angel whispers

Angel WhispersFall, 2015

Angel Whispers Newsletter is a resource

for parents who have lost a baby during pregnancy

or shorly after birth.

Meetings are held in Sherwood Park and Fort

Saskatchewan.

For meeting information, or to receive our

newsletter or a special care package, please call

780.998.5595, ext. 225.

You can also reach us by email at

[email protected] or visit our website at

www.angelwhispers.ca/angelwhispers.

www.familiesfirstsociety.ca

Angel Whispers

Continued on page 2

Hello to all of our Angel Whispers Families,

Another season is upon us, my favou-rite season of the year – Autumn. I love the warm colors of fall and the

changes in the trees. Our changing seasons remind me of the grief journey, forever changing with time. The colors of fall and changing trees are like the changing emo-tions of grief. The leaves change color and fall from the trees, leaving the tree barren, much like how grief can feel like it drains the life out of us making us feel barren. Bar-ren is defined as ”bleak and lifeless”, many of us describe feeling this way in the early days of grief. We endure the harshness of the raw grief like the cold, dreary days of winter. Yet slowly with time as the intense emotions of grief soften, the new leaves will begin to grow in the spring and give us a renewed sense of hope for the future. I’m not suggesting that our grief journey changes as quickly as the seasons, a season in our part of the world lasts for only 3 months and yet each season of grief can last for much longer and you can get glimpses of a different season while in the midst of another. Allow yourself the time you need to journey through the seasons of grief.

Much like the weather in each season is unpredictable, the grief journey can also be unpredictable. You can be in the middle of spring and experience a wild winter storm. The same is true for grief, you can be go-ing along feeling as though you are doing well and then be surprised with a sudden unexpected grief burst. Sometimes we know what triggers it; a holiday, milestone or seeing a little one that reminds us of our child. Other times the grief burst seems to come out of nowhere at all. Grief bursts are a very normal part of this journey, knowing that they can occur can reduce the shock and surprise when they happen. Families often experience them for many months

and sometimes years after their loss. My husband, Rene co-facilitates our monthly baby loss support group meetings with me. I feel strongly that it’s important for bereaved fathers to feel as well supported as bereaved mothers. Rene is very good at relating grief to experiences that most people can understand. He often talks about the grief journey being much like a game of ‘Snakes and Ladders’, he shares that analogy in this newsletter in our monthly dads feature.

Fall is the time of year that our biggest fundraiser of the year is held. The 6th An-nual Madison Memorial Golf Tournament was held on Friday, September 18th, my angel Loren’s angelversary. The colors of fall made for a beautiful backdrop for the tournament. Thank you to Melissa Kondro, co-founder of the Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Program and her husband Blair for hosting another successful tourna-ment in memory of their baby girl Madison and for donating all proceeds to Angel Whispers to help us to continue to provide hope and healing to grieving families. Final totals aren’t in quite yet, but over $10,000 was raised for Angel Whispers!Fall is also the time of year when the agency Angel Whispers is with, the Fort Saskatche-wan Families First Society, hosts our annual general meeting. This gives our community members, families we provide support to

Angel Whispers Fall, 2015

Continued from page 1

Lori-Ann HuotProgram Coordinator

Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Program

(780)998-5595 ext. [email protected]

Angel Whispers

and our community partners an opportunity to see what has been accomplished over the past year within our agency. As I compiled my annual report for the meeting, I reflected back over the past year and how much our program has grown. We have experienced almost a 40% increase in the numbers of local families we provide support to. I have never before shared my annual report in our newsletter, how-ever I feel as though it’s important for our Angel Whispers families to see what has happened in our program between September 2014 – September 2015. Along with our annual report, families share their stories on how Angel Whispers has helped them on their grief journey. I am sharing many of those stories for you in this edition.Angel Whispers is currently a non-funded program. We rely on fundraisers, grants and donations to sustain our services. We are hopeful that over the next year we may be able to secure some sustainable long term funding so that our program can continue to keep up with the demand in services and continue to provide hope and healing to grieving families devastated by the loss of a baby. Stories from families help potential funders to see the impact our program has on grieving parents. If you are interested in sharing your

story and how Angel Whispers has made a difference for you, please feel free to email your story to [email protected].

Sadly society can often make us feel as though there is a deadline on how long we can grieve for. Grief is the price we pay for love, there is no limit to the love you have for your baby, therefore no limit to your grief. Because love lasts a lifetime, naturally grief will also last a lifetime! Wishing you a gentle fall as you continue to journey through the seasons of your own grief. May you experience moments of joy and laughter and opportunities to honour the memory of your sweet baby.

With love and understanding,

Lori-Ann

As we approach the anniversary (Sept. 29) of the death of our youngest, Andrew James, we are able to reflect back on all our family has experienced over the last few years. Firstly, Trevor and I wish to thank you and your family for all you have sacrificed in order to provide a much needed service to grieving families. Baby loss is a ‘club’ which none of us ever wish or expect to join, however, when the unthinkable happens, it is such a blessing to have the love, care and support of Angel Whispers. You gave us the permission we needed to grieve and encouraged us to face our grief head on. Without your support and guid-ance, I don’t know how we would have made it through those first days, weeks, and months. You were there immediately when-ever we needed. You acted as a sounding board of experience and helped us know that it is okay to bury our son. You em-braced and validated our son, our grief, and our family.From the depths of our souls we thank you and we pray that An-gel Whispers is able to continue on for many years to come.

From Jane, Mother to angel Andrew

As one of our Angel Whispers mommies beautifully expressed recently…music is her therapy as it is for many others. Music triggers memories and emotions, often allowing much needed tears to flow. Here is a list of songs recommended by myself and some of our Angel Whispers mommies. I hope they bring you comfort as you grieve…

• Small Bump - by: Ed Sheeren http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_af256mnTE• My Name - by: George Canyon http://georgecanyon.com/videos/page/2/#prettyPhoto/3/• Fiddler’s Green – by: Tragically Hip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35mJvcY104M• A Mother’s Prayer – by: Celine Dion http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bToocwVE0vM• I Will See You Again – by: Carrie Underwood http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTnWFT3DvVA• Audrey’s Song – by: Selah http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLuaGiu73jc • Angel – by: Sarah McLachlan http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1GmxMTwUgs • Tears in Heaven – by: Eric Clapton http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxPj3GAYYZ0

If you have song suggestions you would like to share with other Angel Whispers families, please email Lori-Ann at [email protected].

Recommended Song List

Fall, 2015 Angel Whispers

Upcoming Meetings:Baby Loss Support Group - for families

who have lost a baby during pregnancy or after birth. Meetings are held on the first Sunday of each month from 7-9 p.m. in Sherwood Park at the FCSS offices at 2001 Sherwood Drive. October 4, November 1 and December 6

Subsequent Pregnancy Support Group - for families who are trying to conceive or expecting again after experiencing a previous loss. Contact Lori-Ann for meeting location. October 18, November 8 and December 13

Healing Hands Workshop - We do not meet through the summer months. The next workshop is scheduled for October 17, November 21 and December 12

Rainbow Connection - previously known as Rainbow Baby Play DatesAngel Whispers Rainbow Families host get togethers in their homes several times per year as an oppor-tunity for families who have had rainbow babies to stay connected and share their experiences in par-enting a rainbow baby while hon-oring and remembering their angel babies. Stay tuned to our website and Facebook for upcoming dates!

For all meetings and workshops please contact Lori-Ann to register (780) 998-5595 ext. 225.

Author, educator, and grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt is known across North America for his inspirational teaching gifts. His compassionate mes-sages about healing in grief—based on his

own personal losses as well as his experience supporting children, teens, adults, and families over the last three decades—speak not only to the intel-lect but to the hearts of all who hear him. Perhaps best known for his model of “companioning” versus “treating” mourners, Dr. Wolfelt is committed to helping people mourn well so they can live well and love well. Founder and Director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, Dr. Wolfelt presents numerous educational workshops each year for hospices, hospitals, schools, universities, funeral homes, community groups, and a variety of other orga-nizations. He also teaches the 4-day trainings described on this website in beautiful Fort Collins, Colorado.

Dr. Wolfelt is a popular media

resource who regularly provides his expertise to many top-tier televi-sion shows, newspapers, and maga-zines. Recipient of the Association for Death Education and Counseling’s Death Educator Award, Dr. Wolfelt is also a faculty member of the University of Colorado Medical School’s Depart-ment of Family Medicine.

“Mourning in our culture isn’t always easy. Normal thoughts and feelings connected to loss are typically seen as unnecessary and even shame-ful. Instead of encouraging mourners to express themselves, our culture’s unstated rules would have them avoid their hurt and ‘be strong.’

“But grief is not a disease. Instead, it is the normal, healthy process of embracing the mystery of the death of someone loved. If mourners see them-selves as active participants in their healing, they will experience a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in lifeTo learn more about Dr. Wolfelt and his Centre for Loss and his extensive Resource Library, visit http://www.centerforloss.com/

About Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Bereavement Workshop March 15-16, 2016

Dr. Alan Wolfelt will be in Edmonton to provide a bereavement workshop to grieving families. Sponsored by Park Memorial. Stay tuned to our website and upcoming newsletter for more details.

Wren Carol Laura DoyleBorn on July 3, 2015 weighing 8lbs 9oz to loving parents Jessica and Steven Doyle.

Wren's big brother Wyatt is in heaven celebrating his baby'ssister's much anticipated birth!

Rainbow Baby Birth Announcement


FOR

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Wh

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wh

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gs

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to a

llow

us

to h

elp

oth

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like

us

that

are

d

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ith

th

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ss o

f a

bab

y.“

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han

k yo

u f

or

hel

pin

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cep

t th

e

fe

elin

gs

and

ch

aos

that

co

me

wit

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ank

you

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ng

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My daughter died under what I can only describe now as being horrific and heartbreaking circumstances. She died two days after Christmas almost 8 years ago, 5 days after she was born. I had no support at the time of her death.

My partner, her dad was ultimately responsible for her death so he was of no support. My family blamed me so I was left to deal with it on my own. The only way I knew how to deal with it was to keep busy, not think about it, go through the motions and carry on. I had no support so that was the only thing I could do.

Less than a year after she died I left my life behind and moved half way across the world to start a new life. At the time I felt like I was running away but I realise now that I was strong and doing the best thing I could by leaving. I moved here, no one knew me, no one knew what happened.

As time went on and I started to make some friends, I shared my daugh-ter with a few people that I thought I could trust. People would say how sorry they were, how awful it was but nobody truly cared. They didn’t know me when it happened, they never met or saw her, there was no emotional buy in. But I talked about her, I cried a little, I thought I was dealing with it all and learning how to live my life again.

I knew I was unable to have any more children and yet still desperately needed to be a mom so a few years after moving to Canada I started the adoption process. I shared my past and my loss with the intake workers, the home study writer and they were all convinced that I had worked through my loss and was in a healthy place and I was approved to adopt as a single mom.

Less than 6 months after starting the process my little one was placed with me. I realised that week that I had subconsciously managed to convince myself I was fine and had dealt with my loss the best way I could. What I realised that first week as I watched this little boy, my little boy sleeping in his crib was that I had in fact simply managed to do the best that I knew how to, I didn’t have the tools to do

anything other than what I had done but I knew it wasn’t enough. I knew that in order for me to be the best mom that he NEEDED me to be, I would need some help in actually truly grieving for my daughter.

I contacted Angel Whispers and shared a little of my story with Lori Ann. Almost immediately she had ar-ranged to drop off a care package to me and right at the first short meeting, I knew that I had met the person who would change my life. Instantly I felt a connection, an understanding that I had never felt before. Over the weeks that followed as I shared my story, my daughter and my loss with Lori Ann everything started to change. I felt accepted and not judged. I had finally found a safe place to grieve for my loss and to talk about her and I had found someone who was willing to simply sit and listen to me.

At the beginning it was just Lori Ann I connected with. We would chat via email and she would come to my house in the initial stages of me shar-ing my loss. It was the only place I felt safe. Then I was able to go into the office to meet with her, started to find more courage. It took me a long time to find the courage to go to a meeting, to share openly with more than just Lori Ann but after the first meeting the fear vanished. I finally knew what it felt like to belong, to not feel afraid of harsh judgement. No one can understand what it feels like to feel so afraid and so alone until they know this kind of loss and to be able to sit in a room full of people and KNOW that they get it, that they understand is indescribable. It’s like walking into a room feeling the deepest pain, and knowing that others can see tight into your heart takes so much of that pain away.

Through Angel Whispers I now have a memory box, angel wings and birth certificate keepsake in memory of my daughter. She has never been acknowledged by anyone other than myself until I found Angel Whispers so that is huge for me. It has been a long, hard struggle this last few years but it is a journey that I am so happy

that I have travelled and so thankful for Lori Ann who has been there every step of the way.

When I first met her she told me that I would never be alone again, that she would be there and would do whatever she could to help me through it and she has done that and so much more than words can ever explain. I will always miss my daughter and her loss will always hurt but the pain no longer con-sumes my heart. I have found a level of peace that I never thought I would achieve and I am able to remember her with love and not just sadness and pain.

Angel Whispers, and Lori Ann, gave me back my daughter in every way. The support and understanding I have received has changed my life and I now feel that I am even stronger than I was before. I am stronger, healthier and happier and I am able to be the best mom that I possibly can be to my little guy. So many people underestimate the power of support. I am now able to acknowledge my daughter in so many ways, to remember and honour her and have others honour her also.

We are all part of a club that none of us want to be a part of but we are all so thankful for each other and I know I am not the only one who can say that my life has been forever altered in a positive way by having found Angel Whispers and Lori Ann.

I have no idea where I would be right now where it not for were it not for Angel Whispers…. actually maybe I do know exactly where I would be and that darkness is a very terrifying place which is why I am so thankful for AW and for Lori Ann. Everybody deserves to find that peace and everyone de-serves to have people in their lives who are willing to help them find it.

From Kelly, mom to angel Sophie

From Kelly


Our journey with Angel Whispers began February of 2014. At nearly 39 weeks pregnant, we went into the hospital thinking that my labor was in its early stages.

Our world turned upside down when our doctor showed us in an ultrasound that our baby had died. We felt so alone in this world. How could anyone possibly know what we are going through?

Then we learned of Angel Whispers through one of the social workers at the hospital, and attended our first meeting 3 weeks after our loss. Needless to say, this was an extremely emotional time for us and it was here that we learned that we are not alone in our grief. It’s truly unfortunate that there is a demand for such a program, but we are sure glad that we came across it at such a needed time. The group consisted of several families that were at different places in their journeys, some like us, were very recent and others were years deep.

Being new to the program, we looked to those that have been a part of the group for longer for inspiration and ideas of how to get through upcoming hurdles, such as holidays, birthdays, etc. Most of our meetings were facilitated by Lori-Ann Huot. We can’t imagine a bet-ter person for this role. Her compassion and empathy towards us and the other families is truly remarkable and we are honored to now call her our friend.

A few months after our loss, we discovered that we were expecting again. After losing our son, Jackson, so late in our pregnancy, there was no “safe point” for us now. Thanks to Angel Whispers, we were not alone as they also offer meetings for subsequent pregnancies after a loss. Some families that experienced a loss around the same time as us were also expecting their “Rainbow Babies”. Together we discussed our struggles, our joys and our hopes.Not only has Angel Whispers supported us through its monthly meetings but

Lori-Ann has made sure to use social media to keep grieving parents con-nected. The group pages are always updated with meeting details, inspir-ing photos, comments and articles. Also, Lori-Ann makes an effort to spend time with individual families to provide support and to meet the Rainbow babies

There are not enough words to fully describe how we feel about this program. We will be forever thank-ful for the support we received and continue to receive through Angel Whispers.

David & Daniella Fung,Proud Parents to

Angel: Jackson Tomas Fung (February 8, 2014)

Rainbow Baby: Rebecca Marie Fung (February 11, 2015)

Thank you to Cara Richards, a dedicated Angel Whispers volun-teer who is training as a co-facili-tator with Angel Whispers.

Cara and her husband Devin lost their son Reid on April 3, 2010 and attended their first baby loss support group a few weeks later. Cara has been very involved with Angel Whispers ever since, as a bereaved parent and volunteer with our program.

Cara co-facilitates our monthly Baby Loss Support Group meet-ings and facilitates our monthly Healing Hands workshop. Cara is the creative force with Angel Whis-

Angel Whispers Volunteer Highlight

pers and is responsible for designing most of our Healing Hands activities and Christmas ornaments for our Christmas workshop.

Cara is always there with a help-ing hand or well organized spread sheet for our annual pub night fund-raiser and Madison Memorial Golf Tournament!

Cara and Devin have 2 daughters they hold in their arms - Delia and their rainbow Cleo and their pre-cious son Reid who they will forever hold in their hearts.

Thank you Cara for everything you do to help to provide hope and healing to our grieving families.

In Loving Memory of my daughter Emily who I gave birth to June 12/12 Stillborn. I was told by Patti Walker of a support Group called Angel Whispers, even though I didn't want to hear about it. It took me a month or so to contact Lori-Ann. I really needed to talk to someone who could understand. The day Lori-Ann showed up at my house I swear to this day she is my true angel! I felt like giving up and didn't want to live, I also had a 4yr old daughter that I had to be strong for. I felt so alone, until I contacted Angel Whispers. I have attended many meetings to help me get through one day at a time. It's been three years since I first attended and I continue to attend meetings. Lori-Ann reassured me we would get through this together. Without Angel Whispers I honestly don't know where I would be.

From Amanda, Mom to angel Emily


August 11, 2015

Dear Lori-Ann,

A year and a half ago my wife and I were dealt the greatest tragedy any hopeful parent could experience. The loss of our first born son was the worst outcome to what was supposed to be the best day of our lives. The support we got from family and friends, while needed, was not enough to help us through the dark times. Their suggestions that God had larger plans for our son did nothing to assuage our sorrow. More often than not all they could really say to us is that they couldn't imagine what we were experiencing.

T h e A l b e r t a g o v e r n m e n t , i n their own wisdom, s lapped us in the face by denying my still born son a birth certificate. The only acknowledgement that they had of my son’s existence was a death certificate.

Why does life in the womb mean so little to those who are supposed to lead our society?

The social worker at the hospital suggested that we contact Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Program. At first I was not certain whether or not going to the meetings would be worthwhile. All I knew is that my wife wanted to go and I would have done anything to help her through those times.

My feelings during those first few meetings were mixed. It was sad to see and hear from so many parents that had lost their own children. But in that sadness there was healing. Having people to share our story with and to also share in their stories allowed us to honour our son Jackson and to have us honour the other parents babies.

For the first time in the weeks since our loss, we were surrounded by people who understood what we were going through. Some had lost their

baby years ago, some around the same time we had lost our son. We were able to talk to people about things that we couldn't talk to with anybody else.

For those who had lost their children a year or more ago we were able to findout how those parents had dealt with the milestone dates that we were facing. The first Mother's Day and Father's Day that we had been looking forward to with our baby were now dates

that we were dreading, like the first Christmas that we would be going through knowing that family and friends would not mention our son to us or ask how we were feeling. So much wisdom was shared to us by the parents from this group. So many ideas about how to handle our sadness and still keep Jackson a part of our lives.

F r o m t h e o t h e r parents whose losses were as recent as ours we were able to

feel okay that our path in dealing with our loss was normal. So many differentemotions were conflicting with one another that it was hard to know if we were progressing or regressing. Being able to share our feelings without worrying about people trying to fix everything was what we needed.

This past year and a half has been a crash course in grief management. Theloss of our baby was something that nothing in our lives to that point could have prepared us for. I am glad that Angel Whispers is there to support parents like us, to allow us to connect with others who have gone through baby loss and talk with them about how to cope. To get so many different perspectives from other parents experiences allowed us to learn how to deal with our own story.

I am confident when I say that without Angel Whispers there is no

way my wife and I could have gotten to where we are today on our journey to our new normal. Talking through your grief is one of the most important tools for being able to deal with the turmoil. People who have not experienced loss are ill equipped to assist people who are trying to cope with loss.

Angel Whispers has provided us with the chance to talk our way through our grief, to teach us that it is okay to feel sad and cry over our loss whenever those feeling arise, to allow us to help others like us that are dealing with the loss of a baby.

When my wife and I went on to have another baby with plans for more it wasgood to be able to connect with other parents from the group who were alsoexpecting another baby. To be able to share our fears for what could happenwith others that acknowledged our fears instead of trying to present false hope that nothing bad can happen. From this sharing came strength.

Thank you for helping us accept the feelings and chaos that come with grief.

Thank you for connecting us with other parents.

Thank you for providing us with a safe environment to share our feelings.

Thank you for honouring all of the babies who didn't get to live the lives we wanted them to.

Thank you for the support that parents like us need.

Thank you Angel Whispers.

In loving memory of Jackson,

David and Daniella Fung

In loving memory of Jackson

David and Daniella Fung


A father’s grief is different. Inherently men and women are different; we are raised differently and we express ourselves differently than women therefore it’s only natural that we grieve differently. From conception our bond with our baby is different than that of our partners. Because we can’t feel our babies move from the inside, we don’t have quite the same intimate connection that a mom and baby have.

We as men tend to be strong on the outside to help with our partner’s grief. This doesn’t mean we aren’t grieving, it simply means that we want to give the appearance of being strong. We are raised to be that way; to “suck it up”, “don’t cry”. Men are naturally fixers, when something goes wrong our instincts are to fix it. We can’t fix the pain and heartbreak of losing a baby, instead we do our best to be strong and be there for our partners. We often don’t know how to process the pain of losing a baby and show those emotions, therefore for many men, we grieve while alone.

The one thing that holds true for both men and women is that the emotions of grief can be like a game of snakes and ladders. Like the game,

Snakes and Ladders

By: Rene HuotDaddy to angels

Loren and Brooklynn

you will move ahead in your journey, and as time goes on you seem to be doing well and then suddenly you hit a snake and fall a few steps behind (grief burst), you spend some time there and then you make your way back to the ladder to climb ahead in your grief.

The game of Snakes and Ladders will eventually end, the difference with grief is that it doesn’t end, it’s a lifelong journey with more ladders and fewer snakes as time goes on. Some journey through the game of snakes and ladders easier than others; some climb more ladders, some hit more snakes.

Now please don’t think I’m suggesting that grief is a game, that’s the farthest thing from the truth. It’s simply the analogy of climbing ladders and hitting the snakes I relate to our own personal grief journey, and as I’ve explained it to others in my life they have been better able to understand what our experience has been like.

Little Champion Run & WalkIn Memory of Nolan Bradley Stenson

The Little Champion Run & Walk is a fundraising run benefiting the Stollery Children's Hospital Foundation in memory of Nolan Bradley Stenson. Nolan passed away after a short 35 hour life on October 25, 2014. His family was deeply touched by the care and attention given to him by the staff at the Stollery Children's Hospital. This 2 km or 5 km fundraising run/walk is to help ensure that other children like Nolan continue to get the amazing care that is available there.

October 24, 2015Benefiting Stollery Children's Hospital Foundation

www.littlechamprun.com

I am writing on behalf of my hus-band and myself to express our gratitude for Angel Whispers in our lives. We were devastated by the loss of our youngest daughter last year and thankfully shortly after her passing, we were intro-duced to Angel Whispers.

We are grateful for the sup-port this group has provided us. It has been a pillar in our heal-ing journey. Both the facilitator as well as the groups have been a wealth of support, knowledge, compassion and companionship within a journey that otherwise feels quite lonely at times. We truly believe that we would not be handling our grief as well as we have, individually or as a couple, if it were not for the support of the programs and resources that Angel Whispers offers.

It would be wonderful to see funding available to Angel Whis-pers so that they can continue to offer crucial supportive programs to families who have experienced such immense loss.


The ClubBy Karen Grover

We are all members of a very exclusive club. We had been only vaguely aware of its existence, and we thought that surely a chapter in a city the size of ours wouldn't have many members. We had seen a few people who belonged to the club, but we didn't seem to have anything in common with them, so we didn't really get to know them. Occasionally, we read stories in the newspaper about new members being initiated into the club, but it didn't seem likely that we would ever be eligible to join, so we paid no attention.

The price of membership is so dear that we couldn't imagine being a part of the club. We must have realized in the backs of our minds that people didn't choose to join and pay the dues--it was done for them somehow. In fact, no one really has any idea of how members are selected. There are a lot of theories; but much of the time, the theories come from non-members who don't under-stand much about the situation.

The "club" we are now in (although it is not an organized group), is known as "bereaved parents." The cost of our mem-bership was the life of our children; and we, like all other members, have no idea why we were selected for membership.

No one wants to be in this club. Even now, months afterward, inside our hearts and minds we continue to fight membership, but there is no resigning from it. It is an automatic lifetime membership. There was no way to avoid it--we did the best we could to keep our children safe only to have them die.

Though we lay awake night after night, and think of it day after day, there is no answer as to why we have been thrust into this select group. We hate it and we cry out in protest, but there is no way to change it. We have learned a lot since our membership began. We now understand much about the other members. In fact, we seek to be with them, to have regular get-togethers, to discuss our membership, and try to understand its value.

Sometimes, those outside the club

are afraid of us, fearing that if they come near us or talk with us, they will be selected to become members too! Acquaintances often try to ignore the membership, pretending that it doesn't exist. They seem to think that will make things easier, and then the members won't feel "different," but it really only makes things much worse. So many times, we have wanted someone to say hello or to tell us they have been think-ing of us or to mention something about the absent child who still lives inside us and overshadows all our thoughts.

We have heard people say, "I don't want to upset her, or remind her of her baby, or say something that will make her cry." We want to tell them: The only way you can make me feel worse than I already do is to pretend that it doesn't exist or that it isn't as deep and painful as you surely know it is.

Have you ever experienced the feel-ing of having one terrible incident go through your mind, day after day, week after week, month after month, wonder-ing why it happened and how you could have prevented it? Well, don't worry about reminding us of our children. We are thinking about them nearly twenty-four hours a day. Sure, sometimes our minds are temporarily distracted--it would have to be to function at all. But if you think there is even one day that goes by without our children’s death tearing up our hearts, then you have no idea what this club is all about.

We appreciate your talking about our children, or at least letting us talk about them. They are a very large part of our lives, and ignoring them now will really hurt us. It makes us think that you feel they are no longer important because they are gone. It hurts to think that people don't want to think about them or remember good things about them, just because they have died.

We understand that you don't want to say anything that will make us cry.

That sounds kind, and we used to feel that way too, but now we know better. We’d rather the tears didn't come when you talk to us because we know they may scare you away, or at least make you very uncomfortable. But we've learned how useful and necessary they are.

If we go too long without tears, our body builds up a terrible pressure from the pain of the grief. If you will allow us to cry in your presence, perhaps we won't have to cry alone, wondering if anyone else remembers, or even cares, about our loss. You can't know what will make us cry--sometimes we don't know ourselves. Some days we stay dry-eyed through nearly everything.

Other days, the slightest thing will start the tears--things you could not possibly imagine or anticipate. Not all the tears are tears of sorrow. Even in the midst of our anguish, we sometimes cry tears of joy and relief because you have reached out; because you have confirmed that our children were spe-cial; perhaps because you have shared with us some precious memory about them which we had not known before.Please don't run away from us. Don't pretend their death never occurred, or even worse, that they never lived! We still love them, think of them, and need to remember. Please share with us and we will all feel better.

We are learning that God is not pun-ishing us. He did not cause the death of our children. But, He can help us to grow through this experience--to become stron-ger and wiser and more caring, if we have some help. Initially, when we were told that we would change and grow stronger through this experience, we wanted to scream that if it meant giving up our children, we didn't want to change or get stronger. But we know we have no choice about that now -- they are gone. Now our choices are to either let God, and friends, help us to become better; or we can choose to allow this grief to destroy us.

We have to experience the grief. We can't pretend it doesn't hurt, or hurry it along. That's what membership in this club is teaching us. We are choosing to allow God to take an unspeakable ex-perience and use it to start life again...in a new and better way.

If you will allow us to cry in your presence, perhaps

we won’t have to cry alone.


Thank You!

Hearts of Blue®

Hearts of Blue, our employee-run char-ity, was originally planned as a one-time 50th anniversary event in 1998. It was so well received, however, that it became an ongoing part of Alberta Blue Cross's community involvement. Today, Hearts of Blue is a registered charity operated by our employees and funded through both employee and corporate donations.

Members of Hearts of Blue provide help where needed by volunteering their time and donating items such as food, clothing and furniture to dozens of organizations across the province.

Thank you to the Alberta Blue Cross Hearts of Blue Team for the generous donation of Angel Wings and Resources for our care packages!

In Memory of our Newly Discovered

Angels

All angels can be found on our website at:

www.angelwhispers.ca/angel-whispers

Please call or email us if you would like to submit your baby’s name to be remembered. If we

have forgotten to remember your baby on this page, or have mis-

spelled your angel’s name, please let us know.

Colin Bryan Froh March 3, 2015

Dylan Michael Peter GaudetMarch 24, 2015

Brodie and Zane BenoitJune 3, 2015

Lyric Sadie WamboldtJune 8 - 12, 2015

Twins Rice June 25, 2015

Jasmine BenoitAugust 8, 2015

Lincoln LamabeAugust 12, 2015

Baby CoffeyAugust 22, 2015

Tyrom Kellert September 10, 2008

Chantilly Kay LandOctober 10, 2012

Chace Eric Graham August 20, 2009 - October 12, 2009

Baby Gettelmandue date March 19, 2016

• To Melissa and Blair Kondro for hosing the 6th annual Madison Me-morial Golf Tournament and for donating all the proceeds to the Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Program!

• To all of the sponsors, donors and golfers who helped to make the Madison Memorial a success!

• To all the volunteers who helped to make the Madison Memorial Golf Tournament possible! Without your dedication and commitment the tournament wouldn't be possible!

• To Lorraine Hryniw for the generous donation to Angel Whispers and for the donation of quilts.

• To Nica and Romeo Hachac for the donation made in memory of their sweet angels.

• To Jane and Trevor Slywka for the donation of angel wings for our care packages.

• To Strathcona Family and Community Services for allowing us use of their meeting space.

• To Betty Dean for helping with our newsletter!• To all our Angel Whispers volunteers!• To Jennifer King from King’s Quilting Queen. Jennifer handcraft

beautiful baby quilts and donates them to Angel Whispers to be given to Angel Whispers families after the birth of their Rainbow Babies. For more information on Jennifer’s quilting, please visit her website - http://www.kingsquiltingqueen.com/

• To Kelly Monaghan for beautifully designing memory boxes for our Angel Whispers families.

• To all the families who donate to cover the costs for our care packages, birth certificate keepsakes and memory boxes.

Angel Whispers receives some funding from the Ed Stelmach Foundation. We also rely on grants, fundraisers, and donations from generous individuals to sustain our services to grieving families. Thank you for your continued support!


A life altering loss has brought me to

life changing relationships.

I first heard of the Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Group in August of 2013, when I received a message requesting a donation for their annual fundraiser, Madison Memorial Golf Tournament. I talked with one of the members of the group, a mother who had lost a daughter shortly after birth. I learned of how the group has helped her, and the kind of work they do. I was happy to donate, as I had myself, lost a pregnancy some years earlier.

I was only 6.5 weeks along, and was finally pregnant after a long year of trying to conceive with no success. The loss of that pregnancy was dev-astating; although I felt like no one really understood why. Fast forward a few years later and I had some close friends go through miscarriages after me, and I was quite familiar with the impact of pregnancy loss. I was com-pelled to help!

I wished I had known of Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Group during my miscarriage. I would have never felt as alone as I had felt through it. I happily donated a silent auction item to be used for the tournament September 2013.

The following month we were elated to find out we were expecting again! We had a successful pregnancy in 2011, shortly after my miscarriage, and had a healthy almost 2 year old, when we learned that we would have another. This time it only took us 2 months of trying, and we were so confident in our ability to conceive, and bring life into the world.

The pregnancy was very difficult. My immune system seemed to have given up and I couldn’t get healthy. I was worn out with two jobs, a toddler, a house and husband, and pregnancy to nurture. I felt anxious for baby to arrive so I could feel like myself again. We were half way through when we went in for our 20 week scan, excited to find out what we were having and to start planning another arrival!

We didn’t get the news we had hoped for. Our little one was sick, very sick. That was a Friday afternoon.

We learned she was a girl, but needed the care of a perinatologist as soon as possible. I received the call Tuesday morning, that the following day I had a 9 am appointment at the Lois Hole Hospital for Women. We got up that morning, and went there with expecta-tions that although our girl was sick, they would help us. They would help her. We would probably have a long road ahead, but she would make it.

“I’m sorry, but there is no heartbeat” was the update the specialist had for us. There are no words to describe the feeling in my heart when I heard those words. A baby, physically closer to me then she would ever be, had died. She was in my womb. She was supposed to be safe, but now she is dead. We were whisked to a back office with closed blinds where we were told through our sobs that it was not our fault and sometimes these things happen. We were recommended to go be induced right away.

So that eve-ning, we sol-emnly walked into the labour and de l ivery ward of the Grey Nuns Hospital to deliver a life-less child. The following day our Grace Maxine Flem-ing was silently born. Honestly, I don’t remember much. I think our brains have a way of shutting down during such painful situations. I do remember how grateful I felt that the hospital I delivered at had a room dedicated to stillbirths. And even more grateful that the nurses who saw me had also faced loses themselves. They were very open about it, and made me feel so incred-ibly safe. I felt like I was understood during the most confusing time in my life. I was terrified to leave. Not only was I leaving my baby behind, and go-ing out into a world with empty arms and an empty womb, but I was leaving that safe place where the people who shared my experience of loss, had also faced that themselves. The only

person, who would know how I was feeling, after we left those doors, was my husband.

I remember feeling like I was float-ing, and like I was in my own bubble somehow. Like my world had stopped but the world around me flew by at incomprehensible speed. Before we left, we were given some information about what to expect physically and emotionally in the weeks to come. I remember hearing them suggest Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Group. I knew of them already. I clung to that thought and that name like it was life itself over the following days.

Once home I would reach out to that support group, knowing it would mean belonging in a world where I felt com-pletely lost. I communicated mostly online for the first couple of weeks, as I was just too fragile to see anyone face to face. I had regular contact with Lori-Ann Huot, who is the program co-ordinator of the group. Her voice alone

was so comfort-ing. I opened my door days after my loss to find an amazing Care Package wi th healing poetry and a book on coping with loss.

There was a sympathy card addressed directly to my family, which addressed our loss of Grace. There was a beautiful white pair of angel wings, which are lovingly displayed on our fireplace to this day.

My close friends and family did their best to help us. Sending flowers and words of comfort, but I was just unable to open up to them. I was unable to welcome them into my home or call them. I know they tried, but they just couldn’t understand how I was feeling.

I met with Lori-Ann at my home a couple of weeks after Grace passed away. I can tell you, the hug I received from her that day had such deep mean-

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Angel Whispers...


DonationsAngelWhispers accepts

donations. A $10 donation will sponsor a care package for an

Angel Whispers family.

Donations can be made through the CanadaHelps website -

www.canadahelps.org

Find us under Fort Saskatchewan Families First Society, find Angel Whispers

under Fund Designation.

ing. It said “I understand, and I’m here”. Not something I had felt since leaving the hospital. Just the unspoken understanding that she too had faced similar loss to mine was enough to allow my shoulders to straighten and my lungs to take a full breath for the first time in weeks. We spent two hours together. Those two hours were the beginning of a relationship that I would grow to need as much as I needed my own family. From there I attended the month baby loss support groups and began friendships with other parents of lost babies.

Those friendships are, and will con-tinue to be the most important friend-ships I have. The sense of belonging is beyond anything I have ever felt before. I had never felt so lost and now I feel like I’m at home. I felt like a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the world but with the fellow members of Angel Whispers, I fit perfectly. I still feel that way some-times, when I’m out and meeting new people. It’s difficult to be yourself, when a part of you is so incredibly painful. When I am with members of the Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Group, I don’t need to feel like I am holding back. They all know my story, and I know theirs. We all know that we hurt, and that we cry, and even though we look ok, sometimes we aren’t, and that’s ok!

Sometimes I wonder how I’d be coping with my loss 8 months later, if I hadn’t reached out to Angel Whispers, or if they didn’t exist. I truly think that I owe my sanity to Lori-Ann, and the support group she facilitates. From helping me work through the array of emotions that no one could have pre-pared me for, the complications of life after loss, and just how to live, she has been there. And I think the biggest part for me is how long these aspects of loss continue and how deep they can go.

I know that most people understand that parents of baby loss have to deal with immense emotional pain, but do they know the physical pain we deal with? Do they know that we labour

and deliver like any birth, that our milk comes in, that we feel phantom kicks, that our arms ache beyond measure, and that we are left with the physical reminder of a baby we lost for weeks to come? Do they know the trouble we have sleeping, and the trauma that can begin after holding our lifeless child? Do they know how it feels for our bod-ies to go into shock, because we just can’t cope with the news of our child having died? Do they know that our sense of security, in life itself, is robbed from us in a moment, and we live years later trying to convince ourselves that we aren’t going to lose everyone else that we love and cherish? Do they know that in our moments of solitude, we relive our most painful memories?

Angel Whispers knows these things. I don’t think there will ever be time when I’ve “gotten through” my loss. I do think it’s an ongoing process that will last a lifetime, this grief us parents of babies who died face. I am so very grateful to have someone to take my hand and walk me through this journey.

The loss of Grace has put an im-mense strain on my marriage. My husband and I grieve differently, and at different times. We have a 2 year old in the mix, and sometimes it feels like it’s just too big of a mountain to climb.

What I like most about the support groups, is the mix of family dynamics. Some single moms, some moms who are married but attend alone, and some couples. For us, connecting with other couples has been very important in helping us learn how to work through this together, that our struggles are a normal part of grieving parents. If it wasn’t for that knowledge, I don’t know if we’d be willing to work on our relationship. I think we’d have pos-sibly given up on each other by now. Just the simple fact that the struggles we face are a normal and expected aspect of baby loss keeps us going. The knowledge that it’s not us, but the situation that we are in that is causing these issues, keeps us in this together.If it wasn’t for Angel Whispers, my marriage would be yet another thing that would be suffering much, much more than it has to.

In conclusion, I would not want to know where my life would be without

the support of Angel Whispers Baby Loss Support Group. I am sure I’d be a lot less able to deal with the loss of my baby. I am sure my marriage would be iffy at best, and what would that do to my living 2 year old?

I have since become pregnant again, and have attended the subsequent pregnancy support group. In fact, Lori-Ann was one of the very first people I told about this pregnancy. On top of grieving, I now have a new level of confusion and conflicting feelings to work through, and once again, I am able to have support through all that, from those who have already, and are currently, facing the same feelings.

I foresee a lifetime of support in the group I now consider family. As new challenges arise, and new situations test our ability to deal with our grief, I am comforted to know that I will have those who are walking this road with me, to help me, and my family through it.

I hope that the future of Angel Whispers can become secure, so no other family has to deal with baby loss alone. It is a terrifying road, and it shouldn’t be made worst by having to face it without help. A life altering loss has brought me to life changing relationships, and for that I am forever grateful!

From the grieving mother of my Baby Grace

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Healing OpportunitiesYoga for Grief Support:

Yoga specifically designed for people who have suffered the death of a loved one. Classes involve yoga postures, breathing and meditation along with educational and supportive topics related to bereavement support.Guided by Sandy Ayre, an Occupational Therapist and Certified Yoga Instructor. For more information and upcoming class dates, please visit -www.yogaforgriefsupport.com

Baby Steps Memorial WalkFor anyone touched by the loss of a precious baby, during pregnancy oranytime after birth. The 3rd Annual Baby Steps Memorial Walk to Remember will take place in both Sherwood Park, Alberta and Edmonton, Alberta for 2015.• Edmonton - Sunday October 4, 2015For more information or to register, visit the Baby Steps website:www.babystepswalk.com.

Angel Whispers Healing Hearts RetreatPlanning is underway for an upcoming sharing, caring and healing retreat, an opportunity for Angel Whispers families to come together for a weekend retreat to honour the memory of their sweet baby. More details will be announced in the Winter Angel Whispers newsletter in December. We are hoping to hold the retreat in the spring of 2016!

Pilgrims BriarPatch Centre for Grieving Families* Expressive Arts for Children ages 5 to 12 years old who have experienced the death of someone they love. We offer art, music, play, puppetry & drama for our youngest mourners to explore their unique grief journey in a safe & compassionate setting. Our parent/guardian group meets concurrently for other family members.

* Expressive Arts for Teens ages 13 to 18 years old who have experienced the death of someone they love. We offer art, music, writing & movement for our youth to explore their unique grief journey in a safe & supportive environment. A parent/guardian group meets concurrently for other family members.

For more information on these children’s grief programs, contact Cheryl Salter-Roberts - [email protected] or 780.413.9801 ext. #302.

Baby Loss Memorial MassYou are invited to gather for a Memorial Mass in remembrance of all children lost during pregnancy (miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth).Date: Tuesday, November 3rdTime: 6:15pmLocation: Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish, 13 Brower Drive - Sherwood Park

Cards will be available for you to write the name of the child to be remembered at the Mass. Cards are then hung on the tree in the foyer.

Bereavement Workshop March 15-16, 2016Dr. Alan Wolfelt will be in Edmonton to provide a bereavement workshop to grieving families. Sponsored by Park Memorial. Stay tuned to our website and upcoming newsletter for more details.


Fort Saskatchewan Families First Society (main office)

10302A – 99 Avenue T8L 1Y2or Box 3285 T8L 2T3

Fort Saskatchewan, AB Parent Link Centre

Phone: 780-998-5595

Fax: 780-998-5503

Families First Society is a non profit organization established in 1996. We are directed by a volunteer board and work in partnership with many com-munity agencies to offer a variety of programs and services. Our programs promote positive parenting and early childhood development.

Families First Society offers parent ed-ucation, programs for young children to learn and play, and family support services, as well as information and referral to other programs and services in the community.

Angel Whispers provides:• baby loss support group• Healing Hands groups• subsequent pregnancy support

group• resource lending library• quarterly newsletter• special care packages• Memory Box program• one-on-one and email support• birthcertificate keepsakes

Angel Whispers was created by three moms in the Edmonton area who experienced the loss of their babies: one shortly after birth, one through miscarriage, and one through still birth.

It is is a program of Families First Society of Fort Saskatchewan, a non-profit charity funded primarily through individual donations.

Donations, in memory of your baby, are acknowledged in our newsletter at your request. Charitable donation receipts are issued upon request.

Angel Whispers Care PackagesAngel Whispers sends out care packages to grieving families. Each pack-age includes a special momento and strategies for coping. Birth Certificate keepsakes are also available.

If you would like to receive or send a care package, please call us or email [email protected] ,

Angel Whispers

For meeting information, or to receive our newsletter or a

special care package, please call 780.998.5595,

ext. 225.Subsequent Pregnancy Support GroupFor families who are trying to conceive or expecting again after experiencing a previous loss. Contact Lori-Ann for meeting location.

October 18, November 8 & Decem-ber 13

Baby Loss Group For families who have lost a baby during pregnancy or after birth. Meetings are held on the first Sun-day of each month from 7-9 p.m. in Sherwood Park at the Family andCommunity Services offices at 2001 Sherwood Drive.

October 4, November 1 and Decem-ber 6

Angel Whispers is a non-denomina-tional program. However we honor and respect the individual beliefs of

our families.

For families seeking additionalsupport please see:

http://www.angelwhispers.ca/angelwhispers/support

angel whispers

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