assertive training and desensitization 1

8/7/2019 Assertive Training and Desensitization 1

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ASSERTIVETRAINING&DESENSITIZATION


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WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?

Assertiveness is about self confidence.

Having a positive attitudetowards yourself and others.


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Ten Points about Assertive

Behaviour It depends on expressing yourself Showing respects to others rights Being honest Indirect and certain Mutual equilibrium and benefit is important in a

relationship. It is expressing emotions, rights, realities, thoughts

and boundaries by words

Using non-verbal comminication for sending themessage It is not universal, it depends on the position and the

individual It is getting social responsibility

It is not the nature of the humankind, it can be learned


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Being Assertive

Being assertive is focusing on your goal.

Being assertive is being self-aware.

Being assertive is being true to yourself.

Being assertive is building self esteem.

Being assertive is nurturing yourself.


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TYPES OF

ASSERTIVENESSNon-assertive behaviour

I am not ok,you are ok

Assertive behaviourI am ok,you are ok

Aggresive behaviour

I am ok,you are not ok

Manipulative behaviourI am not ok,you are not ok


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Negative attitude and

passive behaviour Lack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of self respect

Self putdowns Negative feelings and thoughts about yourself Feelings of inferiority. Like others to be in control of people and

situations. Feeling guilty. De-motivated.


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manipulative behaviour Lack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of self respect and lack of respect for others Mistrustful and suspicious of others motives Negative feelings and thoughts about self and

others Feel very wary towards others Dishonest and indirect

Twist what others have said Undermine others self esteem Depressed and demotivated


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aggressive behaviour Lack of self confidence and low self esteem Lack of respect towards others Put others down Feelings of superiority Like to be in control of people and situations Disinterested in others thoughts and feelings Feel angry towards others and are quick to

blame them Dont listen to or ask questions Dismissive of feedback


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Positive attitude and

assertive behaviour Self confidence and high self esteem Respect for self and towards others

Take responsibility for self Motivated to do a good job nterested in others feelings and

thoughts Ask questions Honest and direct Listen to others Ask others for feedback


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ASSERTIVENESS BY

VERBAL AND NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION

Faces and the looks

Eye signal

Body image

Personal space

The gesture


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HUMAN ASSERTIVE

RIGHTS The right to express

sexuality The right to have

needs and desires The right to have

information The right to have

goods or serviceswhich have beenpaid

The right to be

independent and tobe left alone

The right to say no The right to be

treated with respect

The right to do anything whichdoes not violate the rights ofothers

The right to be assertive ornon-assertive

The right to make choices The right to change The right to control over

body,time and possesions The right to express opinions

and beliefs The right to think well of

oneself The right to make requests


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SAYING YES OR NO


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Why is it difficult to say

no?

If I say no,they may feel hurt or injected

If I say no this time, they may not like me

anymore If I say no this time,they may never ask

again

They wont take any notice if I say no

They would say yes to me (and so I will feelguilty if I refuse them)

I cant say no, because I feel sorry for them


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How to say no

assertively?

Start your reply with a clear,firm,audible no

Do not justify or make excuses.Giving a reason

is different from over-appologizing

Feel that you have a right to say no

Once you have said no , do not stay aroundwaiting to be persuaded to change yourmind.Make a definite closure by changing thesubject,walking away, continiuing with what youare doing-whatever is appropriate


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How to say no

assertively? Remember you are saying no to that particular

request,not rejecting the person

If the request takes you unawares or you have notsufficent time to think when asked,you can alwayssay, I will let you know in order to give yourself timeto think about what you want to say.

Take responsibility for saying no-do not blame theother person for asking you.

Ask for more information if you need it in order todecide whether you want to say yes or no


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Why is it difficult to say

yes?

I dont deserve it.

They might not really mean it.

I am not really sure that is what I want.

I dont have enough information.


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How to say yes

assertively

Say yes clearly and definitely.

Identify why you would find it difficult.

Examine thoughts realistically and ask

yourself.

Having clarified thughts for yourself then

reaffirm your desire to say yes.


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Combining Yes and No

Yes and No may be combined

assertively to define what we want

or what our limits are in aparticular situation.


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THE IMPORTANCE OF

ASSERTIVENESS IN

ORGANISATIONSAssertiveness

Personal identity

Wages or salary Satisfaction from

exercising skills

Satisfaction from

helping people Social environment

Need to deal with

Their selves

The manager towhom they report

Their colleagues

Their subordinates

Clients or customers


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Techniques in Assertiveness

Training Verbal communication Non-verbal communication

Anxiety reduction and control Anger reduction and control, and

redirection of this energy Increase in self esteem

Awareness of self and others ininterpersonal situations Awareness of social and cultural rules of

behaviour


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Problems in Assertiveness

Training The first major problem for assertion training

involves negative evaluations of assertivepeople by others

Confusion between assertion and aggression Problem involves transfer of training,the

difficulty experienced by trainees in generalisingassertive from the training context to real-lifesituations

Finally some of the difficulties in applyingassertion training outside the training contextmay be due to intuitive training procedures thatare inadequately based in research


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The skills of helping the person to

commit to changing his/her behaviour

from non-assertive to assertive.You will need action planning skills at thisstage of the counselling process.Inparticular, you need to help the personset clear objectives;a mnemonic which

can be useful is SMART.This stands for:

Specific

Measurable

AchievableRealistic

Time oriented


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TO DECDE WHEN TO BE

ASSERTVE Do you know really what is the situation? How much importance it has for you? Will you get what you want? Do you want to just express yourself? What is your options? Do you want an optimistic result? Are you ready to be assertive? Did you count to the 10? Is it beter to wait? Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you dont do anything? Have you done your best? What are the possible results and risks? Will assertiveness cause a change?


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Desensitization

We all can lose a fear of dogs or ofdeep water or of snakes or of bees by

approaching these stimuli step by stepwhile being in a relaxed state.

So how would you devise adesensitization procedure for yourfriend who has a phobic response todentists?


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Desensitization of a Fear of a

Spider


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Behavior Therapy Systematic Desensitization


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THANKS FOR YOUR ATTENTION

assertive training and desensitization 1

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