kelly wetherhold, m.ed. 2011 gifted educator of the year, pa national palmarium award nominee
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Kelly Wetherhold, M.Ed.
2011 Gifted Educator of the Year, PANational Palmarium Award Nominee
Center for Integrated Behavioral HealthEducator Salisbury High School
Adjunct Faculty Seton Hall University
Twitter: @kwetherholdkwetherhold.wordpress.com
Effective Strategies for Parenting the Gifted Child
Common Core: We already think that way...
Core the “common” out of your child’s brain...
#com
monco
re
#com
monco
re
#com
monco
re
#com
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re
#1: Let’s not think “that way”
Parents and the world of education
So, let’s lead our thoughts astray...
This is Flappy Bird...he/she is your child
...and the concept of Flappy bird...
is Gifted Education...
...start with high hopes
...to a simple concept...
...then play the game
...touch one gigantic obstacle, and fall...
...it’s over...
...until you hit okay...and start again.
...but always at the same start
...and always end with similar results.
...feels a bit like parenting doesn’t it?
same thing, different results.
Why? Parenting is so easy...
...just take a look at the mind of a kid!
and even easier as they age..
...and only a few short years later!Judgment
We wish it were that easy...
...the reality: try to parent this...
Heck, try to educate this...
So what action do we take when...
we do not understand something?
Misconception = simplify it to control it...
You think you can control this?
Misconception, we treat education like a game...
as if it can also be controlled...
...but we cannot...similar results since Victorian age...
...so let’s start somewhere differently...
EFFECTIV
E
EFFECTIV
E
PARENTIN
G
PARENTIN
G
EFFECTIV
E
EFFECTIV
E
PARENTIN
G
PARENTIN
GLet’s change the game tonight...
What you say
Education’s play
Education’s play
The instant gratification sway
What you want to portray
In dismay
The technology way
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
What you say
Education’s play
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Top 5: 1. Uninteresting 2. Not challenging
3. Does not offer enough 4. That’s not the way “I”
learned 5. Not enough homework
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
What you say
Education’s play
Their reaction:
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Top 5: 1. loss of engagement 2. little to no application
3. “I’m bored” 4. Smug attitude toward work
5. Preferred activities take hold
EDUCATION
EDUCATION
EDUCATION
EDUCATION
What you say
Education’s play
Preferred activities:
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Top 5: 1. sports and clubs 2. socialization
3. AI...gaming 4. Media including TV, internet
5. anti-resiliency
=
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGE
MIRROR IM
AGEWhat you say
Education’s play
What does this cause?
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Top 5: 1. negative emotions from both sides 2. negative emotions toward school
3. negative feedback loops multiple contexts
4. negative expectations 5. Failure regardless of intelligence
We sp
end more
tim
e worry
ing
We sp
end more
tim
e worry
ing
about what d
o for w
ork, a
nd doing
about what d
o for w
ork, a
nd doing
homework
for o
ur work
, then w
e
homework
for o
ur work
, then w
e
do underst
anding and
do underst
anding and
empath
izing w
ith our c
hildre
n...
empath
izing w
ith our c
hildre
n...
We sp
end more
tim
e worry
ing
We sp
end more
tim
e worry
ing
about what d
o for w
ork, a
nd doing
about what d
o for w
ork, a
nd doing
homework
for o
ur work
, then w
e
homework
for o
ur work
, then w
e
do underst
anding and
do underst
anding and
empath
izing w
ith our c
hildre
n...
empath
izing w
ith our c
hildre
n...
What you say
Education’s play
What can you do?
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Habits: 1. reinforce with focus on effort and grit 2. develop short term goals at least once a
week where you both participate 3. stress = challenge, you are model
4. become an amateur neuroscientist 5. how you praise is who you’ll raise
GRITGRITGRITGRIT
What you want to portray
Education’s play
What you want to portray #1: Grit
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Long term goals and effort
Let’s see where you stand...
GRITGRITGRITGRIT
What you want to portray
Education’s play
Know Your Grit
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Consistency of Interests
1. I set a goal but later choose to pursue a different one2. New ideas and new projects distract me from previous
ones.3. I am interested in new pursuits every few months.
4. My interests change from year to year.5. I become obsessed with a certain idea or project for a short
time but lose interest.6. I have difficulty maintaining focus on projects that take a
long time to complete.
GRITGRITGRITGRITWhat you want to portray
Education’s play
Know Your Grit
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Perseverance of Effort
1. I achieved a goal that took a long time (months or years) to complete.
2. I overcome setbacks to conquer an important challenge.3. I finish whatever I begin.
4. Setbacks do not discourage me.5. I am a hard worker.
6. I am diligent.
No worri
es, yo
ur kids
No worri
es, yo
ur kids
won’t look l
ike h
im...
won’t look l
ike h
im...
No worri
es, yo
ur kids
No worri
es, yo
ur kids
won’t look l
ike h
im...
won’t look l
ike h
im...
What you want to portray
Education’s play
Know Your Grit
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Grit = a modeled trait by parents
TRUE GRIT = less neurotic agreeable
extraverted open to new experiences
DIFFERENTIA
TE
DIFFERENTIA
TE
DIFFERENTIA
TE
DIFFERENTIA
TE
What you want to portray
Education’s play
What you want to portray #2: Think Smarter, Not Harder...
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Differentiation not just for education
Skills that pay the bills: problem-solving, empathy, EI, collaboration, creativity, critical thinking, self-awareness, risk-
taking, communication, selling
VISION skills: visionary, inception, synthesis, interrogative, openness, noticing
What you want to portray
WILL
POW
ER
WILL
POW
ER
WILL
POW
ER
WILL
POW
ER
Education’s play
What you want to portray #3: Willpower
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
The candy test
Deliberate practice with wait time
SELF-DISCIPLINE IS A BETTER INDICATOR OF SUCCESS THAN IQ
EMOTION A
ND
EMOTION A
ND
EXPERIENCE
EXPERIENCE
EMOTION A
ND
EMOTION A
ND
EXPERIENCE
EXPERIENCE
What you want to portray
Education’s play
What you want to portray #4: Experience, Engage, Emotion
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Experiences are not about time spent
Gifted children constantly engaging their emotions
Often confused...to us awkward and at times annoying
How you treat experiences with your kids will decide their fateTeach them how to experience
REFRAME A
ND
REFRAME A
ND
REPURPO
SE
REPURPO
SE
REFRAME A
ND
REFRAME A
ND
REPURPO
SE
REPURPO
SE
What you want to portray
Education’s play
What you want to portray #5: Reframe and Repurpose
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Our brains constantly negotiate with negative memories
Help reframe them
Stressors are no longer threats, they are challenges
Repurpose education...as they age: elementary school, middle school, high school
INSTANT
INSTANT
GRATIFICATIO
N
GRATIFICATIO
N
INSTANT
INSTANT
GRATIFICATIO
N
GRATIFICATIO
N
THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION SWAY
Education’s play
Instant Gratification Sway: IT STARTED WITH A MICROWAVE...TIME SELLS
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Millenials false sense of time
False sense of security
False sense of negotiations
Know how to play games (education, life) extremely well
False sense of reinforcement
Overuse of expertise
INSTANT
INSTANT
GRATIFICATIO
N
GRATIFICATIO
N
INSTANT
INSTANT
GRATIFICATIO
N
GRATIFICATIO
N
THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION SWAY
Education’s play
Instant Gratification Sway CAUTION: EXPERTISE
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Expertise = recognition of a recognized pattern and automatic retrieval
Brain actually prefers not to work
Automatic retrieval = happy brain
Too much expertise = minds that are inflexible
Inflexible minds = deteriorated reliability
Deteriorated reliability = frustration
Remem
ber: E
xperti
se is
the
Remem
ber: E
xperti
se is
the
reaso
n you co
uld not c
omplete
reaso
n you co
uld not c
omplete
the ca
ndle test
at the b
eginning of
the ca
ndle test
at the b
eginning of
this
prese
ntatio
n
this
prese
ntatio
n
Remem
ber: E
xperti
se is
the
Remem
ber: E
xperti
se is
the
reaso
n you co
uld not c
omplete
reaso
n you co
uld not c
omplete
the ca
ndle test
at the b
eginning of
the ca
ndle test
at the b
eginning of
this
prese
ntatio
n
this
prese
ntatio
n
THE INSTANT GRATIFICATION SWAY
Education’s play
Instant Gratification Sway: YOU MAY LOSE
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Deliberate practice: focus on certain skill set for extended period of time
Communication skills
Critical thinking
Consistency and perseverance
A genuine respect for education
EDUCATION
EDUCATION
SHOULD B
E
SHOULD B
E
EDUCATION
EDUCATION
SHOULD B
E
SHOULD B
E
Education’s Play
Education’s play
Education’s Play: Ideal Learning Environment
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Active Engagement
Differentiation
Sense of agency
Self-Efficacy
Focus on skills (skills that pay the bills and VISION for example)
Process over product
THE REALIT
Y
THE REALIT
Y
THE REALIT
Y
THE REALIT
Y
Education’s Play
Education’s play
Education’s play: The Reality
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Mind sets highly susceptible to environment, but......Education same system since late 1700’s
Resiliency needs to be the goal, but......resiliency different for all individuals
Common core, fancy term fordata driven education...research still inconclusive
Technology
Too many players in the game
EDUCATION’S
EDUCATION’S
DIRECTIO
N
DIRECTIO
N
EDUCATION’S
EDUCATION’S
DIRECTIO
N
DIRECTIO
N
Education’s Play
Education’s play
Education’s play: The Good News
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Teachers do care, more than you can imagine
Administrators do care, definitely more than you can imagine
and...if the community cares
Education will shine
KNOW YOUR
KNOW YOUR
ROLEROLE
KNOW YOUR
KNOW YOUR
ROLEROLE
Education’s Play
Education’s play
Education’s Play: What can you do today?
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Stop defending...really is not us vs. them
Don’t become “mediated”
Grow trust again
Understand the stigma of “Gifted” education andembrace the negativity of it
Embrace that everyone in this game is only human (yes, even administrators)
Know your role: You are a parent except whendeveloping a GIEP, then, you are an advocate
Leave emotions at home, focus on goals
TECH IS N
OT
TECH IS N
OT
GOING A
WAY
GOING A
WAY
TECH IS N
OT
TECH IS N
OT
GOING A
WAY
GOING A
WAY
The Technology Way
Education’s play
Technology Way: What you can do today...
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Appy hour
Digital Archiving
cln’s and pln’s
digital storytelling
MOOC’s
APPLIC
ATIONS
APPLIC
ATIONS
APPLIC
ATIONS
APPLIC
ATIONS
The Technology Way
Education’s play
Technology Way: Appy hour
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
DuolingoStarfall
Kahn AcademyTED
CodecademyLumosityLearnistBrainPopStitcher
ARCHIVIN
G
ARCHIVIN
G
ARCHIVIN
G
ARCHIVIN
G
The Technology Way
Education’s play
Digital Archiving
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
StumbleuponLearnist
FlipboardZite
Paper.liBuzzfeed
DiggReddit
PinterestScoopit
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
The Technology Way
Education’s play
cln’s and pln’s
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Children’s Learning NetworkProfessional Learning Network
Advocate use of twitter, linkedin, google, blogging
Parental fear often leads to failure of digital citezenship
digital citizenship + building foundation = RRW
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
NETWORKS
The Technology Way
Education’s play
MOOC’s
A gifted child’s expectations come directly from you
Massive open on-line courseware free from Universities
ocw.mit.edu
oyc.yale.edu
oli.cmu.edu
iTunes U
One point about on-line learning...
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...this cannot be controlled...but
In dismay
...we can lose it.
Resiliency
com
es fro
m g
reat
Resiliency
com
es fro
m g
reat
parents
who see fa
ilure
as an
parents
who see fa
ilure
as an
opportunity
, not a
loss
...
opportunity
, not a
loss
...
Resiliency
com
es fro
m g
reat
Resiliency
com
es fro
m g
reat
parents
who see fa
ilure
as an
parents
who see fa
ilure
as an
opportunity
, not a
loss
...
opportunity
, not a
loss
...
In dismay
Some challenging thoughts for parents:
conflict resolution: show them how
attitude: it’s not what you think
negative feedback loops: run our worlds
communication: we are not as good as we think
persistence and consistence:
failure: they need to know how...and it’s okay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dismay
Some challenging thoughts for parents:
Pressure: develops from expectations that you believe can be met...
...but cannot, realistically, in his/her world.
The point: what you see is a world filled with choice, hope, light
...but what they see, is a darker world that closes in on them...
They need to learn for themselves, not for us!
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay In dismay
When TV, music, social media, the internet are used as baby-sitters...
when parents do not ask questions encouraging critical thought...
a dangerous scenario emerges...
their minds disappear from you...and media begins to parent.
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay
In dism
ay50 Essential Links for Parents of Gifted Students
http://oedb.org/library/beginning-online-learning/50-essential-links-for-the-parents-of-gifted-children
Effective Strategies for Parenting the Gifted Child
Thank you...any questions?
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