THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO AVOIDING TRICK OR

TREATERS

….or hiding in closets for beginners….

INTRODUCTION

Halloween is a time that any self respecting tightwad should avoid-

almost more so than Christmas. At no other time is one forced to

have to buy small gifts for other peoples kids- at the threat of having

dog poop shoved through your letter box.

Here are my 5 top tips on how to avoid

having to give strangers candy….

DODGE #1T H E ‘ L I G H T S O F F ’ S T R AT E G Y

This one is simple. Just turn all your lights off and sit

in darkness for the entire evening of the 31st Oct.

This is actually great practice for when there is a

power cut and should be the first line of defense.

Hopefully people will not get as far as your door,

thinking you are out- so you will not have to repel

your borders. It is also great experience if you are

thinking of joining the submarine service- sit in the

dark and make no sound.

DODGE #2T H E O U T S P O O K T H E S P O O K S

For the slightly more advanced dodger, the

Outspooker Maneuver simply means playing them at

their own game. As soon as the door bell rings, run

out of the back door dressed as the spook of your

choice (I use just a white sheet with eye holes), and

join them at the front. Curse the ‘Crazy old guy’ with

‘wild eyes’ and the ‘big, wolf-like dog’ for not

opening the door. Then relax and watch people

slowly back away….

DODGE #3T H E D O U B L E O U T S P O O K

This is a more advanced (and therefore risky)

version of the previous dodge. When the door bell

rings, dress as a spook and simply run out of the

FRONT DOOR and into the night, making the

required noise of your chosen spook. This way the

people at your front door will think you are crazy

and hopefully not come back. The downside to this is

that if you leave your front door open, they can help

themselves to all your stuff.

DODGE #4T H E ‘ LU R C H ’

This is my favorite. You need to dress in some

clothes about 5 sizes too small. When the door bell

rings, open it and stand there staring blankly into

the distance- don’t say a word. It takes nerve as

people ask you for candy- but stick it out, and

hopefully they will not come back. Maybe throw in a

‘Yessssssssssssss……..’ when you first open the door.

DODGE #5B L A C K O P S

If all else fails, get hold of some camo gear and on

Halloween night hide in a pile of mossy twigs in the

front garden. When anyone approaches your

property, play old episodes of ‘Scooby Doo’ through a

tape layer as loud as possible. Not only will the

noises of a selection of ghouls chill them to the

core….. After a few minutes they will find the lighter

side when they realize that the janitor did it just to

keep people away from the old diamond mine.

What tips do

you have?