the connection with davtd by jaime castillo searching for

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THE CONNECTION WITH DAVTD

By Jaime C a s t i l l o

Searching For Truth

In t h e ea r ly pa r t of 1988, p r i o r t o comming in conatact or meeting with

Vernon (David), I was sesrching for t r u t h end came about t o accept Chr i s t i an i ty

in regards to my bel ie fs . During th i s period in my l i f e , I was having d i f f i cu l ­

t i e s deciding v/hat I was going t o do with pursuing my ambitions in l i f e . I was

working and making a living f ormyself and also trying to find the right band

situation in pursuit for my musical goals in l i f e . I had hopes of bieng able t o

t ravel the world and rea l ly experience l i f e to the fu l l e s t . I wanted to head

for Hawii and travel to Europe and eventually make my way to other Countries.

In the raid.and l a t e part of 1987, I was working for a tool company doing

wef ehouse work in the shipping and recieving department. After 6 t o 8' months of

working, I began to rea l ly think as to what I was going to do as far as my musical

goals were concerned. I knew the job would only be tempera! t i l l something came

along with the music s i tuat ion. When nothing seemed to be happening, I began to

want to fo r f i l l my dreams and pursue what I had in mind with t ravel ing. I had

heard many stories of how people just went out and traveled making a l iving as

they moved from place to place with a raear bag of clothes or a back sack* I

tought and figuered I was young and strong enough to set out on a journey which

would entai l forf i l l ing my dreams.

There had been an older man who worked in the shipping department named Bob. On one of my lunch brakes, me and Bob sat there-talking about how much th i s job sucked. I began to t e l l him how that I wanted t o t ravel the world and see and meet people. Bob who was 53 years old, looked l ike he was a body builder at one time in h i s l i f e and was. s t i l l in good physical shape. I told him, " i f only had the money, Ide be on my way!" Bob Said "you don't need monqjr to t rave l , you can work for food and work as you go along to support yourself !• He said "your young Jaime, get out and see the world while your youth i s with you. I was 19 years old and didn ' t want l i f e to s l ip me by without going to places Id ' e been wanting to v i s i t . From that point en, the discussion me and Bob had v/as en my mind.

8

The problem I kept facing when I began to plan and set out my'for my

journey, was the problem most people probably had, MONEY! My financial s i tua -

at the time v/as not very productive at the time. I would on occasions recieve

potential ca l l s from bands locking for a drummer. I would go for auditions and

t ry out for bands, but just d idn ' t find the right soundUor I wouldn't be what

they were looking for. I knew that i f the r ight band or musicians came around,

I would have the oppurtunity to t ravel playing music i f the right gig came along.

I knew my musical capability as a drummer would allow me t o go in the direction

of playing in a proffessicnal band. I knew I s t i l l had aways to go in bieng

proficient as a drummer, but I had the motivation and ambitions to pursue drums

as a career. These object^would keep in Southern California for a l i t t l e wliile

longer t i l l I made the decision t o just go!

As the w^eks\and^days went by, s t i l l no band, no traveling, no g i r l friend

and not enough Money t o do anything that I rea l ly wanted to do. I began to

smoke a l i t t l e pot with„'guys from work, which was an old habit I broke or-toyed

tct_b$ake'/away from! The drinking began to kick in again on the weekaids with

friends from work. A3 soon as pay day came around, "hey Jaime! the guys are

going t o go to Mr J ' s tonight, the re ' s some nice lcking chick's dude, you want

to go" my friend G].en would say. Mr J ' s v/as in the same c i ty I lived in so I

tought ya! what time are you guy's leaving! The night club scene bagun to be

the weekly ritual,Aas I bagan to look forward for the weekends. The hang over's

and fight's was the situation I found myself in at times! I had quit drinking

two years prior and knew that I v/as headed for the same bul l shit again, which

I did not want to find myself in again!

I began to think perveted toughts about woman and my language was fuck t h i s ,

and fuck tha t . I was cursing a l l the time and became-very angry because things

wernt going my way. My conscience kept bothering me about certain things I do

but I would go against i t and do what I wanted to do. Sex, Drugs and Rock n Roll

again, my old l i f e s tyle began to kick in again l ike the my teenage days. I v/as

angry at t h i s God who I was told about,far not allowing me to be f rui t fu l l in my

musical goals and making i t hard for t o do v/hat I wanted t o do^with bieng bothered

by t h i s thing called conscience.

9

The tu rn around of th ings began took t a k e p lace durring t h i s stage of my •'

l i f e . I began t o have dreams and nightmares about l i f e and death. As a c h i l d ,

I was t o l d by my mother and grandmother tha t God knew and sat-/ a l l th ings which

eventually brought me t o t h e awarness of heaven and h e l l . Do good and go t o

heaven, do bad and go t o h e l l and burn forever . The t r a d i t i o n of my mothers

Catholic back roundjjprobably contibuted t o t h i s mind s e t . None t h e l e s s t h i s

awarness was something tine seem t o s t i ck with me whiles growning up. This had

been my toughts at t h i s point i n ny l i f e as t o v/hat I was going t o do with myself

and what avenue I would continue to go i n . I was conscient ious t h a t my works

might not be approved from t h i s God, but I wanted t o do what I wanted t o doAand

not even God was going t o stop me.

A couple of years e a r l i e r , I had experienced a s i t u a t i o n t h e brought t he

r e a l i t y of God and Satan t o l i f e . Durring my experimental s tage of drug usage,

Ide always had t h e toughts t h a t t h e end of t h e world was comming or tha t I would

d i e young. I sor t of contr ibuted t o t h i s mind set with t h e drugs I was taking!

Me and a childhood fr iend named John, who was t h e g u i t a r i s t t h a t influence^ me to

per sue music again) were constant ly doing drugs . On Christmas eve of 1984, v/e

had smoked some (P.C.P) or Super Cjjoljas we c a l l i t J a t a f r iends house,who l i v e t

near a park i n ^osemead. John l ived accross the s t r e e t from t h e park a few houses

d a m . V/e began walking down t h e s t r ee t about 11:40 or r i g h t before midnight. I

continued t o walk down t h e road and found myself a lone, appernbtly John had l e f t

off in t h e other d i r ec t ion and l e f t me a lone . I continued t o walk and looked

over t o a house accross t h e s t r e e t from t h e park, and not iced the t r e e s in t he

yard . I sa t t h e r e looking a t t he se t r e e s as they began t o take t he form of people

v/ith t h e branches turn ing i n t o human l imbs . I v/as focused in on the t r e e ' s as

they took t h e form of humans. I v/as i n t h e middle of t h e s t r e e t d i r e c t l y between-

the house and park as t h e wind began took pick up . I no t iced t h e wind swirl ing

me l i k e a whirlpool^as i t v/ooshed around me an'd decided t o look up at t he sky* As

I began t o look a t t h e sky, t h e wind took shape i n to v/hat I percieved t h e Devi l .

I t was l i k e a cartoon image with t h e red body and horns i n a muscular f i gu re . I t

spread out i t ' s arms and swirled i n t he a i r and came r i g h t down toward me. As I

saw i t comming my way, I closed my eyes and f e l l an t he ground. I then opened my

eyes and found myself en t h e f loor and r ea l i zed what had jus t taken p lace . I

stood up and v/as sober as sober could b e , contemplating what I saw.

10

A

k

I began t o walk through t h e park in the direction of John's house and saw

him a distance away. He looked back and saw me and came in my direction. I told

him v/hat had just taken place and what I saw. John says "you had a hallucination!*

I told him " i t was r ea l and that I jUst saw the fftftaSa Devil" I explained to him

how that i t got rea l windy and what took place. John looks at me with a look of

suprise and says " ya! i t did get real windy jjist out of nowhere!* After that I

went home.» This experience along with other simiular circumstances would bring

"me around to accepting a sp i r i tua l world as Ida been told about.

As the dreams and nightmares continued, one particular situation took place

one evening. I had gone t o bed after a hard days work at the tool company, t h i s

night was unlike other nights which I had never experienced in my l i f e . I had

th i s dream, I found myself in a nicely decorated home with every household appli­

ance availuble. In the middle of the l iving room was a staitway that led to a

Jacuzzi. While my toughts brought me t o t h i s livingroom in the dream, I began

t o consider what t h i s meant. I tought t o myself,that a l l that v/as in t h i s house

could be mine i f I made a pack with the Devil. I would have t o se l l my soul in

order t o enjoy a l l that I wanted. These toughts brought me to the attention of

the other side of the .room. I looked at t h i s wall on the otherside of the room

and noticed three furnaces. The furnaces began t o suck people in as I saw people

floating i n . I then fe l t myself being pulled in toward the furnaces and held on

to the hallway wall to avoid bieng sucked i n . At t h i s point with my eye's

closed, I opened them and found myself inside t h i s furnace. There was a giant

wall of f i r e in front of me and a metal wall behindVwhich had me trapped and no i *

place to go. I began to feel myself get rea l ly hot to where the heat became un-

barable. As I fe l t myself get hotter and hot ter , I woke up gasping for a i r . I

woke up and found myself running with sweat a l l over my body. My toughts at the

time, was that God was giving t h i s dream for me t o consider my ways and v/hat was

in store/, i f I kept pursuing the path and direction I v/as going i n . I tought to

myself "I bet ter get my shit toghether r ea l quik!".

In the following days, I kept thinking about what had taken place that night. I couldn't shake the dream away from my toughts and kept thinking about i t . I started thinking about a l l the wrong Id ' e dene in my l i f e , which I could clearly remember, and found myself with no rea l hope to be forgiven from t h i s unknown God.

11

I began t o remember t h e prayer my grandmother Thomasa tought me and s ta r ted

t o pray i n hopes tha t t h i s God might hear me. I had ta lked t o t h i s God before

i n t h e p a s t , in hopes he would hear me and help i n my wants. This time was a

l i t t l e d i f f e r e n t , i f he had given me t h i s dream, then he v/as giving me t h e

oppurtunity t o change ways and s t a r t over again. I began t o question v/hat I v/as

t o do or what t h i s God wanted me t o do!

I had never l iked church for t h e obvious reasons! I use t o hate watching

those t e l e v a n g i l i s t always asking for manor. I t seemed l i k e everytime I d ' e tu rn

the channel and see a t e l e v a n g i l i s t , h e ' d be asking for money. All the scandals

t ha t were taking place with t h e s e preachers v/as a big discouragement for as w e l l .

I f iguered, t h a t i n order for me t o get r i gh t with God, I would have t o s t a r t

going t o church and find h i s purpose i n my l i f e .

I began t o read my Bib le and found myself r e a l l y confused as t o what I was

reading . I d ' e never gene t o church with t h e execeptien as a ch i ld , nor was I

i n t e r e s t e d i n going. I knew t h a t I needed guidance and tha t t h e church was t h e

only place I could find i t ! I figuered t h a t t h i s would have t o be the f i r s t

s tep i n t ry ing t o get. r i g h t with t h i s concept of God.

There was a church ca l l ed Calvary chapel t ha t v/as not t o f a r from my home.

I had f r iends who had converted over t o Chr i s t i an i ty and chose t o go t o t h i s

church. Calvery chapel was t h e church t h a t members of a Chr is t ian band ca l l ed

(Stryper) a t t aided en occasions . There were a lo t of long ha i r people as as my--

se l f , who f e l t comfortable v/lth t h e congregation and the preacher . I chose t o

go to . this^ohurch because of v/hat I d ' e heard about i t and found i t c loser t o

home. This was t h e rock n Roll church t h a t some f r iends attended,'bo I would

have t o see for myself i f i t was l i k e they said i t was!

I f e l t uneasy about going t o church by myself and wanted a friend named

Danny t o go with me. I couldn ' t get no one t o govso I decided t o go alone one

Sunday morning. I drove down t o West Covina where Calvery chapel was loca ted ,

and saw a parking lo t f u l l of ca r s and people a r r i v i n g . I f e l t scared because

I d i d n ' t see anyone I knew and s t i l l f e l t l i k e t h e Devil himself! After f ind -

a parking spot , I proceeded t o walk in t h e d i rec t ion of the church a lone. I

walked i n t o t h e church and found a seat almost t o t h e back so I wouldn't a t t r a c t

t o much a t t en t ion with my long ha i r at t h e t ime .

12

As the sermon began, the congregation stood up and began to sing some

songs. I f e l t uneasy because I didn' t know itNand sensed that people were look­

ing at me funny. After a few hyms, the pastor began t o give his sermon cm. for ­

giveness of sins and so forth. I fel t gui l ty as a sib as I reflected on the pas t .

I heard him 3ay "Exccepf Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and repent of your

sishs" People started singing and others began t o walk up t o the front of the

church with' there heads bowed down and others crying. I said to myself " Iv ' e

done t o much sh i t , tJ not even worthy t o be forgiven!* I stood up holding the

tears back and lef t the church. I kept t e l l ing t h i s God "I can't do'God!" I don't

know what you want from me!" I waited t i l l I got in my truck and started to cry.

"I'm sorry God, I'm sorry, I just can't do i t " I continued as I drove away from

the area.

The following week, I had been debating what I was going t o do. The dream,

the nightmares were s t i l l fresh in my mind. My conscience s t i l l pricking my

toughts as to what I had to do. As the following Sunday approached, I was going

have t o go up to the front l i ke a l l the other people did the previous weekend. I

was going to have t o go up, which made me rea l nervous. I had already repented in;.;.'

bedroom but now I would have t o go up t o the front in the church. I made^to'^church

again and wait through the r i t u a l . I had come to accept C^ristjmore concerned

about the people in the crowd looking at me, but in s iner i ty asking for forgiveness.

As the day's and week's followed, I v/as real ly trying to be born again by

changing my habits of partying, curseing, and bieng angry. I knew v/hat my

intentions were, but th i s thing called l i f e seem to get the best of me. I was

s t i l l smoking pot, drinking ortce in awhile and s t i l l bieng as lus t ful l as ever.

I knew th i s condition wasn't acceptable with Godwin what l i t t l e I knew about the

Bible, and"', didn' t want t o find myself bieng a hypocrite l ike the preachers I had

seen. This was why I never wanted to go t o church, I would have to change my

ways knowing I couldn't be able t o knock certain v ises . I didn't want to be

trying t o jjistify.my actions and be doing the samething I was doing in going

against my conscience.

0

I began to rea l ly t ry and understand why I was the way I was and couldn't figure

out what t h i s God wanted me to do with my l i f e . I was abit content thinking J

was alright with God, but I r ea l ly wanted t o be sure I 'de been forgiven and

wanted some type of confirmation.

I continued t o go t o church on the weekends trying t o get some spir i tual

guidance as to what God wanted me to do. I found myself not rea l ly having any

answers t o the questions I had in regards t o my condition. I was s i l t ing in the

church one Sunday afternoon l is tening t o the same sermon Id ' e heard the previous

weekends. The pastor began the sinners prayer far forgiveness of sins again,

".liist accept Jesus as your personal SavcUr and be forgiven of your sins" As I

heard those words, I sat there l is tening thinking about the sina-I v/as s t i l l

committing after accepting Christ . I tought to myself "If Christ has forgiven

me! then who's going t o forgive me for the sins I keep committing?" there has to

more, i t jtist seems t o easy!". I was baring so much gu i l t an a i l that I ' de done

in l i f e , that Salvation seem t o easy. The ba t t l e continued with myself as I con­

tinued t o over come my vices,(or a t lea ts attempted to . )

The music situation was s t i l l my goal , I wanted t o get a Christian band

goin& although I was s t i l l troubled on and off obout my toughts and questions.

I had come in contact with a musician from Iowa, he was the singer for h is band

back home and had traveled t o California t o get h is music career going. We

formed our band called (Savior) and began to write some Christian orientated A

(Rock n Roll.' We were trying to set a good example as to those who would hear v*'**ir

out music and the titled" we were earring as Christians. My friend Mike, who was the singer from Iowa, had the same goals in trying to get a possitive message out t o teenagers. The only problem I had at tha t point, was that we if ere np

i i diffenrent then the so called world. As Christians, I had read certain passages which taught that the follower's of Christ must sustain from fleshly l u s t ' s such as the lus t of the eye's and tought 's of the heart . Here we were talking about which g i r l s v/e wanted t o fuck and how big some g i r l ' s t i t ' s were! I knew that something was wrong here. I ' de confront my friend mike on some of these issues and he made i t sound l i ke no matter v/hat he did, he v/as forgiven because-Jesus Christ was his personal Savior. I fe l t hypocritical andy,trying t o figure out what the he l l was wrong, there had to,,something more t o i t !

$

As Mike and I went in our own musical and spir i tual directions, we continued

to be friends and keep in touch. Around th i s same time peroid, I had come in

3ontact with Vrnan (David). On my f i r s t v i s i t with him at the house in Pomona,

Vernon (David) gave me a very good example of what I had experienced with myself

and re l ig ion.

In ourstudy of the book of revelation, we were reading the third chapter in

the fourteenth through seventeenth verses. I t read "And t o the church of the

Laodiceans write* These things saith the amen, The Faithfull and t rue witness,

the begining of the creation of God: I know thy works, that thou art neither cold

nor hot; I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because^art lukewarm, and neither

cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth. He bagan to i l l u s t r a t e and said "

As in the church of Ladocla, there are many Christians today v/ho feel that they

are a l l r ight with God because they say they believe and yet there works show other

wise. Thf ea£people who are lOOjS for God others v/ho are 100$ against God. Some

are Hot for God and do what they can in thtjpef best efforts to do right and that

which i s pleasing to God, and others who are to ta l ly Cold against God and don't

rea l ly care to know the t ru th . He"ccntinued and said "what's worst then both of these

group'; are those v/ho are lukewarm. Like the Ladocians! these people are right in

the middle, there not against or for, jjist in the middle. One foot in he l l and the

other in heaven. People want the best of both worlds thinking that God approves of

the i r actions"• He continued ttsee Jaime, you don't want to take a hot shower i f

the waters boiling hot, and you don't want to take a cold shower with ice water.

You want the water to be nice and warm where you feel comfortable. M0st Christians

are in th i s condition, the i r comfortable with their l i f e s ty les , comfortable with

that which they have^and don't even rea l ize their condition. God says he ' s going

t o (spue) them out. Tfteir bl ind, ndserablej'poor and naked and don't even real ize

i t " .

This condition was t rue in what I v/as experiencing with myself and those who claimed to be Christians. When Vernon (David) brought t h i s to my attention through the Bible, he had confirmed tob me what my current situation was. I t was a hard b i t e to take, but in a l l honest/with myself! i t v/as the t ruth!