august 16, 2017 your success. . . . . is our business...

August 16, 2017 Your success. . . . . is our business! Volume 12, Issue 6

OORANGE PPEEL GGAZETTEDEKALB COUNT Y EDITION

“T“THEHE HHOTTESTOTTEST LLITTLEITTLE PPAAPERPER IINN TTOWNOWN!”!”

FREEtAKE oNEDistributed 1st & 3rd Wedneday of each month by OPG Dekalb, Inc. PO Box 33, Cortland, IL 60112

For Advertising rates go to www.opgdekalb.com Contact Tim at [email protected] or 815-501-0705

Cortland DekalbGenoa Hinckley Kingston Kirkland

Shabbona Somonauk Sycamore Waterman

Malta Sandwich

A Child’s Eyes...A little girl was sitting on her

grandfather's lap as he read her a bed-time story. From time to time, shewould take her eyes off the book andreach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God makeyou?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made mea long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make metoo?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she ob-served, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

Sunday DinnerThe Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now,

Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers beforeeating?"

"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to.My Mom is a good cook."

Report Card Time The little boy wasn't getting good marks in

school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said....... "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if

I don't get better grades....... somebody is going toget a spanking........."

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - DeKalb County EditionGreat Rates - Great Results - Call Today! (815) 501-0705

Say What? Bob was in his usual place in the morning sitting

at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. Hecame across an article about a beautiful actress aboutto marry a football player who was known primarilyfor his lack of common knowledge and his fairly lowIQ.

He turned to his wife Marlene with a look of ques-tion on his face. "I'll never understand why thebiggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

Marlene replies, "Why thank you, dear!"

The New York Subway RideThe scene: The "F" train of the subway line in

New York City. I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to

my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morn-ing paper and was saving it to bring to friends on thejob. How do you save a newspaper on the subway?You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw thenewspaper under my rear and asked the most stupidquestion I've ever heard, "Are you reading thatpaper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat down on thepaper and answered, "Yes."

Slight Mistake I work in a department store where every night at

closing time one of our customer service representa-tives reminds shoppers over the public address sys-tem to finish their shopping.

One evening, a woman who had recently workedat Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "At-tention Kmart shoppers . . ." Quickly realizing hermistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble byadding, ". . . you are in the wrong store."

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ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - DeKalb County EditionAdvertising Starts At Just $24 per issue! contact Tim at [email protected]

BLACK and WHITE You could hardly see for all the snow

So you spread the rabbit ears far as they'd go, And pull a chair up to the TV set,

"Good night David, Good night Chet."

Depending on the channel you tuned, You'd get Rob and Laura or Ward and June,

Or Andy Griffith and Barney Fife, Lawrence Welk or This Is Your Life.

I Love Lucy and The Real McCoys, Dennis the Menace and the Cleaver boys.

Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train, Superman and Lois Lane.

Father Knows Best and Patty Duke, Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too,

Donna Reed on Thursday night - Life looked better in black and white.

They were simple folks living a simple life Where everything always turned out right.

The good guys always won the fight. I wanna go back to black and white.

In God they trusted, in their own bed they slept,And a promise made was a promise kept.

They never cussed or broke a vow, They'd never make the network now!

Nowadays nothing's the way it seems In living color or on the screens.

The good guys don't always win the fight And life doesn't always turn out right.

If only I could, I'd rather be In a TV world of '63.

It felt so good, it felt so right, Life looked better in black and white.

I'd trade all the channels on the satellite If I could just turn back the clock tonight

To when everybody knew wrong from right - Life was better in black and white!

G_r[l^ H. Will_yOwner

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Opee says, “Your ad wouldlook great here!” Check outour website to see how lit-tle it takes to make thathappen. Associate your

business with heartwarming& humorous content!

www.opgdekalb.com

Email [email protected] to get your DekalbCounty event included in our list at no cost!

Dekalb�County

King’s Mansion Church200 East St.

Kingston, Il 60145

Presents a Fundraiser in Kingston ParkWhen: Saturday, September 9, 2017

From: 11:00 AM to 4:00 PM

Advanced Raffle Tickets are available ($1.00 each or 6 for $5.00)by calling the Church

at (815)751-1469 or contacting the Church Secretary at [email protected]

Join us for Gospel Music, singing, raffles, silent auctions, kids’ games and Hot Dogs!

So, come on out and bring your Friends and Love onesFor some Great Gospel music and prizes!

The Fund Raiser is to help the King’s Mansion Churchraise funds to put a new roof on the church.

A GOFUNDME account has been established for donations and can be found under Mathew Little-

jon (Pastor)or donations may be made directly to the Church

at the address above.

All Donations are tax deductible

Thank you in advance for all your support getting this new Roof!

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - DeKalb County EditionConnecting Customers and Businesses. . .That’s What We Do Best!

Awe Insurance Agency Genoa (815) 784-6614Gallagher, Dillon, Friedlund DeKalb (815) 756-8643& Associates

IL. Alliance Agency, Inc. Marengo (815) 568-7560

Kingston Mutual Insurance Company420 West Main Street

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Complete Farm and Home Coverage Since 1885

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SYCAMORE- The Sycamore Music Boosters are now ac-cepting vendor applications for the annual Autumn Craft &Treasures Market during the Sycamore Pumpkin Festival onOctober 28 and 29, 2017. Vendor booth sizes are 10’ x 12’and cost is $150.00 for both days. Application deadline isSeptember 1st, 2017. www.sycamoremusicboosters.com9/9 Swiss steak supper--Kingston U.M. Church--5 and 6:15.Carry-outs and gift certs. available. Adults $ 10.00815-784-2010.

09/29 World Champion Cubs Game, Leave FVCC at 10:30a.m. Return at 6 p.m. Coach Bus, Cubs VS Cincinnati, CallBecky for reservations 815-786-9404

09/14 Mystery Trip Leave FVCC 7:45 a.m. Return 6:45p.m. Fun for shoppers, historians, food critics and picturetakers. Contact Becky 815-786-9404 for reservations

08/30 Labor Day Celebration Special lunch with partnerVAC, 11:30 a.m. FVCC 1406 Suydam Rd, Sandwich, Sug-gested $5 donation

Real Pearls?Two older women who were rivals in a social circle

met at a party. "My dear," said the first woman "Arethose real pearls?"

"They are," replied the second woman. "Of course the only way I could tell would be for

me to bite them," smiled the first woman. The second responded "Yes, but for that you would

need real teeth."

Robbery Lesson A robber walks into a bank, produces a gun and

points to the teller saying, "Give me all the money oryou'll be geography."

The teller looks up and says, "Don't you mean his-tory?"

The robber replies, "Don't change the subject."

8/22 Sycamore Farmer’s Market 3-7pm

8/17 DEKALB FARMER’S MARKET 10am-2pm

8/24 DEKALB FARMER’S MARKET 10am-2pm

8/29 Sycamore Farmer’s Market 3-7pm

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE - DeKalb County Edition“THE HOTTEST LITTLE PAPER IN TOWN”

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Bet you didn't know.....•It is impossible to lick your elbow.•A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.

•A shrimp's heart is in their head.•People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because

when you sneeze, you're heart stops for a mili-second.•In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80

years, no one reported a single case where an ostrichburied its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).

•It is physically impossible for pigsto look up into the sky.

•A pregnant goldfish is called a twit•Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version ofAlphabet Spaghetti especially for the German market

that consisted solely of little pasta swastikas.•More than 30% of the people in the world

have never made or received a telephone call.•Rats and horses can't vomit.

•The ''sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick''is said to be the toughest tongue twister

in the English language.•If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If

you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a bloodvessel in your head or neck and die.

•Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two ratscould have over million descendants.

•Wearing headphones for just an hour will increasethe bacteria in your ear by 700 times.•In every episode of Seinfeld there is

a Superman somewhere.•The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.•Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal

ads for dating are already married.•A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.•In the course of an average lifetime you will, whilesleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.

•Most lipstick contains fish scales.•Cat's urine glows under a black-light.

•Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.(I bet you tried to lick your elbow!)

The RanchA New York family bought a ranch out West where

they intended to raise cattle. Friends came to visit andasked if the ranch had a name.

"Well," said the would-be-cattleman. "I wanted tocall it the Bar-J. My wife favored the Suzy-Q. One sonliked the Flying-W, and the other son wanted theLazy-Y. So, we're calling it the Bar-J-Suzy-Q-Flying-W-Lazy-Y Ranch."

"But where are all your cattle?" "So far, none have survived the branding."


COMPREHENDING ENGINEERSCOMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONETwo engineering students were walking across

campus when one said: "Where did you get such agreat bike?"

The second engineer replied: "Well, I was walk-ing along yesterday minding my own business whena beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw thebike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,'Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly: "Goodchoice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWOA pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one

morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Theengineer fumed: "What's with these guys? We musthave been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctorchimed in: "I don't know, but I've never seen such in-eptitude!" The pastor said: "Hey, here comes thegreens keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead ofus? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied: "Oh, yes, that's a groupof blind men. They lost their sight saving our club-house from a fire last year, so we always let them playfor free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said: "That's so sad. I think I will say aspecial prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said: "Good idea. And I'm going to con-tact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's any-thing he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play atnight?"

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREEThere was an engineer who had an exceptional gift

for fixing all things mechanical. After serving hiscompany loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him re-garding a seemingly impossible problem they werehaving with one of their multimillion-dollar machines.They had tried everything and everyone else to get themachine to work but to no avail. In desperation, theycalled on the retired engineer who had solved so manyof their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantlytook the challenge. He spent a day studying the hugemachine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x"in chalk on a particular component of the machine andstated: This is where your problem is". The part wasreplaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Thecompany received a bill for $50,000 from the engineerfor his service. They demanded an itemized account-ing of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:One chalk mark: $1.00

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We Care Tree CareWe Care Tree Care

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Knowing where to put it: $49,999.00 It was paid in full and the engineer retired again inpeace.

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOURTo the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.To the engineer, the glass is twice as big

as it needs to be.

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVEWhat is the difference between Mechanical Engi-

neers and Civil Engineers?Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engi-

neers build targets.

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIXThe graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why

does it work?"The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,

"How does it work?"The graduate with an Accounting degree asks,

"How much will it cost?"The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do

you want fries with that?"

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVENNormal people ... believe that if it ain't broke,

don't fix it.Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't

have enough Features yet."

COMPREHENDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHTAn engineer was crossing a road one day when a

frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me I'llturn into a beautiful princess".

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in hispocket. The frog spoke up again and said: "If youkiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess,I'll Stay with you."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turnme back into a princess, I'll stay with you and doANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at itand put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked: "What is the matter? I'vetold you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay withyou and do anything you want. Why won't you kissme?"

The engineer said: "Look I'm an engineer. I don'thave time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, nowthat's cool."

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Reasons Why Dogs Do Not Use Computers! 10. to op OHQ05 rxd6TTO /6T Y#} P3E2Wq/g

(It is too hard to type with paws) 9. Sit and stay were hard enough. Delete and save

is out of the question! 8. Saliva coated floppy disks refuse to work. 7. Carpal paw syndrome. 6. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead giveaway he's

been browsing. 5. Fire hydrant icon is frustrating. 4. Can't help attacking screen when he hears,

"You've Got Mail". 3. Too messy to mark every website he visits. 2. Fetch command not available on all platforms. 1. Cannot stick his head out of WINDOWS 98.

Officer's First Patrol A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a

cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came overthe car's radio telling them to disperse some peoplewho were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed asmall crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolleddown his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get offthe corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began toleave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proudof his first official act, the young policeman turned tohis partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially sincethis was a bus stop."

Gender Signs Over the years, my husband and I have usually

managed to decode the cute but confusing gendersigns sometimes put on restaurant restroom doors(Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), butevery so often we get stumped.

Recently my husband wandered off in search of themen's room and found himself confronted by twomarked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and theother was designated "Cactus."

Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant em-ployee passing by. "Excuse me. I need to use the rest-room," he said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked,"Which one should I use?"

"Actually, we would prefer you to go there," theemployee said, pointing to a door down the hallmarked MEN. Bronco and Cactus are private diningrooms."


Cell (815) 766-1951

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Shoe Repair Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic

one day when he came across a ticket from the localshoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticketshowed that it was over eleven years old. They bothlaughed and tried to remember which of them mighthave forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over adecade ago.

"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?"Arnold asked.

"Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the

ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, anddrove to the store.

With a straight face, he handed the ticket to theman behind the counter. With a face just as straight,the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look forthese." He disappeared into a dark corner at the backof the shop.

Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here theyare!"

"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's ter-rific! Who would have thought they'd still be hereafter all this time."

The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.

Hink PinksWhat is a Hink Pink? Hink Pinks are fun

rhyming word riddles. The answer to the riddleis a pair of words that rhyme with each other.

Example: Large Feline would be Fat Cat

1. not fresh story __________________

2. neat stage setting _________________

3. living plunge ____________________

4. imitation hoe ____________________

5. get rid of purple sore ______________

6. college room application _____________

7. aircraft stress ___________________

8. masked animal song ___________

9. paperback corner_________________

10. vast country ___________________

Answers on page 15 29


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Signs the Car You Just Bought is a Lemon 1. As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner

rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the sales-man.

2. You notice that the car phone they threw in "forfree" has a direct line to Moes's Towing Company.

3. The booster cables are not in the trunk but arepermanently soldered to the battery.

4. The hood has been equipped with a push-buttondevice for quick and easy opening.

5. The "Purchased From" sticker at the bottom ofthe rear license plate has been removed.

6. You get a "Good Luck" card from the previousowner.

7. As you drive up to a service station for gas, themechanic opens the big door to the service bay andwaves you in.

8. When you leave for work the next morning, younotice a tow truck parked about a block from yourdriveway. As you drive by, it silently falls in behindyou.

9. The little "Service Engine" warning signal in thedashboard comes on and reads "It's Me Again."

Scales Don't Lie A lady noticed her husband standing on the bath-

room scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he wastrying to weigh less with this maneuver, she com-mented, "I don't think that's going to help."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can seethe numbers."


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WRECKMASTERCERTIFIED DRIVERS


Sozo Market Soon to Close

Sozo Market is a little shop on the east end of down-town Dekalb (recently moved to 625 East LincolnHighway). The store's goal is to provide a channel forjustice-minded, social enterprises. A social enterprise isan organization that applies commercial strategies tomaximize improvements in human and environmentalwell-being. The people we aim to help are those res-cued from human trafficking, vulnerable to be traf-ficked, trapped in poverty and orphans. These peopleare equipped and empowered by missionaries to makea dignified living with by creating art -- home decoritems, jewelry, clothing and accessories. The productsare absolutely beautiful, totally unique and they comewith a story of hope and restoration. We sell them atSozo Market and all the profits go back to the artists.

Sadly, this was not a sustainable business in the Dekalbmarket. Sozo Market will be closing its doors in thenext 30-60 days. But before we close, we are having abig Closing Sale -- a final opportunity to get theseunique items some of which are reduced up to 75% off.We've even brought out our Christmas items for aChristmas in August display. So please come visit andshop!

We have acquired a loyal following in our 4 years inDekalb and we are so grateful for the customers thatvisit often and encourage us. We remain convinced thatour goal is still worthwhile and achievable. We knowfrom our supply partners that the need is great. So overthe coming months, we will be exploring options tobring these beautiful products to consumers...possiblyonline sales or wholesale to boutiques. Please staytuned to our website at www.sozomarket.org for infor-mation on how to purchase our products and supportthis important cause in the future.

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Stor_ Hours:Thurs - S[t10 [m - 4 pm

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our Central office Is Located at:310 N. 6th Street DeKalb, IL

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1. How much money did you make last year? |_____________|

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Say It With Flowers A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that dis-

played a large sign that read, "Say It With Flowers." "Wrap up one rose," he told the florist. "Only one?" the florist asked. "Just one," the customer replied. "I'm a man of few

words."

Cultural ExpansionLearn some basic Chinese Today. First the English

phrase - Then the Chinese Interpretation

Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding? See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man - Dum Gai Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai NiI think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim? Has your flight been delayed? - Hao Long Wei Ting?

I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching? This is a tow away zone - No Pah King

Do you know the lyrics to "Macarena"? - Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

You are not very bright - Yu So Dum

I got this for free - Ai No Pei Please, stay a while longer - Wai Go Nao?

They have arrived - Hia Dei KumStay out of sight - Lei Lo

He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing KaYour body odor is offensive - Yu stin ki pu

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Some Words To Ponder•If you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side.

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•The best things in life aren't things.

•No God, no peace, Know God, know peace•Life is a measure to be filled,not a cup to be drained.

•When you're green with envy, you're ripe for troubles.

•The tongue weighs practically nothing,but few can hold it.

•We stand tallest when we stoop to help others.•Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

•The best way to have the last word is to apologize.•Setbacks pave the way for comebacks.

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(Information gathered herein is from sources considered reliable.Accuracy however cannot be guaranteed. All humorous storiesand jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any groupor individuals. Ads appearing in this paper are not to be considered as an endorsement or validation by Orange PeelGazette for products or services offered.)

Hink Pink Answers 1. stale tale 2. clean scene 3. live dive 4. fake rake 5. loose bruise 6.dorm form 7.plane strain8. coon tune 9. book nook 10. grand land


Doctors Have Good Stories too:•A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is

going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed mystuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, andbegan to prepare her for the delivery. Suddenly, I no-ticed that there were several cabs, and I was in thewrong one.

•At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stetho-scope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient'santerior chest wall.

"Big breaths," I instructed."Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.•I was performing a complete physical, including

the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feetfrom the chart and began, Cover your right eye withyour hand."

He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."Again, a flawless read.

"Now both," I requested. There was silence. Hecouldn't even read the large E on the top line. Iturned and discovered that he had done exactly what Ihad asked. He was standing there with both his eyescovered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

•I was caring for a woman from Kentucky andasked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It'svery good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seemto get used to the taste," the patient replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and the woman pro-duced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

•During a patient's two week follow-up appoint-ment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctorthat he was having trouble with one of his medica-tions.

"Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. Thenurse told me to put on a new one every six hours andnow I'm running out of places to put it!"

The doctor had him quickly undress and discov-ered what he hoped he wouldn't see; the man hadover fifty patches on his body. Now the instructionsinclude removal of the old patch before applying anew one. Now you know; Clear Directions!

opee Gazette says: Let’s Play!Who Wants to Be a Zillionaire?

$391,000 Question...Beekeepers use this to calm bees when they are col-lecting honey or relocating a hive.A) Music B) SmokeC) Dogs D) Ammonia$392,000 Question...Bees make this to feed their young and so they havesomething to eat during the winter.A) Honey B) WaxC) Paper D) Gardens$393,000 Question...There are about this many different species of bees inthe world.A) 5,000 B) 10,000C) 15,000 D) 20,000$394,000 Question...Bees live in colonies and there are this many types ofbees in each colony.A) 1 B) 2C) 3 D) 4 $395,000 Question...The queen bee has only one job. It is to...?A) Clean hive B) Secure the hiveC) Lay eggs D) Scare predators$396,000 Question...This bee is female and their job is to clean the hive,collect pollen and nectar to feed the colony and theytakes care of the offspring.A) Queen B) WorkerC) Drone D) Headmaster$397,000 Question...The drone bee has this distinction in the hive?A) Only males B) Excellent hunterC) Can sting D) Prettiest bee

(Answers below - See you next issue)

Answers: $391 - B $392 - A; $393 - D; $394 - C; $395 - C; $396 - B; 397 - A.

THE

BUMBLEBEE

QUIZ


Ponder the Imponderables1. You take an Oriental person and spin him aroundseveral times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, whyaren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Why do we say something is out of whack?What's a whack? 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea . . .does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? 6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? 7. When someone asks you, "A penny for yourthoughts" and you put your two cents in .. . whathappens to the other penny? 8. Why is the man who invests all your moneycalled a broker? 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages?Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does itsay? 11. Why is a person who plays the piano called apianist but a person who drives a race car notcalled a racist? 12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy - oppo-sites? 13. Why do overlook and oversee mean oppositethings? 14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onetyone? 15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in theEnglish language. Could it be that "I do" is thelongest sentence? 16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen de-frocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can bedelighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and drycleaners depressed? 17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would theycall it Fed UP? 18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 19. What haircolor do they put on the driver's li-censes of bald men? 20. I was thinking about how people seem to readthe Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then itdawned on me, they're cramming for their finalexam. 21. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in thePost Office? What are we supposed to do, write tothem? Why don't they just put their pictures on thepostage stamps so the mailmen can look for themwhile they deliver the mail? 22. If it's true that we are here to help others, thenwhat exactly are the others here for? 23. You never really learn to swear until you learnto drive. 24. No one ever says, "It's only a game" when theirteam is winning.

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