O T A G O

C L I

M B E R

Afiq on the Red Wall at Sebastapol Photo: Claire Gilder

April 2020

NEWSLETTER OF THE OTAGO SECTION NZAC

Isolation Edition

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Dear Members,

Not to put too fine a point on it, but this whole COVID-19 situation sucks. Stay at home? Don’t go out except to buy groceries or medicine? You can exercise outside, but climbing/mountaineering/tramping/kayaking/surfing is verboten? What kind of life is this?

The answer is that it is the kind of life that we will have to suffer through for the next four weeks if we, the New Zealand community, want to keep the death toll from COVID-19 to a reasonable level.

We’ve seen overseas already what happens when the pandemic swamps the capacity of the health care system, and we have this opportunity now to head off the real growth in cases and give ourselves some breathing room.

As climbers, and especially as Otago climbers, I know that we all chafe under even the fuzziest bunny slipper of authority. I know that the rules of the quarantine can seem arbitrary. But adhering to those rules, and especially adhering to the spirit of those rules, is important for reducing transmission of COVID-19 and for reducing the use of hospital resources that could be better spent elsewhere.

What does that mean in practice? It means keep your outdoor activities to really low risk activities in your local area. Walking, running, and cycling are all fine, but maybe leave that gnarly mountain bike ride for another time. Don’t think that, just because you can bike to a local crag (like I can in Dunedin) it means you can go climbing since you’re not driving there. It doesn’t. Just because an activity hasn’t been explicitly forbidden, it doesn’t mean you should be doing it. Government and health officials shouldn’t have to waste their time spelling out precisely what you can and can’t do.

Evaluating risk is a necessary skill for every climber, and we all learn at some time in our career when to back off. Now is the time to back off. Those trips you want to do, the mountains you want to climb: they will still be there one, two, six, twelve months from now. But if we don’t get a handle on this virus now, the people with whom we want to climb those mountains might not be.

Ryan Thomas Chair of the Otago Section

Hello all,

As I’m sure everyone already knows via the email sent out by head office, all member services are being suspended until level four sanctions are lifted.

This means that huts are closed, all events are cancelled, and New Zealand Search and Rescue would really prefer not having to launch any rescues during the next month. So be smart and stay at home.

We have a number of members on the front lines of this working in hospitals. Their job is tough enough as it is, and they really don’t want to see you anytime soon for any reason. To those members: keep up the good work. We all owe you a beer.

Not surprisingly, we don’t know at this point when events will resume. Our section meetings for April and May are both cancelled, as is the Banff Mountain Film Festival. The committee is considering whether to hold the festival later in the year.

In the meantime, I’ve included some links further down to the NZAC Journal Archives and other digital content available online. I look forward to seeing what sorts of trips you all plan!

Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay sane.

Alex Weller, Editor

There are none. Everything is cancelled. Give us another week and we’ll (literally) be climbing the walls. I wonder if the door jams can handle dry tooling? (Note from Chair: the jams can but the paint job can’t)

When What

Every Day Look outside. See if it’s sunny. It is. Sigh.

Every Other Day Look outside. See if it’s sunny. It’s not. Sigh.

MESSAGE FROM THE CHAIR NEWS & NOTICES

UPCOMING EVENTS

TRIPS AND EVENTS

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By Oliver Ewing

Photo: Robin van der Velde

“Come!” they said. “It will be fun!”, they said, and boy were they right. Sebastopol Bluffs, a climbing location I had never heard of, delivered the goods! The fourteen of us who attended the event were lucky enough to spend two blue bird days scaling rock walls near Mt. Cook on a weekend that initially had a questionable weather forecast.

Arriving late from Queenstown, my partner and I quickly scurried into bed to catch some valuable rest knowing the next day was going to be a big one.

The following morning’s sunrise gave light to spectacular mountain views as we prepared breakfast and packed our lunches. After discussing where each party was climbing, we set off to our respective walls.

Most groups decided to head up Red Wall to try their hand at some lower grade multi-pitch. My partner and I thought it would be a good idea to start at Kingfisher Slabs to alleviate congestion on the Red Wall routes.

As the day progressed, groups slowly began appearing at Kingfisher Slabs from Red Wall. Their tales of epic multi-pitch climbs only a stone’s throw away were enough to convince us to pack up and move over.

Not knowing any better we thought we may as well stay high and traverse to Red Wall rather than descending to valley bottom and back up again. After 2

hours of scrambling up landslides, bush bashing through thorny shrubs and plenty of sweat, blood and potentially some tears from Chris, we finally arrived at Red Wall. The day didn’t get much better from there.

If we were to make it back to the lodge in time to help with the group dinner, we only had time for one climb, which was fine, until Chris abseiled past a rap station following re-assurance from me that the rope was long enough to skip it….it wasn’t. He clipped into a bolt and waited for me to rappel down to the correct station and reset the rope. You’d think we’d learnt our lesson and would make use of the second rope we hauled up for the following rappel….we didn’t.

Once again Chris was left dangling with catastrophic knots caught in his prussic. The sun was setting as we reached the bottom and began coiling both ropes. Needless to say, we had missed the chance to help cook dinner and in turn were the appointed dish duty. We gladly accepted.

The night was spent sharing stories of the day’s climbs and getting to know one another. As usual, the room was filled with people of many different nationalities who all offered a unique perspective on each topic we discussed. It’s surprising how much you can learn from people with a different background to yours. Especially when it comes to climbing gear and techniques!

We took a much more casual approach to the second day of climbing since our hands and feet had taken a beating the day before. Footstools looked on as we

TRIP REPORTS

Susi making quick work of the Red Arête. Photo: Ryan Thomas

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attempted to top out the highest bolted route on Red Wall…. we didn’t. My feet hurt too much.

However, I did hide a beer in the backpack that Chris carried up the wall and surprised him with it at the point where we decided to turn back. We clipped into the anchor, chilled out, enjoyed the beer, awed at the views of the surrounding mountains, then rappelled down on our double rope feeling accomplished.

For some of us, myself included, this was the first time attempting multipitch climbing. I couldn’t have asked for a better location or group to experience it with. Having now experienced the amazing variety and abundance of multipitch routes at the bluffs, I’m sure it will become a common destination for my climbing endeavours. I will keep a close eye on the section’s event page and hope to see everyone I met out there again sometime soon!

Eve, Susi and Claire on the top of Red Arete Photo: Claire Gilder

The amazing views from Unwin Lodge Photo: Robin van der Velde

Alex rapping down Mako Shark on Red Wall Photo: Ryan Thomas

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Back in my second year of University, I took a course on folklore and had to write a final essay about some kind of culture or practise. Being a bit iconoclastic (I was NOT going to write about pysanka – Ukrainian Easter Eggs), I chose to do an analysis of climbing jokes to see what they could tell about the culture.

Don’t worry, I won’t subject you to the essay (it’s interesting, but not that interesting), but I figured now was a good time to break out parts of the appendix. I say parts, because I collected about thirty pages of climbing jokes for this paper. So here’s a curated selection of climbing jokes circa 2008. Hey, some of us deal with stress with humour. Enjoy.

Let’s start with some definitions: Solo climber: One climber falling. Alpine style: Lots of climbers falling, tied together. Bouldering: One climber falling and missing a thick mat. Trad: One climber falling on another climber.

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How many boulderers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Seven: one to climb the ladder, another to spot, and five more to yell “Cmon dude, you can do it! CMON!! SEND IT!!”

How many mixed climbers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: one to screw the bulb in, two to pose for the Rock and Ice photographer, and two to explain how much harder the same thing felt with leashes.

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You might be a sport climber if: You don’t understand why a harness needs more than two gear loops. You actually climb more than two routes in one day. None of your climbing shoes have laces. You can actually climb routes rated harder than 5.10. You only know how to tie one knot: a figure eight. You wish someone would get around to bolting that crack climb you really want to do.

You know you’re a trad climber when: All your draws are 12" long. You’ve worn out a set of cams. You quit sport climbing because you can't do any of the routes. You say, "what?" when your leader says, "take! You can wear your climbing shoes all day. You drop your belay device and you still know how to belay. You take a nap in the middle of a climb. You spend three hours removing a fixed cam. You rappel six pitches in the dark. You drop your water bottle and it takes five seconds to hit. You have a great day of climbing then find out you didn't do the route you thought you did. You drive all night so you can climb all day. You drive all night because you climbed all day. You wear socks in your climbing shoes. You coil your rope. You've set up a belay with the only piece of gear left on your rack.

EDITOR’S NOTES: A MOMENT OF LEVITY

The view from the top of Shark Attack on Red Wall Photo: Ryan Thomas

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Top 10 reasons climbing is better than sex 10. Choice of novice or expert routes. 9. A climb can last all day. 8. Guidebooks tell you how many visitors have been there before you. 7. Can pick the length and diameter of your rope. 6. There is always someone backing you up in case you fall off. 5. You can leave your protection behind for the next guy. 4. Lots of tight cracks. 3. It's not considered kinky to wear a harness. 2. The only rubber you wear is on your feet. 1. There are still rocks that haven't been touched.

Top 10 reasons climbing is better than sex: a woman’s perspective 10. The rock is always hard. 9. Rocks are never busy watching football when you'd rather climb. 8. Rocks don't complain about the kind of protection you want to use. 7. You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you. 6. You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you're kinky. 5. You can go climbing any time of the month. 4. It's over when *you* reach the peak. 3. You won't die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear. 2. If it's in too deep, you can yank on a nut. 1. Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing! 0. If you need something REAL BIG, you can always put in a Big Bro'! _____________________________________________________________________________________________

A guide is leading a client up a challenging first ascent. Every time the guide gets to a particularly dangerous section, he stops and puts on the same red shirt. The guide climbs pitch after difficult pitch, beautifully.

As they near the top, the client finally asks about the red shirt. "If I had fallen," says the wise and courageous guide, " this shirt would disguise the blood, and you would not be frightened and loose heart."

"Amazing," thought the client, marvelling at this forethought.

The next day, as they neared the summit, a section more difficult than any before loomed above them. The guide started up, then down climbed and started rummaging in his pack. "What are you looking for?," asked the client. "My brown pants."

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You know you’ve been climbing too long when: Your ice ax is made of wood. When you notice that the contents of the relic walls in climbing shops is newer than you own rack.

Tuesday night climbing Photo: Ryan Thomas

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Climbing Wall Rules “After several years of climbing at the local gym, I have had numerous patrons complain, “Climbing indoors is nothing like the real thing!” So to help you make your facility more like “the real thing” I have compiled the list below for the indoor climbing wall manager: 1. Remove the roof. Rain snow, high winds and the occasional lightning strike

will definitely make it more like the real thing. 2. Bathrooms, saunas, water fountain: gone. 3. It should take at least two hours to drive to the gym and require a high

clearance vehicle 4. Directions to the gym should include such helpful hints such as “Turn left at

the big tree.” 5. Replace the soft mats with dirt, sharp rocks, and plantings of poison oak. 6. Invite local keggers in the gym every weekend. Encourage throwing glass

bottles at the climbing wall. 7. Remove 70 per cent of the lead bolts and ensure the remaining ones are rusty. 8. Climbing holds should randomly pull off the wall. (hint: use Velcro to hold

them on) 9. Assign a staff member whose responsibility is to throw pebbles, dirt, and bird

poop from the top of climbs. 10. Most belay positions should be in precarious positions. If a climber falls,

ensure that they will most likely fall onto a ledge. 11. Seasonally close parts of the gym for “Raptor Nesting.” 12. Start a sand fly farm. With your help, we can turn climbing gyms into a realistic experience! _____________________________________________________________________________________________

A trad climber, a sport climber and a boulderer are walking down a beach and find a bottle. They open it and a genie comes out. The genie says "OK, you know how this works. Three wishes, so you each get one."

The boulderer says, "I want to go to a place where all the hard moves are three feet off the ground and the ground is foam rubber." POOF, gone.

The Sport climber says, "I want to go to a place where there is a bolt every five feet and no off-width cracks." POOF, gone.

The trad climber says, "Let me get this straight: the boulderer is where he wants to be, and the sport climber is where he wants to be." The genie says, "Right." The trad guy says, "How about a ham sandwich and a cold beer?" _____________________________________________________________________________________________

What’s the difference between a fairy tale and a climbing story? A fairy tale begins; "Once upon a time..."and a climbing story begins "No sh*t, there I was..." _____________________________________________________________________________________________

Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together? To prevent the sensible ones from going home! ____________________________________________________________________________________________

You know you’re addicted to climbing when: You ponder buying a big rock for your yard. You know how to get onto your roof without a ladder. You placed anchors on the side of your 5th story apartment building so you could

sleep on your porta-ledge on the weekdays. When walking down a cracked sidewalk, you're thinking, "That'll be a good hand

hold." Your dog leash is a 7mm cord. You use climbing knots to tie everything. You own a $75 dress suit and a $1000 Gore-Tex suit. You have ever used an ice ax to chop weeds in the garden. You aerate your lawn with your crampons. Your climbing equipment is worth more than your car. You drop something at work and yell "Rock !" You have more summit pictures than wedding pictures. Your pets are named after famous mountains. You're admiring the beautiful, fluffy clouds and start seeing "holds." You get home after a long day jamming cracks (no tape), you wash your hands in

hot water, and you smile through the pain by remembering what caused it. You’re always late for work/school but have no problems with an alpine start. You discover boulder problems in your kitchen. You move the whole way around your room without touching the ground. You turn activities like taking the trash out into training activities by holding the

trashcans with just your fingertips and at arms-length in front of you. You spend hours going over topographical maps and satellite photos looking for

a new place to climb. You look at your kids wondering when are they’re going to be heavy enough to

finally belay you. _____________________________________________________________________________________________

The Infamous Eagles Joke You should be warned that the following joke can be infuriating. It is said that it was used at Cambridge University as an intelligence test for undergraduates. If you get it - well done. If you don't get it – well, you’re not alone. Two climbers were climbing roped together in the Scottish Highlands. They saw some eagles soaring above them. Later the climbers slipped over the edge of a precipice and unfortunately plunged to their deaths. Their souls left their mortal bodies and ascended to heaven. As they rose they saw the same eagles and one soul cried out to them, 'Ah - Eagles'. But the eagles, being polite, said nothing.

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Some Potential Resources Not really news, and not really a notice, but if you’ve suddenly got more time on your hands and are looking for inspiration/entertainment, every issue of the New Zealand Alpine Journal (1892-2014) has been digitised online. There are some great stories and interesting photos: who knows what you might find.

They’re online: New Zealand Alpine Journal Archive

New Zealand has a bunch of other digitised content online as well. The website

Digital NZ searches across some 300+ museum and archive collections across the country for photos, documents, newspapers, etc. from way back to the present. So you can search for “Mt Cook” or “Mt Aspiring” or “Silver Peaks” and see what comes up. You’ll have to wade through a bunch of content, but chances are you’ll find something interesting.

2019-20 Otago Section Committee

Chair Ryan Thomas Ryan.j.thomas1@gmail.com 027 311 5723

Treasurer, Equipment

Keith Moffat Moffat.k172@gmail.com 027 664 4037

Secretary, Rock climbing

Eve O’Brien eve.j.obrien@gmail.com 027 642 3211

Trips, Banff Film Festival

Danilo Hegg danilo_hegg@hotmail.com 027 339 2688

Instruction Heather Rhodes heathermayrhodes@gmail.com 027 258 6534

Newsletter Alex Weller alexhweller@gmail.com 027 604 1711

Committee members

Jono Squire jonosquire@icloud.com 021 0326 218

Alastair Campbell Alastair.campbell@obhs.school.nz 021 149 6636

SECTION NEWS & NOTICES

SECTION CONTACTS

Otago Section of the New Zealand Alpine Club c/o 172 Gladstone Rd, Dalmore, Dunedin 9016

Email: otago.climber@gmail.com Web: https://alpineclub.org.nz/region/otago/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/osonzac Trip info & booking: www.osonzac.org.nz

Mike tackles Purple Hayes at the Caves, Long Beach Photo: Ryan Thomas

Although only essential goods can be bought online during this lockdown, that doesn’t mean that one can’t do some planning. Kiwi businesses such as these are going to need all the help they can get in the next year or so! Check the NZAC Website for a full discount list and details.

Gear/Clothing Note that most of these discounts are off the regularly priced gear only, and that a lot of gear will have a better discount when it goes on regular sale. Just saying retailers.

Aspiring Safety 10% off

In-store and online, wide variety of climbing gear and snow/ice tools

Bivouac 10% off

This one seems variable – ask at the till and you may get more

Cactus Outdoor 10% off

In-store and online, a range of clothing/gear, made in New Zealand

Climbing Equipment NZ

25% off

Rock climbing and mountaineering gear, free freight orders over $20

Earth Sea Sky 15% off

Free freight in NZ

Further Faster 15% off

Online or in-store (ChCh)

Gearshop 10% off

Phone orders, online outdoor gear retailer

GoNative 10% off

Wellington based with ready to eat food (not freeze dried) and energy fruit bars

Good Rotating – Bicycle Shop

Up to 10%

Bicycles, packrafting, accessories in Wanaka. Sale and rent.

Kai Carrier 25% off

Entire pouch range. Reusable pouches and packaging to make your backcountry trips waste free

Koaro Packrafts $50 off

Discount off any new packraft, Christchurch Company

Macpac 30%/15% off

30% off Macpac branded gear, 15% off everything else

Monster Merinos 10% off

Kids merino clothing built to last

North Face 15% off

In-store (Qtown and ChCh)

Outfitters 10% off

Extensive range of global outdoor adventure brands

Small Planet 10% off

Gear, clothing and equipment in Queenstown

Other Services

Peak Safety 15% off

Courses and medical supplies

Packrafting Queenstown

10% off

Courses, rentals, and guided trips. Rentals can be couriered anywhere in NZ

Twin Needle Repairs

10% off

Gear repairs including packs, tents, sleeping bags, tents, rainwear clothing

Travel/Experiences

DOC Annual Backcountry Hut Pass

30% off

Show your hut pass and NZAC Card and get 10% off Great Walk fees

Real Journeys 10% off

Cruises in Milford or Doubtful Sounds, TSS Earnslaw

Stewart Island Experience

10% off

Ferry services (we tested this: includes ferry to/from Oban)

Whale Watch Kaikoura

50% off

Whale watching tours between 1st May and 31st October. Makes it reasonably affordable!

DISCOUNT PAGE