andrew lines - february 8, 2021
TRANSCRIPT
ANDREW LINES - FEBRUARY 8, 2021
“When ritual is absent, the young
ones are restless or violent, there are no real elders, and the
grown-ups are bewildered.”
Malidoma Somé
“If you are parenting properly, you’re parenting yourself out of a job.”
Michael ChabonPulitzer Prize-winning author
THE WEEKEND AUSTRALIAN - JULY 20-21 2019‘OH BABY, WHY YOUR KIDS ARE NOT RIGHT, SAYS JOHN MARSDEN’ - STEPHEN ROMEI
Questions
What’s the most significant change (since you were a teen) that you believe your son or daughter will be experiencing as a 14 year old?
What age are you aiming on your children leaving home?
WHAT MY PARENTS DON’T KNOW ABOUT SOCIAL MEDIA IS…The world our girls are growing up in
PLAY - THEN AND NOW
FAMILY LIFE - THEN AND NOW
SOCIAL CONNECTION - THEN AND NOW
TRAMPOLINING - THEN AND NOW
PLAYGROUNDS - THEN
THE WEEKEND AUSTRALIAN - APRIL 30-MAY 1 2016‘KIDS ARE SPONGES FOR BAD PARENTING’ - NATASHA BITA
FAILURE
“We risk too little, we rescue too early,
we rave too easily, we reward too frequently.”
Tim Elmore
PARENTING - THEN AND NOW
SUPER HEROES - THEN AND NOW
FEMALES ON VIDEO HITS - THEN AND NOW
SEXUALISATION AND PORN - THEN AND NOW
RITES OF PASSAGE
Question
At what point did you feel that you transitioned from girl to woman or boy to man?
RITES OF PASSAGE
BIRTH
CHILD TO ADULT
MARRIAGE
ADULT TO ELDER
DEATH
TRANSITION POINTS TYPICALLY HONOURED AND CEREMONIALISED BY TRADITIONAL SOCIETIES
THE INVENTION OF ADOLESCENCE
RICHARD ROHR / STEVE BIDDULPHSHIFTS FROM CHILD PSYCHOLOGY TO ADULT PSYCHOLOGY
CHILD ADULT
Life is about me Life is about others Life is easy Life is difficult
I am immortal I am going to die
“When we fail to accept these truths we become a culture of perpetual childhood"
If…
DEFAULT RITES
Vandalism
Hoon driving
Gang activity
Drink driving
Sexual activity
Suicide attempts
Extreme risk-taking
‘Schoolies’ week
TWO ELEMENTS - RITE OF PASSAGE FRAMEWORK + CONVERSATIONS7 STEPS OCCURRING THROUGHOUT THE YEAR
STEVE BIDDULPH
“A successful and happy adolescence entails hundreds of conversations about what
matters, who you are and what you stand for. Yet many (young people) are basically
abandoned by distracted parents and the impersonal melee of large secondary
schools.”
SYDNEY MORNING HERALD, JUNE 2, 2007
FOUR THEMES THROUGHOUT THE YEAR - HOW TO BE AN ADULTCONVERSATIONS IN CLASS
THE HERO’S JOURNEYJOSEPH CAMPBELL
a same gender adult mentor
willing to spend time and be in regular contact (a couple of hours a month)
may work on a project or new skill
someone the student and the family agree upon
someone who shares an interest with your child
someone who is clearly the child’s elder
write a letter of invitation including why you have chosen them
DR MICHAEL RESNICKPROFESSOR OF PAEDIATRICS, UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA
During The Rite Journey it is our intention to have a 3
pronged support network for the students – • parents/carers • TRJ teacher • Mentor
“Young people who have a feeling of connectedness with
parents, family and school have lower levels of smoking,
drinking, other drug use, suicidal thinking, risky sexual
behaviour and exposure to violence.”
To build resilience
The lesson is not what you achieved…rather what you learned about yourself
Students will go through a challenge program
"Failure is a better teacher than success”
CHUCK NORRIS‘DO HARD THINGS’ - BRETT AND ALEX HARRIS
"Today we live in a culture that promotes comfort, not challenges. Everything is about finding ways to escape hardship, avoid pain, and dodge duty. In the past, young people were expected to make significant contributions to society. Today, our culture expects very little from teens - not much more than staying in school and doing a few chores. A sad consequence of such low expectations is that life-changing lessons go unlearned."
How parents can help
our responsibility of modelling good, strong manhood and womanhood
attend ceremonies/celebrations that you’re invited to (there may be some early mornings!)
have some conversations about TRJ content at home
help your teenager select a mentor and support that process
encourage and allow increased responsibility and all that comes with that – failure, consequence etc. Actively taking a step back – ‘intelligent neglect’!
EXPERT AUTHORS ENDORSING THE RITE JOURNEY
RITE JOURNEY RESEARCH
RESEARCH PARTNER WITH FLINDERS UNIVERSITY
THE RITE JOURNEY PARENTING PLANCREATING INTENTIONAL GIFTS TO BUILD RESPONSIBILITY
THE RITE JOURNEY PARENTING PLANCREATING INTENTIONAL GIFTS TO BUILD RESPONSIBILITY
AGE POSSIBLE GIFT RESPONSIBILITY
9 Sleeping Bag / Tent / Pocket knife Self reliant / Make school lunches
10 Watch / Alarm clock In charge of time
11 Sewing machine & kit / Clothing
Voucher
Choose, fix and wash own clothes
12 Interstate Trip / Movie Vouchers Being away from home by
themselves
13 Camp Cooker, Family Cookbook Cook evening meal fortnightly
14 Bank account, $50/month, mobile
phone (loaned)
Pay for toiletries, underwear, phone
15 Tool kit, personal devpt book Responsibility for own things/
relationships
RESPONSIBILITY PARENTING
Waking them up in the morning
Making their breakfast and packing their lunch
Filling out their paperwork
Delivering their forgotten items
Making their failure to plan your emergency
Doing all of their laundry
Emailing and calling their teachers and coaches
Meddling in their academics
THE RELEASE @ 18
FOLLOW ‘THE RITE JOURNEY WITH ANDREW LINES’ ON FACEBOOK
WWW.THERITEJOURNEY.COM - RESOURCES - PARENTS
RECOMMENDED READING - PARENTING GIRLS
RECOMMENDED READING - RAISING BOYS
RECOMMENDED READING - RESPONSIBILITY PARENTING
Any questions re TRJ
Step 1 - Chat to your child
Step 2 - Get your child to follow it up with their TRJ
teacher-guide
Step 3 - Email the school
@theritejourney
@theritejourney
@theritejourney
theritejourney.com
Andrew Lines
0432603655