armpits f e ho by rick pert · armpits of the holy the day led zeppelin was acquitted of plagiarism...
TRANSCRIPT
pms 2015-2016by Rick pert
Armpits e HoOf
.
pms 2015-2016by Rick pert
Armpits e HoOf
.
Copyright © 2016 by Rick LupertAll rights reserved
Ain’t Got No Press15522 Stagg StreetVan Nuys, CA 91406
Design, and Layout ~ Rick Lupert
When I Die is from the forthcoming collectionDonut Famine (Rothco Press, December 2016)
No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoeverwithout written permission from the author except in the case of brief quotationsembodied in critical articles and reviews. For more information or to contact theauthor for any reason try:
or
http://PoetrySuperHighway.com/
First Electronic Edition ~ December, 2016
Let me take you to the movies. Can I take you to the show Let me be yours ever truly. Can I make your garden grow?
Led Zeppelin
Armpits e HoOf
.
Armpits of the holyThe day Led Zeppelin was acquittedof plagiarism over Stairway to HeavenI discovered a hole in the armpit of myZeppelin shirt which means either onemust receive the victories with the defeats,or I have incredibly powerful armpits.
Is your nameJacques Cousteau?
Have you considered putting an animalon your boat such as a mouse or giraffe?
Do you have a waterbed on your boatand is it necessary?
When you saw yourself in meat the party when I was staring
at the girl across the room,what did you see?
Say the word boatin Canadian.
Questions for the Man Who Lives on a Boat
So,you live on a boat?
How big isthe boat?
What is yourboat’s name?
How muchdid the boat cost?
On your boat,do you ever go boating?
Can you showeron your boat?
Does the post officedeliver mail to your boat?
for Derrick Brown
Encouraging Words from the Scripture
When they come to my doorWhen they come to my doorand say things like
We’d like to offer you someencouraging words fromthe Scripture.
When it’s Friday morningand I’ve already written apoem for the week’s Torah Portion
When I don’t need encouragingwords from the Scripture.I want to invite them in.
I want to ask if they wantsome lemonade. I tell them Idon’t have any lemonade
but I’ve got lemons and I’dbe willing to go for it.When they are about to protest
I’m already out the doorwith the garden sheers.I’m picking lemons.
I’m squeezing the lemons.I’m mixing in the filtered waterand the sugar.
Not too much sugarI say to them encouragingly.I’m pouring it over ice in
one of those classic glass pitchers.You know the kind.The kind they thought up
after seeing a glass of lemonade.I’m bringing them the lemonade.They are drinking the lemonade.
That’s darned fine lemonadeThey say. I know, isn’t it great?I say. And they say yes.
Now we’d love to share someencouraging words fromthe Scripture, they say.And I say
Oh, sorry, I’m a Satanist.You’re drinking the lemonadeof a Satanist.
Satan himself gave me the recipe.And of course, I’m not a Satanist.Did I mention it’s Friday and
I’ve already written a poemfor the week’s Torah portion?When they leave quickly
a polite thank you and the tasteof Satan’s lemonade on their tongues.I go back to my desk.
I print out a sign that saysNo solicitors and No people withknowledge of encouraging words
from the Scripture.I put up the sign. My desk again.Let’s see what the afternoon brings.
for Shimon PeresMay the one who triedto make peace for us andall the world, rest in peace.
for David Bowiestar manin the skyno longerwaiting
Mothers HaikuCivilizationthat ever was or will becomes out through your legs.
OrlandoAt Encino breakfasta seven year old draws a monkeywith rainbow colors.
In Orlandofifty sons and daughterswho would have loved it.
Breakfast at the HotelThe elderly couple sitting in the cornerstaring at each other with the weight oftotal reassessment.
The two girls who had their mimosasImported from the bar with the instructionskeep them coming.
The other couple, woman on the phonearranging lunch with her mother.her second phone call. The maneventually walks away, eyes on his watch.
The tolerable coffee.The waitress and her instructions.
And me writing it downas if that makes sitting aloneokay.
happy birthday hal sirowitzHappy birthday son, mother saidbut don’t overdue it on the cake.You’re getting to an age whereall that sugar will give you diabetes.But please eat something,and wear a sweater.You don’t want to starveor freeze, like your Uncle Simonwho died before you were bornwhich is probably why youdon’t remember him.
5 7 5Paw prints on the blackgranite. Everybody lovesthe brand new bathroom.
haikuComing to an endIt is not natural togive away kittens
Dementia, My Darling
When a Brendan Constantine come books out.No. When a constant book, you’ve been writing
comes to Los Angeles. When you’re still writingthe book. No. When you’ve got a bag of dementia
nearby. A small bag. And even though there aresmaller bags…you’ve seen them. This is the bag
you have. And. Where did the bag go? When aconstant book comes out. Shouldn’t we applaud
its bravery. Shouldn’t we take it by the hand likea little bird. Like a little blackbird. And. No birds
don’t have hands. And if they do, they’re nottelling us where they keep them. When a
darling little black bear writes my book. Shouldn’twe thank it for all the time we saved me?
Shouldn’t we get as many grapes as we can?Did anyone else watch Starchy and Hutch?
I did. I think I did. I don’t remember if I did itwas so long ago. Back when they hurt you. Back
when they left your dog in the cellar with thephototaxis. Which is a real word. No. Yes! You
can say phototaxis all day long and no-one cantell you you’re wrong. Or, they can really, but you
can tell them they are wrong. Though you’ll haveto take a break from saying the word to do it.
When we do it. Let’s all do it. Let’s all do it inour nightgowns. When a Brendan Constantine book
comes out. Yes! My Darling! This is what we’vebeen waiting for. This is what ends the long while.
What turns us from still life to a blur by the river.We are the many and these are our needs. When
a book by Brendan Constantine comes out.Yes. Yes. It’s a cinch. His heart
so much larger than a pocket dictionary.
for Brenn nstantine
BrooklynI feel guilty howcomfortable I feelin Brooklyn.
Virtual RealityAt the outdoor festivaltable labeled "Virtual Reality"no one stationed at it,orI'm not doing it right.
Milwaukee
At the Brat Housein the Old Worldon Third Street
We are given aBeer samplerso we can decide
which beer we want.There is no beer sampleron the menu.
I beg them to let mejust pay for the beer sampler.Eventually I just order
a beer, which is broughtin two mugs. I tell them Ionly wanted one and
they tell me they onlyserve beer twins and the twoequals one.
Addie orders pickle chipswhich cost no money.As if they have the goose
that laid the goldenpickle chips.
We are in the old worldon third street with abeeriteria every twenty feet.
We don’t count.That’s just what oneYelp review said.
when I dieWhen I diehave a jazz funeral.Second line it. Make it funny.Guys dressed as Grouchorainbow suspenderscomic arrows through their heads.
When I diebury me in an above ground cemetery.Put up a ladder so people can climbup and see as far as they can see.
When I dieturn my house into a museum.Let people open the cabinets andsee how I hid the curios from my travels.Let the smaller ones try on my outfits.Make cat petting a free add on experience.Actually make that mandatory.
When I dietake my wife in your arms.Don’t let her feel alone.
Rick’s Other Books:Donut Famine
Rothco Press, December., 2016
Romancing the Blarney StoneRothco Press, December., 2016
Professor Clown on ParadeRothco Press, December., 2016
Making Love to the 50 Ft. WomanRothco Press, May., 2015
The Gettysburg UndressRothco Press, Sept., 2014
Ekphrastia Gone Wild (edited by)Ain’t Got No Press, Jul., 2013
Nothing in New England is NewAin’t Got No Press, Mar., 2013
Death of a Mauve BatAin’t Got No Press, Jan., 2012
The Night Goes On All NightNoir Inspired Poems (edited by)
Ain’t Got No Press, Nov., 2011
Sinzibuckwud!Ain’t Got No Press, Jan., 2011
We Put Things In Out MouthsAin’t Got No Press, Jan., 2010
A Poet’s Haggadah (edited by)Ain’t Got No Press, Apr., 2008
A Man With No Teeth Serves Us BreakfastAin’t Got No Press, May, 2007
I’d Like to Bake Your GoodsAin’t Got No Press, Jan., 2006
Stolen MummiesAin’t Got No Press, Feb., 2003
Brendan Constantine is My Kind of TownInevitable Press, Sept., 2001
Up Liberty’s SkirtCassowary Press, March, 2001
Feeding Holy CatsCassowary Press, May, 2000
I’m a Jew, Are You?Cassowary Press, May, 2000
Mowing FargoSacred Beverage Press, Dec., 1998
Lizard King of the LaundromatThe Inevitable Press, Feb., 1998
I Am My Own Orange CountyAin’t Got No Press, May, 1997
Paris: It’s The CheeseAin’t Got No Press, May, 1996
about the authorRick Lupert has been involved in the LosAngeles poetry community since 1990. Heserved for two years as a co-director of theValley Contemporary Poets, a thirty-fiveyear old non-profit literary organizationbased in the San Fernando Valley. His poetryhas appeared in numerous magazinesand literary journals, including The LosAngeles Times, Chiron Review, The CCARJournal, Rattle, Stirring, PoeticDiversity.org,Zuzu's Petals, Caffeine Magazine, BlueSatellite and others. He edited the anthologies Ekhrastia Gone Wild, TheNight Goes on All Night - Noir Inspired Poetry and A Poet’s Haggadah:Passover through the Eyes of Poets anthology and is the author of 20books: Professor Clown on Parade, Romancing the Blarney Stone, DonutFamine, Making Love to the 50 Ft. Woman, The Gettysburg Undress(Rothco Press), Paris: It’s The Cheese, I Am My Own Orange County, Mow-ing Fargo, I'm a Jew. Are You?, Stolen Mummies, I’d Like to Bake YourGoods, A Man With No Teeth Serves Us Breakfast, We Put Things In OurMouths, Sinzibuckwud, Death of a Mauve Bat, Nothing in New England IsNew (Ain’t Got No Press), Lizard King of the Laundromat, Brendan Constantineis My Kind of Town (Inevitable Press), Feeding Holy Cats and Up Liberty’sSkirt (Cassowary Press). He hosted the long running Cobalt Café readingseries in Canoga Park for almost twenty one years (1994-2014) and is regularlyfeatured at venues throughout Southern California.
Rick created and maintains the Poetry Super Highway, an online publicationand resource for poets. (http://PoetrySuperHighway.com/)
He also writes and draws (with Brendan Constantine) the daily web comic“Cat and Banana” and writes the Jewish Poetry column “From the Lupert-verse” for www.JewishJournal.com.
Currently Rick works as music teacher at Southern California synagoguesand as a freelance graphic and web designer for anyone who would like tohelp pay his mortgage.
He lives in Van Nuys, California with his wife Addie, son Jude, and five cats.(Which is far more cats than his wife would prefer.)
Photo by Alexis Rhone Fancher
AGNP