buster's odyssey - from hollywood to the white house to the curb

8/8/2019 Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood to the White House to the Curb

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The Story of Buster Keaton's Rise and Fall in Politics



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Contents

Chaplin vs. Keaton for President 4

President-Elect Keaton's 5-Point Program to Save America! 10

President-Elect Keaton Unveils His Cabinet: Welcome Team ASS-Backwa... 13

Team Ass-Backwards - Part II 16

Buster and Brown Eyes Move into the White House 20

Buster Meets the Media (and the Honeymoon is Over) - #5 of aSeries... 23

Keaton White House Update: Buster Struggles; The First Ladyas Fash... 25

SCANDAL Rocks the Keaton Administration! #7 in a series of 7 28



Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb

Chaplin vs. Keaton for President

Saturday, September 25, 2010Politics got you down? Forget about those nastyDemocrats and Republicans. Two of the silentcinema's greatest artists have thrown their hats inthe ring! America - watch out!The Porkpie

VS. The DerbyMeet the CandidatesCharlie Chaplin Political Party The Silent SocietyPlatform "I am for people. I can't help it."Motto "A day without laughter is a day wasted."On Immigration Charlie likes immigrants. In fact, hewas one once.O n t he E co no my C ha rl ie b el ie ve s t ha tmanufacturing is the way out of the recession.

Americans must roll up their sleeves, jump right inthere and make things!On Foreign Relations Charlie believes weare all citizens of his world!But he has a special relationship with theFrench:Running Mate and Cabinet Charlie willsurround himself with trusted friends andadvisorsFirst Lady Edna PurvianceMilitary Service Served as an Army Privatein WWI:

O th e r J o bs L a w E n fo r ce m en t ,C o ok ,MusicianHobby HorticulturePotential Scandal Has done jail time; hasbeen known to dress in women's clothesWhy you should vote for meCharlie Chaplinin his own words "I remain just one thing,and only one thing, and that is a clown. Itplaces me on a far higher plane than anypolitician."Buster Keaton:Political Party The Deadpan ProletariatPlatform 2x4, pineMotto "Think slow and act fast."On Immigration Buster believes the desertneeds wate r On the EconomyBus ter believes that repairing our infrastructure

and strengthening our rail system will boost the economyOn Foreign Relations Buster thinks it's good for Americans to learn about other cultures Running Mate and Cabinet:Buster tends to be a one-man band and does not delegate. Buster takes fullresponsibility!First Lady Brown Eyes Military ServiceServed as a Confederate Soldier in the CSA and

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as a US Army Private in WWI (quite anaccomplishment)Other Jobs Architect, Deep Sea Diver,ProjectionistHobbies Sailing and Horseback RidingPotential Scandals Has done jail time; hasbeen associated with bomb-throwinganarchistsWhy you should vote for meBuster Keatonin his own words "Silence is of the gods;only monkeys chatter."Charlie or Buster? Let's stop all of thatnoisy chatter and get one of these menelected!Cast your vote in the voting boothto the right and 2 flights up (sorry. votinghas closed).

Posted by FlickChick at 06:41AM (-04:00)



Buster's Odyssey - From Hollywood To The White House To The Curb6




President-Elect Keaton's 5-Point Program to

Save America!Friday, October 15, 2010

President-Elect Keaton would l ike to t ake thi sopportunity to thank everyone who voted for him. Heknows, with your help, that he and the DeadpanProletariat can fix everything that is broken in our great Nation. His philosophy is: simple is best. So, nom or e v o lu mi no us b il ls a nd l aw s t ha t n o o neunderstands!Buster says it's time to cut through the you-know-whatget down to brass tacks! He believes that the futurecan be fixed by looking backwards to a simpler timewhen things worked better in America. By the way -none of this President Keaton stuff. Just plain oldBuster will do, thank you.Before Buster unveils his 5-Point Program to Save

America, "America's Simple Solutions - Backwards",o r ASS-Backwards , he'd like to reassureeveryone, especially those who did not votefor him, that he will conduct himself in amanner befitting the leader of the freeworld.Buster would also like to address some of those "unfounded" rumors:1. The Murder Charge:All Buster has to say is "I was framed."

2. The Bomb Thing:Just a misunderstanding that got a little out

of hand. In the future, Buster wants lawenforcement personnel used more wisely.

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Buster takes his new responsibility veryseriously and has put a lot of thought intohis new ASS-Backwards program.ASS-Backwards is based on 5 simpleprinciples:

1. Honesty is the Best PolicyBuster promises to speak out of only oneside of his mouth at a time.

2. War is BadBuster has looked deeply into this issue

and has concluded that a person could gethurt. That's bad.

3. Health Care is Not Complicated andShould be Available to Everyone

An annual check-up, some chicken soupand lots of exercise is a good prescriptionfor body and mind.

Football, Basketball and other sports are

good, but Baseball is best !

4. Education is ImportantBuster was class valedictorian and is proud of his High School diploma.

5. Everyone Should Go to the Movies More Often.Buster believes that everyone could use a little more cinematic joy in their lives (and that

40 cents is a fair price).See? Simple!

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Bu st er p le dg es a c le an s we ep o fWashington and an ASS-Backwards future!More Buster coming soon. Follow his f i rs t100 days:* Buster picks his cabinet* B u s t e r a n d B r o w n E y e s m o v e i n to t h e

W h i te H o u s e* The First Lady as a fashion icon* Buster deals with Congress* Buster puts America back to work* And More!

Posted by FlickChick at 09:58PM (-04:00)

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President-Elect Keaton Unveils His Cabinet:

Welcome Team ASS-Backwa...Friday, October 29, 2010

President-Elect Keaton, or Buster as he prefers to becalled, has named one half of his cabinet. "I am proudto introduce the f i rs t members of Team ASS-Backwards (short for America's Simple Solutions-Backwards) to the nation. Together I know we can get

America back on the right track!"

Here are Buster's hand-picked selections:

Vice-President: Roscoe "Fatty" ArbuckleRoscoe has always supported Buster in more ways

than one. Buster has full confidence in Roscoe andstates "Roscoe Arbuckle personifies the ASS-Backwards American!"

Secretary of State: Mary PickfordMary is a woman loved by the world. If anyone can make everyone behave, it's Mary!

Secretary of the Treasury: Douglas FairbanksBuster saw "Robin Hood" and concurs with its fiscal policy.

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Secretary of Education: Stan Laurel and OliverHardyHere we get 2 for 1. The duo's experience in

higher education makes them uniquely qualifiedto inspire American youth to greater heights.

Secretary of Transportation: Mabel NormandMabel knows how to get around in style.

Secretary of Energy: Ben TurpinBen is full of energy (real and manufactured)!

Secretary of Defense: Harry HoudiniBuster thinks Harry's unique skills might come

in handy in a pinch.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Theda BaraBuster figures that if any Vets want to have

an affair, Theda is the woman for the job.

More Buster coming soon. Follow his f i rs t1 0 0 d a y s : * B u s t e r p i c ks t h e r e s t o f h iscab ine t* B u s te r m e e ts t h e m e d i a ( a n d i t a i n 'tpretty)* Buster and Brown Eyes move intot he W h it e H o u s e * T h e F ir st L a dy a s afashion icon* Buster deals with Congress*Buster puts America back to work

*SCANDAL!* And More! ***LATE BREAKING NEWS***Buster reached across the aisle to Silent Societycandidate Charlie Chaplin and offered him the position ofSecretary of Labor.

At first, Mr. Chaplin was not in a conciliatory mood.But Charlie is not a sore loser or the type to stay mad

long. He considered the pros and cons of Buster's offer.

Pros: He has been a working manand has long been a supporter of organized labor.Cons:

Charlie really hates to work

And so, Buster created a new position: Secretary of theCinema . The Secretary of the Cinema will travel thenation and the globe promoting the universal language

and love of all movies.

Mr. Chaplin eagerly accepted and can't wait to get started! In fact, many say this is the job he wanted all along. Buster said, "I know I picked the right man for the job!"

The New Secretary of the Cinema: This is the job I was born for!Posted by FlickChick at 08:20PM (-04:00)

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Team Ass-Backwards - Part II

Friday, November 12, 2010As President-elect Buster prepares to take office, he is pleased to announce the rest of

the members of his cabinet - Team Ass-Backwards!(A brief recap for those who have been out of the country: Buster Keaton defeated

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Charlie Chaplin in a very close Presidential election.President-elect Keaton, believing we can solve the problems of the present by looking backwards, then revealed his 5-point plan to save America called "America's Simple Solutions - Backwards" or ASS- Backwards for short. All of this ground-breaking history is documented in earlier posts) Buster's previously announced cabinet choices were:* Vice President: Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle* Secretary of State: Mary Pickford* Secretary of the Treasury: Douglas Fairbanks, Sr.* Secretary of Education: Laurel & Hardy* Secretary of Transportation: Mabel Normand* Secretary of Energy: Ben Turpin* Secretary of Defense: Harry Houdini

* Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Theda Bara* Special Post: Secretary of the Cinema: CharlieChaplin

The following choices round out his circle of advisors. Although all will be his trusted associates andcolleagues, Buster wants the American public toknow that the buck always stops with him!

Secretary of Agriculture - Greta GarboMs. G loves to grow things.And she loves fruits and vegetables

Secretary of Commerce - Clara BowClara knows what sells, is not afraid to take a chanceand she can sure rake in the big bucks!

Secretary of Health and Human Services - MaryMiles Minter

Mary has experience playing a nurse andis a very compassionate person.

S ec re ta ry o f H ou si ng a nd U rb anD ev el op me nt - H ar ol d L lo ydBuster really snagged a big one here!Harold has his finger on the pulse of thecity

Secretary of the Interior - Tom MixTom has probed every inch of this nation's

interior.

Secretary of Justice - Mack SennettBuster knows Mack and his Keystone Kops can mete out justice!Buster has cautioned Mr. Sennett to leave the Bathing Beauties at the beach. No

scandals before he takes office!

Secretary of Labor - Gloria Swanson

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Gloria understands the daily plight of theworking person.

Buster acknowledges that our country isexperiencing some stormy weather at themomentbut is confident that, with the American public's

help, he can steer the ship of state to a safe, ASS-Backwards harbor. GO TEAM ASS-BACKWARDS!***** NEWS FLASH *****Buster Keaton takesthe Oath of Office. It's official! It's now PresidentBuster! More Bus te r coming soon . Fo l low h isfirst 100 days:* Buster meets the media (and itain't pretty)* Buster and Brown Eyes m ove into

the White House* The First Lady as a fashion icon*B u s t er d e a ls w i th C o n g re s s * B u s t e r p u t s A m e r ic ab a c k t o w o r k* SCANDAL!* And More!Posted by FlickChick at 07:21PM (-05:00)

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Buster and Brown Eyes Move into the WhiteHouse

Friday, November 26, 2010The big day has arrived! President Busterand his blushing bride, Brown Eyes, finallytake occupancy of 1600 PennsylvaniaAvenue (check older posts to see how this

happened!). As you can imagine, both were extremelyexcited, proud and honored to be the latestresidents of the White House. Here's anintimate peek at their new life inside thenation's first home.

Both Buster and the new First Lady wanted to look their very best on moving day.

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It was a bit intimidating from the outside,but once inside, Buster quickly madehimself comfortable.Being President has its perks! Brown Eyes

has some "special needs" and is having theQu ee n' s R oo m d on e o ve r to h er s p e c i f i c a t i o n s .She has even taken to designing her own

furniture.To accommodate their busy schedules,both Buster and Brown Eyes hired Social

Secretaries. Brown Eyes has hired the highly qualified Elsiethe Cow to assist her with her daily activities. Her "pet"project will be The Milk Fund.

Buster has hired a young lady by the name of NatalieTalmadge. Natalie comes highly recommended and Buster has a good feeling about her.Now that they have settled in, Buster and Brown Eyes

can't wait to start serving the American public!

**** EXTRA!!!****Buster and Brown Eyes:A Love StoryBuster and Brown Eyes ("Bruster" or "B&B" as the presshas dubbed them) wish to share a bit of their love story andhoneymoon photos with America. "We are just your

average in-love married couple," saidBuster. Brown Eyes mooed in assent.

A brief history of the love story of Buster

and Brown Eyes:

Buster discovers Brown Eyes pole dancingin a bar called Cow-a-Bunga.

B ro wn E ye s h ad h er h ea rt s et o n aBroadway career, but it was love at firsts ig ht ! B ot h k ne w t ha t t he y w er e a nunconventional couple, yet love conqueredall.

Soon a fte r, B&B marr ied and took a

honeymoon out west. After an idyllichoneymoon, they settled down in their littlehouse in Hollywood and the rest, as theysay, is history. Both have encountered their share of prejudice as result of their "mixedmarriage," but Buster and Brown Eyesremain firm their devotion to one another."Nothing will ever come between me and

my Brown Eyes," sighed Buster. More Buster coming soon. Follow his first 100 days:*Buster meets the media (and i t a in ' t pret ty)* The First Lady as a fashion icon* Buster

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deals with Congress* Buster puts America back towork* SCANDAL!* And More!Posted by FlickChick at 01:43PM (-05:00)

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Buster Meets the Media (and the Honeymoon isOver) - #5 of a Series...

Monday, December 06, 2010President Buster had an especially bruisingweek as he held his first press conferenceand made the rounds to various "news"stations. (For those who have been out of the country, Buster Keaton defeated Charlie Chaplin for President. He has been sworn in, picked a cabinet made up of some famous faces, moved into the White House with his bride, Brown Eyes, and is now rolling up his sleeves and putting his

ASS-Backwards (America's Simple Solutions - Backwards) Plan to work!).

First up: the media on the right. Buster agreed to be interviewed by a well known right-leaning pundit, who accused Buster of being a leftist, communist liberal who pals aroundwith known anarchists. "What are you?" he asked Buster. "Are you a freedom loving true

American or are you an anti-American tax and spend liberal socialist?"Buster tried to respond, but was unable to get a word in before time was up.

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He then made an appearance on a left-leaning program, whose pundit accusedh im o f b ei ng a r ig ht -w in g f as ci streactionary. "What are you?" asked thepundit. "Are you a freedom loving true

American or are you a millionaire - lovingshill for big business?"

Buster tried to respond, but was unable toget a word in before time was up.Buster vowed to do better at his press

conference and spent a great deal of time boning upon current events. However, the press was hungry for Buster's hide. It seemed that they blamed Buster for everything and wanted him to fix everything NOW! Helooked out into a sea of angry faces.....Buster asked them to have patience and to give the

ASS-Backwards Plan a chance to work, as he just gotthe job, but the press simply shouted:

Americans are out of work!There are too many illegal immigrants!We are not safe from our over-seas enemies!We are not safe from our home-grown enemies!Taxes are too high!Wages are too low!Gas costs too much!

Are you a Democrat? Are you a Republican? Are you a Liberal?

Are you a Conservative?

President Buster, again, tried to reply, but wasunable to finish a sentence. Finally he snapped andyelled:"I invite every one of you who has a better idea toput your money where your mouth is and come andhelp me and work with me and take responsibility for the success or the failure of your plan!"At last, there was a deafening silence.

It was not all bad news for President Buster. The

public, for now, still supported him. In fact,a small video of a young fan pleading for everyone to "Stop Picking on Buster!" wasmaking the rounds:The fact that this young fan was not oldenough to vote was a bit problematical, butBuster appreciated the support. As long ast he p ub li c w as w it h h im , h is " AS S-B ac k wa rd s " P la n h a d a c h an c e.

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Wearily, Buster went home to the WhiteHouse. He longed for some quality timewith Brown Eyes, but she was nowhere tobe found. Ugly rumors of her long hoursspent with her bodyguard, Elmer the Bull,had reached Buster, but he paid them nomind. Instead, he ate a lonely dinner andprepared for his meetings with the Ford,C oc a -C o la a n d S o ny C om p an i es t odevelop a plan to get Americans back towork. Buster thought it was worth investingthe tax-payers' money in some privatebusiness enterprises in order to createmore jobs.The Edsel, New Coke and something

called a Betamax all seemed like sure betsto get Americans back on the job again. Hewas hopeful......

More Buster coming soon. Follow his f i rs t100 (and last) days:* The First Lady as af a sh io n i co n * S C A N D A L ! ( a nd a d r ea md i e s ) * A n d M o r e !

Posted by FlickChick at 07:05PM (-05:00)

Keaton White House Update: Buster Struggles;

The First Lady as Fash...Saturday, January 01, 2011

"This job has really aged me." While poor PresidentBuster continued to be hounded from the left, right,center and rear, First Lady Brown eyes captured theimagination of the American and worldwide fashionscene.

Buster "bet the ranch" and his political future onthree new projects to revitalize the Americaneconomy.

First: The BetamaxThis proved a little too complicated Next, Buster

demonstrated the "new Coke" to a group of college students

But, that didn't work out too well, either.

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Buster's last hope was pinned on a new"green" car by Ford. Everything was ridingon it!

Things just weren't looking up for Buster.He decided to confer with his Cabinet.

Meanwhile, following in the footsteps of other First Ladies, Brown Eyes became afashion trend setter. American women

looked to her for the latest in fashion inspiration.

Like many gals, brown eyes changed her hair color. While once a brownette, good friend (andSecretary of State) Mary Pickford had long talksand took many long walks with Brown Eyes,strategizing about her appearance.It was Mary who convinced Brown Eyes todevelop a more sophisticated look and decidedthat a change in hair color would make all thedifference!

She became a multi-toned black and white.Women were inspired to copy her new look: Notonly did women copy her hair color, they also

emulated other aspects of her appearance:Shoes Boots with a western theme Anudderly adorable knit cap Baby bottle

Another cow-capUnmentionables (The President did notapprove!)Baby's ensemble School children show

their support Not only was poor Buster hounded by the press, the Congress andthe people, Brown Eyes was too busybasking in the spotlight to provide any

comfort to her husband (and she seemed to be spending a lot of time with Elmer theBull).Buster was feeling about as low as can be, but he figured things just couldn't get worse,could they? Now, what was his Cabinet up to?

Up Next:THE END: SCANDAL! IMPEACHMENT! BACK TO HOLLYW OOD!Posted by FlickChick at 11:14AM (-05:00)

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While Secretary of Urban Affairs HaroldLloyd was not embroiled in a scandal, hedid manage to break some very largem un i ci pa l s tr u ct u re s , c o st in g t h egovernment money and causing theadminis t ra t ion embarrassment .

Secretary of the Treasury, Clara Bow , took sometime off and lost the monthly social security budget.Secretary of Justice Mack Sennett was spendingmore time with his Bathing Beauties instead of hisKops. Carloads were seen coming and going on aregular basis from his residence.Secretary of Defense Harry Houdini claimed thatt he e nt ir e D ef en s e B ud g et j us t m ag ic a ll ydisappeared!But Buster found that the Cabinet has beendiverting funds to another cabinet!To make matters worse, Brown Eyes had left him

for Elmer the Bull.The rest of the Cabinet quit in disgust. Buster was

despondent.

Congress and America called for impeachment .However, before hearings could begin, a force greater than Washington stepped in. The Hollywood Mogulsmade a deal with the politicians: let Buster return toHollywood to make movies and just pretend this never happened and the Democrats and the Republicanscould regain control of the nation. Both parties took aminute to think about this and said "Done Deal!"

And so it was that Buster packed his bags and movedout of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

I t had al l been a gruel ing experience. Back in

Hollywood again, Buster just needed some rest. Just asa he felt himself drifting off into a peaceful sleep, there

was a gentle hand on his shoulder. His wife, Natalie, was shaking him, telling him that itwas time to get up and go to work at the studio. After all, he had to work to support thelavish lifestyle she was accustomed to.Was it all a dream? It seemed so real. But, there was no evidence of a cow in residence

and it was Natalie as his bride in the picture frame by the bedside.Buster vowed to lay off the hootch.

As he was getting ready to leave for a day of movie-making, Natalie reminded Buster thattoday was Election Day and asked if he going to vote.

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Buster thought long and hard. "No, Dear," saidBuster. "I think I'll pass this year."Posted by FlickChick at 06:13PM (-05:00)

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buster's odyssey - from hollywood to the white house to the curb

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