carol cheng coward
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Coward
By Carol Cheng
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About the Author
I am a weirdest girl on this planet. I love to fancy a lot
of things that would definitely not happen in my life.
After you read this story, I guarantee you would know
me so well! Well, let me introduce my story a bit.
Actually, Cloud is a reflection of me. The reason why
I wrote this novel is because my brain is full of Neil
Codling when I was about to compose! In the story
Cloud is afraid of love, so am I in reality! All I want is
to have fun in life and avoid being loved or loving
someone else. Anyway, enjoy the story which is
extremely entertaining and I promise you’re going to
laugh so hard!
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Contents
About the Author-------------------2
Prolog-------------------------------------5
Chapter 1-----------------------------------6
Chapter2------------------------------------11
Chapter3----------------------------------16
Chapter4------------------------------------23
Chapter5----------------------------------26
Epilog--------------------------------------34
Words checked: 3028
Words in Oxford 3000™: 94%
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Coward
By Carol Cheng
E4B 1097300066
2012.06.10
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Prolog
Being a single-mother isn't easy for me; however, I
am glad I have my little baby, Timmy. I fancy his
father even though he probably will never know that I
am madly into him.
Who am I? I'm a big fan of him, nothing special.
Then who is Timmy's father? He is a keyboardist for
the band ‘Suede’. I do not regret the one-night stand
with him although I don’t remember the details of the
night, but it is how I got my baby Timmy.
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1
In 1995, I worked in a bar where he always went, and
we started to get familiar with each other. I wasn't a
fan of Suede until he was added to the band in 1996.
He lived near the bar in his apartment which I had
once visited; I remember that it was neat. After having
known each other for a while, he invited me to a party
he was hosting.
That party was filled with many celebrities, which
made me feel small and insignificant in comparison.
But, I was still excited about seeing Brett Anderson,
the lead vocalist of Suede. His androgynous style and
unique vocals attracted me a lot.
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They were celebrating their latest album, 'Coming
Up', which was listed as one of the ten greatest
albums of the year, 1996. I was especially amazed by
the track, ‘The Beautiful Ones’. The lead vocalist
wrote the song to his friend who wallowed in sex and
drugs, then died at 22. However, to Brett, his friend
still was a beautiful person.
“You seem bored.” said Neil, the keyboardist.
“You overthink! I am happy to be here since I see a
lot of hot guys here.”
“I am also glad that you invited me here.” I thought to
myself.
It did mean a lot to me when he invited me, but I was
too shy to mention it.
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“So, why are you here with me? Shouldn't you be
socializing with your other guests? ”
“Oh!” proclaimed Neil
“My dear Cloud, are you trying to get rid of me?” said
Neil and gave me a sad face.
He probably had no idea how cute his sad face looked.
When I saw his lovely face, I completely lost my
mind.
I could feel my face turning reddish.
“Well, silly you! I want to go to the balcony to have
some fresh air.” Said I and then ran to the balcony as
quickly as possible. Hoping he wouldn't notice me
blushing.
Soon after, he went there as well and started to smoke.
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“Hello again!” said Neil
I pouted and looked at him thinking that he must be
doing it on purpose! Smoking in front of me was
totally a seduction.
He was way too sexy when he smoked.
I let out a quiet “Sigh”
“What’s wrong?” asked Neil.
“....................” I didn't want to say anything and I left
his apartment.
“Neil, are you into her or something......?”Asked
Simon, the drummer in the band and Cloud’s cousin
as well.
“Secret!” Neil smiled.
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He sat on the comfortable chair on his balcony and
pondered. He remembered the first time when he saw
her. She was always cool, and not easy to approach.
But once he got to know her, he knew she was a
clumsy and funny girl who had a wild imagination
and got a cute chubby face. He didn't know if she was
ever into him, but surely he had a feeling for her.
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2
I worked at my cousin’s bar as a bartender. It was a
fun job as I was able to meet and chat with many
different people.
My cousin was the drummer in the band as well. He
was too busy to take care of the bar, so basically I was
like the owner of it. I had to manage everything since
the real owner was occupied by the band.
The weather was classic British, wet and cold.
Soon it was going to turn 1997. Neil hadn't shown up
four days after the party. I knew I was crazy about
him, but I also knew he and I wouldn't have a happy
ending. Life was not a fairy tale. After all, I was just
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an ordinary girl, and I didn't think I could possibly
deserve a famous boyfriend like him.
I smiled impassively.
“What’s happened? Why are you not in the mood?”
said Neil.
I had no idea when he walked into the bar “Why and
when did you get here?” I was shook by him suddenly
showing up.
“I have been sitting here for ten minutes, and I am not
surprised you didn't notice me at all since you clearly
had your mind somewhere else” Neil smiled to me.
“Well, I am just tired and feel like going home early,”
I replied “And please bring Simon back, seriously!
This is not my bar! ” I complained.
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“Well, you should give yourself a vacation!” Said
Neil with a grin on his face.
“I wish! And by the way, why are you here? I thought
you had a concert in London now.”
“Oh! Babe, I am touched. It seems that you pay
attention to me after all.”
“Please don't forget Simon is my cousin, I know his
agenda.” and that's the way to know yours too.
“Anyway, you want to go Denmark with me?” asked
Neil.
“Why do you ask me, no one want to go with you?” I
could feel my heart beating fast....
“Yes or no? ”
“No, I don´t have time.”
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“Please! ”
“Why?”
“Because... you need a vacation.”
“I can't, who will take care of the bar if I go with you?
You can't find anyone else to go with you? ”
“ …..... ”
“I can't go with you because you are too famous.
Paparazzi will follow you no matter where you go. ”
“I don't care.”
“You should ask my boss whether I can go or not.”
He made a call to Simon, luckily he agreed!
“Only you and I?”
“Yup!”
I stared to regret it now.
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“Why? Darn it, I don't think it's a good idea! ”
“Well, you are useful you know, you can make
cocktail for me while we are on vacation. And you
should have a vacation as well! ”He tried to convince
me.
Of course, I was excited and nervous. But I still had
no idea why he asked me out of everyone to go with
him. Could it be that he's into me? Once this thought
popped up, I immediately overruled it. It couldn't be
possible, that someone like him would be into me.
I was way too ordinary, too normal for him. I wasn't
self-abased. I just knew myself too well.
“Fine then, when will we go?” I asked.
“This Sunday, we gonna stay there for two weeks.”
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3
Later that night, I started to pack. I couldn't describe
my feeling, but one thing for sure was I was looking
forward to it.
*********
Meanwhile, Simon called Neil
“Seriously though, would you mind telling me why
you ask my cousin out for vacation? ”
“Well, why not?”
“Dude, admit you like her.”
“Probably, well, it's late now. I gotta go to bed. See
ya. ” Neil hung up the call.
He questioned himself and he knew he did like her,
but was there anything more than that?
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He didn't know why he asked her to go to Denmark.
He just wanted to spend some time having fun with
her.
He was a quiet guy but he always found it surprisingly
easy to talk to her. He found out recently he thought
about her more and more. That was insane!
Two days later, they met at the airport and went to
Denmark to have their vacation. No one knew what
would happen, that something explosive was going to
change their relationship.
*********
Ones we arrived, some fans immediately recognized
him. They screamed and tried to approach him.
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“Let’s run!” shouted Neil as he grabbed my hand and
started to run.
We tried to escape from the crowd which made me
realize we really lived in different worlds. I
understood he would never belong to me.
“Sorry, I didn't know it would be like that.” said Neil
“It doesn't matter.” replied unhappily.
“Hey, cheer up! You’re not happy to hang around
with me?”
“Yes, yes I am. Well, you know it's just not
appropriate to go out with you.”
“Come on, you are my friend, and you’re like my
family as well.”
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Ah, I was just a friend to him anyway. Maybe I
shouldn't have gone out with him. The more I got to
know him, the more I fell for him. Reality wasn't a
fairy tale. I would never have an opportunity to make
my dream come true.
But at least I still could have fun with him for two
weeks.
We traveled the major cities, countryside’s,
everywhere!
We were just like a sweet couple, however we
weren't! Everywhere we went there were always lots
of young girls who were crazy about him just like me.
I wish I could just be like those young girls who had
the courage to tell him their feeling. Unlike me, I
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chose to hide it. I thought once I told him, it wouldn't
be possible to be friend with him.
On the tenth day of the trip, we went to LEGO land. I
found out he and I had something in common. We
both liked to build things. Later that night, we went
back to the hotel, we stayed at his room building with
LEGO. We were somehow childish.
I drank much and sooner I stopped building and
started complaining about him since I wasn't aware I
was drunk.
“You know what? I’ve fancied you for years.... I love
you” I whispered.
“................”
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“Yup, I knew it! Silence! That's the only way you
could reply me. But you know what? I am not
surprised at all. You'd never know how I feel, you'd
never care. Someone like you would never know how
much I’ve fallen for you. ”
I started to cry. “It has to be a secret, or else I would
never have a chance to be your friend. If I told you I
love you, you probably would not treat me as your
friend. I would just be like your ordinary fan, nothing
special. ”
“You’re such a weird girl.” Neil laughed.
He started to kiss me and I couldn’t remember
anything that happened later on.
*********
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The next morning I found out something horrible
happened. Something shouldn’t have happened.
I woke up and packed quickly. Somehow I felt
panicked and just wanted to hide from everything and
everyone.
I assumed it wouldn't mean anything to him. Soon I
went to the airport and left. I even moved to another
place to start my new life since it would be awkward
for me to see him around.
But I found out I was pregnant after moving to the
tiny town. I didn't regret anything that happened
between him and me. I had no memory for that night
after all.
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4
Life must go on. It has been five years now. I haven't
kept contact with my cousin or anyone except my
parents.
It isn't easy to bring up a child as a single-mother. But
the child brightens my life. He takes after Neil’s
bright brown eyes which remind me of his father all
the time.
*********
It has been five years since he saw her last time. She
just disappeared with no reason. He has missed her a
lot. Every single night she appeared in his dream,
however, the next morning she distempered just like
that morning she was gone when he woke up. He has
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tried to look for her for years. They both strongly fell
for each other. They appealed each other. Until now
he still has a strong feeling for her. After the trip to
Denmark, he has realized he was attracted by her. He
loves her. Everything! He had no idea why she
suddenly was gone from his life.
“Sigh”
“You’re still thinking about her, huh?” Simon asked.
“You really don't have any information about her?”
“Dude, I would tell you if I did!”
“I have been looking for her for years!”
“That’s fate.”
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“Cheer up, man. Tomorrow we’re going to have a
concert in Cotswold. Don't drink too much tonight!”
Brett reminds.
He has been drinking heavily every night since she
disappeared. He just hopes he is able to meet her
again.
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5
I still notice his news all the time. I just can't take my
eyes off him when he appears on TV. Tomorrow they
are going to have a concert here. I finally decided to
go. I can't resist his charm. He has become mature. I
am not sure if he still remembers me or not. I only
know I have missed him a lot.
**********
I am excited about going to the concert. I bought a
floor section ticket which would be close to the stage.
The concert takes place on time. The moment when
our eyes meet is thrilling. I am not sure if he
recognizes me or not, but I am sure, I almost can't
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breathe. I hate crying but I can't help since I just
realize how much I miss him.
Soon after I’ve got control of myself and started to
enjoy their music. I jump and sing along with the rest
of the crowd.
As the concert is about to end, Neil starts to talk
“Recently some tabloids have been writing about me
being gay as they never see me hanging out with girls,
but I want to clarify that I am not. And the reason I
haven’t hung out with girls, is only because my heart
belongs to a girl who with no reason ran away from
me. She’s fun-loving and spontaneous, which attracts
me a lot. She has been gone for five years, but tonight
I finally saw her appear in the crowd, Cloud. ”
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After hearing what he has said, I feel strained and
tried to leave.
“Now she is trying to escape again....this time I won’t
let you.”
It was unbelievable for him to see her here. Thanks to
Fate which lead him to see her again. He is too
excited and he will not lose her again.
*******************
I am trying my best to get out of here, but he catches
up.
“Why? Why do you try to leave away from me
again?” he asked.
“I’m not the right one for you. I don't deserve you. ”
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“Who said that? Have you been living here for these
years? ”
“My life isn't fairy tale, we won't work out and I'm not
good enough. That's why I moved here five years
ago.”
“Funny! You are such a coward. You are afraid of
something ridiculous. You are unique... you
absolutely are the one.... please don’t ever disappear
from my life again.”
Suddenly, I realize I can't let him know I have his kid,
or he probably is going to kill me for that.
Therefore, I again run away from him. But he doesn't
chase me....
**********************
30/37
Later tonight he visits my apartment, then I
understand why he didn't even try to chase.
“I know you are curious why I know where you live;
well Simon called your parents and told them the
story. Your parents just gave me your address “said
Neil once he gets into my apartment.
I feel worried and I can't let him get inside.
“Do not go into my place, get out!”
“Why? I just want to talk to you. ”
“We have nothing to talk about, just please don’t get
inside.” or else you will see my son.
“You seem afraid of me going inside, why? Are you
hiding some guy? ” Asked Neil. He never thought
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about she would have a boyfriend or something. He
feels jealous.
“Yes, I am. So just leave!”
He grabs her arms and asks her “You are not single?
A child is walking out from his room and saying
“Hey! Mummy, why are you arguing?”
“Mummy? You have a child already?”
“I know you. Mummy always looks at your photos.
She told me she loves you so much.” said Timmy.
“So won't your father feel mad?”
“I don't have father, mummy said my father was
gone.”
He looks at the child and discovered they look alike.
He knows the child probably is his.
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“You know what? You are a big liar. How can you
leave me and bring up our kid by your own?” asked
Neil.
“He is not your kid.”
“I can't believe you're still trying to lie.”
“ …....... ”
“Mummy, is he my daddy?”
“Yes, I am” replied Neil
“Yeah! I have one now, or else Eric always laughed at
me”
“Because of you, my kid is mocked. Seriously I would
love to kill you.”
“ …........... ”
I have nothing else to say.
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“Can we live together? My friend told me their
mummy and daddy live together. ” asked Timmy.
“No!”
“Yes!”
We answer at the same time, he glares at me.
“You would never have a chance to leave me again,
and I would never let you go. I love you deeply and
will never change. Stop worrying about something
silly. ”
“............................”
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Epilog
It has been another two years now. He is still a
keyboardist and I am working as a bartender again.
And I become more confident and courageous. I am
not stubborn anymore.
“What are you thinking about?” asked Neil.
I am drinking coffee at the balcony in his apartment.
He smokes and looks sexy to me. It’s like he is
casting a spell over me.
“Thinking about you, Thank you to fright for us.
Thank you for searching for me when I was being a
coward.”
“Silly you, I only fight for someone who is worth
fighting for.”
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“Gosh! Don't make me crazy about you more and
more!”
“Impossible! Tell you what; I have been working on
seducing you since I met you.”
“It works pretty well on me” I smiled to him.
We cuddle up to each other.
I wouldn't regret that I once escaped from him at least
it made me sure that he truly loves me. Well, I guess
if two people are meant to be together, eventually
they’ll find their way back, right?
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Reference
1. http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=zhTW&tbm=isch&tbnid=mr2GWb4jiHgrvM:&img
refurl=http://www.badgerflats.com/blog/2011/10/occupy-merced-county-thats-
redundant-were-already-occupied-by-a-corrupt-government-and-newspaper-covering-
up-for-them/coward/&docid=lnY-
KMzSAuNnbM&imgurl=http://www.badgerflats.com/blog/wp-
content/uploads/2011/10/coward.jpg&w=360&h=504&ei=oFfXT-
CpEYX_mAWy7OGLAw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=271&sig=11522357221709325395
4&page=1&tbnh=134&tbnw=91&start=0&ndsp=19&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:77&tx=68&t
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TW&sa=X&biw=1024&bih=610&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=7Y2VtTn6S6QLZ
M:&imgrefurl=http://www.sodahead.com/living/how-would-you-define-a-
coward/question-
834243/&docid=HLky_Hk9K4l98M&imgurl=http://images.sodahead.com/polls/00083
4243/polls_141323_Coward5_4502_120032_poll_xlarge.jpeg&w=252&h=350&ei=c1f
XT6HwOsWfmQXIxvWYAw&zoom=1
3. http://media.photobucket.com/image/recent/Cupiditas/Amor/th_196e47ac.jpg
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Synopsis
Why did she run away from me?
What?!
She and I have a kid?!
Why does she not know that I want to be with her?
I will never let her escape from me again.
And this time I am going to take her back being with
me forever!
Cloud, I am going to let you know that I love you.