as you wish - ch 8

8/14/2019 As You Wish - Ch 8

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As You Wish

An AlphabetMatriarchal Legacy

Chapter 8

8/14/2019 As You Wish - Ch 8


Welcome back to As You Wish. As usual, I suggest you goback and read the previous chapters. If you don’t mindbeing a bit lost, feel free to jump right in.

This chapter is full of death. I promise no less than fourdeaths by the end of Chapter 8.

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Colette, Billie’s Insane Loner daughter, grew into a child,developing the Ambitious trait in the process.

“I’m going to be a turnip when I grow up.”

It’s good to have goals.

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Even though she’s Mean, Camilla’s Good nature meansshe spends lots of quality time with her grandparents.

Chadwick: Solve the puzzle you nitwits! You don’t need tobuy another vowel! It’s “Reticulating Splines” as any idiotcan see.

Anastasia: You should go on the show dear. I could finally

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Camilla even got to know her father.

“How could you miss my birthday? You’re a horriblefather!”

“I’m really sorry, but your mother had me in a cage in thebackyard at the time.”

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Colette likes to change into formal wear and run to thecurb with the trash. You’re not being timed, dear.

“The garden gnome watches me with loaded eyes and apointed grin.”

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Billie has become quite the prolific writer. Her most recenthit, How I Killed My Ex-Husband is her most profitable bookso far.

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The first death was just some random party guest thatdied during one of Billie’s formal parties. His urndisappeared before she could move it to the graveyard,though.

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Chadwick was next to go. He never even got to finish thepainting he was working on.

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“What’s going on? I don’t feel so good.”

Just don’t look behind you. You won’t like what you see.

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Oh Billie…it must be hard to lose your daddy…even forsomeone like you.

“It’s not that. Who’s going to keep mom out of my waynow? I don’t want to babysit that senile old bat.”

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Anastasia came home from work everyday and wentstraight to mourn at Chadwick’s grave.

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If you thought for even a second that becoming a ghosthelped calm Chadwick’s fear of ghosts, you’re sadlymistaken. I think he caught a glimpse of himself in themirror right before this was taken.

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When he was alive, he usually slept through most of theprime haunting times. Now…not so much. He rarelymakes it through the living room without fainting half adozen times.

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Billie started rolling wants for a party again and I saw“Funeral” as an option, so here we are. And, yes, Billie’spregnant and wearing stripper boots to her father’sfuneral. She’s not officially Inappropriate, but she tries herbest.

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“So you were friends with my dad, huh? Are you single?” Yes, she tried picking up men at her father’s funeral.

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Brendan made a brief appearance.“I’m gonnatake off. I kind of want to be alone for awhile.I love you, but when all three of my evil sisters gettogether, it gets overwhelming.”

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Brendan went across the street to fish and immediatelycalled Billie.

Brendan: Has anyone noticed I skipped out early?

Billie: No, you’re good. I’ve got you covered.

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And it wouldn’t be a Legacy Party without creepy relativesshowing up.

“Dude, I’m not going to walk down to the beach with you.I’m your cousin…and in high school.”

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The day after the funeral, Coretta was born. She’s Absent-Minded and Brave. (And, no, I don’t know what the deal iswith Billie’s eyes. Perhaps she’s possessed.)

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Time marched on quickly for Anastasia too. She passed onat age 93, having fulfilled her LTW to be a Super Spy. Asusual, Colette was in her own little world at the time andhad no idea what was happening.

“Hello Mr. Caterpillar-Nose. Why are you dancing on theceiling?”

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I’m not sure ‘Stasia even knew what was going on.“Hello, are you a friend of Billie’s? You young peopledress so odd these days. Are you what they call ‘goth’?”

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Oh my. It looks like Colette’s become a teenager. Let’ssee what a makeover can do for you.

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Colette has just become Childish, adding to Insane,Ambitious, and Loner.

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She’s really kind of an exotic beauty when she’s notwrinkling her nose at me, and she gardensautonomously…always a plus.

“The lime tree sings to me and tells me I smell likerainbows.”

Whatever gets you in the yard with the watering can works

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Oh no. I have a feeling I really don’t want to see whatBillie’s doing. It can’t be anything good.

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Of course. She’s in her underwear making out with themaid. I should have known.

“Winston, you sexy man! How I’ve missed you!”

He hasn’t been over since before his daughter was born.

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Finally, after murdering her ex-husband and having a childtogether. Billie and Winston have serious discussionsabout their future.

“So…it never mattered before, but…are you married?”

“No, my wife died years ago.”

“Well then…”

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“In the name of all that is unholy, I command you to marryme!”

“Of course I’ll marry you. You didn’t even need to invokethe dark gods.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

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Billie didn’t waste any time with Winston. She’d had twomen die before she could get them to the altar and wasn’tgoing to risk it with Winston.

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“Hey Frank, you’ll never guess where I am…you know thatbig house I clean on Tuesdays?...no, the one with the hugedysfunctional family and a mysterious graveyard outback…I just moved in…no she didn’t go to jail, I marriedher!”

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“This is the life…every man-maid’s dream. It’s 11:30 inthe morning and I’m still in my bathrobe.”

Winston’s LTW is to be Super Popular. Hmm…that wouldhave been pretty easy if you’d come into the family muchearlier. It looks like I’ll be filling all Winston’s wants so Ican buy him the “Attractive” reward.

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“So…my mom married two of our maids. I’m going to bean adult soon. Do you see where I ‘m going with this?”

“Lo siento, senorita. No hablo Simlish.”

Hmm…looks like the agency finally got wise to the family.

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Camilla: That man-maid may not speak Simlish now, but Ithink our love can pull us through.

What love? You’re a teenager!

Colette: The smell of blue tastes like caramel sunshine.

You’re not helping.

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I think Colette has body issues. She’ll stuff herself onwhatever food’s available until she gets pretty chubby,then she’ll jump on the treadmill for hours on end untilshe’s thin again.

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One day, Sofia, Brendan’s daughter, comes home withColette.

“I’m going to show her my dream collection.”

Um…Colette, does Sofia know about your…condition?

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“Argh! You stupid door…all smug and brown! I’m going toopen you and you’re going to like it! Don’t make me callthe Green Elephant Army in on you!”

Ah. Their friendship makes a ton of sense now.

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Why so sad Coretta?“I had a birthday and you didn’t even notice.”

Your birthday was five seconds ago. You rolled Couch-Potato and sat yourself down in front of the TV so fast Icouldn’t get a picture.

“But Social Bunn Ha Fun Time Land is on.”

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That same evening, Camilla became an adult and aGenius, adding to Good, Hot-Headed, Mean-Spirited, andEasily Impressed. She wants to be a Creature-Robot CrossBreeder.

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I’ve already got a scientist in the family, so Camilla wentspouse hunting and found this random guy. He’s rich andlives alone…a match made in heaven!

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Colette continues to obsess about her appearance. Sheruns to the mirror to check herself out between binges andthen finally works out ‘til she drops. This cycle hasrepeated numerous times. I worry about her.

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That brings me to the end of another chapter. Come backnext time to see who becomes heir. The nut or the potato?

What? I only told you about three deaths and promisedfour? Are you sure? It’s pretty sad. Oh well, don’t say Ididn’t warn you.

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RIP Terrence the Fish. He was a good fish and lastedseveral days before doing that final backstroke to thegreat beyond.

as you wish - ch 8

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