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The Compassionate Friends
Northern Virginia and DC Chapters
Arlington, Fairfax, Leesburg, Prince William,
Reston, Virginia and Washington, DC
VOLUME 19, NO. 5 MAY 2010
Calendar and Contacts 2
Arlington Chapter 3
Fairfax Chapter 4
Leesburg Chapter 6
Prince William Chapter 7
TCF Reston 8
Washington DC Chapter 9
Our Children remembered 10
Inside this issue:
The mission of The Compassionate Friends is to assist families in the positive resolution of grief following the death of a child and to provide information to help others be supportive.
WISDOM As bereaved mothers, we know the joys and the pain of Mother's Day. Through the life and death of our child, we have loved much and lost much. We are far better people because of our children. Our wisdom surpasses anything we could have considered possible before our child died, for now we know loss, the darkest places of the human psyche, the deepest valley of the soul and the depths of insurmountable pain. This wisdom was not chosen by us. It is, nevertheless, our wisdom and experience to share with others as we choose. It is ours to keep in our minds as we live a life without our child. It is the purest wisdom one finds on this side of the moon.
We will continue to learn much about life as we live on after our child has gone. We were active participants in the lives of our children; we must be active participants in the mourning and grief following the deaths of our children. From this experience we grow....it is painful growth, but it is absolute growth of mind and spirit. As our growth increases exponentially, we find that, wondrously, we have come full circle.
One day we choose to focus on the life of our child. When that day comes, as it does for each of us, we are released from the darkness and despair and gently enter into the ambient glow of the light hope. Tentatively we take our first steps into the light. Then gradually we move with more confidence. The light glows brighter as we accept the healing it provides to us. As we heal, we reach out,
we return to life, we work a little
harder, love more deeply, and give freely to others. Our perspective turns outward. We will still reflect, but we will not be enveloped by our grief. We will laugh again, we will smile. We will even act spontaneously on occasion. We will live....live in the shining light of hope.
And so, gentle mother, as you mark Mother's Day, 2008, think of your child's life. Think of love. Think of times passed and those to come. Think of your journey. Think about your vast wisdom. Think about hope. You are a remarkable work in progress. Think about that. Peace to you on Mother's Day,
Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my only child, Todd Mennen
May, 2008 TCF, Katy, TX
____________________________________________________ Our Members in the News
Chuck Collins, TCF National Board Member, and Kathy Collins, our Regional Coordinator, are chairing the 2010 National Conference in Arlington, VA July 2-4. Chuck and Kathy are also members of the Fairfax Chapter. They were recently featured in an NPR article. You can read the article online at: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=125342204
You can register online for the 33rd TCF National Conference! Visit http://www.compassionatefriends.org for more information.
Seeking Newsletter Volunteer TCF NoVA DC is looking for someone to take over the job of compiling this newsletter starting in 2011. The job entails:
Compiling newsletters from each chapter into one PDF
Emailing the finished newsletter to the printer
Emailing the newsletter to chapter leaders and newsletter editors of each chapter who will distribute to their subscribers
Help is available to get you started. If you’re interested or have questions, please email Kate at [email protected]
May 2010 Meetings
Wed. May 5 7:30 PM Fairfax Chapter 7:30 PM Leesburg Chapter
Sat. May 8 2-4 PM TCF Reston
Thu. May 13 7:30 PM Arlington Chapter
Wed. May 19 7-9 PM Washington DC Chapter
Thu. May 20 7:30 PM Prince William Chapter
VOLUME 19, NO. 5 PAGE 2
Arlington Chapter Contact: Lois Copeland (301) 530-1115 [email protected]
Trinity Presbyterian Church 5533 N.16th St Arlington, VA Second Thursdays 7:30 PM
Fairfax Chapter Contact: Carol Marino [email protected] or Jane Trimble [email protected] Chapter Phone: (703) 622-3639
OLD ST.MARY’S HALL, next to St. Mary’s Historic Church and Cemetery Fairfax Station Rd and Route 123 Fairfax, VA 22030 First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Leesburg Chapter Contact: Bev or Bernie Elero (540) 882-9707
St. James Episcopal Church Janney Parlor 14 Cornwall St NW Leesburg, VA First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Prince William Chapter Contact: Ken Adams (703) 361-6574 [email protected]
Grace United Methodist Church Library, 2nd Floor 9750 Wellington Rd Manassas, VA Third Thursdays 7:30 PM
TCF Reston (for no surviving children) Contact: Harriett Evenson (VA) (703) 525-9311 Sharon Skarzynski (MD) (410) 757-5049
North County Gov Bld. Reston Police Station Bld. 12000 Bowman Towne Drive Reston, VA
Second Saturdays 2-4 PM (for no surviving children)
Washington, DC Chapter Contact: Olivia Gunter (301) 552-2798
The Howard University The Blackburn Center 2397 Sixth Street, NW Washington, DC 20059
Third Wednesdays 7-9 PM
Please send “Love Gifts” to: Kent Womack 1013 Riverside Dr. Woodstock, VA 22664
Please send “Love Gifts” to: John Trimble 5209 Wenlock Way Burke,VA 22015
Please send “Love Gifts” to: Mrs.Anne Shattuck 224 Walnut Ridge Ln. Palmyra, VA 22963
Please send “Love Gifts” to: Peggy Beach 10404 Schaeffer Lane Nokesville, VA 20181
Please send “Love Gifts” to: Coralease Ruff 3314 Applegrove Ct. Oak Hill, VA 20171
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC
Newsletter Team
Editor Kate Morton Orf [email protected]
Database Manager Allen Lawrence [email protected]
Treasurer Kent Womack 1013 Riverside Drive Woodstock, VA 22664 [email protected]
Reporters Arlington Lois Copeland, [email protected]
Fairfax Steve Marshall, [email protected]
District of Columbia Michelle Lake, [email protected]
Leesburg Bridget Elero, [email protected]
Prince William Jennifer Clark, [email protected]
Reston Kathy Grapski, [email protected]
Regional Coordinator Kathy Collins [email protected] 4505 Rachael Manor Drive Fairfax, VA 22032
TCF National Headquarters PO Box 3696 Oak Brook IL 60522-3696 http://www.compassionatefriends.org (877) 969-0010 (Toll-Free)
Arlington Website http://www.tcfarlington.org Webmaster: Mary M.Bell [email protected]
Fairfax Website www.tcffairfax.org
Leesburg Website http://www.tcfleesburg.org [email protected]
Prince William Website http://www.tcfprincewilliam.org [email protected]
PAGE 3 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
TCF Meeting: May 13, 2010 Place: Trinity Presbyterian Church Time: 7:30 p.m. ************************************************
Chapter Information
*Honor your children, siblings and grandchildren at the 2010 TCF Conference helping our chapter sponsor the Sibling Orientation. We are asking, you, our members to donate to this important event. Please send your 2010 Conference love gifts to Kent Womack, 1013 Riverside Drive, Woodstock, VA 22664. We also need volunteers for the National Conference, July 2-4. E-mail Kathy and Chuck Collins for further details: [email protected]. *You received your conference packets in the mail and you can download the information on line. There are so many workshops, sharing sessions, the walk, and opportunities to volunteer and sponsor an event in your child’s memory. *************************************************
Information/Resources Survivors of Suicide, survivorsofsuicide.com Parents of Murdered Children, [email protected]
1-888-818-7662 Haven of Northern Virginia, havenofnova.org 703-944-7000 SHARE (Pregnancy& Infant Loss Support, Inc.) 800-821-6819, nationalshareoffice.com Washington Regional Transplant Community (WRTI) 703-641-0100, TCF Chat Room-compassionatefriends.org offers opportunities for grief sharing among parents, siblings and grandparents. The rooms supply support, encouragement and friendship. There are general bereavement sessions as well as more specific sessions. Visit our website and click “Online Support” in the “Resources” column. ******************************************************
Mother’s Day Journal Entry, 14 May 2000, Week 15 Mother’s Day without David. We just returned from the beach. I envisioned the day as unbearable, but it didn’t turn out as terrible as I thought. I feel guilty and unfeeling. Why didn’t I feel his absence more? This morning I went to the cemetery and planted flowers, placed a new picture by his marker and wrote a Mother’s Day card to David. Then Jay, Jonathan, our dog and I left for the beach to visit Amy. Jonathan and Amy planned a wonderful day. Together they prepared a delicious brunch. I prayed and read David’s poem at the table and placed his picture nearby. They were supportive and loving. We went to the beach with the dogs and looking back they were a distraction. To finish the day we went out for a scrumptious Mother’s Day dinner. When it came time to leave I started crying and continued in the car home. Was being at the beach unreality? Was grieving all week and planning for the day helpful? Seems coldhearted. My child is gone and I have some peace with my other children. This does not seem right. I am confused.
~Lois Copeland, TCF, Arlington VA~
Our Newly Bereaved With the deepest compassion, we extend our hands and hearts in friendship and understanding. We welcome you and hope we may ease your journey through grief.
Peter Zinsli, brother of Jonathan Zinsli
Book Review When a Baby Dies By Martha Jo Church, R.N., M.S.M., Helen Chazin, and Faith Murray Ewald. With the collaboration from JoAnne Matzke, Karen McBreath, R.N., and Bruce Conley. The Compassionate Friends, Inc., P.O. Box 3696, Oak Brook, Ill, 60522-3696 The death of a new baby, or stillborn, brings a sudden and dreadful end to happy plans and expectation. Instead, there are tears, questions, concerns that the parents might have failed in some important, but unknown, manner. This little booklet (30 pages) addresses those questions, and others, in a kind yet practical manner. The introduction asks the bereaved parents to “accept this booklet, not as a map for your journey, for everyone’s journey is different, but rather as a collection of signposts and landmarks along the way.” Chapter headings touch on the concerns that arise: “I feel so Empty – How Can I go On?”, “Why Can’t the World Stop For a While?”, “Where Go I Go From Here?” and “What about Another Baby?” in sympathetic and straightforward language, each of these questions is considered, discussed, explained. There are decisions to be faced immediately, such as seeing and holding the baby, services, burial. Decisions about what to do with the baby things can be eased with the loving help of a friend or relative immediately or after a time of grieving, according to the parents’ wishes. The seeming indifference of friends and relatives is discussed (often a result of not knowing how to approach the bereaved parents, or how to talk about the loss). Bereavement and intimacy are discussed in an understanding, sensitive manner, as are the questions of whether or when to attempt another pregnancy or an adoption. To one who has “been down that road,” this is a small treasure, would that parents who go to the hospital happy and excited, and leave with empty arms, could be given the comfort this booklet provides.
This book and others can be found at our library on the main level of the church.
~by Mary Frances Moriarty, TCF, Arlington, VA~ **************************************************** **Please don’t forget to return the information form, even if there is no change.
Love Gifts
Steve and Karen Leibowitz, in loving memory of their son, David Leibowitz
Mindy and Roger LaBruno, in loving memory of their son, Bryan Sean Miller
John and Barbara Murphy, in loving memory of their son, Richard Shepherd Murphy
PAGE 4 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Welcome to our new members
We welcome our new families with open arms: DIANE JEFFERS
of Fairfax, Va., mother of Matthew A. Jeffers JEFF & PEGGI JOHNSON
of Vienna, Va., parents of Jordan McLeod Johnson RYAN & MELISSA WEST
of Great Falls, Va., parents of Colton West
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Many thanks! Thanks to all of you who have sent cards, thoughts and prayers to us throughout the past weeks during John's surgery, hospital stay and home recovery. John has a difficult road ahead but hopes to return to meetings soon. It has meant so much to us to know how much we mean to all of you. Love and hugs to you all, John and Jane Trimble. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
PASSAGE By Carol Marino
In Loving Memory of Leigh Anne Marino
May 15 ~ December 8
The passage of a season into another often appears effortless but always brings change. Seasons change throughout our lives as we do. We think of how much we have changed since Leigh Anne died. We are not the same people we once were. We have new perspectives on life, the world and those around us. The passage of ourselves into this new life has now become a part of our cumulative life experience and will define us and our actions in the years ahead.
Since the loss of our child, every change is made with her in mind. What would she say about the new friends we have made, the places we have traveled and what we have done in our lives? What would she think about the changes to our home where she lived? What would she think about the state of the world? new technologies? new ways of society? (she would love Facebook, Twitter and IPhones )
(continued in next column)
We continue to believe that she is watching and will always be a part of those changes that are often so difficult for us to make without her, passages to a new existence. As our world changes, so does hers as we are forever bonded. The passage in April of her sweet little dog Nikki from her earthly family into Leigh Anne’s world was heart breaking for us but so joyful for her to be reunited with a special part of her family. We know she welcomed her over the Rainbow Bridge and they will be forever together until our passage comes and we will join them too. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
The following poem is submitted by John and Carol Marino
in Memory of Leigh Anne who was born in May and loved Lilacs!
LILACS By Sascha Wagner
Come look at May with me, the world is music.
The lilacs laugh and every meadow sings.
Your heart forgets to think of spring or summer,
forgets the grief that happened in the snow.
Until a memory moves into sunlight to bring the child,
the child who is not here.
Still, look at May with me and hear the music.
And – for a moment – hear the lilacs weep.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TCF featured on National Public Radio
Please visit www.npr.org to read Linton Weeks' recent article on The Compassionate Friends. You may recognize Kathy and Chuck Collins in the story! Thanks for your submissions, which may be sent to Steve Marshall at [email protected] by the first of the month, give or take a few days.
PAGE 5 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
Holding Onto Our Children’s Love In loving Memory of Tiffanie Amber Collins
By Chuck Collins The month of May is a bittersweet time of year for our family. May contains the anniversaries of our daughter’s birth and death, as well as the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. After Tiffanie died at age nineteen, I will never forget the horror of those devastating early days of grief, filled with unrelenting physical and emotional pain and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. As I cherish my memories of Tiffanie fourteen years later, I compare the depths of my initial despair after her death to my feelings now, so many years after she left us. To me, the below passages signify that holding onto Tiffanie’s love has enabled our family to continue to heal and gradually learn to enjoy our lives again. During the first two years after Tiffanie’s death, I documented my emotional struggle by writing: “…We could never be the same people – the same family – without Tiffanie in our lives. “ © “ …I asked myself how we could possibly survive without Tiffanie in our lives. I then wondered why we would want to keep living at all.”© Ten years after documenting my raw emotional turmoil in the early days of grief, my healing progress was obvious and my perspective had drastically changed as I wrote: “Our children may be physically gone from this world, but their love sustains us always. We share an amazing bond with them that becomes the key to our ultimate survival. This love is so strong, it eventually empowers us to overcome our sadness and suffering. We can derive great strength from this endless reservoir of love whenever we feel lonely or depressed. “© “Our children remain alive in our hearts. Regardless of how they died, we will always cherish the honor of being their parents. We can find new meaning by dedicating the rest of our lives to ensuring they are never forgotten… With each new form of remembrance, we feel their love and honor their lives.” I can only hope these words will encourage everyone who reads this to always hold onto your children’s love. In time, you too will smile again and rediscover hope in your lives, as you cherish a special love that never dies. This article contains copyrighted materials reprinted with permission from Holding Onto Love: Searching for Hope When a Child Dies (www.holdingontolove.com).
Happy 31st Birthday Leslie Ann Conners Leslie's life was not and could not be defined by certain words or phrases. She was very definitely her own person. I found this affirmation years before Leslie died, at a time when I was searching for "something bigger in my life." As the years passed, and I reread the words, it became clear to me that these words helped explain Leslie's belief in her own life. It was evident in the year before her death that her life was changing and if she could have put that into words, these would have been the words.
AN AFFIRMATION I invent my life. I am responsible for what I do with the materials I have. If some limit or handicap, a prior commitment, or lack, stands in my way, I can work with the handicap as a tool, and the limit as a prayer. God is present to my losses, I am needed to join in the dance, and shape my becoming as I must. No one is finally myself except me, and I am the only one who can fill my shoes. I am a student of all of life, and my learning can continue and assist others, always. In the welter of circumstance, in the depths of the night, in the midst of suffering, I turn my heart to the God of all religions, and I make my peace. I am not alone, and I am not unheard. I am joined with the river of all rivers, and the peace foretold by all scriptures is mine to build. -- Michael Fitzgerald Happy Birthday our beautiful Angel - we have been, were and are so proud of the person you became while with us. Love Forever and Always - Dad, Mom, Michele, Jay and Morgan (Production note: Leslie has an April birthday but the issue had already closed so we are printing this in its entirety)
PAGE 6 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
Anticipating Mother’s Day
Before we lost our children to death, Mother’s Day was a happy time. We each reflect back on Mother’s Days past…...gifts, cards, special memories and one day set aside to acknowledge the best in our relationship with our treasured children.
With the death of our child, this dynamic was forever transfigured. Now, instead of looking forward to this day, we grasp at anything that will keep our minds away from it. Yet the anxiety still creeps into our minds and hearts; our stomachs churn and tears fill our eyes at the most inopportune moments. The dreadful countdown begins in late April and lasts for nearly three weeks.
This is the fifth Mother’s Day I have endured since the death of my son. Each year I have the same, desperate anxiety, yet each year the day is a bit easier to handle. Each year the anticipation is far worse than the day itself…. “borrowing trouble” as my dad would say. Since my son is my only child, I do not have the comfort of other children nor do I have the need to put on a happy face. Instead, I am able to choose what I will do without feeling the burden of guilt.
While my first Mother’s Day was filled with tears, subsequent Mother’s Days have been more subdued.
The choice to embrace or ignore Mother’s Day is yours alone. Many bereaved mothers adopt a new perspective which honors their child and still gives normalcy to their family. Mother’s Day is bittersweet for us. The pain is part of the love that we will feel for our children for eternity. We wouldn’t trade one treasured moment for a cosmic reduction of our pain.
Some of us plan the day carefully. Some of us just “go with the flow.” Some of us weep; some of us work. Some of us read, some of us revel in this special moment set aside just for mothers. Each of us makes a choice that is based on our own truth.
The day itself is not nearly as overwhelming as the buildup of anxiety and sadness which precedes it. I have found this to be true of all holidays, birthdays, death anniversaries and special occasions. I am trying to live in the moment. When the moment of Mother’s Day happens, I will decide what I should do. I refuse to let others pressure me. I refuse to become maudlin over greeting card commercials and heart-grabbing point-of-purchase marketing efforts. I will not be manipulated by the agenda of others.
But on Mother’s Day, as on each day of the year, I will think of my son, remembering the child he was and the man he became. I will honor his life by doing the best I can with what is left of my life. I will remain in the moment and treasure my memories. And for this mother, that is enough.
Annette Mennen Baldwin In memory of my son, Todd Mennen
TCF, Katy, TX
MAY 2010 Leesburg Chapter
For All Bereaved Mothers I wish you a gentle Mothers’s Day For I know what you feel I know how you miss your child Your heart I wish I could heal For those who lost an only child I know your pain today For I once walked in your shoes My tears fell like rain I know your hearts so very much My heart feels the same We’ll always miss our child On every Mother’s Day God Bless each and everyone of you. Sharon Bryant, Andy’s Mom
Love Gifts
We greatly appreciate a love gift from Kay Turley and Roger Lavallee, grandparents of Paige Mackenzie Johnson.
PAGE 7 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
Bent But Not Broken
To the mother who has lost her only child, or has no surviving children, the thought of Mother’s Day sends a stabbing pain that only the ones of us who are in this situation can understand. We begin to notice Mother’s Day cards slipped in right after Valentine’s Day along with the Easter cards. Even before Easter the TV advertising starts. We try to blot this all out but our subconscious keeps reminding us, the day is coming closer. For the first two years we celebrated Mother’s Day for my mother and sister very quietly. The third year after my daughter Shawna’s death, we decided to go to a local restaurant featuring a nice buffet. We arrived early hoping to avoid the crowd. A very flustered hostess greeted us and found a table for us. The tables had been pushed close together to accommodate more people. It was already becoming very crowded. She asked the question, “How many mothers?” It was then we noticed the flowers she was carrying. Someone managed to stammer out, three – three mothers. She handed us each a flower, while glancing around to find a table for the next group of people. She didn’t notice the one she handed me was pretty battered.
My sister wanted to give me hers or get another. “No, it’s ok,” I said. The stem was bent, but not broken completely. A wilted tired flower was hanging from the stem.
I brought it home and propped it up in a glass of water to revive it. You see, I could identify with that flower. As a mother without my child, I have felt so bruised and battered. Somehow through all the pain, tears and loneliness, like the flower, I have been bent but never quite broken.
Donna Frechec TCF, Enid, OK
ADJUSTED "It's been several years since you died," They say, "Surely, you must have adjusted by now." Yes, I am adjusted - - Adjusted to feeling pain And sadness and grief And guilt and loss. Adjusted to hurting and unexpected tears. Adjusted to seeing people made uncomfortable upon Hearing me say, "My son died." Adjusted to losing my best friend because I'm not always "up." Adjusted to people acting as if grief is contagious And TCF meetings are "morbid." Adjusted? Oh, yes, to many things. Knowing I won't hear his voice, but listening for it still. Knowing I won't see him drive his Toronado. But staring at every one I see. Adjusted to feeling empty on his birthday And wishing for just one more time with him. Adjusted: As life goes on - - To realizing I cannot expect everyone I meet To wear a bandage - - just because I am still bleeding…
Shirley Blakely Curle TCF, Central AR
Thought for the Day
It is pretty impossible to remember back to our babyhood days, when first learning to walk meant a lot of stumbling and falling. But things got easier and we moved faster when someone held our hand. Being a bereaved parent is something like that—a lot of stumbling. But I have found some “compassionate friends” to hold my hand and make things easier. I’m walking a lot better now, even though I still stumble and fall at times.
TCF, NW Central Jersey Chapter
P R I N C E W I L L I A M C H A P T E R
PAGE 8 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
TCF RESTON GROUP May 2010
May brings Mother’s Day; a day that is most difficult for so many of us. Our precious child is not here to celebrate with us. I found this poem to Mom’s and thought it was appropriate for this month. Have the best day that you can as you remember the wonderful Mother’s Days spent with your child and possibly your own Mom in years past.
Please Don’t Cry
Please don’t sit round my grave and cry, I am not there, I did not die. What makes you think that I would leave? I’m with you mom, so please don’t grieve. Our bond on earth was much too strong, Our love will carry on and on… I’m with you as you go to bed, I plant sweet kisses on your head, I’m in the wind, the rain, the snow, I’m with you everywhere you go. Please don’t cry mommy, can’t you see? I’m safe my spirit soars, I’m free. By: Dawn Glenton ______________________
You’ll Pardon Me if I bring you down or make you feel discomfort, and I’ll Pardon You for not understanding that my life will never be the same. That although I’ll survive, there will always be sorrow.
Joan Fischer TCF Nassau County Chapter, NY
Reinvestments: Spring is a great time for reinvestments in your child’s memory. ~ A park bench in your local park, church or
school ~ Planting a tree at their former school or in a park or community area ~ Flowers at your church or another community area. ~ Sponsor a child to attend camp through your local Parks & Recreation Office ~ Sponsor a local T-ball or baseball league There are so many wonderful ways to remember and honor your daughter or son. Please let us know what you have done. We will list the ideas in the upcoming news pages.
At meetings we have discussed the fact that we don’t have a “name” there are widows and widowers and orphans but what are we? I found this in a newsletter of the Bereaved Parents of the USA… We are the rememberers, the people left behind to keep the one who’s gone from us alive in heart and mind, the people left to cherish and preserve a legacy…yes we are the rememberers, and we will always be.”
By: Mr. and Mrs. Saunders in memory of their daughter Wendy
Reston, VA Compassionate Friends is a group of parents who are now childless. We meet at the No. County Government Center, Reston Police Station Bldg., 12000 Bowman Towne Drive, Reston from 2:00 – 4:00 PM on the 2nd Saturday of each month. Virginia residents call Harriett Evenson at 703-525-9311; Maryland residents call Sharon Skarzynski at 410-757-5049 or [email protected] Contact Kathy Grapski @ [email protected] or 301-253-5509 if you would like to put a poem or article on this page. Deadline is the 2nd of each month.
PAGE 9 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
Mothers Day 10 Years Later Remembering Darnell Gunter
Lately, I have been feeling rather low. I realized why – its two weeks before Mothers Day. Next month I will have to face the tenth Mother’s Day since I lost you. This is another special day that I have to face without you. As I reflect on the last ten years, I ponder just how I made it this far. I appreciate the support from family and friends. Yet I know that TCF has been my life line. It is comforting to share with someone that has walked in your shoes. I do not know where I would be without TCF. At TCF I met other parents that share the same pain and reach out for the same hope. These parents gave me understanding, support and hope to move thru my grief journey. With them I learned to face the hurt and pain. As those parents were there for me 10 years ago, I am here for newly bereaved parents. TCF has helped me to heal and now I can help other parents to heal. All that I do is in honor of you and I know that you are pleased. It has been a long, difficult grief journey for me. It has not gotten better, it is different. No, I do not cry everyday, but I still cry. My heart still aches and I feel that a part of me is missing. My only comfort is that I know where you are. As a parent once shared with me, I now know an angel by name. Sometimes I feel your presence and am reminded that your spirit is always with me. When I see a butterfly fluttering by, I think of you and my heart smiles.
I cherish the memories and hold on to the many things you taught me. You taught me to be humble and appreciate the small things in life. Be kind to people and share. Don’t be afraid and let people know that you love them. I will face Mothers Day 2010 with you in my heart. Love Mom
Please remember to submit your poems, stories, or a special note to your loved one to be placed in the June Newsletter by May 2nd. Please let us hear from you. Thank you for your cooperation. Michelle Lake, 202-421-6618, [email protected]
WE NEED YOUR HELP! There is much work to be done in preparation for our 33rd National Conference – July 2-4, 2010. Volunteers are needed to work on the Conference/Registration Bag Committee. We need help in collecting items for the conference bags. Also, we need volunteers to help stuff the bags in June (two weeks prior to the conference). If you have ideas, suggestions, or questions, please contact Olivia. Please let me know if you can help. Thank you
Steering Committee
DC Chapter Chapter Leader Olivia Gunter (Darnell’s Mom) 301 552-2798 (h) [email protected] Co-Leader: Michelle Lake (Joshua’s Mom) 202-421-6618 (h) [email protected] Secretary: Vacant Treasurer: Coralease C. Ruff (Kandy’s mom) 202 806-5576 (w) 703 620-0236 (h) [email protected] Hostess/ Refreshment: Cecil Robinson (Mary Elizabeth’s father) 202-829-1621 Members at Large Reginald Woodard (Reggie Jr’s dad) 202-806-9825 Siblings Representative: Diana Black (Amber’s Sister) 443-739-0223 [email protected] Newsletter Reporter: Michelle Lake (Joshua’s mom) 571-227-3016 (w) 202-421-6618 (h) [email protected] Asst. Reporter/Editor: Joanettia Grier (Jarrett’s mom) 202-291-8560 (h) [email protected] Webmaster: Tanya Smith (Darnell Jr.’s Mom) 202-305-9708 (w) 301-808-1007 (h)
PAGE 10 VOLUME 19, NO. 5 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC
Shay Allen Jul 21 May 30
Darcel and Josh Allen Fairfax
Joseph Amoury Aug 08 May 31
Cathy and Jeff Amoury Fairfax
Troy Maurice Anderson
May 17 Apr 3 Lynn Anderson-Carter
DC
Donald Gordon Barrett May 14 May 03
Kathy and Don Barrett Reston
Alyssa LeighAnn Beach May 27 Jan 11
Peggy Beach Prince William
Brittany Binsted Sep 28 May 12
Carol and Ron Binsted Fairfax
Sydney Black May 01 May 16 Timothy Black
Fairfax
Mathew Brindle May 23 Dec 05
Eugene and Connie Brindle Arlington
Casey Butler
May 20 Jun 11 Robin Sanford
Fairfax
LCPL Nicolas Cain Jan 31 May 08
Beth and Michael Belle Fairfax
Eunice Calcaterra
May 10 Feb 02 Lynette and Dennis Calcaterra
Fairfax
Keith Clark Aug 23 May 09
Meedie Bardonille DC
Tiffanie Amber Collins May 19 May 06
Charles and Kathy Collins Fairfax
Joel Culpepper May 15 Feb 22
Iris and Hurare Culpepper Fairfax
Evan Mathew Cuomo Dec 23 May 31
Amanda & Justin Cuomo Fairfax
James Russell Dail Apr 16 May 04
Margaret Armstrong Leesburg
Joan Margaret Daley May 12 May 28
Tim and Annette Daley Arlington
James Curtis Deskins
May 22 Aug 29 Vandy and Connie Deskins
Prince William
Angelina Isabella DeVita May 04
James and Lisa DeVita Arlington
Korri Summer Duffield Jul 29 May 31
Troy and Samantha Duffield Prince William
Theanros "Teddy" Ayalneh Ejigu May 24 Feb 03
Ayalneh and Webishaw Ejigu Arlington
Frank Franklin Mar 08 May 01
Brenda Ford DC
Danny Frank May 23 Jul 07
Nancy and Mike Frank Fairfax
Thomas Brendan "Tom" Gallagher
Oct 18 May 04 Robert and June Gallagher
Arlington
Meghan Gambino May 30 Mar 01 Jeff Gambino
Fairfax
Patrick Ryan Gay May 23 Jul 15
Pam and Tom Gay Prince William
Peter Christopher Johnson May 18
Neire & John Johnson Fairfax
Matthew Lanzaro May 24 Jun 06
Marilyn and Robert Lanzaro Fairfax
Alexis Michelle Laureano
Aug 21 May 07 Richard and Hellen Laureano
Prince William
Barry Mitchell Lawrence Nov 18 May 22
Allen and Louise Lawrence Brette Lawrence
Arlington
David Lebowitz May 05 Sep 17
Steve and Karen Lebowitz Arlington
Stephen Lokke Jan 20 May 10
Rita Lokke Arlington
Timothy Lee Long Sep 21 May 07
Lee and Sandra Long Leesburg
Jose Roberto Lozano Nov 28 May 14 Bertha Lozano
Leesburg
Madeleine Machi May 05 May 23
Mark and Angelika Machi Arlington
Brian Scott Margolis Aug 28 May 08 Linda Margolis
Fairfax
PAGE 11 THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS • NORTHERN VIRGINIA AND DC VOLUME 19, NO. 5
Leigh Anne Marino May 15 Dec 08
Carol and John Marino Fairfax
Thomas Marshall
Jan 19 May 11 Andrew and Beth Marshall
Leesburg
Pamela Marealle Oct 16 May 05 Felista Koaale
Reston
Brenda Marealle May 05
Felista Koaale Reston
Bryan Sean Miller May 04 Nov 12
Roger and Mindy LaBruno Arlington
Maci Danielle Miller Feb 05 May 12 Michael Miller Prince William
Chris Edward Morawetz Dec 13 May 02
Caolyn and Art Foley Reston
Jessica Morgan May 06 Aug 24 Marie Morgan
Fairfax
Richard Shephard Murphy May 11 May 21
John and Barbara Murphy Arlington
Erin Aurora Navarrette Nov 11 May 13
Luis and Julie Navarrette Fairfax
Alison Elizabeth Nichols May 01 Nov 25
Karen and Ted Nichols Leesburg
Matthew Charles Oliver Jan 18 May 23
Susan Oliver Prince William
Patricia Annette "Patti" Ware Oct 03 May 11
Ronald and Dawn Cain Arlington
Lydia Margaret Petkoff
May 24 Jun 14 Susan Carter
Fairfax
Chris Porter May 02 Sep 16
Russ and Nancy Porter Prince William
Ronald "Chad"wick Powell
May 22 Aug 09 Ron and Patty Powell
Prince William
Bradon Rogers May 24 Oct 29 Shane Rogers
Fairfax
Candice Monique Ruff May 30 Jan 31
Willie and Coralease Ruff DC
Caroline Schippereit Oct 29 May 21
Marianne and Stuart Schippereit Fairfax
Daniel Selmonosky Jul 31 May 16
Sonia and Carlos Selmomosky Arlington
David Eugene Semanchick May 02 Oct 23
Eugene and Joanne Semanchick Arlington
Chris Smith
Jan 03 May 30 Lauren Smith
Fairfax
Hayden Whitney Smith Jan 15 May 04
Julia and Peter Smith Fairfax
Jennifer Rebecca Taber
Jul 18 May 10 Carol Brunegar Prince William
James Robert Vollmer Dec 27 May 04
Nancy and Jim Vollmer Reston
Nicole Wade May 22 Sep 24
Patty and Rhett Wade Leesburg
Colin West Mar 25 May 30
Hilary and Louis West Fairfax
Samuel Wilson Oct 22 May 25
Maria and Jason Wilson Joyce and Ken Wilson
Leesburg
Robert Williams May 01 Mar 22 Lenora Bracey
DC
Kent Andrew Jackson "Andy" Womack
May 22 May 16 Kent and Karen Womack
Arlington
Jennifer Wysocki May 11 Jun 27
Edward and Marlene Wysocki Prince William
Jonathan Zanin May 20 May 07
Coleen and Mark Zanin Fairfax
Michael Zmidzinski Feb 17 May 26 Renee Youngs
Arlington
Michael Alexander Zmidsinski Feb 17 May 26 Andy Zmidzinski
Arlington
Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new, I thought of you yesterday, and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.
~ Author unknown
NONPROFIT ORG U.S.POSTAGE
PAID ARLINGTON, VA PERMIT NO.348
Compassionate Friends Trinity Presbyterian Church 5533 North 16th Street Arlington, VA 22205
Address Service Requested
MAY 2010MAY 2010