dr. gary chapman and dr. paul white presented by monique litherland royal valley high school

DR. GARY CHAPMAN

AND

DR. PAUL WHITE

Presented by Monique Litherland

Royal Valley High School

Remaining fiscally solid Biggest employee-related concerns include

retention and burn-out Being appreciated leads to greater work

satisfaction More employee satisfaction leads to greater

customer service People must feel appreciated in order to feel

valued, enjoy their job and work productively over the long-term

Consider what happens if the physical need for water,

food, and rest aren’t accurately perceived or

met by others.

Way to show respect Increases morale, makes a more positive

workplace, class or home More likely to get others to cooperate with

you Partners will be more productive when you

have to complete projects together Golden rule: Do unto others… More fun while still accomplishing tasks

Words of AffirmationQuality TimeActs of ServiceTangible GiftsPhysical Touch

Which language do you speak?

Complete the quiz or complete the MBA – “Motivating by Appreciation” Inventory

Must be specific The generic “good job” can

actually be detrimental especially if overused

Praise accomplishments, character traits, and personality traits

Personal, one-on-onePraise in front of othersWritten affirmationPublic affirmation

Tone of Voice – monotone, low volume, sarcastic

Body Language – rolling eyes, angry facial expression poor eye contact

Neglect or Procrastination

Can you recall a time within the last week when you verbally affirmed a coworker/ classmate? If so, what did you say? How did they respond to your affirmation?

Have you received a verbal affirmation from a manager/ coworker/teacher/classmate within the past week? If so, what did they say? How did you feel?

On a scale of 0-10, how important to you is receiving words of affirmation?

Individual time and undivided attention with the manager/ teacher/ leader

Quality conversations: empathetic dialogue of sharing thoughts, feelings, and desires, in a friendly, uninterrupted context

Maintain eye contact Don’t multi-task Listen for feelings as well as

thoughts – ask for confirmation and clarification

Affirm feelings even if you disagree

Observe body language – clues to real feelings

Refuse to interrupt

Sharing Experiences: traveling together, going out to eat, attending events together, retreats…

Small Group Dialogue: more comfortable sharing ideas in small group than one-on-one – less intimidating

Working in Close Proximity with Others while completing project

Going through the motions – traditions like going to dinner to celebrate

Must be done with positive attitude

If you felt that your supervisor/ teacher/ classmate really wanted to hear your ideas, what suggestions would you make?

When you have free time with coworkers/ classmates, do you often ask about their personal interests? Do you wish that they would ask about yours?

Have you had a “quality conversation” with a coworker/ classmate within the past week? How did you feel as you walked away?

When others pitch in and help get things done

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Actions speak louder than words. “Don’t tell me you care; show me.”

Make sure your own responsibilities are covered before volunteering to help others

Ask before you help Serve willingly & voluntarily (not

because someone made you do it) Have a cheerful attitude Do it their way Complete what you start or explain

your time limit for helping

Stay late to help finish project Offer to do menial task that will

allow me to focus on higher priorities

Volunteer to do something I dislike doing

Give computer help or clean up equipment at end of day

Bring food when working late

Have a negative attitude Bring along feelings of stress,

reluctance or obligation If you serve with in a

begrudging manner or feel resentment, you will actually demotivate rather than encourage.

What is one act of service someone has done for you in the past week? How did it make you feel?

What is an act of service you did for someone else in the past week? How do you think it made them feel?

Consider asking someone “Is there anything I could do for you that would make your work easier?” If you can do what they request, why not?

Sharing company tickets Buying tickets to events (sports & cultural) Gift cards Giving time off (day or leave early) Weekend at hotel Certificates to a spa, massage, manicure…

More often than not, the gifts most appreciated are “experiences” rather than “things”.

Very Powerful The right gift communicates

thanks, appreciation, and encouragement for people that speak this language

The wrong gift can actually offend

Give gifts primarily to those individuals who appreciate them

Give gifts the person will value (football vs. ballet tickets)

Thoughtless gifts – those gifts bought quickly in response to tradition or obligation- with no real personal investment of time or reflection not only miss the mark but also give a negative message.

What gifts have you received in the past year? How did you feel upon receiving the gift?

What kind of gifts do you most appreciate?

What gifts have you given coworkers/classmates during the past year? How did they respond?

Implicit touches are subtle, require only a moment, and given without thought. Pat on back Quick handshake High five Fist bump

Explicit touches normally require more thought and time. Extended handshake while expressing

gratitude. Giving a neck rub to someone that has

worked all day on a computer. Hugs during time of personal crisis.

The type of physical touch appropriate depends upon the person, type of work relationship, and organizational subculture.

Differing amounts of comfortableness among people.

Babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Residents in a nursing home that receive affirming touches have a more positive spirit and generally do better physically than those who are not touched.

Adults also need physical touch, but frequently it is the least important language in the workplace when compared to the other four languages.

Observe coworker/classmate to see what physical touch they initiate.

Watch for body language to see if coworker/classmate is irritated or affirmed. If they stiffen up or withdraw, then back off.

If you are a “touchy-feely” person, ask if your behavior irritates them.

If someone’s touch makes you uncomfortable, tell them to make it stop.

Different perceptions of appropriateness – sexual harassment or abuse

People that have or are victims of physical abuse may react defensively to quick physical movements by others. They often need more personal space.

What types of physical touch in the workplace or classroom do you consider affirming?

What kinds of touches make you feel uncomfortable?

Among your coworkers/ classmates, who are the “touchers”? Can you reciprocate?

If touching comes easy for you, whom have you encountered who seemed to draw back from touching?

Now, I dare you to go use your knowledge about languages of

appreciation to create a better workplace,

school, and home.

Monique Litherland

Royal Valley High School

litherlandm@cox.net

RV337.comlook in RVHS to find my teacher webpage and download it