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COMM 2399: Special Topics in Communication:

LISTENINGTeri L. Varner, Ph.D. Assistant Professor of Communication

Nine Tools of

Empowered

Listening

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“Listening provides empowerment. As

a listener, you don‟t have to „do‟

anything, „fix anything,‟ or „change‟

anything. When people are „heard,‟

they will „do,‟ „fix,‟ and/or „change‟

things for themselves.‟”

--Dr. Carol McCall2

Carol McCall Ph.D.

About Carol McCall For almost five decades, Carol McCall Ph.D., M.C.C. has

been teaching/training people on how to listen and

communicate better.

This educator, edutainer, therapist, business executive and

entrepreneur has reached over 2 million people through her

public workshops, corporate clients and performance

coaching practice.

She is the author of Listen! There’s A World Waiting to Be

Heard., e-book and MP3 series.

Contact: Dr. Carol McCall 1-888-966-8339

drcarolmccall@gmail.com

www.listeningprofitsu.com

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Carol McCall Ph.D.

Carol McCall Ph.D. M.A., M.C.C., is the founder of The Institute for Global Listening and

Communication. She has more than 40 years of experience as an educator, therapist,

business executive and entrepreneur, and has impacted the lives of more than five

million people through her workshops and public appearances, audio and book sales,

corporate clients and performance coaching practice.

Dr. McCall is creator of The Listening Course and the Possibility of Woman and Life

Development in Communication (LDCC) courses.

An established presence in the Network Marketing arena for 15 years, Carol is a

contributing essayist in the book Leadership in a New Era, a featured expert in the e-

book Coaching For MLM Leaders, and the author of Listen, There's a World Waiting To

Be Heard and the Empowerment of Listening audio series. She has been the subject of

national and international media coverage, including CNBC-Asia, The Iyanla Show,

Clear Channel Radio Network, Success magazine, Essence magazine, plus numerous

business trade and local newspaper articles.

A graduate of Northwestern University, Carol holds a Master's degree from San Jose

State University and received her doctorate from Cambridge International University.

She is a Master Certified Coach designation from the International Coaches Federation.

To learn more about Carol McCall and her schedule of courses and appearances, visit

her website here: listeningprofitsu.com.

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McCall‟s Nine Tools of Empowered

Listening

Over the past five decades, I have found nine

tools that dramatically impact the quality of

communication, especially one‟s ability to listen.

The simple practice of three of them literally

transforms one‟s ability to effectively

communicate.

It is possible to discover the “lid/filters” that color

our listening and communication and how come

we only hear 25% of the message and “make-up”

the remaining 75%.

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McCall‟s Nine Tools of Empowered

Listening

The nine tools are:

1) brevity

2) acknowledgment

3) empowered listening

4) being heard

5) boldness

6) intuition

7) 99:1/MSU

8) completion

9) Drama Cycle/Drama Buster

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Listening Tool #1: Brevity

Brevity:

• to be brief w/interruptions

• speaker – speaks & listener – listens

Clarification interruption: Ex. “Excuse me speaker

and what did you mean by _______?”

Compassionate Interruption: Ex. “Excuse me

speaker. I want to be sure I understood you.”

(not to challenge speaker)

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Listening Tool #2: Acknowledgment

Acknowledgment

• giving feedback about what you heard

• listener brings conversation back to what it means

to the speaker.

• creates a circle of infinity

• speaker knows what listener has done

w/information

Ex. “I know what mean by________. Your

contribution to me is __________________.”

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Listening Tool #3: Empowered Listening

Empowered Listening

• be open to listening to how speaker sees things

• be aware of how speaker advises you to listen

Ex. “How do you want me to listen to you?” *

(i.e. empathetic, reflective, etc.)

• In-Class Exercise: How do you want me to listen?

• Re-visit Varner‟s Handout, “15 Listening Styles in the 21st Century”*

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Listening Tool #3: Empowered Listening

Empowered Listening

Silently believe speaker has these qualities:

a. Leadership – they may know more about

something than you.

b. Capability – speaker has the abilities &

qualities necessary to do or achieve

c. Respect – positive feeling of esteem for a

person

CAUTION: CCJ (criticism, condemnation & judgment)

Negative criticism undermines empowered listening

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Empowered Listening & The Cycle

of Respect

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Listening Tool #4: Being Heard

Being Heard

• tool that allows speaker & listener to have

complete exchange of energy

• check it out

(E.g. paraphrasing, giving feedback)

Stop speaker & ask them to repeat/go back & clarify.

Ex. “I didn‟t understand what you meant by____.”

Ex. “This is what I heard. Is this what you

meant?”

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Listening Tool #5: Boldness

Boldness

• having speaker speak authentically

• not rude just sincere

• interrupt w/respect & sincerity

• request for feedback

• use nonthreatening, non-defensive voice & eye

contact

• naturally leads to brevity

Ex. “That word is offensive to me. “ (listener)

“Chill out. Saying, „That‟s so gay!” is just a harmless expression.”

(speaker)

“Then in my presence I would prefer you not use that expression.”

(listener „s response). 13

Listening Tool #6: Intuition

Intuition

• follow your hunch

• when in doubt check it out

Ex. “My boss is killing me.”

(speaker)

Kyle (your boss) is getting on your nerves.

(listener)

Outside class activity: Practice intuiting who is

calling. Put a dime in a jar for each correct call

intuited.

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Listening Tool #7: 99/One Rule

99: 1

• 99% of people‟s reactions have nothing to do

with you.

• 1% of what people are reacting to comes from the

fact that your „humanness’ triggers

something in them and the thought they

have about your humanness.

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Listening Tool #7: 99/One Rule

99: 1

SIMILARLY

• 99% of your reactions to people have nothing to

do with them.

• 1% of your reactions are based on their

„humanness’ triggering something in you

and the thought they have about your

humanness.

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Listening Tool #7: MSU

MSU

• making stuff up

• it‟s a disclaimer until you trust your intuition and check

“it” out

Ex. “I‟m going to do it myself.” (speaker wants to practice

being autonomous)

You don‟t want my help. (listener hears rejection &

doesn‟t clarify speaker‟s statement)

Try this: (Listener interrupts with) “I just made up that… Is that

true? I am trying to clear up possible miscommunication.” OR

“Excuse me, I made up that…” 17

Listening Tool #8: Completion

Completion

• about being present in the moment

• satisfied in the moment

• completion w/conversation for now

When you are complete – the next event can be started

They may have other things going on however unless you

are a therapist – leave it alone.

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Listening Tool #9: Drama Buster

Drama Cycle/Drama Buster

• a repetitive, automatic pattern of behavior that is

“thought-driven” followed by feeling, followed by

action

• pattern happens in a 4-part cycle that‟s complete

within 30 seconds or less

• words, issues, dishonored values, situations, &/or

personalities trigger our “drama cycles.”

• when our drama cycles are triggered, our

communication becomes distorted & ineffective –

it prevents effective listening

• we tune out, prejudge, criticize, & condemn

speaker, situation & self.19

Listening Tool #9: Drama Buster

Set 1: Thought_______________

Feeling________________

Action_________________

Set 2: Thought_______________

Feeling________________

Action_________________

Set 3: Thought_______________

Feeling________________

Action_________________

Set 4: Thought_______________

Feeling________________

Action_________________

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Drama Buster

Here is a 4-step process to assist you to recognize and bust

your drama cycle:

“Listening is the “core” of

communication. When you really

listen, you don‟t have to “worry” about

your lines, you‟ll know what to say

because you‟ve been „listening!‟”

--Dr. Carol McCall

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McCall‟s Nine Tools of Empowered

Listening: Brevity

The nine tools are:

1) brevity

2) acknowledgment

3) empowered listening

4) being heard

5) boldness

6) intuition

7) 99:1/MSU

8) completion

9) Drama Cycle/Drama Buster

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COMM 2399: Special Topics in Communication:

LISTENINGTeri L. Varner, Ph.D. Assistant Professor of Communication

Nine Tools of

Empowered

Listening

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