ANGER

MANAGEMENT

ANGER

PHYSIOLOGY

1. Sensory data to thalamus

5. Amygdala blocks ‘slow’ thinking

4. Amygdala does quick threat assessment

3. Data also to cortex

2. Data to Amygdala

6. ‘Unthinking’ response

The Amygdala• Radar – constantly firing• Scanning for threats• Can’t stop it from firing• Responsible for ‘fight’ or ‘flight’• Triggers appropriate survival behaviour• Responds in .85 milliseconds• Fires 100x faster than ability to think

Effects on the Body• Monitors threats ---- releases adrenalin• Pupils dilate (gathering info) ------ laser focus• Releases cortisol – creates stressful state

- fight, flight, freeze• Sweaty palms, facial redness, veins stick out

The AmygdalaEffects on the Thinking Mind• Can’t distinguish between perception and reality• Overpowers/hijacks rational thinking• Lose logic• Lose perspective

YOUTHEM

6 Marbles

5 Marbles

720 options 720 options

120 options 120 options

Common Ground

The AmygdalaHow to Get Back Rational Self

1. Take deep breaths- 1st shallow & hold- 2nd mid & hold- 3rd deep & hold

2. Count backwards from 97 by 3

3. Tap into Gratitude- anchor yourself with something for which you are grateful- appreciation for others despite circumstances- pushes out cortisol & washes with feel good hormones

• universal emotion – we all have an amygdala!• few people want to admit they have a problem with anger• most of us readily see anger mismanagement on the

part of others…….

…..but seldom see it in ourselves !!!!!

ANGER

ANGERAnger is neither a positive nor a negative emotion.

It is the way we handle our anger that makes it negative or positive.

HONOUROUR

ANGER

ANGER Needs to be Managed

Prov.14:17 – ‘He that is soon angry will deal foolishly’Prov. 14:29 – He that is slow to anger is of great understanding,

but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly’Prov.15:18 – ‘A wrathful man stirreth up contention: he that

is slow to anger appeaseth strife.’Prov.16:32 – ‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty’Prov.22:24 – ‘Make no friendship with a man given to anger;

with a wrathful man thou shalt not go.’Ecc.7:9 – ‘Be not hasty to be angry: for anger resteth in

the bosom of fools’Ja.1:19 – ‘Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,

slow to wrath.’

… to be Constructive!!

ANGER Needs to be Managed

… to be Constructive!!

Deal foolishly Exalteth folly Stirs up contention Do not befriend Person to be

avoided Fool

Great understanding

Appeaseth strife Better than the

mighty Swift to hear, slow

to speak

SOON ANGRY SLOW to ANGER

PAUL

Acts 9:26-28 - _____________________________Acts 11:25-26 - ____________________________Acts 13:1-3 - ______________________________Acts 13:7,13 - _____________________________Acts 13:46-14:20 - __________________________Acts 15:1-3,12 - ____________________________Acts 15:36-38 - _____________________________

‘Two are Better than One’

John Mark Acts 12:12Acts 12:25Acts 13:5Acts 13:13Acts 15:37-39--------II Tim.4:11,Phile:24,IPet.5:13

Befriended Saul when others wouldn’t

Went to seek him out

Worked together

Transition of Leadership

Chief speaker - Defer to strength

Moved forward based on common understanding

Spiritual Courage - Agree to Disagree

Allow for MistakesEncourage Growth

Ecc.4:9

‘The contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other’ Acts 15:39

How often have you seen that happen? Or experienced it yourself?

• Marriage• Individual Brothers/Sisters• Within your Ecclesia• Between Ecclesias

Scriptural Instruction – Learn to Manage Your Anger First

PAUL

Freedom to Choose

PAUSE

Response - ability

PAUSE

I Sam. 20:30-34

Saul’s Unbridled Anger

Prov.14:29 – ‘hasty of spirit’Prov.19:12 – ‘king’s wrath’Prov.19:19 – ‘great wrath’ Prov.21:24 – ‘proud wrath’Prov.25:28 – ‘no rule over his spirit’Prov.27:3 – ‘fool’s wrath’

Jonathan’s Wise Response

Prov.22:24 – ‘avoid a furious man’Ecc.7:9 – ‘be not hasty to be angry’

PAUSE

DIVINE PRINCIPLES FOR CONDUCT

Freedom to Choose

Ps.7:11 – God is angry with the wicked every dayII Kings 17:9-11 – ch. Of Israel did secretly those things that were not rightII Kings 22:17 - …works of their hands…Ps.106:29 - … with their inventions…Is.9:17 - …everyone is a hypocrite and an evildoerJer. 32:27-32 - …turned unto me the back and not the face…

- they- their kings- their princes- their priests- their prophets

Jer.42:17-18, Ezek.16:26,20:8…set faces to go into Egypt…committed whoredoms with Egyptthy neighbours, great of flesh…neither did forsake the idols of Egypt

Ezek.8:17 - …is it a light thing

PAUSE

“…provoked the LORD to anger…”

Ps.78:38 - …many a time turned he his anger away…Ps.103:8, Joel2:13, Nah.1:3,6 – merciful, gracious, slow to angerIs.48:9-11 – defer mine anger…I will refrain for thee

II Kings 17:13 – testified against Israel & Judah by prophets

…morning by morning… rising early and speaking to them!!Jer.7:13,25,11:7,25:3,26:5,35:14-15,44:4

PAUSE

To Be FearedPs.6:1 – rebuke me not in thine angerPs.27:9 – put not servant away in angerPs.90:7-12 – who knoweth power of thine anger

…..therefore teach us to number our days

Has PurposeJer.23:20, 30:24, Ezek.5:13…till he have performed the thoughts of his heart perfectly…

How God’s Anger WorksIs.10:5 – Assyrian = rod of his angerIs.13:3 – my mighty ones (nations)Hos.13:11 – sometimes gives us what we want

Refining Process – Purified ProductEzek.22:20-22 - …I will gather you in mine anger…into the midst

of the furnace…and blow upon it…and melt you..and ye shall know !!!

ReversibleJer.3:12-14– Only acknowledge thine iniquity

Love is the End ResultMic.7:18 – retaineth not anger…delights in mercy (Lam.3:22-23)Hos. 14:4 - …I will love them freely…mine anger is turned away

PAUSE

PAUSE

Summary

• God has ‘the right’ to be angry with us every day• God defers his anger – appeals to us by the prophets• God will/does express his anger given our stubborn behaviour

- Purpose- Refining Process- Reversible- Love is the end result

1. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry.

Eph. 4:26 – “Be ye angry, and sin not”

2. Restrain your immediate response

Prov.29:11 – ‘A fool gives full vent to his anger’Prov.19:11 – ‘People with good sense restrain their anger’Prov.14:17 – ‘A quick tempered man does foolish things.’

‘Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.’

Anonymous

Challenge is not ‘Don’t get angry’ but…. not to sin when we are angry!

3. Seek to understand before making yourself understood.

• Principle – Ecc.5:1-2 – allusion to law – Ex.30:18-20

• James 1:19-20 – quick to listen…slooooooow to wrath !

CHANGE THE WAY WE THINK….

‘I assume I don’t fully understand, and I need to listen’‘If I listen first and understand, then I will be better understood’

Listening ----------- Paradigm shift

LEVELS OF LISTENING

Ignoring – making no effort to listen

Pretend Listening – making believe or giving the appearance you are listening

Selective Listening – hearing only parts of the conversation that interest you

Attentive Listening – paying attention and focusing on what the speaker says and comparing that to your own experiences

Empathic Listening – listening and responding with both the heart and mind to

understand the speaker’s words, intent and feelings

(Greek)

“in” “feeling, suffering”

We have empathy when we put ourself in another’s place and experiencefeelings as he or she experiences them. It does not mean we agree but that we

deeply understand another person emotionally and intellectually.

Help the Speaker Feel Understood1. Repeat Content2. Rephrase Content in Own Words3. Reflect Feelings4. Rephrase & Reflect Feelings in Own Words

Indicator Phrases‘As I get it, you felt that…’‘I’m picking up that you…’‘So, as you see it…’‘What I guess I’m hearing is…’‘I’m not sure I’m with you but…’‘You place a high value on…’‘As I hear it, you…’‘You must have felt…’‘Your message seems to be, I…’

Phil. 3:10 – ‘fellowship of his sufferings (pathos)’I Pet. 4:12-14 – ‘partakers of Christ’s sufferings (pathos)’II Cor.1:3-5 – ‘sufferings abound in Christ’

4. Analyze Your Options

i) Consciously Decide to Overlook the Matter- not same as storing your anger- Releasing the anger to God – giving up the right to take revenge

Rom.12:9 – God’s prerogative

Prov 19:11 – ‘The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is hisglory to pass over a transgression.’

Col.3:13 – ‘forbear’

ii) Lovingly Confront the PersonGal.6:1 – ‘restore such an one in the spirit of meekness’ – RESTORATION

Lu.17:3-4 – ‘…if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him…’

• rebuke = ‘to set a weight upon’• laying a matter before a bro/sis kindly and firmly• realize there is always possibility you have misunderstood• suggestion – write it before you speak it• Result – 1. Explanation 2. Confession --- framework for reconciliation

5. Take Constructive Action

i) If we choose to let the offense go……PRAY !

ii) If we choose to lovingly confront do so gently….PRAY!Matt.5:22-24

LISTEN FIRST…..it may change your paradigm!!!!

• Must always be given• Is the promise that you will no longer hold this particular offense

against the person…• your anger has served its purpose – it has motivated you to take

constructive action to see that the issue was resolved!

“a great cry of the people” James 5:1-4

“against their brethren”

Scenariov.2 Our sons and daughters need food!v.3 Mortgaged lands, houses, vineyards to buy food!v.4 Borrowed money to pay king’s tribute against lands.v.5 Sons and daughters taken into bondage as servants!

Nehemiah 5CONFRONTATION

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Verse 1-5

The Call of Brethren

Lev. 25:35-38I Cor.6:6-8

‘consulted with myself’

NEB - ‘I mastered my feelings and reasoned with the elders’

ie Paul - II Cor. 11:29

‘I was very angry’ Heb. ‘was angering – to glow, grow warm’

Nehemiah 5 CONFRONTATIONANGER MANAGEMENT

Verse 6

Verse 7

Freedom to Choose

1. Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry.

v.6 ‘And I was very angry’

2. Restrain your immediate response

v.7 ‘I consulted with myself’

3. Seek to understand before making yourself understood.

v.8 ‘Then held they their peace, and found nothing to answer’

4. Analyze Your Options

Overlook the Matter Lovingly Confront

v.9 – ‘It is not good that ye do…’

5. Take Constructive Action

v.12 – ‘Restore…require nothing…take an oath’v.14-19 – Set an example

Nehemiah 5 CONFRONTATIONANGER MANAGEMENT

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwingit at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

An experience common to man

Saul – I Sam. 20:28-34

Jonah – Jonah 4:1,4,9

Cain – Gen.4:5,8

CONFLICT STRATEGIES

CONFLICT STRATEGIES

Saul & JonathanI Sam.20:30-34

Cain & AbelGenesis 4

Pilate & PeopleLuke 23:13-25

Paul & BarnabusActs 15:36-40

Jerusalem ConferenceActs 15:1-22

Paul & PeterGal.2:11

Going to LawI Cor.5:12-6:8

Casting Out MoneychangersMark 11:11-19

Nehemiah & RulersNeh.5

Neglect of WidowsActs 6:1-8

Coat & ClokeMatt.5:39-42

1. Conflict Resolution Styles2. Matthew 183. Forgiveness4. Intra-Ecclesial Conflict5. Reconciliation is the Goal

61

3

2

3

MATTHEW 18

1.Between Thee and Him – v.152.One or Two More – v.163.Tell it to the Ecclesia – v.17

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

‘If your brother acts wrongly towards you, go and pointout his fault to him when only you and he are there’ (Wey)

‘But if your brother wrongs you, go and have it out withhim at once – just between the two of you.’ (Philips)

‘trespass’ – ‘to miss the mark, be mistaken, miss or wander from the path of uprightness and honor, to do or go wrong’ (Thayer)

Prov. 25:8-9 – ‘Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself’

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

‘go tell him his fault’

‘refute, confute, bring to light, expose’‘self to the exclusion of others, by one’s self’

Gr. vb. Implies a continual action – ie continue till it isapparent further conversation = useless or harmful

Motive – Gaining thy brother – Lev.19:17-18

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

‘hear’ – ‘to attend to, consider, understand, perceive the sense of what is being said’

SEE &HEAR

TELL A STORY

FEEL & ACT

• Always intermediate step• We add meaning to action observed• Even if it we don’t realize it we tell ourselves stories• Need to tell ourselves different story to break cycle

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

CONFLICT – An Opportunity Love of Christ

1. Note Context – v.12-14 – restoration not condemnation2. Language of scripture – not ‘confront’

- confessing, teaching, instructing, reasoning, encouraging, correcting, warning, admonishing, rebuking (Mt.5:23-24, Lu.17:3, Acts 17:17, I Thess.5:14, II Tim.2:24,4:2)

3. Adjust intensity of our communication – I Tim.5:1

Reconciliation Principles

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

Reconciliation Principles 1. FACE TO FACE

Matt.5:23-24,18:15, Lu.17:3

SuccessfulReconciliation

Jacob & Esau – Gen 33:6-12Joseph & Bro’s – Gen 45-50Paul & Apostles – Acts 9:27-28

UnsuccessfulReconciliation

David and AbsalomII Sam.14:24-32

‘must not see my face’

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

Reconciliation Principles 2. AWARENESS = OBLIGATION

To do nothing isn’t a scripturally viable option

Lev. 19:17 – ‘rebuke…so you will not share his guilt’Prov.24:11-12 – ‘If you say we know nothing…’Matt.5:23-24 – ‘if remember thy bro. hath ought against thee’Ja.5:19-20 – ‘convert the sinner…save a soul from death’

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

Reconciliation Principles 3. RESPONSIBLE FOR EACH OTHER

Gal.6:1 ‘overtaken in a fault’Gr.’prolambano’ – ‘overtaken, surprised’

‘restore’Gr.’katartizo’ – ‘mend,repair,equip,complete,prepare

Matt.4:21 – ‘mending their nets’I Thess.3:10 – ‘perfect that which is lacking’Heb.13:21 – ‘Make you perfect in every good work’I Pet.5:10 – ‘make you perfect’

MENDING BROKEN PEOPLE RESTORING THEM TO USEFULNESS!

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

Reconciliation Principles 4. BE QUICK TO LISTEN

Ja.1:19 – ‘swift to hear’

Gr. ‘prompt, ready, quick’ – only occurence

Prov.18:13 – ‘He who answers before listening – that is his folly and shame’

Ecc.5:1 – ‘in house of God…be more ready to hear than give the sacrifice of fools’

Between Thee and Him AloneMatt. 18:15

Reconciliation Principles 5. BE SLOW TO SPEAK ‘There is one whose rash words

are like sword thrusts’ Prov.12:18

• Act with Grace – Ja.3:17-18• Make Charitable Judgements – Ja.4:11-12• Speak Truth in Love – Eph.4:15, Rom.12:14, I Pet.3:8-9• Talk from Beside not from Above• Communicate so Clearly that You Cannot be Misunderstood• Plan Your Words – Prov.14:22

‘…a bro. offended is harder to be won than a strong city’

Prov.18:19

One or Two MoreMatt. 18:16

‘every word may be established’

Gr. – ‘to be made to stand’

‘two or three witnesses’

A Principle under the LawDeut.19:15,Num.35:30,Deut.17:6,Heb.10:28

Practiced in the EcclesiaII Cor.13:1,I Tim.5:19,Phil.4:2-3

Tell it to the EcclesiaMatt. 18:17

‘neglect to hear’

Gr. ‘parakouo’ – only time word is usedStrgs – ‘to mishear, disobey’Thayers – ‘to hear aside ie casually, carelessly’

‘be unwilling to hear ie neglect, pay no heed’

‘tell it to the ecclesia’

ROLE OF THE ECCLESIA

• Holds both parties accountable to God’s Word• Ecclesia’s opinion intended to be binding• Ecclesia speaks with authourity of Christ (although imperfectly)• As an Ecclesia we are accountable before God• Decisions are Ecclesial not AB’s

Tell it to the EcclesiaMatt. 18:17

Heb.13:17 – guidance --------- accountabilityI Cor.6:1-8 – ecclesia – arbiter of choiceII Cor.2:6-8 – ‘inflicted of many’I Tim.5:20 – ‘them that sin rebuke before all’

“let him be as a heathen man and a publican”

Rom.16:17-18 - AVOID THEM‘divisions’ – ‘disunion, dissension’‘offenses’ – Gr.’skandalon’ – Eng. ‘scandal’

- ‘a trap stick, snare’

MoralI Cor.5:9-13II Thess. 3:6

DoctrinalI Tim.6:3-5

II Jn.1:10-11KEY – II Thess.3:14-15

Tell it to the EcclesiaMatt. 18:17

“let him be as a heathen man and a publican”

Use of ‘as’ is significant!

• God only knows the heart (I Sam.16:7, Rev.2:23)• Ecclesia has no power to decide whether a person is a believer• Ecclesia – resp. to make a functional decision – if a person behaves like a non-believer he should be

treated as such• Attendance to be encouraged and welcomed with a view towards restoration (to greatest extent possible)• Intention – cause him to understand not injure or punish

KEY – Tit.3:10-11 – Condemned himself!

Tell it to the EcclesiaMatt. 18:17

Non-Believer Status – 3 Purposes

1. Prevents Lord from being dishonoured – Rom.2:23-242. Other believers protected from being led astray

- Rom.16:17, I Cor.5:1-7, II Tim.2:15-183. Forces someone to realize seriousness of their fault

A Learning Process

Eph.5:11-13 – ‘reprove’ – Gr. ‘call to account’

I Tim.1:20 – ‘learn’ – Gr. ‘train up a child’I Cor.5:5 – ‘that the spirit may be saved’

FORGIVENESS‘UNFORGIVENESS IS THE POISON WE DRINK

HOPING OTHERS WILL DIE’

Unforgiveness…• Blocks our door to salvation – Mt.6:14-15• Allows root of bitterness to grow – Heb.12:15• Causes you to walk in darkness – I Jn.2:9-11• Grieves the Spirit of God – Eph.4:30-31

FORGIVENESSCol.3:13 – ‘forgiving one another…

even as Christ forgave you’

Eph.4:32 – ‘forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you’

Gr. ‘aphiemi’ – ‘to send forth, to send away’ Mt.6:12,18:27,32

‘to let go, release, remit’ref. to debts that have been paid in full

Gr. ‘charizomai’ – ‘to bestow a favour unconditionally, undeservedly’

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is not a Feeling – it is an act of will

Forgiveness is not Forgetting – forgetting is a passive process- forgiving is an active process

Forgiveness is not Excusing- excusing says that’s OK- forgiveness says – what you did was wrong & inexusable, but God has forgiven me – I forgive you

FORGIVENESSWhen someone sins a debt is created…

someone must pay it

GOD

MY BROTHER MYSELF

THIS GAP CAN ONLY BE CLOSED … IF WE FIX THIS GAP

Matt. 5:22-24

Is.59:2

FORGIVENESS

TWO CHOICESUNMERCIFUL SERVANT

Matt.18:28-35

UNBELIEVABLY FORGIVING KING

Matt.18:23-27

Exact Payment Make Payments• Withold forgiveness• Cold & aloof• Gossip• Lashing back• Dwelling in the wrong• Seeking revenge

• Speak graciously• Release from consequences• Pray for grace to help• Tear down walls• Fight painful memories

RE

PE

NTA

NC

E

FORGIVENESS

MAKING FOUR PROMISES

1. I will not dwell on this incident.

2. I will not bring this up again & use it against you.3. I will not talk to others about this incident.4. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.

RE

PE

NTA

NC

E

• Unconditional commitment to God – Mk.11:25,Lu.6:28• Letting God take over – won’t seek retribution – thought, word, action• Pray for the other person• Readiness for reconciliation once repent

Jer.31:34, Ps.103:3-4, I Cor.13:5

FORGIVENESSR

EP

EN

TAN

CE APOLOGIZING CONFESSION

A NECESSARY STEPI Jn.1:9-10Ps.51:1-3

1. Expressing Regret – ‘I am sorry’2. Accepting Responsibility – ‘I was wrong’3. Making Restitution – “What can I do to make it right’4. Genuine Repenting – ‘I’ll try not to do that again’5. Requesting Forgiveness – ‘Will you please forgive me?’

5 Elements

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

The Ecclesial Guide

Framework for each ecclesial constitution1. Consistency of operation within individual ecclesias2. Consistency of practice in how ecc.deal with each other

Do we use the ecclesial guide alongsidescripture in dealing with matters of fellowship

and doctrine?

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

VOTING/BALLOT – COMMON PRACTICE

Advantages• convenient• quick• little effort/deliberation

Disadvantages• Anonymous – allows the expression of opinion while avoiding face to face deliberation and discussion

What does voting really accomplish?Does voting allow us to reach out to others in bro. love?Does voting resolve the issue at hand?Does voting promote unity?Does voting promote oneness of mind amongst an ecclesia?

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

CASTING LOTS

Employed in Defined Situations

1. Choosing people for specific tasks (positive & negative)2. Dividing up of duties or territory

Josh.18:8-10 – cast lots before the Lord for division of landI Sam.14:42 – cast lot before God between Saul and JonathanActs 1:26 – the lot fell upon Matthias

Also I Chron.26:13-14, Neh.11:1, Ps.22:18, Joel 3:3, Jon.1:7

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

SCRIPTURAL ADVICE

Rom.12:6 – be of the same mind one toward anotherRom 15:6 – with one mind and one mouth glorify GodII Cor. 13:11 – be of one mind, live in peacePhil.1:27 – with one mind striving for the faithPhil.2:2 – likeminded…of one accord…of one mindI Pet.3:8 – finally be ye all of one mindActs 1:14 – these all continued of one accord

(2:26,4:24,5:12,8:6,15:25)

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

Advice from ECCLESIAL GUIDE

If the matters of difference do not affect the questionof the truth or the commandments, it is the duty of

the lesser to submit to the greater number. (Clause 39)

If the matters of difference do affect the questionof the truth or the commandments, let the minority aska meeting for the discussion of them, intimating that

a question of fellowship is involved. (Clause 40)

If the discussion have no result … the course of the minority is clear .(Clause 40)

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

Advice from SCRIPTURE is MORE COMPELLING

Phil.3:15-18Context – ‘knowing him, power of his

resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings’ (v.10)

‘be thus minded’Gr. ‘to exercise the mind, entertain or have sentiment or opinion; to be mentally disposed in a certain direction’Thayer – ‘the same opinion, agree together, cherish the same views’

‘otherwise minded’ Gr. ‘differently minded or different thinking’

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

Advice from SCRIPTURE is MORE COMPELLING

Phil.3:15-18Context – ‘knowing him, power of his

resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings’ (v.10)

v.16 ‘let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing’Gr. --– we must as an ecclesia walk in step as a military troop holding the same opinion – Phil.2:2, I Cor.1:10Lit Gr. ‘let us walk in step’ - contrast v.18 ‘walk out of step’

Context – ‘doctrine’ of circumcision v.1-4

INTRA-ECCLESIALCONFLICT

Advice from SCRIPTURE is MORE COMPELLING

Gal.5:10

‘be none otherwise minded’ Gr. ‘not even one will exercise the mind, have sentiment or opinion or be mentally disposed in a different direction’

VOTING FAILS TO ACHIEVEONENESS OF MIND

DEMANDED BY SCRIPTURE

When you are faced with conflict, passivity is not the real path to

peace. Resolution rests in confrontingwrong, but with a right heart.

‘finding the answer’

Gr. ‘adjustment of a difference – to change the mind of anyone – restoration to favour – to receive one into favour – to re-establish harmony – to bring together again’

II Cor.13:11 – ‘Straighten yourselves out, comfort yourselves. agree with one another and live at peace.’

Is Forgiveness the same as Reconciliation?

Focus on offense

Requires no relationship

Focus on relationship

Requires nurturing relationship

“Can two walk together unless they meet by appointment”

Amos 3:3 (Roth)

I CORINTHIANS 1:10

‘I entreat you brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, to cultivatea spirit of harmony – all of you – and that there be no divisions amongyou but rather a perfect union through your having one mind and one

judgement.’ (Wey)

‘I do beg you, my brothers, by all that our Lord Jesus Christ means to you,to speak with one voice, and not allow yourselves to be split up into

parties. All together you should be achieving a unity in thought and judgement.’(Phillips)

“The discretion of man deferreth his anger”

Prov.19:11

“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty;and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city”

Prov.16:32

Eph.4:25-32

1.Be Honest – v.252. Deal with it now – v.26-283. Attack the problem not the person – v.29-304. Act don’t react – v.31-32

Proverbs 18:13 – LISTEN first ….then respond!

Gal.5:15 - ‘If you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.’

(Harry Tennant)

Examine the following examples in scripture and discuss how the various scriptural characters handled conflict or disagreement.

What conflict resolution styles did they use??What worked well?What could have been done differently?

1. Genesis 4 – Cain and Abel2. I Samuel 20:30-34 - Saul & Jonathan3. Luke 23:13-25 – Pilate and the people4. Matthew 15:10-20 – Christ and Pharisees5. Mark 11:11-19 – Casting Out Money Changers6. Acts 15:1-22 – Jerusalem Conference 7. Acts 15:36-40 – Paul & Barnabus8. Gal.2:11 – Paul & Peter9. I Cor.5:12-6:8 – Going to Law10.Acts 6:1-8 – Neglect of Widows