poetry in celebration of women · i promise to love you. i promise to listen. — nisha moodley...
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an invitation to intimacy
Poetry in celebration of women
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for you,my sister
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
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Dear Sister,
Several years ago, I heard a quote by the Dalai Lama: “The world will be saved
by the western woman.” At the time, I was running a growing business, where I
supported women in finding freedom from emotional eating. I was one of those
western women, trying to save the world.
But I was on the brink of divorce, and had just missed my grandmother’s funeral
and the wedding of one of my best friends becaus I was “too busy” to get away.
I was a workaholic, using work to avoid my feelings, working 24/7 to help
women find freedom. Ironic. Deeply embarrassed, I was also hiding my pain
from the women in my life. I swam in a deep sea of confusion that I was
desperate to conceal and “figure out” on my own. My shame kept me from
sharing, which kept me trapped in my circumstances.
One day, the sea swelled to a tidal wave, and I realized that the women who
were going to “save the world” were those who, as Gandhi said, were “being the
change”.
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
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So here, I share with you. This book is dedicated to you, my Sister, and to the
belief that the world will be set free by women who are free, and sisterhood is
key.
I offer these whisperings of my heart, in devotion to your freedom.
Thank you for reading these words. It means more to me than you know. If they
touch you in some way, please leave a comment here. Sisterhood is the best
space to support a woman’s freedom and I look forward to being in sisterhood
with you. Thank you.
FIERCELY DEVOTED TO YOUR FREEDOM,
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://thefreedomdevotional.com
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Ode to the girl that is meDear Sweet Child,
Thank you for bearing the pain of
a family that wasn’t always united.
Thank you for loving your body in a
world that says your body is wrong.
Thank you for holding visions of magic
that have inspired those who love you.
Thank you for feeling the feelings
that felt too big to understand.
Thank you for wanting good things
for the earth and her people.
My Dear Sweet Child,
I am sorry for forgetting about you.
For treating you harshly.
For being impatient with you.
For not listening.
My Dear Sweet Child,
Thank you for living on inside of me.
I promise to take care of you.
I promise to love you.
I promise to listen.
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/ode-to-the-girl-that-is-me/
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This is your spotlight speaking.
I invite you to step boldly into me.
I invite you to bask in my light;
You reflected back to you.
I invite you to fall hard
and make mistakes
and be imperfect and messy;
I invite you to be bold.
I invite you to put one foot
ahead of the next and move.
Even if you can’t see two steps ahead,
I invite you to take the next one.
I invite you to your greatness.
Even if you think it doesn’t exist,
I invite you to see it in others’ eyes.
The world needs you so very much.
Do not deny them you.
Do not allow one more day to pass
without living your light into the world.
There is no one else that can do it.
It’s not their job, it’s yours.
Do it.
Now.
Step. Up.
Step. Up.
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/step-up/
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BE your being,
Your core, your essence- what was there all along.
In the beginning before the rest came into form, your light, your energy,
Your energetic thumbprint,
Your color, your shape, your texture, your movement,
Your song
Your light.
Your BE-ing-ness
What came before the doing-
The BE.
The you behind the YOU
Your witness
Your all seeing eye
Your timeless BE-ing
Your stillness,
Your deep pool of being-ness,
Your effortless-ness,
Your flow
The you that lights up the room with no words.
The you that simply by BEing transforms, heals, empowers and delights
The YOU behind all the masks,
What is left when you stop trying to BE and simply BE.
The BE-ING in you.
Your Presence is a Gift-
Who are you called to BE?
Be
— E L A Y N E K A L I L A D O U G H T Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/be/
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I want to be pressed up close to a heartbeat
like a bird who is no longer injured but stays for the healing.
dancing in the sunlight in my mind
memories of a future I once lived
sweet, shallow breaths so as not to disturb the dream.
don’t wake me. the sun is warm on my cheeks
remembering when those who passed were here forever.
ice cream soothing sad tears
and now love.
biting and washing over me. like a wool blanket.
scratchy, but once you sleep peacefully you only feel the warmth
And now love
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/and-now-love/
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and the beauty came in so many forms
she didn’t know where to look
mesmerized by the treasure she could only see with her heart
it was there.
and the love was so boundless she couldn’t find the end
and then the beginning was wrapped somewhere around her
like a wave that washed over her but when she stood and looked for it,
it was hiding in the ocean.
tricky waves.
The love
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/the-love/
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delicate
strong
like a body of water that can be impressed upon in an instant,
but calmly holds the truth deep within
the water’s self-healing mechanism is perfect
the balance of it’s surface is wisdom in it’s most subtle form
the water tells you all of life if you listen
Balance
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/balance/
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And at times the journey felt treacherous
And there were thorns in her skin
And her shoes were full of holes
And she knew
That if she abandoned her journey
She would never arrive
And she knew that even in the darkness of this trail
The light was guiding the way
And everything was beautiful
Her journey
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/her-journey/
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dancing with her eyes closed felt good,
the sweat from her forehead reaching her lips
salty smile
wet hair
her breath aligned with the beat
so did her heart
and she was in love.
she was in love with every lover she’d ever had, and not
she was in love with her problems
she was in love with her curves
and she offered the Universe something she never had before.
herself.
and the vulnerability…
oh, the vulnerability.
her love shone.
Her love shone
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/her-love-shone/
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and she blossomed in the summer
some said late, but the dew on her leaves said she was right on time.
and the ground had to break to let her through
and some said it would hurt her delicate form
but the light inside of her was so bright,
there was no pain.
and there was love.
the sweetest love she had ever known.
and her petals bowed in it’s presence
and she became more vivid as the love flooded her roots with life
and she was so eternally grateful.
and with each morning’s sun, she knew she was alive.
In bloom
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/in-bloom/
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her heart was a wanderer
and her mind, intoxicated, went along for the adventure
her heart told juicy stories
like a campfire that dances without you telling it to
her mind listened
and her dreams and fantasies and realities wove together
like the wool on momma’s loom
bumpy and imperfect and perfect
cozy
and she loved her dreams
they were windows into other dimensions of existence
that others tried to close shutters on
and she wanted to let the light in
and she was curious
and she was happy to be this child-eyed woman in a world of adults
this was freedom
her ambition was like a pair of dress-up shoes
too big maybe, yes, but glamorous and perfect all the same.
Her heart
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/her-heart/
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and my children called me to come to them,
be out of their way,
and for a moment i wanted to run to them!
my love for them boundless, unstoppable.
and then i paused.
and i realized that i am with them now.
and i spoke,
“hush now, my dear ones, i am here.
now is for me to prepare your home.
for where would you sleep? our time is near”
and as i listened, they became present.
and the fear of not having our time dissipated.
and the sound of our impatience silenced.
and we got to be in love now.
My children
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/my-children/
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gentle heart
rest quietly now
you are afraid, feeling alone
no breadcrumbs to find your way home
so rest now, be still in this space
home is now, here
i know, my dear.
it’s tender, but…
everything is still moving in this stillness
slow down and you will find your way
home.
Tender
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/tender/
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the cut on my hand bled forever,
reminding me that i was alive.
and every attempt to close it,
clean it up, hide it
was futile
and only left the wound more open.
obvious, painful.
so now i admire it
looking all ugly and beautiful
and i can just be with it
and watch the healing
Precious metaphor
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/precious-metaphor/
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on the brink of my future
calling me
and even the pinkie toe seizes up when asked to move.
so this is how it’s going to be?
the heart at odds with feet.
now, i’m no puppet master
but i know that the marionettes that are led by their chest
look more human than the ones led by their feet.
and maybe this is just my romantic musing,
but i swear i can tell the difference!
and if the Universe is in charge
and we’re all just players in the show…
i want to be the marionette that dances from the heart.
Being human
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/being-human/
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It’s May now:
the month of Lily of the Valley blooming in our yard,
her sweet fragrance of it reminding me of home,
of the love of my Grandmother and Mother,
of the stories of plant magic.
May.
month of my birth
month of Spring’s blossoming
month of love.
And I find myself wanting to run away
and settle down at once.
wanting to look into your still eyes
as you swim in my gaze
wanting to see something in there that
tells me not to go,
because somewhere in me I need that.
Maybe because May brings me another year,
or maybe because I imitate Spring,
I cry and want to grow.
I want to have the things I’ve been pretending to have
and celebrate in the joy of having it.
I want to fall in love with your falling in love with me.
I want to shine and feel you basking in my glow,
bowing at my feet.
It’s May
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
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I want to surrender to you and see mercy in your
eyes.
I want to die with you and be born again.
I want to spin the magic of creation in our favor.
It’s May, again.
I want this one to grow something new with you.
I want to tend it and watch it flourish.
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/its-may/
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And so long I have forgotten pleasure;
forgotten that she guides me
informs me
teaches and serves me;
forgotten that she allows me
to surrender and receive
to open up
bear down and release.
And the sweet drippy ecstasy
of her offering brings tears,
laughter
birth and death
creation
celebration
and good-byes.
So on this eve of my 31st,
I invite her to whisper to me.
Yell if I am distracted.
Caressing me til I melt,
surrender,
trust…
…that she, as I, have the
right to exist.
On the eve of my 31st
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/on-the-eve-of-my-31st/
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There are things that never changed,
No matter how tall and distant I got.
The Readers Digests tucked neatly away
The tea in the teapot with sugar cubes in a bowl
The Christmas candles plugged in at the window, year after year
The softness of your skin
The love in your eyes
I never fully imagined what the world would feel like without you in it.
Just as I was often shocked that you, in your simple practicality, could be a
part of this haphazard world.
And when you left there was a small sigh of relief in me,
for you going to meet Grandpa and take care of him in that way you do…
that way that leaves you feeling necessary. Busy and so loved.
But that small sigh was overshadowed by the wail in my heart.
The pounding of my being that I did not know how to exist in this world
without you.
I never had to.
On the rocking chair, my chest against yours, I knew I couldn’t.
And for the tears I saw so few times, and only for us, I knew you couldn’t
either.
We wanted to keep you. We had decided we would.
Grammy
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
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“At least 5 more years”. “At least long enough to hold my babies”.
That last part still pains me.
In the natural order of things, we would have been together all these years.
I would have fed you cottage cheese and fruit salad under the patio umbrella.
I would have rubbed your back until we both fell asleep.
I would have sung you songs of blackbirds and pies.
But I live here. In this place that makes less sense to my island heart
sometimes.
In this place that throws gasoline on my dreams, rather than gently bringing
kindling to lay at my feet.
It is harsh, hurried and cutting here — nothing like you.
Grammy, I called on you last night in my darkness.
You found me and your hair was the brown of 1983.
Your eyes shone with the sparkle that left with Uncle Bill.
You held the cold cloth of surrender to my forehead.
Grammy, thank you..
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/grammy/
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I cried the day you were born.
Not because I would never be the ‘only child’ again (but I wouldn’t)
Not because I fell and hurt my knee (but I did)
Not because you weren’t a girl (but you aren’t)
Not because you were the cutest baby in the whole world (but you were)
I cried the day you were born
Because I fell in love with you.
And I knew, even then, that I would never be the same again.
Little Brother
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/little-brother/
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this house is built of hearts and stones and long brown hair
and all of it is woven together, painstakingly, brilliantly
and the walls are delicate, cracked and lovely
this is my home for you
this is my gift
this is everything I have to give
and even more that I never meant to have
it’s all for you, my dear
with love
and I have betrayed you and my heart
boxes of hand drawn love notes cast aside
dust-covered and waiting for spring
when the sunlight streams through bedroom windows
and shutters open
and storm windows go up
and everything is new again
the time when the inside and outside become one
and my heart sings bird songs
and I delight in hands in warm soapy water
and the feeling of knees on wet hardwood
and everything is new again
I built this home for you my dear
and I made many mistakes
but there is beauty in these imperfections
and I feel still the love that shone through my eyes
and the haphazard, childlike heart that set the first stone
This is our home
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/this-is-our-home/
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some say it’s a fault.
wielded well, it’s my power
that I can bend, stretch;
cry and rage in a moment
love, breathe, make space next
without.skipping.a.beat.
yes, it has been my most unfortunate mask
the one who shows the wrong feeling
the one who shapeshifts
the one who tricks
and also, the deepest of strengths
she who will slay and slaughter
she who will clean the blood
she who loves
yes,
i am elastic
I am elastic
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-am-elastic/
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Poetry and Prose arm wrestle some mornings.
Poetry is more refined,
of course, and has a smug self-assurance that
makes Prose uneasy, self-conscious.
Poetry despises arm wrestling.
Prose is ballsy.
No mincing words or fussing with the flower arrangement.
Prose just drops those suckers in and halfheartedly hopes they live.
Prose despises Poetry’s pomp.
It’s often unclear who wins.
Sometimes there’s a draw and no one gets the paper.
And even now, as muscles weaken and fists waver,
Poetry is certain he’s won.
Rupert Murdoch has already called the match and
everyone’s assumed that Poetry came out on top.
But Prose, the underdog of underdogs, the oft-dreaded truth-seeker,
has something to say. And he’s ready to play dirty if he has to.
This is going to be a long morning.
The match
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/the-match/
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Every time I hear your voice, I melt.
My heart quickens pace, eager to race my body.
But quickly, everyone pulls out the white flags.
…and we melt…
You own me.
Oh, you own me.
And my rebellious feminist rebels,
but her mouth is gagged and she’s on her knees,
because being more requires less than I once thought.
There is already enough in these walls.
There’s nothing more to prove. To show.
Yes, oh yes, make no mistake…
I could live in your eyes for a lifetime.
I could live in your eyes for a lifetime
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-could-live-in-your-eyes-for-a-lifetime/
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Think less, feel more, my dear.
This world is more wondrous than your mind can bear;
more gorgeous and painful and excruciatingly delightful
than your sweet and brilliant mind can comprehend.
I lay my body down. I lay it down for you.
Swim in this vast ocean, get lost.
Throw your compass overboard
and forget how you got here
and swim.
Swim your fucking heart out,
sideways and wrong
like a rabid creature,
bloodthirsty and hungry for an antidote.
Hungry for love.
Hungry to live.
And you will see, my dear,
that this body is full of the Universe.
That all you seek to know is nothing
and everything to discover is here.
Meet me here,
and teach me how to use your compass.
Think less, feel more
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/think-less-feel-more/
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I want to sing, to shout, to cry;
to let every breath drip heavy and dewy,
full of my joys and sorrows.
But I must. Be. Patient.
Patient with my heart.
Patient with my people.
Patient, even, with my tethers.
I want to sing, to shout, to cry.
But I must. Be. Patient.
Excruciating patience
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/excruciating-patience/
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Love is dripping off of me.
The soundtrack is on replay,
and still,
every song feels exciting and new.
You are brilliant.
I look at you from this distance
and I fall to my knees.
There is awe here.
I am grateful.
And loving the woman I am discovering.
Where my life once held chaos,
waters are calm.
Still. And so very alive.
This love is dripping off of me.
And it’s thrilling, my dear.
Love is dripping off of me
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/love-is-dripping-off-of-me/
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The waves lift me to my sky
So the sun may soak me in.
We dance.
And I wonder, where have I been?
When did I forget that we co-create?
And the moon is my mother
And my sister
And I came for this moment.
Now I may face the waves
My womb illuminating the journey
Each stroke a declaration of freedom.
Each wave carrying me home.
Learning to swim
— N I S H A M O O D L E YS H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/learning-to-swim/
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My bones ache with your pain
The love and hurt so deep that
Only the ocean and all its tears
can comprehend.
The raging fire is only quelled by
this sea of sadness.
A well of love gone wrong.
And now after the storm’s passed
I am left again with spring
And the blossoms in my heart are
at once confusing and comforting.
This love has no end.
It refuses to die.
I just want to love you.
I just want to love you.
I just want you to know.
And I will try to be more like my
teacher, the wind.
The one who lingers only when it
has a job to fulfill,
and leaves when leaves have all turned.
No need to stay and stir.
I love you
and you will see it in the whispers
of my undying love for me.
My bones ache for you
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/my-bones-ache-for-you/
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The moment of my truth
is here.
She never disappeared.
Instead, I played a game
of hide and seek,
only to find that
there is no end to it.
So, exhausted and full
I step forth into the light
and allow myself to be found
by her.
The moment of my truth
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/the-moment-of-my-truth/
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I might talk tough
but my heart aches
Trying to stay afloat
as I drown in this pain
Soothing tears with
dreams
of being in love,
only to wake alone,
down here.
Biting my tears back
Begging. Praying.
My glass heart
like the plate now.
Left out, forgotten
on wrong flames.
Nothing to mend it back
to before the fire.
Even in repair,
the damage is done.
Fighting the light at the
end, for fear of what may
be revealed.
Rather remember walking
alone in low tide with grandpa;
Watching grandmas hair grey
in the sunlight;
Days when dad looked young;
Moments when you saw love
in my eyes.
Now there is too much pain
and
I
can’t
take
any
more.
Heartbreak
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/heartbreak/
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How does one rectify in their soul
the distance between family and
daily life?
How do we achieve a feeling of completeness
when so far from those who take up the
largest real estate of our heart?
Who do children run to when grandmothers are gone?
And most of all, do I want these answers?
The island in my soul
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/the-island-in-my-soul/
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I watched you while you slept this morning.
I watched you wrestle with your thoughts,
trying to make peace with things at odds.
I watched while you revealed your darkest anxieties.
And in those grimaces, I saw your heart,
and we were together.
Sleeping awake
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/sleeping-awake/
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I remember the taste of love
dripping from your brow
back arched
hopelessly entranced.
And the flavor lingers in memories,
beckoning,
casting mesmerizing eyes,
offering unattached invitation
for more delicious surrender.
And my mind is at odds.
Wanting to do the accounting,
ensuring that all is first fair,
that no bodies betray hearts.
But my body knows.
She brought her grandmother wisdom,
her satchel of tears and magic,
her light.
And she tells me with gentle force,
“Follow me, my darling.
I will lead you back to love”
On love, lust, trust
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/love-lust-trust/
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There was never a time that
I didn’t make it. I always did.
It’s amazing what it takes for a
heart to break.
Unbreakable
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/unbreakable/
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Finally.
To have my gaze met and kept.
The contours of my face lavished with curiosity.
My ribs squeezed, compressed then freed.
To be felt.
And it challenges my mind and shuts me up.
It finds all of my hidden rigidity and rips its clothes off.
It allows fantasy to breathe and die in an instant.
It tastes good.
And I am reminded of the woman I am.
And this time I will stay in here.
I will remain fiercely loyal to she who breathes life.
I will honor those who honor me.
And I will enjoy.
I will swim in a sea of appreciation
And I will enjoy.
Finally
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/finally/
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Building bridges
For my heart to travel
Stronger now
Willing to battle
Like Arjuna on the field
Some may be sacrificed
Fear not that I will die
Peace is mine
This heart will win this time
One line at a time
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/one-line-at-a-time/
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War torn hearts
Beating for a new start
Breath unaware of things sacred
Painful blend of gluttony & scarcity
Scared to replace fragile things
Keep the china packed in boxes now
Craving tea with spoons of sunlight
Beating hearts and sweaty sheets
Where does my content heart belong?
War torn hearts
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/war-torn-hearts/
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To lay with my love and say goodbye
past expiration
and still too soon
My heart breaks and bleeds
like rains of Spring
unrelenting outpour
messy and necessary
And I wonder why struggle feels better
easier to explain and make sense of
a band-aid to rip off
And all of these cobwebs must go
feeling my knees already on damp hardwood
watching myself cry at first buds,
alone and so missing my love
And yet, today,
he is right here in front of me
and already gone
Still too soon
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/still-too-soon/
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I rode Charlie’s Horse last night
I told a lie
And danced around it for a while
And then the door opened
I thought I was invisible
Charlie didn’t tell me it was like this
I kissed the pain and cried
Some pity for me
Please?
Oh but oh
I would suffer alone
But the love was still there
Everywhere
I rode Charlie’s Horse last night
This morning, the ache in my muscles felt good
Yes, I was still alive
I rode Charlie’s Horse
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-rode-charlies-horse/
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When you flew home
The nest was filled with all the best things.
I made it that way for you.
There was no right way to talk to you.
The eggshells broke beneath my feet,
much as I tried to tread softly.
Yes, I feel owned.
Owned by my circumstances.
Owned by my choices.
Owned by your well of sorrows.
And in this bed, with spines eye-to-eye,
this nest feels so alone.
And I wonder where to fly to find home.
When you flew home
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/when-you-flew-home/
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And the salty tears of brokenhearted women everywhere flowed through me
And I wanted to throw my limp body at his feet
And I wanted to throw it at the wind
And I felt so lost
I’ve never felt so lost.
And my grip was too tight
And yet too loose to hang on
And why can’t I find the air
And why do I feel broken
And why do I love his body beside mine
And why does it melt me to see his face
And why do I want him by my side so much
And why does this hurt so much
Why?
Salty tears
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/salty-tears/
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My mother wrote me a letter on a white peony today.
She told me to close my eyes and feel her.
That her twill suit and soft skin would come to me.
That her blue eyes and wet cheeks would soothe me.
That her voice would heal me.
That her body would catch me.
She told me that my family lived here.
That they curled in my hair and listened for me.
That my home was on my back.
But I still felt homeless.
Alone.
Far and lost.
And I keep wondering in my darkest places why I am not there?
When these years will never return.
When, one day, there will be no soft mother.
Only now, sharp clouds between us.
White peony
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/white-peony/
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I wanted a sip.
I was parched.
But my greedy mouth drowned my already wounded heart.
And the drink left me heady.
And I didn’t care that I was dry inside.
At least the thirst was gone!
But the dehydration was uncomfortable to see.
So I pretended.
I carried a cup everywhere.
Of course it was always full.
But I knew that my well concealed cup was empty.
And I left you there, thirsty.
And the cup I used to feed you with
Broke.
I wanted a sip
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-wanted-a-sip/
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And there was no beginning
And there was no end
The love circled round
And round
And wrapped me up in his arms
And the curves of his face reminded me of a past we once shared
And our grandmothers conspired for this moment
And the love was like wow
And his kiss had my knees tremble under the incredible strength of his love
And everyone knew I was prone to fantasy
So I learned to love it
And own it
And trust it, even
And my children called me here
And whispered in my ear to be present
And to not get in their way.
And I don’t know why I’m here
but I know they are my teachers
So I listen
And this man
He found the bird in my heart
And she sings!
And yes, she sings for him.
Birdsong
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/birdsong/
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Opening
mouth
Parting
river
Spreading
thighs
Why ask why
Rise
And begin
And let it out
Release
And offer
And bow
Opening
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/opening/
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And then the time came
And she fell in love with what was in front of her all along
And the connection was full and deep
And she felt her hips again
And she breathed like new
And it was all feathers and sequins
And it was the season’s first beets
And she wanted to laugh hard
And she swam in eyes again
And the love was so strong it overwhelmed
And she did it in her own time
And she knew she didn’t arrive
She just opened the door
And she was ready.
And then the time came
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/and-then-the-time-came/
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Under your body, I melt.
I quake.
I breathe.
And each of my breaths
intertwines with yours.
And although we feel one,
I know we are three.
And your artistry,
your gifts,
are yours.
And I want for you to
breathe life into your ideas,
to realize them.
I want you to be as
expansive as you are.
And when you tire,
when you need solace,
come home.
I will be here,
happily waiting for you,
my love.
Come home
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/come-home/
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When poetry falls out of my body, I listen
And as the words form,
I am overcome
and delighted.
And you do this to me.
But mostly I do it to myself.
Or, should I say, I allow it.
And when I do,
it’s like an exhale after holding my breath,
only I did not know it was bated until it escaped,
It’s like a bowl of greens after pastries,
a glass of water in the morning sun,
lying with you after weeks apart.
You bring me peace
and poetry
when I allow it.
Welcome, my sweet love.
I’ll keep the door open for you.
When I allow it
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/when-i-allow-it/
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I will build you a nest.
It will be the most intimate, safe and sturdy nest you’ve ever felt.
It will be your home.
Unbreakable.
Imagine a place where my breast falls gently beneath your weary head;
where hearts gets melted into the world’s finest chocolate
that we may drink by the fire at the end of long days.
Imagine a nest so powerful that its branches rage against intruders,
yet so gentle that you would never know it from the stillness inside.
Imagine a home where your biggest ambitions grow wings
so they may soar long after we’re gone from this earth.
And when you tire of seeing and conquering the challenges of the world,
come home to me, my love.
Your nest is already all ready.
I will build you a nest
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-will-build-you-a-nest/
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You always hold my hand.
And my hand, in your hand, hears your heart.
When you’re anxious, the tiny repetitive
squeezes tell me to smile softly upon you.
When you’re excited, your hand is stiff and
electric. My chest buzzes with yours.
When you’re soft, your hand melts into mine,
feeling for the tiniest moment as if mine
is the stronger one.
Your hand gives me the most incredible
feeling of solidity, safety and strength.
You would kill men and break branches
to save me. With that hand. I know this.
You always hold my hand.
I always hold your heart.
You always hold my hand
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/you-always-hold-my-hand/
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I used to loathe her.
Her desire to make up stories,
when the truth felt too harsh.
Her desire to play with the girls,
who didn’t want to play.
Her desire to have harmony,
when her family felt broken.
Her desire to feel whole,
when she felt wholly hollow.
Her desire to eat more,
when her body felt stuffed.
Her desire to fit in,
when she was too brown and white.
Her desire to escape,
when staying felt too much.
Her desire to buy,
when the accounts were drained.
I loathed her desire for things
she thought she couldn’t have.
I never loathed her.
I used to loathe her
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-used-to-loathe-her/
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unfolding, unfolding, into me.
I yield to you, unfold myself,
becoming your invitation.
unfolding, unfolding, into you.
you rule me, bow to me,
contain and set me free.
unfolding, unfolding, into us.
unfolding, unfolding
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/unfolding/
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If I could be with you right now, forever, today,
I would build you a home made of wood
and warmth.
I would stoke the fire and make bone broth soup.
Wipe your head with my apron. Kiss you.
I would invite you to bathe when I see your brow furrow.
Wash your worries into a basin of love. Hold you.
We’d adventure and live and love and play,
If I could be with you right now, forever, today.
Right now, forever, today
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/right-now/
-
there’s a song in her heart that she wants him to hear,
but every time he comes near he’s too far away.
she whispers it through pleading glances,
but as her mouth opens the song disappears,
distorts,
held hostage by fears.
her song says something like
baby I love you
will you be mine for all
of the time we have left?
but sometimes she can’t even hear her own song;
losing the words before they fall out,
stumbling through her expression
in an attempt to be right.
okay.
good enough.
there’s a song in her heart that she wants him to hear;
a song that is more beautiful than he has ever heard
if only he had the ears
and she had the voice.
There’s a song in her heart
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/theres-a-song-in-her-heart/
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I want to play with you.
I want to laugh in the sunshine
while jumping off curbs and steps,
bouncing into your embrace,
smiling into a kiss.
I want to play with you.
I want to feed you chocolate
as it melts between my fingertips,
watch you close your eyes and savor,
loving this precious moment.
I want to play with you.
I want to listen to stand-up
while we drive to our weekend
adventure,
laughing deep belly laughs,
happy to be in love with my best friend.
I want to play with you.
I want to lie beneath you
as you kiss my neck and breasts,
offering myself to you always,
opening to you.
I want to play with you
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
-
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
I want to play with you.
I want a simple night at home
with dinner and a movie,
my body at home next to yours,
in love.
I want to play with you.
Always, in every way.
I want to play with you.
Loving you like you’ve
always wanted to be loved.
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-want-to-play-with-you/
-
Dear Lover,
In your gaze, I expand,
opening to the love
of the universe.
In your gaze, I inhale
more deeply,
exhale
more fully.
In your gaze, I rise
to be the woman
you see.
In your gaze, I give
every drop
of my joy.
In your gaze, I recognize
the woman
I am.
In your gaze,
I see me.
For my beloved
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/for-my-beloved/
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My heart,
my heart,
unfolding,
open.
Thank you.
I love you.
Thank you.
My heart
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/my-heart/
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In the cracks I am falling through your words.
In the cracks I am the hardness of your bicep where my head rests, has
always known.
In the cracks I am inside your endless disregard of my zenith of awakening.
In the cracks I am the quiet kiss that the beep affirms, that plays with my
pleasure – insatiable
for your notice.
In the cracks I am your spirit lover, the one who impinged your feelings…the
ones that my
wings would soon set free.
In the cracks -your cracks-I am fucked-up, hands together over the place
that holds breath
my breath- and I want my reflection back.
In the cracks I am your one time longing, feather falling, the one that swims
through pulsing
white rocks filling space of emptiness.
In the cracks I am young art, folded in wrapped scarves. Draping my belly
from sight.
In the cracks I am the opening of my secrecy, my floating eyes, the clench
of a pelvis searching
for breath.
In the cracks I am slipping in each, in each, in each.
In the cracks I am falling through words.
Falling
— H A N N A H M A R C O T T I
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/falling/
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“What is it?” the boy wondered curiously. “Is it some kind of lioness?”
The man replied unable to take his eyes off her, “That, my boy, is a wild poetess on the
loose!”
“Should we catch her and put her in a cage so she’ll never leave us?”
“Oh no, son. That would be our own suicide.”
The man and the boy watched the wild poetess in awe for she kept changing before their
eyes… each time a stunning revelation, discovering her beauty as if for the very first time.
“There are many wild poetesses, my son, and they have been caged far too long, but I’ve
heard
rumors they are on the loose in droves once again.”
“Oh goodie! Can we get more of whatever sets them free and plant fields of it so this never
happens again? Please, dad, we have to!”
“Just take notice of how each one loves to be loved. Then simply love her and she’ll free
herself.”
“Oh. I’ll need training in that.” said the boy.
The man sighed and smiled proudly, squeezing the boy close and feeling hopeful again.
Wild poetess on the loose
— S T A C E Y M O R G E N S T E R N
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/wild-poetess-on-the-loose/
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The sages say longing
is the most sacred emotion.
It is the soul’s desire
to be reunited
with its true state,
nothing.
I lay in my bed, every night
experiencing the sacred. Consumed
by this peculiar desire
to be obliterated, licked
head to toe by its
blue flame.
I wonder how many have lain here
like me, under peeling ceilings,
thatched roofs, comets and
bright stars. Centuries of longing
like threads weaving together the palms
of all of these empty hands.
The saints and mystics had ecstasy.
I am almost certain this is the same.
Here is the impossible union.
Baptismal waters that give birth to this
exhilarated pain. Here among the whirling
planets is my religion,
all aflame.
Baptism
— L I S A F A B R E G A
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/baptism/
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There is a sound
a flower makes
slipcracking
deep
larynx
grasp
new life
levels
split tender
finely fierce
she bears
the beauty of reflection
she cries
does what must be done
recedes to more
only quiet and unknown thus far
destined for greatness
The beginning of self-expression
— D A N I E L L E L A P O R T E
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/the-beginning-of-self-expression/
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We have weathered much together.
Painful moments,
Unbearable pleasure,
Vacancy.
And I have watched you grow and change,
adopting characteristics I love
– a softening of the eyes & stomach –
and a few that, as you know,
have been harder to stomach.
And, I love you.
And each day I am finding new appreciation for small things…
A fresh gray hair,
The lines at the corner of my lips that will never leave,
Your whispers.
And with all of these discoveries I am reminded
of our journey, and I feel a deepening
adoration of this landscape.
Dearest body of mine,
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/dearest-body-of-mine/
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I am a woman.
I love deeply and feel a lot. Sometimes I feel several emotions that seem to be at
odds, all at the same time. Sometimes they come in waves, one clearing the path
for the next to roll in. I am learning to feel love, for others and for myself, when I
am feeling hurt or angry. I am even learning to love the hurt and anger.
I keep learning how to hurt and love, and love hurt, to heal the planet. Yes, I feel
to heal the planet…because I want a world where people know that they are
loved for being and that they can create anything they want. And to give that, I
have to be that. I’m willing to walk through the fire to learn, even though
sometimes it appears to be lonelier and more challenging than watching crappy
television and staying at a job you hate, saving the enjoyment of life for the
weekends. Yes, that life seems more simple, but I can’t go back. Instead, I’m
willing to walk through this fire sometimes, to experience being alive all the time,
so I can give the gift of life.
I am a woman. Don’t try to understand me too much, because as soon as you
think you understand, I’ve already become new again. Instead, feel me. I am an
ocean, and I know an ocean is a lot to feel, but when you swim in my waters you
will see that life is rich here, and that feelings aren’t so scary after all.
I am a woman
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/i-am-a-woman/
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When words fall out,
I have to stop everything and allow them
to arrive. Nothing else must matter.
It’s a tricky dance.
Too much waiting and they get pissed off.
Too much coaxing and they retreat.
They’re fussy, words.
They’re fussy because they’re attached
to emotions and the emotions are tied
to wildly bobbing ships on the ocean
and the ocean is married to a moon
who’s seen her share of excitement.
The storm is intense. Violent. Who knows
where the ships will flail next. Or perhaps
the clouds will part and the entire watery
landscape will flatten, leaving the ships
suspended on glass.
The stillness looks pleasant. Pristine.
But it’s the storms that beckon the words.
When words fall out
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/when-words-fall-out-2/
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These bird wings.
Beautiful and busy and oft set in wrong directions.
These wings have created storms to traverse,
Seeking the thrill of dramatic flight.
But now,
But now,
I soar.
Soar
— N I S H A M O O D L E Y
S H A R E
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://nishamoodley.com/soar/
-
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
-
With deep gratitude.
I bow in gratitude to my teachers...
The awe-inspiring women in my Freedom Mastermind
Every woman I’ve coached.
My family.
My friends.
My man.
My coaches.
Children.
Addiction.
Travel.
Flowers.
Special shout-out to the contributors...
Elayne Kalila Doughty
Lisa Fabrega
Danielle LaPorte
Hannah Marcotti
Stacey Morgenstern
Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
http://thefreedommastermind.comhttp://www.elaynedoughty.com/http://lisafabrega.comhttp://daniellelaporte.comhttp://hannahmarcotti.comhttp://holisticmba.com
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In honor of sisterhood
Let’s stay connected!
If this collection of poems has touched you in some way, please leave a
comment here.
If you want to explore an expansion of your freedom, I also invite you to
download my free TAKE FLIGHT action guide here.
Sisterhood is the best space to support a woman’s freedom, and I look
forward to being in sisterhood with you. Thank you.
If you enjoyed this, please share it!
If you know women who’d enjoy this, please spread the love. You can use
the social buttons below, or send your sisters to download the FREEDOM
DEVOTIONAL here. Please do not forward along this copy, as it is just for you,
my dear Sister. Thank you.
IN FREEDOM & SISTERHOOD,
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Freedom Devotional | © Nisha Moodley 2014
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