and they all lived=082214 - pinecrest players...

And They All Lived...by Forrest Musselman

A One Act Comedy

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AND THEY ALL LIVED… By Forrest Musselman

Copyright © 2006 by Forrest Musselman, All rights reserved. ISBN: 1-60003-187-0 CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. Also reserved are: motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio broadcasting, television, video or sound recording, all forms of mechanical or electronic reproduction, such as CD-ROM, CD-I, DVD, information and storage retrieval systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation into non-English languages. PERFORMANCE RIGHTS AND ROYALTY PAYMENTS: All amateur and stock performance rights to this Work are controlled exclusively by Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. No amateur or stock production groups or individuals may perform this play without securing license and royalty arrangements in advance from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Questions concerning other rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Royalty fees are subject to change without notice. Professional and stock fees will be set upon application in accordance with your producing circumstances. Any licensing requests and inquiries relating to amateur and stock (professional) performance rights should be addressed to Brooklyn Publishers, LLC. Royalty of the required amount must be paid, whether the play is presented for charity or profit and whether or not admission is charged. AUTHOR CREDIT: All groups or individuals receiving permission to produce this play must give the author(s) credit in any and all advertisement and publicity relating to the production of this play. The author’s billing must appear directly below the title on a separate line where no other written matter appears. The name of the author(s) must be at least 50% as large as the title of the play. No person or entity may receive larger or more prominent credit than that which is given to the author(s). PUBLISHER CREDIT: Whenever this play is produced, all programs, advertisements, flyers or other printed material must include the following notice: Produced by special arrangement with Brooklyn Publishers, LLC COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Brooklyn Publishers, LLC.

CHARACTERS

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AND THEY ALL LIVED…

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NARRATOR/FAIRY GODMOTHER SHE tells the story and is very kind in

nature. WICKED WITCH SHE is very, very mean. BIG BAD WOLF HE is all bark but no bite and exhibits

a lot of dog mannerisms. RUMPLESTILTSKIN SHE / HE is the joker of the group. GOLDILOCKS SHE has that annoying habit of

saying “like” most of the time, and is generally annoying all of the time.

PIG #3 SHE was the pig that foiled the Big

Bad Wolf the first time and is now extremely paranoid.

BABY BEAR HE / SHE has never really recovered

from the first home invasion and is having some anger management issues.

GIANT HE / SHE is really just a big baby and

drives everyone nuts by rhyming all the time.

THE PRINCE HE tends to be a bit vain and

pompous, but it’s really just a cover for being too self-conscious about being left-handed.

CINDERELLA SHE tends to be very meek due to

the abuse from her stepsisters, but she is the true heroine.

SLEEPING BEAUTY SHE is very, very sleepy. WOODSMAN HE hangs out in the forest a lot and

is always willing to help.

TIME & PLACE The present. In Onceuponatime Land.

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BY FORREST MUSSELMAN

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PRODUCTION NOTES

This play was designed for the one-act competition, so the time should run around thirty to thirty-five minutes. The original set consisted of various platforms basically used to create different levels for blocking. Two enormous muslin sails with writing on them were placed in a backward V pattern behind the platforms to create a look of an open book. Costumes consist of large gray sacks that fit over the actors. The colorful costumes worn by each character are hidden underneath. There are no props. The original production used invisible fluorescent paint on the muslin sails and gray sacks. When the “color change” occurred, black lights were turned on and the color magically appeared. This, however, may prove to be too expensive for some school’s budgets, so however the “color change” is created is totally up to the director.

SPECIAL THANKS TO

The original cast and crew of this play who sacrificed their time to gather around an old chalkboard in the theater to help create these wonderful characters and ideas: Bre Bunke, Katie Lynn Humble, Eric Fiksdal, Stephanie Agrimson, Rachel Breitenbach, Nikki Gordinier, Erica Hart, Katie Heimgartner, Chris Hoegh, Krin Hoiland, Michelle Kahoun, Mickey Moe, Natalie Grindland and Kari Laumb. All those in the Rushford-Peterson community who helped support our experiments in theater. My cute wife, Melisa, who is the best theater critic in the world and willing to ride on a bumpy school bus with fourteen hyper teen-agers, and my little bug, Jackson. “And They All Lived” was first performed on January 22nd, 2000 at the One Act Play Festival in Rushford, Minnesota.

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AND THEY ALL LIVED . . . by

Forrest Mussselman

AT RISE: The lights come up to reveal the main curtain is still closed. The FAIRY GODMOTHER/NARRATOR enters from behind it and nonchalantly strolls to a bar stool where SHE picks up a book. SHE leafs through a few pages and finds a story that SHE likes. SHE begins to read. NARRATOR: Once upon a time there was a fairy tale land called

Onceuponatime. It was a wondrous land, full of grand adventures and interesting characters like talking evil wolves, kind woodsmen, magical fairy godmothers and stepmothers who were always mean. The poor peasant girl always fell in love with the prince and everyone usually lived happily ever after. (Enter the EVIL WITCH and mimes the following paragraph.) That is, until, the most dark and powerful, evil stepmother-slash-witch finally became sick of always losing out to basically everyone and took it upon herself to create one of the most amazing spells ever made. With a single wave of her hand, she washed away all the color from Onceuponatime and turned it into a gray and drab land, keeping all the color in herself to enjoy. (Curtain slowly opens. WITCH exits. Characters slowly walk on.) Devastated by the loss of color, the characters gave up on all the grand adventures they were on and began to wander the land aimlessly. Many years went by until, finally, the helpful woodsman sent out word of a meeting where the problem of grayness would be solved. Characters traveled from far and wide to the meeting area and, when enough people had arrived, the Woodsman started the meeting. (Characters begin to mime the dialogue.) “We all know why we are here,” said the Woodsman. “The evil stepmother-slash-witch has stolen our color and has disrupted our lives.” “That’s for sure,” said the great and powerful Giant. “I don’t know how I’m going to go on with my life anymore.

(GIANT’s voice overlaps. NARRATOR exits with the stool. ) GIANT: I don’t know how I’m going to go on with my life anymore.

This new life has affected me to the core. My beautiful bean stalk shriveled up and died the other day, because, since all fluids have turned gray, I sprayed it with window cleaner instead of water, hey. Anyway, then my pet that lays the golden eggs... my goose only lays gray blobs and is of no use. Since the eggs aren’t gold, I have no money.

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Since I have no money, I can’t feed my tummy. We are both on the brink of starving to death. Some days I feel like taking my last breath. (begins to cry and sob)

WOODSMAN: Well, no offense, Giant, but now you know how Jack felt when he tried to steal the goose. Take a gander at all of us. We’ve all felt some sort of loss because of the gray.

GOLDILOCKS: Like, no kidding, Giant. Like, what’s the point of checking out houses now... they all look the same? Now that, like, the color is gone I can’t enjoy putting on make-up anymore.

SLEEPING BEAUTY: (yawns) Goldilocks is right. Since the color left, my prince lost interest in me and left without even giving me a kiss. Now, I’m so sad, I just wish I could go back to sleep again.

RUMPLESTILTSKIN: I agree with Sleeping Beauty. I used to love dancing around the fire at night, but now it gives off no color. It’s not even fun spinning straw into gold anymore. (jumps off of platform and gets hurt)

WOODSMAN: I feel your pain, Rumplestiltskin. After a long day of cutting down trees, I too, would enjoy a nice evening fire to relax me.

BIG BAD WOLF: Yeah, we gots to get that color back. GOLDILOCKS: Why should you get it back? So you can go back to your

killing ways? BIG BAD WOLF: Hey, we wolves have to eat too, you know. At first, the

color thing didn’t bother me. After all, I was already gray, but suddenly Little Red Riding Hood just wasn’t appealing anymore. The ripe pink color of the third pig wasn’t there to tantalize me. What’s the fun of a kill when there isn’t any red blood?

WOODSMAN: I’m not sure you should be at this meeting, Wolf. (All agree, RUMPLESTILTSKIN jumps up and down and gets hurt again.) BIG BAD WOLF: I feel your pain. I really do. CINDERELLA: You don’t feel anything. You’re just like my evil stepsisters

and stepmother. Even after the color left they made me clean the house. I swear those floors turned grayer and grayer the more I scrubbed, and each day became more dismal than the first. I just kept wishing a Prince would swing by and save me, but why would one? They’re too busy worrying about the color being gone too.

PRINCE: Exactly. Besides, why would I want to swing by a peasant’s house and save...I’m sorry, what’s your name?

CINDERELLA: Cinderella. PRINCE: Right. Well, it’s true. I was worrying a lot. Day after day, I

lounged around the castle, eating really good food, trying to think of a plan to get the color back. I even had the servants thinking for me. If I could find the color, I could be the hero of Onceuponatime Land and finally live up to the expectations of my father, the King. It’s so hard

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being the son of someone that’s saved the day so many times when he was young. How can I compete? Especially since I’m left-handed.

WOODSMAN: Well, I think our worries are over. I recently heard a rumor that there’s someone in Onceuponatime that has the power to change the land back.

ALL: What? What? Who is it? Tell us, etc. (They all really say “etc”.) WOODSMAN: I don’t know who it is. Like I said, it’s just a rumor. They

say this person isn’t even aware that they have the power. PRINCE: Well, what should we do, Woodsman? WOODSMAN: I think we should split up. (laughs at his own pun) I’ll lead

one group and you can lead the other. Now, who would like to go with whom?

GOLDILOCKS: I’ll go with the Prince. (puts her arms around PRINCE) CINDERELLA: Me, too. PRINCE: Right. (stands up with GOLDILOCKS hanging on to him)

Maybe you should go with the Woodsman. Hey, Goldilocks. Is this Cashmere?

GOLDILOCKS: It sure is! You want to look good, you have to feel good. (They leave together with GOLDILOCKS riding piggyback.) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: I think I’ll go with the Woodsman. CINDERELLA: Me, too. It seems like the only thing the Prince could find

is a sale at a clothing store. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Hey, I like your style. Wanna try to guess my name? CINDERELLA: It’s Rumplestiltskin. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: No, that was just a sham I came up with years ago.

I’ll give you three guesses. CINDERELLA: What if I don’t get it? RUMPLESTILTSKIN: I don’t know... I’ll think of something. You coming,

Giant? GIANT: Sure... I don’t know what to do. So…I’ll come with you. BIG BAD WOLF: Who am I gonna go with? WOODSMAN: I suggest you stay here. We don’t need your help. BIG BAD WOLF: But I want to help. WOODSMAN: You’ll just help until the color turns back and then you’ll

start eating again. No, you just stay right here. BIG BAD WOLF: Whatever. I’ll just go off this way. WOODSMAN: No, stay! (WOLF stops.) Stay. (WOLF crouches down.)

Good boy. Come on everybody; let’s go find someone that can change us back to color.

(Everyone leaves except for WOLF and SLEEPING BEAUTY who is sleeping.) BIG BAD WOLF: Rats.

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SLEEPING BEAUTY: (wakes up) Where, where? BIG BAD WOLF: Relax. SLEEPING BEAUTY: Where’d everyone go? BIG BAD WOLF: They split into groups and left. SLEEPING BEAUTY: Which way? BIG BAD WOLF: (points) That way and that way. SLEEPING BEAUTY: Okay, thanks. (SLEEPING BEAUTY leaves in the direction of PRINCE and GOLDILOCKS. After a few seconds of pause, the EVIL WITCH comes out of hiding.) WITCH: Are they all gone? BIG BAD WOLF: Yeah, they’re all gone. WITCH: So, Wolfie, what were those colorless fools congregating for? BIG BAD WOLF: You was right from the beginning, Witch. They’re going

to look for color. WITCH: Well, they won’t have any luck because it’s all on me. (touches

her colorful costume) BIG BAD WOLF: They seem to think that someone out there can change

your magic spell. WITCH: No one has that power. Do you hear me? No one. It’s all a foolish

rumor. BIG BAD WOLF: Yeah, I hear ya’. WITCH: Nonetheless, you should follow them. Try to foil their plans. BIG BAD WOLF: Why should I try to foil their plan if their plan ain’t gonna

work anyways? WITCH: Just do what I tell you and don’t ask questions. BIG BAD WOLF: What should I do? WITCH: Follow that group that’s with the wimpy Prince. Just scare them

a little bit. They’ll give up looking and run back to their safe, gray-measly homes.

BIG BAD WOLF: Just scare them? No life-threatening wounds or anything?

WITCH: Whatever... just get moving before you can’t find them. BIG BAD WOLF: Hey, don’t worry, Witch. I got a nose that could trail a

runaway rock. WITCH: So you spend a lot of time trailing your brain? (WOLF acts like

HE’s going to say something, but doesn’t and exits.) So they all think they can find someone who can change the land back, eh? No one has the power to do that here... only me. And I’m not about to let that happen.

(WITCH laughs wickedly and the laugh turns into a coughing fit. SHE exits. NARRATOR enters with stool, sits, and turns a few pages in the book.)

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NARRATOR: As the witch rushed off to find a glass of water, the Prince,

Goldilocks, and Sleeping Beauty set off to explore the Less Than Enchanted Forest. (Group enters.) After walking several miles, Goldilocks began to get tired of carrying the Prince on her back and suggested that they find some place to stay and rest up for the next day. Since Sleeping Beauty insisted on napping every five hundred yards, they decided to try an old dilapidated house off in the woods. “Ohmigod,” said Goldilocks. “It’s like deju vu all over again.” “What do you mean?” said Sleeping Beauty. “Like, I’ve totally been here...

(GOLDILOCKS’ voice overlaps. NARRATOR exits. During NARRATOR’s monologue, the other cast members not in the group enter and become human props. One becomes a door; two lie on their backs and become a table, while others turn into chairs.) GOLDILOCKS: Like, I’ve totally been here before. I remember when I was

really little and my parents dropped me off in the middle of the forest and told me to, like, go play with some wild animals. So, like, I was running around and I found THIS house and I, like, went into the kitchen and there was this porridge and I said, “Ohmigod, like, it’s poor people food.” Well, I had always wanted to, like, try new stuff so I tried the first bowl and it was way too hot. The next bowl was so totally ewww because it was, like, too cold, but the last bowl was, like, totally awesome.

PRINCE: Right. SLEEPING BEAUTY: Well, (yawn) if there’s food in there, we should go

in. I’m hungry. (sleeps) PRINCE: Let’s not and say we did. GOLDILOCKS: Like what’s the problem? PRINCE: (points to BEAUTY) I think she should go. I need to save my

strength for the trials ahead. (pushes BEAUTY) Yeah, just go ahead and knock, my friend.

SLEEPING BEAUTY: Huh? PRINCE: Go ahead and knock on the door! SLEEPING BEAUTY: But... I’m so sleepy. (Hits head on door and

wakes up. Cast member playing the door can stamp foot for sound effect.) Sleepy! (hits head on door and wakes up) Sleepy! (hits head on door and wakes up) Sleepy!

(SLEEPING BEAUTY is about to hit her head on the door again but BABY BEAR opens it and SLEEPING BEAUTY falls to ground. GOLDILOCKS hides behind PRINCE.) BABY BEAR: Well, lookie here. It’s a person sleeping on my doorstep. PRINCE: (extends left hand) Hi, I’m the Prince and...

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BABY BEAR: The Prince, huh? A left-handed prince? PRINCE: Right. Listen, sorry to disturb you, but we’re on a quest to find

color and we were wondering if we could stay the night and maybe get something to eat?

BABY BEAR: Ummm, sure, I guess so. Come on in. PRINCE: Thank you very much. (PRINCE moves into the house. GOLDILOCKS walks behind him.) BABY BEAR: (sees GOLDILOCKS) Aaauuuggghhhh! (GOLDILOCKS, PRINCE and the actor playing the door scream.) SLEEPING BEAUTY: (wakes up) What! What? (falls back to sleep) BABY BEAR: (pointing at GOLDILOCKS) It’s you! It’s you! I can’t believe

it’s you! After all those years of torturous nightmares and expensive therapy, I finally come to grips with my sanity and you....you return! How dare you!

GOLDILOCKS: What? Like, what did I do? BABY BEAR: Ten years ago, my mother, father, and I were returning from

the honey tree and found that someone had entered the house. After further inspection, I found that my porridge had been eaten, my most favorite chair in the world was broken and, when I went upstairs, SHE was sleeping in MY bed.

GOLDILOCKS: Oh yeah, that. PRINCE: You didn’t tell us that part of the story. Listen, bear, obviously

we’ve intruded on the wrong house. We’ll just be on our way. (picks up BEAUTY’s leg) Sorry to have bothered you. Nice one, Goldilocks.

GOLDILOCKS: Hey man, like, it’s not my fault the bear can’t handle a simple breaking and entering.

BABY BEAR: Do you know how long it took for me to go upstairs by myself for fear that you’d be there, waiting with a broken chair leg in your hand and porridge dripping from your mouth, saying “Welcome, baby bear. Welcome to my world!”

PRINCE: Right. Like I said before, we’ll just leave you alone now. BABY BEAR: No, wait. I want you to stay. My therapist said in order for

me to heal I should confront my demons head on. And now you’re here. So, I’m going to deal with this. I am... I really am.

GOLDILOCKS: Cool...so, like, do you have anything to eat? BABY BEAR: Just some porridge. SLEEPING BEAUTY: (wakes up) Porridge? PRINCE: (not being sincere) That sounds great. We’d love some. BABY BEAR: Please. Have a seat. I’ll get you some. (BABY BEAR exits and enters briefly while GOLDILOCKS talks. The actors that form the table raise their hands to create the bowls. The

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group pretends to eat out of their hands.) GOLDILOCKS: Look, I’m, like, really sorry about that incident. I was

young and really wasn’t thinking, you know, about other people and stuff. I was just, like, looking for a place to crash for a while, you know.

BABY BEAR: Uh-huh. What did you say you three were doing? SLEEPING BEAUTY: We’re looking for the person who can change

Onceuponatime Land back to color. BABY BEAR: Color? GOLDILOCKS: Yeah, you know...the land has been turned to gray. BABY BEAR: It has? SLEEPING BEAUTY: Yes, for many years now. BABY BEAR: Oh... well, bears don’t see color anyway. When did this

happen? PRINCE: A while back...see this evil witch got too powerful and... BABY BEAR: Would you like to hear a poem, Goldilocks? GOLDILOCKS: Ummm.... BABY BEAR: My therapist encourages me to write whenever I need to

express myself. PRINCE: Whatever will help, Miss Social Skills. BABY BEAR: Oh, glorious day. How refreshing you are. The sun... brightly

shines, golden rays bouncing off the hill tops...tops of hills...hills like shoulders. Golden-gray locks of fire bouncing eternally off my tormented soul! (SLEEPING BEAUTY falls asleep in the bowl of porridge.) Oh, internal rage...which will not be quenched merely with water, blue... languid like the sky. Birds fluttering about...singing... tweeting...one bird pecking... searching? For food? Peck, peck, pecking at my barren broken heart. You tempestuous little vulture! You swarmy....

PRINCE: Right...well, we should be going now. Come on everyone, we’ll sleep in the darkened depths of the forest tonight. (goes to the door, opens it, sees WOLF who has just entered, screams and shuts the door)

SLEEPING BEAUTY: (awakes) Wow, great porridge. I must have the recipe.

GOLDILOCKS: (to PRINCE) What is it? SLEEPING BEAUTY: A recipe is usually step-by-step instructions on how

to prepare food. GOLDILOCKS: No. What’s outside? PRINCE: That wolf is sniffing around outside looking all scary and stuff.

We should run for it. BABY BEAR: Go out the back door and follow the path into the woods.

Take the path less traveled by and it should make all the difference. Keep running until you reach the babbling brook. You won’t understand a word it’s saying, but you’ll be safe there. Go. (PRINCE and GOLDILOCKS run off, leaving SLEEPING BEAUTY behind.)

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Wait! Aren’t you forgetting something? You can’t leave her here. Great! (drags SLEEPING BEAUTY offstage, muttering)

BIG BAD WOLF: (enters sniffing) Hmmmm, they must have just left. Hey, porridge! I like porridge. Wow, this is way too hot. What’s up with that? Hey, this is way too cold. What’s the deal?

WITCH: (enters) Busy foiling their plans, Wolfie? BIG BAD WOLF: I’m entitled to a rest every once and a while. WITCH: Well, I suggest you stop dogging around and fetch. BIG BAD WOLF: You can’t rush these things. When I first murdered Little

Red Riding Hood’s grandmother, I had staked the place out for days before I made my move.

WITCH: Well it’s time to make your move, you mangy mongrel. I’ve trailed the other group and it looks like they’re heading to the third pig’s house.

BIG BAD WOLF: Ahhh, yes. I remember her brothers quite well. (pats belly) It’s too bad I can’t blow down houses anymore. Asthma, you know.

WITCH: Just go there and put an end to this foolish quest. BIG BAD WOLF: Got it. (exits) WITCH: Stupid wolf. Doing my dirty work while I wickedly wait. (laughs

an evil laugh and it turns into a coughing fit and exits) (NARRATOR enters, leafs through a few pages and begins to read. Enter WOODSMAN, CINDERELLA, GIANT and RUMPLESTILTSKIN. A different actor plays the door.) NARRATOR: So, as the witch left to get a throat lozenge, the Woodsman

lead Cinderella, Giant, and Rumplestiltskin through the perilous forest until they reached the house of Pig. Having grown paranoid from the gruesome murders of her two brothers, Pig had built herself an unbreak-inable house, complete with electric fences and casatina wire. The reinforced titanium steel walls glistened in the sunlight as the group approached. “Want to guess my name?” Rumplestiltskin asked Cinderella. “Ummm, is it Maybeline?” replied Cinderella. “No, no, no! Do you want to guess again?

(There is an overlap. NARRATOR exits.) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: No,no, no! Do you want to guess again? CINDERELLA: Ummm, is it Stephanie? (Or any name.) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Is that your final answer? CINDERELLA: Yes, yes. That’s my final answer. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: (laughs and jumps up and down) No, no, no. One

guess left! Wheee! (Falls, gets hurt.) WOODSMAN: As much as it hurts me, you can play this game later. We

have much work to do.

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RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Righty-ho. WOODSMAN: Let’s stop here and see if Pig could help us four. GIANT: I’ll be the first to knock on the door. (The GIANT knocks. PIG sticks her head out from behind back curtain.) PIG: WOLF CHECK! GIANT: Little pig, little pig, let us in. PIG: Not by the hair of my shinny, shin, shin. GIANT: That’s a strange way to begin. Shinny, shin, shin? RUMPLESTILTSKIN: The only thing that’s strange is you rhyming

everything. What is your problem? GIANT: I’m not sure, but I can’t help it.

Give me some time and I’ll try to quit. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Well, make it fast. This isn’t some Dr. Suess story. GIANT: You’re right. (pause) I’m sorry. CINDERELLA: Can someone else knock on the door, please! WOODSMAN: Paranoid pig, paranoid pig. Let us in. PIG: Not by the hair of my shinny, shin, shin. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: So she has hairy legs. Someone try the doorknob. (WOODSMAN turns door handle. Door opens. They walk in.) PIG: (screams) Hey, no one’s ever tried that before. Shut the door. WOODSMAN: Sorry to disturb you. I’m Woodsman and these are my

friends Giant, Cinderella and Rumplestiltskin. PIG: Rumplestiltskin? What are you talking about? That’s Jane Doe. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Aaaarrrghhh! CINDERELLA: Jane Doe? GIANT: Well, what do you know. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: How did you know that? PIG: Don’t you remember? Kinder Garden Kindergarten? Nursery Rhyme

School? RUMPLESTILTSKIN: (slaps head) Gold Spinning with Mrs. Midas. How

could I forget? PIG: Yeah, you were very good. WOLF CHECK! (looks out door) Sorry,

I just have to check every once and awhile. What can I do for you? WOODSMAN: We’re on a quest for color. Do you know who might be able

to help us? PIG: Why? Who have you been talking to? WOODSMAN: No one. We were just... PIG: Who sent you? Who do you work for? GIANT: No one. It’s just us four. PIG: Sorry, I’ve just been a little skittish after the murder. (shudders)

Since then I’ve joined the Pig Protection Program, and they changed

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my name and moved me here. GIANT: What did they change it to, my dear? PIG: Well, before I was called Third Pig, but now I go by Pig number three. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: That’s the most unoriginal name I’ve ever heard. PIG: Well, despite what you think, I like it gray. That way I can blend in. CINDERELLA: So, you’re not going to help us at all? PIG: Good summary. WOLF CHECK! (Looks out door. WOLF enters.

PIG screams.) Oh, no! I don’t believe it. The wolf is actually out there. WOODSMAN: That meddling mutt. I’m going out there to take care of him

once and for all. PIG: Are you crazy? He’s stronger than all of us put together. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: If you’re comparing body odor, maybe. GIANT: Hey, don’t be a hero, man.

I’ve got a way better plan. CINDERELLA: What should we do? GIANT: Start a fire under that… (Remaining cast members enter and

form a tight circle.) pot. Get the water nice and hot.

BIG BAD WOLF: Hey, pig! Let me in. PIG: Ummm, just a minute. BIG BAD WOLF: Just a minute. What’s going on here? Let me in now or

I’ll… (tries to blow down the door, but ends up coughing) I’ll do something really bad to your house.

(Actors inside the “pot” jump up and down and flail their arms.) WOODSMAN: The water is beginning to boil. GIANT: Dare him to bust down the door.

Taunt him ‘til he can’t take any more. PIG: You want to come in, Wolf? Bust down the door. WOODSMAN: Yeah, you weak puppy! BIG BAD WOLF: I’ll show you who’s a puppy! (runs through door and

into pot of water) WOODSMAN: Quick, everyone run for it! (All run off stage.) BIG BAD WOLF: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. WITCH: (enters) You really ARE wet behind the ears, aren’t you? BIG BAD WOLF: I’m sorry, Witch. They got me good. WITCH: What am I going to do with you, Wolfie? You’re like a corn on my

toe. You’re like a single pea under a mattress. BIG BAD WOLF: That’d be a princess problem. And a princess you’re not.

(stands and shakes himself) WITCH: Are you standing up to me? WOLF: (whimpers) No.

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WITCH: I thought as much. Okay, Wolfie. No more sending you out alone, single-handed, by yourself. The redundancy is killing me. From now on, we’ll go after them together.

WOLF: Fine by me. WITCH: No mercy this time. We’ll take care of this problem once and for

all. (They both laugh wickedly and it turns into a coughing fit. They exit. NARRATOR enters, leafs through a few pages and begins to read. All the other characters enter during the NARRATOR’s monologue.) NARRATOR: So, as the witch went off to find her oxygen tank, the

Woodsman, Giant, Cinderella, Pig Number Three, and Rumple... Jane Doe ran deep into the woods. It was there... deep in the woods... that they met up with the Prince, Goldilocks, Sleeping Beauty and Bear. After telling each other their past stories, they quickly turned their attention to the story at hand. “We need to do something about that darn Wolf!” said the Pig angrily. “No kidding,” replied the Prince. “There’s only so far a man can be chased before he runs out of breath.” “Look,” said the Woodsman. “I’ve dealt with the wolf before and I can do it again.

(WOODSMAN overlaps dialogue, but the NARRATOR does not exit.) WOODSMAN: I’ve dealt with the wolf before and I can do it again. What

we need to do is stay focused on finding this person that can reverse the color spell.

GIANT: Focus pocus. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Would you stop that?! GOLDILOCKS: Like what’s the point of this anymore? We’ve like looked

everywhere and there isn’t anyone that can get rid of the gray. PRINCE: Right. We’ve looked everywhere. CINDERELLA: We might as well give up and go home. BABY BEAR: Fine by me. I didn’t want to come along on this adventure

anyway. PIG: Me either. WOLF CHECK! (Everyone screams.) SLEEPING BEAUTY: (wakes up) Huh? (falls asleep) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Stop crying wolf all the time. PIG: Wool you rather I be sheepish and not cry wolf? WOODSMAN: This bickering is getting us nowhere. We must continue

our mission. CINDERELLA: Oh, forget the mission. There IS no person to help us.

(NARRATOR overlaps the conversation.) And even if there was a

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person... NARRATOR: “And even if there was a person, don’t you think that person

would have changed the land back by now,” said Cinderella as her eyes welled with tears. “Let’s face it. All hope is lost.” And, as all the characters dejectedly hung their heads, suddenly, out of nowhere, the Fairy Godmother appeared in front of them. Fairy Godmother? Ohhhh. That’s me. (to audience) Excuse me for a moment. (enters the playing area) You shouldn’t give up hope, Cinderella. That goes for the rest of you, too.

WOODSMAN: It’s the Fairy Godmother! (All react.) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Holy cow, you almost gave me a heart attack. GIANT: Have you arrived to bring the color back? NARRATOR: No, my dear. I don’t have the power to do that. (points at

CINDERELLA) You do. CINDERELLA: Me? NARRATOR: Yes. You had the power all along. CINDERELLA: I did? NARRATOR: Yes, a long time ago, before you lived with your stepmother

and sisters, you were born to a very powerful witch. However, she was very fearful that others would try to destroy you, so she placed you on the doorstep of your stepmother’s house in hopes that you would be well cared for.

CINDERELLA: I guess she picked the wrong house. NARRATOR: Well, that’s over and done with, dear. And now you know

the truth. RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Well... change us back. Hurry up! CINDERELLA: But how do I do it? NARRATOR: Just close your eyes and wish it to happen. CINDERELLA: That’s it? NARRATOR: Yes, close your eyes, and all of you can help her as well.

Just wish it to happen with her. CINDERELLA: Just close my eyes. (SHE does) I wish back the color. I

wish us all back to where we were. (Music begins to overtake them.) I feel something happening!

NARRATOR: That’s it. Keep believing! You’re beginning to change! (Music gets louder as they begin to make shapes and forms underneath their costumes. The lights dim and the characters take off the gray sacks to reveal their brightly colored costumes. Lights go back to full.) CINDERELLA: I don’t believe it. We changed!

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(All react. WOLF and WITCH enter.) WITCH: (screams) I don’t believe it! What’s happened here! BIG BAD WOLF: Well, I’ll be...(stops) Lookit, Pig! Welcome back color.

Welcome back appetite! PIG: No! I didn’t want this to happen! WOLF! (exits running) WITCH: Whoa, Wolfie. Put the brakes on. We can still destroy them! BIG BAD WOLF: Sorry, but I’m not your slave anymore. Here piggie,

piggie, piggie! (exits) WOODSMAN: I’m putting an end to him once and for all. (exits) WITCH: Who’s responsible for this? Who dares to defy me? (No answer.)

Very well, then I’ll just turn you all back again! (lifts her hand to cast a spell)

CINDERELLA: Don’t bother, Witch. You’re not as strong as you think you are.

WITCH: Ah, so it was you, eh Cindy? Well, enjoy your new powers while you have them. You haven’t heard the last of me. Until we meet again. (leaves in a huff)

GIANT: Nice job, Cinderella. We won’t hear from her in a long time. CINDERELLA: Hey, you’re not rhyming anymore. GIANT: No, now I can preoccupy my mind with my castle, my golden

eggs, and food! I’ll see everyone later. (exits) RUMPLESTILTSKIN: Yeah, this party is a bust. I think I’ll go see if I can

harass someone else. Nice knowing everyone. (exits) GOLDILOCKS: Well, what do you say, Prince? Want to head back to your

castle and give your dad the good news? PRINCE: (looking at CINDERELLA) I sure would... but not with you,

Goldilocks. GOLDILOCKS: Oh, so, like, you’re going to play that game, huh? Fine.

Better keep your doors locked, Prince baby. I’m outta here. (exits) BABY BEAR: I think I’ll just follow her and make sure she’s not doing

anything foolish. (exits after GOLDILOCKS with an evil, blank stare)

PRINCE: Cinderella, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Would you like to go to the ball with me?

CINDERELLA: Well, I guess I could go… PRINCE: Great! CINDERELLA: But I think I’ll wait for a better Prince to come along... if

that’s okay. PRINCE: Oh. (A short pause... looks off in GOLDILOCKS’s direction.)

Goldilocks! Oh, Goldilocks! (exits) CINDERELLA: Well, Sleeping Beauty. (SLEEPING BEAUTY snoring)

Yeah, I know what you mean. I could use a nap myself. But first, I think I’ll go home and put an end to a few more nightmares. (exits)

NARRATOR: (overlapping) “I think I’ll go home and put an end to a few more nightmares,” said Cinderella and she left, marveling at the

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wondrous colors that had returned. And Sleeping Beauty, not knowing that the change had happened at all, continued to dream of a day when they could all finish their stories and live happily ever after.

(Closes book and walks off stage. Music swells. Lights dim. Curtain closes.)

END OF PLAY

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NOTES

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NOTES

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NOTES

FORREST MUSSELMAN

Forrest Musselman lives in the beautiful corner of southeastern Minnesota and teaches English and Theatre Arts at Rushford-Peterson High School. His plays can be found through Brooklyn Publishers and Contemporary Drama Service. He has done commissioned work for high school, college,community and professional theatres.

And They All Lived...by Forrest MusselmanType: One Act Play

Genre: Comedy

Duration: 30 minutes

Cast: 5 females, 3 males, 4 either, 12 total cast, 0-10 extras, gender fl exible

And They All Lived... is a comedy that takes place in Onceuponatime Land, where

the evil witch has erased all color from the land. Various characters from familiar

fairy tales band together and set off on a quest to fi nd the person who can make

the color come back. Little do they know the one who can save them is within their

midst. Perfect for all ages!

ISBN: 978-1-60003-187-8

and they all lived=082214 - pinecrest players...

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