recommendation from Death Valley Children's Hospital. Doctor ... Hanratty?

FRANK JUNIORHes my mentor.

DOCTOR WANAMAKERYou're just the perfect candidate.

FRANK JUNIORI should mention, the sight of blood makes me vomit.

(Wanamaker laughs. Frank Junior laughs. FrankJunior stops laughing and gives us a panicked look.)

No, seriously.

DOCTOR WANAMAKERAt the moment, the only thing open is overnight ER supervisor. Beneath a doctor of yourqualifications, and you'd primarily be supervising residents and interns, so you wouldn't get muchreal patient contact

FRANK JUNIORI'll take it.

DOCTOR WANAMAKERAll right then. Welcome aboard.

(He goes, and the nurses come back.)

NURSE NURSESMAYBE I NEED YOUR REMEDY OOH OOH ...DOC, IT'S AN EMERGENCYAND I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERS

NURSE NURSESBABY I NEED THE ANTIDOTE OOH OOH ...YOU'RE HIDING UNDER THATWHITE LAB COATYES I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERS

60(BRENDA pushes her way through the passel ofsexy nurses)

BRENDADoctor Conners! Doctor Conners!

(Frank Junior turns and sees her and

FRANK JUNIORAnd there she wasin the middle of all those glamazons ... she was real. The minute I saw her, I knew. she was theone. And it didnt hurt that she was the best nurse there. I needed the help.

(Two interns enter, pushing a gurney. Brenda lifts thebloody sheet.)

BRENDADoctor Conners! MVA, car versus bike. Should we set it or get a surgical consult?

FRANK JUNIOR(Caseyesqueshowing off for her)

Let's not jump to any conclusions, Nurse Strong. We'll run every test we can.

BRENDA(leading him to water)

Okay, Doctor Conners, but

INTERN(interrupting, lifts sheet)

Hes got a bone sticking out of his leg.

FRANK JUNIOR(struggling not to lose it)

Yes ... Doctor ... I, uh ... I ... concur! I concur! Just go! Go!

BRENDAYou heard him! Go! Go!

(She ushers them out as Frank Junior recovers, andpursues her.)

FRANK JUNIORWait! Nurse! Not you!

(He tries to follow, but the Sexy Nurses return toblock his way.)

NURSESOOH-OOH-OOHOOH-OOH-OOHAH-AH

61NURSE NURSES AND DOCTORS

I KNOW WHAT THEY SAY AHH ...ABOUT AN APPLE A DAYTO BE THE STRONGEST GAL IN TOWN OOH ...BUT IF AN APPLE A DAYKEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY OOH ...I'M GONNA BURN THAT I'M GONNA BURNORCHARD DOWN! THAT ORCHARD DOWN

NURSEBABY DON'T STOP UNTIL I'M HEALED OOH OOH ...I'VE GOT BLUE CROSSAND I'VE GOT BLUE SHIELDAND I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS DOCTOR'S ORDERS

NURSEBABY, TAKE OUT THAT STETHOSCOPEYOU MAY BE MY ONLY HOPESO I'M READY READYTO TAKE DOCTOR'S ORDERS

ALL NURSES ALL MENTALKING BOUT WHAM-BAM

HOTDAMN DAMN

NURSE NURSESOXYGEN PLEASE,CAN'T CATCH MY BREATH OOH OOH ...DOCTOR YOU GOT THE KISS OF DEATH

NURSES ENSEMBLEAND I'M READYREADYREADY

READYCOME ON, LET'S ROCK STEADY COME ON, LET'S ROCK STEADY

ALL'CAUSE I'M READY ...FOR DOCTOR'S ORDERS!WOO! SONG ENDS.

(The doctors and nurses exit. Frank Junior grabssome shut-eye on a gurney. Brenda enters.)

BRENDADoctor Conners? Doctor Conners?

FRANK JUNIOR(wakes with a start)

Oh, I was ... uh ... I havent been getting much sleep at the apartment these days.

62BRENDA

Doctor Conners, do you know which patient gets the O-Negative?(She holds up a blood bag, dark red in translucentplastic. Frank Junior takes one look and turns andclutches his stomach, groaning.)

Doctor?

(A nurse strides through.)

NURSEO-negative! O-negative! Whos got the O-negative?

(Brenda holds it up and the nurse grabs it.)

BRENDAAre you okay?

FRANK JUNIORSorry ... just some bad tuna...at the cafeteria.

BRENDAIs there anything I can do?

FRANK JUNIORYou could have coffee with me.

BRENDABut their coffees worse than the tuna. Oh! You mean have a cup of coffee in a social way.

FRANK JUNIORI guess I do. I've tried to start a conversation with you four times a day for eleven days and youve barely even saidhello. Is it me?

BRENDAIm so sorry, Doctor Conners. Hello.

FRANK JUNIORHello.

BRENDA(half beat)

Goodbye.

(She moves to go.)

FRANK JUNIORNurse Strong!

BRENDAIm sorry, sir. They don't like us to fraternize with the doctors.

FRANK JUNIORPretend I'm not a doctor. Pretend Im a pilot. Or an astronaut.

63BRENDA

Oh, I dont think I could see you as a pilot. A playboy maybe.

FRANK JUNIORIm not really in to all that Riverbend madness. Its just ... sort of a part I play.

BRENDASo youre not really a skirt-chasing party animal, you just want people to think you are?

FRANK JUNIORWell, yeah. I mean, no. I meanwait.

BRENDAGood day, Doctor Conners.

FRANK JUNIORYoure very serious.

BRENDAIm just trying to do a good job, sir. Im the youngest nurse here.

FRANK JUNIORIm the youngest doctor here. And youre the best nurse we have.

BRENDAOh, no, no one ever listens to me. Theyre all so confident and sure of themselves and ... tall.

FRANK JUNIORIf you want them to listen, you just have to sound like you know what you're talking about. Act like you haveconfidence, and pretty soon you will. Act like you're not afraid, and you won't be. Okay?

BRENDA(smiles)

Okay.

FRANK JUNIORHeythere's a smile.

(Two Interns enter at a run, with a gurney.)

INTERNDoctor Conners, we've got a kitchen accident. Meat slicer. And they can't exactly find thehand ...

(Frank Junior takes one look and starts to lose it.Brenda steps up.)

BRENDATrauma One. I'll call surgery. Go!

(The Interns hurry off.)

FRANK JUNIORSee? Look at you.

BRENDAThank you. Doctor Conners.

64FRANK JUNIOR

Call me Frank.

BRENDAOkay. Frank.

(a moment, then she remembers:)Oh! Surgery!

(She hurries off. Frank Junior watches her go.

MUSIC. He sings.)

SONG: LIVE IN LIVING COLOR (REPRISE)

FRANK JUNIORLIVE IN LIVING COLORNOW THE PICTURE SEEMS SO CLEARSHE'S ALIVE IN LIVING COLORSO EXCUSE ME WHILE I DISAPPEAR ...

(Hanratty appears opposite, watching him.)

HANRATTYSooner or later, they always make a mistake.

FRANK JUNIORBrenda wasn't a mistake.

HANRATTYSooner or later

FRANK JUNIOR(abruptly turns to us)

Meanwhile, it's taking Agent Hanratty a really really long time to visit the house of every single runaway[in NewYork, New Jersey, and Connecticut.]

HANRATTY(also to us)

Actually, we cracked it pretty quickly

FRANK JUNIORMister Hanratty. It's my show.

HANRATTYI interviewed your parents. You weren't there. You were busy with Brenda. Maybe this part is my show.

FRANK JUNIORAll right. Fine.

HANRATTYSort of a ... film noir ... type of thing. Phillip Marlowe.

FRANK JUNIORSure.

(Frank Junior gestures: Have at it. And waits.Hanratty turns to us.)

65HANRATTY

It was hot, even for August. So hot my ass was sticking to the seat of my car like a fly on paper and my suit was myown personal sauna.

But not as hot as the woman I was about to interview. She gave new meaning to the words femme fatale. Too badshe was some poor kids mother.

(MUSIC.

Paula enters, a few years older, with three handsomeDANCING BOYS. Hanratty will become the fourth.)

FRANK JUNIORLadies and Gentlemen, Paula Abagnale and the Abagnale Dancers perform "Dancing Around the Subject".

66

Scene 3: The Barnes House and A Bar, New Rochelle

PAULAI havent seen Frankie, since he ran away.

I ALWAYS KNEW ID SEE THIS DAYI CANT SAY ITS A SHOCKWHATS THAT EXPRESSION? QUEST-CE QUE CEST?HES A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCKBUT IF YOU SEE HIMPLEASE PASS ON THIS PLEADONT BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR ME

HANRATTYIf I could just look at a photo ...

PAULAI don't have a recent one. Here ... his junior class yearbook ...

(One of the Handsome Dancing Men hands her theyearbook. She opens the book up, and Hanratty grabsit.)

HANRATTYThat's him. Heavens to Betsy, that's him.

(reads from yearbook)Class Treasurer?

PAULAIs Frankie in some sort of trouble?

HANRATTYMa'am, your son's in a great deal of trouble. He has been passing bad checks, forging government documents

PAULAWell? So? Half of the kids his age are on dope but instead you chase after Frankie because he made a littlemistake? Tant pis. Tell me how much he owes, I'll write you a check

HANRATTYSo far it's one-point-four million dollars.

PAULACe n'est pas possible.

HANRATTYOh, it's possible. Unlikely, but possible.

PAULAIt sounds like Frankies good at this.

HANRATTYYes. If you wanted to raise a crook, you should be very proud.

67PAULA

MY FRANKIE HAD A CLEVER MINDHE COULD SPEND HOURS ALL ALONEI WOULDNT HAVE BEEN SURPRISED TO FINDHE CHANGED HIS DIAPER ON HIS OWNCOULD I HAVE BEEN THERE MORE?WELL, CEST LA VIEDONT BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR ME

HANRATTYYou haven't heard from him since you left your husband?

PAULAI'm to blame. Is that what you're saying?

HANRATTYI don't do blame, ma'am. I just catch the bad guys.

PAULATHOUGH I TRIED, I COULDN'T HIDEWHEN LOVE HAD FLOWN AWAYCHILDREN CLOSE THEIR EYESBUT STILL THEY SEEI TOOK A CHANCE, A NEW ROMANCEIS IT A CRIME TO SAYI MADE A CHOICEAND CHOSE WHAT'S BEST FOR ME

HANRATTYWhere might I locate your son?

PAULAAsk his father. He says Frankie writes to him.

HANRATTYAnd would I find his father?

PAULACheck the bars in town.

HANRATTYOkay then.

(Split scene:

The Barnes living room splits the stage with a divebar, Frank Senior on a barstool.

Paula continues to dance with the THREEATTRACTIVE MEN in the background.)

FRANK SENIORI GUESS TO YOU I SEEM A SCHMUCKWELL, I'LL JUST BIDE MY TIME

PAULAIN LOVE, ALL'S FAIR

68FRANK SENIOR

'CAUSE I BELIEVE THAT LADY LUCKCAN STILL TURN ON A DIME

PAULACOMME A LA GUERRE

FRANK SENIORAND MAYBE ONEWILL ONCE AGAIN BE THREE

PAULAC'EST C'QUE J'AI TOUJOURS DIT

FRANK SENIORDON'T BE A STRANGERTELL THEM THAT FOR ME

PAULADON'T BE A STRANGERTELL HIM THAT FOR ME

BOTH(NO) DON'T BE A STRANGERTELL HIM (THEM) THAT FOR ME.

SONG ENDS.

HANRATTYDo you have any idea where your child is?

FRANK SENIORHe's always in the air. He's a pilot for Pan Am! What a life!

HANRATTYYour son isnt a pilot with anyone, Mister Abagnale. He never was. Your son is a counterfeiter and a con man.

FRANK SENIORI knew that. I just wanted to see what you knew.

(looks Hanratty over)You expect a father to give up his son.

HANRATTYYes, I do. I expect a father to do that. Now listen to me, Mister Abagnale. People get shot in my line of work. Realguns. Real bullets. Id like to bring him in alive.

FRANK SENIOROkay. Here's the truth.

(waves an envelope)Got a letter from him just today. He signed up. He's over in Nam, serv