spoken word into an entertainingly compelling sequence of ...englishonlineclub.com/pdf/paul mcgee -...

‘Thisbookisdisturbinglygood.ItsimplifiesthecomplexchallengeoftheSpokenWordintoanentertaininglycompellingsequenceofeasy-to-usegoldennuggets.McGeeisyetagaindoinghisverybesttoputmeoutofbusiness.'

GrahamDavies–BestsellingAuthorofThePresentationCoach

‘PaulMcGeehastheabilitytopresentpracticalandeffectiveadviceinaveryaccessibleandhumorousway.Researchshowsthatspeakinginpublicisoneofthebiggestfearsforsomanypeople,yetitisaskillweneedtocalluponinbothourprofessionalandpersonallives.Paul'stipswillhelpyounotonlyovercomethosenerves,butpresentyourideasandyourselfinthemostpowerfulwaypossible.Whetheryouarestandingonstagegivingakeynotepresentationinfrontofhundredsofpeople,oraimingtomakethebestimpressionone-to-one,thisbookisanessentialread.'

AndyLopata–InternationalSpeakerandAuthorofthreebooksonNetworkingandReferrals,including…andDeathCameThird!

‘Awonderfulbookthatisbothpracticalandfuntoread.Thestyleofwriting,useofstoriesandthefactthatitisburstingwithtools,tipsandtechniqueswilltakeyourabilitytocommunicateandengagewithotherstoanewlevel.'

SueAtkins–Speaker,AuthorandITVThisMorningParentingExpert

‘Paulwritesinawonderfuldown-to-earthstyle,whichispunchy,poignant,andpackedwithbrilliance.Deliveredinafun,practicalwaythisbookwillbeinvaluabletoanyonewantingtospeakwithgreaterimpact–whatevertheirexperience.'

GeoffRamm–InternationalSpeakerandAuthoronCelebrityServiceandOMGMarketing

‘PaulMcGeeprovidesaninsightfulandpracticalguidetotheworldofspeakingandcommunicatingwithmaximumimpact.Whatmakesthebookuniqueisthewisdomofovertwenty-years'publicspeakingthatPaulbringstolifewithpersonalstoriesandexperience.Ifyouareeverrequiredtopresent,sell,orpitchadeal,orareabouttobeinterviewedforyournextbigroleinlife,thenyoumustreadthisbook.Why?Because…

Youwilllearnsimpleandpracticaltipsthatwillincreaseyourconfidence,

yourimpact,andwillmotivateyouraudiencetotakepositiveaction.'

SteveHeadFPASPSAEFISMM–ProfessionalSpeaker,PerformanceCoach,andAuthor

‘Thisbookisdown-to-earth,grittyandoozesexperience.I'vebeenspeakingforovertwentyyears…trustme,I'velearntfromthisbook.PaulMcGeeisclearlyaskilledhelper.'

KrissAkabusiMBE

‘Communicationwithinyourorganizationiscriticaltoyourimageandsuccess.Thisbookisfullofwisdomandsharponelinersthatwillhelpyoudoyourjobbetter.'

MollyHarvey–Speaker,ExecutiveCoach,Author

‘Talkischeap.Beinglistenedtoispriceless.Andthisbooktellsyouhow.Brilliantly.'

AndyCope–ConferenceSpeakerandBestsellingAuthorofTheArtofBeingBrilliant

‘Thisbookisriveting–revealingsomanyhometruths.Ifyouareseriousaboutwantingtocommunicatemoreeffectively,makesureyoureadit.'

JulieFadden–ChiefExecutiveSouthLiverpoolHomes,SundayTimes‘NumberOneBestNot-for-ProfitCompanytoWorkFor'forthreeconsecutiveyears

‘PaulMcGeespeaksaroundtheworld–notbecauseheisfamous–butbecauseheisoneofthebest.Iknow,I'veseenhimatwork.Thisbookrevealsnuggetsofwisdomthatwillhelpyoutocommunicateinawaythatengagesyouraudiencesandmovesthemtoaction.Andhedoesitinafunandpracticalway.I'mproudtorecommendthisbook.'

LeeJackson–PresidentoftheProfessionalSpeakingAssociationintheUKandIreland,andAuthorofPowerPointSurgery

‘Learningacriticalskill--likehowtospeak--fromabadsourcenotonlystopsyouachievingthesuccessyoudeserve,butsetsinbadhabitsthatarethendifficulttochange.Readingthisbookwilldotwothings.One,youwillbelearningfromaworldclasssource:aguywhohastravelledtheglobeasaninternationalspeakerfordecades.Two,youwillbetaughtbyamasterfulbestsellingauthorwhoknowshowtobringacrosspowerfulideasinaninspirational,motivational,and,mostimportantly,funway.Thisbookwillchangeyourlife.'

DavidThomasGMM–InternationalSpeaker,SundayTimes#1BestsellingAuthor

‘Here'sthedeal:thisbookwilldefinitelyhelpyoutobeamoreeffectivecommunicator.Warm,waffle-free,practical,andinsightful,it'sbrilliantstuff,aninvestmentthatwillpaymassivedividends.Sojustbuyit.'

JeffLucas–InternationalSpeaker,BestsellingAuthorandBroadcaster

‘Ihavenearlyahundredbooksonpublicspeakingandthisisarefreshinglydifferenttakeonallofthem.You'llreaditinhoursbutthemessageswillstaywithyouforyears.It'sclever,insightfulandpackedwithtakeawaytips.'

JeremyNicholas–WriterandBroadcaster

HowtoSpeaksoPeopleReallyListen

Thestraight-talkingguidetocommunicatingwithinfluenceandimpact

PaulMcGee

Thiseditionfirstpublished2017

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Coverdesign:Wiley

InmemoryofVickyTaylor.Welllovelylady,

youcertainlyleftalegacy.

ContentsForewordbyAndyBounds,communicationexpert

Introduction:Whythisstuffreallymatters

PART1:THESEVENGREATSINSOFSPEAKING

SIN1:Afailuretomakeyourmessagestickyormemorable

SIN2:Drowningpeopleindetail

SIN3:Afailuretoconsiderorunderstandyouraudience'sneeds

SIN4:Focusingonfeaturesratherthansellingbenefits

SIN5:Wingingit

SIN6:Showingslidesthatsuck...thelifeoutofyouraudience

SIN7:Takingpeopleonapointlessramble

PART2:EIGHTGREATWAYSTOSPEAKSOPEOPLEREALLYLISTEN

WAY1:Getreal

WAY2:Getyourattitudeintogear

WAY3:Startattheend

WAY4:Sortoutyourskeletons

WAY5:Grab’embytheeyeballs

WAY6:Becomeanartist

WAY7:LearnlessonsfromJC,Jo,andtheGreekguy

WAY8:Shineatquestiontime

PART3:I'MGLADYOUASKEDTHAT...

QUESTION1:Isitpossibletogetridofmynervesbeforepresenting?

Question2:Isiteverappropriatetousehumourinmypresentation?

QUESTION3:Howimportantisbodylanguagewhencommunicatingwithothers?

Sowhat'snextforyou?

Sowhatdidyouthink?

AboutPaulMcGee

OtherbooksbyPaulMcGee

WantPaultospeakforyourorganization?

ForewordbyAndyBounds,communicationexpertYoucommunicateallthetime.

Soyoumightaswellbebrilliantatit.

Butitsureishardtodowell,isn’tit?Afterall,peoplehavedifferentprioritiesandpersonalitiestoyou.Theymightnotlikewhatyoulike.So,foryoutobeagoodcommunicator,it’simportanttoadaptyourmindsetandmessagessotheyresonate.

Paul’sbookwillhelpyoudothis.He’llchallengeyourthinkingabouthowyoucommunicate.He’llthenexploreloadsofstrategiestoimprovehowyoudoit.

Infact,you’reonlyafewhoursawayfromcommunicatingbetterthanyoueverthoughtpossible…

Whatpartofyourbodywillthisbookimpact?Ihaveathoughtforyou…

Imaginethat,everytimesomeonecommunicatedwithyou,itturnedpartofyourbodybrightgreen–thebodypartthey’dhadthebiggestimpacton.

So,ifsomeonetaughtyousomethingnew,you’dbeclevererthanbefore.Soyou’dhaveabrightgreenhead.

Orifsomeonetoldyouanemotionalstorythatmadeyoufeeldifferently,it’dbeagreenheartcommunication.

Ifindmostbusinessbooksareoneofthesetwo–greenheadsorhearts.Youknowthesortofthing–youreadthem,learnstuff,enjoythem…

Butthisisn’tenough.

Afterall,what’sthepointofusbecomingcleverer/happierifwedon’tdoanythingdifferentlyasaresult?

No–instead,thebestbooksgiveyougreenhands.Theycauseustodothingsdifferently.

Whichbringsmetothisbook…

WhythisbookwillhelpyoucommunicatebetterPaulhasusedallhisexperience–andthat’salot–togiveyougreenhands.Toimprovehowyoucommunicate.Youwon’tjustlearnstuff.You’llreadoneofhistips,thenbeabletouseitimmediately.

Thewholething’swrittensoyoucanadopthistechniqueseasily.Evenbetter,eachchapterendswithPaulchallengingyoutofocusontheonekeyactionyou’lltakeafterreadingit–whathecalls‘MyOneThing’.Andwithtwentychapters,bymymaths,you’reabouttohavetwentynewthings.Howmanybusinessbookscanyousaythatabout?

Myadvice–asyoureadit,havethreethingswithyou:

1. Apentowriteyouractionsdown

2. Somepapertowritethemon

3. Adrink.You’llloseyourselfinthisbook.Sohaveadrinkhandy.Thatway,youwon’tneedtobreakofffromreading!

I’vereadcountlessbooksoncommunication.I’vewrittenafewmyself.Butthisonestandsoutassomethingthatwillmakeyoucommunicatebetter.

Itssolepurposeistogiveyougreenhands.

Anditwill.AndyBoundsCommunicationexpert,authorandaward-winningconsultantwww.andyboundsonline.com

Introduction:Whythisstuffreallymatters“Wecanalltalk.Thechallenge?Gettingpeopletolisten.”

Imaginethescene.You’redesperatetowinanewjob.You’vecompletedalengthyapplicationprocess.Youwerethrilledtohaveaninitialtelephoneinterview.Thatwentwell.Youprogressedtothenextstage.Yourexcitementincreased.Youpreparedextensivelyforyourface-to-faceinterview.

Andthenthelettercame.

You’vemadeittothefinalstageoftheprocess.Asecondinterviewatheadofficewhichwillalsoincludeyougivingaten-minutepresentation.

Youplanforthisfinalinterviewasifyourlifedependedonit.Insomeways,youfeelitdoes.Youryearsofstudyandsacrificelookliketheywillfinallypayoff.

You’retantalizinglyclose.

You’veneverhadanytrainingorcoachingongivingapresentationbefore,butyou’vesatthroughcountlesspresentations.

Youknowthescore.

Politeandformalopening.

Aslideshowingalistofbulletpointsoutliningyourobjectives.

Thenanoverviewofyourbackground.

Asectionthatincludesanoverviewofthecompanyandwhatyou’velearntaboutthem.

Thenextsectionisontheroleandwhatspecificskillsyoucanbringtoit,followedbyasummaryandconclusion.

Ohandonemorething.Yourfinalslide.

‘Thankyou.Anyquestions?’

Youlikemakingslides.Andiftheinterviewermissedanything,you’vewrittendownallthedetailsonthem,whichtheycanalwaysreferbackto.

You’reready.Thisisit.Thechanceofalifetime.

Fastforwardtwoweeks.

Thejobwenttosomeone.Butitwasn’tyou.

Therecruitmentagencyinformsyouthatyouwerethestrongestcandidateonpaper.You’dmadeitdowntothelastthree.Yourbackgroundandexperiencewerejustwhattheywerelookingfor.

You’regutted.

Sowhatwentwrong?

Inanutshell:yourpresentation.

Youbombed.Thecontentonyourslidesoverwhelmedthem.

Therewasn’tenoughengagementwithyourinterviewers.

Thepanelfelttheydidn’tgettoknowtherealyou.Justacorporateclonethatfailedtoconnectwiththem.

Theysensedwithin90secondsofyourstartthatyouweren’ttherightperson.Therestofyourpresentationdidnothingtochallengetheirinitialimpression.

Youweresmartinappearance.Professional,ifalittlewooden.Polite.Knowledgeableaboutthecompanyandwhattherolerequired.Butnothanks.Theyseedozensofpeoplewhoarelikethat.

Youdidn’tstandoutfromthecrowd.Youwere,I’mafraid,forgettable.

Youneededtostandout.

Youneededtograbtheirattentionimmediately.

Youneededtodeliverwithenergyandauthenticity.

Youdidn’t.

Bye-byedreamjob.Maybeitjustwasn’tmeanttobe.

Thedealis:

Whenyou’rebland,youblend.

Trustme,theabovescenariohappenseverysingledayaroundtheglobe.Thecontextmaybedifferent.Sotoomighttheprocess.Buttheoutcomeremainsthesame.Thepersonwiththestrengthsandexperiencelostoutduetotheirineffectivecommunicationskills.

Thequestionis:howcanyoumakesurethatpersonisn’tyou?

NowIrecognizeyoumightnothaveanimportantpresentationtomakeforajobinterview.Maybeyou’reacharityworkerhopingtoinfluencepeopletosupportyourcause.Perhapsyou’reamanagerseekingwaystoengageandmotivateyourstaff,orateacherortrainerwantingtomakeadifferencetopeople,whatevertheirage.Alternatively,youmightwanttoconvinceyourbosstotakeanewdirectioninrelationtoaparticularproject.Ormaybeyou’vebeenaskedtodeliverapresentationtoyourpeersataconference,oryourpassionforpoliticsmeansyouwanttopersuadeothersthatyourperspectiveisthebestwaytomakeadifferencetosociety.

Whateverthescenarioorsituation,here’sthesadreality:

Youmayhavetheexpertiseandexperience.

Thepassionandprofessionalism.

Thecompetenceandthecontacts.

Butyoucouldlackonecrucialthing.

Theabilitytocommunicateyourmessageinacompellingwaythatcausesyouraudiencetositup,takenoticeandlisten.

Here’sthedeal:

Yourabilitytoinfluenceothers,buildyourcareer,andachieveyourpersonalgoalsisdependentonhoweffectivelyyoucommunicateandengagewithpeople.

Recentlyacolleagueofminewasaskedtositonapanelthatwasresponsibleforawardinga£90,000researchgrantspreadoverthreeyears.Allapplicantswereaskedtopresenttheircaseforwhytheyshouldbeawardedthegrant.Ultimately,the£90,000wasgivennottothebestapplicantonpaper,buttothepersonwhomadethemostpersuasivepresentation.Thinkaboutthatforamoment.

Ninetythousandpounds.

That’salotofmoneytoloseoutonbecauseyouweren’teffectiveatcommunicatingyourmessage.

Trustme,thisstuffreallydoesmatter.Anditmatterstoyouandyourfuturesuccess.

Somakesureyouneverforgetthefollowing:

“Knowingthewordstoasongdoesn’tmakeyouagreatsinger.Neitherdoeshavingexpertiseinasubjectmakeyouagreatspeaker.”

Andhere’sbothaharshandsadfact.Somepeoplehavevaluesandviewsmanywouldfindoffensive.Buttheygetheard.Theygetnoticed.Notsimplybecauseofwhattheybelieve,butbecauseofhowwelltheycommunicatetheirmessage.Criminalsandpoliticianscanmanipulatemindsbecausethey’vedevelopedtheskillsofknowinghowtopersuadeothers.Yes,otherfactorsandskillsdocomeintoplay,butifthey’reunabletocommunicateeffectivelytheirinfluenceisweakened.Theirvoiceislesslikelytobeheard.

Sohowdoesthisspecificallyaffectyou?Well,potentiallyyoumissoutonpromotion,orthenewjob,orfailtosecuresomenewbusiness,andyoudosonotbecausetheotherpersonisbetterormoreknowledgeablethanyou.

Youloseoutbecausethey’vemasteredtheabilitytocommunicatemoreeffectivelyandpersuasivelythanyou.They’velearnttosellthemselvesortheirservicesinabetterwaythanyouhave.

That’stherealityfolks.

That’swhyIbelievedevelopingyourskillasacommunicatoriscrucial.Masterthisskillanditwillhelpgetyounoticed,getalongbetterwithothersandgetaheadinlife.Fact.

Yousee,theharshrealityisthatlifeisn’tfair.Wedon’tallstartonalevelplayingfield.Butthereissomegoodnews.Wherewefinishcanbeinfluencedbyarangeoffactors.Andoneofthosefactorsissimplythis:

Here’sthedeal:

“Goodpeoplewithagreatmessagearenotguaranteedacaptiveaudience.”

Yourabilitytocommunicateeffectivelywithothers.

Thousandsofpeopleknowthis.That’swhysomanypoliticiansandleadersfromallsectorswanttodeveloptheirskillsinthisarea,andarepreparedtoinvestaconsiderableamountoftimeandefforttodoso.I

guessyou’vedecidedtodothesame.

GettingthebestfromthisbookYou’vebeenprompted,forwhateverreason,toreadthisbook.Great.Butmakesurethisisnotapassiveperusalthroughthefollowingpages.

Iwantyoutoinvolveyourselfasweexploreawholehostofideasandinsights.How?Well,thinkofspecificsituationswhereyouwanttoraiseyourgameasacommunicator.Perhapsit’swithacustomer,acolleagueorevenoneofyourkids.Itcouldbespeakingtoalargeaudience,leadingameetingorsimplyaconversationwithoneotherperson.Whateverthecontext,whateverthesizeoftheaudience,lookforideasandinsightsthatwilltakeyourcommunicationtoanewlevel,andindoingsoincreaseyourinfluenceandimpact.

Oh,andhere’ssomethingtobeawareof.Theissueisnotwhetheryou’vecomeacrosssomeoftheseideasbefore.Neitherisitacaseoflabellingwhatyoureadas‘justcommonsense’.Thequestionis:‘sowhatareyoudoingwithit?’Ifyou’rereadingthisbooksimplytoacquiremoreknowledge,fine.Iwishyouwell.Peoplewhoaccumulatelotsofknowledgemightdowellinpubquizzes.Theycansoundimpressiveamongtheirfriends.ButIhopeyouwanttogainsomuchmore.Ihopeyouwanttoimproveasaperson,fulfilyourpotentialandlookbackonyourlifewithasenseofsatisfactionandnotregret.Trustme,theideasinthisbookwillhelpyou–yes,eventhesimple‘commonsense’ones.

However,here’sapointthat’sworthremembering:

Everythingisobviousinhindsight.Butitwillonlyseemobviousonceyou’vereadit.

Andhere’sanotherthing.Pleasedon’tseethisbookasaimedpurelyatstimulatingyourintellectandhelpingyoustockuponarangeofacademictheories.Ifthat’syouronlyaimwithreadingthisbook,thentrustme,you’llbedisappointed.Yousee,that’snotmystyle.Checkoutthesubtitleonthecover.

Thestraight-talkingguideThat’swhatthiswillbe.Aguidetohelpyougetbetterasacommunicator,howeverexperiencedorinexperiencedyoucurrentlyare.

HowIknowthisstuffworksHere’swhyIknowthisstuffworksandamconfidentitwillmakeadifferencetoyou.Ifyouuseit,thatis.

LetmetakeyoubacktoApril1989.Yes,Iknowit’spossibleyoumightnotevenhavebeenbornthen.

Me?Iwasoninvaliditybenefit(nowknownasincapacitybenefit).

WhenIcouldwalkIhadtouseawalkingstick.ButthemajorityofthetimeIwashousebound.I’dlostahigh-flyinggraduatejobwithalargemultinationalorganization.Thecauseofallthis?AnillnesscommonlyknownasChronicFatigueSyndrome,orME(MyalgicEncephalomyelitis).

Atthetime,eightoutoftendoctorsdidn’tbelieveitwasagenuineillness.Somestilldon’t.Myowndoctorwasoneofthem.Hisresponsetomyso-calledillness?HesentmetoseeapsychiatristinLiverpool.IfI’mhonest,Ifounditachallengingandhumblingexperience.

Iwasillfornearlythreeyears,butIgottoapositionwhereIfeltwellenoughtoworkparttime.However,mynextbigchallengewasthis.

Noonewouldhireme.

Icouldn’tpassamedical.

Sohere’swhatIdid.Ihiredmyself.

Iwasawesomeattheinterview.Standoutcandidate,infact.

Ithinkthetechnicaltermtodescribemyemploymentstatuswasself-employed.MyinternationalheadquartersdoubledasabedroominasmallhouseontheoutskirtsofWarrington.InmyfirstyearofbusinessIearnedtheprincelysumof£2,300.That’soverawholeyear.Mytaxbillwasfairlysmallthatyear.Infact,itwasnon-existent.

MyaccountantdumpedmeasIwaswastinghistime.

Butdespitethatratherlessthanauspiciousstart,thingsdidgraduallyimprove.Mytraininganddevelopmentbusinessgrew.Overtime,mybusinessevolvedintospeakingatconferencesandteamevents.Peoplestartedcallingmeamotivationalspeaker.(SomealsosaidIhadapassing

resemblancetoDustinHoffman–inhisyoungerdays,Ihope.)

Buttherewasachallenge.I’mnotacelebrity(exceptinmymum’seyes).I’veneverclimbedEverest,sailedroundtheworldsinglehandedly,walkedtotheNorthPole,overcomecancer,lostalimborwonagoldmedal.

I’mjustMrOrdinary–yetIhadtocompeteasaspeaker,notonlywithcelebritiesfromallfields,butwithdoctorsandprofessorsandmultimillionairebusinesspeople.WhereasI’mjustthatslightlybelowaverageheightguyfromManchesterwhobizarrelysupportsBradfordCityandWiganAthletic(it’salongstory)andwroteabookcalledSUMO(ShutUp,MoveOn).

ButdespitethatI’vedoneOK.I’vespokenaroundtheworld.FromBoltontoBali,RochdaletoReykjavik,andTodmordentoTehran,I’vespokentooveraquarterofamillionpeopleinfortycountriestodate.Somehavewillinglypaidtohearmespeak.Othersweresentbytheirbossandclearlywantedtobesomewhereelse.

SohowhaveImanagedtodevelopasuccessfulspeakingcareerwithsucharatherordinary,unspectacularbackground

Clearly,thesupportofothersiscrucial.AndI’mnotdenyingthatluckwillhaveplayedapart.Mybookshaveclearlyraisedmyprofile,butnottotheextentthatIcanbedescribedasbeingparticularlywellknown.I’mnot.Buthere’ssomethingIhavedone.I’veworkedincrediblyhardontwothings.

First,mymessage–whatI’mactuallygoingtosay.Forme,contentiscrucial.Second,IworkedhardathowI’mgoingtodeliverthatmessage.It’sbeenanobsessionattimes.Butit’sreapedsomerewards,andinthisbookI’mgoingtodrawlessuponacademictheoriesandmoreuponpracticalexperienceandreal-lifeexamplesthathaveworkedformeandcountlessothersinmyprofession.I’mgoingtoshareinsights,ideasandpracticaltoolsyoucanusetohelpyou.Andthegoodnewsisyoucanusethemimmediately.

Iappreciateyoumayhavenointentionofdevelopingacareerasamotivationalspeaker.That’sfine,althoughthere’salwaysroomformorepeoplewhowanttoinspireothers.Butyouaregoingtolearnfromsomeonewholiterallylivesordies(inabusinesssense)byhisabilitytospeakwell.Asyoureadatthestartofthischapter,wecanallspeak.But

here’sthehardpart.Gettingpeopletolisten.

Thegoodnewsisthathelpisonitsway,andIknowfromovertwenty-fiveyears’experiencethatwhatyou’reabouttoreadworks.

HowthethreeRswillhelpIntermsofwhatyou’lllearn,it’sworthreflectingonthethreeRs.

ThefirstRstandsforReinforced.Therewillbeideasyoucomeacrossthatyou’realreadyusing.Good.Yousee,AndyMurraystillpractiseshistennis.He’sconstantlyreinforcinghisskills.That’sagreatqualitytopossess,andit’salwaysworthwhilereinforcingwhatyoualreadyknow.

ThesecondRstandsforReminder.Someofwhatweexploreyoumayhavecomeacrossbefore,butit’ssomethingyouneedremindingof.It’snotsomethingyou’reusinginyourcommunication,eventhoughyou’vehearditbefore.Mygoalinremindingyouistoensurethatwhatyouknowtranslatesintoanactualchangeinhowyoucommunicatewithothers.

AndthethirdRstandsforReveal.Nomatterhowexperiencedyouare,Ibelievesomeofwhatyou’reabouttoexplorewillbenewtoyou.You’lldiscoversomefreshinsightsandideasyou’veneverconsideredbefore.

HowthebookiswrittenIntermsofmyapproachtowriting,Ithinkit’sfairtosaymystyleisinformal,hopefullyaccessible,andperhapsonsomerareoccasionsevenmildlyamusing.You’llcomeacrossquotesthatwilldrivehomemymessageinwhatisabriefandmemorableway,andattheendofeachchapterthereisasectioncalled‘MyOneThing’(MOT).Thisprovidesyouwithanopportunitytoidentifyoneactionorinsightyouintendtoapplyasaresultofreadingthatchapter.You’llalsoseesome‘PauseforThought’moments.Sometimesit’sgoodtoactuallystopreadingandtakesometimetoreflectonwhatyou’vejustreadandhowitappliestoyou.

Ialsotendtousethephrases‘presentations’and‘speaking’interchangeably.Ofcourse,thesewon’talwaysbethemostappropriatetermstouseinrelationtohowyou’recommunicating,buthopefullyyou’llforgivemeandtailortheterminologytoyourownparticularsituation.

I’vesplitthebookintothreemainsections.ThefirstlooksattheSevenGreatSinsofSpeaking,andisfollowedbyEightGreatWaystoSpeaksoPeopleReallyListen.Finally,IincludeashortsectioncalledI’mGladYouAskedThat,whichexploresthetopthreequestionsI’maskedaboutspeaking.

Bythetimewefinish,you’llhaveatoolkitofideasandactionsyoucanuse.Somewillbemorerelevantandusedmoreregularlythanothers.That’stobeexpected.Communicationisavasttopicandisplayedoutinavarietyofcontextsandsettings,bothinandoutsideoftheworkplace.Usewhatisappropriateforyoursituationbutbeawareoftherest–youneverknowwhenyoumightneedthem.

Right,Ithinkwe’reready.

Solet’sbeginourjourneytogetherandstartwithsomeofthemostcommonmistakescommunicatorsmakewhenpresentingtheirmessage.Iwonderhowmanyyou’vesometimesbeenguiltyofandhaveperhapswitnessedothersdoing?Let’sfindout.

PART1:

Vickywasexcited.Imeanextremelyexcited.Afriendofhershadarrangedanopportunityforhertoattendtheircompanystaffconference,whereaformerOlympicathletewouldbespeaking.Theorganizationwas

investingaconsiderablesumofmoneyforthiscelebritytoaddressover300staff.

Aweekaftertheevent,VickyandImetup.Asaprofessionalspeakermyself,Iwaskeentohearabouttheimpactthecelebrityhadmadeandthewayshismessagewouldhelphisaudience.

‘SowhatwashelikeVicky?’

Vickyappearedstarry-eyedassherecalledtheevent.

‘Hewasgorgeous.Allthewomeninstantlyfellinlovewithhim.Infact,someoftheguysprobablydidtoo.’

‘Interesting,’Ireplied.‘Butwhatwouldyousayyoutookawayfromhismessage?’

‘Well,’continuedVicky,clearlyexcitedassherelivedtheexperience,‘ifyouwerepatientyoucouldwaitaroundattheendandhaveyourphotographtakenwithhimandhisOlympicmedal.’

‘That’sbrilliantVicky,butcanIaskyouthis:whatwasyourkeytakeawayfromhispresentation?’

Vickypausedbeforefinallyreplying:‘That’satoughone.Ican’trememberexactly,butIknowhewasreallygood.’

Itgotmethinking.Howoftendowehearamessagebutveryquicklyforgetit?Sometimesthatmightbeacceptableifthespeaker’smessagewasmeantsolelytoentertain.Butwhatifitisn’t?Whatifyouhaveanimportantmessagetocommunicatethatyouneedpeopletoremember?

Theproblemiswe’reoftensobusyfocusingonwhatwe’regoingtosaythatwedon’ttaketimetothinkabouthowtosayitinawaythatpeoplewillremember.

Thechallengeyoufaceasacommunicatorisnotthattheattentionspanofyouraudienceisnecessarilyshort–it’sthattheirattentionisconstantlybeingbombardedbymessagesanddistractionsscreaming‘listentome,noticeme’.Believingthatsayingsomethingonceinapotentiallyunengagingwayisgoingtoberememberedbypeopleis,I’mafraid,areflectionofeithernaivetyorarrogance,orperhapsevenacombinationofboth.

Advertisersknowtheyneedtogetyourattentionandthencommunicate

theirmessageinawaythatismemorable.Afterall,what’sthepointofanorganizationinvestinginadvertisingifyouthencan’trememberthepointoftheirmessage?Theyknowthatgettingyourattentionisjustthestart.Theythenneedyoutoremembertheirmessage.

That’scrucialforustorememberascommunicators.

Everheardthephrase‘peoplewon’trememberwhatyousaid,buttheywillrememberhowyoumadethemfeel’?Personally,Ithinkthatcouldbeacopout.Howaboutwhenwecommunicatewithpeople,ouraimisthatthey’llrememberhowwemadethemfeelANDwhatwesaid?

Here’sthedeal:

WeneedtolearnhowtocoverourmessageinVelcro,ratherthancoatitwithTeflon.

MakinghismessagestickyandmemorablewasapriorityforSteveJobs.That’swhy,whenhewantedyoutoremembersomething,he’drepeatitoverandover.Why?Becauserepetitionaidsretention.I’llsaythatagain–repetitionaidsretention.Hewasn’tbotheredifpeoplesaid‘Steve,youmentionedthatearlier’.Heknewthat.Butheintuitivelyknewthefollowing:

Yourmessageneedstostickifit’sgoingtobeahit.

Repetitionisonewaytodothat.We’llbeexploringlotsmorewaysthroughoutthebook,butletmeshareoneapproachI’veusedtomakemymessagestickyandmemorable–usingvisualandquirkylanguage.Andthereason?Welltherealityis,themorepeoplehearoverusedandoverfamiliarphrases,themorethosewordswillovertime,figurativelyspeaking,‘goinoneearandouttheother’.

So,forexample,inmybookSUMO(ShutUp,MoveOn)IexploreanumberofSUMOprinciples.Here’swhattheycouldbecalledifIexpressedtheminamorefamiliarway:

1. Takeresponsibility.

2. Haveapositiveattitude.

3. Setgoals.

However,thelanguageIusetodescribeeachprincipleisphrasedinaless-familiarway:

1. ChangeyourT-shirt.

2. Developfruitythinking.

3. DitchDorisDay.

Here’sthedeal:

Theunfamiliargetsourattention.Andthroughrepetitionitalsogetsremembered.

Here’sanotherwayI’veusedtheabovestrategytogetremembered.

MynameisPaulMcGee.Ithinkyou’dagreethere’snothingparticularlymemorableaboutthatname.Myappearancesinthemediaareoccasionalatbestand,comparedtomanypeopleoperatingintheworldofmotivationalspeaking,mylifestoryisrathertame.

Butmybrandname–‘TheSUMOGuy’–getsmeremembered.Itgetspeople’sattention.Itimmediatelyconjuresupavisualimageandcreatesinterest.Agree?TherealityisIdon’twearasumooutfitorprancearoundonstagedressedinanoversizedthong.Whichmightdisappointsome,butprobablycomesasarelieftomany.Eitherway,mybrandnameismemorable.

Then,explainingthatSUMOisanacronymwhichcanstandforShutUp,MoveOn(orsometimesStop,Understand,MoveOn)alsogetsmeremembered.It’sshortandsimple(wordsthathaveoftenbeenusedtodescribeme,infact).Butbecauseit’sshortandsimple,andalsodifferentandmemorable,itsticksinpeople’sminds.

Nowrelax.I’mnotsuggestingyouhavetocomeupwithsomeweirdorwackywaytocommunicateyourmessage.I’vesimplysharedastrategythatworksforme.You’regoingtobelearningmanymore,butalthoughthecontextinwhichyouspeakislikelytobevastlydifferenttomine,youmightwanttostartthinkingabouthowyoucoulduseless-familiarlanguagetoexpressafamiliaridea.

ThepointIwanttostressisthis:

Havingagreatmessageisonething.Gettingitrememberedisanotherentirely.

PauseforThought

Thinkaboutthewaysyoucommunicateyourmessagestoothers.Couldyourapproacheverbedescribedasboringorbland?Doyousaythingsthewayyou’vealwayssaidthem?Ifnot,great;butifyoudo,thenperhapsit’stimetofreshenupyourstyle.Lookforideas,especiallyinthesecondsectionofthebook,toseehowyoucanmakeyourmessagemorestickyandmemorable–trustme,there’llbeloads.Infactyou’vebeengiventwoalready.First,repetition–bepreparedtorepeatyourmessageindifferentways.Second,useless-familiarlanguage–languagethatgetspeople’sattentionandcausesthemtowanttoknowmore.

OneThingMyOneThingIfyouweretofocusononeoftheideaswe’vebrieflyexploredtomakeyourmessagemorestickyandmemorable,whichwoulditbe?

1. Usingrepetitionmore.

2. Usingless-familiarlanguagetocommunicateafamiliaridea.

Thereareoccasionswhenourcommunicationchallengesareduetosomethingbeinglostintranslation.Ithappens.Buthere’sanother

reason.Sometimesourmessageislostininformation.Inotherwords,we’vecommunicatedsomuchdetailthatit’shardforpeopletograspeverything,nevermindrememberit.

Drowningpeopleindetailresultsinusoverloadingouraudience’sbrains.Whenthathappensyou’veliterallyburiedthetreasurewithinyourmessageinanoceanofcontent,andyourkeypointislostatsea.Whenthishappens,peoplecanfeelmentallyexhaustedandaMexicanwaveofyawningcanquicklyspreadacrosstheroom.

Admitit.You’vebeeninsuchmeetings,haven’tyou?Icertainlyhave.

Afewyearsago,IwasattendingaconferenceinOrlando,Florida.Onespeakerhadbeengivenatwenty-minuteslottotalkaboutleadership.Itjustsohappenedthathe’dwrittenabookcalledTheTwelveLawsofLeadership.Isatbackinanticipation.

Nowtwentyminutesisareasonableamountoftime–butnotnecessarilyenoughtimetocoveralltwelveofhisleadershiplawsindepth.Butthat’swhatheattemptedtodoanyway.Itbecameasengagingaslisteningtoalonglistofdifferentsizescrewsbeingreadoutfromabuilder’scatalogue–particularlytowardstheendofthetalkwhenherealizedhewasrunningoutoftime.

Andhere’sthething.Ofallthosetwelvelawshespokeabout,guesshowmanyIremember?None.Seriously,Icannotrememberasingleone.Quitesimply,mybrainhadbeenoverwhelmedwithcontentthathadbeencrammedintothetwenty-minutetimeslot,andthespeakerhadmadenoattempttomakewhathesaideitherstickyormemorable.

Afarmoreeffectiveapproachwouldhavebeenifhe’dsaid:‘IwroteabookcalledTheTwelveLawsofLeadershipandinthetimewehavetogethertodayI’dliketoexplorethreeofthem.’Now,notonlywouldthechancesofmeretainingwhathe’dsaidhaveincreaseddramatically,Imightalsohavebeentemptedtobuyhisbooktodiscoverwhattheotherninewere.

Nowthisnextpointiscrucial.Ascommunicators,it’svitalweembracethefollowingadvice.

Saymoreaboutless.

Don’tgetmewrong–detailisimportant.I’mnotsuggestingwesimplifyourcontenttothepointwhereithaslittlemeaningorimpact.People

won’trespondtovagueplatitudesthatcontainfewornofacts.Theproblemisn’tthatweshouldn’tincludedetail.Theproblemisweshouldn’toverwhelmpeoplewithit.

Here’sthereality:

Apresentationthatcoverseverythingusuallyachievesnothing.

Thequestionyouhavetoask(andwe’llexplorethisinmoredetaillater)is:howmuchinformationandwhatlevelofdetaildoesthisparticularaudiencerequire?Ifyouworkinfinanceandneedtoupdateyourbossonthecurrentfinancialsituationofthecompany,you’relikelytogointomoredetailthanifyouwerespeakingtoagroupofnon-financepeoplewhoworkatthecompany.

Here’sthedeal:

Ifyouwanttospeaksopeoplereallylisten,thenyouneedtoditchtheone-size-fits-allapproachtoyourcommunication.

Here’sanexampleofsomeonewhowasobsessedwithhowhecommunicatedhismessageandgotclosetoslippingintothetrapofdrowninghisaudienceindetail.

KenSegall,inhisbookInsanelySimple,recallshisroleasamarketingexecutiveworkingwithApplecomputers.ThemarketingteamwasreviewingthecontentforanadvertfortheiMac.Herewasthechallenge.TheadverttobeshownonTVwasforthirtyseconds,andSteveJobsfelttherewerefourorfivereallyimportantmessagesthatneededtobecommunicated.

Themarketingagencyteam,whichincludedSegall,disagreed.Theirconcernwasthatiftheycoveredtoomanypointstheaudiencewouldn’trememberanyofthem.

Jobswasnotbudging.

ButthenLeeClow,oneoftheagencyteam,didsomethingthatgotJobs’sattentionandpowerfullymadehispoint.Hetoreupfivepiecesofpaperandcrumpledthemupintofiveballs.HethenthrewoneoftheballsofpapertoSteveJobs.Jobscaughtitandthrewitback.ThenClowthrewallfiveballsofpapertoJobsatonce.Jobsdidn’tcatchasingleoneofthem.

LeeClow’spointwassimple.Themorethingsyouaskpeopletofocuson,

thefewerthey’llremember.Jobsgotthepointandagreedtoamuchsimpleradvertthanoriginallyplanned.

Here’sthedeal:

Whenyousaytoomuchyou’llachieveverylittle.

Here’ssomethingweoftenforgetwhenwe’recommunicatingwithothers.

Ourbiologydoesn’thelpus.

Confused?Letmeexplain.

Thebraincantireeasily.Listeningishardwork.Soistryingtograspandretainalotofinformation.Itcanliterallywearthebrainout.Braincellsuseuproughlytwiceasmuchenergyasanyothercellsinthebody.Itmightnotweighmuch,butincomparisonwiththerestofyourbodyyourbraintakesalotofenergytooperate.Giveittoomuchinformationthat’sdifficulttounderstandandyou’releftwiththefollowingissue:

Complexitycausescomas.Toomuchinformationliterallysendspeopletosleep.

So,nexttimeyou’rerunningateammeeting,teachingalesson,makingapresentationorhavingaconversation,rememberthis.

“YourcommunicationwilloftenbenefitfromtheSLIMapproach.SayLess,ImpactMore.”

Andifyouknowthatyoudohavealotofinformationtocover,don’ttryanddosoinonecontinuoussitting.Agoodmealisenjoyedbecausetherearesomenaturalbreaksbetweenstarter,maincourseanddessert.Andabrainbreakisasimportantasabellybreak.

Amealcanberuinedifpeoplearestuffedwithtoomuchfood–thesamegoesforyourcommunication.So,givepeopletimetodigestwhatyou’vesaidratherthanstuffingmorecontentdowntheirthroats.Ifyoudon’t,youmightnotliterallymakethemsick,buttheycouldbecomesickofhearingyouspeak.

Harsh?Maybe.ButI’vesatintoomanymeetingswhere,farfrombeingengaged,peoplelooklikethey’regivingupthewilltolive.Yousee,themarkofagreatcommunicatorisoftendeterminedbywhattheydon’t

say.Theyrecognizetheirfascinationfordetailmightnotbesharedbyeveryone,andthattalkingtoomuchmightbefeedingtheiregobutdoingverylittletoservetheiraudience.Increasingyourwordcountdoesn’tmeanyou’llappearmoreintelligentonyoursubject.Itinvariablymeansyou’llappearmoreboringandverbose.

Remember:youraimistospeaksopeoplereallylisten,nottospeaksoyousoundreallyimpressive.

PauseforThought

Isthisasinyou’resometimesguiltyofcommitting?Ifso,relax,becausehelpisathand.Therearesomekeychaptersinthesecondsectionofthebookthatyou’llfindreallyhelpful–notonlyinatoningforthissin,butalsohelpingyoutoavoidcommittingitinfuture.

Makesureyoupayparticularattentiontothechapters‘Startattheend’and‘Sortoutyourskeletons’,whereyou’llfindgreatadvicethatwillhelpclarifyandcrystallizeyourmessage,andstructureitinaclearandconciseway.You’llalsofindexploringournextgreatsinofspeakingreallyhelpfulindeterminingjusthowmuchdetailpeoplerequirewhenyouspeak.

MyOneThingRememberthiscrucialpoint.

Ifyouwanttocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact:

remembertheSLIMapproach.SayLess,ImpactMore.

It’sacommontrap.Aregularmistake.Tosomeextentyoumightnotevenseethisasabigdeal.Trustme,itis.

Theproblem?Wefocussomuchonwhatwe’regoingtosaythatweforgettofocusonwhowe’resayingitto.

Yousee,it’spossibletodeliveragreattalkinagreatway–buttothewrongaudience.Ifyou’regoingtomakeanimpactithastoberelevant.

Here’sthedeal:

Ifyoudon’ttailoryourmessage,you’llfailwithyourmessage.

Notknowingwhereyouraudienceisatandwhattheirneedsareislikethrowingafireextinguishertoadrowningmanandhopingitwillhelp.

Now,clearlyit’svitallyimportanttoconsiderwhatyou’regoingtosay,butequallyimportantrememberyou’respeakingtopeople,notintoavacuum.So,themoreyoucandiscoveraboutyouraudienceintermsoftheirneeds,theirprioritiesandtheirconcerns,themoreyouareabletotailoryourmessagetothem.

I’vehadoneortwochallengingclientsovertheyears.Theonewhoaskedmenottousehumourinmytalkwasparticularlydifficult.That’stheequivalentofaskingmetostopwatchingfootballoravoideatingchunkychipswithmayonnaise.It’sjustnotgoingtohappen.

Butmymostchallengingcustomersareusuallythosewho,whenIcalltodiscusstheeventI’mspeakingat,briefmeinoneoftwoways.Theyeither:

1. GivemesuchconvolutedandcomplexanswerstomyquestionsthattheymightaswellbespeakinginSwahili(andtrustme,mygraspofSwahiliisalmostasbadasmyDIYskills).

2. GivesuchvagueanswersthatImightaswellbehavingthetheoryofquantumphysicsexplainedtomebyatwo-year-old.

Theexperiencemightbepleasantenough,butI’mstillnonethewiseronthesubject.Thefactis,thelessIknoworunderstandaboutmyaudience,themoredifficultitistotargetortailormymessage.

So,inaworldthat’sfullofselfiesandself-obsessionit’simportanttorealizethis:ifyouwanttocommunicatesuccessfullywithothers,whetherthat’stoanaudienceofoneormany,rememberthis.

It’saboutthem.Notyou.

Ifallyoudoisfocusonyourmessagewithouteventhinkingaboutwho

you’regoingtosayitto,you’vedramaticallydecreasedyourabilitytoinfluenceyouraudience.Yourpreparationshouldstartwith‘WhoamItalkingto?’beforeyou’veclarifiedwhatyou’regoingtosay.

Thatmeansbeforeyouspeakyoumightstartbydoingsomelistening.Listentocolleagues,customersandanyonewhocanhelpyouunderstandmoreaboutyouraudience.And,trustme,listeningisnotanaturalgiftthatweallpossess.It’sactuallyaskilltobedeveloped,andyouonlygetgoodatitthroughpractice.

NowwhenIsay‘listen’,thatdoesn’tmeanneversayinganything.Astuffedparrotdoesn’tspeak.Butit’snotagreatlistener.Sosilenceisn’talwaysgolden.Infact,itcouldmeanyou’veswitchedoff,oraresimplywaitingforyourturntotalk.

So,ifyouwanttolistenwellandunderstandmoreaboutyouraudience,thenaskquestions.Askquestionsthathelpuncovertheirissuessothatyoucanthenspeaktotheirsituation,ratherthanintoavoid.Evenifyouknowyouraudiencewell,stillthinkaboutthefollowing.

Usefulquestionswouldinclude:

What’sgoingoninyourworldatthemoment?

What’simportanttoyourightnow?

Whatwouldyousayareyourthreebiggestchallengesatthistime?

What’sgoingwellinyourworld?

Whatknowledgedoyoualreadyhaveonmytopic?(Thisiscrucial.Ifyouoversimplify,youlosecredibilityandappearpatronizing.)

IftherewasonethingIcoulddotohelpyourightnow,whatwoulditbe?

Nowbeforeyousay‘Wellthey’refairlyobviousquestions’,askyourselfthis.Howoftendoyouaskthem,oratleastconsiderthem?

Clearly,ifyou’respeakingtoalargeaudienceyoucan’taskeveryonethesequestions,butyoumightbeabletoaskoneortwopeople.Andinaworstcasescenariowhereyou’renotabletotalkwithanyonebeforehand,youcanstillmakeaneducatedguessabouttheanswerstosomeofthosequestions.

Simplyaskingyourself‘IfIwasintheirshoes,whatwouldsomeofmy

issuesbelikelytobe?’willinfluencehowyoutailoryourmessage.Knowingyouraudiencealsomeansyou’reabletodecideifyoucanusejargoninyourtalk.Ifthey’reatechyaudience,theyprobablywantyouto‘talknerdytome’.Butnoteveryaudiencewill.That’swhyyouneedtoreflectonthesequestions.

Andrememberthis.Peoplecareaboutthemselves.Theycareabouttheirworld,theirlivesandthepeopleclosesttothem.That’snotselfish.It’sreality.Sothemoreyoucanunderstandtheirworldandconsidertheirneeds,theeasieritwillbetoconnectwiththem.Andthemorelikelytheyaretolistentoyou.AndImeanreallylisten.Why?Becauseyou’rerelevant.You’rescratchingwherethey’reitching.

PauseforThought

Howmuchdoyouconsideryouraudienceandseektounderstandtheirneedsbeforeyoucommunicatewiththem?Reflectonthesixpreviousquestions.Whichtwowouldbemosthelpfultoreflecton?Iftherewasanotherquestionworthaddingtothelist,whatwoulditbe?

MyOneThingWanttospeakwithinfluenceandimpact?Knowyouraudience,notjustyourmessage.

I’mnotamindreader(althoughIthinkmywifewishesIwas).Andit’shighlyunlikelythatI’vemetsomeofthepeopleyouspeakto.Butthere’ssomethingI’mfairlyconfidentpredicting.Whenyoustand(orevensit)todeliveratalk,giveapresentation,teachalessonorleadameeting,there

aresomequestionsyouraudienceareaskingthemselvesatasubconsciouslevel:

WhyshouldIcare?

Whyisthisimportant?

Howdoesthisaffectme?

Andtherealityis,sometimeswefailtospellouttheanswertothosequestions,andthenwonderwhywe’vefailedtoengageouraudienceormaketheimpactwewereintending.

OK,sometimeswe’recommunicatinginamoresocialsetting.Perhapseventalkingabouttrivialmatterswithfriends.Butthat’snotthecontextI’mreferringtohere.NeitheramIsuggestingthatwhenyouspeak,thosequestionsarerightattheforefrontofeveryone’sminds.Buttrustme,they’reatthebackoftheirminds.That’strueforallofus.Andifyou’renotaddressingthoseunspokenquestionsdirectlyorindirectly,people’sattentioncanstarttodriftelsewhere.Andtheconsequence?Quitesimply,youfailtoconnectwithyouraudience.

Yousee,whetheryoulikeitornot,we’reallinsales.Forsomeofyouthat’sanobviousstatementtomake.Forothers,perhapslessso.However,therewillbetimeswhenwehavetosellourselvesandourideastootherpeople.Thinkaboutit–onaday-to-daybasisyou’reprobablyhavingtoinfluencepeoplethatcanrangefromyourcustomersandcolleagues,rightthroughtoyourfriendsandfamily.(Andifyouhavechildren,you’llknowhowmuchyouneedtoinfluenceandpersuadethem–althoughyoumaymorecommonlyrefertoitasbeggingandbribery.)

Butbecauseweoftendon’tseeourselvesassellingamessage,wefallintothetrapoffocusingonthefeaturesratherthanthebenefitsofwhatwe’resaying.

Here’sanexampleofhowIfellintothattrap.Iwastalkingtothemanagingdirectorofacompanywhowasinterestedinhiringme.Oneofherstaffhadheardmespeakand–fortunatelyforme–wentbacktoworkwithravereviews,andthemanagingdirectorwaskeentoknowmore.

‘Sowhatdoyoutalkabout?’sheasked.Here’swhatIrespondedwith:

‘Well,ItalkaboutaformulacalledE+R=O.It’snottheEvent,it’s

howweRespondthatinfluencestheOutcome.Ialsotalkabouttheneedtoovercomefaultythinkinganddevelopfruitythinking.Idothisbylookingatsevenquestions,whichinclude“Whereisthisissueonascaleof1–10…Where10equalsdeath?”AndIalsotalkaboutaSUMOprinciplecalledRemembertheBeachball.Thisiswheretwopeoplearelookingatthesamething,i.e.thebeachball,butIseethreedifferentcolourstotheonesyousee.Iseeblue,whiteandgreen,whileyou’reseeingred,yellowandorange.’

Themanagingdirectorsaidthey’dthinkaboutwhatI’doutlinedandwouldbeintouch.

Ineverheardfromthemagain.

TheproblemwasthatnotonlywasIdrowningthemindetail,butthedetailitselfwasnotparticularlyengaging.WhatwasIdoing?TalkingaboutthefeaturesofmySUMOmessageratherthanthebenefits.

However,ifI’dsoldthebenefitsofmymessageratherthanjustthefeatures,Imightwellhaveincludedthefollowing:

‘Mymaterialexplorestheimportanceofpeopletakingresponsibilityfortheiractions.Peoplewhofeelmoreempoweredandresponsiblearefarmorelikelytobeengagedintheirwork.Yourstaffwilllearnhowtheycannotalwaysinfluencetheeventsthathappentothem,buttheycanfocusontheirresponse.Thatmeanswhenchallengesandchangescome,peopledon’thavetopassivelyacceptthattheiroutcomeswillbenegative,butbytakingownershipoftheirresponsetheycancreatebetteroutcomes.Thiscanleadtoincreasedjobsatisfactionandcanhelpovercomeavictimmentality,whichcanoftendevelopparticularlyinchallengingtimes.’

Doyouseethedifference?

NowI’mtalkingaboutthebenefitsofmySUMOmaterial.Likewise,Icanhighlighttheimportanceofreducingconflict,savingtimeandimprovingcommunicationbytalkingaboutmy‘RemembertheBeachball’principle.Thebeachballisjustametaphor.It’snotthebenefit.However,byexplainingthemetaphorinsuchaclearandvisualway,Icanthenhelppeopleappreciatethebenefitsbothtothemandothersinunderstandingwhypeoplehavedifferentperspectives.BytalkingaboutthebenefitsIaminfactansweringthequestions‘WhyshouldIcare?’and‘Whyisthis

important?’

Here’sanexampleofwheresellingthebenefitscancausepeopletotakeactionwhenpreviouslytheydidn’t.

AparkintheUSusedtohaveasign:

‘Clearupafteryourdog.’

Somepeoplesimplyignoredthesign.Afterall,‘WhyshouldIcareifthere’sabitofdogpoolyingaroundtheplace?’Butthenthreeextrawordswereaddedtothesign.Thedogownersweregivenacompellingreasonwhytheyshouldcleanupaftertheirdog.Thenewsignsimplyread:

‘Cleanupafteryourdog.

Childrenplayhere.’

Andguesswhat?Nomoredogpoo.Highlightingthebenefitofcleaninguptheirdogs’poochangedthedogowners’behaviour.Theynowsawaclearreasontodoso.

Here’sthedeal:

Peopleneedtounderstandthewhy-inbeforeyoucangettheirbuy-in.

Now,beawarethatyoumightclearlyseethebenefitandimpactofyourmessage,butyouraudiencemightnot.That’snotbecausethey’redumbandignorant,butperhapsthey’veneverhadtothinkaboutwhatyou’vesaidbefore.Remember:peoplearenotmindreaders.Don’tassumetheyautomaticallyseethebenefitsofwhatyou’rediscussing–yousometimeshavetospellitout.Andthatcouldbeassimpleassaying‘whatthatmeansforyouis…’.

Letmefinishwithanotherexamplewherehighlightingwhypeopleshouldcareresultsingreaterengagement.

Climatechangewasnothighonpeople’sagendasfifteenyearsago,andsimplybeingtoldaboutthefeaturesofglobalwarmingthroughaseriesofgraphsandchartswasnotenoughtogetpeople’sattention.Ithadtobespeltoutwhypeopleshouldcare.Mostpeoplenowrealizethattalkingaboutglobalwarmingisnotjustfortheirbenefit,butforthebenefitoftheirchildrenandtheirchildren’schildren.

It’samessagethatappealslesstoourimmediateself-interest,butmoretoourmoralvalues.Inmanyways,peoplearebeingchallengedtoconsiderthis–doyouwanttobepartofagenerationwho,duetogreedandanunwillingnesstofaceuptotheproblem,screweditupforfuturegenerations?Inthisexample,theissueislessaboutabenefittogain,butaboutacosttoavoidbytheactionswetake.Butit’sstillsellingamessage,notjustsimplytalkingaboutthefeaturesoftheissue.

PauseforThought

So,howeffectivedoyouthinkyouareinhighlightingthebenefitsofwhatyou’vegottosay?Doyougetsocaughtupintalkingaboutthefeaturesthatthebenefitsarelost?Couldwhatseemscleartoyoubelessobvioustoyouraudience?

Andifwhatyouhavetocommunicateischallengingordifficultnews(suchashavingtomakecutbacksorenforceredundancies),haveyouhighlightedtheconsequencesofdoingnothing?Remember,sometimesthebenefitmayneedtobeframedmoreasacosttoavoid–forexample,ifwedon’tmakecutbacks,potentiallyeveryone’sjobisindanger.Eitherway,ifyou’regoingtocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact,youmuststarttalkingmoreaboutbenefitsandnotsolelyaboutthefeatures.

MyOneThingImaginethatwhenyou’respeakingyouraudienceisholdingasignwhichsimplysaysthis:

‘WHYSHOULDICARE?’

Sometimeago,IwroteabookcalledSelf-Confidence.I’mconvincedalackofconfidencecanseriouslyundermineourabilitytoachievesuccessinlifeandresultinusnotfulfillingourpotential.Somynextpointmay

surpriseyou.

Toomuchconfidencecanbedangerous.Itcanleadtothatoftenoverlookedderailertosuccess.Complacency.

Thesinof‘wingingit’israrely,ifever,committedbynervouspeoplewhoareinexperiencedinspeakingandwhoaresufferingfromaheavydoseofself-doubt.No.Wingingitisfarmorelikelytobeamistakemadebyrelativelyexperiencedandgenerallyconfidentpeople.

Thephrase‘wingingit’actuallycomesfromtheworldofacting,andreferstoanactorwhohasnotlearntthescriptandsoreliesonpromptsfromthewingstohelpthemdelivertheirlines.

Wingingitintermsofspeakingrelatestolittleplanningorpreparationintermsofwhatyou’regoingtosay.Previousexperienceandconfidencecanlureyouintoapotentiallyfalsesenseofsecurity.And,let’sbehonest.Ifyouareexperienced,delivertalksregularlyandknowyoursubjectwell,thenyoucanperhapsgetbywithlittleplanningandpreparation.Youcanrelyonyourpreviouspreparationfromthepasttohelpyoudealwiththepresent.Sowhybotherpreparinganymore?

Wellthat’sanunderstandablepoint.Idon’tdisagree.Entirely.Butifthat’safairdescriptionofyou,I’dlikeyoutoreflectonthefollowing:

Theenemyofexcellenceisnotmediocrity.

Theenemyofexcellenceisbeingfairlygood.

Yousee,ifyouconsideryourselftobejustmediocre(i.e.averageatbest)whenspeakingtoothers,thenthere’sclearlyroomforimprovement.

Butifyou’refairlygoodatspeaking(i.e.aboveaverage,certainlyincomparisonwithotherpeopleyouknow),thenthetemptationistoask:whyworkatgettingevenbetter?’

Whybotherwithanymorepreparationorplanning?You’refairlygood.AndI’mnotsuggestingyouaren’t.Butthat’stheproblem.Whenthat’sthecaseyou’relesslikelytotakethesmallbutimportantstepstomovefrombeing‘fairlygood’toexcellent.

Hey,ifyou’remediocreit’sobviousyouneedtoimprove.Youknowwithoutplanningandpreparationthiscouldbecomenotjustapainfulexperience,butalsopotentiallyhumiliatingaswell.So,toavoidthat

possiblescenario,youmakesureyouplan,prepareandpractise.Nooneisevergoingtoaccuseyouofwingingit.

Here’sthedeal:

Ifyoucare,youprepare.

Now,ifyou’regivingapresentationyou’vedonecountlesstimesbefore,I’mnotsuggestingyoulockyourselfawayforthreedaysinanattempttoavoidbeingaccusedofwingingit.

ButIamsuggestingthis:

Thefirsttimeyouthinkaboutwhatyou’regoingtosayshouldn’tbethreesecondsbeforeyousayit.

Eventakingtwominutestocomposeyourselfandthinkaboutyouraudienceandwhywhatyou’regoingtosaywillberelevanttothemcouldbehelpful.

Ofcourseyoucouldsettleforbeing‘fairlygood’–butwouldn’titbefarmorefulfillingifyouthoughtaboutwhatyoucoulddotomoveclosertoexcellence?Thinkabouthowthatmightincreaseyourinfluenceandcreateevenmoreimpactonothers.

Thetruthis,itmightnotrequirelotsmorework,butitwillrequiresomework.AndalthoughIappreciatealackoftimeisoftenusedasthereasonforwingingit,therealityisthatmosttalkswouldbenefitfromevenfiveminutesmorepreparationtime.That’snottoomuchtoask,isit?

Now,ifyourecognizeyouhaveatendencytowingit,I’vegotsomegoodnews.First,byreadingthisbook(thisfar,anyway)you’reindicatingawillingnesstoimproveyourskills.Second,thenextsectionofthisbookispackedfulloftools,tipsandtechniquestohelpyoumovetothenextlevel.Andifyouconsideryourselfmediocreintermsofhowyoucommunicatewithothers,thenyourhonestywillberewarded.Perhapsyournext‘realistic’goalistobecome‘fairlygood’.Ifthat’sthecase,great,becauseyouwillalsodiscoverwhatyouneedtohelpyouonyourjourney.

Soremember:complacencycanbeakiller.Itsimpactovertimeissubtlebutstilltangible.Sometimesyouhavetowingit,becauseyou’rethrowninthedeependatshortnotice.Butthoseoccasionsaretheexception.

Neverforgetthefollowing:

Youinsultyouraudiencewhenyoutaketheirtimeforgrantedandpitchupwithlittleornopreparation.

PauseforThought

So,iswingingitsomethingyoucanrelateto?Ifso,forwhatreasons?Complacency?Lackoftime?Ornotseeingyourcommunicationwithothersasaprioritycomparedtootheraspectsofyourrole?

Whatdoyouthinkwillbetheconsequencestoyouandothersifyoucontinuewiththisapproach?Perhapstheanswertothatlastquestionwilldeterminehowmuchyouengagewiththerestofthisbook.Isincerelyhopeyoudorecognizetheimpactandbenefitofmovingfromfairlygoodtoexcellent.Notjustforyou.

Butalsoforyouraudience.

MyOneThingBewarethedangersofcomplacencycreepinguponyou.Stayontopofyourgameinordertoraiseyourgame.

Whenitcomestoaddingimpacttoourmessage,slidescanmakearealdifference.Butwe’veallexperiencedthefollowing,haven’twe?Infact,

millionsofpeoplearoundtheworldareexperiencingitrightnow.It’snotdeathbyPowerPoint–thatwouldbeamercifulreliefinmanycases.No.It’smoreslow,drawn-outtorturebyPowerPoint.

AsmyfriendandfellowspeakerSteveMcDermottsays:‘Mostpeopledon’tusePowerPoint.Theyabuseit.’

I’vesatthroughhundredsofpresentationsatstaffconferences,deliveredbypeoplewithintheorganization.Onoccasion,I’mcompletelycaptivatedbythespeakersbeforeme.Engaging,interesting,relevant…I’mactuallyleftthinking,asthepaidprofessionalspeaker,thatIneedtoraisemygame.

Butonotheroccasionsit’saverydifferentstory.

It’snotthatIneedtoraisemygame.SometimesIneedtoraisethedead.

Ijustdon’tgetit,doyou?Whatisitaboutrational,intelligentpeoplewhosuddenlydisposeofcommonsensewhenitcomestousingslides?Somepeoplefailtorealizethatthey’remakingapresentation–notreadingascriptouttous.Infact,ifalltheydoisreadoutalistofbulletpoints(andremember,bulletscankill),thenwhyaretheyevennecessary?Howabouttheysaveusallalotoftimeandeffortandsimplyemailtheslidesovertous?Ifwehaveanyquestionswecanalwayscontactthem.

Whenitcomestoslides,weneedtorescuecommonsensefromtherubbishbinandstartapplyinglargedosesofittohowweproduceourslides.Imean,comeon,howmanyaudiencemembershavesaideitherofthefollowing:

‘Iwishthefontyouusedwassmaller.’

‘Iwishthey’dcrammedevenmorecontentontotheslide.Suchawasteofwhitespaceotherwise.’

Trustme,noone,andImeannoone,eversaideither.Yetmanypresentersuseslideswhereyou’dthinksmallfontandcrammedcontentwerecompulsory.Remember,you’regivingapresentation,notconductingasighttest.

So,pleasegetreal.Embracereality.

Here’sthedeal:

Yourslidesareintendedtobenefityouraudience,notactasanaidememoirforyou.

They’retheretoenhanceyourpresentationandtosupportyourmessage.They’renotintendedtobeareplacementforyou.

Everreadthegreatbibleaboutpresentationsthatstates‘thoushaltonlyusetextonslides’?Meneither.Itdoesn’texist.Buthere’sthegoodnews.Youareallowedtouseimagesonslides.They’renotchildish.They’renotunprofessional.They’reincrediblyhelpfulifyouuseappropriateones.(Butimagesofcatsarerarelyappropriate,bytheway.)

Remember:

Thegoalofyourpresentationistocauseinsomnia.Notcureit.

Butifyouwanttoknowhowtoensureyouraudienceentersadeepsleep,justuseamonotonevoiceandtalkthroughslideafterslideafterslide.Makesurethere’ssomuchdetailonyourslidesthatyoufeelcompelledtosay‘Iknowyoucan’treadthis,but…’.Hey,that’sboundtomakeyouraudiencesitup…andwanttoleavetheroom.Andmanywould,ifitwasacceptabletodoso.Ireallybelieveit’stimetoparkourpolitenessandstartourowncrusadebylaunchinganall-outattackonslidesthatsuck.Someoneneedstobebraveenoughtosaytopeoplethatwhateversoftwarethey’reusing(itdoesn’thavetobePowerPoint),thisisn’tworking.

Andletmebeclear,it’snotactuallythenumberofslidesusedthatistherealissue.It’stheamountofinformationontheslidesthatiscrucial.Trustme.Morecontentdoesnotequatetomorevalue,particularlywhenit’scrammedontoasingleslide.Usuallyitleadstomoreconfusion,andmostpeoplehaven’tgotthetimeorthefortitudetositinadarkenedroomtryingtomakesenseofsomethingthatisaboutasunderstandableassomebadlyfadedhieroglyphicsonatombwallinEgypt.

Here’sthedeal:

Simpleisbeautiful.Seriously,itis.

Believeme,yourintelligenceisnotdirectlyproportionaltothenumberofbulletpointsyoucantalkthroughwithinagiventimeframe.Yourgoalisnottoconducteyetestsonyouraudiencebyyouruseofasmall-sizedfont.

Sowhatdoyouneedtodo?Ifyouaregoingtouseslides,hereareafewtipstogetyoustarted.

1. Leavepreparingslidesuntilafteryou’vepreparedyourtalk–they’resupposedtoenhanceyourpresentation,notbethestaroftheshow.

2. Usedarkcoloursonalightbackground.

3. Bebigandboldinyourfontsize.Thinkheadlineswhenitcomestoslides,notascript.FontslikeHelveticaandCalibritendtobetheeasiesttoreadonscreen.

4. Imagesincreaseimpact.Sousesome.Andnotclipart,asthat’stoodated.Therearethousandsofpicturesyoucanaccessontheinternet,sostartsearching.

5. Keeptexttoaminimum.It’sOKtohavetextonslides,justnottoomuch.Letyourslidesbreathe–givethetextspace.Wordsneedtolooklikethey’reinanopenfield,notacrowdedcommutertrain.

6. Remember:slidesaremeanttobenefityouraudience–notactasapromptforyou.So,ifnecessary,haveyourownnotesasareminder.

7. Someofthegreatesttalksevergivenneverusedslides.Youmayhavethetechnology,butthatdoesn’tmeanyouhavetouseit.

PauseforThought

Ifyouuseslides,doyourcurrentslidesneedditchingordeveloping?Whichofthetipslisteddoyouneedtoactuponfirst?Ifyoudon’tuseslides,inwhatwayscouldtheyenhancethewayyoucurrentlycommunicatewithothers?

MyOneThingYou’rethestaroftheshow.Yourslidesaresimplyyoursupportingact.

Now,Ihavenointentionoframblingonaboutwhypeopleramble.Brevityisbest.Particularlywhentalkingaboutrambling.

Behonestthough,haveyoueverheardatalk,presentation,lectureor

beeninameetingandthoughtWTF…?

WhatTheFridaywasthatallabout?

Therealityisthepersonspeakingmayhavebeengoodwithwords–althoughtheyprobablyusedtoomanyofthem–andislikelytobeknowledgeableabouttheirsubject.Buthere’stheharshfact:whenthey’refinallyfinished,you’restillcluelessaboutthepointoftheirmessage.

Therealityisthey’vejustspentagestakingyouonaratherun-magicalmysterytour.You’renotsureofthedestinationyou’vearrivedatand,evenifyouare,youremainmystifiedastowhyyou’rethere.

Igenuinelybelievethatwhenthey’recommunicatingtoothers,nooneasks‘HowcanIboreandconfusemyaudience?’Butit’sclearlyatalentsomepeoplehavebeenbornwith.

Sowhydoesithappen?Well,thereareseveralreasons.

Sometimesitcanbeacombinationofarroganceandignoranceintermsofwhatsomepeoplethinkisrequiredinordertoengagetheiraudience.Or,toputitanotherway,theyhaven’tacluehowtocommunicateeffectively,buttheyseemblindtothefact.

Andthatisdespitetheclearsignalsfromtheiraudience(glazedeyes,checkingemails,gettingouttheirsleepingbagsandputtingontheirpyjamas).Somespeakersstillploughonthinking:‘ifItalklongenoughaboutthistopic,somethingwilleventuallystrikeachordwiththem.’

Believeme,itrarelydoes.

Theymayalsogenuinelybelieve‘I’mreallyinterestedinthistopic,soyoushouldbetoo’.(ThisgoesbacktoSin3:‘Failuretoconsiderorunderstandyouraudience’sneeds’.)

Andsomepeopleactuallyenjoythesoundoftheirownvoice.Evercomeacrossthatkindofpersonbefore?They’recomfortablespeakinginfrontofothers,butthechallengeisthey’vebecomesocomfortablethatthey’vefailedtonoticeyouslippingintoacoma.

Butperhapsthebiggestreasonforaspeakerramblingonisalackofclarityintheirmindwithregardstowhattheyactuallywanttoachievewiththeirmessage.

Thetruthis:

Whenyourmindisclutteredwithcontent,claritygetslostinthechaos.

Ultimately,alackofacleardirectionandafinaldestinationintermsofwherethetalkisgoing,meansthespeakergetslostandinevitablylosestheiraudienceatthesametime.ThispainfuljourneycanbefuelledbySin5:‘Wingingit’.Butbelievingyoucanwingitandmuddlethroughwillnotcutit.Itwillsimplyleadtoapointlessandconfusingramble.Sadly,peoplearesousedtobeingsubjectedtosuchexperiencesthattheyoftenviewthemasthenorm.

Buthere’ssomegoodnews,particularlyifyourecognizeyou’reafullypaidupmemberofRamblersAnonymous.

Icanguaranteeyouonething.Ifyouhavetakenpeopleonaramble,thereisonephrasethatdoesengageyouraudienceandimmediatelygetstheirattention.Twomagicwords.

‘Andfinally.’

Insidepeople’smindsthey’regivingyouastandingovationwhentheyhearthatphrase.Iadmitthatinternalovationisbornoutofreliefmorethanjoy,butatleastyou’vegottheirattention.Finally.Justapityyoucouldn’tachievethatthroughoutthewholeofyourpresentation.

Butrelax.Itdoesn’thavetobethatway.Trustme,itdoesn’t–aswe’llseefromournextsection.You’reabouttodiscoveranumberofsimplebutpracticalstrategiestoaidspeakingwithclarityandpurpose.

PauseforThought

Couldyoueverbeconsideredguiltyoframbling?Ifso,what’sthereason?Takeamomenttoreflect.Perhapsthere’sacombinationofreasons.Ifit’srelatedtolackingclarity,you’regoingtofindthechapters‘Startattheend’and‘Sortoutyourskeletons’particularlyhelpful.Andifyourramblingisduetoyouenjoyingspeaking,you’reabouttodiscoveranumberofinsightsandideasthatwillhelpyouraudienceenjoylisteningtoyoutoo.

MyOneThingWhenyou’renextspeaking,imagineyouraudienceisholdingupahugebannerthatsays:

‘SOWHAT’SYOURPOINT?’

(Youmayremembersomeofyouraudiencemembersarealsoholdingabannerthatsays‘WHYSHOULDICARE?’)

Andfinally…So,we’vecometotheendofourfirstsectionexploringtheSevenGreatSinsofSpeaking.Let’srecapthem:

1. Afailuretomakeyourmessagestickyormemorable.

2. Drowningpeopleindetail.

3. Afailuretoconsiderorunderstandyouraudience’sneeds.

4. Focusingonfeaturesratherthansellingbenefits.

5. Wingingit.

6. Showingslidesthatsuck…thelifeoutofyouraudience.

7. Takingpeopleonapointlessramble.

Now,ifyouweretoidentifythetopthreesinsyouneedtostopcommitting,whatwouldtheybe?

1. ______________________________________

2. ______________________________________

3. ______________________________________

OK,confessionisonething.Nowit’stimetomakesureyoustopcommittingthosesinsandturnyourspeakingroundbyembracingnewwaystospeakwithinfluenceandimpact.

Let’smoveontoournextsection.

PART2:

Sophiewasinhermid-thirties.Outgoing,confidentandaboveallfriendly,Iimmediatelywarmedtoher.Wewerespeakingatthesameconference,andIsatbackandrelaxedasIawaitedherpresentation.And

thenshetookit.Nooneelseintheaudience,includingme,sawherdoit.Buttheeffectswereimmediate.

Sheswallowedthe‘I’mnowgivingapresentationpill’.

Thechangewasdramatic.Shetransformedfromarelaxed,confident,friendlypersonintoformalpresentermodewithinseconds.Humour,warmthandpersonalitytooktheirleave,andtheywerereplacedwiththecorporatecloakofseriousness,slicknessandstacksofslides.

Theslideswereanimatedwithgoodgraphicsandsheworeasmartbusinesssuitandlookedextremelyprofessional.

Buttherewasaproblem.

She’dstoppedbeingtheSophiewecouldrelateto.

Shespentmostofhertimetalkingatthescreenratherthantoheraudience.Itwasclearthatshe’drehearsed.Butitalmostfelttoopolished.Therewasclearlynoplaceforhumourorrelatinghermaterialtowhatotherspeakersbeforeherhadtalkedabout.Sadly,Sophiehadforgottenthefollowing:

Beingprofessionaldoesn’tmeanyouhavetobeboring.

Hereyecontactwasalmostnon-existent,aswashersmile.WhathadhappenedtothatwarmandengagingpersonI’dbeenspeakingtoonlyminutesearlier?AndwhydidSophieseemsounawarethatshewasclearlynotconnectingwithheraudience?

PerhapstheclueliesinanoldfairytaletoldbyHansChristianAndersencalledTheEmperor’sNewClothes.Inthestory,avainEmperorisfooledintobelievingthatthenewoutfitthathasbeenmadeforhimisactuallymagicandcanonlybeseenbywisepeople.Peoplewhoarestupidwillnotbeabletoseetheclothes.Notsurprisingly,noonewantstolookafool,andsoeveryonecomplimentstheEmperoronhisnewclothes.Peopleplayalongwiththepretence,exceptthatisforasmallchildwhopointsoutthatheisn’twearingany.Asisoftenthecase,ittooktheinnocenceofachildtopointouttheobvious.

OK,sohowdoesthisrelatetospeakingandpresenting,andtomyexperienceofwatchingSophie?

Igenuinelythinkthatmanypeoplebelievethey’regoodatcommunicatingbecausenoonehastoldthemotherwise.I’mguessing

Sophiedidwhatshedidbecausethat’showshe’dalwaysdoneherpresentationsandnoonehadsuggestedtheyweren’tasgoodastheycouldbe.Perhapsshe,likemanyothers,hadbecomeavictimofaconspiracyofsilence.

Butwhy?

Well,maybethosespeakingareinseniorpositionsandpeopledon’twanttotalkoutofturnandpossiblyoffendtheboss–apotentiallycareer-damagingmove.Inothersituations,audiencemembersarejusttoopoliteanddon’twanttooffendpeople.Theirnicenesspreventsthemfrombeinghonest.(Noteveryonehasthecouragetosaywhatonechurchmemberisreputedtohavesaid:‘GreatsermonVicar.Ihaven’tsleptthatwellinages.’)Peoplecanalsobereticentaboutspeakingthetruthincasetheircriticismismetwiththeresponse‘Well,I’dliketoseeyoudobetter’.Manypeopleshyawayfromspeakingorpresentingsofeellesscomfortablebeingcriticalofsomeonewhoatleasthasthegutstodosomethingthey’dprefertoavoid.

Andasmentionedpreviously,peoplesadlyhavegotsousedtoexperiencingpoorpresentationsthattheyseeitasthenorm–sowhypointoutsomethingthatissocommonplaceanyway?

Sothereyouhaveit:afewpossiblereasonswhysomepeoplecanbepoorpresenters,butremainoblivioustothefact–becausejustliketheEmperor,noonehastoldthemthetruth.IfIwascoachingSophie,justlikeifIwascoachingyou,oneofthefirst‘truths’I’dpointoutistheimportanceofbeingreal.Quithidingbehindafaçadeandbringmoreofwhoyouaretoyouraudience.

Sohowcanyoubereal?Startbyrememberingyou’recommunicatingwithhumanbeingsandnot,assomeorganizationscallthem,humanresources.Ifyoustoppedusingthephrases‘givingaspeech’or‘deliveringapresentation’andreplacedthemwith‘I’mhavingaconversation’or‘I’mtellingastory’,thenyou’dimmediatelyappearmorereal.

Remember:

You’retryingtodeveloparelationshipwithyouraudiencewhenyoucommunicatewiththem.

Whenyouviewyourpresentationasaconversationitcreatesadifferenttonetoyourdelivery.Andguesswhat?You’llappearmorerealandlesswoodenasaresult.

Andhere’sanothercrucialpoint.It’sdifficulttobuyintoyourmessageifpeopledon’tfirstbuyintoyou.Soyourgoalisnottosimplyhaveaconversation,buttoalsocreateaconnection.

Here’sthedeal:

Connectioniscrucial.

Thecontextofthiswillclearlyinfluenceyourapproach,butherearefourinsightstohelpyouconnectwithyouraudience,whateverthesize.

1. Passionoutweighspolish.Ifthesubjectmattermeansalottoyou,thenmakesureyouraudienceknowsthat.Thatdoesn’tmeanjumpingupanddownlikeakangarooonsteroids.Butexpressthroughyourenergyandtoneofvoicewhyyoubelievewhatyou’retalkingaboutmattersandwhyitshouldmattertothem.Anaudienceislikelytobebothmoreforgivingandreceptivewhentheysenseyourpassion.Remember:

Beingtoopolishedcanactuallybecomeabarrier.

Yourcommunicationcouldbeperceivedmoreasanactorperformancethangenuineandauthentic,whichisexactlyhowSophiecameacross.

2.Welikepeoplelikeus.Noneofusareperfect,sowhereappropriatebepreparedtosharesomeofyourstruggles,notsolelyyoursuccesses.Clearlydon’tsharetoomanyoryoucanloseyourcredibility.Butifyouappeartoocleverandportrayyourlifeandcareerasonebigbreeze,peoplewillnotrelatetoyou.Andwhentheydon’trelatetoyou,theydon’tconnectwithyou.

Thetruthis:

Braggingbores.Bigtime.

Now,weaveyourcredibilityintoyourmessagebyallmeans.Shareyoursuccesses.Butifyougetthebalancewrong,you’llalienateratherthanengageyouraudience.Mostpeoplehavehadchallengesintheirlives–sharingyoursconnectsyoutothepeopleyou’respeakingto.

3. Parkyourplatitudes.Itseemstobeatraditionformanyspeakerstotryandingratiatethemselveswiththeiraudience.Remember,whenyousay‘thankyouforinvitingme’,mostofyouraudiencedidn’thaveasayinwhetheryouspokeornot.(Thanktheorganizers,notyouraudience.)Becarefulofshowingtoomuchdeferencetopeople.Tellingpeoplewhatanhonourandaprivilegeitistobethereboresmostpeople.Thebestwaytoshowrespectistodeliveramessageofvalue.

Rememberthis:

Thebestwaytoshowgratitudetoyouraudiencefortheirtimeistomakesureyoudon’twasteit.

4. Giveittomestraight:toomuchslickmakespeoplesick.Behonest.Talkfromexperience.Shareyourstory.I’moftenhiredbyorganizationstoshareideasonhowtheycandealmorepositivelywithchange.IsharemystoryoflosingmyjobthroughillhealthandwonderingifI’dlosemyhouseaswell.

Inotherwords,I’msayingtomyaudience‘I’vestruggledthroughsomemajorchangestoo’.ThechangesI’veexperiencedandthechallengesI’vefacedcouldbeverydifferenttotheirs,butIhighlightthevariedemotionsIexperienced–lossofidentity,uncertainty;positivityoneminute,desperationthenext.Myaudiencequicklyrealizesthey’renotbeinglecturedatbysomeonewhofeelssuperiortothem,butbeingspokentobysomeonewhohasempathywiththem.

PauseforThought

Whatwouldbeyourmaininsightsfromreadingthischapter?HaveyouevercomeacrosssomeonelikeSophie?Areyoueverguiltyofparkingyourpersonalityandgoingintocorporatepresentermode?Whenyouspeak,whichversionofyoudomostpeoplesee–therealyou(whichisstillwellpreparedandprofessional)orthewoodencorporateversion?

MyOneThingWe’veexploredseveralideasinthischapter,includingthefactthatpeoplemayconsiderthemselvesbettercommunicatorsthantheyactuallyarebecausenoonehastoldthemotherwise.We’vealsoexploredfourwaystoconnectwithyouraudience.Here’sareminder:

1. Passionoutweighspolish.

2. Welikepeoplelikeus.

3. Parkyourplatitudes.

4. Giveittomestraight.

Whichoneoftheabovewillyougiveparticularattentiontowhenyou’renextcommunicatingwithothers?

AquestionIcommonlyaskpeopleisthis:

‘Whoisthemostimportantpersonyou’llevertalkto?’

Andtheanswer?

Yourself.

Thinkaboutit.Whoseopinionsandthoughtsdoyoutendtolistentomost?Whoseadvicedoyouultimatelyactupon?Inanutshell:yourown.

Yousee,theconversationswehavewithourselvescanhaveaprofoundeffectuponus.Theseinternalconversationsorthoughtscandeterminewhetherornotweeventaketheopportunitytospeaktoothers.Seriously,that’showimportantandinfluentialtheyare.

Forinstance,ifyourinternalconversationgoessomethinglikethis:‘Ihategivingpresentations,Igetsonervous’or‘What’ssogoodaboutmethatIwanttostandupandspeak?–thenyou’restrugglingbeforeyou’veevenstarted.It’slikeanathletebeingdisqualifiedformakingafalsestart–wecandisqualifyourselvesthroughourinternalself-talk.

Buttheflipsideisalsotrue.Wecanputourselvesinafarbetterpositiontoachievesuccessifourattitudeandmindsetareright.Obvious?Absolutely.Butnotsomethingwealwayspayattentiontobeforewespeak.Solet’sexplorethreeareaswhereyouneedtothinkaboutyourattitudewhenitcomestomakinganimpactasacommunicator.

1.YourattitudetowardsyourtopicNowthere’sjustapossibilitythatyou’resometimesrequiredtospeakonasubjectthatisunlikelytobevoted‘Theworld’smostsexiestandengagingtopicever’.AmIright?

Ioncehadtodeliveraseminaronbehalfofanothertrainingcompanycalled‘Howtodisciplineemployeesandcorrectperformanceproblems’.Betyou’reguttedyoumissedthatone,aren’tyou?!Equally,ifyourtopicofexpertiseis‘GasfittinginSiberia’or‘ThehistoryoftheBelgianBoomerangAssociation’youmightnotseethecrowdsflockingtohearyou.Butonamoreseriousnote,youmayhavetogiveafinancialupdate,presentabusinessplanortalkaboutissuesrelatedtohealthandsafety.Andhere’sthedanger.Youconvinceyourselfbeforeyou’veevenstartedthatthetopicisboring.

I’veactuallyspokenatconferencesandheardotherspeakersannounceatthestartoftheirpresentation‘Andnowfortheboringbit’.Guesswhat?Itusuallyis.Andlabellingyourtopicasboringisnotonlyself-fulfillingbut

alsoinsultingtoyouraudience.It’sself-fulfillingbecauseifyourattitudeis‘thisisboring’you’lldonothingtomakeitengagingandinteresting.Second,you’reinsultingyouraudiencebybasicallysaying:‘I’mabouttowasteyourtimebytalkingaboutsomethingwhichhasnorelevanceorinteresttoyou’.Agree?

CanIpossiblysuggestthat,ifthat’sthecase,youshouldn’tbetalkingaboutit?Seriously,youshouldn’t.However,whatweusuallymeanbytheterm‘boring’isthatwerecognizeitmightnotbethesexiesttopicontheplanet,andcouldevenbequitecomplex,butpeopledostillneedtoknowaboutit.Hopefullyitdoeshavesomeinterestorrelevancetopeople,otherwiseitwouldbeacompletewasteoftimetalkingaboutit.Imean,whatintelligentpersonwouldspendthirtyminutesormoretalkingaboutasubjectthattheyknewhadnorelevanceorinteresttotheiraudience?Pleasetellmeyoudon’tknowpeoplelikethat.

Yousee,here’swhat’sabsolutelycrucialtounderstandifwe’retospeaksopeoplereallylisten.It’sareminderofwhatwelookedatearlierintheFourthGreatSinofSpeaking:‘Focusingonfeaturesratherthansellingbenefits’.

Communicationisfarmorethantelling.It’saboutselling.

Why?Becausebothinandoutsidetheworkplaceyouhavetosellbothyourselfandyourideas,whateverthecontext.Manager,supervisor,teacher,politician,jobcandidate,workcolleague,student,lecturer,salesperson,parent…thelistgoeson.

Soyouraimisactuallyquitesimple.Makesureyourattitudetowhatyou’regoingtosayispositive.Maybeyourmessagewon’tbelifechanging.Peoplemightnotbemovedtotearsordoubledupwithlaughterasyouexplorethehealthandsafetyaspectsofclimbingaladderorlookingatlastquarter’ssalesfigures.Butevenso,it’sdowntoyouandnooneelsetohelpyouraudienceunderstandwhytheyneedtolistentoyou.

Thetruthis:

You’vegottosellit,notjustsayit.

Youhavetobeclearinyourownmindwhywhatyou’reabouttosayhassomerelevanceandinteresttoyouraudience.Nowadmittedly,itmightnotscoreveryhighonthescaleofrelevanceandinterest,butitmustat

leastregisterascore.Ifitdoesn’t,thenyoureallydohavetoquestionwhyonearthyou’retalkingaboutit.

Here’sanexamplefrommyownexperienceoftheimportanceandimpactofyourattitudetowardsyourtopic.

Fionawasinteresting.ShewasafinancedirectorIwascoaching.

‘TheproblemisPaul,financeisreallyboringtomostpeople.Ihatehavingtotalkaboutit,butIalwayshavetodoafifteen-minuteslotaboutitatthestaffconference.’

Iasked‘Sohowdoyoudealwithdeliveringadulltopictoanaudiencewhodon’twanttohearit?’

‘Well,Ijusttryandracethroughitasquicklyaspossibleandgetitoutoftheway.Finishingitdoesn’treallygivemeasenseofsatisfaction,butmoreasenseofrelief.’

Sad,eh?Apersonofinfluenceandknowledgefeelingsonegativeanduninspiredaboutspeakingtohercolleagues.However,ourcoachingsessionhadonlyjustbegun,andIrealizedthefirstthingweneededtoworkonwasherattitude.

Istartedbychallengingheraboutherassumptions.Sheassumedpeoplefindthetopicoffinanceboring.Really?Isthatalwaysthecase?Afterall,moneymakestheworldgoround,andfinancecanbefascinatingtosomepeople.Whatpeoplestrugglewithisbeingdrownedincomplexdetailthatseemstohavenodirectimpactorrelevancetothem.Nowthatapproachisboring.Butiffinancialinformationiscommunicatedinawaytheycangrasp,andthey’renotoverwhelmedwithfigures,thenwhyshouldn’tpeoplefinditofinterest?Thefinancialhealthoftheorganizationhasadirectimpactontheirfuture.

WhatFionaneededtodowastogivepeopleareasontobeinterested.Heraudienceneededtounderstandwhytheyshouldcare–andthatwasuptohertospellout–ratherthanhavingtofigureitoutforthemselves.Inotherwords,shehadtosellwhatshewasabouttosay,particularlyif,onthesurface,thetopicdidn’tappeartobeespeciallyengaging.

Fionatookmyadviceandfocusedmoreonthequestion‘HowcanImakethismoreinteresting?’ratherthanthedefeatist‘Whyisthissoboring?’Now,shedidn’treceiveanOscarforherperformance,orevenastandingovation.ButasIsatintheaudience,Inoticedpeoplewereengaged.She

didn’tapologizefortalkingaboutfinance.Insteadsheallowedherpassionforthesubjecttocomeovertoheraudience.Sheevenmanagedtoincludesomevisualimagesratherthanastreamoffigures.Wasthereroomforimprovement?Absolutely.ButI’veafunnyfeelingthatnexttimeshestandsuptospeak,hercolleagueswon’tbewishingtheycouldgetupandleave.

PauseforThought

Howwouldyoudescribeyourattitudetowardsyourtopic?Areyoueagertospeakorjustrelievedwhenit’sover?Inwhatwayscouldyoudevelopamorepositiveattitudetowhatyou’retalkingabout?

Now,ontothesecondareaweneedtofocuson.

2.AttitudetowardsyouraudienceIreadilyadmitthatspeakinginfrontofanaudiencecanbedauntingattimes.There’sasenseinwhich,whenyoustandtospeak,you’reexposingyourselftoothers(figurativelyspeaking,thatis).Clearly,thisislessthecasewheninamoreinformalsit-downmeeting,butthereissomethingabouthavingalleyesfocusedonyouthatcanmakeyoufeelvulnerable.

Ofcourse,somepeoplethriveonbeinginthespotlight,butmanyotherswillhappilydoalltheycantoavoidit.Partofthereasonforthiscouldbebecausewe’reconcernedthatouraudienceisinsomewayjudgingusandwantingustofail–abeliefwhichcanunderstandablyheightenouranxiety.Butinthemajorityofsituations(Iadmittheremaybesomeexceptions),theaudiencewantsyoutosucceed.Now,we’lllookatdealingwithnervesandanxietyinmoredetaillateroninthebook,butifyouwanttohelpcreateconfidenceinyourself,youneedtofocusyourattentiononthemostimportantpeopleintheroom–thepeopleyou’retalkingto.

Focuslessonyouandmoreonthem.Yourattitudeinpreparingtotalk,whateverthecontext,issimplythis:

HowcanIbestservemyaudiencenow?

Whenwefocuslessonwhatcangowrongandmoreonhowwecanmakethingsgorightforouraudience,ourconfidencegrowsandournervessubside.

RemembertheThirdGreatSinofSpeaking–‘Failuretoconsiderorunderstandouraudience’sneeds’?Thisisyouropportunitytoaddressthat.Thinkmoreaboutthebenefitandvalueyoucanbringtothoseyou’respeakingto.

Thetruthis:

Themoreyouthinkaboutyouraudience,themorethey’llthinkofyou.

It’scrucialwegetthisclearinourheads.It’saboutthem.

Theirneeds.

Theirconcerns.

Theirchallenges.

Yourgoalissimple.Relateyourmessagetotheirworld.

Bydoingsoyou’rechannellingyourunderstandablenervousenergyawayfromyourselfandmoretowardsyouraudience.Andremember,nomatterhowsenioryoumaybeintermsofyourpositionintheorganization,yourgoalistoserveyouraudience,nottoappearsuperiortothem.

Likewise,ifyouraudienceismoreseniorthanyou,yourgoalremainsthesame.Servethem.Theremustbesomereasonyou’vebeenaskedtospeak.Theremustbesomevalueyou’retheretobring–otherwise,whyhaveyoubeenaskedtospeak?

So,unlessyou’repartofanorganizationthatenjoysthesadisticandhumiliatingritualofseeingtheirstaffdieonstage,myguessisyou’respeakingforapositivereason.Sobemindfulofthatandseespeakingasanopportunitytograsp,notacalamitytobeavoided.

Here’sthedeal:

Ifyouwanttoreallyhelpyouraudience,thinkabouthowtoservethem,ratherthansimplyimpressthem.

OK,nowlet’sexplorethethirdandfinalareainrelationtoourattitude.

3.YourattitudetowardsyourselfWhilewemayworryaboutwhatouraudiencethinksofus,oftenourbiggestcriticisactuallysomeoneelse.Ourselves.Havingcoachedseveralhundredpeopleovertheyears,I’destimatethattwo-thirdsareoverlycriticaloftheirperformance.

Nowdon’tgetmewrong–wantingtoimproveisapositivething.Andself-reflectionisagreatwaytogrowanddevelop.But…

Beawareofyourinnercritic-thevoiceinsideyourheadthathighlightsyourweaknessesandunderminesyourconfidence.

Andhere’sthechallengingpart–yourinnercritic’simpactonyoucanoccurbefore,duringandevenafteryourtalk.

However,pleasedon’tconfusethiswiththevoicethatkeepsyouonyourtoesandwantsyoutobeatyourbest.Irefertothatvoiceasyourinnercoach.Buttheinnercriticdoestheopposite–itunderminesyourconfidence.Andit’stheseconversationsyouhavewithyourinnercriticthatcreatetheanxietymanypeopleexperiencewhentheyspeakorpresenttoothers.

Sohowcanyouovercomeit?First,lookbacktoourpreviouspoint.Focusonmeetingyouraudience’sneeds.Youcannothavetwosimultaneousconversationsgoingoninsideyourhead.Whenyou’rethinkingabouthowbesttohelpothers,youcannotalsobebeatingyourselfup.

Second,recognizethatthevoiceinsideyourheadisnotuniquetoyou.Believeme,I’veworkedwiththousandsofpeoplearoundtheglobelookingatthewholeareaofmindset.Thechallengeoftheinnercriticisacommonphenomenonacrossallcultures.It’snotjustyou,OK?

Soacceptthatyou’renotweird.You’rerathernormal.Well,tosomeextentanyway.Andremember,theconversationsinyourheadarejustthoughts.Andyoucandecidehowlongyouentertainthemfor.Thebestwaytodothisisnottosay‘Imuststopthinkingnegativethoughts’.Trustme,thatwon’twork.Thekeyistoreplacetheunhelpfulconversationswithyourinnercriticwithmoreconstructiveones.Herearesomephrasesandquestionsyoumightliketofocuson.

Beforeyourtalk:

‘Relax,thisisanopportunitytoservemyaudience.’

‘TheonlyreasonI’mspeakingisbecausesomeonebelievesenoughinmeandtrustsmetodoagoodjob.’

‘Remember,it’saboutthem.’

‘You’vedonethepreparation,youknowyourpurpose,nowbepresentandgiveityourbest.’

‘Myaudiencewantsthistogowell.’

Afteryourtalk:

‘WhatcanIlearnfromthatexperience?’

‘Whatwentwell?’

‘What,ifanything,wouldIdodifferentlynexttime?’

Thesearefarmoreconstructiveintheirtone.Sostartusingthem,becauseIcanassureyoutheywillmakeadifference.

Hangon…there’smoreTherearesomepeople,however,whosechallengeisnottheirinnercritic.It’sactuallytheopposite.Theirissueismoretodowiththeir‘innercomplacent’.Thesepeoplearepronetobeingtoorelaxed,andaremorelikelytobeguiltyoftheFifthGreatSinofSpeaking–‘Wingingit’.They’recaughtupintheirowncomplacencyandseemtolacktheself-awarenessordesiretoappreciatethatnomatterhowexperiencedtheyare,theycanalwaysimprove.Asaresult,theydon’tseekoutfeedback,andiftheyweretoreceiveanynegativefeedbackthey’dbequicktodismissit.Sadly,theirattitudeisnot‘howcanIimprove?’Theircomplacencybothblindsanddeceivesthem,andpreventsthemfromseekingwaystogetbetter.Infact,somewouldsaysuchcomplacencybordersonarrogance.

Here’sthedeal:

Self-delusionsuffocatesself-development.

PauseforThought

We’vealreadyreflectedonyourattitudetowardsyourtopic,sohowwouldyourateyourattitudetowardsyouraudience?Doyouagreethatit’shelpfultoseeyourselfasservingthem?Aretheretimeswhenyouthinksuchanattitudewouldnotbehelpful?Ifso,when?

Andwhataboutyourattitudetowardsyourself?Couldyouidentifywiththeinnercriticatall?Ifso,whenareyoumostawareofit–before,duringorafteryourtalk?Perhapsyousenseyoumayattimesbecomplacent.Ifso,Ihopereadingthisbookischallengingsomeofthatcomplacency.

MyOneThingDecidenowwhichoneofthesethreeareasyouneedtofocusontohelpyouspeakwithinfluenceandimpact:

Yourattitudetowardsyourtopic.

Youattitudetowardsyouraudience.

Yourattitudetowardsyourself.

Imagineyou’vebeenaskedtogiveapresentationatwork,ormakeapitchtoaclient,orpresentatajobinterview.What’sthefirstquestionmostpeopleaskthemselves?Inmyexperienceit’susuallythis:

‘WhatamIgoingtosay?’

Seemsafairquestion,doesn’tit?Butwait.

Doyourselfafavour.Don’tstartthere.

Here’swhatyouneedtoaskyourself.

‘What’sthepurposeandthepointofwhatI’mgoingtosay?’

Ortoputitanotherway:

‘WhatamIaimingtohaveachievedbythetimeI’veshutup?’

Yousee,ifyou’renotclearonthepointofyourcommunication,it’stheequivalentofstandingblindfoldedinaboxingring,throwingyourarmsaboutinthevainhopeyoumighthityouropponent.Ifyou’renotsureofthetargetyou’reaimingfor,thenalmosteverythingyousaywillmissthemark–unlessyou’rereallylucky.AndI’dratheryoureliedonskillthanluckifyouwanttospeakwithinfluenceandimpact.

Here’sthedeal:

Withoutclarityofpurposeyou’lllackconfidenceandconviction.

Let’sbehonest,howcanyoumakeapositiveimpressionifyou’renottotallyclearontheimpactyou’retryingtomake?ButtherealityisthatmanycommunicatorssufferfromsomethingIcallfuzzyfocus.Trustme,whenyoufindyourselfsayingthefollowing,you’realreadyintrouble.

‘Ijustwanttogivepeopleanupdate.’

‘I’mjustgoingtochatthroughsomeslides.’

‘I’mtellingpeoplewhatIknowaboutthetopic.’

Everheardorsaidanyofthose?Theyseemharmlessenough,don’tthey?Butrememberthephrasesfromearlier?‘WhyshouldIcare?’and‘Sowhat’syourpoint?’Well,yourwordscouldfallondeafearsunlessyou’vegivenpeopleagoodenoughreasontositupandlisten.

Inordertoachievethat,youneedtobeclearonyouranswerstothefollowingquestionsbeforeyoustarttoplanwhatyou’regoingtosay.

Ifwereturntotheaboveexamples,askyourself:whyisthisupdateimportant?InwhatwaywillmyaudiencebenefitfromwhatI’mgoingtosay?Willthisupdaterequirethemtostoporstartdoingsomething?Ifso,what;andwhendotheyneedtotakeaction?

Andwhat’sthepointofyoujust‘chattingthroughsomeslides’?You

soundmorelaidbackthanaholidaymakersippingcocktailsonWiganPier.IwanttobeengagedandbegivenareasonwhyIshouldlisten.Youbeinglaidbackcanleadtoyouraudiencetuningout.

So,beclearonwhywhatyou’regoingtotalkaboutisimportanttoyouraudience.Whatproblemorissueareyouaddressing,andhowwilltheybenefitfromwhatyou’resaying?

Finally,don’tjusttellpeoplewhatyouknowaboutatopic.Believeme,youraudienceisn’tthatbotheredbywhatyouknow.Whattheyreallycareaboutishowyourknowledgewillhelptheminsomeway.

Therealityis:

Whenyou’reclearonwhereyou’regoing,you’refarmorelikelytogetthere.

Ifyouwanttospeaksopeoplereallylisten,you’refarmorelikelytosucceediftheaudienceunderstandshowthejourneyyou’retakingthemonwillhelpthem.Butthey’reunlikelytobeawillingtravellingcompanionifthey’reaskingthemselves:‘Sowhat’sthepointofwhatI’mhearing?’

Now,inorderto‘startattheend’,herearethreethingsyouhavetobeclearaboutinyourownmind.Ifyou’renot,there’llbeconfusioninotherpeople’sminds.WhatI’mabouttoshareisoneofthemostimportanttakeawaysyou’lleverhave.DigestthisandIguaranteeyou’lltalkwithgreaterclarityandpurpose.

EverhadaKFC?Ihaven’t,butit’sonmybucketlist.Butit’snotKFCIwanttotalkabout.It’sKFD.It’stheKFDtakeawaythatwillmakeallthedifferencetohowyoucommunicate.

Solet’sunpackwhatthosethreelettersmeanforyouandyourmessage.Heregoes.

K=KnowBeclearonwhatyouwantyouraudiencetoknow.Remembernottooverwhelmthemwithcontentanddrownthemindetail.Askyourself:what’sthenumberonefactmyaudienceabsolutelyhastoknowasaresultofmytalk?

F=FeelPeopledon’tchangebehaviourorbuyintoacausesimplybecausetheyhavetheknowledge.Theyneedtofeelaffectedemotionallyaswell.So,howdoyouwantyouraudiencetofeelAFTER

you’vespoken?Challenged,motivated,inspired,confident,reassured,entertained?There’spossiblyacombinationofemotions,butifyouhadtochoosejustone,whichwoulditbe?

D=DoSo,peoplecanknowstuffandevenfeeldifferent.Butwhatdoyouwantthemtodoasaresult?Ifyou’renotclearonwhatyouwantpeopletodo,believemeyouraudiencewillnotdoanything.Youmayhaveamusedthem,entertainedthemandevenmadethemthink.Butsowhat?Wasyourmessagejusttheretofilltime,ortomakeatangibledifference?AsmyfriendandcommunicationexpertAndyBoundssays:‘Ifyoudon’tpointoutthenextstep,therewon’tbeanextstep.’

SostartyourpreparationbyworkingthroughtheKFDprocessbeforeyoumoveontopreparingyourcontent.Bydoingso,you’llsavetimeanditwillhelpyoudecidewhatcontenttoincludeandwhattoleaveout.Asaresult,you’llbemorefocusedwhendeliveringyourmessageandcancommunicatewithgreaterclarityandthereforeconfidence.Trustme,thatwillmakearefreshingchangefromsomeofthepresentationsyouraudiencehavehadtoendurepreviously.

PauseforThought

Howfocusedareyouwhenitcomestodeliveringyourmessage?Doyounaturally‘startattheend’intermsofyourpreparation?IntermsofusingtheKFDapproach,thinkofsituationswhenthatwouldbeespeciallyappropriate.

MyOneThingIdentifyonepresentationyouneedtogive(orconversationyouneedtohave).Nowaskyourself:

Whatonethingisitabsolutelycrucialthatmyaudienceknow?

HowdoIwantthemtofeel?

Whatonethingdotheyneedtodonext?

Asyou’lldiscoverlater,it’smysonMattwho’sthemedicinourhouse,notme.ApplyingSavlonandaplasteristhesumtotalofmymedicalexpertise,whichIadmitisn’tagreatdealofhelpifyou’vebrokenyourleg.ButevenI’veworkedoutthefollowing:withoutaskeletonwe’dall

resembleacrumpleduppieceofclothing.Wemightnotseeit,butourskeletonholdseverythingtogether.Thesameistrueinourcommunication.

Withoutastrongskeletonorstructureyourtalkorpresentationcanliterallyfallapart.YoumayremembertheSeventhGreatSinofSpeakingthatweexploredearlierwas‘Takingpeopleonapointlessramble’–well,thischapterwillshowyouseveralalternativewaystoplanthejourneyyouandyouraudiencearetaking,withoutunnecessarydiversionsandpointlessstopoffs.

1.Alwaysusethe3GsThisisthesimplestandmostgenericofskeletonsintermsofhowyoustructureyourcommunication.Itcanbeappliedtoanypresentation,talk,ormeeting,andisnotdependentoncontext.The3Gsare…

Grab’em

Give’em

Goodbye.

Letmeelaborateoneachone.

Grab’em.Putquitesimply,decidehowyouwillstartyourtalk.What’sgoingtohappeninthefirstninetysecondstoensureyouhaveyouraudience’sattention?We’llexplorethismoreinournextchapter‘Grab’embytheeyeballs’,whereyou’lldiscoverseveralotherideasthatwillhelpyoucreateacompellingopeningtoyourtalk.Aboveall,makesureyouanswertheunderlyingquestioninyouraudience’sminds–‘WhyshouldIcare?’

Give’em.Sowhatwillbeyourmainpoints?Whatdoyouraudienceneedtoknowinorderthatyourobjectivesareachieved?Whatdoyouwanttoshowthemonthejourney?Wherearetheintendedstop-offpoints?Whatstoriesorexamplescanyouusetobothillustrateyourpointsandalsomakethemmemorable?

Goodbye.Lotsofpeopleworkontheiropening,butgivelittlethoughttotheirclose.Thedangercanbethatpeoplecontinuetoramblebecauseinanswertothequestion‘Arewenearlythereyet?’,thereplyfromsomepresentersmightaswellbe:‘I’mnotsure.Ihaven’tquitedecidedwhere

“there”is.’

Otherspeakersendabruptlyorfizzleoutlikeafadingfirework.Why?They’vejustnotgivenenoughattentiontotheirgoodbye.Andplease,pleasedon’tendonquestions.That’sneveragreatwaytosaygoodbye.Questionsmaycometowardstheend,butshouldn’tbeattheveryend.

Here’sthemainreason.Ifyouendonquestionsit’syouraudience,notyou,whodetermineshowyourpresentationends.Theyhavecontrol,notyou.Apossiblescenariocouldbethatthelastquestionaskedisoneyoudon’tknowtheanswerto,whichcouldpotentiallyharmyourcredibility.Andthat’snothowyouwanttoendyourpresentation.That’snotasmartmove.Soalwaysensureyouhavethelastword.Thatmeansthatafterthelastquestionyoutakecontrolandendinthewayyouwanttoend.Itmightbewithastory,aquoteorarecapofyourkeypoints.Oftenit’shelpful(andindeednecessary)tospelloutwhatthenextstepsare,orthespecificactionspeopleneedtotakeasaresultofyourtalk.Somakesureit’sastronggoodbye.

Thedealis:

Lastimpressionslast.

2.TheAristotleapproachAristotlewasaGreekguywhoarrivedonthescenearound200yearsafterAesop(we’lltalkmoreabouthimlater).Hisinterestsrangedfrompoetrytopolitics,buthe’sknownaboveallforbeingaphilosopherandscientistwhowasinfluencedbyanothercoupleofGreekguys,SocratesandPlato.

Nowhere’showAristotlecanhelpustocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact.Hecameupwithafive-pointplantocreateapersuasiveargument.It’satechniquethatthelateSteveJobsused–andhewasaguywhowaslegendaryforhispresentationsandtheamountoftimehespentpreparingthem.So,Iguessifit’sgoodenoughforSteve…

HereareAristotle’sfivesteps:

1. Tellastoryordeliverastatementthatarousestheaudience’sinterest.

2. Poseaproblemorquestionthathastobesolvedoranswered.

3. Offerasolution.

4. Describethespecificbenefitsofthesolution.

5. Makeacalltoaction.

Aristotlemayhavebeenaphilosopher,butheknewthepowerofsimplicity.Hisapproachwassimple.Straightforward.Direct.Justlikeyourcommunicationneedstobe.

SteveJobsandmanylikehimdidn’tslideoutoftheirmothers’wombsasgiftedorators.Theyweren’tinthenurseryplaygroundmakingspeecheswhileotherchildrenbuiltsandcastlesandplayedhideandseek.Butwhattheydiddotobecomegreatcommunicatorswaslearnstrategiestoengagetheiraudience,workhardandpractise.AndsometimesthatbeginswithfollowingtheadviceofaGreekphilosopheronhowtostructureyourmessage.

3.Thepowerof4PsIfirstcameacrossthisapproachviaAndyBounds.I’vereferredtoAndypreviously,andinmyopinionhehastobeoneoftheworld’sbestcommunicationcoaches,whichiswhyIaskedhimtowritetheforewordtothisbook.The4Psaremorespecificthanthe3Gs,andthisisastructuretouseonlyincertaincontexts.Thiswouldincludewhenyouneedtocommunicatebadnews,orwhenyouwanttopersuadepeoplewhoareseniortoyouandwantashortandconcisepresentation.The4PsarePosition,Problem,PossibilitiesandPropose.Let’sunpackthesefurther.

Position:ThecurrentsituationisX.

Problem:TheproblemorpaincausedasaresultofpositionXis…

Possibilities:TheoptionswehaveindealingwithpositionX.

Youcanthenoutlinearangeofoptionstodealwiththeproblemanditmightbeappropriate,dependingonthesituationandtheaudience,toaskothersfortheirideasonpossiblesolutions.(Peoplearegenerallymoreenthusiasticabouttheirownideas.)

This‘possibilities’stepisalsohelpfulinreassuringpeoplethatwhateverconclusionyoureach,youhaveexploredotheroptions.Ithelpspeople,especiallythosewhomightnotautomaticallypositively

embraceyourmessage,toatleastseethelogicofyourargumentgiventhealternativeoptions.

Propose:Thisisthestepwhen,havinglookedatthepossibilities,youproposeaspecificoption.

The‘4Ps’approachagainprovidestheskeletontowhichyoucanaddthefleshofyourargumentandprovidesaclearrouteforyourjourney.

4.ChronologicalandlogicalSometimesyourtalkwillsimplybeachronologicalandlogicaljourney.There’snoneedtocomplicatematters.Keepitsimple.Soitmightunfoldinthefollowingway:

Let’sstartbylookingback.

Duringthistimewedidthefollowingasacompany…

Nowwefindourselvesat…

Whatwe’velearntis…

Wherewe’regoingnowis…

We’retakingthatparticularroutebecause…

Thechallengesweanticipateare…

Togetherwe’llovercomethesechallengesby…

Thefirstthingyouneedtodois…

Thisjourneyisveryclear.It’slogical,butcanincludestoriesandslidestohelpilluminatethejourney.Youcouldevenhaveanopeningslideofamapwherethejourneyyou’retakingishighlighted.

Thedealis:

Theonlytimetokeeppeopleinthedarkiswhenyou’retryingtosendthemtosleep.

Thisexamplecouldbeusedtostructureameeting,notjustapresentation.Andbyfollowingityoukeeppeopleontrackand,hopefully,asaresultnoonewillgetlost.Andnotetheending.It’sacalltoactionwiththefocusbeingonthenextstep.

5.Adoptathree-pointturnThisisatermyou’reprobablymorefamiliarwithinadrivingcontext–althoughinmycaseathirteen-pointturnmightattimesbemoreaccurate.Asskeletonsgo,it’stheoneIusemostregularly.Itwillstillincorporatethe3Gs,whichIbelieveareaguidingprincipleforallpresentations,butitalsoprovidessomerealflexibilityaswellasafocusintermsofyourstructure.

Clearly,thenatureofwhatyouwanttotalkaboutwillsometimesrequireyoucoveringmorethanthreepoints,butwhenyouhaveamoregenerictopicormoreofafreereignonwhatyouwanttotalkabout,it’sasimpleformulatofollow.Forabrilliantexampleofathree-pointturn,let’sgothistimetoamanborninCalifornia,ofSyrianratherthanGreekstock–it’ssomeoneI’vereferredtopreviously–ouroldbutsadlydepartedfriendSteveJobs.

Whenyouhaveamoment,Google‘SteveJobs2005StanfordCommencementSpeech’.Intheopeningthirtysecondsofhisspeechhesaysthefollowing:

‘TodayIwanttotellyouthreestoriesfrommylife.That’sit.Nobigdeal.Justthreestories.’

Andthat’sexactlywhathedoes.Hiswholespeechiscentredonthreestories.ButsuchasimpleapproachwastypicalofJobs.Thestoriesaredeeplypersonal,drawingfromhisownlifeexperience,andarerichinvisualimageryandpersonalinsight.Butwhatholdsitalltogetheristhesimplestructureofhavingthreepoints.Ifyouwantanexamplenotjustofthisapproachbutalsoofthepowerofstoriesandtheimpactofastronggoodbye,thenplease,doyourselfafavour.Makeitaprioritytowatchthisspeech.Itwilltakeyoulessthanfifteenminutestodoso.

So,beforereadinganyfurther,decidewheninthenexttwenty-fourhoursyouintendtowatchit.Ifyoudon’tdecidenow,you’llforget.Pleasedon’tjustskipontothenextpoint–we’realmostattheendofthischapteranyway.Makeadatetowatchit.Youwon’tbedisappointed.

Oh,andbytheway,havingreadthissectionyou’llstarttonoticehowoftenthingsareexpressedinthrees–trustme,youwill.

That’sthetruth,thewholetruth,andnothingbutthetruth.

Right,I’mofftomunchonaMarsBar.Apparentlyoneadayhelpsyouwork,restandplay.

PauseforThought

What’sthetypicalwayyougoaboutstructuringyourcommunication?Whichoftheideasexploreddoyouusealready?Howawareareyouoftheneedtosortoutyourskeletons?

MyOneThingToavoidtakingpeopleonapointlessramble,sortoutyourskeletons.Weexploredfivepossiblewaystodothis.Whichonewillyouchoosetouseinyournextpresentation?

The3Gs.

TheAristotleapproach.

Thepowerof4Ps.

Chronologicalandlogical.

Adoptathree-pointturn.

P.S.Don’tforgettowatchthatSteveJobsvideo.

Youknowthatphrase‘Neverjudgeabookbyitscover?’Nicesentiment,isn’tit?Butit’salmostimpossibletodo.Agree?

WhenSusanBoylesteppedonstagein2009toperformonthetelevisionshowBritain’sGotTalent,everyonewasjudgingher.AndImean

everyone.Momentslaterthatfirstimpressionchanged.Forever.

NowSusanBoylewasabletodothatbecauseshehadanamazingvoice.ShehelpedcreateahistoricalTVmomentbecauseofit.Butlet’sbehonest,mostofusareunlikelytobeabletocalluponasimilartalenttoengageouraudience.AmIright?(AndifI’mnot,putthisbookdown,getyourselfanagentandgettouring.)

Now,apartfromherincrediblevoice,Susanalsohadanotheradvantagethatweoftenwon’thavewhencommunicatingwithothers.Heraudienceweren’tsittingtherecheckingworkemailsontheirphonesandseeinghowmany‘likes’they’dhadfromtheirlatestFacebookpost.Neitherhadtheirbrainsbeenexhaustedfromhavingpreviouslysatthroughendlesspresentationswherethey’dbeenbombardedbyfactsandstatistics.Shehadacaptiveaudiencewaitingtobeentertained.

We,ontheotherhand,mightnotbesofortunate.

That’swhy,whateverthecontextofyourcommunication,yourinitialengagementwithyouraudienceiscrucial.I’mnotsayingit’simpossibletoovercomeanervous,hesitantstart.Butitisdifficult.Whenyoufailtoengageyouraudienceatthebeginningofyourtalkyou’vemadeyourjobtwiceashard.Peoplecanbequicktoswitchoffandaren’talwayseasytoturnbackon.Notonlythat,butifyoupossessadegreeofself-awareness(whichsadlyanumberofpresentersandspeakersclearlydon’t),you’llbeawareyou’renotengagingyouraudience,whichcanfurtherfuelyouranxiety,whichinturncanhinderyourabilitytocommunicateeffectively.

Ontheotherhand,ifyoumakeagoodstrongstartwhereyouimmediatelyengageyouraudience,somethingelseislikelytohappentoo.Youbegintorelax.

Thequestionis:howdoyougrabpeoplebytheeyeballsandgettheirattention?(Remember,eveninaone-to-onemeetingwithsomeone,youstillwanttogettheirattentionandmakeanimpact.)Let’sexplorefourways.I’mnotsuggestingyouuseallofthematthesametime–butdomakesureyouareconsciousofusingatleastoneofthesestrategiesthenexttimeyouspeak.

1.CreateacompellingtitleThisissomethingmostpeoplenevergiveanythoughtto.Butbydoingsoyoucouldhavegainedyouraudience’sattentionbeforeyou’veeven

openedyourmouth.

Here’swhatImean.

Ihavealotofexperienceintheareaofstress(myfamilyandfriendsreckonI’mgoodatcreatingit).Inmyearlydaysasaspeaker,Ididn’tplacemuchfocusonthetitleofmytalks.Soveryoftenmynamewouldappearontheconferenceprogrammealongsidetheword‘Stress’.Nowbecauseofmyhigh-energystyleIwasoftenplacedontheprogrammejustafterlunch.However,mostofmyaudiencehadn’tseenmebefore,andsowouldbeunawareofmystyle.Alltheyhadtolookforwardtoaftertheirplatefullofeggsandwiches,onionbhajisandstickytoffeepudding(hopefullynotallonthesameplate)wastolistentosomeguyharponaboutstress.

Butwhatifmytitlewasdifferent?Whatifalongsidemynamewastheheadline‘Whattodowhenyou’reallstressedupwithnoonetochoke?’Itcreatesadifferentimpact,right?Andthat’swhatIstartedtocallmytalksonstress.Nowofcourseyoualsohavetoknowyouraudience.I’mnotsuggestingwhenyounextpresenttoaseniorgroupofpeoplewithinyourcompanyyouhavetocomeupwithafun,creativeandpossiblyamusingtitle.ButIamsaying,thinkmoreaboutyourtitle.

Ialsospeakonrelationshipsatwork.DependingonthecontextImightusethetitle‘Howtobuildwinningrelationshipswithcustomersandcolleagues’.Nothingearthshattering,Iadmit.Butitdoesatleastgivemyaudienceaclearbenefitandreasontolistentome.Alternatively,Ihavealsocalledthesamesession‘Howtohandlenotstranglethepeopleyouliveandworkwith’.Itgetsyourattention,doesn’tit?

TheVirginGrouphaveastaffsurveycalled‘Howdeepisyourlove?’Whatagreatwaytoengagetheirstaffratherthansimplycallingit‘Staffsurvey’.Andit’scompletelyinkeepingwiththeircompanyculture.

Here’sanotherexampleofhowI’veusedatitletograbmyaudience.

ForseveralyearsI’veworkedwithaPremiershipfootballclubinManchester.(Iwon’tsaywhichone,buttheywearblue.)OccasionallyI’verunworkshopsforbothplayersandstaff.Thesearenormallyoptionaltoattend,butwhenIwasworkingwiththeUnder21sitwasmandatory.Itwasfairlyobviousfromtheplayers’bodylanguagethatanumberofthemdidn’twanttobethere.However,astheydriftedintotheroomintheironesandtwosIrevealedthetitleofmysession.Iposedit

asaquestion.

Myopeningslidesimplysaidthis:‘Success.Isitjustamatterofluck?’EvenbeforeIbeganspeaking,theplayerswhoarrivedearlywerediscussingthequestionamongthemselves.TheywereimmediatelyengagedandIhadn’tevenstarted.Result.

Thesamecanapplytothesubjectheadingsofyouremails.IwantedtohaveameetingwithoneofthecoachesattheclubIworkfor.Hewaswellknownfortwothings.Rarelyreplyingtoemails,andhavinganobsessivedesiretoimproveasacoach.Initiallymysubjectheadingwas‘Catchupcoffee?’ButjustbeforeIpressedsend,Ire-readmyemail.ThenIaskedmyselfaquestion.HaveIevengiventhisguyacompellingreasontoopenmyemail,nevermindreadit?Ichangedthetitle.Thenewoneread‘Howtomakenextseasonevenbetter’.Igotareplywithinthirtyminutes.

IsharetheseideasinthepublicpresentationmasterclassesthatIrun.Onedelegatewhoworkedinhealthandsafety–anotoriouslydrytopicinmanypeople’sminds–startedtousethefollowingtitleforhistalks:‘Safetydoesn’thappenbyaccident’.Clever,don’tyouthink?Anotherclient,aninsurancecompanythatworkswithschools,usedthistitlewhenpresentingontheimpactofstaffabsenteeism:‘Doesabsencereallymaketheheartgrowfonder?’

However,Icouldn’tfinishthisparticulartipwithoutsharingwhatIconsidertobeoneofthebesttitlesforatalkI’veevercomeacross.ItcamefromaguywhoworksforalocalcouncilinEngland.Hewasinchargeofcemeteriesinthearea(abitofadead-endjobifyouaskme).Duetotheageofsomeofthegravestonesandaspellofheavyrainfall,someofthemhadbecomeunstableandthereforeunsafe.Inoneinstance,onegravestonehadactuallyfallenoverandinjuredawoman.Thepurposeofhistalkwastowarnthepublicofthesafetyissuesandalsoensurethatunstablegravestonesthatpeoplewereresponsibleforwerekeptsecure.Thetitleofhistalk?‘Monumentalerections–howtokeepyoursup.’

Irestmycase.

PauseforThought

So,whatdoyoureckon–couldyoucomeupwithamoreengagingtitleforyourpresentationthantheoneyoucurrentlyuse?Ifso,playaroundwithafewalternatives.Lettheideasmarinadeinyourmind.Inmyexperiencethetitlewillcometoyouwhenyou’releastexpectingit.

2.Rememberthe90/90RuleLet’sbeveryclear.Asidefromyourtitle,creatingastrongopeningreallydoesstartthemomentyouopenyourmouth.It’sbeensuggestedthat,whenyou’regivingatalkorpresentation,ninetypercentoftheimpactyou’relikelytomakeonyouraudienceismadewithinthefirstninetyseconds.Somesayit’sevenless.Eitherway,you’veagoldenwindowwhereyoucanbegintoeitherwinorquicklyloseyouraudience.Nowwealreadyknowwejudgeabookbyitscover,andthatfirstimpressionsarepowerful(althoughclearlynotalwaysright.Soit’simportantthatfromamindsetpointofview,youhitthegroundrunningintermsofyouropeningremarks.

Thatdoesn’tmeaneventually.Thatmeansimmediately.

Haveanattitudethatyou’rerunningasprintrace,notamarathon.Inamarathonyoucanaffordtomakeaslowstart.Inthe100metresyoucan’t.EvenUsainBoltisvulnerabletodefeatordisqualificationifhemakesasloworfalsestart.Andthoseopeningninetysecondsofyourtalkareasmuchaboutwhatyoudon’tdoasaboutwhatyoudodo.

Sodon’tstartwithalongramblingpileofplatitudesabouthowhonouredyouaretobethere.Itmightbepolite,butcanIbehonestwithyou?It’salsoboring(wementionedthisinapreviouschapter,ifyouremember).Don’tstartbyshowingafirstslidethat’sfullofalistofobjectivesforyoursession,andthenslowlygothroughthemonebyone.Isthatasafeandstandardopening?Absolutely.Willithelpyoustandoutfromthecrowd?Nope.

Also,avoidstartingwithajokeunlessyou’reacomedianorhaveuseditsomanytimespreviouslythatyouknowyou’reguaranteedalaugh.Coulditwork?Yes.Infact,itcouldhelpyougetofftoaflyer.Butifitdoesn’t,you’realreadyfightinganuphillbattlethatyou’vecreated.Youmightrecover,butwhyputyourselfinthatpositioninthefirstplace?

Now,asforwhatyoudointhefirstninetyseconds,therearelotsofoptions.We’llbeexploringthemthroughouttherestofthisbook.Butsimplyhavinganawarenessthatyouropeningisimportantandcanmakeanimpactiscrucial.WhenI’mcoachingmyclientsIexpecttwothingsatthebeginningoftheirtalk.Energy,andforthemtobeengaging.OK,ifyou’retalkingtoasmallgroupofpeopletheenergymaybedifferentcomparedtospeakingtoalargegroup,butevenso,don’ttreatthisasalaidback,casualconversationthatyou’rehavingattheendofanextremelytiringday.Berelaxedbyallmeans,butalsobefocused.Beclearonwhatyou’regoingtosayordofromthemomentyouopenyourmouth.Yougettocreatethatfirstimpression.Sodon’tleaveittochance.Influenceitbyhowyoubeginwithinthefirstninetyseconds.

So,dependingonthecontext,yourgoalisthatyouraudienceishavingsome(orall)ofthesethoughts:

Thiscouldbeinteresting.

Ineedtolistentothisperson.

I’llcheckmyphonelater;Idon’twanttomissthis.

I’mintrigued.Iwanttoknowmore.

WhateverIwasthinkingbeforehasgonerightoutofmyhead.

I’mguttedI’mgoingtohavetoleaveearly.Thissoundslikeit’sgoingtobegreat.

I’veafunnyfeelingI’mgoingtoenjoythis.

Wow,theycertainlyknowwhatthey’retalkingabout.

Soremember:

It’sthe‘90/90Rule’–notthe‘I’llWarmUpEventuallyRule’.

Here’sthethirdwaytograbyouraudiencebytheeyeballs.

3.InvolveyouraudienceSpeakingandpresentingcanbeviewedasaone-wayformofcommunication,whereyoudoalltheworkandyouraudiencearenothingmorethanpassivespectators.Butthatdoesn’thavetobethecase.Youmightwanttostartwiththeintention,‘InwhatwaycanIinvolvemyaudience?’

Thereareseveralways.Herearejustafew:

Getthemtophysicallydosomething.Thisisparticularlythecaseifthey’vebeensataroundforalongtimebeforeyouspeak.Getthemmovinginordertocreatesomeenergy.Imightaskpeopletostand,meetupwithsomeoneintheroomanddiscusswhat’sgoingwellintheirworldatthemoment,orwhatthey’vegotfromtheconferencesofar.OrImightprimethemformytalkbyaskingthemtodiscusswhattheirsinglebiggestchallengeisatworkrightnow.Iwillthenoftenaskpeopletoshoutouttheiranswerstome.

OthertimesIaskpeopletoraisetheirhandstoaquestionsuchas‘Howmanyofyouhaveflowninthelasttwoyears?’Itnotonlycreatesimmediateengagement,butitprovidesalinktotheopeningpointIwanttomakeinmytalk.

Inmy‘HowtoCommunicatewithInfluenceandImpact’seminarsIactuallyhavesomeofmykeymessagestypeduponpaperinsideanenvelope.Ithenrandomlyhandouttheenvelopestomyaudiencemembers.I’veeightenvelopesintotal,eachcontainingaseparatepoint.PeopletakenoteofthenumberontheenvelopeandonlyopenitwhenIaskthemtodoso.It’sagreatwayofkeepingpeople’sattention,particularlyifyouhappentobethepersonwiththeenvelope.

Ifyou’rerunningateammeetingyoucouldstartwiththequestion‘Who’sgotsomegoodnewsrelatedtoworkthey’dliketoshare?’OneclientIknowwhodoesthisthenhandsoutsomesmalltreats–usuallychocolatesorminicakes–tothepeoplewho’veshared.Itcreatesenergyandengagementimmediately.

Sometimestheinvolvementmaybelessphysical,butmorementaloremotional.Imightsay:‘IfIhadtouseametaphortodescribemylife,I’dsayit’sabitofarollercoaster.I’vehadsomehighsbutI’vehadsomelowsalongthewaytoo.’ThenIpauseandlookatmyaudienceandask,‘Cananyoneelserelatetothat?’Ithenpauseagainwhilemaintainingeyecontact.Peoplebegintonod.Iftheydon’t,Ibreakthesilencebysaying‘Soit’sjustmethen’.Thisusuallycreatesalaugh,andthenIrepeatthequestion.I’mgettingmyaudiencetorealizethatwhenIaskaquestion,Iamaftersomekindofresponse.

PauseforThought

Takeamomenttoreflectonhowyoucaninvolveyouraudiencewhenyou’recommunicatingwiththem.WhichoftheideasI’vegivencouldworkforyou?Whencouldyounexttrythisapproach?

Nowforourfinalideaonhowtograbpeoplebytheeyeballs.

4.CreatecuriosityIhaveaconfession.Iquitelikeabitofgossip.Whensomeonesays‘CanIletyouinonasecret?’thelastthingI’mthinkingis‘Areyousurethat’swise?Haveyoureallyconsideredtheimplicationsofwhatyou’reabouttotellme?’Imaytryandtempermyenthusiasmonthesurface,butdeepdownI’mscreaming‘Tellme,tellme’.

Ioncehadagirlfriendwhowouldsay‘You’llneverguesswhoIsawtoday…’andwhenIaskedwho,wouldreply‘Ibetternotsay’.What?Whodoesthat?I’dnagherrelentlesslytherestoftheday(tobefairmynagginghadnormallygothertospillthebeansinlessthanthreeminutes)astherewasnowayIwasgoingtobeleftinlimbo.Ijusthadtoknow.IthinkdeepdownI’mnottheonlyonewhofeelsthisway.

Thetruthis:

Curiositymaykillthecat,butitwilldefinitelyintrigueyouraudience.

Yousee,mostpeoplearesuckersforwantingtoknowsomethingothersdon’t.Maybeitfeedsouregoandmakesusfeelimportant.Perhapsthere’sjustanaturalsenseofcuriositywithinallofus.Afterall,it’stheinsatiablecuriosityofasmallchildthathelpsthemdiscovertheirworld.Therealityisthatcuriosityandhumandevelopmentareinextricablylinked.ThinkforamomentofhowmanyTVsoapoperasusethistechniquetoensurewestaytunedaftertheadvertsorremembertorecordthenextepisode.Millionsofpeopleweregrippedinthelate1970sbyonesimplequestion:‘WhoshotJR?’Ifyou’retooyoungtoremember,makesureyouGoogleit.You’llbestaggeredtolearnwhoreallyshothim.Anddidhesurvive?You’llhavetofindout,won’tyou?

Mycuriosityhasevenbeenthecauseoffamilyrows.I’mnotahugefanofquizshows,buttherearetimeswhenI’mchannelsurfingthatIstumbleacrossone.WhoWantstobeaMillionaire?isoneshowthatneverfailstograbmyattention.WithinminutesI’mhooked.Andthecauseofourfamilyrows?It’swhenthecontestant,havingwrestledforwhatseemslikehoursbeforegivingtheiranswer,thensitsandstaresanxiously,waitingtoseeifthey’rerightornot.

Thewaitcanbeexcruciating.Finally,thequizhost(inthiscase,ChrisTarrant)lookslikehewillputthemandusoutofourmisery.Andthenwhatdoeshesay?Somethingalongthelinesof‘We’llfindoutifyou’vewon£250,000rightafterthebreak’.Idon’tcareifwe’vearestauranttablebooked.I’mnotevenbotheredifwe’realreadyrunningtwentyminuteslate.Ihavetoknowwhathappensnext.

Nowhere’smypoint.Howaboutwetapintothishumandesirefor‘fillinginthegapsinourknowledge’whenwe’respeaking,andbydoingsospeakinawaythatmeanspeoplereallywanttolisten?

Here’showIdoit.

WhenI’mtalkingaboutSUMO,Iexplainthatit’sanacronymstandingforShutUp,MoveOn.However,IthenrecallthechallengeIhadwithsomeschoolswhowerekeentousetheSUMOprincipleswithchildrenbutweren’tkeenonthephrase‘ShutUp’.Iexplainmydilemma,butdon’timmediatelyrevealhowIovercamethisobjection.

Iwanttocreatesomecuriosity.

EventuallyIletmyaudience‘intothesecret’byexplainingthatSUMOcanalsostandfor‘Stop,Understand,MoveOn’.Inmanyrespects,I’maimingtowelcomemyaudienceintomyworldandrevealsomethingtothemthatthemajorityofpeoplewhoarefamiliarwithmyworkdon’tknow.Butthere’smore.LaterinmypresentationIexploretheimportanceandconsequencesofthechoiceswemakebothinandoutsidework.ThenIsaysomethingalongthefollowinglines.

‘You’lllovethisnextpoint.’Ithenpauseandleanforwardtowardstheaudience,andthensayinaquietvoice:‘Sumoasaword,notasanacronym,butasawordinLatin,canmeanthis…’OnceagainIpausebrieflybeforefinallyunveilingwhatitcanmean.Wanttoknow?OKthen.SumoinLatincanmean‘Ichoose’.Veryfew,ifany,ofmyaudiencewouldhaveknownthat.

Here’sthedeal:

Thebrainenjoysacquiringnewinformation,andpeoplelovetodiscoverthingsthatotherpeoplearecompletelyinthedarkabout.

Anotherwaytocreatecuriosityistoaskquestions.HerearesomeI’vereadorheardinthelastfewmonths:

What’sthenumberonechallengeaffectinghospitalstoday?

Whatfivethingsshouldyoudoeverydaytoimproveyourlife?

What’sthesinglebiggestcauseofstressinpeople’slives?

Poseaquestionthatdoesn’thaveanobviousanswerandyouraudienceareimmediatelyengaged.Thenexplainhowyouintendtoanswerthatquestioninyourpresentation.Trustme,you’llhavepeople’sattention.

So,ifyouwanttograbpeoplebytheeyeballs,createcuriosity.Createinthemasenseofwantingtoknowwhatyou’regoingtosay.Don’tmakeittooeasyandtellthemeverythinginthefirstfiveminutes.Takethemonajourney.Whettheirappetite,butdon’tgivethemthedessertbeforethey’vehadtimetodigestthestarter.Tokeeppeopleengaged,keepthemcurious.

PauseforThought

Howmuchtimeandconsiderationdoyougivetothefirstninetysecondsofyourtalkormeeting?Howconsciousareyouofmakingastrongstart,andthebenefitsofdoingso?Reflectonyourlasttalkorpresentation.Whatwereyoudoing,consciouslyorunconsciously,tograbyouraudiencebytheeyeballs?

MyOneThingWe’veexploredfourwaystograbyouraudiencebytheeyeballsandengagethemfromthestart.Chooseoneofthefollowingtouseinyour

nexttalk.

1. Createacompellingtitle.

2. Rememberthe90/90Rule.

3. Involveyouraudience.

4. Createcuriosity.

I’dliketostartthischapterwithalittlemindexperiment.Don’tworry,it’snothingdangerous.There’snoneedtosignadisclaimerform.Youcanremainfullyclothedifyouwish,althoughit’snotcompulsory(but

probablyadvisableifyou’rereadingthisinapublicplace).Andnopriorknowledgeorexperienceisrequired.Areyouready?Good.Heregoes.

I’dlikeyoutothinkofaword.Justoneword.

Breakfast.

Nowbrieflycloseyoureyesandforthreeorfoursecondsthinkof‘breakfast’.

Whatimagescomeintoyourmind?Baconsandwiches?Abowlofcornflakes?Muesli?Sausageandegg?DeepfriedMarsBarwithcurrysauceandchips?

OK,sowhatdidyouthinkof?I’mcurious.

Now,behonest,didyouthinksolelyabouttheword‘breakfast’andseeitwritteninblackonawhitebackground?Ithoughtnot.Meneither.Now,fromthatbriefexperimentIthinkwe’vejusttappedintosomethingveryinterestingand,yesIrealize,prettyobvioustoo.

Thedealis:

Peoplethinkinpictures.

Yousee,whenitcomestoourfivehumansenses(theothersbeinghearing,taste,touchandsmell),sightisthedominantoneinrelationtothespeedwithwhichwereceiveandprocessinformation.Sohere’smyquestion.Whenitcomestohowyoucommunicatewithothers,howintentionalareyouincreatingpicturesinpeople’sminds?

ThinkbacktotheFirstGreatSinofSpeakingweexploredearlier,‘Afailuretomakeyourmessagestickyormemorable’.Couldoneofthemainreasonsforthisbethelackofimagesweusetoengageouraudiencewhencommunicatingwiththem?Well,here’sthegoodnews.You’reabouttodiscoversomesimpleandpracticalwaystobecomeanartistandpaintpicturesinpeople’sminds…andyouwon’tevenneedapaintbrushtodoso.

Forthetimebeing,let’sfocusonfive(I’lldevoteawholechaptertoanotheronelater).

1.SlidesYes,it’sasimpleonetokickoffwith.Weknowslidescansuckbecause

they’reloadedwithtext,whichisaboutasengagingandinterestingasstudyingthelatestEuropeanUnionlegislationontheimportandexportofbrusselsprouts.

Now,weexploredhowtodevelopengagingslidesinanearlierchapter–itwastheSixthGreatSinofSpeaking–soyoumaywanttoreviewthetipsIgaveyouattheendofthatchapter.However,here’saquickreminderofoneofmykeypoints.

Ifyoueveruseslides,looktoreduce(noteliminate)textandwherepossibleusemoreimages.Forexample,whenIexploreoneofmySUMOprinciples–‘HippoTimeisOK’–Icouldintroduceitbyshowingthewordsonascreen.ButIdon’t.Isimplyshowanimageofahippothatfillsthescreen.Likewise,inmyPresentationMasterclassIhaveasectioncalled‘LessonsfromBeckhamandMadonna’.Here’stheslideIuse:

Remember:

Imagesincreaseimpact.

Ifyoustillneedconvincingofthisfact,castyourmindbackto3August2015.ThatwasthedaywhentheworldwokeuptotheSyrianrefugeecrisis–whenthepictureofthree-year-oldAylanKurdiwaspostedaroundtheworld,hisbodywasheduponabeachinTurkey.Itwasthatsingleimage,morethananysetofstatistics,thatultimatelycausedpeopletotaketheplightofSyrianrefugeesseriously.

2.PropsWhenIspeakateventsIalwaysrequestasmalltable.NotonlydoIwantaplacetoputmyglass(Idrinkalotduringmypresentations…waterthatis),butIalsowantroomformyprops.Interestinglyinourhigh-techage,theuseofpropsisnotsomethingmostaudiencesareexpecting.Visualslidesmaybe.Evenvideo.Butprops?Buthere’sthedeal–theymakeanimpact.

IwasrunningaPresentationMasterclassveryrecentlywhereawomanbroughtwithheralargebucketwithstickyplastersplacedonvariouspartsofit.Why?Shewantedtoillustratethatcompaniesmaybefillingtheir‘buckets’withprofitbut,duetopoorsystems,fraud,andtheft,someofthoseprofitswereleakingout.Insomepeople’seyesthestickyplastermightnothavebeenthemosteffectivemetaphor,butshewantedtodemonstratethatherideaswouldhelprepairthoseleaksandhelpthecompanyretainmoreofitsprofits.

Nowhere’stheinterestingpoint.Isitthroughhundredsofpresentationsduringmywork,butAnne’spresentationsticksout.Why?Itwasvisual.Itwasmemorable.Anditwasalittleunusual.

BillGates’spropwhenhewantedtotalkabouthisdesiretoeliminatemalariawastobringonstageaglasscontainer,insideofwhichweresomelivemosquitos.Justoverfiveminutesintohistalk,andtothegreatdismayofhisaudience,Gatesreleasedthemosquitosintotheauditorium,althoughhereassuredthemtheseparticularoneswerenotcarriersofmalaria.Evenso,it’sfairtosaythatthisparticularpropcertainlygainedhisaudience’sattention.Hislivedemonstrationwillneverbeforgotten,notjustbythoselisteningtohimthatday,butthehundredsofthousandsofpeoplewhohavesubsequentlyviewedhistalkonline.

TherearenumerousoccasionswhereIfindpropsaresometimessimplythebestwaytomakemypoint.I’dbelostwithoutthem.WhenItravelabroadonaspeakingengagement(mywiferefusestoletmetakethemonholidays)Ialwayscarrytheminmyhandluggage–I’mparanoidaboutlosingthem.I’dhateforthemtogomissingandendupinsomeremoteplaceintheAntarctic–orevenworse,Aberdeen.(Andifyou’refromAberdeen,I’mjustteasing…theyhappentobemyfavouriteScottishfootballteam.)

OneofmypropsthatIuseregularlyisabeachball.Notsomethingyou’dnecessarilyexpectaguyfromthenotsosunnycityofManchestertobeassociatedwith,Iadmit.Interestinglythough,it’soneofthethingsI’mrememberedfor.Ihavementionedthisparticularproppreviously,butletmegointoalittlemoredetail.

Wheninflated,mybeachballhassixseparatecolours:blue,white,green,red,yellowandorange.However,whenIholdupthebeachballinfrontofmyaudience,Idosoinawaythatmeanstheyseeonlythreeofthesixcolours.Iamalsoseeingthreecolours,butbecauseI’mononesideofthebeachballandmyaudienceisontheother,we’reactuallyseeingdifferentcoloursfromeachother.

ThepointI’mmakingisthatinlifepeoplecanbelookingatthesamesituation(thebeachball)butdependingontheirperspectivetheycanseethingsverydifferentlyfromotherpeople.Ithenslowlyturnthebeachballroundwhilesaying,‘ifwewanttobuildbetterrelationshipswithothersandcommunicatemoreeffectivelywithpeople,weneedtostopthinkingourperspectiveistheonlyperspectivethereis–andmoveontoseethingsfromotherpeople’sperspectives’.

BythetimeI’vefinishedspeaking,I’mnowseeingthreecoloursofthebeachballIcouldn’tseebefore,andsotooaremyaudience.

Trustme.ThatisaloteasiertoexplainandhasafargreaterimpactonmyaudiencewhenIhaveaphysicalprop(i.e.thebeachball)withmethanwhenIdon’t.

ThiswashighlightedwhenmyfriendDave(andyou’llhearmoreabouthimlater)cametohearmespeak.He’soneofmyclosestfriendsandhewasveryfamiliarwithmySUMOprinciples,including‘RemembertheBeachball’.Dave’sahighlyexperiencedspeaker,sowhenIfinishedmytalkIwasreallykeentogethisfeedback.

‘SowhatwasyourbiggesttakeawayDave?’Ihesitatedatthispoint,becauseDavehasareputationforbeingratherbluntandbrutalinhisopinion.(HereckonsbeingborninYorkshiremayhavesomethingtodowithhislackofdiplomacy.)

ButIneedn’thaveworried.Davewasimpressed,althoughhedidmentionhethoughtmyshoeslookedlikerejectsfromacharityshop.(It’ssometimeshardtobelievethatheworksparttimeasaself-esteemcounsellor.)

‘Mate,yourbeachballillustrationwasbloodybrilliant.’(Althoughtobefairhislanguagewasslightlystronger.)

‘Really?’Ireplied.‘ButI’vetalkedaboutitforyears.I’msurprisedsomethingyou’resofamiliarwithwouldmakesuchanimpact.’

Thenhesaidsomethingveryinteresting–whichisn’tacommonoccurrenceforDavebut,likeasolareclipse,it’sworthwaitingfor.

‘ThethingisPaul.Whenyou’vetalkedaboutthebeachballpreviously,you’veexplaineditwhiletalkingoverthephone.TodayIsawit.’

Thedealis:

Propsarenotjustforrugby.

Ifyouwanttostandoutandberemembered,thenlookforwaysinwhichyoucoulduseapropinyournexttalkorpresentation.

3.UsevisuallanguageSometimesyoudon’tneedtouseslidesorpropstopaintpictures.Thoseareexternaltools,buthere’sthereallycoolthing–youcancreateimagesinpeople’smindsbyusingyourowninternaltools–thewordsyouuse.Yousee,intermsofpaintingpicturesourwordsbecomethepalletfromwhichwepaint.

Buthere’sthedeal:

Somespeakersonlyusethecolourgrey-andnotevenfiftyshadesofgrey.Justoneshade.Dull.

You’veheardthephrase‘Apicturepaintsathousandwords’,right?Welltrustme,there’ssomethinginthat.Theproblemisyou’llfailtocreatemuchofanimpactandimpressioniftheonlycolouryou’reusingisgrey.

Butthemorevisualyoumakeyourlanguagetodescribesomething,themorestickyandmemorableitis.Yourwordscanliterallycreatepicturesonthescreensofyouraudience’sminds.

Forexample,you’reprobablyfamiliarwiththephrase‘itwasliketryingtofindaneedleinahaystack’whenyouwanttoillustratetheextremedifficultyoftryingtofindsomething.You’vealsoprobablyheardthephrase‘itwaslikeherdingcats’whenyou’retryingtoexplainthechallengeoforganizingpeople.Theseillustrationsdowork,butIwanttochallengeyoutodeveloporuseless-familiarones.Therealityis,themorecommonaphraseis–evenifit’svisual–thelessitsimpact.Yousee,therereallyismorethanagrainoftruthinthefollowing:

Familiaritybreedscontempt.

Well,itmightnotquitebecontempt,butthebrainnoticesthenewandthedifferentandpayslessattentiontothenormal.It’sintriguedbythenovel.

SoherearesomeexamplesI’vecomeacrossrecentlythatcaughtmyattention.Why?BecauseI’dnotcomeacrossthembefore,buttheyweregreatexamplesofusingvisuallanguage.

Itwasliketryingtorideabikeinreallysoftsand.Plentyofeffort,butlittleprogress.

It’sliketryingtodoajigsawwithoutapictureonthebox.

Itwaslikeplayinggolfinthedark.Withablackgolfball.

IwassoangryIlookedlikeapitbullchewingawasp.

Itwasliketryingtoteachadoghowtolayanegg.

Itwasliketryingtoexplaintheinternettoanant.

Wewriteoursuccessesinsandbutwecarveourfailuresintoconcrete.

Oneclientwastryingtoexplaintomethesignificantchangeherownhealthorganizationneededtogothrough,andusedavisualmetaphortoillustrateherpoint.Shesaid:‘Ifwesoldbooks,it’snotlikebeingaWHSmithandtryingtobecomeaWaterstones–it’sfarmoreradicalthanthat–weneedtobecomeanAmazon.’ImmediatelyIunderstoodthechallengetheyfacedand,likethepreviousexamples,herillustrationwasvivid,stickyandgotthepointacrossquickly.

OneofthemosteffectivecommunicatorsI’vecomeacross,whousesvisuallanguagebrilliantly,isBeryl.IloveBeryl.She’smyfinancialadviserandhasbeensoforovertwenty-fiveyears.She’sfriendly,personableandisclearlyanexpertinherfield.Butthey’renottheonlyreasonswhyI’veretainedherservicesforoveraquarterofacentury,andrecommendedhertocountlessotherpeople.I’msurelotsofotherfinancialadviserspossesssimilarqualitiestoBeryl.Sowhat’sthereason?

Shesimplifiesstuff.

Nowthatdoesn’tsoundparticularlyearthshattering,Iconfess,butitdoesmeanagreatdealtome.Why?Ilovewords.ButIhatefigures.Figuresmakemefeeluncomfortable.It’slikeI’mwearingmyrightshoeonmyleftfoot.SowhenIheartechnicalfinancialtermslikecompoundgrowthandassetbackedsecurity,mybraindisengages.ItfailstofunctionandI’mtemptedjusttoswitchoff.Butthat’snotahelpfulattitudeonmypart.Financialmattersareimportant–andthat’swhereBerylcomesin.

Shedemystifiesitall.ShespeaksinalanguageIunderstand.Havingmentionedthefinancialjargon,Berylwillthengoontosay,‘sowhatthatreallymeansis…’Sheevengetsoutapieceofpaperanddrawsillustrations.Idon’tfindthispatronizing.Ifindithelpful.Remember,peoplethinkinpictures.

NowIdon’tthinkI’mstrugglingtograspfinancialterminologybecauseofalackofbasicintelligence,butBerylrealizesthat,likealotofpeople,ifyou’renotespeciallyfamiliarwithcertaintermsthenyoumightneedsomehelpgraspingthem.Sadly,noteveryoneislikeBeryl.

Manycommunicatorsspewoutawholehostoffacts,figures,jargonandacronymsandfailtotakeintoaccountnotonlytheiraudience’sneedsbutalsotheirknowledge.Whattheyfailtounderstandisthatalotofpeopleintheiraudiencearen’tcomfortablesaying‘Maybeit’sjustme,butIhaven’taruddycluewhatyou’reonabout’.Andneitheristheirsilencenecessarilyanindicationoftheirunderstanding.Itcouldwellbeareflectionoftheirconfusion.

Thetruthis:

Agreatcommunicatorbuildsbridgeswiththeiraudience.Theydon’tleavethemfeelingbaffledandbewildered.

Berylisaverysuccessfulbusinesswoman.Butshe’slearntthatknowing

thewordstoasongdoesn’tmakeyouagreatsinger,andneitherdoesbeingafinancialexpertmakeyouasuccessfulfinancialadviser.However,addingclearcommunicationtoyourknowledgeandexpertisewilldo.Believeme:whatworksforBerylcanalsoworkforyou.

Justmakesureyoumindyourlanguage…andmakeitvisual.

OK,sointhischaptersofarwe’veexploredhowslides,propsandvisuallanguagecanallbeusedtopaintpictures.Nowlet’sexploretwomoretools.

4.IllustrateyourpointIt’seasyattimestotalksolelyintheoreticalabstracttermsasyoucommunicatekeyideasandconcepts.Nowyou,personally,maybebothengagedandenthusedbysuchthoughtsandhavetheabilitytoseeclearlyhowtheyallfitintothebiggerpicture.Butthere’sachanceyouraudiencewon’t.Yousee,abstractartdoesn’tattempttorepresentexternalreality,andifI’mhonest,plentyofpresentationsI’veheardarerathersimilartoapieceofabstractart–theydon’tconnectwithreality.

Wordssuchastransformation,synergy,paradigm,re-engineer,leverageandcustomer-centricitymightsoundimpressive,butwhatdotheyactuallymean?Whataretheyactuallysaying?Yourchallengeistoconnectwhatyou’resayingtopeople’sworldssothatthey‘getit’.

Thetruthis:

Somepeoplesayalotbutcommunicateverylittle.

Nospeakershouldexpecttheiraudiencetowadethroughtheircomplexwaffleandtrytoworkoutwhatonearththeywereonabout.Challengeyouraudiencetothink,byallmeans,butdon’timprisontheminachamberofconfusion.

Sowhatdoyoudo?

First,rememberthis:

Yourgoalinsimplifyingyourmessageisnottodumbitdownbuttomakeitmoreaccessible.

LetmeillustratewhatImean.InmytalksIwanttointroducemyaudiencetoaSUMOprinciplecalled‘FruityThinking’.It’sanidea

basedonCognitiveBehaviouralTherapyandSolutionFocusedThinking.Butthat’sabitofamouthful,soIcallit‘FruityThinking’.IstartbytalkingabouttheT.E.A.R.process,Thinking,Emotions,Actions,Results.ThepointIwanttomakeisthatthequalityofourthinkingcanultimatelyimpactthequalityofourresultsinlife.NowIgenuinelybelieveIgiveaclearandconciseexplanationofwhatImean,butitstillremainsanintellectualconcept.WhatIneedtodoistobringthisalive,andturnaconceptintoaconcreteandmeaningfulexample.Inotherwords,Ineedtoillustratemypoint.

Here’swhatIdo.

ItalkaboutFrank.

Frankwassomeonewhoclearlydidn’twanttobeonmytrainingsession.He’dbeensent.Althoughjudgingbyhisbodylanguage,helookedlikehe’dbeensentencedtocome.Notinghisuneaseasheenteredtheroom,Iwalkedovertowelcomehim.

‘Hi,I’mPaulMcGee.I’mrunningthesession.Nicetomeetyou’Isaid,asIextendedmyhandtoshakehis.

‘Whattimedoesthisfinish?’hereplied,asheignoredmyoutstretchedhandandavoidedmakingeyecontact.

BeforeIhadachancetoreply,Franklookedaroundtheroomwithalookofcontemptandcontinued‘I’venoruddyideawhyI’monthiscourse.Iretireinsevenyears’.

Atthispoint,IunpackmyencounterwithFrankwithmyaudienceandrelatewhathappenedinrelationtotheT.E.A.R.process.IexplorethepossiblethoughtsFrankwashavingaboutmysessionevenbeforehewalkedintotheroom.Thesethoughts,whichIthinkisfairtosaywerealongthelinesof‘Idon’twanttobehere’,wouldaffectFrank’sfeelingsoremotions.Histhoughtsandemotionswouldinfluencehisactions.(Interestingly,Frank’sactionsweremainlyintheformofnon-actions.Hespentmostofthesessionsittingwithhisbacktome.)ThenIask,‘Anddotheseactionsinfluencehisresults?Youbet.’

IthenexplainhowIknewwhatFrank’sresultswerebecausehewrotethemonanevaluationform.

‘Ithoughttodaywouldbeacompletewasteoftime.AndIwasn’tdisappointed.’

ThanksFrank.

IalsotellastoryabouthowIworkedwithSirCliveWoodward,thecoachoftheEnglandRugbyUnionteamwhowontheWorldCupin2003.Iexplainhowitallstartedwithaconversationinsidemyhead,i.e.mythinking,andhowIdecidedtowritetohimafterIreadhisbookWinning.ThestoryunfoldsasIalsosendhimacopyofmySUMObookand,havingreadit,SirClivecontactsmetosayhewantsmetoworkwithhim.IusethestoryasaconcreteexampleofhowtheT.E.A.R.processplaysoutinreallife.

Thedealis:

Ifyoureallywanttomakethingsstick,you’vegottouseconcrete.

5.TurnfiguresintopicturesRemembermyfriendDave,theguysoblunthe’lltellyouifhethinksyournewbornbabylookslikeashrivelledupalien?Well,coupledwithhisskillsoftactanddiplomacy,he’salsotrainedhisbraintodosomeremarkablethings(althoughsadlythatdoesn’textendtorememberingmybirthday).HeoncememorizedPito22,500digits.Yes,youreadthatright–twenty-twothousandandfivehundreddigits.Tobefair,hedoesn’tgetoutmuch.

Hecanalsomemorizeashuffledpackofplayingcardsandfiveminuteslaterrecounttheexactorderbacktoyou.Impressive,eh?Buthere’sthething.Thisisn’tsomemagicaltalentthatwasbestoweduponhimatbirthalongwithhismopofgingerhairandchunkyfingers.Maybewe’dliketothinkitwas,butthereasonfortheseremarkableachievementsisalittlemoredowntoearth.It’ssimplythis.

Heworkshardandhe’sdevelopedastrategy.

Andit’sthestrategyheusesthatcanhelpyoutocommunicatewithmoreinfluenceandimpact.Here’swhathedoes.It’ssimplereally.

Heturnsfiguresintopictures.

Letmeexplain.

Forinstance,ifweexplorehowDaveremembersplayingcards,partofhisstrategyistoturnsomethingabstractlikethecardthetwoofclubsintosomethingmoreconcreteandmemorable.Whatdoeshedo?He

turnseachplayingcardintoaperson.Yepthat’sright–eachcardrepresentsapersonthatismemorabletoDave.

Here’showhedoesit.

Let’sstickwiththetwoofclubsexample.Thenumbertwobecomesthesecondletterofthealphabet,B.ThesuitinthiscasebeginswiththeletterC,sohememorizesthenameofsomeonewiththeinitialsBC.Itdoesn’thavetobethenameofanyoneweallknow,justaslongasit’sknowntohim.IunderstandfromDavethatthepersonheassociateswiththetwoofclubsisactuallysomeoneknowntomostofus–theformerUSPresidentBillClinton.

Yousee,we’reprogrammedfrombirthtorecognizeandtakenoteoffaces.(Althoughifyouwanttorememberthenamesofthosefacesyou’llneedtogiveDavearing.)WhichexplainswhyBillClintoniseasiertorememberthanthetwoofclubs.OK,Iguessyou’rewondering‘thisisallverywellandgood,buthowdoesthisideahelpme?’

I’mgladyouasked.

Tostartwith,beawarewhenyou’reusingfiguresinyourtalkorpresentationthatyoudon’toverwhelmyouraudiencewithtoomany,unlessit’sabsolutelynecessary.Clearly,someareneededtomakeyourpoint,butbecarefulofthedangersofoverkill.Andnomatterhowmuchdatayouuse,figureslike37percent,428,734or£18trillioncanappearutterlymeaninglesstoyouraudience.Yourchallengeisthis.LikeDavedoeswithhisplayingcards,youhavetoturnfiguresintosomethingmorememorable,andyoudothatbymakingthingsmorevisual.

Herearetwowaysyoucandothat.

First,percentages.Thephrase‘Nearlyfouroutoftenpeople’isfarmorememorableandeasytocomprehendthan‘thirty-sevenpercent’.Nexttimeyouwatchorlistentothenews,noticehowoftentheyusethisstrategytocommunicatethelatestresearchfigures.Second,figuresinisolationdon’tmeanagreatdeal.Socomparethemtosomethingelse.Forinstance,youmightwanttosay£18trillionistheequivalenttowhatthiscountrywouldspendoneducationforthenextXamountofyears.Thefigurenowhassomemeaningbecauseofthiscomparison.

Severalyearsago,Iheardaguyontheradiotalkabouthowmuchgreateradog’ssenseofsmelliscomparedtoahuman’s.Nowtheexamplehe

usedmightnotbecompletelyaccurate,butit’sapicturethat’sstilllockedintomymind.Intryingtoexplainhowmuchgreateradog’ssenseofsmellisthanahuman’s,hesaidit’slikecomparingthesizeofapostagestamptothesizeofafootballpitch.Ithinkyougetmypoint,don’tyou?Thatcomparisonimmediatelyhelpsusgrasphowmuchgreateradog’ssenseofsmelliscomparedtoourown.

Here’sonefinalexampleofhowtouseyourpaintbrushtomakefiguresmeaningful.

InhisbookThe8thHabit,StephenCoveyreferstoapollofover20,000employeesanddrawsoutfiguresfromthispollrelatedtoemployeeengagement.Buttobefair,they’refiguresthatcanbequicklyforgotten.SowhatdoesCoveydo?Heturnsthesefiguresintoamemorableexamplethatpeoplecanidentifywith.Hedistilsthefeedbackofover20,000employeesandrelatesittoafootballteam.(Heusestheterm‘soccer’,butI’llforgivehim.)

Thisiswhatemployeeengagementscoreswouldlooklikeiftransposedontoafootballteam.Herearesomeexamples.

Onlyfouroftheplayerswouldknowwhichgoaltheywereattacking,ofwhichonlytwowouldcare.Andnineoftheplayerswouldbemorecaughtupincompetingagainsteachotherthantheiropponents.(Forthoseofyouwondering,IbelievetheteaminquestionwasnotChelseaFCinthelattermonthsofJoseMourinho’ssecondspellincharge.)

ButdoyouseewhatCoveywasabletodo?Suddenly,statisticsandpercentageshavefargreatermeaning.Evenifyou’renotintofootball,theillustrationispowerful.Andit’sfarstickierthanalonglistofpercentages.Agree?

Here’sthedeal:

Don’tuseamachineguntofirefiguresatpeople.Useapaintbrushtomakethemmeaningfulandmemorable.

PauseforThought

Howconsciousareyouofmakingwhatyousayvisual?We’vetalked

aboutslidespreviously,butifyou’venottakenthehintalready,inwhatwayscouldyoumakeyourslidesmorevisuallyengaging?Orareyouhappywiththewaytheyare?

Whataboutprops–haveyoueverusedthem?Haveyouseenotherpeopleusethemeffectively?Isthereonepartofyourpresentationthatcouldbeenhancedbyusingaprop?Ifso,whatpropwouldyouuse?

Howconsciousareyouoftheneedtoillustrateyourpointswithexamples?Remember:whatisclearinyourheadmightnotbesoclearinyouraudience’s.

Doyouusefigureswhenyoucommunicatewithothers?Howcouldtheideaswe’veexploredhelpyoutosharethosefiguresinamorememorableandmeaningfulway?

MyOneThingWe’veexploredfivewaystopaintpicturesinyouraudience’sminds.

1. Slides.

2. Props.

3. Usevisuallanguage.

4. Illustrateyourpoint.

5. Turnfiguresintopictures.

Whichonewillyoufocusontoensurewhenyounextspeakyoudosowithgreaterinfluenceandimpact?

Strangetitletothischapter,don’tyouthink?Imean,who’sJoforstarters?AndJC?AndasfortheGreekguy,wellarewetalkingancientormodern?

Wellsitbackandrelax,asyou’reabouttofindoutwhatthesethreepeoplehaveincommon,andhowtheycanhelpyouspeaksopeoplereallylisten.

Let’sstartwiththeGreekguy.HisnamewasAesop(pronouncedee-sop).Doesthenameringabell?Well,everheardthestoryabouttheTortoiseandtheHare?Hewroteit.Anddoestheterm‘sourgrapes’soundfamiliar?That’saphrasetakenfromoneofhisfables.NowsomeofthefactsaboutAesoparealittlesketchy,butherearesomeofthethingsthatweresaidabouthim.

Aesopwasastoryteller(althoughsometimescalledafabulist),andiscreditedwithwritinganumberofstoriesthatIguesscouldbesummarizedas‘lessonsinlife’.Thesestorieswerecommonlycalledfables,aliterarygenrethattypicallyfeaturesanimals,mythicalcreaturesorforcesofnature(likethewind),whicharegivenhumanqualitiessuchastheabilitytospeak.BorninGreecearound600yearsbeforeJesushitthescene,interestinglyquitealothasbeenmadeofhisphysicalappearance.Pot-belliedwithamisshapenhead,shortarms,bandylegs,aflatnoseandsquintyeyes,it’sfairtosayhewasnoGeorgeClooney,althoughwiththepowerofPhotoshopifhewerearoundtodayhispublicistwouldprobablyhavehimresemblingTomCruise.

Now,howmuchoftheaboveisaccurateisquestionable(andanyresemblancetomeisentirelycoincidental),buthehasbecomeassociatedwithstoriesthat,2,500yearsafterhisdeath,arestilltoldthroughouttheworld.Sohecertainlyleftalegacy.

OK,sowho’sJC?Well,weactuallyreferredtohimamomentago–it’sJesus(althoughsomepeoplecallhimJesusChrist,hencetheinitials).

It’sfairtosaythere’sprobablymoreknownaboutJesusthanAesop,althoughItendtoignoretheHollywooddepictionofhimasareallygoodlookingguywithlongfairhairanddeepblueeyes.PerhapsnotthemosttypicallookforaguybornintheMiddleEastofJewishstock,Ithink…orisitjustme?

Sowhat’sJesus’sconnectionwithAesop?Simplythis.Stories.

Thinkaboutit–hewasalwaystellingthem.EverheardtheparableoftheGoodSamaritan?(Aparable,unlikeafable,useshumancharacterstogetitsmessageacross.)Youmightnotremembertheprecisedetails,butmostpeoplegetthegistofthestory.Samaritanswerethedespisedenemy

oftheJewsatthetime,andtheJewshadenoughproblemsastheywerelivingunderRomanoccupation.Jesushadatechniqueforengaginganaudiencebyoftenansweringaquestionwithaquestionofhisown,orinthiscase,tellingastory.

Thequestionposedtohiminthisinstancewas‘Whoismyneighbour?’Now,hecouldhavegoneontomakealong,emotivespeechpackedwithplatitudesandfeelgoodsoundbites,donefacepaintingwiththekids,passedoutbunchesofdaisiesandaskedeveryonetojoinhandsandbreatheinthecosmicenergy.Butthatapproachwasn’tthisformerchildrefugeeandpart-timecarpenter’sstyle.

Hetoldstories.

Storiesthatwererelevanttohisaudience,easilyrememberedandoftenpackedwithemotion.

Hisgoalwasneversimplytoappealtopeople’sintellect,buttotheirheartalso.Infact,likemanycommunicatorsofhisday,he’dtappedintoastrategyforaudienceengagementthat,aswe’llseealittlelaterinthischapter,hasalotofscientificsupportbehindit.And,likeAesop,Jesus’sstoriesarestilltoldtoday,asindeedisthestoryofhislife.

Sothat’sAesopandJesus.Sowho’sJo?IsshesomeotherfigurefromhistorywhohungoutwiththeJewsandtheGreeks?WasshebetterlookingthanAesop?

Well,actuallyJois,asIwrite,stillaroundtoday.Here’sabitofherbackground.

JoisfromtheSouthWestofEngland,andshestartedlifeasaresearcherandbilingualsecretaryforAmnestyInternational.AndthisnextbitIfindreallyfascinating.ItwaswhileshewasonadelayedtrainfromManchestertoLondonthatsheconceivedtheideaforabook.Nowdespitegoingontoliveonbenefitsandhaveherbookproposalrejectedbyseveralpublishers,itdidgoontodoratherwell.Infact,itwentontosellover400millioncopies–Idon’tknowaboutyou,butIthinkthat’sfairlyimpressive.Herbook,though,wasseenasappealingmainlytoyoungboys,andherpublisherwasconcernedboysmightnotwanttoreadabookwrittenbyawoman.SoshewasaskedtodropthenameJo(anabbreviationofJoanne)andreplaceitwithtwoinitials.Soshedid.JoisperhapsmorecommonlyrecognizedbytheinitialsJ.K.–andalsobyhersurname.Rowling.AndlikeAesopandJesus,it’sfairtosayshe’sa

rathergoodtellerofstories.CertainlyaccordingtoHarryPotterfanssheis.

OK,nowlet’sberealistic.There’saverygoodchancethat2,000yearsfromnow,ifpeoplearestillaliveonthisplanet,theyprobablywon’tbediscussingyourPowerPointpresentationfromlastweekoryourtalkattherecentstaffconference.Andcopiesofyourspeechareunlikelytobeturnedintoanepicfilmseriesatalaterdate.Butdoyourselfafavouranyway.Tellstories.Why?Well,forawholehostofreasons.

Yousee,startingfromcavepaintingsover20,000yearsagorightupuntilthisverymomentintime,tellingstorieshasbeenfundamentaltohowwecommunicatewithothers.AsIwrite,thenewStarWarsfilmTheForceAwakenshasbeenreleased,andiscurrentlycompetingwithFatherChristmasforthepublic’sattention.And,ultimately,whatisStarWars?It’sastory.

Here’sthedeal:

Peoplegotothecinematowatchastory.

Whetherit’sreadingabook,watchingaTVsoaporevenlisteningtothelatestgossipwherewework,thefactisweallloveagoodstory.Andthat’sthecasewhateverourageandwhateverourculturalbackground.Butwhy?

Sciencehastheanswer.

Whenwelistentoatalkorpresentationwhichisloadedwithfacts,figuresandbulletpoints,acertainpartofourbrainisactivated.Theinformationhitsthelanguageprocessingpartsinourbrain,wherewedecodewordsintomeaning.Andthat’sit.Therestofyourbrainanditsfunctionsremainlargelyundisturbed.

Nowimaginethis.Intermsofametaphor,ifyourbrainwasrepresentedbyafamilyoffivepeoplelivingathome,whenyoucommunicatejustfactsandfigures,onlyoneofthefamilyisawakeandthere’sjustoneroominthehousewiththelightswitchedon.Therestaresleepingindarkness.

Butwhenyoutellastory,thingschange.Suddenlythewholehouseisawakeandvirtuallyallthelightsareon.

Yousee,whenyoutellastoryit’snotjustthelanguagepartofthebrain

thatisactivated,buteveryotherpartofthebrainthatwewouldusewhenexperiencingtheeventsofthatstory.Whenyou’retellingastoryyoucanquiteliterallyplantideas,thoughtsandemotionsintoyourlisteners’minds.

Here’sthedeal:

Storieswakeupthewholebrain.It’slikegivingyourmindamassage.

Ifyoudescriberunningawayfromaparticularthreat,there’sactivityinthemotorcortexofyouraudience’sbrainevenwhenthey’resittingstationary,listeningtoyou.Andusingwordssuchas‘bakedbread’,‘freshcoffee’and‘scentedsoap’canelicitaresponseinthepartofourbrainsdevotedtosmell.

Crazy,eh?Butthere’snowsomuchscientificresearchonthesubject(gatheredfrombrainscansandtheworkofneuroscientists)thathelpsusunderstandthepowerofstoriesandtheireffectuponthebrain.

Butyoudon’treallyneedsciencetoconvinceyou,doyou?

Jesus,JoandAesopareproofthatstorieswork.Yourownexperienceconfirmsthat.Therealityis:

Ideascanoutlivepeoplewhenthey’reexpressedthroughstories.

Yousee,storiesengagethewholeperson–notjusttheirintellectbutalsotheiremotions.They’refarmorememorablethanwhenyou’recommunicatingdataorasetofstatistics.Andifyouwanttochangeorinfluencepeople’sbehaviour,don’tthinkappealingtotheirrationalbrainisallthat’srequired.Farfromit.Youneedtoengagetheiremotionsaswell.Andthat,quitesimply,iswherestoriesexcel.

Thedealis:

Factstell.Storiessell.

DuringBarackObama’sfirstpresidentialcampaignin2008,hetoldahumorousandyetalsoinspiringstoryaboutaddressingameetingofonlytwentypeople.He’sfeelingtiredandmiserable,whenonewomanagedaround60suddenlystartsachant…‘Firedup?Readytogo!’OthersbegintojoininandObamashareshowjustafterafewminuteshehimselfwasfeelingfiredupandreadytogo.Itillustrateshowjustonevoicecanmakeadifference,andit’sastoryhecontinuedtotell

throughouthiscampaigntobecomepresident(ifyouwanttocheckoutthestory,gotoYouTubeandsearchfor‘BarackObamafiredup’–it’swellworthwatching.)

Sowhydon’tweusestoriesmore?Well,ifyou’veanysenseyouwillfromnowon.Buttherealityismanyspeakersshyawayfromusingthem.AndIthinkthereareseveralreasonswhy.

First,Istillthinkwe’reblindedbythecorporatecloakofprofessionalismthatsomehowbelievesstoriesareforchildren.They’reoftenseenasaformofentertainmentratherthaneducation.

Thequestionis:whycan’teducationbeentertainingattimes?

Second,Ithinkpeopleareuncomfortableusingthem.Perhapsthere’sasenseoflosingcredibilitywhenyousay‘Letmetellyouastory’.Althoughtobefair,ifyoudidopenyourtalkbysaying‘Alongtimeagoinalandfar,faraway,therelivedabeautifulprincess’youmightstruggletoengagetheguysattheaccountancyconference…oranyoneovertheageoffourforthatmatter.

Third,Ithinkstoriesarenotusedextensivelybecausewe’resobusytryingtogetourslidesright,orconcentratingonourcontent,thatwe’vecompletelyoverlookedhowwe’regoingtocommunicateourmessageinastickyandmemorableway.

Fourth,mostpeoplearen’tevensurehowtoputagoodstorytogether.

Andfinally,Ithinkmostpeopleareunawareofthesciencebehindthepowerofstoriesandtheireffectuponourbrains.

Sohowcanyouincorporatemorestoriesintoyourcommunication?Well,forstarters,beawareyoudon’tevenhavetousetheword‘story’.Don’ttellpeopleyou’regoingtotellthemastory–justtellit.Forinstance,herearesomeexamplesofopeningsthatcouldbeusedtostartastory.

‘Ibumpedintooneofourcustomerslastweek.Whattheyhadtotellmemightsurpriseyou.’

‘Iremembermyveryfirstjob.ThelessonsIlearnthavestuckwithmeuntiltoday–particularlymyfirstdaymanagingagroupofpeopleonaproductionline.’

‘Afriendofminewastellingmeaboutanincidentthathappenedtohimwhilehewasonholidaylastsummer.’

Here’showIopenoneofmystories:

‘Howmanyofyouhavekidsintheroom?’Ithenwaitforashowofhandsandthenattemptsomelowlevelhumourbyadding‘Idon’tmeanunderthetables…’(Andthenbrieflyactoutthemstoopingdowntoconversewiththeirchildunderthetable.‘Here’saniPad.I’llchangeyournappylater.’)Trustme,it’sfunnierwhenyouseemedoit.

ThenI’mstraightintomystory.

‘MysonMattwas15atthetime.Hecamehomefromschoolonedayandsaid“Dad,Iwanttobecomeadoctor”.’

IgoontoexplainmysurpriseatthiscareerchoiceasIknewfrompreviousconversationsthathehatedbiology.Thencomesthepivotalmomentinthestory:hisreply.

‘Dad,we’vegotanewteacher.MrsShaw.She’salotstricterthanmypreviousteacher.Infact,someofmymatesdon’tevenlikeher.Butbecauseshe’sstrict,weactuallygettolearnsomethinginthelesson.Andshe’sreallypassionateaboutthesubject.’

Ithentalkaboutthechallengeshefacedinevengettingintomedicalschoolasit’soneofthemostcompetitivecoursestogetoninthewholeofthecountry.ThenafterashortpauseIcontinue.

‘Mylad’s22now.He’sinhisfifthyear.Studyingmedicine.AndIrealizedasItoldthisstoryaboutMrsShaw,thatI’dneverevenmether.SoawhilebackIsentheracard.’

IthenexplainwhatIputinthecard,includingthephrase‘Itelleveryoneyou’reM.A.D.–“MakingADifference”,becauseyouwerethecatalystformysonwantingtobecomeadoctor,andIjustwantedtosaythankyou.’

Thestorycontinues.‘MrsShawgotbackintouch…’Ithenproceedtotelltheaudiencewhatshewrotebacktome,andIgiveparticularattentiontoherclosingphrase.‘Yourcardjustmademy…(andIpausebeforeadding)year.’Ifinish,notbysaying‘Sothemoralofthestoryis…’.No.Ijustsimplysaythefollowing.‘Never,ever,forgettheimpactandimportanceofshowingpeopleappreciation.’

Trustme;it’sapowerfulstory–andnotjustwhenI’mtalkingto

teachers.Italsohighlightsthepowerofonepersonandtheimpacttheycanhaveonotherpeople’slives.

Here’swhatI’dlikeyoutodo.Openupyourmindmoretothiswholeideaofstoriesandwhentousethem.Beonthelookoutforstoriesfromyourownlife.Infact,youmaybetellingthemwithoutevenrealizingit.

Forinstance,whenyou’reatajobinterviewgivinganoverviewofyourcareerandhighlightingexamplesofyourachievements–you’retellingyourstory.Whenyou’regivingasummaryofyourcompany’sfinancesoverthelasttwelvemonths–you’retellingthestoryofthefinancialjourneyoverthelastyear.Sometimesyou’retellingthe‘bigstory’,butyoucanalsouselittlestoriesoranecdotesandexamplesthataddcolourandcontexttoyourmessage.Forexample,thebigstoryisyourcareeroverthelastfifteenyears.Thelittlestoriesarewhenyoutalkaboutspecificsituationsthatoccurredduringyourcareer.

So,whenpreparingyournextpresentationorspeech,beginbyaskingyourself‘What’sthestoryhere?What’sthejourneyI’mtakingpeopleonandwhat’smykeymessage?’

HowtogetgoodattellingstoriesWell,Ihopeyou’renowconvincedofboththepowerandnecessityofstories,whichdon’thavetobebasedonfantasyoranimalsthatspeakbutinsteadoneverydaylife.However,Idothinkthatdespiteallwe’veexploredsofar,therecouldstillbeonethingholdingyoubackfromusingthem.

Maybedeepdownyoudon’tthinkyou’reverygoodattellingthem.

Ifthat’sthecase,herearesomeideastohelpyouimproveyourskills.Andifyoudothinkyou’reprettygood,myapproachisstillthesame.Herearesomeskillstogetevenbetter.

1.ArtisticlicenseisOKThekeytoagoodstoryisthebigideathatcomesfromit.Youraim,inmostcases,isnottorecounteverysingledetailinchronologicalorderandrecountverbatimwhatwassaidandwhosaidit.You’retellingastory,notgivingtestimonyincourtinamurdertrial.

AllthestoriesItellinthisbookandinmypresentationsaretrue.ButI’mnotgoingtosuggestthatmyMrsShawstoryisa100%accurateaccountofeverythingthathappenedwhenmysonsaidhewantedtobecomeadoctor.I’vemissedpartsofthestoryout.Forinstance,thecardIsenttoherwasactuallysentviaafriend’sdaughterwhostillstudiesattheschool.Butthisinformationaddsnothingtomymessageandisunnecessarydetail.Likewise,myconversationwithmysonisnottakenfromatranscript.Fortunatelyfamilyconversationsarenotrecordedinmyhouse.

So,startfirstbythinkingaboutthepointofyourstory.Makesureit’snotbeingincludedpurelyforthesakeofit.Second,thinkaboutthekeypointswithinthestory.So,ifIwastodothatwithmyMrsShawstory,itwouldlooklikethis.

Thepointofmystory:

Remembertoshowappreciationtothepeoplewhomakeadifference.

Keypointstoinclude:

MysonMattwantstobecomeadoctor.

Hedoesn’tlikebiology.

Hedoesnow–hehasanewteacher.

MrsShawisstrictandpassionate.

Mattisnowtrainingtobeadoctor.

IsendacardtothankMrsShaw.

Mycardmakesheryear.

Isuggestyougothroughthesameprocessifyouhaveakeystoryyouwanttotell.Writedownthekeypoints–trustme,itwillhelpenormouslyinbringingclarity.

NowIcantakeagoodtwominutestotellthatstory–butyouwereabletoreadthroughthekeypointsinlessthanthirtyseconds.It’sagreatexercisetodo,especiallyifyou’renotusedtotellingstories.Andremember,agoodstorydoesn’thavetolastlong.Itdoesn’thavetobeanepic.It’slikelytobeabriefsceneinthefilm,nottheentiremovie.Sowhydon’tyouidentifyastoryyoucouldtell,andwritedownthekeypointsyouwouldliketoinclude.

2.GiveussomedetailIknowwatchingfilmsinblackandwhitecanbenostalgic,andthatblackandwhitephotographycanbeevocativeandpowerful.Butwhenitcomestotellingstories,bringsomecolour.Giveussomedetail.Iftherearepeopleinyourstories,givethemnames.Itellastorynotaboutmysonandateacher,butaboutMattandMrsShaw.ItellyouhowoldMattwas,andincludedetailsaboutMrsShaw’scharacter.Shewasstrict–someofhismatesdidn’tevenlikeher.She’spassionateaboutthesubject.I’venotdescribedwhatshelookslikeasI’venevermether,butIcangiveyousomedetailabouthercharacter.

Whenyou’reretellingastory,you’reinasensererunningamovieinyourmind.Yourgoalistohelpyouraudienceseewhatyousee–socreatepicturesintheirminds.They’llfillinsomeofthegaps,that’sfine–buttheydoneedsomedetail.

3.GetsomesupportTellingstorieswellcanbeincrediblypowerfulandprofound.Theycaninspirepeopletotakeactionandchallengethemtothinkandbehavedifferently.Theycanhelpcreateanatmosphereandcausepeopletositupandlisten.Andsomepeopleare,Iconfess,naturalstorytellers–notjustinaworkcontext,butasocialonetoo.Somepeoplecanhaveacaptiveaudienceoverthedinnertable,andcanquiteliterallycausepeopletostopeating.Yousee,storiescaninsomewayshypnotizeus–theyhavetheabilitytoconnectwithpeopleatadeeplevel.

Notallofusarenaturallygiftedinthisarea.That’sfine.Butthat’snotareasontosettleformediocrity.Whenitcomestocommunicatingwithinfluenceandimpact,thisistooimportantaskillnottoseektoenhance.

Soseeksupport.Haveacoach.MaybeevenjoinanorganizationcalledToastmasters,whoprovidetraininginpublicspeakingskillsthroughtheirlocalclubs(theirwebsiteiswww.toastmasters.org).Attheveryleast,completetheexerciseIoutlinedearlierinthischapter.Youoweittoyourselfandyouraudiencetodoso.Andpractiseyourstories.MywifeHelenhas,it’sfairtosay,heardmystoriesafewtimes–althoughtobehonest,they’remainlyaboutheranyway.Thetruthis:

Ifastoryisworthtelling,it’sworthtellingwell.

Irecognizesomeareshorterthanothers;they’remoreofalittleanecdote.Butcertainlyforyourlongerstoriesmakesurethefirsttimeyouraudiencehearsitisnotthefirsttimeyouhavetoldthestoryoutloud.Practisetellingitoutloud.Tothecat.Thedog.Themirror.Justmakesureyougetusedtotellingit.

Sothereyouhaveit.TheGreekguyachievednotorietyandleftamorallegacy.Jesusmanaged,whetherintentionallyornot,tostartwhatisnowtheworld’slargestreligionintermsoffollowers.AndJomanagednotonlytomakealotofmoney,butalsogotkids,particularlyboys,interestedinreading.Therereallyissomethingaboutstories–andifyou’rewiseyou’llseektousethem.

PauseforThought

Thinkaboutsomeoneyouknowwhoisagoodstoryteller.Isitafriend,colleague,comedian?Whatmakesthemsoengagingasacommunicator?Whatcanyoulearnfromthem?

Howintentionalareyouaboutusingstorieswhenyoucommunicatewithothers?When’sthenextopportunityyou’llhavetouseastoryaspartofyourcommunication?

MyOneThingIfyouwanttospeaksopeoplereallylisten,thentellstories.Buttellthemwell.What’sthesingleactionyouneedtotakenowtobecomemoreeffectiveatcommunicatingthroughstories?

Herearethreeoptions:

Seeksupport(checkoutToastmastersorgetacoach).

Startpractisingoutloud.

Completetheexerciseonpage153.

Oh,andremembertocheckoutthatBarackObamavideo.Firedup…

Nowthisisanareathatcanoftenbeoverlookedwhenexploringhowtocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact.Buthowwedealwithquestions

canbecrucialtooursuccess.Noteverymeetingorpresentationwillincludetimeforquestions,butwhentheydo,handlingthembadlycanseeyourcredibilitycrumbleinseconds.

WhenTonyBlairreflectedbackonhistimeasPrimeMinisterofBritain,herecalledhowmuchhestruggledwithPrimeMinister’sQuestionTime.HeconsideredoneofhistriumphsasPMtobeseeingitgofromatwiceweeklyaffairdowntojustonceaweek.InhisautobiographyhedescribestheanxietyhefeltinpreparingforQuestionTimeandthereliefhefeltwhenitwasover.Foranotherweekatleast.Forsomeonewhowasconsideredtobeaconfidentcommunicator,Ifindthisratherinteresting–althoughnotsurprising.

Yousee,there’sonereasonaboveallwhyTonyBlairandcountlessotherpoliticiansandpresentersdislikequestions.Control.Youhavefarlesscontroloverhowthispartofyourpresentationortalkwillunfold.Adifficultorunexpectedquestioncouldbelurkingaroundthecorner,andhowwellit’shandledcoulddeterminehowwellyouroverallmessageisreceived.Ifhandledwell,youranswercouldhelpfurtheryourargument,reinforceyourmessage,andconfirmyourcredibility.However,ifdealtwithbadly,allyourprevioushardworkcouldbeunravelledinamatterofmoments.

Now,unlessyouhavethecontrolofapoliticaldictatorandanaudienceascompliantasagroupofNorthKoreanslisteningtotheirleader,youdon’treallyhaveanyguaranteesastohowquestiontimewillgo.That’sthebadnews.Thegoodnews,however,isthatwithsomeplanningandpreparationyoucangreatlyincreaseyourchancesofthisbeingapositiveandlessstressfulexperience.(WhichexplainswhyTonyBlairandothersbeforeandafterhimtooksomuchtimetoprepareforPrimeMinistersQuestionTime.Theyrecognizedthedevastatingconsequencesiftheyfailedtodoso.)

So,whatcanyoudotoprepareforquestiontime?InsomepresentationsI’veattended,audiencemembershavebeenbriefedbeforehandonwhatquestionstoask.Thiscancertainlyhelptomaintainadegreeofcontrol,andonceoneortwoplannedquestionshavebeenasked,itcanhelpthepresentertorelaxandcanoftenstimulateandtriggerquestionsfromotherpeoplethathadnotbeenplanned.

Ifyoutakethisapproach,justmakesurethequestionshavesome

credibilityandarenotseenasobviouslyplanted.Forinstance,thequestion‘Wouldyouagreethatweareamarvellousorganization,ledbyanincredibleleaderandstaffwhoworkhereshouldfeelgratefultodoso?’wouldclearlyseemostpeoplereachingfortheirsickbags.

Butwhatiftheaboveisnotanoption–whatcanyoudothen?Herearefiveideas.

1.CommunicatewhenquestionscanbeaskedEitheryouorwhoeverisrunningorchairingthemeetingoreventneedtomakepeopleawareofwhentheycanaskquestions.Insmallermeetings,questionsmightbeencouragedthroughoutthepresentation,butformoreformal,largerpresentationsthesearenormallytowardstheend.

2.StatehowlongyouhaveforquestionsIfthispartofthepresentationisnotmanagedwell,therecanbeacompletelossofcontrol.I’veseenmeetingsdragonandoverrunpurelybecausethere’sbeennosetlimitonthetimeforquestions.Theaudienceshouldn’tbeincontrolofwhenquestionsfinish.Youshould.Sosetatimelimit.Thathasthebenefitoffocusingbothyouandyouraudience.

3.AnticipatetoughquestionsSeveralyearsagoIworkedwithalargeoutplacementorganizationwhereIhelpedpeoplebackintoemployment.Iranatwo-dayinterviewingskillscoursewhereacolleaguewouldconductmockinterviewsondaytwo.Aspartofthepreparation,Iwouldaskthegroupwhichquestiontheywouldhatetobeaskedduringtheinterview.I’llneverforgetoneguy’sreply.Andyconfessed:

‘Ihateitwhentheyask“Whatareyourweaknesses?”’

Thisisindeedaquestionfavouredbymanyinterviewers,althoughit’susuallyaskedintandemwiththequestion‘Whatareyourstrengths?’Itisaninterestingquestion,though,asclearlywedon’twanttoanswerinsuchawaythatcompletelydestroysourchancesofgettingthejob.Thereply‘Tobehonest,I’mnotreallyateamplayer.I’mconsideredlazy,andIhavenodriveorambition.AngermanagementisstillsomethingIstrugglewith,andIgotopieceswhenunderpressure,’willguaranteetheinterviewcomestoanabruptend.Althoughyou’llprobablyreceivetop

marksforhonesty.

Anyway,backtoAndyandhisweaknessquestion.‘Sohowdoyourespondtothatquestion?’Ienquired.‘Well,Ijusthopetheydon’taskit,’hereplied.

Here’sthedeal:

Whenitcomestoconfidentlydealingwithquestions,hopeisnotastrategy.

So,makealistoftoughquestionsthatyoumightbeasked.Ifyouwereinyouraudience,andforwhateverreasonwantedtogivethespeakerachallengingtime,whatquestionswouldyouask?Ifyou’renotsure,asksomeoneelse.Then,onceyou’veidentifiedsome,starttoprepareyouranswers.Ofcourse,theremaywellbeaquestionyouhadn’tanticipated.Fairenough.Butyouwillbeabletoanticipatemostquestions,particularlywhenyou’vespenttimeconsideringandunderstandingyouraudience’sneeds.

4.BehonestWhenyouwingit,youwaffle.Sowhenyoudon’tknowtheanswertoaquestion,behonestandstate‘I’mnotfullyawareofthefactsonthatparticulartopic.However,I’dbehappytogetbacktoyouwhenIdoknowtheanswer.’Thenquicklymoveontothenextquestion.Therealityisyoumightnotknowtheanswertoeveryquestion–soadmitthefact.Dealwiththesituationconfidentlyandquickly.Don’tlabourthepoint,don’tshineaspotlightonyourignorance.

Acknowledgeyoudon’tknow,offertofollowupandthenmoveon.

Here’showIhandlednotknowingananswertoaquestion.

InmytalksIrefertoanexperimentcommonlyknownas‘Pavlov’sdogexperiment’.It’sanexampleofhow,inthiscase,adogcanbeconditionedtorespondtoacertainstimulus.ThepointI’mseekingtomakeisthatequally,ashumans,wecanbeconditionedtorespondtosituationsandstimuliinaparticularway.Oneaudiencememberinterruptedbyasking:‘Whatbreedofdogwasit?’Perhapsthiswascrucialtotheirunderstandingoftheexperiment,Idon’tknow–althoughIsuspectnot.Myreplywastothepoint:

‘That’safascinatingquestionthatIhaven’tbeenaskedbefore.Inallhonesty,I’mnotsureofthebreedofdog.SoI’llGoogleitandgetbacktoyou.Thanksforasking.’

5.HowtoovercomenoquestionsbeingaskedApartfrombeingaskedaquestionyoudon’tknowtheanswerto,anotherawkwardmomentcanoccurwhenquestionsareinvitedandyou’regreetedwithdeathlysilence.Andasyoucontinuetostandinthestillness,amixtureofemotionsmaybefelt.Possiblyyou’refeelingasenseofrelief,particularlyifyouweren’tlookingforwardtothispartofthepresentation.Noquestionsmeansyoucanendyourtalkandthere’snounexpectedcurveballquestionheadingyourway.Evenso,suchanendingcertainlydoesn’tleaveyouoryouraudienceonahigh.It’salsoamissedopportunitytoclarifyorreinforcesomeofthepointsyou’vemade.

Butwhatifyouwerehopingforquestionsanddidn’tgetany?What’sthatasignof?Youraudienceissickofthesightofyou?Maybetheysenseyourdiscomfortinspeakingandsimplywanttospareyouanyfurthermiserybynotprolongingyouragony.Orperhapstheyweretheonesinagony,sufferingfromaboringpresentationandaredesperateforsomepainreliefintheformofacoffeebreakorhearingfromthenextspeaker.Perhapsthesilenceisbornoutofareallackofinterestinwhatyouweretalkingabout.Yourmessagemayhavelackedrelevanceand,asyou’dexpect,nooneiskeentoknowmoreaboutsomethingtheyhavenointerestin.

Thedealis:

Nooneeversaid‘Thisseemsreallydull,boring,andirrelevanttomylife.Dotellmemore.’

Ofcoursetheoppositecouldalsoexplainwhytherearenoquestions.You’vedonesuchabrilliantjobcoveringyourtopicandaddressingallthekeypointsthatpeoplegenuinelydon’thaveanyquestions.Thefactremainsthat,whateverthereason,noquestionsattheendofyourtalkcancreateafeelingoftensionandpossibleanti-climax.

Sowhatdoyoudo?

It’ssimple.Sosimple,infact,andsoobvious(whicheverythingisinhindsight,remember?)thatyou’llbestaggeredmorepeopledon’tadopt

thisapproach.Here’swhatyoudo.

Youaskthefirstquestions.Yup,that’sright.Ifyouraudiencedoesn’thaveaquestionthenyouaskyourselfthefirstquestion.Here’swhatyoudo–ortobemoreprecise,here’swhatyousayanddo:

‘I’venowgotfiveminutesforquestions.Whohasthefirstquestion?’

Pause.Lookaroundtheaudienceandmakeeyecontact.Somepeoplearealittleself-consciousaboutspeakingoutinfrontofothers.Makingeyecontactandsmilingismorelikelytoencouragethem.However,ifthereseemstobenosignofanyoneaskingaquestion,saythis:

‘AquestionI’moftenaskedisthis…’

Andthenproceedtorevealthequestion.Itbreaksthesilence,makesyouappearincontrol,andovercomestheawkward‘Who’sgoingtobethefirstpersontoaskaquestion’moment.Trustme,ifyoudothisthenonceyou’vefinishedansweringyourownquestionpeoplewillfeelmorecomfortableaskingtheirown.Believeme.Itworks.

PauseforThought

Doyoueverincludequestionsaspartofyourpresentation?Ifso,howdoyoucurrentlyprepareforthem?CanyourelateatalltohowTonyBlairfeltaboutdealingwithquestions,ordoyoufeelmoreconfident?Ifyoudon’tcurrentlyincludeatimeforquestionsinyourcommunicationwithothers,wouldtherebeabenefittodoingso?

MyOneThingYourabilitytodealwithquestionsiscrucialwhenitcomestocommunicatingwithothers.Itreallycanbeyourchancetoshineandestablishyourcredibility–ifyouhandleitwell.Ifyoudon’tuseallthestrategiescoveredinthischapter,chooseoneyouwillincludein

future.Here’sareminder:

1. Communicatewhenquestionscanbeasked.

2. Statehowlongyouhaveforquestions.

3. Anticipatetoughquestions.

4. Behonest.

5. Bepreparedwhentherearenoquestions.

PART3:

QUESTION1:

Icouldkeepmyanswertothisquestionveryshort.

No.Noit’snotpossibletofullygetridofyournerves.ButyoumaybesurprisedtohearthatI’mnotactuallysureyouwantto.

Here’sthedeal:

Thekeyistolearnhowtohandleyournerves,notbestrangledbythem.

SevenwaystomanageyournervesOneofmydelegatessaidtomerecently:‘I’mOKspeakingtopeopleifIhaveapintinmyhand.’Wellthatmightcalmhisnerves,buthereareseveninsightsandtipsthatwillhelpyoumanageyournerves…particularlywhendrinkingapintisnotanoption.

1.RemembernervesarenormalThisisespeciallythecaseifyoudon’tpresentregularlyorifyou’representingatopicforthefirsttimetopeopleyou’rekeentoimpress.Yousee,wehumansliketofeelincontrol,sogoingintoasituationthatiseitherneworunfamiliartouswillinevitablycausealittletension.

That’stheprimitivepartofourbrainjustdoingitsjob.

It’skeepingyouonourtoesandalerttothepotentialchallengesofanewsituation.Itsreleaseofadrenalinandcortisolisitswayofpreparingyou.Andit’sthesehormones,whenreleasedintoyoursystem,thatcauseyoutofeelnervousandexperiencefeelingsoftendescribedas‘butterfliesinyourstomach’.

Now,ratherthanfightsuchfeelings,it’sprobablybesttoacceptthey’renormal.It’syourbody’snaturalresponsetothesituationit’sfacedwith.AstheauthorRobBellsays,‘Makefriendswiththebutterflies’.Ilovethatphrase.

Thedealis:

Nervesareanindicationthatyou’reengagingwithlife.Embracethem.Don’tfightthem.

Buttheword‘nerves’hassomuchnegativebaggageattachedtoit.Sohere’sanidea.What’shappeningwhenyou’renervousisthatadrenalinisbeingpumpedaroundyourbody–soperhapsusetheword‘adrenalized’todescribehowyou’refeelingratherthan‘nervous’.Thiswordhasmorepositiveconnotationsattachedtoit.Yes,youmaystillfeelnervous,butyou’reusingamoreempoweringwordtodescribeyourfeelings,andthatinitselfcanhelpincreaseyourconfidence.

2.ManageyourmoviesThebrainisanincrediblepieceofhardware.However,beawarethatitcannottellthedifferencebetweenarealorvividlyimaginedevent.So,ifyouimaginethingsgoingwronginyourmindbeforethepresentation,yourbrainwillrespondasifthescenarioisactuallytakingplace–aconditionsometimesreferredtoasanticipatorystress.

Again,letmeemphasizethatthisisanormalresponse.However,here’sthegoodnews.

Youcaninfluencetheintensityandvividnessofthemovieinyourmind.

The3Dtechnicolourversionofthingsgoingwrongisdefinitelynothelpful.Ifyou’retemptedtofuturizethepresentationgoingbadlyinyourmind,howaboutimaginingitinafuzzyorblurredfocusandinblackandwhite?Orevenbetterstill,imaginethepresentationgoingwell.Apositiveprojectionofyourfutureeventcouldactuallyresultinyoufeelingcalmer.AtechniqueI’veusedwhenIfindmymindrunningawaywithitselfandcreatingitsownpersonaldisastermovieistorememberthis:you’rethedirectorofthemoviesinyourmind.

Andyoucanalwaysshout‘Cut!’.

3.FocusonyouraudienceOurnervescanbeperpetuatedduetothefactthatourunderlyingquestionmaywellbe‘Whatdopeoplethinkofme?’Ifthat’sthecase,ourenergyisbeingfocusedinwardly,andthiscanincreaseourfeelingsofanxiety.Amoreeffectivequestionthatwilldivertourenergyandattentionoutwardlywouldbe‘HowcanIbesthelpmyaudience?’Yourbraincanonlyholdonethoughtatatime.Sowhenit’soccupiedthinkingaboutthisquestion,there’slessopportunityforworryingandfeelinganxious.(Youmayrememberwe’veexploredthisideapreviously.)

4.BepreparedOK,sothatjustwonthisyear’sawardfortheworld’smostobviouspieceofadvice.Butwithoutpreparationandusingmanyoftheideasoutlinedinthisbook,you’dhavearighttofeelnervous.Andifthetalkyou’remakingisimportant,andforwhateverreasonyou’venotputthetimein

toprepare,thenit’sunderstandablethatyournervesareincreasing.Oneapproachsomepeopleadoptistoconvincethemselvesthatwhatthey’redoingisnobigdealandthatthey’lljustbeabletowingit.Thismayrelaxyou,butitdoesverylittletoprepareyoumentallytogiveyourbest.Soincreaseyourpreparation(whichincludespractisingitoutloud)anddecreaseyournerves.

5.HaveacontingencyplanNervescanstemfromthefactthatyou’reconcernedthingsmaygowrong.Wellguesswhat?Therewillbeoccasionswhentheydo.Ratherthanhopethisneverhappens,anticipateitinstead.Technologyproblems?Haveabackup.Forinstance,it’swisetoanticipate,asIdidrecently,whatyouwoulddowithoutbeingabletoshowslides.Ifyou’retravellingtogiveyourtalk,expecttrafficdelaysanddifficultyparking.

Thisisnotbeingnegative.It’sbeingprepared.

Havingabackupplanandpreparingfortheworstmeansyou’rereducing(youcanneverfullyeliminate)potentialsurprises.

6.GetperspectiveInyoureyes,thismayindeedbeanimportantpresentation.Anewjoborpromotionmayberidingonit.Ifthingsdon’tgowell,apossibleworstcasescenarioisthatyoumightlookorfeelalittlestupid.Ifthathappens,dothis.

Takeamomenttolookatyourselfinthemirror.Guesswhat?You’restillalive.Isitpossiblethatsometimeinhumanhistorysomeonefeltevenworsethanyourightnow?Andifyouhavemessedup,isitpossiblethatsomeonehasmessedupevenmore?

Now,doesthismakeyouinstantlyfeelawholelotbetter?Probablynot,butitisplantingtheseedtoseewhathappenedtoyouinperspective.Inmanywaysweneedtogetoverourselves.Theuniversedoesnotrevolvearoundus.Alleyesintheroommayatsomestagehavebeenfocusedonus,butthey’renotanymore.Othereventswillquicklyoccupypeople’sminds.

Yes,itmaybeabigdeal.Butit’sneverasbigadealasyouthink.

Atthe2015MissUniversecompetitionthehostSteveHarveyannounced

thewrongwinner.Canyoubelievethat?Thewrongcontestantwascrowned.Steve’sanexperiencedcompere,butheannouncedMissColombiaasthewinnerratherthantheactualwinner,MissPhilippines.Now,willheberememberedforsuchagaffe?Absolutely.Willhenowfaceafiringsquad?Unlikely.Willhehavefeltawfulaboutitintheweeksafterithappened?Probably.Afterall,he’saprofessionalwhocaresdeeplyaboutwhathedidandtheimpacthe’smade.

Buthavingtakenresponsibility,apologizedandcorrectedhismistake,Ibelievehewillonedaybeabletolookbackatthewholeeventandsmile.Andifhewastoaskhimself‘WhatcanIfindthat’spositiveinthissituation?’Ireckonhe’dcomeupwithlots.WithoutsuchamistakeIwouldnotevenhaveknownthecompetitionhadtakenplace(mealongwithseveralmillionotherpeople,infact).I’dcertainlyneverheardofSteveHarveybeforethis,butbecauseofthismistakehe’snowachievedafarhigherprofile.

Whateveryou’reabouttodo,intermsofapresentationorjobinterview,getperspective.Onascaleof1–10where10equalsdeath,whereisitreally?

7.SlowyourbreathingWhenwe’reanxiousourbreathingisoftenfastandshallow,whichincreasesourheartrateandfurtherfuelsournerves.Soweneedtotakecontrolofourbreathing.Thinkaboutit.Haveyoueverseenastressedoutyogateacher?

Exactly.That’smypoint.

Butyoudon’thavetoadoptthelotuspositionjustbeforeyouspeakinordertocalmyournerves.Simplydothefollowing.Inhalenormallyandexhaleslowly.Maybeevenfollowtheadviceof‘takeadeepbreath’(butdon’tholditfortoolong).Thekeythoughisintheexhaling.Thereleaseofyourbreath.Takeitniceandslowlyandasyoudoyou’llnoticeyourheartratebeginstoslowdowntoo.Andyoubegintorelax.

Here’safinalthoughtwhenitcomestomanagingyournerves.Youmaywellbeexperiencingwhatpsychologistscalltheillusionoftransparency.Thisoccurswhenyouhaveanexaggeratedsenseofhowobviousyournervesaretoyouraudience.Infact,yournervesarerarelyasevidenttoyouraudienceasyoumightthink.Icallitthe‘calmducksyndrome’–

admittedlynotthemostsophisticatedofintellectualterms,butitmakesthepoint.Likeyou,theduckappearscalmonthesurface,butunderneathit’spaddlinglikecrazy.Sorelax…it’sveryunlikelythatyouraudiencewillappreciatehownervousyou’reactuallyfeeling.

PauseforThought

Arenervesanissueforyouatallwhenitcomestocommunicatingwithothers?Ifso,inwhichspecificsituations?

Ifnervesaresomethingyousufferfrom,Iwouldsuggestyoureadthischapteragain.It’ssoeasytoracethroughsomethinghopingyou’llcomeacrossthemagicpillthatwillimmediatelyalleviateallyouranxiety.Suchapillmayexist,butit’sunlikelytobelegal,andbeingtoorelaxedcanactuallyundermineyourperformance.Somakesureyoudigestwhat’sbeenexploredinthepreviouspages.Ifnervesaren’tmuchanissueforyou,thenwhodoyouknowwhowouldbenefitfromtheideasandinsightswe’vebeenexploring?

MyOneThingInthischapterweexploredsevenwaystomoreeffectivelymanageyournerves.Decidewhichoneyouwillfocusoninparticulartoensureyouhandle,andarenotstrangledby,nerves.

1. Remembernervesarenormal.

2. Manageyourmovies.

3. Focusonyouraudience.

4. Beprepared.

5. Haveacontingencyplan.

6. Getperspective.

7. Slowyourbreathing.

Question2:

I’mconvincedhumourcanbeappropriate–andinsomecasesdesperatelyneeded–whencommunicatingwithothers.Itcanactuallybethevitalingredientthatresultsinyouraudiencebothrememberingandengagingwithyou.Butbecareful.Whenit’sinappropriateordeliveredbadlyitcanleadtoyoubeingrememberedforallthewrongreasons.

Inmyexperienceoflisteningtohundredsofpresentations,it’shardtorememberonethatwouldn’thavebenefitedfromatleastasmallinjectionofhumour.Althoughtobefair,I’veneverbeenpresentwhenmanagementareannouncingstaffredundanciesorsomeotherbadnews–inwhichcasehumourwouldbehighlyinappropriateandevenoffensive.

Butwhycanitbesohelpful?Well,let’sexploresomereasons.

Ataverybasiclevel,whensomeonemeetsyoutheirunderlyingquestionisthis:friendorfoe?Thebrainismakinginstantsnapjudgementsaboutpeoplefromthemomentyoulayeyesonthem.Andinterestingly(andyou’veprobablyneverthoughtaboutthisbefore),onethingthey’llnoticeisyourteeth.

Really?Comeon,Ihearyousay,isthismyratherweakattemptathumour?Wellactually,it’snot.Butletmeputitanotherway.Peoplewillnoticeyourfacialfeatures,especiallywhetheryousmileornot.Yousee,whenwegreetstrangersweoftensmileateachother,whichisahabitsomeexpertssuggestwelearntfromourprimitiveancestors,whowerebasicallysayingwhentheysmiled,‘Icomeinpeace,Ihavenointentionoftakingyourfamilyasslaves,orboilingyoualiveingoat’smilk.Notonthisoccasionanyway.’Whichiswellworthrememberingnexttimesomeonesmilesatyou.

So,whenyouusehumourthatresultsinsomepeoplelaughing,metaphoricallyspeaking,notonlyaretheyopeningtheirmouths(andshowingtheirteeth),butthey’realsoopeningtheirminds.Yousee,humourcausespeopletobemorerelaxed.Whenapersonlaughsitreleasesendorphinsinthebrain–feel-goodchemicals.Andwhenthey’rerelaxedtheyfeellessthreatenedandthereforemorereceptivetoyourmessage.AstheAmericancomedianChrisBlisssays:

Laughterturnswallsintowindows.

It’sanincrediblypowerfulwaytoputpeopleatease,andisoneofthequickestwaysofgettingpeopletolikeyou.Whichisexactlywhatyou’rehopingtoachieveifyouwanttospeaksothatpeoplereallylisten.

Here’sthedeal:

Humourcanreleasetension,createaconnectionandcausepeopletobecomemorereceptivetoyou.

AstheauthorKenRobinsonsays:‘Ifthey’relaughingthey’relistening.’Great.That’swonderfultohearifyou’reanaturallyhumorouspersonwhoseemstopossessthegiftofmakingotherslaugh.Butwhatifyoudon’t?Whatthen?Isitpossibletobefunny,evenwhenyou’renot?

Ibelieveitis.

Youmightnotenduptakingyourownone-personcomedyshowontour,butIbelieveitispossibletoinjecthumourintoyourcommunication.Beforewelookathowyoucandoit,here’ssomethingtobeawareof.

Rememberthechapter‘Getyourattitudeintogear’?Thewholepremiseofthatchapterwastheimportanceandimpactofyourattitude.Inotherwords,openyourmindbeforeopeningyourmouth.Butifyoucurrentlyhavethemindset‘I’mnotfunnyandIneverwillbe’,thenletmereassureyou–you’reright.

Ifyourattitudetoyouraudienceis‘they’reamiserablebunch,theyneverlaughatanything’thenagain,I’dsuggestyou’reright.Andifyourthoughtsonthetopicyou’retalkingaboutare‘thishastobethedriest,dullesttopiconplanetearth’thenitwillbe.

Getmypoint?Youhavetopushthedoortoyourmindslightlyajarinordertobelieveit’spossibletoinjectatleastalittlehumourintoyourmessage.AndnoticeIsaid‘humour’andnot‘telljokes’.I’mknownforusinghumourinmytalks.Infact,Ilovemakingpeoplelaugh.ButI’mlousyattellingjokes.Infact,worsethanlousy.

Askmykids.

Ihavethecapacitynotonlytoruinapunchlinebutalsotoforgetitentirely.Soguesswhat?Idon’ttelljokes–andmyadvicetoyouisthatunlessyou’reextremelytalentedatdoingso,andarealmostcertainyouraudiencewilllaugh,thenyoushouldn’teither.There’sanarttotellingjokesthatisactuallyharderthanitseems.

So,ifjokesareofftheagendainmostcases,whatcouldyoudo?Herearesomeoptions.

1.TellamusingstoriesYes,we’rebacktothelessonsfromJC,JoandtheGreekguy.Mostpeoplewillattimesexperiencesomethingfunnyintheirday-to-daylives.Ifyou’dtellittofriendsoverdinner,ortocolleaguesinthecanteen,then

it’sgotthepotentialtobeusedinyourpresentation.Providing,thatis,itmeetsthefollowingcriteria:

Whenyoutoldthestory,didthepeopleyoutoldittoenjoyit,oratleastsmile?

Wouldthisstorynotonlybeamusingbutalsorelevanttoyourmessage?

Thinkingaboutthepeopleyou’representingto,areyoucomfortabletellingthemthisstory?Aretheyeasilyoffended?

Ifyou’representingtostrangers,perhapsuseastoryyou’reconfidentmostpeoplewillfindamusing,recognizingthepotentiallydiversemixofpeopleyou’respeakingto.Yourstoryaboutwhathappenedontherugbytouroryourfriend’shenpartymaybeonetokeepforaselectaudience,whiletheoneaboutwhathappenedtoyouwhenyouwentshoppingwithyourfamily,oraneventthathappenedatwork,mayhavebroaderappeal.Infact,I’dencourageyoutomakeanoteofwhenamusingthingshappentoyou–youneverknowwhenyoumightwanttousethem.

Forinstance,ItellastoryaboutmanagingthirtywomenwhenIworkedforafoodproductioncompany.Thewomenwereontheproductionlinemakingeconomybeefburgers.

Itellmyaudience:‘Ilearnttwomajorlessonsfromthatexperience.Numberone.Don’teateconomybeefburgers.’Ithenpauseandwaitforareaction–asIwanttogivethemtimetoprocesswhatI’vesaid.Itdoesn’tbringthehousedown,butitdoesgetafewlaughs.Goingbacktomyearlierpoint,Istarttonoticesomepeople’steeth–they’resmiling.NowI’vedeliveredthislineoftenenoughtobeabletogaugebytheresponsewhatkindofaudienceI’vegot.TherehasbeentheveryrareoccasionwhereI’vefailedtoevengainasmalltitter.Butthat’sOK,thoughitcanbealittleunnerving.ThepointisI’venotsetthisupasajoke;I’mjustincludingitaspartofmybackgroundaboutmyself.Theirsilencedoesn’tsignaltheendforme,butitmightsignalthatIneedtobecarefulhowIusehumourduringtherestofmypresentationwiththatparticularaudience.

Oh,andifyouwanttoknowwhichstoriesarethebestintermsofhumour,they’reusuallytheonestoldatyourexpense.WhenAndyMurray,theBritishtennisplayer,wontheBBCSportsPersonalityoftheYearawardin2015hetoldthefollowinganecdoteinhisacceptance

speech.

HerecalledhearingsomeonesaythatspendingtimewithAndyMurray(ifyou’renotfromtheUKhehasareputationinsomepeople’seyesofbeingadourScot)wouldbelikespendingaweekendinWorthing.Andy’sreplytothisrathersnideputdownwas:‘Tobefair,IthinkthatabitharshonWorthing.’Thisisaperfectexampleofusinghumourathisownexpense.Bymakinghimselfthebuttofthejokenotonlydoestheaudiencerelax,buthealsoappearsmorelikeable.

Sostoriesareonewaytoinjecthumour.Whataboutsomeothers?

2.VideoclipsandamusingpicturesYoucouldshowanamusingpictureoravideoclip.Makesuretheclipisn’ttoolong(definitelynolongerthantwominutes)andthatifyouincludeanytextonthepictureit’slargeandboldenoughtobereadbyeverybody.Ashumourcanbesubjective,ifyou’reshowingavideorememberit’ssafertointroducetheclipinalow-keywayratherthansaying‘whatyou’reabouttoseeishilarious’.Itmightbe,butifit’snot,you’vecreatedanawkwardmoment.It’syouraudiencewhowilldeterminewhetherit’shilariousornot,soit’sbettertoundersellratherthanoverselltheimpactofwhatthey’reabouttosee.

3.UsequotesQuotescanbeashortandsimplewayofinjectinghumourintoyourmessage.OneIregularlyuseisn’tevenintendedtobeparticularlyfunny,butsomepeoplefindthevisualimageryamusing.‘Ifyou’reridingadeadhorse,dismount.’

Nowthereareliterallythousandsofhumorousquotestobefoundonline.Personally,onthelaughterscalesomerankhigherthanothers,andrememberhumourcanbeverysubjective.Butatleastbyusingthemyoucanlightentheatmosphereanddefusesomeoftheseriousnessthatsooftenpervadespresentations.Herearesomeexamples,mostofwhichwillneedsomeintroductionorputtingintocontext.Althoughtheycouldbedeliveredverbally,theymayworkbetterbeingshownonaslide:

‘Ifquittersneverwinandwinnersneverquit,thenwhowasthefoolwhosaid“quitwhileyou’reahead”?’

‘Iwouldn’tmindchangeifeverythingwasn’tsodifferentafterwards.’

‘Whenlifeshutsadoor…openitagain.It’sadoor.That’showtheywork.’

OK,thisisabitofarandomone,butitbroughtasmiletomyface:

‘Idreamofabetterworldwherechickenscancrosstheroadwithouthavingtheirmotivesquestioned.’

Thisalsomademesmile:

‘Thedifferencebetweenstupidityandgeniusisthatgeniushasitslimits.’–AlbertEinstein

Thisnextoneisidealifyouwanttotalkaboutcommunicationandtheartoflistening:

‘Oh,I’msorry…didthemiddleofmysentenceinterruptthebeginningofyours?’

Orifyouhaveapresentationthat’sfulloffactsandfigures,youcanalwayssay‘I’malittleconcernedaboutthisnextquote…’

‘Getyourfactsfirst,thenyoudistortthemasyouplease.’

Orifyou’reintroducingtheimportanceofteamworkyoucanshowaquoteandsay‘Isuggestyoudon’tsubscribetothefollowingpieceofadvice…’

‘Ifsomeonesays“Expecttheunexpected”,slaptheminthefaceandsay“Youweren’texpectingthatwereyou?”’

Trustme,thechoiceofquotestouseisendless.Remember,noteveryonewillfindthemfunny,andthat’sOK.Yourgoalistotryandinjectsomehumour–you’renotauditioningforyourowntelevisioncomedyseries.

Whatifyousaysomethingyouthinkisamusingandthere’sabsolutelynoresponse?OK,beprepared.Sometimesyourattemptsathumourmightnotproduceevenatitterorapolitefakesmile.I’dliketosaythat’sneverhappenedtome.Butithas.FortunatelyI’mprepared,andinterestinglyenoughmyreactiontonotgettingalaughusuallygeneratesalaugh.HerearesomephrasesI’veusedwhenmyhumourhasbeenmetbydeathlysilence:

‘Thatwasn’tmeanttobefunny,andclearlyjudgingbytheresponseitwasn’t.’

‘Thatwasdesignedtogetasilentlaugh…Anditseemstohaveworked.’

‘Thatwasanattemptathumourforthoseofyouwhowerewondering.’

‘Thatworkedbetterinrehearsal.’

Fortunately,Irarelyhavetousethem,butit’shelpfultohavesomeresponsesreadyjustincase.Ifyouhadtochooseoneyou’duse,whichwoulditbe?Andifyoucanthinkofanyofyourownoryou’veheardothersused,pleaseletmeknow(mydetailsareatthebackofthebook).

AsI’vesaidbefore,humourisverysubjective.Andsomepeoplemightbelikeme–theyfindthingsfunny,butyoucan’talwaystellfromtheirface.

Seriously,Idooftenlaugh.Butinternally.

However,Ihavearelativewhoisthecompleteopposite.Boydotheyshowtheirteeth,andit’softenaccompaniedbyanoisethatalargegatheringofhyenaswouldbeproudof.I’dlovetorevealwhoitis,butforthesakeoffamilyharmonyandmyfuturesurvivalIbetternot.(They’dprobablykillme.)

Inwrappingupthissectionontheuseofhumour,it’sworthreflectingonthefollowing.Makingapresentationorgivingatalkislikepreparingamealforsomeone.First,knowyouraudience.It’snouseservinganIndianmealtosomeonewhohatesspicyfood.Andevenifyougetthedishright(i.e.youtailoryourmessagetoyouraudience),you’vestillgottothinkabouttheingredientsyouuse.Humourislikeoneofthoseingredients.Usedintherightamountsitcanmakeapresentation–butjustlikeaddingcertainspicestoameal,theadvice‘usesparingly’willattimesbeworthfollowing.Andifyou’reunsureaboutusinghumour,thefollowingisworthheeding:

Whenuncertain,pullthecurtain.

Inotherwords…ifindoubt,leaveitout.

PauseforThought

Behonest,couldyoueverbeaccusedofbeingtooserious?Intermsofyourcommunication,doyoueverusehumour?Ifnot,what’sstoppingyou?Considersomeofthecontextsinwhichyoucommunicatewithothers–arethereoccasionswhenaninjectionofhumourwouldbebeneficial?Andifso,why?Perhapsit’stimetobringyourhumourintotheworkplacealittlemoreoften–particularlywhenpeopleareunderalotofpressureandsomelightreliefmightbewelcomed.Whatdoyoureckon?

MyOneThingSohumourcouldbeagreatwaytomakeyourmessagememorableandengaging.Weexploredwaysyoucoulddothat:

Tellamusingstories.

Showvideoclipsandamusingpictures.

Usequotes.

Whichoneoftheabovestrategieswillyouusetohelpyoucommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact?

QUESTION3:

Thetemptationwhenwelookattheissueofbodylanguageistofocussolelyontheobvious,butsometimessuperficial,pointslike‘whattodowithyourhands’and‘makesureyoumaintaingoodeyecontact’.Now,

althougheyecontactandtheuseofhandscanbeimportant,I’dliketostartbyreturningtosomedeeperandmoreimportantaspectsofourcommunication.

We’vealreadyreferredpreviouslytothechapter‘Getyourattitudeintogear’,butI’dliketodosoagain.Therealityisthatyourattitudetowardsyourtopic,audienceandyourselfwillimpactyourbodylanguage–probablyfarmorethanyourealize.

Here’sthedeal.Inordertocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact,it’svitallyimportantthatweunderstandtheconnectionbetweenourmindsandourbodies.They’reactuallyinextricablylinked,andengageandinteractwitheachotherinwaysmanyofusareunawareof.Unfortunately,toomanybookshavetreatedbodylanguageasasoleentity,asifitexistsinisolation,separatetowhat’sgoingoninsideyourhead.Inmyopinion,thisapproachisratherunhelpful.

Let’sseewhy.

Picturethescene.You’reinacafewithfriends,relaxingandjoking.Yourecountaninterestingandamusingeventthathappenedatworkthatweek.Nowholdthatpicturethere.Atthatprecisemomentintime,howconsciousareyouofyourbodylanguage?Probablynotatall.Yousee,atthatmomentyou’refeelingrelaxed,areamongfriendsandhavesomethingyouwanttosay.Andwithoutanycoachingoradvicefromabodylanguageguru,theoddsareyou’llbeprojectingarelaxedandconfidentimage.Agree?

Yourbodylanguagehasasmuchtodowithwhat’sgoingoninyourheadandhowyou’refeelingasitdoeswithyourbody.

Inordertoaddresstheissueofyourbodylanguage,youalsohavetoaddresstheissueofyourmindset.

Forinstance,ifyou’respeakingataneventandyoudon’twanttobethere,feelunderpressureandwanttofinishasquicklyaspossible,thatwillbereflectedinyourbodylanguage.Obvious,eh?

Buthere’ssomethingIfindreallyfascinating.

Yourbodylanguagedoesn’tjustsendamessagetoyouraudience.Italsosendsamessagetoyourself.

Confused?Letmeexplain.

WilliamJames,oftendubbedthefatherofmodernpsychology,arguedthathowyoucarryyourself,yourposture,yourbreathingandyourfacialexpressions,areallaffectedbythewayyouthink,feelandbehave.Inotherwords,hewaschampioningthewholemind–bodyconnection.NowJamesleftthisplanetoverahundredyearsago,butit’sthemorerecentworkofsocialpsychologistandassociateprofessoratHarvardUniversity,AmyCuddy,thathasbroughtJames’sinsightsrightintothe21stcenturyandunderpinneditwithscientificresearch.

Onceyou’vefinishedthisbook,pleasedoyourselfafavourandvisitthewebsiteTED.com.ThentypethenameAmyCuddyintothesearchbarandwatchhertalk‘Yourbodylanguageshapeswhoyouare’.You’llfinditanincrediblyvaluabletwenty-twominutesofyourtime.Inthatvideo,Cuddymakesanumberofimportantpoints–asshedoesinherbookPresence:BringingYourBoldestSelfToYourBiggestChallenge.Sopleasemakesureyoumakeanotetowatchit.

Towhetyourappetite,letmedistilsomeofherinsightsforyou,becausewhatshehastosaywillproveinvaluabletoyouinbecomingamoreconfidentcommunicator.

Oneofherkeymessagesissimplythis.Whenweactwithconfidencewefeelmoreconfident.Interestingly,Cuddy’sresearchrevealedthatyourphysiology,particularlyyourposture,affectshowyoufeel.WilliamJamesarticulateditanotherway.‘Idon’tsingbecauseI’mhappy,I’mhappybecauseIsing.’

Inanutshell,confidenceisaffectedbybothyourmindsetandyourbodylanguage.Assimpleasitsounds,ifyouwanttofeelmoreconfident,actmoreconfident.

Yousee,it’sjustpossiblethatyoufollowallthosetipsIoutlinedinthechapteronhowtodealwithyournervesandyetyoustillfeelyou’restrugglingtomanagethem.Whatcouldultimatelymakethedifferencetohowyou’refeelingissimplyactingandbehavinginaconfidentmanner.Now,don’trelysolelyonthisapproachtotheomissionofalltheotherideasIhaveoutlined–butincorporateitalongsidethem.

InmybookSelf-Confidence,Ihighlightthatlifeisaboutlearningtolivewithadegreeofself-doubt–butseeingitasyourcompanionratherthanyourmaster.Inotherwords,makesureit’sinthebackseatofthecar,not

thedriver’sseat.Ifyoudon’t,andyouallowyourself-doubttodominate,youstrangleyourownvoice.Youcanliterallyshrink,fromaphysicalperspective.Andpeoplewholackconfidenceor,asCuddydescribesit,asenseofpower,literallymakethemselvessmaller.Theystandlesstall.Theyslouch.Theylowertheirgazeandavoideyecontact.Theysendthemessagetotheiraudience‘Idon’twanttobehere’.AndCuddy’spointisthatthey’realsosendingthesamemessagetothemselves,thereforefurtherunderminingtheirconfidence.

Sowhatdoweneedtodo?

Actconfident.

Soundssimpleenough,butinrealitywhatdoesthatmean?

Itmeansfollowingyourparents’adviceandalsorememberinghowsoldiersstandonparade.Standupstraight.Chinup.Shouldersback.Legsapart.Notonlydoyoulookmoreconfident(andthinkaboutit,thelastthingasoldierwantstodoislookscared,eveniftheyare),butCuddy’spointisthatyou’llbegintofeelmoreconfidenttoo.

Whenyoulookattheanimalkingdom,frompeacocksthroughtochimpanzees,iftheywanttodemonstrateasignofpowertheymakethemselvesphysicallybigger.Amyarguesweshoulddothesame.Notinordertoappeardominant–buttoappearconfident.Believeme,peoplewanttotrustyou,andthat’sreallydifficulttodowhenyourbodylanguageconveysthatyoudon’tappeartotrustyourself.TheHughGrantbumbling,slightlyhesitantfilmcharactercanbeendearingtoadegree,butwouldyoureallywanttoseehisbehaviourbeingconsistentlydisplayedbysomeone?

So,returningtothemind–bodyconnection,thinkoftheirrelationshipasbeingliketwoballroomdancers.Byallowingyourbodytobetheleadpartner,yourfeelingswill,accordingtotheresearchCuddyoutlined,automaticallyfollow.Ortoputitanotherway:

Rightfeelingsfollowrightactions.

Tohelpyouactandbehaveinamoreconfidentway,thinkaboutyouranswerstothefollowingquestions:

Howwouldapersonwhowasfeelingconfidentactinyoursituation?

Howwouldtheysound?

Wherewouldtheylook?(I’llgiveyouaclue–notattheground.)

Whatmessagewouldtheyportraywiththeirfacialfeatures?(Asmileperhaps?)

Iftheywereshakinghands,howwouldtheydothat?

Nowremember,thisisatwo-prongedapproachtoprojectingconfidence.Mindsetandbehaviour.Andyourgoalistoappearconfident,notintimidating.Soexcessiveeyecontactisano-no.It’seitherinterpretedasflirtingoranarrogantattempttotryanddominatesomeone.

Also,besensitivetothecultureofyouraudience.I’musuallysensitivetohowmybodylanguagecanbeinterpreteddifferentlyinsomecountries,butmistakescanstillbemade.IhavetoconfessthatmyaudienceinIranweremorethangraciousintheiracceptanceofmythumbsupsign,whichIwasinformedlaterwastheequivalentofshowingaWesternaudiencemymiddlefinger.Still,Ididitwithasmile.

Nowit’snotjustbodylanguagethat’simportanttoconsiderwhenexploringtheimpactofnon-verbalcommunication.

Beawarealsoofthemessagesyousendbytheclothesyou’rewearing(orperhapsnotwearing).

Here’sthedeal:

Firstimpressionsmaybesuperficial,butthey’restillsignificant.

Ifindoubt,I’dratheroverdressthanunderdresswhenI’mspeaking;butwhateverI’mwearing,I’mconsciousthatI’mcommunicatingamessagetomyaudience.Now,Irecognizewhatyouwearisamatteroftaste,buttaketimetoconsiderwhatmessageyou’dlikeyourclothestocommunicatetoyouraudience,andalsothinkabouthowyoufeelwearingthem.

If,forwhateverreason,youdon’tfeelcomfortablewearingsomething,thendon’twearit.Trustme,ifyoudon’tfeelcomfortablethatwillaffectyourbodylanguageandhowyoucomeacrosstoothers.Also,bemoreawareofwhatotherpeoplewear,andaskyourself:‘WouldIlookgoodinthat?’Getfeedbackfromanhonestfriendaboutwhatyou’rewearing.Ifindoubt,sendaphotoofyourselftomymateDave.Hemightnotbeyourfriend,buthe’lldefinitelygiveyousomehonestfeedback.

InsummaryWhenitcomestobodylanguage,let’smovefromthetrivial–hescratchedhisnosenineteenminutesintohistalkwhichindicateshe’sprobablylying–tothesignificant.Let’sgraspthebiggerpicturehere–themind–bodyconnection.Andalthoughwemightneedtoactconfidentevenwhenwe’renotinitiallyfeelingit,yourgoalindoingsoisnottodeceiveothersbuttogiveyourselfthebestopportunitytoservethem.

Thatcomesfromasenseof‘I’mgladtobehere–I’vesomethingtosay’ratherthan‘Iapologiseformypresence–IknowI’mnotworthyofyourattention’.OK,I’mexaggeratingalittle,butyougetmypointdon’tyou?

Wanttocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact?Wanttospeaksopeoplereallylisten?Thenbepresentinthemoment(ratherthanwishingitwasover)andownyourspace.Don’tshrink.Expand.Smile.Andengageineyecontact.Rememberthatthroughyourbodylanguageyou’rehavingentireconversations–withoutsayingaword.Andthoseconversationsarenotjustwithyouraudience,butwithyourselftoo.Sobemoreawareofthoseconversations,andmakesurethey’reservingyourmessage,notstranglingit.

Oh,andonefinalpoint.Beawareofyouraudience’sbodylanguage.Ifthey’refrothingatthemouthorwalkingoutinlargenumbers,that’sprobablynotaverygoodsign.

PauseforThought

Howawareareyouoftheimpactyourbodylanguagehasonyouraudience?Howabouttheimpactithasonhowyou’refeeling?Intermsofwhatyouwear,howmuchattentiondoyougivethis?IwasoncetoldthatifI’msellingtoamanagingdirectorIshoulddresslikeamanagingdirector–whichisgreatadvice–ifthey’rethesamegenderasyou.Eitherway,isitpossibleyourwardrobeneedsanupgradeandyourbodylanguageneedsanuplift?

MyOneThingYousimplyhaveoneactiontotake.WatchthatTEDtalkbyAmyCuddy.

Sowhat'snextforyou?Well,we'vejustaboutfinishedourjourneytogether.Ihopeit'sbeenaworthwhiletripforyou.Here'saquickreminderofsomeoftheplaceswevisited,withtheaimofenablingyoutospeaksopeoplereallylisten.

Westartedbyuncovering‘TheSevenGreatSinsofSpeaking'.Here'saquickrecapofthem:

1. Afailuretomakeyourmessagestickyormemorable…somakesureyoucoveryourcontentinVelcro,ratherthancoatitinTeflon.

2. Drowningpeopleindetail…SLIMdownyourcontent.SayLess,ImpactMore.

3. Afailuretoconsiderorunderstandyouraudience'sneeds…sogettoknowyouraudience,notjustyourmessage.

4. Focusingonfeaturesratherthansellingbenefits…somakesureyouansweryouraudience'squestion:‘WhyshouldIcare?'

5. Wingingit…sobewarethedangersofcomplacency–andperhapsevenarrogance.

6. Showingslidesthatsuck…thelifeoutofyouraudience…sorememberyou'rethestaroftheshow–andasforyourslides,dotheyneedditchingordeveloping?

7. Takingpeopleonapointlessramble…somakesureyouanswerthequestion‘Sowhat'syourpoint?'

Themainpartofourjourneyfocusedon‘TheEightGreatWaystoSpeaksoPeopleReallyListen'.Let'sremindourselvesofsomeofthestopoffpointsandhighlightsofourtour.

1. Getreal…sobringyourpersonalitytoyourcommunication,andrememberthatconnectionwithyouraudienceiscrucial.

2. Getyourattitudeintogear…especiallyinrelationtoyourtopic,youraudience,andyourself.

3. Startattheend…andfocusonwhatyouwantpeopletoKnow,

Feel,andDo(KFD).

4. Sortoutyourskeletons…withoutstructureordirectionyourtalkwillfallapart.

5. Grab'embytheeyeballs…youneedtostartbygettingpeople'sattention–somakesurethey'reengagedwithinthefirstninetyseconds.

6. Becomeanartist…let'spaintpicturesandbemorevisualwithourwords,ourslides,andevenbyusingprops.

7. LearnlessonsfromJC,JoandtheGreekguy…startusingtheoldestandmosteffectivecommunicationtoolinhumanhistory–tellstories.

8. Shineatquestiontime…handlethemwellandyou'llenhanceyourcredibility–andaddimpacttoyourmessage.

Asyoureflectbackonthoseeightdestinations,wereanyofthemparticularhighlightsforyou?Perhaps,justasweliketoreminiscebylookingthrougholdphotos,itwouldbeworthwhilerevisitingandremindingyourselfofsomeofthekeyhighlightsofourjourneytogether–particularlythe‘MyOneThing'sectionattheendofeachchapter.

Finally,wespentsometimeexploring‘I'mGladYouAskedThat…':thethreequestionsI'moftenaskedaboutspeakingandpresenting.Theycoveredthefollowingareas.

1. Nerves…they'renormalandthere'splentyyoucandotohandlethem,notbestrangledbythem.Igaveyousevenstrategiestostartwith.

2. Humour…whenyoulightenup,youraudienceopenup…theirminds.

3. Bodylanguage…there'samind–bodyconnectionweneedtobeawareof,andrememberyourbodylanguagesendsamessagetoyourself–notjustyouraudience.

Sothereyouhaveit–ourtimetogetherisdrawingtoaclose.Whatwe'veexploredwasn'tmeanttobeapreciseprescriptiononhowtocommunicate,butratherasetofprinciplesandideastohelpyouspeaksopeoplereallylisten.Hopefullyyoubelieveyouhavesomethingworthwhiletosay–andwhatyou'vediscoveredinreadingthisbookwill

helpyoutosaythatwithgreaterconfidenceandconvictionfromnowon.

Beawarethathavingtheopportunitytospeakandpresenttoothersisbothaprivilegeandaresponsibility.Manypeopledon'trecognizeitassuch,andthereforefailtomaximizetheirinfluenceandimpactonothers.Sometimesthat'sduetoignorance,othertimesarrogance,andoccasionallyinsomepartsoftheworldbecausethey'reunabletoaccessthetoolsandideasrequiredtocommunicatemoreeffectively.

Ifyou'vereadthisfar,Isenseyou'renowawareofnotjustyourprivilegeandresponsibility,butalsotheopportunityyouhavewhenyouraiseyourgameasacommunicator.FromWinstonChurchilltoBarackObama,therearemanyexamplesofhowwordscanchangeanation.Youraspirationsmightnotbequitethesameasthoseguys,butneverdoubtthatyourwordscanprofoundlyimpactpeople'slives,whetherspokenprivatelyorpublically,orinyourpersonalorprofessionallife.

Theymightnotchangetheworld,buttheycouldchangesomeone'sworld.

Frombusinesstopolitics,andfromeducationtophilosophy,wordsmatter.Theycanenrich,stimulateandchallengepeople'sthinking.Butwhethertheyfallondeafearsoronopenminds,it'snotsolelydowntowhatyousay.

It'sdowntohowyousayit.

Tome,raisingyourgameasacommunicatorisnotsomeself-indulgenthobby.Itactuallyprovidesanopportunitytomakeadifference.DeepdownIthinkthat'sthecaseforusall.Soseizetheopportunitiesthatdevelopingthisskillprovides.Refusetobeamerespectatorinlife.

Beaplayer.

Beawarethatyouwon'tpleaseorconnectwitheveryone.Andthat'sOK.Infact,inmyexperiencetheonlywaytoavoidanykindofcriticismistosaynothing,donothing,andbenothing.MaybeI'mwrong,butIdon'tbelievethat'sinthescriptforwhatourstoryonearthshouldbe–anendlessquesttoavoidcriticism.

Ihopereadingthisbookprovestobeaspringboardtoyouachievingevenmoresuccess,andcausesyoutogivetalksthatstarttalks–inthewordsofauthorandspeakerRobBell.

Remember,speakingwithinfluenceandimpactisnotsimplyforthechosenfew.It'sforthemany.

Butitdoesn'thappenbymagic.

Ithappensthroughhardwork,practiceandthehumilitytorecognizethatwecanallimprovefromwhereverwecurrentlyfindourselves.

What'snextforyou?Onlyyoucandecide.Buthere'ssomeadviceIhopeyoufindhelpful.

Bebold.Sometimesbebrave.Andaboveall,havesomefun.

Whetherornotourpathsshouldcrossinthefuture,Ireallydowishyousuccessinmakingadifference–andIwishyousuccessinspeaking–sopeoplereallylisten.

Enjoythejourney.

PaulMcGee

Sowhatdidyouthink?I'dlovetofindoutthewaysinwhichthisbookhashelpedyou,andwhichideasyouintendtoimplement.Sohereareafewwayswecanconnect–andIpromiseyouwillreceiveareply.

Twitter:@thesumoguy

Email:Paul.McGee@theSUMOguy.com

Text:+44(0)7771536666

Ifyouwanttotellawideraudiencewhatyouthoughtofthisbook,youcanalwaysleaveareviewonAmazon.

AboutPaulMcGee

PaulMcGeeisaconferencespeaker,seminarpresenter,communicationcoachandbestsellingauthor.

Hisacademicbackgroundisinbehaviouralandsocialpsychology,andhisearlycareerwasspentinHumanResourcesandPeopleDevelopment.

He'soneoftheUK'sleadingspeakersonchange,inspiringleadershipandcommunicatingwithconfidence.Histhought-provoking,humorousandpracticalapproachtolifehasseenhimspeakin40countriesandhe'ssoldover200,000booksworldwide.HealsoworksonaconsultancyandcoachingbasiswithanEnglishPremierLeaguefootballteam.

HedevelopedtheSUMO(ShutUp,MoveOn)brandin2002andmorerecentlylaunchedSUMO4Schools,aprogrammedesignedtohelpyoungpeoplerealizetheirpotentialanddevelopskillsforlife.

He'scuriousaboutfaith,fascinatedbypeople,andpassionateaboutfootball,familyandfriendships.

Tofindoutmoreabouthiswork,visitwww.theSUMOguy.com.

OtherbooksbyPaulMcGee

HowtoSucceedWithPeople:RemarkablyEasyWaystoEngage,InfluenceandMotivateAlmostAnyone(2013)

S.U.M.O.(ShutUp,MoveOn),10thAnniversaryEdition:TheStraight-TalkingGuidetoSucceedinginLife(2015)

HowNottoWorry:TheRemarkableTruthofHowASmallChangeCanHelpYouStressLessandEnjoyLifeMore(2012)

Self-Confidence,SecondEdition:TheRemarkableTruthofWhyASmallChangeCanMakeaBigDifference(2012)

S.U.M.O.YourRelationships:HowtoHandleNotStrangleThePeopleYouLiveandWorkWith(2007)

WantPaultospeakforyourorganization?PaulMcGeespeaksaroundtheworldatconferencesandcompanyevents.Fromakeynoteaddresstoaone-dayseminar,headdressesthefollowingareas:

Inspiringleadership

Howtosurviveandthriveinachangingworld

Howtocommunicatewithinfluenceandimpact.

FormoredetailsonhowPaulcanhelpyourorganization,contactusvia:

Telephone:+44(0)1925268708

Email:Contact@theSUMOguy.com

Web:www.theSUMOguy.com

Indexactions

adrenalin

advertising

Andersen,HansChristian

anticipatorystress

anxiety

seealsonerves

appreciation,showing

Aristotle

arrogance

artisticlicence

attention,grabbing

attitude

impactonbodylanguage

positive

towardsyouraudience

towardsyourtopic

towardsyourself

audience

attitudetowardsyour

avoidingconfusingyour

bodylanguage

connectingwithyour

developingarelationshipwithyour

engagingyour

insultingyour

involvingyour

KFDprocess

knowingyour

levelofdetailrequiredforyour

managingyourinnercritic

managingyournerves

politenessofaudiencemembers

questionsfromthe

ramblingtoyour

sellingbenefitstoyour

stories

beachballmetaphor

Bell,Rob

benefits,selling

Blair,Tony

blandness

Bliss,Chris

bodylanguage

boring,being

Bounds,Andy

Boyle,Susan

brainprocesses

breaks

breathing

brevity

Britain'sGotTalent

bulletpoints

butterflies

seealsonerves

callstoaction

‘calmducksyndrome'

ChronicFatigueSyndrome

chronology

Churchill,Winston

clarity

climatechange

closingaspeech

clothes

Clow,Lee

CognitiveBehaviouralTherapy

communicationskills

complacency

complexity

confidence

bodylanguage

clarityofpurpose

innercritic

connectingwithyouraudience

contingencyplans

Covey,Stephen

credibility

answeringquestions

stories

Cuddy,Amy

culturaldifferences

curiosity

detail

drowningpeoplein

stories

Einstein,Albert

emails

emotions(feelings)

KFDprocess

stories

T.E.A.R.process

empathy

TheEmporer'sNewClothes

employeesurveys

energy

excellence

eyecontact

‘fairlygood',being

features,focusingon

figures

finance

firstimpressions

footballplayers

FruityThinking

fuzzyfocus

Gates,Bill

gettingreal

goodbyes

gossip

gratitude,showing

hands,useofyour

Harvey,Steve

HippoTime

honesty

hormones

humour

quotes

stories

videoclipsandpictures

illusionoftransparency

images

amusingpictures

illustratingyourpoint

slides

turningfiguresintopictures

visuallanguage

influence

informationoverload

seealsodetail

ingratiation

innercoach

innercritic

internalconversations

interviews

James,William

jargon

JesusChrist

jobinterviews

Jobs,Steve

KFD(Know,Feel,Do)process

language

jargon

usinglessfamiliar

visual

listening

McDermott,Steve

ME(MyalgicEncephalomyelitis)

mediocrity

meetings

memorablemessages

memorizingfigures

messages

clarityof

sellingthebenefits

stickyandmemorable

structuringyour

metaphors

seealsobeachballmetaphor

mind-bodyconnection

MonumentalErections-howtokeepyoursup

Murray,Andy

‘MyOneThing'

attitude

bodylanguage

complacency

engagingyouraudience

humour

images

KFDprocess

knowingyouraudience

memorablemessages

nerves

questions

rambling

sellingbenefits

slides

SLIMapproach

sortingoutyourskeletons

stories

nerves

90/90Rule

novelty

Obama,Barack

openings

passion

Pavlov'sdogexperiment

percentages

perspective

persuasion

pictures,amusing

seealsoimages

platitudes

positiveattitude

posture

PowerPoint

seealsoslides

preparation

answeringquestions

KFDprocess

knowingyouraudience

lackof

managingyournerves

slides

presentations

answeringquestions

brainprocesses

humourin

levelofdetailin

slides

startingattheend

viewedasconversations

PrimeMinister'sQuestionTime

problems

questions

askingtheaudience

fromtheaudience

creatingcuriositywith

knowingyouraudience

fromyourself

quotes

rambling

reinforcement

‘RemembertheBeachball'metaphor

reminders

repetition

responsibility,taking

results

revelations

Robinson,Ken

Rowling,J.K.

SayLess,ImpactMore(SLIM)approach

Segall,Ken

self-confidence

bodylanguage

clarityofpurpose

innercritic

self-criticism

self-delusion

self-doubt

self-talk

sellingbenefits

SevenGreatSinsofSpeaking

drowningindetail

failuretoconsideryouraudience'sneeds

failuretomakeyourmessagestickyormemorable

focusingonfeatures

rambling

slides

wingingit

simplicity

skeletons,sortingoutyour

slides

SLIM(SayLess,ImpactMore)approach

smiling

SolutionFocusedThinking

StarWars

startingattheend

stories

amusing

Aristotle'sapproach

artisticlicence

givingdetail

impactonthebrain

keypoints

openings

practisingyour

support

threepoints

stress

SUMO(ShutUp,MoveOn)

TheSUMOGuy(brandname)

T.E.A.R.process

thinking

three-pointturns

threeRs

titles,compelling

topics,attitudetowards

transparency,illusionof

values

videoclips

VirginGroup

visuallanguage

waffle

seealsorambling

WhoWantstoBeaMillionaire

wingingit

Woodward,Clive

WILEYENDUSERLICENSEAGREEMENTGotowww.wiley.com/go/eulatoaccessWiley’sebookEULA.

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