the king of powerpoint by david gaffney

This is a story extracted from my show

Destroy PowerPointWhich was at the Edinburgh

fringe festival in 2009

lette

Look at this Look at this

the sombre dark blue of early PowerPoint its formal executive templates the stuffy board room feel

But Bob overcame that too.But Bob overcame that too.

With the coming of PowerPoint Bob could make words go

Like this

insert comedy clip art, insert comedy clip art,

and everything could be printed and everything could be printed

on transparencies, Bright, shiny and professional.

The day Bob witnessed the The day Bob witnessed the use of a data projector use of a data projector

Tanya thought it would send him over. She found him sitting on his own looking

into space his face pale and morose, his eyes moist. He was holding a sheaf of transparencies,

shuffling through them, and mumbling in a trembling voice.

I’ll never hold a slide in my hand I’ll never hold a slide in my hand again  again  

over and over.This fact hit him hard Slide presentations for Bob had been tactile,

sensual. He would stand next to the OHP with a

handful of transparencies whizzing them across the screen one by one

But as before, Bob got over it. But as before, Bob got over it.

The king of the overhead projector became.

His

texttransitions

a kaleidoscope of visual ideasa kaleidoscope of visual ideas

sprang from a well within him as if he had been injected with a dazzling

Technicolor drug. He showed Tanya how to usurp the tyranny

of the rectangle

But Bob was leavingBut Bob was leaving

the king of PowerPoint was leaving and his leaving do was that evening.

Tanya had been given the job of preparing his farewell PowerPoint presentation.

She had produced two presentations for Bob.

The first was calledThe first was called

a history of visual aids in the workplace with Bob as its hero

The second was calledThe second was called

Bob’s guide to email flirting.

Tanya was head of ITTanya was head of IT

And enjoyed access to all emails, business and private

The King of Sleaze focussed on Bob’s anxious struggle over his phrasings in a series of emails to a young accountant named Bev.

Whether

To say To compliment To end

HelloHowdy

HiHer blouse

Her shoes

Her legs

Her breasts

With kisses

Without kisses

If kisseshow

Many?

To mention

That the travel lodge

offersa half day rate

Bob’s wife Brenda was Bob’s wife Brenda was coming to the docoming to the do

and would be fascinated by the story about Bev and Bob

because Bev was an accountant at the company Bob was about to join.

The hug queue dispersed,The hug queue dispersed,and it was Tanya’s turn. What special words would Bob dredge up for

her during her hug? Whatever Bob said would help her decide

which presentation to use.

Because Tanya was the only person who understood as deeply as Bob the impact of a well designed PowerPoint presentation.

To find out more go towww.davidgaffney.com