Assertiveness and Assertiveness and Interpersonal ConflictInterpersonal Conflict

Jill PhillipsJill Phillips

Learning OutcomesLearning Outcomes

Define assertivenessDefine assertiveness Differentiate between assertiveness, Differentiate between assertiveness,

aggression & submissionaggression & submission Discuss how assertiveness can impact on Discuss how assertiveness can impact on

healthcare deliveryhealthcare delivery Discuss assertive “I” messagesDiscuss assertive “I” messages

MisconceptionsMisconceptions

Assertiveness can be perceived as Assertiveness can be perceived as

-- aggressiveaggressive

-- uncaringuncaring

AssertivenessAssertiveness

To respectfully and clearly express your views, To respectfully and clearly express your views, observations or feelings, without any likely observations or feelings, without any likely negative consequences or implications for the negative consequences or implications for the other personother person

Behaviour which enables a person to act in his/her Behaviour which enables a person to act in his/her own best interests, to stand up for him/herself own best interests, to stand up for him/herself without undue anxiety, to express his/her honest without undue anxiety, to express his/her honest feelings comfortably, or to exercise his/her own feelings comfortably, or to exercise his/her own rights without denying the rights of others (Alberti rights without denying the rights of others (Alberti & Emmons, 1970 as cited in Rungapadiachy, & Emmons, 1970 as cited in Rungapadiachy, 1999).1999).

An assertive person steers a middle course An assertive person steers a middle course between not doing anything and doing too muchbetween not doing anything and doing too much

An assertive person gets the work of interpersonal An assertive person gets the work of interpersonal communication done but does so in a way that communication done but does so in a way that respects both his or her own rights and the rights respects both his or her own rights and the rights of other people (Egan, 1977 as cited in of other people (Egan, 1977 as cited in Rungapadiachy, 1999).Rungapadiachy, 1999).

Standing up for your own rights in such a way that Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights. you do not violate another person’s rights. Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways (Back & Back, 1991 as cited in Rungapadiachy, (Back & Back, 1991 as cited in Rungapadiachy, 1999).1999).

““I win and you win”I win and you win” ““I’m OK, you’re OK”I’m OK, you’re OK”

SubmissivenessSubmissiveness

Lack of confidence in one’s behaviourLack of confidence in one’s behaviour Results in rights being violatedResults in rights being violated I let you have your way even if its an I let you have your way even if its an

inconvenienceinconvenience Inability to say no to a request or feeling Inability to say no to a request or feeling

guilty after having said noguilty after having said no ““I’m not OK and you’re OK”I’m not OK and you’re OK” ““I lose and you win”I lose and you win”

Saying sorry even when its not your faultSaying sorry even when its not your fault Accepting the blame even if you are not Accepting the blame even if you are not

responsibleresponsible Always behaving in a way which gives the Always behaving in a way which gives the

impression that others are superior to impression that others are superior to yourselfyourself

The word “no” does not exist in your The word “no” does not exist in your vocabularyvocabulary

A non-assertive person is likely to think of A non-assertive person is likely to think of an appropriate response after the an appropriate response after the opportunity has passedopportunity has passed

AggressivenessAggressiveness

Behaviour suggests a lack of respect for Behaviour suggests a lack of respect for othersothers

Emphasis is on satisfying ones own needs Emphasis is on satisfying ones own needs at the expense of others, and violating their at the expense of others, and violating their rights in the processrights in the process

I stand up for my rights and that’s all that I stand up for my rights and that’s all that mattersmatters

““I win, you lose”I win, you lose”

BehavioursBehaviours

SubmissivenessSubmissiveness

-- You deny yourselfYou deny yourself

-- You feel inhibited and guiltyYou feel inhibited and guilty

-- You get hurtYou get hurt

-- You feel anxiousYou feel anxious

-- You are dictated to by othersYou are dictated to by others

-- You do not achieve what you wantYou do not achieve what you want

-- Others achieve their goals at your expenseOthers achieve their goals at your expense

BehavioursBehaviours

AssertivenessAssertiveness

-- You enhance your growthYou enhance your growth

-- You express freelyYou express freely

-- You feel good about yourselfYou feel good about yourself

-- You make your own choiceYou make your own choice

-- You may achieve your goalYou may achieve your goal

BehavioursBehaviours

AggressivenessAggressiveness

-- You deny othersYou deny others

-- You bully othersYou bully others

-- You tend to force others into giving inYou tend to force others into giving in

-- You choose for othersYou choose for others

-- You achieve your goals at the expense You achieve your goals at the expense of othersof others

Aggressiveness Cont’dAggressiveness Cont’d

-- Being verbally abusiveBeing verbally abusive

-- Being physically abusiveBeing physically abusive

-- behaving in a manner that conveys an behaving in a manner that conveys an element of superiority towards otherselement of superiority towards others

-- Being sarcastic (indirect aggression)Being sarcastic (indirect aggression)

A question of rightsA question of rights

‘‘Rights’ at the heart of assertivenessRights’ at the heart of assertiveness

If people don’t know their rights then they If people don’t know their rights then they are unlikely to know how to protect themare unlikely to know how to protect them

Some Basic RightsSome Basic Rights

The right to say no if that is what you wantThe right to say no if that is what you want The right to be youThe right to be you The right to change your mindThe right to change your mind The right to respectThe right to respect The right to make your own choicesThe right to make your own choices The right to express your opinions and your The right to express your opinions and your

beliefsbeliefs. . . And many, many more. . . And many, many more

Benefits of SubmissivenessBenefits of Submissiveness

Avoiding conflictAvoiding conflict Being left in peace & quietBeing left in peace & quiet ApprovalApproval AcceptanceAcceptance Come across as nice & dependableCome across as nice & dependable

Benefits of AggressivenessBenefits of Aggressiveness

Venting feelings of angerVenting feelings of anger Fewer chances of your rights being violatedFewer chances of your rights being violated More often you get what you wantMore often you get what you want Feeling of dominationFeeling of domination Feeling superior to othersFeeling superior to others Ignoring or dismissing the behaviour of Ignoring or dismissing the behaviour of

othersothers

Benefits of AssertivenessBenefits of Assertiveness

Being respected for being honest & fairBeing respected for being honest & fair Developing a sense of self-respectDeveloping a sense of self-respect Having a personal sense of value and positive Having a personal sense of value and positive

self-esteemself-esteem Having the ability to establishing good Having the ability to establishing good

interpersonal relationships with othersinterpersonal relationships with others Being able to satisfy your own needsBeing able to satisfy your own needs Not having to have to think of excuses to justify Not having to have to think of excuses to justify

your reasons for having said noyour reasons for having said no

Cont’dCont’d

Never having to be in the role of the victimNever having to be in the role of the victim Being in charge of your own feelingsBeing in charge of your own feelings Feeling a sense of independenceFeeling a sense of independence

Types of AssertionTypes of Assertion

Direct or basicDirect or basic IndirectIndirect EmpatheticEmpathetic DiscrepancyDiscrepancy PraisePraise CompromiseCompromise

Therefore assertion . . . Therefore assertion . . .

Does not necessarily mean a categorical Does not necessarily mean a categorical ‘no’‘no’

ANDAND

You do what feels right so long as you are not You do what feels right so long as you are not inconvenienced and the other persons rights inconvenienced and the other persons rights are not being interfered withare not being interfered with

Correlation between self concept and Correlation between self concept and assertive behaviourassertive behaviour

Positive perception of:Positive perception of:

-- body imagebody image

-- positive self-esteempositive self-esteem

-- congruence between ideal self & true congruence between ideal self & true selfself

If one feels confident about self they are likely If one feels confident about self they are likely to behave confidently to behave confidently

Do’s & Don’tsDo’s & Don’ts

Don’t be influenced by unrealistic goalsDon’t be influenced by unrealistic goals Own what you say – “I” statementsOwn what you say – “I” statements Own feelings and let others be in charge of Own feelings and let others be in charge of

their feelingstheir feelings Confront others with factual informationConfront others with factual information Be congruent between verbals & non-Be congruent between verbals & non-

verbals (say what you mean and mean what verbals (say what you mean and mean what you say)you say)

Cont’dCont’d

Assertion may not always be appropriateAssertion may not always be appropriate Display the “broken record behaviour”Display the “broken record behaviour” Maintain eye contactMaintain eye contact Use the correct paralanguageUse the correct paralanguage

Receiving CriticismReceiving Criticism

ListenListen AcknowledgeAcknowledge ReflectReflect AnalyseAnalyse Accept orAccept or Reject the feedbackReject the feedback

Assertiveness & health care deliveryAssertiveness & health care delivery

The concept of caring suggests the health The concept of caring suggests the health professional has to safeguard the health & professional has to safeguard the health & welfare of the clientwelfare of the client

By assisting clients to understand their By assisting clients to understand their rightsrights

Role of client advocateRole of client advocate

UnassertivenessUnassertiveness-- doesn’t install confidencedoesn’t install confidence

AggressivenessAggressiveness-- generates fear generates fear

SubmissivenessSubmissiveness-- casts doubt re - efficiencycasts doubt re - efficiency

These are considered non-therapeutic statesThese are considered non-therapeutic states

ReferencesReferences

Rungapadiachy, D. M. (1999). Rungapadiachy, D. M. (1999). Interpersonal Interpersonal communication and psychology for health communication and psychology for health care professionals: Theory and practice. care professionals: Theory and practice. Oxford: Butterworth-HeinemannOxford: Butterworth-Heinemann

Stein-Parbury, J. (2005). Stein-Parbury, J. (2005). Patient and Patient and person: Interpersonal skills in nursingperson: Interpersonal skills in nursing (3 (3rdrd ed.). Sydney: Elseviered.). Sydney: Elsevier