avi assor ben-gurion university of the negev, israel

The Power of Conditional Parental Regard:

How the Experience of Mothers’ Contingent Love Shapes Our Parenting Behavior across Time, Temperament and Communication Channels.

Avi Assor

Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, Israel

The longitudinal study reported in this talk was conducted with Yaniv Kanat-Maymon & Judith Auerbach as a senior collaborators, and with the following members of the BGU research group: Pazit Gabay-Elgy, Moran Cohen-Iluz, Orly weinish-Licht, Dotan Shapira, Carmen Chen & Ohad Ezra. The second study was conducted with Marina Shapira, Dotan Shapira and Gabi Johnson. Thanks also to Guy Roth for his valuable and ever present advice. Parts of the research funded by grants from ISF and BSF

“Still today I ask myself… if I did not spend so many

days and so many nights, if I did not cover with ink so

many pages, if I did not throw into the book market so

many books that nobody cared for – only out of the

crazy hope to please my grandfather”

Jean Paul Sartre: The Words

Conditional positive regard (CPR): The provision of more affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations.

“My father shows me more affection than he usually does if I do well in school (when I conceal my sadness and do not cry)"

Conditional Negative Regard (CNR):The provision of less affection, appreciation or attention than usual when children comply with parents' expectations.

"My father shows me less affection than he usually does if I don’t do well in school (when I cry and show that I am

sad)".

The practice of Conditional parental regard is domain specific. For example, in academic, anger suppression, pro-social domains.

CPR is related to CNR, but each has distinct correlates.

Positive Views of Parental Positive Views of Parental Conditional RegardConditional Regard::

From a behaviorist perspective, conditional regard might represent the contingent administration of reinforcements and punishments, which is expected to improve discrimination between desired and undesired behaviors (Gewirtz & Pelaez-Nogueras, 1991; McDowell, 1988).

SDT research-based view of CR: 4 Types of Harmful Effects

Rigid & low quality functioning(in the domain on which parents’ regard was contingent and in related domains)

Introjected internalization of parent’s expectations: Sense of internal compulsion

Parental Conditional Regard(PCR)

Harm relationship w parents & others

Fragile, unstable & contingent self esteem

Missing Evidence in the Study of PCR

Despite clear indications that PCR is associated with maladaptive child and parent functioning there are some important missing links in the study of CR.

Some of these gaps also exist in relation to the larger constructs of parental control and autonomy Support.

This talk will briefly present studies addressing Two missing links:

1.What disposes parents’ to use PCR and how powerful are those disposing factors ? There is evidence by Soenens et al & Grolnick & Assor & Roth on Contingent SE. We focus on 2 other factors.2.How is PCR communicated? We examine an additional channel called indirect Vicarious PCR which, while powerful is also elusive

Parental Conditional Regard OrientationParental Conditional Regard Orientation: :

What do we know on the factors disposing What do we know on the factors disposing

Parents to use PCR with their kids? Parents to use PCR with their kids?

Based on SDT it is reasonable to assume that certain past experiences, as well as values and self-dynamics, and a certain type of world view may dispose parents to use PCR with their children.

In this presentation I focus on two of this disposing factors:

- Perception of one parents as using PCR

- Extrinsic Values

Perception of one parents as using PCR:

Intergenerational Transmission

Assor, Roth & Deci (2004 ) found inter-generational transmission of PCR. So that mothers describing their own mothers as using PCR were perceived by their daughters using the same PCR practice.

Mom perception of Mom perception of her mom as using her mom as using PCRPCR

Daughter Daughter perception of perception of mom as using mom as using PCRPCR

3 Gaps in the study of the the effects of moms’ experience effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR of their own moms as using PCR : :

““Difficult Child”Difficult Child”

1. Reversed Causality: Having a difficult child may cause parents to use more PCR (& other controls) which they then project retrospectively on their own parents.

Mom reports Mom reports PCR from her PCR from her own momown mom

Mom uses Mom uses PCR with PCR with her childher child

Retrospective Projection

Missing evidence in the study of the effects of moms’ the effects of moms’ experience of their own moms as using PCR experience of their own moms as using PCR : :



Only for children who are at least a bit “difficult” - Not low on Frustration Dysregulation ?

3. Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”:

2. Evidence NOT based on behavior observations: Assessment of PCR-based controlling mom behavior based on only on daughter & mom reports:



So perhaps the link disappears for chidlren with an “easy” temperament?

3. Mom experience of PCR from own mom may NOT lead to the use of PCR with child when child is “easy”:

A second source of PCR: Extrinsic Values

According to SDT we can expect:

There is evidence that people who are high on extrinsic values behave in more manipulative and Machiavellian way. But there are no studies directly testing this hypothesis.

The present research will attempt to fill this gap

Parent adherence to Parent adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values such as status & such as status & formal achievementsformal achievements

Parent use of Parent use of Achievement oriented Achievement oriented PCR with child to PCR with child to promote child’s & promote child’s & parents statusparents status

MOM

Perception of own mom as using PCR to promote achievement

2-4 month before birth

CHILD FrustrationDysregulation& “easy” temp.attributes

Study 1a – Part of a much larger longitudinal Project

8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth

MOM

Controlling Ach - oriented behavior :

- Observed in a LAB teaching task

- Self - Reported behavior at HOME

MOM

Extrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values

Study 1a - Method

Participants:

142 mothers completed the relevant questionnaires at the three waves; 91 of them also participated in a Lab task assessing Ach oriented controlling behavior.

All mothers are in good physical health, no pregnancy complications, and no other children for both partners.

Data collection continues, aiming at 180 mothers in the lab task. And 240 completing the wave 3 questionnaire.

Study also involves fathers, but mot in the lab.The first session also includes an interview with each partner, responses to vignettes, and other scales.

,.

2-4 month before birth:

Expecting mother’s reported experience of her own mom as

using PCR to promote achievement (7 items, α = .87):

As a child or adolescent I felt that:

1. My mom’s love for me depended on me getting good grades.2. My mom’s love for me depended on me working hard at school.

3. Mom thought that if I fail at school this is also her failure


Expecting mother’s extrinsic value orientation

(Extrinsic values stronger than intrinsic values); 8 items, α =

.92):

1. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important to find an occupation that provides status and a nice income, and to that end - interest in one’s work should often be sacrificed

2. In order to live a life that is good and satisfying it is important, first of all, to find interest in what one does, whereas prestige or status are less interesting.


-Depressive feelings

-Social desirabity

-Structured interview and other instruments

8 month post birth:

Mother report of Child Frustration Dysregulation; 11

items, α = .82):

Child poor capacity to regulate frustration was assessed by the “Distress to Limitations” scale of the Infant Behavior Questionnaire – Revised (IBQ-R, Garstein & Rothbart ,2003).

“When my baby wants something and cannot not get it – she/he often gets very angry “.

"when something the baby was playing with had to be removed, s/he cry or show distress ofr a long time".

“When my baby is put in a place that restrains her/him, she/he very often resists or protests forcefully

8 month post birth:

Validation of the scale assessing Child Frustration

Dysregulation:

The self report scale was validated by correlating it with the arm-restraint procedure of the Lab-Tab (Laboratory Temperament Assessment, Goldsmith & Rothbart, 1996), a widely accepted procedure for assessing infant temperament in the lab.

Results showed a significant correlation between the self report scale and the lab assessment, a correlation that does not always appear.

Other temp. attributes assessed at 8 month post birth:

Mother report of Child positive affectivity (surgency):

When during play, the baby is “thrown” into the air, he often laughs

In a “peek a boo” play she often laughs

When given a toy she often smiles or laughs

8 month post birth:

Mother report of Child Approach Tendency:

When you visit a new place, your baby often gets excited by the opportunity to explore a new place

When you baby gets a new toy, she immediately tries to grab it

and start playing with it

8 month post birth:

Mother report of Child Regulatory Capacity:

Long Duration of Orienting

My baby often looks at a picture or a booklet for more than 5 minutes

My baby often plays with a toy or an object for 5 – 10 minutes

Enjoying small pleasures:

My baby often enjoys being read to

My baby often enjoys small rhythmic activities like being rocked

18 month post birth:

Self reported achievement – oriented PCR behavior at home (10 items, α = .91):

1. To increase my child will to play in games that develop thinking and concentration – I give her a really warm attitude each time she plays with such games.

2. If my child is not willing to listen when I teach her new words – I show her that I’m angry or sad.

3. To make my child pay attention to new words I teach him – I hug him or clap my hands each tine he answers my questions.

4. If my child does not want to concentrate when we play games that develop thinking – I make him feel that I am less proud of him

18 month post birth:

Observed Controlling achievement-oriented mother behavior in the Lab teaching task

Based partly on Grolnick et al (1984) and Whipple, Bernier & Mageau (2010).

Procedure: After a 5 minutes worm up free play period

including mother and child, the mother is presented with the

following instructions:

"In this part you are asked to demonstrate and teach ‘Child Name’ how to play with the shape sorter and then how to construct a tower of cubes.”

Task duration = 4 minutes

Scoring System: Controlling versus Autonomy Supportive Mother Behavior During Teaching Task (15 sec. intervals)

1.Timing of intervention (e.g., too early versus when there is a need)

2.Motor behavior (e.g., pushing child‘s hand , moving child forcefully vs. sensitive help[e.g., holding the sorter steady so child can succeed])

3.Verbal or affective behaviors (e.g., commands, threats, prohibitions, stern disapproving affect versus gentle suggestions expressed in a pleasant tone)

4.Perspective taking and empathy in response to child difficulties (e.g., criticism or impatience versus verbal or nonverbal acknowledgement of difficulty)

5. Provision of choice (absent versus present).

6. Feedback following success (e.g., no feedback, or hostile feedback versus positive producr- or effort-focused feedback).

MOTHER

Perception of own mom as using Ach-oriented PCR


CHILD

FrustrationDysregulation

Primary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by lab observations (n=91)

8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth MOTHER

Controlling Ach-oriented behavior in LAB teaching task

β = .21*

MOTHER


β = .24*

β = .08 MOTHER

Depressive feelings

β = .01

MOTHERPerception of own mom as using Ach-riented PCR


Secondary Analysis: Predicting mothers’ Ach-oriented control as indicated by mother reports on behavior at home (n=136)

8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth

MOTHERExtrinsic values stronger than Intrinsic values

CHILD

FrustrationDysregulation

MOTHERControlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME

MOTHERDepressive feelings

β = .25*

β = .20*

β = .25*

β = .16*

MOTHER



Important Replication across other temperament dimensions:8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth

MOTHER


MOTHER


MOTHER

Controlling Ach-oriented behavior at HOME

CHILD: “Easy” temperament 1”:

(Approach & Positive affect)

MOTHER



Important Replication across other temperament dimensions:8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth

MOTHER


MOTHER


MOTHER


CHILD: “Easy” temperament 2”:

(High regulatory capacity)

MOTHER



Summary of main findings across DV assessment methods:

8 monthpost birth

18 month post birth

MOTHER


MOTHER


MOTHER


Study 1 - ConclusionsStudy 1 - Conclusions

Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that:

a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother.

b.PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used

c.The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.

Study 1 - ConclusionsStudy 1 - Conclusions

Perhaps more interestingly, the study suggests that mothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCRPCR and her adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values may constitute early risk early risk factors factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning.

PARENT

Pre-natalConditional Regard (CR) Orientation:Percep. of own parents, values & world view, contingent S.E.

42 monthpost birthMastery &Free Play


CHILD Temperament:FrustrationDysregulation

The larger picture of the longitudinal Study & future directions :8 monthpost birth

18 monthpost birthMasterytasks

24 monthpost birthParentalRequests

PARENT

Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping

PARENT

Control (inc. PCR)CHILD Introjected response

CHILD Temperament:FrustrationDysregulation

PARENT

Control (inc. PCR) CHILD Poor coping

ENDEND

Study 2Study 2

The Multiple Appearances of Parental Conditional The Multiple Appearances of Parental Conditional

Positive Regard: Direct and Vicarious Conditional Positive Regard: Direct and Vicarious Conditional

Regard as Predictors of Labile Self-Esteem Regard as Predictors of Labile Self-Esteem

DynamicsDynamics

Marina Shapira, Ezra Ohad, Pazit Gabay-Elegy, Dotan Marina Shapira, Ezra Ohad, Pazit Gabay-Elegy, Dotan

Shapira, & Avi AssorShapira, & Avi Assor

Following the distinction between learning based on direct reinforcement & learning based on observations of others (social learning), we examine in this study two possible channels through which PCR might be communicated & learnt:

Direct Conditional Regard: Parent shows more regard to her/his child following the child’s academic achievement and investment.

Vicarious (implied) Conditional Regard: Parent shows increased regard to other children when they invest and achieve academically, which then causes the child to believe that his/her parent would love and value her/him more deeply if they too will achieve.

Direct versus vicarious Conditional Regard Direct versus vicarious Conditional Regard

Several studies suggest that Several studies suggest that direct PCR direct PCR creates a creates a pressuringpressuring, , fragile & labile self-evaluative dynamics fragile & labile self-evaluative dynamics in children (e.g., in children (e.g., Assor & Tal, 2012; Assor et al., 2004; Roth et al 2009):Assor & Tal, 2012; Assor et al., 2004; Roth et al 2009):

+

Direct Ach-

oriented PCR

toward self

Introjected

Achievement

Motivation aimed at securing parental regard

Self devaluation

after failure

+

+

Self

aggrandizement after success

We hypothesize that vicarious academic PCR has an additional We hypothesize that vicarious academic PCR has an additional contribution to introjected motivation (beyond direct PCR) because contribution to introjected motivation (beyond direct PCR) because it makes it even clearer that parent regard depends on achievement.it makes it even clearer that parent regard depends on achievement.

It is also possible that the experience of vicarious CR may create a It is also possible that the experience of vicarious CR may create a particularly pressuring introjected achievement motivation particularly pressuring introjected achievement motivation when the other person receiving CR due to achievement is one’s when the other person receiving CR due to achievement is one’s siblingsibling. .

In this situation, In this situation, children’s need to receive parental regard children’s need to receive parental regard through their achievements might be enhanced because of through their achievements might be enhanced because of concerns with position in the family, intensified experience of concerns with position in the family, intensified experience of relative need deprivation & jealousy issues. relative need deprivation & jealousy issues.

And indeed there is evidence that many children are concerned with And indeed there is evidence that many children are concerned with differential treatment in the family (e.g., Daniels & Plomin, 1985) differential treatment in the family (e.g., Daniels & Plomin, 1985)

Vicarious CR Involving SiblingsVicarious CR Involving Siblings

The figure below depicts our hypothesis concerning the unique The figure below depicts our hypothesis concerning the unique contribution of vicarious sibling-oriented PCR to labile self-contribution of vicarious sibling-oriented PCR to labile self-dynamics (above & beyond direct PCR) :dynamics (above & beyond direct PCR) :

+

Direct Ach-

oriented PCR

toward self

Introjected

Achievement

Motivation aimed at securing parental regard

Self devaluation

after failure

VicariousAch-

oriented PCR

toward Sibling

+

+

+

Self

aggrandizement after success

Two Studies focusing on parental conditional Two Studies focusing on parental conditional positive regard (PCPR)positive regard (PCPR)

Study 2a – Vicarious PCPR toward Sibling Study 2a – Vicarious PCPR toward Sibling

140 undergraduate students completed a self report questionnaire 140 undergraduate students completed a self report questionnaire

assessing the variables of interest. assessing the variables of interest.

Parental conditional positive regard Parental conditional positive regard : “As a child and : “As a child and

adolescent I felt that If I succeeded in school, my mother adolescent I felt that If I succeeded in school, my mother

will be more warm and affectionate towards me”.will be more warm and affectionate towards me”.

Parental conditional positive regard toward siblingParental conditional positive regard toward sibling: “: “As a As a

child and adolescent I felt that my mother appreciated my child and adolescent I felt that my mother appreciated my

sister/brother very much because he/she was successful in sister/brother very much because he/she was successful in

school. school.

χ2/df = 1.9; IFI=.94 ;CFI = .94; TLI =.9; RMSEA = .07.

PCPR towardssibling

.29*

.52**

PCPR towards self Introjecte

d motivatio

n

.33* .73***

.78***

Self aggrandizement followin

g success

Self devaluatio

n following

failure

Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward a Sibling as Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward a Sibling as Predictors of Introjected Motivation and Labile Predictors of Introjected Motivation and Labile Self-Esteem Self-Esteem ::

χ2/df = 1.48; IFI=.96 ; CFI = .96; TLI =.94, RMSEA = .067.

PCPR towards others

in general

.28*

.39**

Study 2Study 2: Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward : Direct and Vicarious PCPR toward Others Others

in in GGeneraleneral as Predictors of Labile Self Dynamics as Predictors of Labile Self Dynamics

PCPR towards

selfIntrojecte

d motivatio

n

.40** .82***Self

aggrandizement following

success

Self devaluatio

n following

failure

.87***

Our findings suggest that the negative effectsOur findings suggest that the negative effects

of PCPR might be evenof PCPR might be even more widespread than more widespread than

suggested by past research suggested by past research because these because these

effects operate both directly and indirectly through effects operate both directly and indirectly through

vicarious learning.vicarious learning.

Thus, parents who do not use direct PCPR in relation Thus, parents who do not use direct PCPR in relation

toto

their child may nevertheless promote negative their child may nevertheless promote negative

motivational and self esteem outcomes in their child motivational and self esteem outcomes in their child

through vicarious PCPR.through vicarious PCPR.

Conclusions:Conclusions:

Sibling oriented vicarious PCPR was not found to be Sibling oriented vicarious PCPR was not found to be

more more

harmful than others oriented vicarious PCPR. Not sure harmful than others oriented vicarious PCPR. Not sure

how to how to

interpret this. We need further research on this and interpret this. We need further research on this and

the exact the exact

dynamics underlying the effects of vicarious PCPR.dynamics underlying the effects of vicarious PCPR.

Conclusions:Conclusions:

Parents may need to be more aware of the way they demonstrate appreciation of academic achievements within and outside the family. For example, avoid extreme child-aggrandizing reactions,

Possible Implications:Possible Implications:

General conclusionGeneral conclusion

Study 1 indicates that the effect of mothers’ experience of their own moms use of PCR are robust & cannot be ascribed to methodological problems. Specifically, the study show that:

a. The effects mom’s perception of her mom PCR occur also when this variable is assessed prenatally, & hence cannot be ascribed to Reversed causality due to retrospective projection of mom present behavior to her own mother.

b.PCR-based controlling mother behavior was found also when direct observations were used

c.The effects of mom’s perception of her mom PCR emerge also when the effects of various child temperament dimensions are considered.

General conclusion: The Power & Robustness of CPRGeneral conclusion: The Power & Robustness of CPRThe two studies provide evidence for what my be called the power of CPR.

We found that expecting mothers’ pre-natal experience of her own mother use of PCRPCR and their adherence to extrinsic values extrinsic values may constitute early risk factors early risk factors predicting maladaptive post-natal mother functioning.

Importantly, these effects cannot be easily ascribed to methodological artifacts, they emerge also when different child temperament factors are considered and they affect mother observed behavior and not only her reports.

We also have some evidence that PCR may operate in multiple and sometime elusive ways via indirect vicarious PCR.

Study 1 – Possible ImplicationsStudy 1 – Possible Implications

- Using the scoring system of controlling versus autonomy supportive behavior and exemplary and harmful behavior videos (subject to participants consent) as teaching tools.

- Complements parts missing in to attachment based intervention programs

- Results point to the need to address in interventions experiences and relational models based onPCR from parents and value orientation. Without doing so, the teaching of desired parental behaviors may fail.

ENDEND

avi assor ben-gurion university of the negev, israel

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