Burris Elementary School"Mrs. Stephanie Hardman, School Counselor"

of self-confidence, or depression. In the most extreme exam-ples, bullying has been linked to violent behavior or suicide.

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Jadl sits quietly at Itlllch while his jliellds laugh ata classmate who has a learnillg disahility. Katie doesll'twallt to go to schoolhecause she says other girls tease herabout her glasses. a'l the basllethall court, Christopheralld his huddies repeatedly trip a youllger boy.

These childrell are all affected hy bullyillg. Alld whetheryour child is a witlless, a victim, or a hully, it's iii/ely thatshe has beell touched hy the prohlem at some POillt, too.So what CCll] a parellt do? Here are allswers to commollquestiolls ahout bullyillg.

BullyingQ&A's

r::l:"fy SOli alld his I,iellds. tease cach other a lot. Is

that bullyillg?

fJ Playful teasingthat takes placeamong friends usu-ally isn't consid-ered bullying. Agood rriend knows

ir his buddy has hadenough and no longer thinks the joking is funny. Bullying, onthe other hand, is mean spiri ted and is not ajoke to the vic-tim. In addition, a bully is persistent and has an advantageover his victim. For instance, he might be bigger, older, ormore popular. Examples or bullying include making threats,name calling, pushing, or punching. All these behaviors-verbal and physical-should be taken seriously.

r::ll'"e beell hearillg a lot ahout bullyiJlg leae/y. Is it /IIoreji-e-quclI( these days?

fJ Although it's not clear that bullying is on the rise. it'strue that the problem is getting morc attention as we learnabout its serious consequences for both bullies and victims.For instance, youngsters who bully other children are morelikely to get into trouble with the law as adults. And victimscan surrer from poor grades. increased school absences, lack

r::l Why d" llids bully each "Iher?

fJ Experts used to believe that most bul-lies had low selr-esteem and that theyhurt others to reel better about them-selves. While this docs happen, it isalso common ror popular childrento be bullies. They're motivated bysocial power, and they take advan-tage or less popular kids to gaineven more po\ver. rOT instance, awell-liked youngster might decidewho gets to jump rope during recessor where other kids can sit at lunch.On the other hand, a less popularchild might bully others in anerrort to gain more rriends. I[ aclassmate doesn't do what she says,she might push her or call her names.

r::l What sh""ld lilYy"""gstcr d" if.lhe witllesses b"lIyillg?

fJ Bullies love a crowd, so the best thing your child can do isto pay attention to the victim and ignore the bully. Ir someone isbeing physically attacked, your youngster should tell the nearestadult. If a classmate is being teased, your child might walk upand ask the child to play. Let your youngster know that youunderstand it takes courage-but ir she stands up to a bully,others might, too. "Dp: Be sure to explain the difference betweenreporting a bully and tattling: telling is to help get someone outor trouble, and tattling is to get someone ill trouble.

colltillued

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way?") It's likely thatyour youngster is beingexcluded rrom a cliquethat she wants to be apart or. You can gentlysuggest that she makerriends \\ith childrenwho treat peoplekindly Also, she couldattend an after-school

activity to find rriends whoshare her interests. Tip: Ask a librarian ror

books about children who struggle to make rriends. Knowingthat other youngsters go through the same thing can helpher reel less alone, and she can read about ways to buildfriendships.

r:l r I",ow that cyberlJllllyillg i.< a hig I'rohlem (1/I101lg "lder I,ids.Do I /Iced to won)' about it 'lOW?

[J Keeping an eye on your child's online acti,ities is one ofthe best ways to prevent cyberbullying. II you have a com-puter at home, keep it in a common area (kitchen, livingroom) rather than in your youngster's bedroom. Also, con-sider writing a list of rules ror using the Internet. For example,your daughter might not beallowed to visit chat roomsor social networking sites.You might "bookmark"a list of safe sites 0

and tell her shecan't visit otherpages \\ithout yourpermission. And explainthat if she ever seessomething that upsetsher Of makes her uncom-rortable, she should tellyou right away.

[:] I overhcard my ~Oll wul his Jlictlds threatening atlother childal the I'laygroulld. How should I halldle this?

[J Ask your SOil how he would reel if he was the ehild beingthreatened. Let him know that his behavior is unaceeptable,and tell him what the consequences will be if it continues.Also, help your youngster become more empathetic by talkingregularly about others' reelings ("Your brother is disappointedthat his football team lost, so let's try to cheer him up"). Lookaround ror role models ("That actor helped rebuild houses rorpeople who were in a flood"). Also, consider getting involvedin community serviee as a ramily. Your son might read to chilodren at a shelter, serve rood in a soup kitchen, or walk for acause like autism or cancer research.

-I

r:l My daughter has been unhappy lardy. She filially told "'e it'sbecause her classmates dO/l't want her around. Is there anythingI(£.In do?

[JWhen a child is repeatedly left out on purpose, it is a rormof bullying. First, ask specific questions to learn what is goingon. ("Where is this happening?" "Who is treating you this

r:l How will/illtow if lilY child is being 1",lIied?

[J Youngsters olten keep bullying a secret because they areashamed or are afraid the bully ",ill punishthem ror telling. Try bringing up the subject",ith your child. You can ask him generalquestions like "Is bullying a problem at yourschoo!?" or "Have you ever seen anyone

being hullied?" Also, know therisk raetors-children

who are ovenveight,have a disability, orarc perceived asdirrerent are ortentargets. Finally, beaware of the warningsigns. Keep in mind

that you might not see bruises. More rrequently, a victim ",i\lavoid favorite activities, ask to stay home rrom school, mis-behave, lose belongings ,vith no explnnation, or come home,vith tom or messed-up papers or books.

~ My 5011 doestJ't want to go to school becausehids ma}le JUtl of ills ~'I!eight.How ca/1 I teachhi", to stand up for hi ",self?

[J \Vhile your son can learn strategiesror standing up to his classmates,bullying isn't usually a problemthat a young.."itcr can handlealone. He will probablyneed adult help to solvethe problem in the longrun. Consider calling ormeeting \-vith his tcacher orschool counselor. She mightsuggest a SUpp0f{ group or anolder student-a bullying "survivor"-who can share hisexperiences with your child. In the meantime, tell your sonthat most hullying takes place when adults aren't looking, andhelp him plan ahead. ("Who are you going to play with atrecess today?" "Where will you sit on the bus?") Finally, tellyour son to think "SAFE": 2ay what you reel, ~k ror help,Dnd a rriend, I;xit the area. When someone bullies him, hecan tTY one or morc of those strategies. For example, he mightsay, "I don't want to hear this," and walk away.

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