brads adventure egypt
DESCRIPTION
This is the fifth slideshow in a 7-part presentation. It's about Brad and Adam's trip through Egypt.TRANSCRIPT
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Things were moving awfully slow on the ship.
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Adam was so frustrated with sea daysHe pretended to put his fist through the wall.
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I was so bored, I started having conversations with the other people on the ship.
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We did have a lot of laundry to do, though.We were lucky the ship gave us a washer...
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And a dryer.
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So we got off the boat and went through the terminal...
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And Wow! Egypt actually looked kind of pretty.
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I was actually expecting a hell hole due to the stories I’d heard.
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Oh wait! I spoke to soon.
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Still, I’d never seen anything like it.I felt like I was in a theme park!
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Adam and I came in through the port of Alexandria.
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Our plan was to take a train to Cairo, stay there a night, then get back to Alexandria in time to board the boat.
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While trying to get to the train station, we got harassed by a cab driver named Emir.
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He made us take pictures with him to prove he “wasn’t going to kill us.” Then he followed us for 30 minutes.
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Egypt’s street were very hectic.
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No Lanes
No Crosswalks
No Stop Signs
No Traffic Lights
Reckless Disregard
for Pedestrians
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Car crashes are very common in Egypt. I only saw one.
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Adam and I realized we had no Egyptian money,so before we went to the train station...
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We stopped at the cleanest place in Alexandria: the Bank!We gave them 100 dollars and got back 500 pounds.
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Then I caved and we took a cab to the station.
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It was pretty frightening, since the guy drove like I do when I play Grand Theft Auto on my Xbox 360.
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Our cabbie couldn’t speak any English, but he got us to where we needed to go.
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The Misr Train Station, Alexandria’s Premier Railway!
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Yikes.
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It took a while for Adam and I to find out where we could buy tickets, but we did it.
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Compared to everything else in Egypt, the place was pretty organized. Maybe because it’s run by the government.
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Do Egyptian railways have a better or worse reputation than Amtrak?
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Everything in Cairo looked just like it did in Alexandria,only more crowded.
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We arrived just in time for afternoon prayer.
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I stopped at the restroom. It cost me one Egyptian pound to get in. Everyone was washing their hands before prayer.
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The traffic was even worse in Cairo than it was in Alexandria.
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It’s the most intimidating city I’ve ever been in.
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Adam considered stopping here for sugar cane juice,but he eventually decided it wouldn’t be clean enough.
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Merchants are EVERYWHERE in Cairo. It seemed likeI could stretch my arms out at any time and hit one.
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This is Mooti. He pushed Adam and myself into a mini-bus and promised to lead us to the pyramids in Giza.
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Then Mooti dragged us into a kind-of motorized Rickshaw.He promised he’d treat us well because he was “a Bedouin.”
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“Cairo is the greatest city on Earth,” he said. “I am a Muslim, and I want to give you a good time.”
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“I will treat you to dinner. You can meet my wife and kids.”
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What are the odds that we’d meet such a nice person within moments of stepping into this city of 6 million?
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“See?” Mooti cried. “There are the pyramids! You can trust me!”
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Eventually we stopped off near an opening in the wall, and Mooti even paid the driver for us!
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Mooti introduced us to his friend Mohammed,and Mohammed gave us tea.
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We paid him the money and rode through the opening in the wall.
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Mohammed sent a guide with us.He was not very enthusiastic about his job.
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I can imagine how riding through a wasteland day after day is not the most inspiring career path.
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I was unsure about whether or not we’d get to the Pyramids,but I did know one thing: we wouldn’t eat with Mooti later.
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Just like Turkey and Greece, there are a lot of strays at Giza.I assume they were there to protect all of that nothing.
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My thoughts: “Is our tour guide going to kill us and rob us, or just rob us? I prefer the latter.”
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My paranoia wasn’t completely warranted, though,because we eventually found the pyramids.
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Do you see only one pair of footprints in the sand? It’s because G_d was carrying me. Also, He’s a horse.
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“Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!”- Milli Vanilli, 1989
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The first pyramid we saw was the Pyramid of Khafre,the second largest of the Giza Pyramids.
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The Pyramid of Khufu came into sight soon after(It’s on the left).
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Adam and I took this great opportunity to make Facebook profile pictures.
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Then Adam violently assaulted me while our horses performed a Vulcan mind-meld.
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In total, there are three pyramids in the Giza Necropolis.
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The Pyramid of Khufu is the most famous. It’s the largest,and it’s one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World.
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For those just joining us, this is a product of Photoshop. In real life, I’m morbidly obese and have a cleft nose.
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I saw many archaeological tents set up, but no one was working.
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There’s a cemetery next to the pyramids, which is probably an awesome place to be buried.
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Our tour guide told us the fence came up recently.Visitors kept ransacking the graves.
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This is Adam and our tour guide snorting crank off of a mobile phone.(Jokes. No lawsuits)
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“Why the long face, horse?”“I ride many miles every day across rocks in 90 degree weather.”“Oh.”
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Eventually our tour guide stopped, gave us a torn ticket to the Sphinx, and told us to go ahead. He did not come with us.
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Although no one’s really sure, some experts saythe Sphinx was built in 2,500 B.C. by the pharaoh Khafre.
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There were more non-Egyptians on the path to the Sphinx than I saw in my entire stay in Egypt.
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The platform next to the Sphinx was teeming with merchants.We saw a cop pull two pre-teen ones out by the ears.
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The Sphinx is 241 feet long and 66 feet tall.
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It lost its nose after French soldiers fired cannonballs at it.
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It’s not that unfortunate. After all,No nose is good nose.
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Frankly, I thought the Sphinx was overrated.Who cares about a cat dude? Only furries, and they suck.
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I asked someone else what it cost them to get into the Sphinx, and they said 30 pounds. Still, we had an adventure.
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I conferred with Adam, and we decided where we should go next.
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We wanted to go to the Great Pyramid of Khofu.
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It had a museum embedded into it!
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Our tour guide did not want to go that way, though.
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When we got back to him, he was paying off police.I still don’t know why.
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The road we took was super bumpy, and I felt bad for my horse.
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Close up, the pyramids were not what I expected to see.
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They really were just junky, dilapidated piles of rocks.
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The Khafre pyramid appears to be larger than the Khofu onebut it’s simply on a higher base. Also, it’s got a pointier tip.
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We saw what I would guess were the Egyptian boy scouts on the path to the Khafre pyramid. I was not prepared for that.
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There was an equal amount of riders on horseback and on… camelback.
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Adam and I did not climb the Khafre pyramid.
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Instead, we got onto the smallest one,the Pyramid of Menkaure.
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When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty,
I get the sensation of standing on top a pile
of old rocks!
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When we got pack to our tour guide, he was paying off policemen again.
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It was getting dark, so Adam and I decided it was time to leave.
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After tipping our tour guide (at his insistence), we said goodbye to the miracles of Giza...
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And tried to find a taxi so we could get to our hostel.
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We had trouble finding one. Everyone was going too fast!
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“If your truck has 20 men in it and you’re going 55 miles per hour, you might be Egyptian.”
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There are no dumps or dumpsters in Cairo. Citizens use parking lots and open land to deposit their trash.
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Eventually Adam and I caught a cab to a better part of town.
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Once there, we got a meal. I don’t know what this was, but it tasted incredibly adequate.
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We still weren’t near our hostel,so we walked around town trying to find another cab.
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We finally got one. He didn’t know English.His only language was SPEED.
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I got the senseEgyptians watch too many Vin Diesel movies.
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I was very scared.
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The cabbie dropped us off in a pretty urbane section of Cairo.
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Our hostel was the Jasmine Inn.
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We had to walk through a shady alleyway to find it,But it was pretty good.
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In the morning, they gave us a breakfast of oranges, eggs, and tea!
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The city looked much different during the day than at night.
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There were more mosques there than any other place I’ve ever been in my life.
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Though we had to take the train back to Alexandria, Adam and I went to the Khan el-Khalili Market before heading out.
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The Khan el-Halili is one of Egypt’s biggest bazaars.
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Everything sold there is overpriced crap, but haggling is allowed and even expected.
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This man is upset because he wanted to sell me “pure silver” ankhs for 200 Pounds, but I worked him down to 80.
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Anything you pay is probably way more than an item is worth. It takes five and a half pounds to equal a dollar, though.
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Adam bought a whole sack full of items, including an Egyptian cloak for his brother and jewelry for his sister.
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Unlike the Turkish market, every vendor “specializes” in what they sell.
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We could have spent all day there, but we had only 5 hours to get back to the ship, and it was in a city 3 hours away.
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Adam and I quickly walked out of the other end of the market and hailed a cab.
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I bought batteries from a beggar as I entered the vehicle.The brand was “Golden Cock.” They did not work.
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Our cabbie masterfully navigated us through Cairo at a reasonable speed.
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Perhaps he was going slower due to the lunchtime traffic.
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Unfortunately, by the time we got to the station, we found out that our only train into the city was “broken.”
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Desperate, Adam and I jumped into a mini-bus to Alexandria.
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Eleven other men joined us.
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The ride to Alexandria took about four hours.
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We saw many great sights along the way.
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Here is what I assume is the Egyptian equivalent of Truck Nuts.
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The checkpoint into Alexandria was extremely gimmicky.
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Once inside of Alexandria, we were hit by a weak sandstorm.
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This storm did not hide the city’s charms, however.
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After the mini-bus stopped, a man named Magdy Said offered to lead us back. “I am a Christian,” he said. “Trust me.”
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And he led us back!He also offered to buy us tea, but we declined. Nice guy!
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The port had a market, which gave us one last opportunity to play with our monopoly money.
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Once I got onto my bed, I thanked the Lord that I got out of Egypt alive.
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