help keeping the knot tied 2

Help Keeping the Knot Tied IIMarriage Ministry First Steps

Marital Knots for Couples Enrichmentby Rev. Brian and Maria Dixon

Lakeland Baptist Association Kingdom Growth Conference – Parklawn Assembly of God Church

May 13, 2010

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Review

* Yesterday we discussed the steps to begin a Marriage ministry in your church and gave an overview of Start Smart Curriculum.

* Today we will give an overview of a curriculum your church can utilize to enrich marriages.

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Questions

Does anyone have questions on what was presented yesterday?

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8 Habits of a Successful Marriage

1. Be Proactive2. Begin With the End in Mind3. Put First Things First4. Think Win-Win5. Listen First, Talk Second6. Synergize7. Sharpen the Saw8. Lift Yourself by Lifting Others

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What does a healthy marriage feel like?

• Safe• Accepting• Understanding• Happiness• Mutual Benefit• Cooperation

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The Benefits of Marriage

• Lower mortality • Better health • Greater financial well-being • Less suicide • Greater happiness • Less intimate

partner violence

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The 3 C’s of a Successful Marriage

Roof

Framework

Foundation7

Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character

The first habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:

Habit 1: Be Proactive

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Habit 1: Be Proactive

Pause

Think

ChooseSituation Response

• Create a space between your response and what is happening to you.

• Consider the consequences of your actions.

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Activity

Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive.

How could you pause to take control?What do you think about during the pause?Choose what you will do and why.

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Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character

The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:

Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

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Habit 2: Begin With the End in Mind

• Shape your future…What do you want your marriage to stand for?

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Marriage Mission StatementsOur Marriage Mission:

To love each other…to help each other…to believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others… to worship together forever.

Our marriage is great—

As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We are a great team.

We circle at the summit.

“No Empty Chairs” John and Jane Covey

A Married Couple’s Motto…

It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you help me understand?” With love and understanding, we will grow our lives together.

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Activity

Begin a Marriage Mission Statement

How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?

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Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character

The third habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:

Habit 3: Put First Things First

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Habit 3: Put First Things First

Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you.

Your LITTLE ROCKS are the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”.

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Activity

• Identify the “Big Rocks”

• Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time”

• Planning a partner Power Hour

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Build a Framework of Effective Communication

The first habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

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The Four Ways of Thinking

WIN-LOSE (Bully)• I don’t care about your

needs• I only care about mine

LOSE-WIN (Victim)• I’m not important• Don’t worry about me

LOSE-LOSE (Opponents)• If I’m going down, you’re

going down with me.

WIN-WIN (Teammates)• You and I can work

together• We are a team!• What would be a win

for us?

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Activity

• Thinking about what is a win for you

• Recognizing what is a win for your partner

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Build a Framework of Effective Communication

The second habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:

Habit 5: Listen First, Talk Second

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How Can You Listen for Understanding?

1. Make eye contact.2. Look for and recognize body

language.3. Avoid “door slammers.”4. Use Talking-Stick

communication(Listen First, Talk Second.)

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Activity

• Talking Stick

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Build a Framework of Effective Communication

• The third habit you need to build a framework of effective communication is:

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Habit 6:Synergize

Habit 6: Synergize

• What is Synergy and the role it plays in marriage.

Activity: Demonstrate Synergy in action

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Build a Protection of Unselfish Companionship

The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship:

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

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Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and your marriage.

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The Whole Person

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Activity

• Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp

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Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship

The first habit you need to build the protection of unselfish companionship:

Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others

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The Elements of Kindness

1. Choose kind words.

2. Speak in a soft tone.

3. Give rather than take.

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Gives and Takes

Why do marriages succeed or fail?

Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula:

No matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, (GIVES), as negative moments, (TAKES) , if your marriage is to be stable.

— JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.

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Resources

• www.franklincovey.com• www.HealthyMarriageTips.com• www.Growthtrac.com

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Questions?

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