by janie downey maxwell - pioneer drama

By Janie Downey Maxwell

© Copyright 2006, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

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Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado”

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THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF THE MISSING RING

By JANIE DOWNEY MAXWELL

CAST OF CHARACTERS# of lines

QUEEN ..........................................high-strung royal missing 26her ring

JULIA..............................................a maid 19MAGGIE.........................................another 18WILLIAM .................................... the butler 11MAXIMUM SMARTS.................... fumbling royal detective 12AGENT 98 .....................................Maximum’s sidekick; she’s 9

really the one with the smartsWILEY JONES.............................. the English detective 20OLIVER ..........................................Wiley Jones’s sidekick 16MS. SCARLET .............................. clueless woman in red 19BAR-B-QUE (BBQ) BOB ........... southern sheriff 14INSPECTOR CHANGE ...............ancient Chinese wise man 17

and healerPROFESSOR ...............................more intelligent than thou 16NANCY........................................... the down-home girl detective 14JAMIE.............................................Nancy’s cousin 13KAT .................................................scaredy-cat detective 18HENRIETTA ..................................note-taking spying 14

adolescentLEE .................................................another 14GYPSY ROSE .............................. fortune-teller 16

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SYNOPSIS OF SCENES

TIME: The present.PLACE: A small queendom.Scene One: On the set of Mystery-slash-Comedy Theater.Scene Two: The ballroom of the castle. The morning after the Detective

Ball.Scene Three: Same. Later that day.Scene Four: The queendom’s news studio. A short while later.Scene Five: The graveyard. That evening.Scene Six: The ballroom of the castle. The wee hours of the next

morning.

SET DESCRIPTIONThere are two minimal sets in this tale. The ballroom of the castle has seating areas all around the edges. DOWN LEFT is a small table holding a typewriter with paper loaded into it and a small black bag; FAR LEFT is a small table with two chairs; UP LEFT is another small table with three chairs; UP RIGHT is a group of four seats, which may be a long sofa or a small sofa and chairs; and FAR RIGHT is a group of three seats. A throne sits UP CENTER. Some of these seats have cardboard or foam gravestones on the back and can simply be turned around backwards for the graveyard set. There is a large painting of the king on the back wall. The painting is on a foam backing, and the king’s face is cut out so it can be removed.The graveyard is made up of large foam core headstones and perhaps a couple of foam core dead-looking trees.Scene One and Scene Four are played in front of the CURTAIN.

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iv

The Mysterious C

ase of the Missing R

ing - Set Design

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THE MYSTERIOUS CASE OF THE MISSING RING

Scene OneBEFORE LIGHTS UP: ALL ACTORS ENTER LEFT and stand in an �� chins. They turn their FLASHLIGHTS ON when they speak, then turn them back OFF once their lines are delivered.QUEEN: Welcome to… Mystery-slash-Comedy Theater.PROFESSOR�� !�"�� #LEE: Betrayal.OLIVER: Terror.NANCY: Fear.WILLIAM: Intrigue.MAXIMUM: Humor.BBQ BOB: Suspense.AGENT 98: Thievery.WILEY: Silliness.HENRIETTA: Frustration.JULIA: Suspects.MS. SCARLET: Clues.MAGGIE: Weapons.JAMIE: Surprise.CHANGE: And romance, blooming like a lotus in springtime…ALL: (Turn FLASHLIGHTS ON and leave them on.) What?CHANGE: Just kidding.GYPSY ROSE: You there in the front row, be afraid. Be very afraid…KAT: Welcome to… (Moves away from GYPSY ROSE, looks scared.)

Mystery-slash-Comedy Theater…ALL: (Evil laugh. FLASHLIGHTS OUT. ALL skulk OFF LEFT.)

End of Scene One

Scene TwoAT RISE: The ballroom, the morning after the Detective Ball. The LIGHTS are LOW. JULIA and MAGGIE stand at attention LEFT. There �� $�� %��!� &��!�used paper plates). WILLIAM, who is dressed all in black, ENTERS LEFT and sneaks around, picking things up as he looks around and over his shoulder. (OPTIONAL “SNEAKING AROUND” MUSIC.) He '�'�� !�� &��*+/��<=��"��

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the black bag, which he slips into his jacket pocket. Pats his pocket. Stops at the typewriter and types a quick note, laughs an evil laugh and heads to EXIT LEFT. As he passes JULIA and MAGGIE, he gives � ��' �� >"��!�� '��+==��<=��LIGHTS COME UP FULL as the QUEEN ENTERS LEFT. JULIA and MAGGIE salute the QUEEN with their feather dusters. The QUEEN appears distraught as she hurries about the room, asking JULIA and MAGGIE to pick things up. JULIA and MAGGIE stay right on the QUEEN’S heels picking up stray items and placing them in their large apron pockets as they go.QUEEN: Pick this up. (Points with big motions.) No, this. No, this.

Put that away. (Gesticulates.) Royal parties can be such a mess. (Continues pacing about.)

JULIA: (Follows close on her heels.) Your Highness, we have to talk to you about something.

MAGGIE: (Right behind JULIA, circles about the room, following the QUEEN.) Yes, about something that’s very important, Your Highness.

JULIA: We’re very sorry.MAGGIE��/�@��&��'��$��!��Z��'��@��"��

it anywhere.QUEEN��[��'��@��"�� \JULIA: It’s the Royal Ring, Your Highness. It’s… (Looks out at the

AUDIENCE and hisses the word missing.) …missssssing.QUEEN: (Stops in her tracks. Also looks at AUDIENCE and hisses.)

The Royal Ring is missssssing?MAGGIE: Yes, Your Highness. (Looks at AUDIENCE as she hisses

the word missing.) It’s missssssing. We’ve looked everywhere. Honest we have.

JULIA: Well, we haven’t actually looked everywhere, but we’ve looked around a good bit, and it appears to be gone. (She and MAGGIE smile at each other behind the QUEEN’S back. There is silence.)

QUEEN: (Builds to a loud scream.) Noooooooo! (Gesticulates.) Not the Royal Ring… not the Royal Ring. (Dabs at her eyes, looks demure, then speaks sternly as she stamps her foot.) Keeplooking. (Resumes pacing.)

MAGGIE: (Follows the QUEEN.) Your Highness, we’ve looked everywhere.

JULIA: (Follows MAGGIE.)�� @��'��"�� own.

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QUEEN: (Stops abruptly, her back still to the MAIDS. Unseen by the QUEEN, MAGGIE almost careens into her. JULIA almost smashes into MAGGIE. Dramatic.) Are you saying that we must bring in… the Royal Detectives? (JULIA and MAGGIE look at the AUDIENCE and sing “Da-Dah.”)

MAGGIE: Oh, yes, Your Highness.JULIA��[��̂ �� @��"�� (She and MAGGIE

smile at each other again behind the QUEEN’S back.)QUEEN: Very well, then. Send a message out to everyone who was

here last night at the Detective Ball. (Dictates.) “Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same.” (Sobs.) Andmake sure they are quick about it. I must get the Royal Ring back. (BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Two

Scene ThreeLIGHTS UP: The ballroom, later that day. The QUEEN sits in her throne UP CENTER, head in hands, waiting anxiously. JULIA and MAGGIE stand DOWN CENTER looking out towards AUDIENCE through a pretend window. WILLIAM stands off to the side and watches. He pats his pocket, laughs evilly and winks at JULIA and MAGGIE.

MAGGIE: Your Highness, the detectives are starting to arrive.(WILLIAM goes behind the large painting of the king on the back wall. He removes the face-shaped piece and peeks out through the hole, his head appearing over the king’s body. From this vantage point, he watches the action.)

JULIA: (Introduces the DETECTIVES to the AUDIENCE as each ENTERS.) Here come Maximum Smarts and Agent 98. He’s got the name, but she’s the one who’s really got the smarts. Maximum has a lot of equipment that he never seems to know quite what to do with. Oh, and he slips and falls a lot. Watch out there in the front row.

AGENT 98: (ENTERS LEFT with MAXIMUM SMARTS. To the QUEEN.) Your Highness, we came because we heard the call. We '��"� �� '�� '��

MAXIMUM: Plus we needed the work.QUEEN: Welcome.AGENT 98: (Aside to MAXIMUM.) Maximum, you realize that we’ll be

facing every kind of danger imaginable on this case?MAXIMUM: And loving it. (They sit at table UP LEFT.)MAGGIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Here come the big-dogs in town—

Detective Wiley Jones and his hunky sidekick, Oliver. At least

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we’ll get to spend some time with Oliver. (Calls OFF LEFT.) Hello, Detective Jones!

WILEY: (ENTERS LEFT, disguised with a large mustache and beard. Ignores MAGGIE and goes right to the QUEEN. Kneels and speaks with a courtly British accent.) Good afternoon, Your Highness. Detective Wiley Jones at your service.

QUEEN: Detective Jones. Why, I didn’t recognize you.WILEY: (Looks around.) I’m in disguise. Not a word to anyone about

my true identity, please. (Stands.) We are here to solve the crime, and nothing will stand in our way. Right, Oliver? Oliver? Oliver! (Shouts OFF LEFT.) Oliver, come inside!

OLIVER: (Runs ON LEFT, trips over a large suitcase he’s carrying and lands just in front of the QUEEN.) Boss, Boss! I gotta talk to you. I gotta talk to you right away.

WILEY: Not now, Oliver. We’re on a case.OLIVER: (Looks down at the suitcase under him.) Oh, I’m on the case

all right. You can count on me, Boss.WILEY: (Pulls OLIVER up.) Not that case, Oliver. We’re here to help

� ��_��"�� OLIVER: But, Boss. I have to tell you. I have to tell you…WILEY: What, what is it Oliver? Have you found a clue to this crime

already? Can you help the queen solve this insidious riddle? Have you found the Royal Ring?

OLIVER: No, Boss. I gotta tell you… I got new socks today. (Pulls up his pants so we can all see his fancy new socks.)

WILEY: Oliver. Concentrate. We are here to help the queen. (Pointsto the QUEEN.) Now please be quiet and start looking around for clues. (He and OLIVER pull out large magnifying glasses and start looking at items and people on the stage. OLIVER hums “Mary Had a Little Lamb” as he looks around. MS. SCARLET slinks ON LEFT, looking around her and checking a small pad in her hand. She is dressed all in red, with lots of jewelry and high-heeled shoes, and carries a small pencil and a large, stuffed handbag.)

MAGGIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Oh, it’s Ms. Scarlet. She can be such a nuisance. Never takes more than six steps at a time. Never moves diagonally. So many rules. And always announcing her suspicions. (To MS. SCARLET.) You’re Ms. Scarlet, aren’t you?

MS. SCARLET: They used to call me Snow White… but then I drifted. Yes, I’m Ms. Scarlet, here to look for suspects, rooms and weapons. I’ll be marking them off here on my pad with my small yellow pencil. Who, where and how. (Rummages through her

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handbag and takes out a small compact with a mirror. Holds up mirror to check her hair and makeup. Sees WILEY in her mirror and turns to face him.) Oh, I see that Detective Wiley Jones is here. Hello, Detective Jones.

WILEY: Drat. She saw through my disguise. I’ll have to get another one… (Moves to sofa or chair RIGHT and sits, OLIVER beside him. During the following dialogue he removes his fake mustache and beard and, with OLIVER’S help, puts them in the suitcase.)

MS. SCARLET: (Bows to the QUEEN.) Your Highness, I suggest we start by looking for an envelope. It’s usually left in the stairway, marked with an “X.” I’ll go look. (Searches around behind the chairs.)

JULIA: (BBQ BOB ENTERS LEFT, pretending to “walk” a dog on the end of a stiff wire. He is dressed sloppily, his shirt untucked and misbuttoned. To AUDIENCE.) Here comes Sheriff Barbeque Bob. (To those in the front of the AUDIENCE.) Watch out for his dog. Sometimes he bites. Oh, and don’t let the sheriff get too close to your popcorn.

BBQ BOB: Mind if I come in? (Looks around.) Well, howdy, Queen. (Moves to shake the QUEEN’S hand, but she folds her arms and looks away. Takes no notice of the QUEEN’S snub.) I understand we were invited up here for tea today. Mighty nice of you after you just had that big-ol’ party last night. Hope you don’t mind I brought mah dog here. (Reaches down to pet his imaginary dog, then sniffs the air like a dog.) Ummm. What smells so goooood? You didn’t go and make a cake for us, did ya?

QUEEN: (Exasperated.) We are not serving food today, Sheriff. I have an emergency on my hands, and I need your full focus to be on me.

BBQ BOB: Well, shucks, Queen. My full focus requires some fuel. But let’s see what I have here to snack on… (Reaches deep down in his pocket and pulls out something that looks like part of a donut.) Part of a donut. Well, that’ll have ta do! I’ll just pick this bit of lint off. Whoa there, boy. There’s plenty fer both of us. (Tosses an imaginary crumb to his imaginary dog and tosses the partial donut into his mouth.) Good dog. (To the AUDIENCE.) They call me a slob, but I do my job. (Burps.) Ummm. Tuna. (Hums “This Old Man Came Rolling Home” to himself as he looks around the stage for clues. MAGGIE and JULIA fan themselves as if BBQ BOB smells funny as he passes by them. JULIA pretends to “open” the imaginary window at the front of the stage. MS. SCARLET almost bumps into BBQ BOB as he heads toward table UP LEFT and seats himself with MAXIMUM and AGENT 98, who silently react

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to their malodorous tablemate. MS. SCARLET recoils with disgust and takes a seat as far away from BBQ BOB as possible, at FARRIGHT. INSPECTOR CHANGE ENTERS LEFT, wearing a long Chinese robe, and bows slowly and deliberately to the QUEEN.)

MAGGIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Inspector Change is a wise man and a healer. He knows all secrets.

CHANGE: Your Majesty. I am your humble servant.QUEEN: Inspector Change, I’m so glad you are here to help.CHANGE: Have no fear, Queen. I can hear clues on the wind.QUEEN: (Leans toward him with her hand cupped to her ear.) And

what is the wind saying?CHANGE: (Also cups his hand around his ear and scrunches up his

face.) It says, “When wind blow too hard—must close window.” (Pantomimes closing the window JULIA just opened. The QUEEN looks disappointed. Indicates the DETECTIVES already in the room, to the AUDIENCE.) Ship with too many pilots sometime ��"'��' ��$�� (Settles himself at table FAR LEFT.)

JULIA: (To AUDIENCE.) Drat, the professor is here. No doubt she can solve this crime, but will we be able to understand the solution she comes up with?

PROFESSOR: (ENTERS LEFT with a bold stride. Does not bow to the QUEEN.) Good afternoon, Your Highness. I understand you need my help. Again. (Big sigh.) Give me problems! I crave problems! I play the game for the game’s own sake.

QUEEN: (Grabs the PROFESSOR’S hands.) The Royal Ring is missing, and we have no clues.

PROFESSOR: (Pulls her hands away.) No clues, you say? Why, detection is, or ought to be, an exact science. But, I weary you �� &&�� @�� "�� '��!� �� @�� "�� When these detectives are out of their depth—which is, by the way, most of the time—the matter is laid before me.

CHANGE: (To PROFESSOR.) Little knowledge sometimes very dangerous thing. (PROFESSOR glares at CHANGE, then settles herself in sofa or chair FAR RIGHT. NANCY and JAMIE ENTER LEFT. They are dressed in conservative, neat clothing and radiate sincerity.)

MAGGIE: (To AUDIENCE.) And now the girl detectives arrive. These two never fail. �� .”) I forgot we had so many detectives in the queendom!

NANCY: (Curtsies to the QUEEN.) Hello, Your Highness. We’re here to help you crack the case of the missing Royal Ring.

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JAMIE: (Curtsies.) This is the most excitement we’ve had in Ocean Heights in months!

NANCY: Are you kidding me? It’s the most excitement we’ve had all year. But I’m ready. I’ve always pictured myself in exotic, foreign places, uncovering stories about spies and traitors.

JAMIE: We are soooo lucky to be working on this case.JULIA: (To AUDIENCE.) Her blue eyes danced with excitement.NANCY: I had no idea this would be such a mob scene. It’s total

chaos!JAMIE: Isn’t it great?NANCY: It’s awesome.MAGGIE: (To AUDIENCE.) Jamie gave Nancy an encouraging

smile. (JAMIE gives NANCY an encouraging smile. The GIRL DETECTIVES sit UP RIGHT and politely listen.)

JULIA: (To AUDIENCE.) Oh, here comes that new private eye. She’s a nervous wreck. I don’t think we have to worry about this one solving any crimes…

KAT: (ENTERS LEFT, checking over her clothes and nervously straightening her hair. Walks as if she’s trying not to step on cracks �� Ummm. Hello, (Sort of half-bows.) Your Highness. (Looks around nervously, then back at the QUEEN, offers her hand to shake, then pulls it back.) No, I can’t shake hands. Germs, you know. Glad to be here, though. I’m not the thirteenth one in, am I? (Makes a quick head count of the room.) Oh, no! I am the thirteenth! I can’t breathe. (Takes out a small brown paper bag and inhales into it.) No, wait. I’m the eleventh. I’m okay. I’m okay now. (To BBQ BOB.) Do I look okay? (Takes out some hand sanitizer and scrubs her hands. Sneezes loudly.) There isn’t a dog in here, is there?

BBQ BOB: Well, there sure enough is. Feel free to pet him. He hardly ever bites.

KAT: (Wipes her hands again with some fury.) I would never pet a dog. (Mops her face with a large red bandana, dusts off a seat FAR RIGHT, and sits, rearranges her clothes again and takes her pulse.)

JULIA: (To AUDIENCE.) Oh, here come those pesky spy kids. We have to watch what we say around them. They both want to be writers, and they make notes about everything.

HENRIETTA: (ENTERS LEFT with LEE. Each wears a backpack. They sneak in behind the chairs and scribble notes as they go. Speaks as she writes in her notebook.) “Arrived at the castle.

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Everyone is here. The room smells bad. Could be the sheriff’s dog. Or maybe it’s the sheriff…”

LEE: (Speaks as she writes in her notebook.) “Henrietta is so gung-ho on helping the queen. Look at her writing all of those notes. I’m ��"�� / ��&��`

HENRIETTA: Lee, let’s do a sleepover tonight to discuss our notes. I think I am going to write a novel about the queen. My writing is my work. (Moves toward seat at table FAR LEFT.)

LEE: And my writing is my work. I think I’ll write a detective novel. Hey, you can’t sit in that seat. I was going to sit there.

HENRIETTA: Huh-uh.LEE: Uh-huh. (She and HENRIETTA tussle over who is going to sit

in the last chair.)CHANGE: (To the GIRLS.) Ladies, politeness golden key to many

doors. (They shrug at CHANGE, then sit down, share one seat and take notes about the others in the room.)

MAGGIE: Your Highness, I believe that everyone is here now.JULIA: Yes, all the detectives are here. Except for… Gypsy Rose. Oh,

here she comes now. (GYPSY ROSE ENTERS LEFT, dressed in �� her scarves about as she enters. To AUDIENCE.) Darn. With her crystal ball, Gypsy Rose can tell the future… but can she tell… (Sings “Da-duh.”) …the past?

QUEEN: (Jumps from her chair.) Oh, Gypsy Rose. I’m so glad you are here. Save us all a lot of trouble, and tell me where the Royal Ring is. I want that ring back now.

GYPSY ROSE: (Curtsies deeply to the QUEEN.) Certainly, Your Majesty. I shall need a chair.

QUEEN:�� Julia! Maggie! A chair for Gypsy Rose! (They run to the throne and pull it DOWN CENTER.) Not my throne, you fools! (They begin to take the throne back UPSTAGE. QUEEN looks around and sees there are no more chairs.) Oh, very well, then, bring my throne. (The MAIDS bring the throne again DOWN CENTER, set it down, then wipe their brows with handkerchiefs.)

GYPSY ROSE: I shall need a table, Your Majesty.QUEEN:�� Julia! Maggie! A table! (They run to the

table UP LEFT and each take one side of it. MAXIMUM, lost in thought, puts out his elbow to lean forward onto the table. Just ��!��"�stands and brushes himself off as they place the table CENTER for GYPSY ROSE.)

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GYPSY ROSE: ��$�� table and pulls a crystal ball from her large tote bag. EVERYONE gets up and gathers around her for her reading. Theatrically, she settles herself in the throne.) I know all. The secret can now be ��{� |�� "��#� �@�� "�� (The QUEEN digs around in her pockets, then signals for MAGGIE to bring GYPSY ROSE some money.)

MAGGIE: (Finds coins in her large apron pocket. As she is about to hand them to GYPSY ROSE, BBQ BOB grabs the coins and swallows them. [NOTE: Use imaginary coins.]) Why did you just swallow that money?

BBQ BOB: I thought it was lunch money.GYPSY ROSE: Well, I’ll send a bill later. (Closes her eyes and starts

to sway in her seat.) Quiet! I must have quiet… (Starts to chant quietly, then builds.) Eckery, ackery, ookery, an. Fillisy, follasy, Nicholas, John.

JULIA: What does that mean?PROFESSOR: If I remember my Romanian correctly, it translates to:

“First… here… you… begin. Castle… gloves… on… play.”GYPSY ROSE: (Glares at PROFESSOR.) The picture is unclear.

Bring me a tomato.QUEEN: Quickly, Julia. Find her a royal tomato. (JULIA reaches into

her apron pocket and pulls out a ripe tomato. [NOTE: Make this a plastic tomato or even an imaginary one.])

GYPSY ROSE: (Takes the tomato and places it tenderly on the table. Stands and walks around the table and chants nonsense words over the tomato. Stops and lifts her arms.) I need… a lead pipe.

MS. SCARLET: I have one! (Rummages in her bag and pulls out a �� $!!� ��!�!��pulls out a large pipe.)

GYPSY ROSE: Thank you. You are always so helpful, Ms. Scarlet. Now, if there is a villain in the room we’ll soon know—because we’ll see a piece of his or her hair in the center of this tomato. (Sets down the lead pipe and holds the tomato up for everyone to see. She then pulls a pair of safety goggles from her bag, puts them on, pulls the scarf up over the tomato, raises the lead pipe and smashes the tomato viciously. EVERYONE ducks for cover. She cautiously peels the scarf back to peek inside.)

QUEEN: What do you see? What do you see, Gypsy Rose?GYPSY ROSE: I see… I see… a huge mess here. Someone is going

to have to clean up this mess.

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BBQ BOB: Can I have it? (Scoops up the tomato in the scarf and puts it in his pocket.)

PROFESSOR: What a ridiculous show. (To BBQ BOB.) You are a wretched man. (To GYPSY ROSE.) And you are a wretched woman!

GYPSY ROSE: This is no time for compliments, my dear professor.BBQ BOB: Gypsy Rose, while you’re here, can you read my palm?

(Sticks his palm out into GYPSY ROSE’S face.)GYPSY ROSE: (Grabs his hand.) Your palm says, “Take a bath.”

(Tosses his hand away from her. Replaces all her belongings in her tote bag. Some time during the following dialogue, she inconspicuously slips behind the sofa and remains hidden.)

QUEEN: If Gypsy Rose can’t solve this, then you detectives will all have to work on solving this crime. Julia and Maggie, tell the detectives what you know.

JULIA: Well, it’s very simple. As you know, we were all here at the Detective Ball last night. The Royal Ring was here. And now it’s gone.

MAGGIE: Oh, and there was a message left there on the typewriter. (Points to typewriter. MAXIMUM, AGENT 98 and WILEY all run for the note. WILEY realizes his shoe is untied and suddenly stops, kneels to tie it. MAXIMUM jumps or leapfrogs over him. If the actor is able to do a somersault or cartwheel afterwards, so much the better.)

MAXIMUM: �%�� $��$��$��&��$�� as he reads out loud.) “You are doomed.” Yikes! (Tosses the ��'*+/�� !�up behind MAXIMUM.) I think this is for you. (Wipes his hand to get the “curse” off of it.)

WILEY: Oh, let me see that note. (Reads.) “You are doomed. The ring is gone, gone I say! Aha hahahahahh.”

PROFESSOR: Does it really say, “Aha hahahahahh”?WILEY: Yes, look right here. “Aha hahahahahh.”QUEEN: (Grabs the paper.) This makes me so mad. There is no

signature. That’s just rude.JAMIE: Let’s get back to the case. The Royal Ring is missing, and it

was here in this room last night? Who was around who might have taken the Royal Ring?

QUEEN: You were all here last night at the party. Anyone in this room could have made off with my ring. ��

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CHANGE: Your Highness. Begging your pardon, but you need answer ��_��&��"��

QUEEN: (Paces as she speaks.) No, no more questions. I do not have ��_�� "��@�� '�� "�� |��#��want it back quickly. By midnight tonight. Now, off with you, all of you. Find that ring. (Fluffs her hair.) God, I love this job. (EXITS LEFT.)

MAGGIE: (While the DETECTIVES talk and compare notes, MAGGIE and JULIA go to opposite sides of DOWNSTAGE. MAGGIE takes off her shoe and calls JULIA. JULIA answers on her feather duster. The DETECTIVES pretend to look for clues as they all listen in on the MAIDS’ conversation.) So far, all is running according to plan. These detectives will soon be running into each other stamping out the clues. They’ll never solve this one.

JULIA: But where is William?MAGGIE: Last I saw him, he was headed for the graveyard. (She and

JULIA both look at the AUDIENCE and sing “Da-duh.”)JULIA��@��"�� ^��

shows up here again. (She and MAGGIE tiptoe OFF LEFT. WILLIAM sneaks OFF LEFT behind them. The DETECTIVES all gasp toward the AUDIENCE.)

MAXIMUM: Agent 98, did you hear what I just heard about the Royal Ring and the graveyard? It sounds like those servants are up to no good. This is a simple matter of… What is this a simple matter of, Agent 98?

AGENT 98: Maximum, it’s clear that those servants know something about where the Royal Ring is. We should head right for the graveyard. (Starts toward EXIT LEFT.)

MS. SCARLET: (Blocks AGENT 98’S EXIT.) Hey! The rules say � ��}��~'��"��(EXITS LEFT with a swoosh, followed OUT by AGENT 98 and MAXIMUM.)

WILEY: The graveyard, is it? Come along, Oliver. The game is afoot. (Begins to EXIT LEFT.)

OLIVER: (Stops, puzzled.) A foot? The game is a foot? I thought it was a ring, Boss.

WILEY: Oliver! What have I told you about thinking?OLIVER: Oh, right, Boss. (Slaps his head, which makes him stumble

OUT the doorway after WILEY, who has EXITED.)HENRIETTA: (To LEE.) These people are creepy. And we’re not

��'�� @�� Z�� "��the clues. Then we’ll try to get some of the credit.

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LEE��@��$��|��'��@��&�� "��out where they are headed, and I’ll meet you later.

HENRIETTA: Oh, so you want me to do all of the work and then you’ll join me later? I’m making a note of this. (Starts to scribble in her notebook.)

LEE: Two can play this game. (Writes in her notebook.) “Henrietta is trying to boss me around again. Who does she think she is?” (Both stalk OFF LEFT, continue to write in their notebooks.)

NANCY: (To JAMIE.) I heard those maids. Meet me at six sharp at the old graveyard.

JAMIE: You’ve got a deal! �� 010&/� � 2�� +3'4�LEFT.)

PROFESSOR�� }�� $�� "�� '�� ^��!�along with my excellent hearing, makes me want to head to the ��|��"��!��'�$��~ �� is last. (EXITS LEFT. BBQ BOB, KAT and CHANGE appear to be the last DETECTIVES seated in the QUEEN’S parlor. GYPSY ROSE is hidden behind the sofa.)

CHANGE�� "'�� $�� conspicuous mountain. I wonder what clue we overlook here. Something not right about this typewriter… (Picks up the typewriter and looks underneath it.)

BBQ BOB: Well, Inspector Change, I’d help you look, but I’ve got a hankering for a cup of chili down at Burt’s. Ummm. Come on, Dog, let’s hit the road. (EXITS LEFT.)

CHANGE: Smart rats know when to leave ship. (Sets the typewriter down, glares at KAT, then EXITS LEFT.)

KAT: Well, it’s just me now. (Paces a bit, straightens things, then wipes off her hands.) They’re all off to some graveyard. Like I’d ever go to a graveyard. No, sir, I am not leaving this castle even if there is a ��"�� (Pretends to look out the front “window” toward the AUDIENCE.) Why does every detective story have to include a scene in a graveyard? Yuck. And there’s a chance of a storm tonight. No doubt there’ll be lightening… torrential rain. I could get wet! Then I’d probably catch pneumonia and die… die a lingering, slow death. Maybe I should have thought some of this through before becoming a detective. (GYPSY ROSE’S pet crow—a puppet—appears behind KAT, “sitting” atop the sofa. KAT’S nose begins to twitch. Turns quickly.)

GYPSY ROSE’S VOICE: (From behind the sofa, as the bird. Screams.)Kat!

KAT: Ahhhhhh! (Runs OFF LEFT.)

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GYPSY ROSE: (Stands up and leans over the sofa, laughs. Yells after KAT.) Try not to trip over your own shadow. (Plops down on the sofa.) I love it when people think I’m evil— It keeps them away from my condo. These silly detectives. I’m a lousy fortune-teller, but I can tell you one thing. Wherever that ring is, I feel that it is safe and sound. But I’m happy to join in the hunt. (CURTAIN.)

End of Scene Three

Scene FourLIGHTS UP: A news show, a short while later. Played in front of the curtain. WILLIAM sits in a chair (which he brought on) with a cardboard TV screen held in front of him by MAXIMUM SMARTS and AGENT 98. HENRIETTA and LEE sit in two other chairs (which they brought on), one of them holding a large handheld microphone. We hear NEWS MUSIC UP and OUT.WILLIAM: We have just received word that there’s been a robbery at

the castle. According to our investigative reporter on the scene, the queen has reported that the Royal Ring is missing. She has hired �� '��"�� '��also all suspects in the missing ring case. For more on the story, we turn now to our reporter on the scene. Henrietta, what are you seeing there at the castle? (MAXIMUM and AGENT 98 move the TV screen in front of HENRIETTA.)

HENRIETTA: William, it was a night of revelry followed by a day of tears here at the castle. As you noted, the Royal Ring is missing from the castle, and no one knows where it is. I am here with Lee, who was at the castle when the detectives arrived earlier this afternoon. Lee, can you tell us what you saw? (TV screen in front of LEE, unless it’s big enough to frame both HENRIETTA and LEE.)

LEE: Henrietta, there were detectives in from all over the queendom. A sinister note was discovered in the conservatory, and a tomato was smashed with a lead pipe. There is a substantial reward offered for the discovery of the lost Royal Ring. (TV screen back to WILLIAM.)

WILLIAM��/��!�� "�� no ring. We don’t know what’s up with the tomato. And now back to our story, already in progress. (MUSIC UP and OUT as ALL EXIT LEFT except WILLIAM, who goes OFF RIGHT. BLACKOUT.)

End of Scene Four

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Scene FiveAT RISE: The graveyard, that evening. LIGHTS are DIM. GYPSY ROSE is hidden behind one of the gravestones with her crow puppet. There is a small sign: “King’s End. Population 0.” There are eight large “footprints” taped in a wide circle around CENTER STAGE. There is a small paper bag near one of the gravestones, and a small, shoebox-sized cardboard box near another stone. The scene is meant to move fast, with one group appearing in the graveyard just as the previous group exits.JULIA/MAGGIE: �4�� 50� *+64� $�� In a stage

whisper.) William? William?WILLIAM: (Tiptoes ON RIGHT. He and the MAIDS tiptoe backward

into each other and ALL scream when they touch. They ALL then turn and say “Shhhhh.”) Quiet! Or someone will hear us. (Putsa small tape recorder down next to a stone.) This should buy us enough time. (ALL EXIT LEFT.)

MS. SCARLET: (ENTERS LEFT with KAT and PROFESSOR.) I want to solve this crime. It is my desire. Is that not enough?

KAT: You don’t think there are any spiders out here in this graveyard, do you?

PROFESSOR: No, of course not. And there aren’t any dead bodies, either! (KAT laughs, nervous.)

MS. SCARLET: Detective Kat, you laugh in the face of danger?KAT: Well, actually, I just kind of snicker behind danger’s back.GYPSY ROSE: (Peeks over a tombstone with her crow puppet, then

jumps out and stands in front of KAT.) Watch out for evil spirits! (Runs OFF LEFT laughing. KAT’S face is frozen in terror, toward the AUDIENCE. We hear a high-pitched wheezing sound coming from KAT.)

MS. SCARLET: Detective Kat, are you all right?KAT: (Starts to work jaw loose, then lets out a piercing scream.)

Ahhhhhhh!PROFESSOR: (Plugs her ears.) Why did you just scream? It makes

no sense. You make no sense.KAT: Are you implying that everything should make sense? My therapist

says that screaming is a good way for me to relieve stress. And I’m feeling sort of stressed right now. (Screams again.) Ahhhhhhh!

PROFESSOR: Not again… Now what’s wrong?KAT: (Points.) It’s getting dark out. And there’s a storm coming.MS. SCARLET: You really must stop that screaming. It harms my

delicate ears.

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KAT: Sorry about that.MS. SCARLET: Anyway, what are we doing here? I don’t recall seeing

any graveyard on the Clue board.KAT: It’s dark. It’s starting to rain. What are we doing here?MS. SCARLET: Is it going to rain? A day without sunshine is like…

you know, night.PROFESSOR: Yes, night, Ms. Scarlet. That’s exactly what it is going

to be… night. And rainy. And soon! (SOUND EFFECT: CELL PHONE RING.) Excuse me, but I believe your shoe is ringing.

MS. SCARLET: Oh, just ignore that. I never answer my shoe. I don’t care to talk into a shoe. (Pulls a compact out of her bag.) Now, when this phone rings, I answer it. (Checks her hair and makeup in the compact mirror, then peeks around with the mirror and points LEFT.) Oh, look over there. The maids are running that way.

WILEY: (Runs ON RIGHT with OLIVER.) Step back, ladies, we’re after those maids.

OLIVER: Yeah, look out, girls, or we’ll step on your toes.MS. SCARLET: (Pretends to stumble.) Oh, help me, Detective Jones.

I don’t believe I can run another step. (To KAT and PROFESSOR.) He reminds me so of Colonel Algernon Mustard.

WILEY: Ms. Scarlet, why is it that you can never move more than six steps at a time? Is that against the rules?

MS. SCARLET: The rules, Detective Jones? Heavens, no. It’s these shoes! My feet are killing me. (Pulls off her shoes.) After those maids! (Sprints OFF LEFT followed by WILEY and OLIVER, followed by KAT and the PROFESSOR. It starts to storm—LIGHTS FLASH, and we hear THUNDER.)

CHANGE: (ENTERS RIGHT and crosses in front of the gravestones. To AUDIENCE.) How loud it thunder, how little it rain. (EXITSLEFT.)

GYPSY ROSE: (ENTERS LEFT with HENRIETTA and LEE.) Spirits! Spirits! Talk to Gypsy Rose. Channel yourselves through my crow here. Tell me the truth. Where is the ring?

HENRIETTA: Gypsy Rose, what do the spirits tell you?GYPSY ROSE: Not much. Free advice is worth what you pay for it.LEE: What is this magic that you work, Gypsy Rose?GYPSY ROSE: It’s an ancient art called “pen dukkerin,” or in your

language, “hokey-pokey.” (She, HENRIETTA and LEE EXIT LEFT.)

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NANCY: (ENTERS RIGHT with JAMIE.) We’re lucky we heard the clue about the graveyard. I had no idea that this would be so complicated.

JAMIE: Isn’t it great?NANCY: I say we stick with this till the crime is solved.JAMIE: I knew you’d say that. You’ve got yourself a deal! (They high-

�� We’re pretty obnoxious, aren’t we?NANCY: (With a big smile.) We sure are! (They EXIT LEFT.)AGENT 98: (Runs ON RIGHT with MAXIMUM, who slips and falls.)

Oh, Maximum. Are you all right? What happened?MAXIMUM: Well, I was running, and then I fell. (Sniffs at his hand on

the ground, then looks on the bottom of his shoe.) Don’t tell me that sheriff has been around here with his dog.

AGENT 98: Maximum, the sheriff has been around here with his dog.

MAXIMUM: I told you not to tell me that. (Points to a pile of imaginary dog droppings.) I missed it by that much. (They EXIT RIGHT.)

HENRIETTA: (ENTERS LEFT with LEE, MS. SCARLET and PROFESSOR. Writes.) “It was a dark and stormy night.”

LEE: Does anyone have a candlestick? If only we had a candlestick we’d be able to see better…

MS. SCARLET: Well, of course. I have a candlestick right here. (Pullsa candlestick from her bag.)

HENRIETTA: Um. Do you also have a candle and matches?MS. SCARLET: Lordy, no. There are no candles or matches in the

game of Clue. They’re too dangerous.LEE: (Writes.) “Remember to stay away from candles and matches—

��^��'��#`CHANGE: (ENTERS LEFT and crosses in front of HENRIETTA, LEE

and MS. SCARLET. To MS. SCARLET.) Eggs should not dance with stones. (EXITS RIGHT.)

HENRIETTA: (She, LEE and MS. SCARLET look at each other and shrug.) + !��@��' �� somewhere. (Looks in her backpack.)��@��"��Z��

PROFESSOR: Are you certain it will be in a jiffy? You may not know this, but a “jiffy” is actually 1/100th of a second. (HENRIETTA and LEE stare at the PROFESSOR.)

LEE: Who cares?PROFESSOR: (Sighs.) The two most common elements in the

universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

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HENRIETTA: What is she talking about?LEE: I have no idea. Let’s get back to tracking Wiley Jones and Oliver.

(She, HENRIETTA and MS. SCARLET EXIT LEFT.)PROFESSOR: Perhaps when a woman has special knowledge and

special powers like my own, it rather encourages her to seek a complex explanation when a simpler one is at hand. (EXITSLEFT.)

WILEY: (ENTERS RIGHT with OLIVER, who carries a bag. SOUND EFFECT: MYSTERIOUS MUSIC builds.) There have got to be some clues here somewhere. (Looks around with his magnifying glass.) Where in tarnation is that music coming from? How annoying. (Yells to no one in particular.) Stop that. Stop it, I say! (MUSIC STOPS.) That’s better.

OLIVER: Lookie there, Boss. I found a footprint.WILEY: Excellent work, Oliver. (Looks at the footprint with his magnifying

��$�� Here, put it in the bag. (He and OLIVER continue to walk through the graveyard collecting footprints. OLIVER is humming “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” As OLIVER puts the footprints in the bag, they fall back out through a hole in the bottom of the bag. WILEY and OLIVER go around in a big circle doing this. WILEY holds up one of the footprints in front of him.) This looks awfully familiar. Oliver! Is this your footprint?

OLIVER: �*�� !�� '�7�� cutout “footprint.”) Hey, it is my footprint! Thanks, Boss. (OLIVERsticks a footprint to the bottom of his shoe.) ��@��$��'��"��

BBQ BOB: (ENTERS RIGHT with his pretend dog at the end of a stiff leash.) Watch out, you! Get back from that bag! (Points to a bag sitting by a gravestone.)

OLIVER: Whaaa…? What’s in the bag?BBQ BOB: (Jumps over and grabs up the bag.) My lunch. Corned

beef on rye. Ummmm. I wondered where I’d left this. Say, do y’all hear something rattling over there in that box?

OLIVER: I’ll go see what it is! (Brings the box back to WILEY.)WILEY: (Peeks under the lid of the box.) Good God, Oliver! It’s a ten-

foot rattlesnake!OLIVER: Oh, now, Boss. You can’t fool me. There’s no such thing as

a snake with ten feet. (Smiles and tucks the box under his arm. BBQ BOB, WILEY and OLIVER EXIT LEFT.)

MAXIMUM: (ENTERS RIGHT with AGENT 98, who carries a large, closed umbrella. Shakes a small gun in his hand.) This gun is ��"��^��

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AGENT 98: Maximum! Please be careful with that. Let me see it.MAXIMUM��!��$��'��'�$�&��"��

(Turns gun on self and squirts himself in the face.)AGENT 98: Well, Maximum, it appears to be working now. (SOUND

EFFECT: CELL PHONE RING.) Oh, I think your phone is ringing.MAXIMUM: If you don’t mind, 98, this may be the chief. Do you have

the Umbrella of Silence with you? I need complete security here. (AGENT 98 opens a large umbrella and holds it over both of them.) Hello, Chief. Would you believe that the servants led us right to the graveyard? It’s so simple. They’ve obviously taken the ring and hidden it here somewhere. But by using my super metal-sensing device hidden here in this pen, I’ll soon be able to locate the ring and collect the reward. (Holds the metal pen up outside of the umbrella. We hear a crack of THUNDER and see LIGHTNING; MAXIMUM appears to be zapped. Yells and falls to the ground.)

AGENT 98: Maximum! Are you okay? What happened?MAXIMUM: Ah, it was the old super-metal-sensing-device-struck-

by-lightening trick. That’s the second time I’ve fallen for that this week. Back to the drawing board. (AGENT 98 helps MAXIMUM up, and they EXIT LEFT.)

NANCY: (ENTERS RIGHT with JAMIE. Picks up the tape recorder that WILLIAM left onstage.) Hey, Jamie, look! I found an old tape recorder by that tombstone.

JAMIE: Well, let’s listen to it. It may be the clue that solves everything! (Hits the play button.)

WILLIAM’S VOICE: (On the tape.) This is a clue. The Royal Ring is �� $��>��'�� "��'�� @��wanted to say that. This isn’t actually a clue. Aha hahahahahh. (Coughs.)

NANCY: Drat.JAMIE: Double drat. (We hear LOUD FOOTSTEPS from OFFSTAGE.

The footsteps get louder and louder…) Do you hear that?NANCY: What is it? What is it?OLIVER: (ENTERS LEFT wearing large boots.) Hello, ladies. How do

you like my boots?JAMIE: Oliver, you are so cool.NANCY��"�� !�� '�^��{�

(OLIVER smiles and EXITS RIGHT with JAMIE and NANCY, an arm around each of them.)

BBQ BOB: (ENTERS RIGHT with KAT. CHANGE ENTERS LEFT at the same time. To KAT.) I’ve got me a spy telescope here. I’ll just

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wipe it off a bit, and you can hold it right up there to your pretty little eye and have a look around. (Breathes heavily on the end of the telescope. Goes to wipe off the lens with his handkerchief, sneezes, wipes the telescope off with the handkerchief and smiles. KAT faints when he hands her the telescope.)

CHANGE: (Leans over to help KAT, then whirls around and screams, grabbing at his leg as if he has just been bitten by a dog.) Ow! I can’t believe it. I come out here to help search and your dog bite me. You tell me your dog does not bite.

BBQ BOB: My dog does not bite. But that is not my dog. There’s my dog over there. (Points LEFT.) Later, Inspector! (Runs OFF LEFT.)

CHANGE: I wish I could give that man a good chop. Now I know why ��'��=��"� ��(Limps OFF RIGHT, leaving KAT lying on the stage.)

MS. SCARLET: (ENTERS LEFT with HENRIETTA and LEE. JAMIE and NANCY ENTER RIGHT. They all see KAT lying on the ground and run to her.) Oh, it’s Detective Kat. Are you all right?

KAT: (Wakes up and stands, groggy, holding her head.) Am I all right? Was I ever all right? Did I just get hit by lightning?

JAMIE: No way. Do you know how small your chances are of being hit by lightning?

KAT: How small?NANCY: We’ll, you have about the same chance of being hit by

lightning as you do of being hit by an asteroid from outer space.KAT: I got hit by an asteroid yesterday!JAMIE�� [��@�� ^�� "�� &��

lightning strikes again.MS. SCARLET: Oh, Detective Kat. You’re safe as a baby in a cradle. I

mean, look at me. I’m out in this weather and I have metal all over my body. If anyone is going to be hit by lightning, it’s gonna be me. (Flashes her rings, earrings and necklace.)

KAT: Well, if you think it’s okay, then… I guess it’s a good thing I have this lucky horseshoe with me. (Shows them a large metal horseshoe.)

HENRIETTA: You’re holding a horseshoe in a lightning storm?KAT: Of course, it’s good luck. See? (Holds up the horseshoe.

THUNDER ROARS, LIGHTS FLASH and KAT falls back to the ��

LEE: Oh, dear. That looks like it hurt. Are you okay?KAT: I’m okay. I’m okay… Do I look okay?

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HENRIETTA�� !��@��"��clues. What do we do now?

LEE: I don’t know about you guys, but I think we should get out of here. (BIG CRACK OF THUNDER/LIGHTNING FLASH.)

ALL: Let’s go! (ALL run OFF in different directions. BLACKOUT.)End of Scene Five

Scene SixLIGHTS UP: The ballroom, the wee hours of the next morning. ALL are gathered back at the castle, sitting in the chairs and on the sofa. MAGGIE and JULIA are sitting on the edge of the stage together with � ��"��'��QUEEN: You’ve all been out all night. Surely someone knows who

stole the Royal Ring. Detective Change?CHANGE: (Stands.) Ancient wisdom say, “Man who live in glass

house should change clothes in basement.” No, no, “Man who fart in church sit in own pew.” But I ramble... I have no idea who done it. Little voice in back of my head say it the butler, but we all know your butler very trustworthy. So my theory like balloon—easy to blow up, quick to explode. (Sits.)

MS. SCARLET: (Stands, holds a set of cards in a small envelope.) Iwould like to make an accusation. We all know about the secret passageway that goes between the kitchen and the conservatory. And knowing that all of the possible suspects are here in this room, and that I have all of the possible weapons here in my bag… Well, I have no idea who did it. I’m terrible at this game. (Sits.)

PROFESSOR: (Stands.) Nonsense, all of you. You have each espoused an unlikely scenario, which is wrong. The grand thing is to be able to reason backwards. However, that doesn’t really solve anything. Drat. This infernal case has haunted me now for… (Looks at her watch.) …a full 30 minutes. I hereby banish it completely from my mind.

QUEEN: In other words, you haven’t any idea who stole the ring.PROFESSOR: Absolutely no idea. (Sits.)BBQ BOB: (Stands.) I have a theory about this case… (ALL of the

DETECTIVES stand and start to argue about the crime, each says who they think did the crime and each points at the other DETECTIVES as possible suspects.)

QUEEN: Quiet! It doesn’t sound like any of you have solved this crime. So now you will just have to go back out and look again.

ALL: No!

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CHANGE: Ms. Queenie, there is one more possibility. A guilty '��'��'�� "�� $��^� �$�� (EVERYONE sits quietly waiting to see who speaks next.)

WILLIAM: (ENTERS LEFT, carrying a tray with tea cups.) Tea is served.

CHANGE: (Points at WILLIAM.) I was right! Always listen to intuition. Butler guilty. I see you skulking about here all night.

WILLIAM: What do you mean, skulking? That’s just how I walk.MAXIMUM: And why the evil laughter?WILLIAM: What evil laughter? You mean like this: “Aha

hahahahahh.”ALL: Yes, like this: “Aha hahahahahh.”WILLIAM: That’s just how I laugh. I inherited that from my mother.

You have nothing on me. Nothing, I say! Aha hahahahahh. And ��@��"�� (A CELL PHONE RINGS loudly in ��=��$��4�>1'?��$�� ears. WILLIAM balances the tea tray with one hand and grasps at his pocket with his free hand to try to get to the phone to turn it off.)

MAGGIE/JULIA/WILLIAM: No!QUEEN: That’s it! That’s the Royal Ring! You found the Royal Ring!

(Grabs the phone from WILLIAM’S pocket and goes to the side of the stage to chat on her cell phone.)

WILLIAM: Drat and double drat. I hate that Royal Ring! I thought I had "��"�� $�� $ �� out there fumbling in the graveyard, but no—it’s baaaaack.

ALL: The butler did it?WILLIAM: I had no choice! That Royal Ring was driving us crazy!

(MAGGIE and JULIA nod their heads.)WILEY: Well, of course. Elementary. The clue you need is always in

the last place you look.OLIVER: Well, of course it is, Boss, ’cause then you stop looking.WILEY: Let’s go home. I’ll call a cab. Oliver, have you seen my cell

phone?OLIVER: What does this one look like?WILEY: You know. It looks like a baloney sandwich with a pickle for

a transmitter. (EVERYONE looks at BBQ BOB.) Barbecue Bob, surely you did not—

BBQ BOB: (Smiles.) Burrrrrrp. (CURTAIN.)END OF PLAY

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PRODUCTION NOTES

PROPERTIESBROUGHT ON, Scene One:� +�� $��' ��'��%��ONSTAGE, Scene Two: Three small tables (one which holds a

typewriter with a piece of paper loaded in it and a small black bag); "��' ��%��' �� $��of king on wall, with face cut out for easy removal; party remains %��!�&��!��$�$��$��

BROUGHT ON, Scene Two:Feather dusters (JULIA, MAGGIE)

BROUGHT ON, Scene Three:Feather dusters, handkerchiefs (JULIA, MAGGIE)Fake mustache and beard, magnifying glass (WILEY)Suitcase, magnifying glass (OLIVER)Small pad and small yellow pencil, large handbag, small

compact with mirror, lead pipe, length of rope, large wrench (MS. SCARLET)

Stiff wire leash with dog collar at end, part of donut (BBQ BOB)Small brown paper bag, hand sanitizer, large red bandana (KAT)Backpacks, notebooks and pens (HENRIETTA, LEE)Large tote bag, crystal ball, safety goggles, crow puppet (GYPSY

ROSE)Coins (MAGGIE)Plastic tomato (JULIA)

BROUGHT ON, Scene Four:Chairs, large handheld microphone (WILLIAM, HENRIETTA,

LEE)Cardboard “TV screen” (MAXIMUM, AGENT 98)

ONSTAGE, Scene Five: Foam core gravestones (some are on the backs of chairs), small standing sign (“King’s End. Population: 0”), eight large footprints (cut from black paper, about the size of +��<�@~��$�� '�'��<��<��STAGE, small paper bag, small cardboard shoebox-sized box with lid.

BROUGHT ON, Scene Five:Flashlights (JULIA, MAGGIE)Small tape recorder (WILLIAM)Crow puppet (GYPSY RSE)Handbag, compact mirror, candlestick (MS. SCARLET)Backpacks, notebooks and pens (HENRIETTA, LEE)

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Magnifying glass (WILEY)Bag with hole in bottom (OLIVER)Wire leash, telescope, handkerchief (BBQ BOB)Large umbrella (AGENT 98)Small water gun, metal pen (MAXIMUM)Large metal horseshoe (KAT)

BROUGHT ON, Scene Six:Set of cards in small envelope (MS. SCARLET)Tray with tea cups, cell phone (WILLIAM)

COSTUMESQUEEN wears a crown.JULIA and MAGGIE wear aprons with large pockets.WILLIAM wears all black until Scene Six, where he should be dressed

in his butler attire—possibly just change to a white shirt.OLIVER wears fancy socks. In Scene Five he wears large boots.WILEY wears shoes with laces.SCARLET is dressed all in red, with lots of jewelry and high-heeled

shoes.MAGGIE and SCARLET wear easily removable shoes.BBQ BOB is dressed sloppily, shirt untucked and misbuttoned.CHANGE wears a long Chinese robe.NANCY and JAMIE wear conservative, neat clothing.KAT also wears conservative clothing.�[�~[��+~<��^��'��}��}�}�~}��~��<��"��

detectives.PROFESSOR wears a watch.HENRIETTA and LEE wear matching school uniforms.

SOUND EFFECTSSneaking around music (optional), news music, cell phone ring, thunder, mysterious music, crazy cell phone ring.

SPECIAL EFFECTSFlashing lights for lightning.The TV screen in Scene Four is a large cardboard frame that can be held in front of the actor speaking to make it look like he/she is on television. It might be necessary to have light wood slats on the back of the frame to help stabilize it.

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STAY WITHIN A REASONABLE BUDGET.Our affordable scripts offer straightforward costuming, trouble-free props and stage effects, and sets that can be as simple or as elaborate as you desire.

MAINTAIN CONTROL OF YOUR CASTING.We help you tailor your play for your specific cast size, not the other way around.

BE ORIGINAL.Get access to fresh, new musicals that let your actors practice true character development instead of simply mimicking Disney or the musicals that are done over and over again.

ENJOY FLEXIBLE PRODUCTION OPTIONS.All Pioneer Drama plays and musicals can be licensed for traditional, livestreamed, recorded, or online performances. Once you’ve set up your royalties, you can switch your performance type with no restrictions if your plans change.

DIRECTORS LOVE PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE

by janie downey maxwell - pioneer drama

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