preparing everyone assuming the best building on strengths permanent family connections sue badeau...

Preparing EveryonePreparing EveryoneAssuming the bestAssuming the best

Building on strengthsBuilding on strengths

Permanent Family Connections

Sue Badeau & Bob Lewis

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Workshop PreviewWorkshop Preview

• Shared parenting

• Who needs to be prepared?

• Issues: yours, mine and ours

• Engaging others in the process

• Group Exercise

• Wrap-up

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All Parenting is SharedAll Parenting is Shared

• How have you or your parents shared How have you or your parents shared parenting?parenting?

• What does shared parenting mean; can you What does shared parenting mean; can you think of another way to say it?think of another way to say it?

• Thinking beyond today and beyond Thinking beyond today and beyond yourself…yourself…

• Tell us about a time when the adult Tell us about a time when the adult relationships in a youth’s life came together relationships in a youth’s life came together to assure permanence.to assure permanence.

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Who needs to be Who needs to be prepared? prepared?

The list grows on• The prospective parents• The child• A youth’s constellation of

contacts,–Professional–Personal

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Even doing our best,Even doing our best,we’ve all got Issues.we’ve all got Issues.

• Professionals– Teachers– Therapists– Social workers– Case managers

• Parents

• Relatives, Siblings

• Present and former caregivers

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ProfessionalsProfessionals IssuesIssues

• No one started out to hurt a kid • Fear of doing so again• Competition & career• No one accepts something new

the first time• AKUD• Share, Educate, Demonstrate• Moving to a place of incompetence• Fear of more losses

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Parents’/Relatives’Parents’/Relatives’ IssuesIssues

LossShameGuilt HurtSelf EsteemDesire to do the right

thingBeliefsFear vs. HopeLimited understanding of

parenting

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Caregivers’Caregivers’ Issues Issues

• Good enough parents• “If I can’t do it nobody

can.”• Competition with the

new/old parent• Safety, protection and risk• Not in my job description –

not the way I was trained• Fear of losing services and

benefits and the “trapdoor”

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Mike

Rayleen & Ronald

JamalMarika

Maya & PJ

Reaching outReaching out

Juan

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FeedbackFeedback

• What worked well?

• What was the most difficult thing for both of you?

• What were you pleased that the other said or did?

• What would you have liked that wasn’t said or done?

• Where would you go from here?

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Engaging OthersEngaging Others

Building a shared family network

• Extended family– Paternal and Maternal

• Caring Adults• Friends• Siblings• All Professionals• Lines of affection

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Role redefinition and Role redefinition and relationshipsrelationships

• Professionals to family • Siblings to cousins• Parents to aunts and uncles• Friends to family• Fluid roles; enduring

relationships

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Contribute not ControlContribute not Control

• As part of the whole network of family

• Friends become the family you chose for yourself

• How do you help if they don’t think they can contribute without controlling?

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Network Engagement Network Engagement ProcessProcess

• Invitation • Youth centered• Personalized • Inclusive• Holistic• Adaptable• Accountable• Ongoing/ready to

reconvene

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Running a MeetingRunning a Meeting

• Break into groups• Assign roles• Take a case from

Persistence or your own

• Identify others to be involved

• Run meeting and report out

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PersistPersist

• Set up a system for contact

• Assume the best• Engage them in the

process• Empower the youth• Focus x competence x

passion = adherence• Persist

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